


Touched

by peppermintquartz



Series: Bleachverse [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Aizen is a Sexy Bastard, Concurrent with Caresses, Concurrent with Contact, Darkness Infects, Darkness is Sexy, F/M, Ichimaru Gin Miscalculated, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:57:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 110
Words: 239,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintquartz/pseuds/peppermintquartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am your parastatheis, now and always. Gin x Aizen. Companion piece to Contact. Gin's pov.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Do read this fic concurrently with Contact, because they proceed at the same pace. When Kira appears, you can also open Caresses for the third pov to the events unfolding throughout all three stories.

I watched him exit the room, and then quickly moved to the corner where I knew he would see me. This was a gamble I was taking – I wasn't sure how he would react. I hoped I was making the right decision, but there was always risk. He was unpredictable.

What would he do? Would he give me a good thrashing? Kill me with his sword? Report me to the discipline committee at the Academy?

Or – worst of all – ignore me?

He came round the corner impossibly fast, pinning me to the wall before I could even begin to pray for divine intervention.

"You found me," I said with a smile, trying to appear confident. Acting sometimes led to believing.

"Hide and seek." He ran his hand – his unbelievably smooth hands – down from my throat to my stomach. The caress was leisurely, yet I dared not move at all. I almost cried out when his reiatsu spiked against my abdomen. "Nervous?"

_Might as well be honest._

"Nervous." My heart was racing. "Agitated." My mind was spinning. "And now very, very turned on." Such smooth hands… and that reiatsu density. I was right. This was the person I could use.

He seemed entertained by me. I was relieved; this would make my task so much easier.

He thought I was a spy. I wasn't, and he seemed assured. Perhaps it was all a show, his trust, and I would watch longer before taking any further action.

Then he proceeded to demonstrate his mastery of the situation. I was already pinned against the wall, trying not to drown in his beautiful, dark brown irises, trying not to focus on the faint musk of cinnamon and amber emanating from him, trying desperately not to relax against his warm body so close to mine.

It was sheer torture, being so close and not daring to touch.

To my surprise he pressed up against me and slid his hands over mine. I was trapped, and my pulse raced.

_Oh gods…that fragrance…_

I knew my face was flushing as he breathed his words into my face. His chuckle was deep and throaty, and briefly I wondered if he always sounded like this. "I'm twisted like that…and I'm starting to get the message that you like twisted."

I faced him and faced down the desire to kiss him right there and then. Aizen-fukutaichou, the cold flame of the night, the one man that had attracted more than disgust and loathing from me, was right there with me. "Got it in one."

He mentioned his current relationship with the captain-general's great grandniece, some years my sempai. "I'm in a steady, rewarding relationship."

_Was he saying what I think he was saying?_

"I can seduce you if you want me to, sir." _Please say yes._

Instead he merely licked my earlobe and whispered, "I have to _want_?"

He left without another word.

I stood rooted, leaning against the wall, trying to steady my pulse and still my thoughts.

So this was Aizen Sousuke.

I let my lips curl with anticipation.

_Interesting._


	2. 2.

Ran dropped by my room to return my assignment to me after she had copied the answers, and to invite me out with her new friends.

“No thanks, Ran, I'll take a raincheck,” I said. She pouted adorably and, for a second, my will wavered. My heart filled when she smiled in exasperation. 

She ran her hands through her thick hair. “If I didn't know your style, Gin, I'd say you were deliberately avoiding me.”

I _was_ , but how could I tell her that?

“Sorry, Ran-chan,” I said, getting up from my seat. “You'll just have to have fun without me.”

And I left my dorm room without another word. As I descended the stairs a large hand grabbed me by by shirt and dragged me into the dark recesses of the stairwell, and i sighed inwardly.

“You,” I said calmly, a ready smile on my face.

“Yes. Me.” It was Fumio, the resident bully who had the hots for Ran. I pushed his meaty hand away. “I saw her going into your room.”

“And you also saw me leaving it not five minutes after she entered it.” I stood as tall as I could, but still was dwarfed by him. Thankfully his stature was by no means a measure of his competence or intelligence.

Fumio slammed his large, beefy hands against the wall, trapping me. “So, just to confirm again: you and Rangiku are not a couple, yes?”

“We're not.”

“Good. Because if she was...” Two of Fumio's bully boys emerged from the darkness, anticipatory smirks on their faces. I wrinkled my brows. Fumio leaned in again to get my full attention. “If she was, I'll get them to show you a real good time.”

“Perhaps we'll show him anyway, Fumio,” leered one of them, a tall one with two ridiculous ponytails. “He looks like he _needs_ a good time.”

The other one sniggered. “He's so delicate... you sure he can withstand you? He might just break before you can come.”

Fumio roared appreciatively at the lack of wit. I stayed where I was, my fury mounting but the smile on my face unwavering. “I have to leave now, Fumio. Ran is looking for drinking buddies. You might want to try your luck at the bar.”

“Good one, Ichi-chan,” the tall lunkhead said, clapping me on the shoulder. I withstood the urge to shudder. “Come on, boys, we got a pretty bitch to meet.”

As they filed past me, the twin-ponytailed one leaned in and tried to brush his lips against my skin. I had, however, stepped back just before he could make contact with me.

_I might have sold myself to richer women back in Rukongai to feed Ran and me, but no man was going to touch me. Ever._

Then I remembered the scent of Aizen Sousuke, lieutenant of the Fifth. And I trembled.

_No man but him._

And I slipped out of the dormitory compound to where he usually passed by on his way back home, not too far from the academy.

Lounging against a pillar, I could sense him approaching.

“This is a death wish of yours, isn't it?” he remarked idly.

I hadn't followed him, and I said so. But he identified the weak part of my argument: I had been waiting.

Abruptly I felt his reiatsu cascading over me, smothering me, trying to rip me from my skin, to devour me completely. I tried to keep breathing, to keep thinking – this man would enjoy a game more than an outright pledge of allegiance.

Just when I thought I would collapse, he reined in his powerful reiatsu.

“On such a night, shouldn't you be with your lovely lady?” He was giving me the once-over with his eyes: the brown orbs lingered at my crotch almost indecently long before sliding back to my face to meet my eyes. I suppressed the urge to shiver: he had just completely undressed me without moving a single finger. And he was advancing towards me...

As I straightened I clarified my relationship with Ran with him. I half-expected him to grip me by my neck as he had done previously, but instead he merely moved on.

He was interested in her, I realized, when he asked for her name.

_No. Your interest is in me._

He had the most exquisite way of teasing. I swallowed my fear and moved up to him, lacing my fingers with his, pressing my body against the broad back and firm butt, desiring to engage him with a mystery: me. “Is this the way you liked to be asked, sir?”

“Yes.” he had a chiseled profile worthy of the gods; my fingers were burning with the contact. The long dark lashes, that cruel but tantalizing mouth, the hint of raw sensuality in his stillness... all screamed at me even as I moved closer, breathing in his fragrance.

“Will you ask me for my name?”

He seemed pleased with the suggestion. “What is your name, bold young fellow?”

I told him, then, unwisely, tried to remove my hands from his. He gripped his hands tightly, not caring about the pain he was inflicting on me. I cried out for the sudden shock.

“You forgot to be polite. You forgot to smile,” he told me my mistake quietly, and I mentally filed it away for reference. I apologized, although perversely I wanted him to hold me forever – even if it hurt.

_I don't want others to hurt me._

But he let go, and he let me go.

I found a seat and sat for an hour, uncertain. Should I continue? Or should I leave well enough alone?

But Ran needed a guardian, and I a protector. Aizen was destined for great things, I knew that. But I was playing with hellfire here.

_Let it burn then._


	3. 3.

Open House at the academy was an important event.

This was when our future captains or their lieutenants could pick out potentials, or to single out shinigami-elects for their own divisions.

It technically had nothing to do with me, since I still had one year before I was to graduate, but Ran found me studying in my room and insisted I accompany her to the exhibition grounds.

"Ran, I have a test the day after tomorrow," I temporized.

"Then you can cram tomorrow, Gin," she said and yanked me off my chair. "Come  _on_ , Gin. You haven't gone out with me since forever. Just for today. Please?"

I couldn't turn her down when she asked like that. But I realized my error when I saw Fumio and his lackeys lounging near the exhibit grounds. The tall and burly classmate was glowering at me, no doubt interpreting his humiliation at being rejected by Ran to my presence.

I ignored them as best as I could – Fumio was, at best, an tenth seater. What he had in lack of smarts and potential, he made up for in financial clout. The bastard was rich; his parents had probably bought him a place in a division already. I pitied the division that would have him.

As Ran dragged me behind her I felt a familiar reiatsu nearby. I didn't dare to turn my head: I didn't want to see his eyes on me, didn't want to see his lips curling with veiled amusement. The disdain always rankled, like rotten meat left too long in the sun, and I hated how these bastards thought I was weak just because I was poor.

They would learn someday, I swore to myself, but I refused to let my thoughts sour the outing. Not now, with Ran's warm hand enveloping mine, with the sweet citrus perfume she wore trailing after her to waft into my face, with her bright smile and easygoing manner. I missed my friend.

"Gin," she said, pressing close to me in the crowd gathered about the field, "you wanna join us in a drink tonight?"

"Ran, you tore me from my books. I'm going to study for that test, okay?"

She gave me a funny look. "Gin, you were never this serious when we were in Rukongai. You trying to defeat the Kuchiki?"

I knew my smile was still present – it was my default expression, whatever I was feeling. _The Kuchiki_. His name was Byakuya, he was the richest and most snobbish and probably the most talented kid in the academy, and I wished him dead at my feet already. Without him, I could have been the prodigy. But he took the limelight because of his name, and again I stood in the shadows. I didn't answer her, and she responded with an exasperated smack on my arm.

"Ow!" I scowled at her. My gaze fell upon her far-too-open collar and I tsked softly. "Ran, you really should cover up."

"Why? It's the best way of distracting teachers from asking me questions."

"It also brings unnecessary attention to your physical attributes." I hated seeing others blatantly lust over her, but I also knew I was powerless – currently – to stop them. Fumio and his ilk: they swarmed after Ran like locusts. Pathetic insects.

Ran merely tossed her hair. "I can handle them."

 _Until you can't_ , I added silently. In our Rukongai days I had had to resort to desperate means so that we had protection from the base creatures living around us. She didn't know, of course; Ran might look worldly and street-smart, but she was an innocent in most things. 

I wanted to keep her that way, so I chose to sacrifice my own innocence.

It was worth it. It would always be worth it, if she could keep being this carefree and happy.

xxxxx

That evening, after dinner, Fumio cornered me again. "You said she wasn't your girl."

"She's not," I affirmed. "We're just friends."

"No. You can't even be friends, Gin. Ran is gonna be mine, one way or the other, and I'll eliminate every single male around her until there's only me."

I gritted my jaw, wanting to give Fumio the thrashing he so deserved, but also aware that, at my current status, I needed to be circumspect. "As you will, Fumio. I can't stop her looking for me, but I will stop interacting with her."

Fumio snarled. "You'd better stop. Or my boys will be 'interacting' with your face. And probably 'interacting' elsewhere too." His bullying gang chortled something rude amongst themselves and I made myself smile thinly.

_Patience. Patience._

I leaned against the wall, waiting for them to leave, before I slipped out of the small side gate into the cool night air, and inhaled a deep, cleansing breath. 

_I have done this before. I can do this again. Patience, Ichimaru Gin. You have time._

Climbing over the low wall into the main streets of Seireitei, I sought out a place to think and plan in solitude. There had to be another way to guarantee our safety and our careers.

xxxxx

He was there.

"Aizen-fukutaichou," I said, not truly surprised to see him waiting by the wall.

"Gin."

I shivered. All I could make out was his profile, his broad shoulders relaxed against the surface. He was looking at the full moon, and remarked, "You are breaking the rules, you know that."

_What rules? The academy's, or our little cat-and-mouse game?_

"I do." I kept my tone neutral.

He then looked straight at me. I could feel his gaze pierce through me, pinning me like a butterfly beneath his lens. "You didn't say you were a student."

"I didn't mean for you to find out."  _  
_

"Liar."

Sometimes I felt he had the ability to speak to my inner thoughts rather than what I said outwardly. I returned my attention to his words; what he said made my blood run cold.

"She is someone special to you, isn't she?"

"She is."  _Don't even think about touching her. I will cut you down if you touch her. Even if you're a hundred times more powerful, I will cut you down._

Perhaps he really could read minds. He didn't express further interest in Ran. "Why are you approaching me?"

 _How do I answer this? Do_ I _even know why? There are others out there; why Aizen?_

"You don't have something I wish I didn't have," I said at last. I looked at his inscrutable face, then continued shakily, "You have no fear. And I... I am very afraid."

There was a gleam in his eyes, now that I could see him properly. His mouth had curved into a tender smile; his reiatsu was very relaxed. He knew, as I did, that I was no threat.

I moved closer and confessed, "I wish to remain in your light, so that the darkness will not claim me."

He cupped my cheek. I exhaled slowly with the touch – his hands were surprisingly gentle.

"I am not the light you seek, Gin, but I can cloak you in the shadows beyond the reach of anyone out there." As he muttered against my forehead, my thoughts raced in circles.

_How could he see so clearly? How could he know?_

"However, those whom I shelter _I will claim as my own_ ," he mouthed against my brow, a soundless promise, far more dangerous than any threat I had ever heard.

After he issued his warning, I stood still for a few seconds to debate within myself. What should I do?

"Choose, Gin," he requested, eyes dark and alluring behind the ordinary glasses.

I did.


	4. 4.

At the door to his home, he paused. Not in hesitation but an exit for me to take if I so chose.

"If you enter, Gin, I will open myself fully to you."

I was a few paces from the entrance when he made the statement. Startled, I glanced up, but he had already unlocked the heavy wooden door and entered his sanctuary.

I paused and counted to five before I crossed the threshold.

_I've made my choice._

xxxxx

His house was not what I expected.

I had thought the upper classes and the top officers lived in the laps of luxury. But his rooms were austere and almost completely utilitarian, save for a simple wall scroll.

Basic words I could read – Ran and I had started learning how to read and write only after we enrolled in the academy. But the word on the scroll was alien to me and I said as much.

He draped his kimono over a chair. "The word is the ancient Chinese script for 'illusion'."

"It looks like two boxes stacked together with a hook on the right."

He smiled. In the lamplight his skin was like silk. "Those would be the traditional tools of the trade for wandering conjurers."

I was fascinated, and lingered before the scroll, my index finger weaving in the air, tracing the lines that formed the word. He came up close behind me and just stood watching.

"Which district were you from, Gin?"

"Does it matter?" I said evenly. "I'm here now."

"Are you? Really?"

He made no move to touch me, even though I could feel his steady breathing and the heat from his body. Slowly I swiveled around, and looked up to meet his eyes.

And I stopped breathing for a long moment.

"You have beautiful eyes," I whispered, entranced by the deep brown gaze that pierced straight into my heart. "Why do you wear glasses when your eyes are so beautiful?"

"Why do you wear a smile even when you're afraid?" His rejoinder jolted me back into reality. I stepped back and collided with the wall. He cocked his head. "I said something wrong?"

With a weak smile I shook my head, trying to get myself under control.

This was Rukongai all over again. This wasn't the first time I had sold myself for our protection, even though it was the first time I had chosen a man to provide it. I had slept with women; they liked the novelty of a young boy pleasuring them, and I knew the right words to say to flatter them just sufficiently to sound sincere. But I had avoided men instinctively.

He would be my first, and I shivered inwardly with trepidation. I dared not show my fear though. He was too opaque; I could not predict his actions.

When he raised a hand I flinched, but he just brushed my hair from my eyes tenderly.

I swallowed and straightened. "What do you want me to do, sir?"

"You're the one who followed me home." The smile was almost teasing. "It's all right, Gin, I need you to relax. Come with me."

He took my hand and led me into a side room, then directed me to a seat. He sat before me, unwilling to let go. "Your hands are cold."

"I have low blood temperature." I knew my skin was always cool to the touch. The women who had paid me and protected us in the past said as much when they... _no. They are not to intrude tonight._

"What do I want you to do?" he repeated my earlier question. Aizen kissed the back of my hands, then whispered, "I want you to experience me tonight. I want you to feel me, learn all you need to about me."

I swallowed again, my throat too dry. His eyes wandered over my face, lingering over my mouth. His lips parted, the red tip of his tongue paused on the edge of his teeth. I breathed in. He was waiting for a signal, I understood, and I was surprised he was willing to cede to me the deciding vote.

_If I choose to leave now, he won't stop me._

I was stunned with the certainty of that thought. With one last deep breath, I nodded, and closed my eyes, before leaning slightly forward as if in submission to his presence.

I could feel his warm hand cup my cheek, before he moved forward and captured my lips with his own, his kiss pressing but not domineering. I hesitated, almost drew back, but then gave in and opened my mouth.

It was different from kissing women or Ran. His lips were full, but slightly dry; his tongue slid into my mouth, drawing out little whimpers from my throat. I tensed for a split second before giving in to his dominance. It was terrifying, delightfully so, and my hands reached for his shoulders to brace myself.

He had been waiting for my response; the kiss grew deeper and hungrier, and now his hands were on my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh. I grunted with the impact when he yanked me off the chair he had deposited me into earlier onto his lap, but our kiss was uninterrupted. With one practiced motion he pinned me to the floor, his tongue probing and wrestling for control.

"Ah, Gin..." he pulled away. "Gin, you are so very... unique."

I locked gazes with him. "You said you'll open yourself fully to me. Why?"

"Because I'm lonely too, Gin. Like you." He flicked a tendril of silver hair from my face.

I grinned wickedly. "And I'll believe that because I'm... gullible?"

He chuckled, the low, throaty sound stirring something deep within me. "It was worth a shot."

I looped my arms about his neck and slowly tugged his head downwards. He made a show of resisting before touching lips with me.

It was so very different from kissing women; there was perhaps some stubble that prickled my upper lip, and there was a slightly bitter taste in his mouth, like ash or smoke. He was far more demanding, always urging me to respond to his lips, his tongue... and his teeth raked over my lower lip as he started kissing along my jaw.

"Ai-aizen fukutaichou," I gasped as he nibbled on my ear before moving over my neck. With each motion I whined for more of him His breath heated my skin and I knew I had surrendered all control.

"Hmm?" His tongue darted into my ear and I shuddered.

"It's hard."

"What? Oh. The floor." Aizen propped himself on his hands. I wished his warmth was still pressing down on me, but the wooden floor was quite uncomfortable. "I almost forgot."

I would have resented his calm demeanor, if I wasn't too busy trying to catch my breath. He got off me and helped me to my feet, grabbing a kiss before leading me to his bedroom.

xxxxx

Now this was what I expected.

The room was dimmed by heavy maroon curtains. The hardwood floor was deeper in tone, and briefly I wondered how much money went into the furnishing of that one room. Probably enough to have kept Ran and me fed for one entire year in Rukongai. All the deep colors served only to enhance the pristine white sheets of the large bed.

"This is not Japanese in design," I said as he embraced me from behind. My breath caught in my throat when his hands started undoing my obi, then began removing my kimono and hakama.

I felt him strip himself as well, but I made no move to step away from the clothes pooled at my feet.

"No it's not," he agreed as he stroked my hair. I leaned backwards into the caress, baring my neck for his fingers to trail over slowly, seductively. "It's from the West, actually."

"What's in the west?"

"More people who think they're the center of the universe." He was now running his fingers over my shoulders and down my arms, then lacing his fingers through mine. "Do you remember this?"

"Y-yes."  _Oh gods, do I remember._

He placed his arms about me, crossing mine about my waist. "What else do you remember from your old life?"

"I don't want to remember. This is new."

He kissed the back of my neck, his fingers slipping free to trace the lines of my hips. "I can't believe I'm your first, Gin."

"You're the first man I'm sleeping with." I insisted, then hissed when his fingers played with my length. He was definitely skilled; even if he had a woman in his life now, I was not his first man. Or boy. I looked young, I knew, perhaps like a human child of seventeen, but I had survived long enough to know I was long past adolescence.

"I'm flattered."

Now his erection was pressing into the base of my spine, its heat a reminder of the barrier I was about to force myself to cross, and I sucked in air again. The sensation was strange, but I found my own desire roused by the thought of becoming his. "I'm horny."

"So am I." He turned me around began kissing me again with renewed ferocity. I gripped his broad shoulders and pressed myself into him, trying to convey with my body the fear and the anticipation that was spreading from my belly into my groin. I was scared, I was truly scared, but he knew what he was doing and never stopped touching me.

He ran his tongue from my mouth up the side of my face, and I pressed my lips to his neck, tasting the salt that seasoned his smooth skin. My questing hands searched up and grabbed his thick hair, and I heard a groan. His fingers kneaded into my hips and then cupped my ass, pulling me against him.

_Is that from me or him?_

_Who cares?_

The unfamiliar sensation of our erections rubbing together was igniting fiery lust deep within me. When had we moved onto the bed? The soft whiteness enveloped us both even as his caresses gentled my body to welcome him. I moaned when he pushed my legs apart with his hands, and his mouth skimmed over the softness of my inner thighs.

"What am I supposed to do?" I choked out the question when he licked my nipples. My fingers were tangled in his hair; I loved the feel of his thick hair in my hands, so unlike my own fine locks.

"Just try to relax, Gin," he murmured while laving kisses down to my belly button. His hands reached for a small jar that I hadn't noticed before, and scooped out something that was quite fresh-smelling. "It's going to feel rather peculiar in a moment..."

"What do you mean pecul-oh. Oh... oh." I tried not to stiffen.

Without any warning he rubbed the goo around my entrance, and each circle he made with his finger seemed to fire up a new nerve. Slowly he nudged and then slipped a finger into me, and pushed it further in very carefully. My legs bent, my toes curled and my thighs tightened. I had squeezed my eyes shut, scared, heart pounding heavily with apprehension and the raw newness of the experience. He placed his other hand on one knee and pushed it down, his lips at the head of my now-flaccid erection coaxing me to relax. My hands clutched at the sheets, my grip convulsing with anticipation and nervousness.

I whimpered when he slid another finger in, slowly stretching my opening. He took his time, tenderly kissing me, letting my cock rub against his chest, his mouth busying itself with my nipples as his fingers prepared me for penetration. The friction was slowly pushing me to the edge; my hands tightened around the sheets as he pushed his fingers further in. And then a third one slid into me and it _hurt._  I gulped back a cry; it was too much, for the first time...

"Relax, Gin, you have to relax..." He still had the presence of mind to lick and nip across my abdomen, but his reiatsu was growing thicker, darker, heavier.

 _How am I supposed to when you're doing this?!_ I wanted to scream at him, but I had no breath to scream with.

Finally, after an eternity, he slipped his fingers out of me and his hands moved beneath my thighs, pushing both my legs up over his shoulders.

His fingers returned to the jar and he slicked himself. I was breathing shallowly now as I admired him through lidded eyes. It was my first real look at his nudity, and I was surprised at how turned on I was by the mere sight of him. Then again, given how tender and patient he had been with me, the least I could do was try to enjoy this-

And, again without warning, he pushed into me, no longer tender, no longer patient, but hard and hot and dominating...

I cried out with agony. It was as though I was being split apart. The preparation hadn't been enough; it hurt, it really hurt like I was being taken to pieces. I screamed as he slid out and pushed back in. Or perhaps I had screamed in my mind and made no more sound than a whimpering mewl.

It burned like acid, like fire, and yet... and yet. And yet.

As he moved his hips into mine, my length rubbing between our bodies – oh gods the friction; he had one hand enveloping me, jerking me to his rhythm even as he claimed his territory – I could sense the building tension within my loins, the climax that he was holding at bay with his experienced hands. A heat bloomed from within me whenever he moved at a particular angle and when he rolled his hips - I was gasping for air - I needed to breathe - I needed him _, again, right there, Aizen-sama, please -_  he was more than everything I thought him to be. My fingers curled into the bedding and I threw my head back, wanting to submit completely to his control, for him to take me and shove me over the edge.

"Oh gods, oh... oh gods, Aizen...Aizen-sama," I gasped. My own fists were probably tearing holes in his sheets. "Wha- how... oh gods..."

"Tell me," his breathing was labored as well, "tell me why...why you deci-decided to f-follow me."

"When I fi-first saw- ah hells... I couldn't, couldn't breathe... you we-were so, so... oh..." I was only vaguely aware of the words spilling out of me as he pounded against me. With each impact I felt myself nearing the apex. His fingers were sliding over the head of my erection even as his hips slammed into me again and again. I could feel him filling me completely; his thumb was prodding and sliding over the head of my erection even as he let me thrust into his fist. "You... you had the, the kindest smile... a, a smile like, like you me-meant it... like you knew... knew everything that was going o-on, and it amused you... like e-everything amused ..."

I came with a hoarse cry, the heat from me smearing between our bodies.

"Gin... Gin, my clever boy, GIn-" He muttered my name under his breath as he moved faster and faster, then finally he stiffened and grunted as he spilled into me, a flood of warmth. I whimpered again with the sensation of his seed emptying into me, and one leg snapped forward with so much force that I heard the bedlinen rip.

He kept slamming into me until he rode out his climax, and only after he had descended from his high did he slide slowly, gingerly out of me, trailing sticky ejaculate between my legs. The dark look in his eyes seared into me, and I found myself wanting him again.

I had told myself I wasn't attracted to men. But I was definitely attracted to one man. And I would allow only one man to take me like this.

But I was spent. Unable to move, I could only let him turn me to my side and he lay down before me. One hand snaked about my waist and the other was placed on my hip, my entrance within easy access of his fingers.

"How does it feel to be taken by a man, Gin?" he asked softly, tucking my head under his chin.

I tried to move, but everything hurt. "Painful," I replied truthfully. "But oddly pleasant."

He laughed lightly and his hand brushed the fine hairs at my groin. "It hurts less each time."

"Promise?"

He let me nuzzle closer, then I realized something. "Aizen-fukutaichou-"

"I prefer when you called me Aizen-sama."

"Aizen-sama," I repeated, then went on. "I want something more though."

"Oh?" his voice was lazy and I wished I could see his expression properly. "Greedy boy. What do you want now?"

I knew what I said next would probably meant an entire week of pain, but continued anyway. "I haven't tasted you yet."


	5. 5.

I stayed away from him for close to a month.

He had just made captain; there was too much attention around him now. I did wonder whether he moved his bedroom furnishings to the new accommodations assigned him, then realized he had a generous promotion bonus that would more than suffice his redecorating needs.

"You're here."

I looked up from my book, annoyed that I had been too absorbed in my thoughts to pay attention to my surrounds.

"Byakuya-san," I cordially greeted the other student to the immense, vaulted library. The boy – he could not have been older than me, even if he acted like a stuck-up prig from the middle ages – narrowed his eyes and walked to the other end of the library, where there was a private room ready for him. I closed my book, debating if I should walk over to needle 'the Kuchiki princeling', as we Rukongai bastards dubbed him. It would be fun... but I had to confine myself to my own circle.

_For now, anyway._

I shut my text and left the library. His existence bothered me: he was privileged and handsome, he had everything at his fingertips, and he still came off as having a rod the size of a palace pillar rammed up his ass. What would it take to crack that goddamn facade?

_If he could just experience how we Rukongai street rats lived, just for one day..._

It was only after ten minutes brooding that I realized I was heading to Aizen's new quarters. My footsteps slowed; should I visit? The last time we were together I had hurt for almost a week. He had not been gentle, and strangely that had made it hotter.

The dreams... the dreams were to _die_ for.

The shadow of the building caught my attention, as did the flare of gentle, lavender reiatsu that was spiking erratically against the warm, bittersweet one I recognized to be Aizen-sama's. Hesitantly I entered the building. The other officers ignored me - anyone walking around the Gotei were assumed to have duties. It was amazing what one could accomplish by looking completely confident in being where they were supposed to go.

Of course the stolen uniform of an unseated shinigami helped.

_He might throw me out for invading his privacy._

But I was curious. Sooner or later this trait would be a liability.

Then I heard soft moaning and I blushed. Leaning against the wall I sternly scolded myself for reacting involuntarily. With my eyes closed I made my heartbeat slow and my mind calm. Finally I proceeded to the ajar door. I took a deep breath – and pushed the door open slightly, silently.

It was his woman, her uniform half off her shoulders and her hair in disarray. 

I felt a pang in my heart.

_Did I just feel jealous?_

He caught my eyes and there was a hint of heat, not meant for the woman in his lap. One eyebrow raised in question.

I slid a hand down my chest, remembering our first meeting, and also to soothe the sudden sourness in the pit of my stomach.

As I watched him lose himself I hissed in air, trying vainly to school my emotions, as he had instructed. My smile felt tight and 

" _You are still easy to read, Gin, even though you have some talent in controlling your expressions."_

" _Really?"_

" _I love your smile... but I would suggest you never show your eyes again unintentionally. The practiced reader will be able to peruse your inner thoughts like a book." He ran his fingers over my eyelids._

_I had smiled then. "Is that how you are able to read my inner thoughts?"_

" _I don't have to read them, my dear boy," he had chided. "You paint them in brilliant colors for me to see. Blindfolded."_

I came out of my reverie, only to see he had her pinned and was pounding into her. Judging from her hitched breathing, he wasn't gentle. Yet I merely observed until he carried her to the couch, making sure I was out of her line of sight.

He helped her with her clothes and stroked her long black hair. Then he stood and turned to me.

"Come on in."

"Won't she wake?" I wasn't ecstatic at having a third party present if we were to get intimate. Unlikely, since he had just enjoyed himself, but he  _was_ a captain and had a great deal of stamina...

He merely smiled lopsidedly and held out a hand to me. "Kido spell, Gin. Useful stuff. Come here before I use force on you."


	6. 6.

Aizen-sama had good taste.

"You like it?"

I was still in open-mouthed shock. Finally I managed to stutter, "I… I love it."

It was an entire house just outside of Seireitei, already deeded to me. I could not believe it; there were at least ten rooms and everything was perfectly and simply furnished. The small garden was exquisitely manicured, and in the shade of dark pines grew irises – violet irises, the kinds I love.

_How could he have known?_

He then led me by the hand down the corridor, pointing out various rooms as we passed them by.

"…and this, Gin, is the sword room." Aizen-sama slid the door open and I sighed in pleasure. The spacious room was already furnished with the necessities, along with a selection of beautiful swords and other weaponry displayed on one wall.

I took off my shoes and entered reverentially. It had been a private dream, treasured deep in my heart, to own a house where I lacked for nothing, to have all the beautiful things I wanted, to just enjoy without fear…

Then I whipped about to face him. "I can't afford this place, Aizen-sama. I can't even pay for the upkeep of the garden!"

"I can." His expression remained genial and gentle.

I knew that to be the mask he wore – different from my sardonic and sarcastic mien, but similar in purpose.

I swallowed, not really wanting to ask the next question, but knowing I must. "What do you want me to do?"

He remained standing at the door, leaning casually against the jamb. "I want nothing from you, Gin. You came to me with nothing, and so I expect nothing."

I wet my dry and chapped lips.

His smile grew pensive. "You don't trust me, do you?"

"I do!" I hastily corrected him, and flushed at my own impertinence.

He stepped into the pristine room, then gathered me into his embrace. I resisted for a split second before folding into the hug. He played with my hair, running his strong fingers through the fine locks, tugging gently at the ends. I half-closed my eyes. I loved the way he smelled: musky, with a hint of amber. His scent blended so well into his reiatsu signature.

"I'll pay for this place because you want a place of your own, Gin," he murmured. I could feel the rumble within his broad chest. "And you can come by anytime without fear, because this is Rukongai and shinigami don't bother about property owned outside Seireitei."

"But…"

"But you will come in now and then to enjoy what is yours, Gin. Bring whomever you want. Bring Matsumoto if you want. Or keep it a secret place between you and me; it's your choice."

I grinned into his shoulder to hide the tears threatening to spill. "You spoil me, Aizen-sama."

"You deserve spoiling." He leaned his cheek against my temple. "Hmm. You've grown taller."

"It's the food. And also the exercise."

"I'm hungry. I need food right now," he declared and took my hand. "And later, we can exercise a little."

I put on an innocent tone. "What sort of little exercise, Aizen-sama?"

He gave me a one-eyed glance, mock-stern. "Sword drill, of course. What were you thinking of, Gin?"

I smiled innocently, letting my fingers twine with his.


	7. 7.

Ran bounced up to me, her eyes sparkling. "Where did you get assigned to, Gin-chan?"

"I told you not to call me that," I said without rancor as I closed the door after she entered my room. "Someplace called Kurashiki. You?"

"Kakunodate. Damn. I'd hoped we'd be assigned to the same place." She flopped on my bed, then bounced on it. "Your mattress still feels so firm, Gin. Don't you ever sleep?"

"Of course I do," I said. She took the drink I offered. "I just don't abuse my bed the way you do."

She harrumphed and pouted. I smiled more widely. The prospect of not seeing her for three whole months was, to say the least, upsetting.

Ever since I saw her lying in the middle of that dusty road, I had been with her and she with me. Even now, when we lived in separate dormitories, she was never more than a call away. To think of being in different districts, learning from our assigned mentors, never sharing a private joke, a hidden moment, a simple grin... not hearing her laughter ringing across the yard, not seeing her strawberry-blond hair shine in the morning light during assembly, not feeling her reiatsu like an ever-present voice in the back of my mind...

"Gin?" she leaned forward and peered into my face. "Gin-chan? You alright?"

I hastily smiled again. "A'course I am, Ran. I was just thinking."

"So was I," she said, leaning back on her hands. "I'll miss you, Gin-chan."

"I'm sure you will. Between all the fawning from other male shinigami." I tried to keep my tone as neutral as possible, but some hint of what I felt seemed to have seeped into the undertone.

She cocked her head. "You're jealous."

"Am not. Why should I be?" I traced the curve of her neck, then the lines of that one errant lock that fell on her chest, directing my gaze to the valley of her buxom breasts... I focused. I had to make a clean break with her before Aizen-sama decided that she was useful or interesting. Ran must not be involved.

I had sold my soul to the devil but I would never sell Ran.

"Because you love me." Her smile was challenging and yet anticipatory.

"Of course I love you, Ran, you're my best friend. You're like my sister." I grinned. There was a shimmer of hurt deep within her brown eyes and I swallowed the stab in my gut.

Her smile faltered but she braved it out. "Only a sister? You mean you've never thought about... thought about me?"

"I think about you all the time, Ran. How could I not? You're the only family I have in this circle of self-centered jerks."

"Not... Gin," said Ran, now serious. "Gin, I love you. Not as a brother, not as a friend. I love you, woman to man."

I stilled. These were words I had wanted to hear for the longest time , and now that I heard them, I knew I would treasure them forever. But I could not act on them. I must not.

She went on, shifting closer to me. "Can you honestly tell me... tell me that you've never been attracted to me? Never thought... never thought about how my lips would taste? How my skin would feel against yours?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. Finally I blew out a breath. "Ran, I... I won't lie. I have thought... I've thought about these before. But it's not love, Ran. You know it. It's just... I love you like a sister. I won't ever change that."

She sat before me, silent, her eyes wide and unseeing, slowly rimming with redness. Then she broke into a faltering smile and stood up.

"Thanks, Gin," said Ran. I could tell she desperately wanted to embrace me or strangle me or both, but she merely clasped her hands behind her back. "I'll just uh... I'll just, head out with my dorm friends for some... some drinks. I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow in class."

"I'll see you too."

As I shut the door on her my shoulders began to shake, and I clenched my fists so tightly the bone showed white. I folded slowly onto the floor, still shaking, burying my face in my forearms, unwilling to admit that I had just sent my entire future into hell. I could have had her, I could have had happiness.

 _Far too dramatic, Gin. Get up, go to sleep._ I had to laugh at my inner critic. I was always observing me from another point of view, some part of me detached and emotionless.Just when I was about to head for bed, I heard voices outside my room.

"Hey, Rangiku. Out to drink again? I can escort ya to the bar."

"Fumio. Hey. It's late. I'm just... going back to my room."

"You've been crying."

"Fumio it's none of your business – hey!"

I heard a muffled scream and some sounds of struggle. Then silence. 

Nothing else.

I looked at the closed door.  _Fumio meant for me to hear. He must have set a trap for me too._

I looked out the window. Aizen-sama would still be awake in his new office – currently in charge of designing an inter-society shinigami exchange program, he would be working late. He did not want to be interrupted in this, he had said – work before pleasure. Yet I would need something from him.

_Trap or no, I'm going._


	8. 8.

He didn't bother to turn around when I entered his office through a window. The security measures were a joke - I could spot all his little traps. Or maybe he had designed them in such a way that I had safe entry into his office... 

"What do you need, Gin?" His tone was clipped and cool, and I felt rebuked. Nevertheless I requested the tools I needed. He pointed at the wall of cabinets in the next office. "Third shelf, second box on the left."

"Thank you, Aizen-taichou."

He almost looked at me when I called him that, but resumed poring over his work. The shinigami exchange program would allow him to plant his eyes and ears all over the world - he had been quietly proud that I had pointed that out to him when he shared about it - and he needed it to be a resounding success.

I bowed again and left as fast as I could. Ran was waiting for me, as was Fumio.

 _He's going to pay,_ I told myself.

xxxxx

Her reiatsu was seared into the map of my mind; I could feel her presence, pulsing, ebbing. It brought to mind the night I found her. She had been so fragile, so small; she had been nearly  _empty_. Yet she had shone like a beacon.

_Bastards must've knocked her out._

When I got there I almost guffawed. It was a run-down storehouse, right on the outskirts of the Gotei. There was no number on the door to indicate which division owned it. There was no light save for the moon's sickly pallor. I shook my head – how typical of those thugs.

If I had kidnapped the woman of my dreams, she'd be in my bed already.

I didn't know if he had tried to track my movement - I would, if it had been me - but Aizen-sama's kit would have muted my presence. They were made to his size, but with a little folding and a belt everything had fit well enough. 

 _Reiatsu masking material. I love them._ Now I took off everything but the gloves before I knocked on the door. I hid my hands in my pockets.

It was Fumio's henchman, the doubled pigtailed guy who opened the door. I inclined my head in greeting; he grinned viciously. Fumio stood up from his seat. Ran was gagged and tied to a chair, her eyes spitting fire. I ignored her completely as I made my way to Fumio, gaze on my feet.

"Hey, Ichi-chan," he leered when I stood before him. "Here for something?"

"Obviously. Let Ran go now."

"Lemme see...uh, no." He shoved himself out of his seat, and towered over me. "I told you to stay away from her."

I didn't budge. I didn't speak. I didn't smile.

He leaned into my personal space. "I'm gonna let her see what happens to the men she gets close to."

I slowly raised my face to meet his large one.

"Fumio, you have so much to learn." I took one step back. "To get Ran, never, ever use force. She'll run the other way. You gotta get her to desire you. You tease her, you let her play... and take it away from her. You need a demo?"

In a flash I was by her side. The other goon that was there raised a fist, but Fumio shook his head. I bent my head close to Ran, who was by now mad enough to kill. Her reiatsu pulsed fiercely, bright as the summer heat. She glared into my eyes. I moved close enough to kiss her, but let my lips hover over her mouth, my breath a gossamer veil on her skin. Gradually I shifted down, following her jawline, then the curve of her neck, then the swell of her breasts.

"That's enough," Fumio said. With a wicked grin I looked up, and Ran's pink cheeks were telltale signs that I had turned her on indeed. When I turned to look at her abductor, he was breathing a little erratically – as was the double pigtailed crony behind him.

I straightened. "So boys, let Ran go."

"Why?" Fumio crossed his beefy arms.

I raised my eyebrows and let a slow smile play on my lips. "Let her go and I'll stay. Call it a... rehearsal."

Ran let out a muffled protest. I nudged her ankle with my foot to quieten her, and stepped up to the two. "I'll stay. I've been told I'm very handy, and I have a skilled... tongue." I licked my lips. "And I can be very, very  _wicked_."

"Mrrmmphff!" Ran was indignant.

Fumio half-turned to listen to his two henchmen. "Sano and Ishido both think it's a fair trade. And since I like to treat my friends, I accept."

I untied Ran as fast as I could without appearing to hurry, then whispered in her ear, "Run. Lock the door until you feel my reiatsu and hear my voice outside."

"I'm not leaving-"

"Then they'll rape you," I stated baldly.

"And you?"

"Ran, you know I can take this. It's not my first time," I said in a low voice. "I don't want you to go through this. Leave."

Her nostrils flared but she obeyed. I walked her to the door, keenly aware that the three goons were watching my every move. Once she stepped out, she fled. I shut the door after her and leaned my brow against it.

"There anyone else besides you three?" I asked when I turned around.

"No." The crooked grin on the goon called Ishido was nauseating. I smiled brightly at him.

Fumio sat back in his chair. "So,  _Gin._ How you wanna service us? How good is it gonna be?"

I shrugged out of my kimono top, leaving it around my waist. The reiatsu-masking black gloves contrasted against my pale skin, and I noticed how Ishido – the pigtailed one – licked his lips. Brushing my hair from my eyes, I smirked. "It's gonna be so good, you're all gonna  _die_."

My smile faded.

A few minutes later, the screaming began.

xxxxx

"Is she alright?" Aizen-sama asked when I returned the gloves the next morning.

"Ran's safe," I said.

"Them?" he asked as he opened the package I had brought him. The variety of dishes surprised him.

Ran had been unable to rest and had plundered the kitchen larder, preparing a mountain of food. When I finally returned without a mark she had thrown her arms around me and sobbed herself to sleep.

I smiled furtively. "They'll survive."

He took my hand and kissed it. "You're growing out your nails. Why?"

"I have my reasons." My smile grew.

_From now on I will leave my mark on every single person who hurts Ran – one that will never, ever fade._

"I'll visit you in the human world, Gin," said Aizen-sama. I took a dumpling with my fingers and fed it to him, fixated by the curl of his tongue when he took the morsel into his mouth.

 _Oh yes, the human world. Three months of not seeing Ran... and three months for Fumio to plot some sort of revenge._ _Homecoming should be fun._


	9. 9.

Three months was a long time.

Over the three months I had met up with Ran exactly twice and Aizen-sama almost every evening. As captain he had the freedom to come and go as he pleased, and he had a contact in the twelfth that allowed him to travel as often as he wanted to the real world.

And over the past twelve weeks he had outlined his plan for me. I remembered the conversation I had after that night of Fumio-thrashing.

“ _Don't hurt her, Aizen-sama, please,” I had whispered, clinging to his shoulders, pressing myself against his hard body. We had made love that morning, and I knew I had let Ran's name slide out of my mouth when I climaxed._

_I hadn't meant to._

_I didn't want to._

“ _I wouldn't hurt her, Gin,” he said, kissing me on my forehead tenderly._

_I let my guard down for a second. Ran must be safe._

“ _I won't hurt her, Gin.” He kissed me again before adding, “You'll do it for me.”_

“ _No,” I started shaking my head. “No. No, not even for you. I can't do it.”_

“ _Oh?” he had smiled sardonically. His grip on my body tightened. “So you prefer for me to seduce her, get her to fall in love with me, then let_ me _hurt her?”_

I leaned back and sighed. There were other choices, of course, but I knew that Ran was Aizen-sama's way of securing my loyalty.

His plan was simple: Ran had to be completely devoted to me, never doubting me, never thinking that I could be evil. Since she had already professed to love me, Aizen-sama said it would be easier for me.

Then, when the time comes - “at the opportune moment” - I had to betray her. Fully.

So that if she had to battle either of us, she would not be able to control herself. There would be far too much to deal with: her resentment, her yearning, her confusion, her anger, her hope, her mercy.

It sounded simple: break a woman's heart.

But I knew he wanted to see how far I would go to secure her affections, and how far I would push myself to pledge my fealty. It was also a way to end all ties to my previous life the moment the opportune time arrived.

I could feel him outside my door.

“Aizen-sama,” I greeted as I rose from my seat.

“Good afternoon.” he looked better than he did the last time I saw him. There was a genteel gleam in his eyes, and the smile was exquisitely sincere.

He might be a demon in angel wings, but I was still drawn to him.

I pouted. “Matsumoto was prodding me about why I was with her yesterday, Aizen-sama, when I hadn't been with her for almost three months. It was rather...” I saw how he didn't believe my tone of irritation and I switched. "Do I have to be the one to hurt her, Aizen-sama?"

“You want me to change our arrangement instead? It's clear she prefers your company.”

I twisted my lips, still unwilling to give in.

"Gin, she can take whatever hurt you'll inflict upon her. Can you be sure she'll heal if I were the one inflicting?" He removed his glasses and ran his hand through his thick hair, instantly changing his appearance.

I knew I was the only one who had seen this aspect of the popular and widely-respected Aizen Sousuke, captain of the fifth.

Not even Tousen Kaname – that condescending, arrogant, self-righteous prick – knew this much about his chosen ally.

I felt honored by his trust. He saw my open notebook and drew another perfect circle in it. It was the fifteenth doodle he had in my book; most times he drew a series of concentric circles (all perfectly circular), and once he sketched a leaf in such detail, I could see every minuscule vein coursing with life.

“Another perfect circle.” I climbed into his lap, loving the way he smelled today. The musk and amber notes were still there, but now there was a hint of pine or fir. _He must have visited a forest in the morning._ “Aren't you tired of perfection?”

“Are you?”

I wriggled as he began working on the cord between my shoulder and neck. It felt good to have his arms about me, even though I was tall enough to look him eye to eye now. He caressed my thighs and I took a deep breath.

Ran was the one I love, but Aizen-sama was the one I wanted.

My fingers began playing with his toes.

He chuckled. The sound of his simple laugh could turn me on all by itself; the deep, rich, velvety voice, with just a hint of power and control, the contained humor, the self-assuredness... Sometimes I thought he practiced that one chuckle just to seduce people. “You've yet to make me beg, Gin.”

I also thought he sometimes made statements like this to get me to seduce him.

Who was I to refuse? “I'll try again now, Aizen-sama,” I said, kissing the underside of his chin. It was soft and smooth, and here I could taste his unique scent the strongest. My tongue ran over the skin, drawing as much flavor as I could, then bit down softly while I sucked.

Turning around, I straddled him, now laughing at his willingness to play along for now. He had yet to let me have my way with him – other than the one time – and I knew the chance would not be today. As we kissed deeply I could feel myself reacting to his skillful mouth and naughty hands.

His fingers rolled over my nipples, and they hardened immediately. He pulled away, ignoring my soft mewl of protest, but I exhaled in anticipation when he flipped me onto my back.

I wanted him, to the exclusion of everything else.

I was honored by his trust, I was corrupted by his touch.

I didn't care.

The devil wore angel wings in the beginning too.

 


	10. 10.

When I heard that Ran had been to an interview with Aizen-sama I was stunned.

“... and he's offered me an internship position for the holidays! Can you believe it?” Ran gushed while flipping through _Shinigami Monthly_. I washed my dishes methodically, trying to process the information. “Aizen-taichou also asked if I had any friend I could recommend so I wouldn' be too lonely.”

“Did you mention Ise Nanao?” I asked. I returned to the bed where she was lounging and nudged her to make space for me.

She pouted and I leaned down to kiss her. She said, “Why would I mention Nanao-chan? I want you to be there with me. Besides, everyone knows Nanao-chan is being wooed by a certain captain.”

I let her rest her head on my right arm, my left draped over my abdomen. Although I had his word, his interviewing Ran bothered me.

_What are you up to, Aizen-sama?_

The woman beside me tossed the magazine over the edge of the bed. I grimaced and made to pick it up with my free hand, but she grabbed hold of my chin and compelled me to face her. “I want to know.”

“Know what, Ran?”

“What has been going on, Gin?” she inquired softly. “You've always been aloof and a little odd, but recently you've been downright weird.”

“Nothing has been going on that you don't know about, Ran.” I took her fingers from my face.

“Liar.” She sat up halfway, propped on her elbow. I took time to admire her silky hair and golden complexion with my fingers, but she was not in the mood for foreplay right now. “Gin! I'm serious. Tell me what's going on.”

“Nothing that concerns you, Ran,” I said again.

She huffed and sat further up, crossing her arms. With a heavy sigh I sat up too. I scratched my head, wondering what I could say to distract her.

Ran helped me out. “At least tell me what happened that night in the warehouse.”

“You sure you want to know?”

“You told me to run because I might get raped, and I did – not because I was afraid, but because you seemed afraid for me. And then you come back with not even a single scratch on you. Gin, I don't...” her mouth opened and shut. I wanted to giggle. She dragged her hand through her thick hair.

_What is it about thick hair that gets to me?_

“Gin, please tell me the truth.” She sounded unaccountably weary and small and lost. Slowly, hesitantly, I reached for her hands in her lap.

“Ran,” I began, then stopped. I wasn't going to continue. But I couldn't leave it hanging like this. “Ran, I gave Fumio and his lackeys a good thrashing. That was all. I'm sure you heard about it.”

She nodded. “You put them in hospital.”

“You know the truth, Ran. Why did you have to push me for it?” Suddenly I felt angry with Ran, angry that she existed, angry that she had to go to the extent of forcing me to admit to things I had done.

I was furious, and thus completely unprepared for her searing kiss that followed.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered against my mouth. “I just wanted to hear it from you.”

She hugged me again, her hot skin burning against me. I pressed my lips on her cheek, then her eyelids, then her lips, taking everything in. Her hands slid down my back to knead my buttocks. With a grunt I pushed her onto her back, eager to savor the pleasure of being in her.

“Ran,” I murmured as I began caressing her breasts. Her dark pink nipples hardened against my palm and my mouth. Almost involuntarily she opened her legs wider. Gently I placed one leg on my shoulder as I lavished kisses from the valley between her pale, perfect mounds to her flat belly.

Her fingers, strong and callused, kneaded my shoulders and neck, tangling into my hair as I kissed up to her lips again.

“Do you want me, Ran?” I hissed, now slipping my fingers into her wetness, rubbing her clit. She was breathing heavily, eyes half closed, skin flushed. “Do you want me?”

“Yes, oh gods yes,” she slurred, lips red and full. I locked my mouth on hers, ravishing every flavor of Ran I could get. My hands now slip around her thighs, pressing them closer to me.

I wanted her, I wanted to take her to the edge and yank her back until she was screaming for me to finish the job. “Tell me... how you want me, Ran.” I left her delicious mouth and licked down slowly, trying to rein in my raging need.

“I want... Gin, I want... your, your hands all over... I want you t-to sssuck – oh gods – go, go down... I waannt – nnghegh – you to let me... let me rrride you... mmmake me sssscreamm...”

My nails scraped along her inner thighs and she quivered. Her scent had enveloped me and I was so ready I was hurting.

But I breathed evenly as I kissed her inner thigh softly. She moaned when my tongue flicked along her folds, her hands kneading along my neck and into my hair. I drank her in, her legs tightening about me, the enticing scent of her essence seared into my brain.

I was confused, and angry, and so in love with this one woman. She pulled me up to face her and she rolled me onto my back, her mouth cutting off my groans as she slid over me. My hands moved blindly up her body, memorizing every inch of silky skin by touch, squeezing and gripping and caressing. We pulled apart as she looked at me, her heavy lidded eyes burning with desire. Her glorious hair curtained around our faces and I inhaled the heavenly scent.

Leisurely, unhurriedly, she took me into her body. I held myself still, a small smile playing on my lips. Her breathing quickened as she sheathed me to the hilt, then gasped when I snapped my hips up.

“That'll teach you to draw the moment out,” I whispered half-scoldingly. Her response was to circle her slim hips agonizingly slowly and it was my turn to moan.

She bent close to my ear and murmured, “I win.”

“Not yet,” I retorted and began to thrust upward rhythmically. She choked back a cry but met my every challenge.

I let myself float on the flames generated between us, the fire searing into my bones as we battled for mastery, melted into each other, exploded, rested, and began anew... When sleep finally claimed us, my final coherent thought was that we had forgotten to switch off the lights.

The sun's light shining in my face stirred me into awareness. And I woke to find her gone, her lingering scent a stinging reminder of what could have been.

The fury begun anew.

Matsumoto Ran – why did she have to exist?

Why did she have to be in my life?

Why did she have to make me vulnerable?

And why did she have to compel me to fall in love with her?

 


	11. 11.

I knew it was a mistake the second the words left my mouth.

Aizen-sama had merely glanced at me dispassionately, then turned to Tousen-fukutaichou. “Who is this?”

“This is Ichimaru Gin, taichou,” said the vice-captain. “He's the one Matsumoto Rangiku recommended for the second internship position.”

“Is that so? I suppose I will have to re-evaluate later.”

“I... I apologize for barging in, sirs,” I had stammered and tried to back out of the office. “I didn't know-”

“Take him to the lockdown area downstairs,” Aizen-sama had said coolly. He hadn't looked at me as Tousen grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the office. “I will deal with him when I'm done processing the paperwork.”

The vice-captain followed orders to the letter. I sat in the cell, trying to figure out what insanity had possessed me to dash into his office in the day without even checking to see if he was alone. And to actually demand that he explain himself...

“I must have gone out of my mind,” I groaned into my hands. What happened last night must have had screwed up my mental capabilities.

The faint but steady tread of feet stirred me to the here and now.

I saw Tousen first, who led me out of my cell but bound my wrists with kido. Then I saw him, implacable, stern, wearing the mask of a righteous man. “Aizen-taichou, I apologize, I-”

“Take him there, Tousen. You know the place.”

“Yes taichou.”

Soon we were in the backyard of Aizen's captain quarters. A rack had been set up there and grimly I understood I was to be punished.

_No matter. I can take pain._

When the fifth division captain reappeared before my eyes I was already manacled to the metal structure. He sat on a sturdy chair before me, and the reflection of light from his glasses obscured his eyes.

“You are Ichimaru Gin?”

“Yes, Aizen-taichou.”

He rested his arms on the arms of the chair. “Tousen, remove his top. I don't want him to have to deal with a bloodied kimono after the disciplining.”

_Blood? That would mean wounds... But I can take wounds. No problem._

The vice-captain inclined his head. “How many?”

“Five for trespassing division property. Just for starters.”

I braced myself. The first stinging blow came from a lash as thick as Aizen's thumb, and I knew I hissed with every strike.

He then leaned back. There was no expression on his coldly calculating face. “Ten for bypassing proper interview channels.”

Tousen was not merciful; every lash felt as if it had struck clear to the bone. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I gulped back the burning stings.

“Ten for barging into my office while I was in a conference.”

“Taichou-” Tousen began, but stopped. He took a deep breath – and swung his arm down.

I stopped myself from crying out by biting into my lower lip. By the eighth lash I could taste a lot of blood in my mouth.

Aizen-sama pushed up the bridge of his glasses. “Five for impertinence.”

I shut off my breathing. I knew that tears had gathered behind my eyes, and I knew of the blood that traced down my body and my back.

I also knew he had no intention of stopping the lashing until he was satisfied.

“And now, for actually having the audacity to demand classified information from me...” Aizen-sama folded his hands together, like the gentleman he was, “lash him. Ten times.”

I could feel every lash even though there was probably no undamaged nerve left on my back to feel with. How was it possible to feel through the haze of dizziness and numbness?

“Again.”

_Ehhgh. Not gonna scream. Never gonna scream._

“Again.”

_Uhhngh. Not gonna cry. Never gonna cry._

“Again.”

_Nnghagh. Not gonna scream. Never gonna scream._

“Again.

I might have fainted; next thing I knew my arm was draped across his broad shoulders and he was heading for the bedroom.

When he tossed me onto the bed it felt as if my back was set on fire. I wanted to sit up, to lift the pressure off my back, but he held me down. Nevertheless, I had to know.

“Ai-aizen-sama...You... you haven't a-answered me. Why... why did you interview Ran?”

He ignored my question, as he had done earlier. “And you haven't learned your lesson.”

_What lesson am I supposed to learn now?_

He ripped off the rest of my clothes. Each tug, each pull tore my wounds open just that little bit further. Yet I held on to the present; I didn't wish to sink into unconsciousness. I still had that small part of clarity in me to realize he had stripped himself as well – probably to avoid getting blood on his clothes.

 _Gods, the stinging numbness of my back.._. I tried to turn on my side but he clipped me across the jaw. It didn't hurt much, but I understood and swallowed the pain.

“I fear you might have received the wrong impression from me, Gin.” He placed his fingertips together, looking thoughtful. He still had his glasses on. “I think you believe our relationship is something other than what it is. And to help you remember what our relationship really is about...”

He reached under the bed.

 _No. No, no no no... not the box._ I knew the contents well; I had tested them out last week.

xxxxx

All of them, even the little vial. And Aizen-sama had restricted the use of the vial's contents. “No more than one drop, Gin,” he had said seriously. “I don't want to try explaining why I have a cold burn on the inside of my thigh to Unohana.”

“Is it that strong?” I had asked. Cautiously I tipped the vial until one glistening drop coalesced on the tip, and I watched with bated breath as it fell. Aizen-sama had shivered – the unflappable, fearless Aizen-sama, shivering from one single drop – as the drop seared white into his skin, and he had actually blanched with pain as the drop rolled down his inner thigh. By the time the drop was absorbed into the bedsheet, Aizen-sama had been drenched with sweat and panting like he'd just completed a marathon.

xxxxx

He rummaged in it a little, playing out the line. I hoped he'd choose the matches. Or the candles.

Not that I liked it hot any more than cold, but if even Aizen-sama had that sort of reaction... “Aizen-sama...”

"Uh-uh-uh. I did not ask you to speak. Let's see... what do we have here? The four basic groups…" he said. I remembered the lesson: hot, cold, sharp, blunt. Four basic classes of torture implements.

 _He'll pick the one that hurts most._ I knew my face paled.

He picked out the matches.

_Starter course._

"Describe our relationship, Gin. What sort of relationship do you think we have?"

 _We are lovers._ “We... you are my leader and I am your follower.”

He knew I was lying and lit a match. The little flame blazed and died on my skin. He flicked a glance at it before asking again, “So, Gin, what sort of relationship do you think we have? Who am I to you?”

“You're my t-teacher.” My breath caught; the slow burn of my raw back was turning into a raging inferno with every minute.

“Nice try.” He dropped two more matches on two of my most sensitive spots. I yelped. He hissed softly, “That is the last scream you make, until I say otherwise. Or I will personally add thirty lashes per scream you make. Is that clear?”

 _No more lashes. I don't even have a back left._ I nodded to show compliance. Perhaps I should tell the truth.

“Now, tell the truth, Gin. Who am I to you, really?”

 _The truth._ “... my lover. We... we are lovers.”

“Smart boy.” He took my weak hand. I closed my eyes and breathed as steadily as I could. This was gonna hurt like hell. “But that means...”

I knew it was coming, but the shock of agony that darted through my veins sent my other fingers convulsing and my eyes rolling back in my head. I screamed when he broke another finger.

"If you think of me as your lover, that would mean we are equals. Which... is patently wrong." He left his hand that had just caressed me over my heart.

I could feel it hammering against my ribs. Before I could force myself to calm down searing hot reiatsu skewered my limbs to the bed. I didn't scream – because I couldn't. I knew I had spittle spraying from me as I cried out silently.

And the most intense pain came from the hand pinning my chest to the bed – he had spiked fiery reiatsu through my torso. My head was spinning, I was feeling nauseous... I knew this feeling.

_I know this feeling._

He pulled me away from the bed with my hair. I tried to focus; my vision swam. I could feel the tear of muscle in my arms and legs.

He was there, but he was a blur. He said something... what did he say? He sounded muffled. I wanted to hear better. What did he say? “Please...please.”

Was that from me?

xxxxx

“Please. Please, let me through. My mum's in there.”

There were too many of them. I swallowed, trying not to let my nervousness show. I just wanted my mum and I to leave. But where was she?

I pushed my way through the thick crowd until I saw her kneeling before a large, bald man. He had a fearsome scar across one eye and a crooked nose. For an instant I shrank back, but when he slapped my mother I darted forward.

_No one hurts my mum._

I didn't bargain for another man to grab me and lift me off the ground. I flailed about helplessly, screaming, “Mum! Let go of me! MUM!!”

“Who's this now?” the large man asked. He stank. I could smell his stink from where I was. He peered closely at me. “Who's this pretty little boy now?”

“He's... he's my son.” My mother shot one quick look at me, then returned to tugging on the large man's sleeve. “Please. Please, just one more shot. One more. You won't even miss it.”

The large man nodded and I was set on the ground. Terrified I ran to my mother and clung to her skinny frame. The large man grinned, showing three gold teeth. I buried my face in my mother's silver hair.

“He's prettier than you, bitch.”

I knew that was not a good word. “How can he say that about you, mum?” I whispered fiercely into her ear.

“Hush,” she silenced me. Her eyes were large and haunted, the dark circles more prominent than ever. “Boss is a very, very... very kind man. He's very nice.”

“Yes I am,” the large man – Boss – agreed.

I still refused to let go of my mother, but she pushed me aside. Stroking my hair, she wasn't looking at me as she said, “Be quiet now.”

I bit my lower lip. Maybe this Boss person was nice, like my mum said he was.

“A week's supply, in exchange.” He leaned back in the seat.

I looked at Mum. She was twisting her thin hands together, the knuckles white. She was still shaking, as she had been doing since last morning.

Boss looked at me again.

I didn't like him looking at me. It made me feel like I had worms under my skin, and I felt like scrubbing myself clean in the river.

My mother reached for my hands and she climbed shakily to her feet. Slowly we made our way out of the crowd.

I thought it'd be nice to go to the market to see if we could get some fruit, and I was saying so when Boss called out, “Two weeks' supply.”

Mum stopped walking. I tugged on her hand; I wanted out of this strange, smoky place, with so many big men looking, all the time. She let her silver hair fall in front of her face when she looked at me.

“Gin-chan,” she said, caressing my cheeks. “Gin-chan, be good now. Will you be good for mummy?”

“Of course,” I nodded fiercely.

“Good boy.” She looked at Boss and nodded slowly. One of the big men gave her a large package, then held out a hand to me. Mum put my hand in the big man's. I drew my hand away. She said again, “Be good now. You're a big boy already.”

“Mum?” I didn't know what was going on; the big man grabbed my left wrist hard enough to hurt. “Mum? Mummy? Where are you going? What's going on?”

“Gin-chan, darling, mummy's gonna... Mummy's gonna get some food for us, okay?” she said. Her eyes were looking everywhere else but at me. “Boss is gonna... he's gonna look after you while I'm g-gone. Be good, Gin-chan. Be good.”

“Mum?!!?” I shrieked as she ascended the steps. Something was desperately wrong.

She stopped at the top of the steps. I struggled to free myself from the big man holding me now. She turned back, crying, panting. “Goodbye, Gin-chan. Be a good boy for mummy.” Then she turned and ran out of the den.

“Mummy? MUMMY?!!?!”

xxxxx

_Hands. Too many hands. Then came the hurt. A lot of hurt. Then the pain; red hot pokers; the choking, the screaming. And there were others..._

My eyes fluttered open.

A gloved hand. A glittering vial.

_Pretty... pretty colors._

_I hurt._

_I want out. I want out of here. I want to find my mother, to get out of this place where I can smell blood, and smoke, to return to her. Even if we have to go hungry for the rest of my life... I want out. Now._

Someone was holding me down. I twisted, I thrashed about, I fought desperately; I wanted out.

Someone let me up. Someone cradled me against warm, soft skin; someone embraced me and stroked my hair; someone removed the cloth stuck to my back... why did my back hurt?

I blinked. There were tears; my mouth was dry from heavy breathing. I tried not to gag. He was looking at me. Dark brown eyes, compassionate, gentle, loving eyes, behind black-framed glasses. He looked concerned.

_Who is this man?_

_Where am I?_

“I hope you've learned your lesson, Gin.”

_What lesson? What's going on?_

I breathed in shakily and shut my eyes. I felt his tender lips on my forehead, pressing a kiss on me.

_Aizen-sama. This is Aizen-sama. He'll make things right. I'm with Aizen-sama. Oh gods..._

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sorry.” I murmured against his warm, welcoming skin. I didn't know what I was sorry for, but there was overwhelming guilt that surfaced from the base of my stomach to my trembling lips. “I-I'm sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...”

I was safe. He was here.

I tried not to tremble with relief, but was failing miserably.

He was here. I was safe.

My arms looped about his waist, and suddenly tears rolled out of my eyes.

I had not cried since the day my mother left me for dead.

He soothed me, his fingers stroking my damp skin.

He was here.

I was here.

He would keep me safe.

I would be safe. I had to be.

Then a scream ripped my throat raw when liquid fire exploded over my back.

 


	12. 12.

I woke up and stared at the ceiling.

It was white, the grain of the pattern brilliantly defined in the light of the new day. Briefly I debated getting up, but decided against it; it felt too good to be just lying there, not doing anything.

I heard the steady inhale-exhale of another person on my right. Languorously I turned my head, and the features of Aizen Sousuke's sleeping face came into view. I traced the strong jaw and nose bridge with my eyes, and I felt a sharp pang in my gut.

He was thinner. There was a gray pallor over his skin, and I could see worry lines around his mouth, his eyes and between his brows. I could even spot a few white hairs around his temples. The five o'clock shadow around his jaw was a lot darker than one day's growth seemed to warrant.

I struggled upright; my arms didn't seem to want to support my body weight.

He was sprawled on the spacious bed, and I recognized the dusty green cotton robe. It was sharply wrinkled; he must have slept in it for quite a few days.

My movements appeared to have woken him from his slumber. He blinked, saw the empty space where I had lain a minute ago, then he scrambled upright, his eyes panicked. Then his eyes fell upon me and he breathed out slowly.

I just looked at him.

“Gin?” Aizen-sama's voice was quiet, hesitant.

I kept gazing at him, not smiling, not moving. He was not only thinner, he was gaunt. I could also see that his thick hair was tangled and he had fallen asleep on his glasses. The frames were askew on the pillow and there was a deep imprint of the wire on the side of his face.

“Gin?” he said again. I didn't respond. He raised his eyes and worked his mouth for a bit, then he thinned his lips and made to get out of bed. He faced the window, then scrubbed his face with his hands.

 _God, he looks so fatigued._ I reached out to caress his shoulder. _Was it because of me?_

“Aizen-sama,” I whispered.

He froze. Then he opened and shut his mouth a few times, before finally squeezing his eyes shut. “What did you say?”

“Aizen-sama?” I repeated.

I was stunned when he engulfed me in a rib-cracking hug. I closed my eyes when his fingers gripped me tightly to him.

After a long beat he let go and, to my surprise, he seemed rather embarrassed at his own display of affection. Even his tone was different. “You're back.”

“Have-” My throat was too dry; I could barely speak, “have I been away?”

“Yes.” His hands stroked my hair, my cheeks, my shoulders, my arms – he was reluctant to end any contact with my skin. “You left for a week.”

I blinked and fell back on the pillows. I felt exhausted. Aizen-sama brushed my hair out of my eyes, as tenderly as if I were his lover. He sighed. Then he pressed his lips to my forehead before getting off the bed.

“Don't move,” he ordered, “I'll prepare breakfast. Stay. Don't go anywhere.”

I merely smiled and relaxed into the pillows. He slipped out of the bedroom.

Then I sat up again. Reaching my hands behind me I touched my back.

It was smooth, painless. It felt... It felt whole.

_I remember the whipping, the reiatsu spears, the intense, unbearable, searing cold. That was... when was it? How long has it been?_

Ignoring his command I slid off the bed. My legs were still shaky, but I made myself walk to the bathroom.

I wanted to check.

The mirror over the sink would serve. I leaned against the stone counter. There was no scar on my elbows, my wrists, my chest. Then I swiveled around, almost afraid of what I'd see.

My back was unmarred, smooth, whole. It tingled.

My breath hitched. I knew he had healed me.

_But why?_

My head rolled forward with exhaustion. I couldn't think straight. Then I pulled at the belt and let my clothes fall to the floor, before padding to the bath. I sat on the side of the tub while it filled.

“Gin?” Aizen-sama peeked around the door. He had removed his glasses. I half-smiled at him and he came into the bathroom. “Don't you want to eat first?”

“I want to bathe.” I tugged on his fingers and kissed the tips.

He acceded without a comment. When the tub filled he carried me and placed me inside gently, soaking his sleeves in the process. “I'll wait outside. Take as long as you w-”

“I want you to stay here.”

He was a little taken aback by my tone. I was too – where had the audacity to say that come from? His brows furrowed slightly. “You sure?”

“Stay.” I took a deep breath. “Take off your clothes and join me in the tub now.”

With a small grin Aizen-sama obeyed; I felt exhilaration coursing through my veins. He was listening to my commands. It felt like ... an aphrodisiac.

He slipped into the tub, facing me. I leaned back, and told him to turn around and lean on me.

“You're not well enough-”

“Do it.”

Shaking his head he obeyed again. I cupped water and wet his hair slowly, my fingers lingering along the cords of his neck and shoulders. My legs curled about him, and his head rolled back on my shoulder to kiss the side of my jaw.

My hands rubbed over his broad chest, the muscles as taut as I remembered. I licked his face, exploring with my hands his body, to recall every single feature. My feet moved up and down his calves, creating soft ripples in the tub.

He moaned when my hands ventured all the way down between his legs. “Not now, Gin, you're not-”

“Shut up.” I nipped his ear, hard enough to draw blood. “You hurt me.”

I didn't expect him to face me fully. “I did.”

“You drove me back into the hell I thought I had escaped from.”

“I did.” There was a softer note in his voice, but I was dizzy with heat and fury and lust. I grabbed him by his jaw and kissed him fiercely, teeth and lips and tongue, pressing into him, wanting to claim anything he was willing to give. My fingers dug into his shoulders, wanting to tear into him with my bear hands.

He opened his mouth, letting my tongue slide into his heat. He half turned, and his right arm went up and around me, dragging me closer to him. As my tongue traced circles on the roof of his mouth his hands were moving all over my torso. I pulled away, but bit down as hard as I could on his lower lip, savoring the coppery tang of blood on the tip of my tongue. His stubble had tickled me badly.

“Get out of the tub. And help me out.” The warmth of the water had driven my the worst of my fatigue away, and had awakened many other passions. The bathwater was tinged pink with blood I had drawn from his shoulders; the red welts further inflamed me.

Aizen-sama got out and helped me out, letting the blood-tainted water drain. Before he could reach for towels to dry us, I slammed him as hard as I could into the sink. Since I was essentially an invalid, that wasn't very hard.

I glared at him in the mirror. He had a torn lip, a cut ear, and he was still sexy as hell with his deep brown eyes and chiseled features. My left hand covered his on the counter, and I placed my right hand on his hip.

I stepped close enough for him to feel my hardness against his body. “Bend over,” I said.

I was waiting for a sarcastic comment or an outright blow to the jaw, but he only smiled, cat-like, leaned his hands on the counter, and offered his lean, muscular hips and tight, well-built ass as he bent, legs slightly apart. His gaze caught mine in the mirror, held it captive: _how far are you going with this, Gin_?

“As far as I can,” I whispered as I lined myself up with his entrance. With both hands gripping his hips to steady myself I pushed in, and sighed with pleasure.

“You're so hot, Aizen-sama,” I hissed. “Hot and tight... gods, I can stay like this forever.”

“Do you want me to move or would you prefer to do it yourself?” he inquired politely. Only the dark gaze of his eyes betrayed his desire.

“Both.” I wove my fingers into his hair and yanked his head back to expose his throat. With a hard lick up the side of his neck, I circled my hips deeper into him. The groan that came from deep in his gut excited me further.

I snapped my hips forward, all sensation of tiredness fled. I wanted to fuck him as hard as I could, to ease the growing rage and the coiled heat and the complete, utter confusion that swam through my body, to transfer these feelings to him. These were strong feelings. I would need to find ways to pass such powerful emotions to him. I sheathed myself fully in his body, and noted how he had bowed his head, how he was panting.

“Look up. Look into the mirror. I want to... I want to see you.” I ran my tongue over my chapped lips.

Through half-lidded eyes I saw his grimace and the heavy, slack-jawed breathing in the steamed-up mirror. His pupils were dilated even as I drove wildly into him.

“How does it feel, being... being fucked instead of being top?” I asked, my voice deeper than I recalled.

He almost grinned. “It's good... because it's you... Gin, was this your fantasy?”

“I have ma-many others... fuck, you're so damn... damn fucking tight,” I cursed softly, the Rukongai street rat showing in my language. “So, so fucking good...”

My nails dug into his sides when I climaxed into his body, pounding into him, ignoring the blood that was drawn to his skin by my hands.

In the haze I knew he also came, his seed spattering the stone counter, his body, the sink. Then one of his hands slipped between his legs and it stayed there until his breathing evened out. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on his broad back.

“Take me to the bed now,” I said firmly, even as my softening cock slid out of him. My eyes were closing. Before I could fall, he had caught me in his arms.

He straightened and carried me to bed. On the sideboard there was some bread, but I wasn't hungry. I ran my gaze over him and I noticed he was still hard. “How in the-”

“I have been around for some time, Gin,” he kissed my forehead. “Now how do you want this?”

I considered. “I'm tired,” I said languidly. “So pleasure me. As long as I don't have to make any effort...”

“Yes sir.” He lay me on my back, kissed me gently on my lips.

Before he went any further I cupped his cheek. “Aizen-sama, am I still beneath you? Forever? Who am I to you now?”

He paused.

We looked into each other's eyes for a long, long moment.

Then he smiled before plunging his tongue deep into my mouth.

 


	13. 13.

“You really don't have to stay with me, Ran,” I said as I plowed through the stack.

She propped her chin in her hand. “If you'd just let me help you with-”

“-and once Kai-san sees the handwriting's different, I'll be in deeper crap than I am currently.” I stretched, hearing the tendons pop. “Look, I don't need company. Really.”

“How about I get you some dinner? You haven't eaten.”

I smiled softly at her. “That'd be nice.”

She got up and wandered over to my desk. “Gin-chan, I can't believe you forgot all about decimal points.”

“Told you not to call me that,” I groused. “I wasn't thinking about numbers, I was thinking about you.”

“That's sweet.” Ran beamed at me, before giving me a kiss on my nose.

“I agree. What is also sweet is you staying back, Matsumoto.” Startled, we looked over to the door.

Framed by the sliding door was Aizen-sama, his kindly eyes stern and forbidding. His hands were clasped behind his back as he walked purposefully into the outer office. Ran took a couple of steps back and I stood to attention. “Aizen-taichou.”

“I made very clear that he was to complete this himself. That would normally imply that he had to stay back _by himself_ to correct all his errors. Matsumoto, what are you doing here, hmm?”

“I, I um... thought I'd... keep Gin, I mean Ichimaru company.”

Aizen-sama's eyes remained on Ran. “I see. So my punishment is turning into a date for the two of you. How nice.”

“I didn't mean- I mean I... um...” Ran foundered for words, but she was turning redder by the second.

I spoke up. “I asked her to stay-”

“No I di-”

“-because I thought it'd be nice to have some time alone. We don't get a lot of alone time in the dorms.”

“Gin!” she hissed at me.

Aizen-sama's eyes didn't flicker. He nodded once. “I see. So instead of a punishment you find it a perk.”

Ran and I stood silent. He let it drag on for some minutes before he went on, “I'm disappointed in both of you. I expected more responsible behavior from students who have had the initiative and drive to try some Gotei work experience. Matsumoto, go back to your room at the Academy. Whether I should keep you here as an intern... I'll think about it. Ichimaru, my office, now.”

Ran made to protest but I kicked her on the shin. She glared at me while I was led away by the captain.

xxxxx

The moment the door to his inner sanctum closed I broke into a wide grin. “That was damn cool, taichou.”

He smiled, the humor dancing in his gaze. “How long do you need?”

“Give me an hour or so. I know where they are.” I was stripping off my clothes and changing into a black fitted outfit, the skintight top a little too snug.

He considered. “It's a bit of a stretch to lecture you for an hour.” Aizen-sama closed his eyes. “She's still outside.”

I went to his private bathroom and pulled on the disguise. “Twenty minutes for the deed. The rest of the time is just buffer. Ran'll sneak back in about twenty minutes after she sees you leave.”

“You know her very well,” said my captain. There was an odd catch in his voice.

I dried my hair as best as I could with a towel. “Why, Aizen-sama, are you jealous? Again?”

“Don't speak of that,” he admonished lightly. Taking in my altered appearance, he huffed. “I don't like it.”

“You don't have to,” I said cheerfully as I closed the distance between us. He looked at me with narrowed eyes before I crushed his lips with as strong a kiss I could muster. He fought against my domination but I bit his invading tongue and pulled away. “Come on, be good,” I teased in a whisper.

“Not in a million years,” he replied equally intensely. He then kissed me on my forehead. “Be safe.”

“Always.” And I left.

The night air was bracing. I loved summer nights: the scent of hot, damp earth, the dance of leaves in the deep forests. The mustiness of rooms dispelled by cool breezes...

And after tonight I would love summer nights even more. Grabbing the package from the bushes I had marked that morning, I blew a kiss at my old friend in the trees and slunk off, now adopting his walk and stance. His corpse swung a little, the note on his chest fluttering. I was a little surprised no one had found him yet... but then, his friends were stupid morons. I slouched on, my feet dragging slightly. Just the way he used to do.

 _They really should give out awards for acting_ , I thought. _Maybe a little naked man or a woman..._

xxxxx

Picture the scenario: an empty warehouse, a few crates. A ring of chairs placed just far enough not to see anyone's face.

Eight men gathered together in hooded cloaks. There were three guttering candles located in the precise places where shadows would be cast over every man's features, thus rendering everyone unrecognizable.

“Are we all here?” the leader – a tall, beefy guy – asked. His right hand man nodded. The leader then continued, “All right, guys. You know we're all here to find some way to settle scores with that little prick, Ichimaru Gin. Just to ensure we don't forget our mission, let's review what he's done to us. And since I'm the leader, I'll begin.”

“Uh-”

“Shut up, fuckhead. Now, just before we were supposed to go on attachment, Ichimaru attacked all three of us. Put us all in intensive care for a month. Now we gotta repeat the year”

“One o' him 'gainst three o'ya? Don't reflect too well on you, big guy. What did you do?”

“Shut up, fuckhead. All we wanted was to teach Matsumoto Rangiku a lesson, and he had to step in. Fuckin' prick.”

One of the slighter-built ones raised a hand. “Last year I was shoved down the stairs and then thrown inna pool. For teasing Matsumoto and her huge breasts over the whole semester. Like she wasn't asking for a good grope, the way they hang out of her clothes.”

“Why didn't you report it?” someone asked.

“I didn't see his face. But who else in this academy gives that much of a godfuckin' damn about that bitch?”

Another one spoke up. “Couple years ago, Tak – I mean, him and me, we were just chattin' her up at the pub. She declined so we thought we'd just find her anyway. I mean, girls, they change their minds once they see the package, y'know?”

Chuckles and agreements all round.

The guy went on. “So, outta nowhere, we got blindsided by some heavy lookin' thing. Could've been a staff or a pole or what not. Fractured ribs and broken legs. Now we ache sumpin' painful every time it rains.”

The seventh guy raised his finger. “Man, you guys got off easy. Seriously.”

“Why, what did he do to ya?”

“Let's just say it's fucking humiliating and that I intend to pay him back twenty times over.” He leaned forward conspiratorially. “Didja all hear? Scuttlebutt's that he's found himself the butt monkey of a Gotei officer. But I also heard from his dorm neighbor that he's screwing Matsumoto.”

“That fucker claimed he had no relationship with her.” The leader stood. “Man, he's gonna go down hard. How should we do him?”

The last person spoke up. “I suggest over a slow fire, but I know he likes it hot.”

The rest snickered appreciatively, but quietened when the eighth guy spoke up again. “Few questions.”

The leader gestured. “Shoot.”

“Who the hell thought of wearing hoods and cloaks? How are we supposed to recognize each other to plan?”

“I did,” snarled the leader. “And why are you asking only now?”

“Because I'm the only one who's thinking. How can we guarantee Ichimaru isn't here already, while we're seated in a dark warehouse? You got no one watching the perimeter, no passwords, nada. He could've gotten wind o'this.”

“What, you scared of him? It's eight against one. He just caught us off guard the other time, he can't beat all eight of us.”

“Oh really?”

The leader stood as well, towering over the smaller man. “Yeah. Ichimaru's just an ass-selling pathetic little prick. We'll set him to rights in no time. Eight of us on one of him.”

“I don't know,” I said, tossing the hood back, smiling up at him from the chair. Slowly, infinitesimally, I pushed the chair back as I stood. “You don't learn, do you? Even as I was giving you clues on how to run a secret group to, uh the term was... set me to rights?”

All seven of them jumped to their feet and threw back their hoods. Now they surrounded me. I looked around the group. Fumio stared at my altered appearance. “I don't remember you having black hair...”

“Wow... but _I_ remember each and every one of ya. Gotta say, brings back memories.” I nodded at each of them, until I came to 'humiliation twenty times back' guy. “Mitsui-san! I remember you – and the wine bottle rammed up your arse. Heard you're drinking sake again. Ever thought about selling your ass? You should've gotten used to the feelin' now.”

“You little-” He tried to punch me but I ducked away, neatly avoiding his fist. “Fucker!”

“Occasionally, yeah, I am. I'm also occasionally the fucked.” I chuckled at their stunned faces. Apparently they've never met honesty face to face before. “And the man I chose to sleep with? I picked him for a reason.”

I pulled out two short blades from the pockets and channeled reiatsu over the edges. My smile faded. “Let me illustrate why with a demonstration. Just a warning for the underage viewer: there will be blood.”

xxxxx

_There will be blood._

Kind of an understatement, when I finally stopped and observed the carnage.

Three had been gutted quite slowly; they had remained rather impolite to me after I had taught them their individual lessons. The other three were luckier: they died fast. I had about thirty-six minutes left before I had to get back.

Only Fumio was left – out of the lack of kindness of my heart. I had incapacitated him first, made him watch. “So, Fumio. All that pretense, all that pomp... and here you are. Waiting for my mercy.”

“You... you're sick.” The ligaments in his arms and legs had been severed and he was now propped in a chair, the shallow cuts on his face bleeding freely. “You're a fucking sick psycho!”

“Not really a psycho, no. But I _was_ sick, quite recently. My lover-” how I adored that word, the way it rolled over my tongue and through my lips “-brought me back. And I had an epiphany.”

I ran a blade over his chest, drawing blood again. His gut was heaving, the rolls of fat and muscle shining with sweat and blood spatter. “By letting those who insult me and Ran roam free, they get to hurt us and other people further. Thus, to eliminate future hurt, I should remove every. Single. One. Of. You.” I punctuated each word with a stab. He screamed like a girl when the final one landed just above his groin.

Then I yanked the blade out. “No fun,” I complained. “I can't even get turned on... guess I'll have to wait until Aizen-sama lets me play dom again.”

“Ai-aizen? You're sleeping wi-with Aizen?”

I punched him in the nose. “You don't get to voice his name. You don't even get to think it. And yes, he's my lover.”

Fumio was choking. I left him in the center of the room, as I began removing the gloves and tossing them in the heap of bodies.

Give the guy props; he was still able to speak. “They'll find... they'll find you. They'll know. I'll tell them. They'll find-they'll find you.”

“They will find... nothing.” I smiled politely as I began to leave the room. “Good night, Fumio. Won't be seein' ya. Ever again.”

I locked the door. Then I punched a burst of reiatsu into it and the factory was enveloped in black fire. I watched it burn, knowing that Fumio had been placed in the the direct center of Aizen-sama's spell.

Everything collapsed inwards into a charred mess within three minutes. I surveyed the scene, committing every last inch to memory.

I knew Aizen-sama would want to hear everything in detail.

 _Damn. That is one effective destruction spell._ I nudged what was once Fumio with my foot. Already the remains of the warehouse and the people were dissipating into reishi bits. _Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. How can anyone not love a man who can craft such perfect destruction?_

A slow grin spread over my face. I left the scene using shunpo. Perhaps I could sneak to his place later, if he were alone tonight. _I'll check with him._

_How I love summer nights._

 


	14. 14.

I knew I had blood on me.

I knew it from the way he almost turned the moment I stepped into the division compound. He sniffed reflectively; I grinned.

_Bloodhound._

I slipped into the bathroom before I spoke to him, to wash off as much of the blood and gore as I could and to change out of my disguise. I could feel the soreness in my shoulders and arms, and I tried to rotate the fatigue from them.

I left the bathroom, drying my hands. He frowned. “I thought you wore gloves.”

“What did she manage to see?” I whispered, diverting him from his fastidiousness.

He said Ran saw me working on the documents and him overseeing my progress. I pouted. It was boring.

“It's not meant to be entertainment,” he rebuked softly, tugging my hand close to his nose, trying to detect the faintest hint of blood left on my fingers. Satisfied that it was all washed out, he let go and sheathed his sword. The illusions faded. I blinked. He added, “How did the spell work out?”

“Excellently. Charred and dusted. A bit of a strain on my reiatsu store though.” I stretched, still trying to work the kink out of my shoulders. He placed his hand on them, rolled his thumb into the knots, then slid his hand along my spine. I could feel the tension dissolving.

He kept his hand on my lower back. I was about to stroll down the corridor to the outer office when he said, “That was why you chose me, wasn't it? To forcibly raise your own reiatsu levels? To become powerful enough to deal with all those pathetic schmucks?”

I stopped. It was my deeply buried secret, something I hadn't voiced to myself even in absolute privacy.

“You knew?” I stilled my breath. This was it. His sword would stab me into the wall, and then I would die, if I was lucky. And Ran would die, if she was lucky.

And no one would care, because we were street rats. We deserved to die and fade away, like Fumio and his goons earlier that evening, died and faded by my hands.

That was if we were lucky.

Aizen-sama only kissed me on the forehead. The kiss was as tender as a snowflake, as lasting as a tattoo, as warm as candlelight.

A signal of forgiveness. A benediction.

I exhaled and stepped into the outer office, looking suitably contrite.

I wished I could make it up to him, but he was busy tonight. He was aware that my reiatsu twined about him, unwilling to leave, but the small gleam in his kind eyes as I exited the building was all the reassurance I needed.

Ran peeked out from the corner, and my smile resurfaced. I had other matters to take care of tonight too.

xxxxx

The net day I propped my chin on my hand, listening to the idle chatter among my classmates. Everyone was discussing Shihouin Yoruichi's betrayal. I felt bored.

It wasn't something unexpected, for anyone with half a brain and an eye for observation. But the only two that did not seem surprised were myself and the Kuchiki princeling.

Byakuya had his hands folded on the table, his eyes fixed on a location outside the window. Our lecturer was late.

The hand propping my chin slipped and I jerked upright. Ran turned back to me. “What do you think, Gin-chan?”

“About what?”

“The defection! The Goddess of Flash?”

“I don't think much of it,” I answered honestly. “It's her decision, and it doesn't affect us much.”

Another girl – I couldn't recall her name – leaned over. “I also noticed something else.”

I tensed inwardly.

She went on, “The other captains don't seem bothered much about the loss of two captains at one shot.”

I relaxed.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the fourth division captain entering the auditorium. It wasn't her lecture session though. But she didn't go all the way to the podium, merely stopped beside Byakuya and spoke quietly and respectfully with him.

_Beware of Unohana Retsu, Gin._

_Why? She's the captain of the Fourth Division, that's all._

_Has been for centuries, and she has never been defeated in battle. Not even I can make that claim. Remember that._

I paused in my recollection, making sure I showed great interest in the drivel Ran and her friend were sharing. Oh yes, her name was Ise Nanao. Apparently she had caught the eye of Kyoraku-taichou. This was not a fact I had shared with Aizen-sama yet. It should interest him.

Unohana-taichou left, Kuchiki Byakuya trailing regally behind her. I wondered if I should follow, but decided against it.

 

xxxxx

Later that afternoon, the topic of discussion switched to the suicide of Kazuyoshi Kawasaki in the forest.

“I heard that their gang was trying to raise a demon,” said a lanky kid one year my junior to his classmate as they passed me in the corridor. “Ate them all up, left nothing, not even bones.”

Another gaggle of girls trotted past me, still dressed in their archery outfits. “Didja hear? Kazuyoshi drugged them all and murdered them, then, like, felt so guilty he killed himself!”

“I heard it was... I heard it was revenge for gang rape,” one of the girls contributed in a hushed whisper. I wished I could hear more, but they were out of earshot.

Ran exited the bathroom. “I just heard the oddest rumors about Kawasaki's death,” she announced to me. “It's just so... weird. I mean, one day he's staring at my breasts, the next day he's dead.”

“You might not want to say that aloud, Ran,” I warned. “You're one person with a motive.”

“Oh please. He wasn't exactly Mr Popularity. Everyone wanted him dead and gone. Little weasel.” She dabbed some droplets from her bosom. “And Kai-san said we should get back after this morning's lecture. Should we?”

I mulled over the choices. Then I shook my head. “Let's go to the office. We are being paid on our summer vacation to work.”

She pouted crookedly. “You're no fun nowadays.”

“We are fifth years, we'll be sixth years two weeks from now, and we'll be graduating this time next year,” I commented. _No fun nowadays? I know someone who would disagree. Vehemently._

 


	15. 15.

He had the most regular morning routine of anyone I knew. This morning he went through it again, and I watched the clock.

Four minutes of brushing his teeth, followed with ten minutes' careful shaving and washing. He would then polish his glasses for half a minute before putting them on, just to see if they looked right.

Then he'd take them off again, place them by the door, and he'd put them on when he left his quarters.

At breakfast he drank black tea. And ate an apple. His breakfast was rather eclectic in range though. There would be two slices of buttered toast if he felt like a Western breakfast, or steamed rice and miso if he wanted Japanese, and occasionally some odd concoction I wouldn't touch with a zanpakuto, a knife at Ran's throat and a command from Aizen Sousuke.

This morning it was buttered toast. He ate neatly, no crumbs falling at all. He also ate naked, a towel wrapped about his hips. I learned to do the same.

He always finished his meal in one hour and thirteen minutes. I tried distracting him with footsie once, but he had glanced at my foot moving up and down his shin, and I had shrunk back in my chair. Nothing like the morning evil eye to eliminate romantic notions.

He sat on the side near the window, where the sunlight would fall on the morning reports and he could read while breaking fast.

His lashes were thick and dark, each detailed clearly as his eyes scanned the reports. Light would fall on the left side of his face, bringing out the bronze tint of his skin. After my little ordeal, there were a few fine lines around his eyes, and a few white hairs blended into his dark hair that became more apparent in sunlight. We had decided against tweezing them out, but they bothered me.

When Aizen-sama was focused, his full lips would press firmly together. His brows would twitch or furrow, depending on whether he liked the progress of events recounted. It was fascinating to watch his eyes narrow as he formulated the pros and cons within his mind in minutes.

Then he'd do the dishes while I made the bed.

After he washed the dishes he dried them, the dishcloth moving clockwise, and he placed them from left to right. After washing the plates his hands would smell of lemon soap. I replaced the soap the day before. He didn't like it much, but tried it out anyway. Now his hands smelled of cypress.

He had the most amazing hands when it came to kneading out strain and fatigue. I copied his movements as much as I could, but his fingers had a magic all of their own. His palm was a little calloused, from the frequent training and sparring sessions he engaged in. Just because he was a captain did not mean he slacked off keeping himself in top physical form.

I encouraged him. After all, I benefited.

Then he would take a shower. If Aizen-sama were alone then he'd be out in fifteen minutes.

If I joined him we usually took the better part of an hour, lingering in the steamy warmth, relishing each other's proximity. We understood implicitly that soon the closeness would tire us, that contact would no longer be electrifying, that we'd be sick and tired of each other, and perhaps would co-exist only as allies and not as lovers. We needed to embrace every minute of intimacy now.

After all, eternity was forever.

It wasn't about sex only. I loved just running my soapy hands over his wet skin, just washing his hair, just running my fingers over his features, massaging his limbs carefully to relax him for the week ahead. His muscles were very supple, but there was always a tightness along his biceps and shoulders.

He would do the same, prolonging every caress. He adored running his palms over my neck and shoulders, taking his time to explore the curves and angles. I never could figure out what the attraction my thin neck and bony shoulders had for Aizen-sama.

I didn't care. As long as we could enjoy our quiet time together, he could do anything.

He dressed slowly. Every crease had to be in the right place, every fold exact. His attire looked casual to the casual observer, but he used only the best material for his under-robe and he spent a lot on his socks and shoes.

I checked his black hakama and kimono in case of lint before he threw on his haori.

Broad shoulders, strong frame; he looked every inch the reliable, righteous captain. I pulled his haori straighter. “Meeting today?”

“Mmm. Captaincy in contest. And I'll be with Mizuki tonight, so make your own entertainment.” He put on the glasses. “By the way, do you know Kuchiki Byakuya well?”

“Enough to know he needs a good lay.” I flicked my fringe forward.

“Watch him closely.”

“Done.”

He grabbed me by the back of my head and pressed a deep kiss into me. I reciprocated and nicked his lower lip with a canine.

“Ow?” he scolded and healed the small hickey. “See you.”

“Be good.” I grinned and tweaked his jaw before flash-stepping back to my own dorm room. Ran was coming over anytime soon.

 


	16. 16.

“Good evening, Ichimaru-sama, Aizen-taichou.”

I was enchanted. The slim girl had dark, curly hair, a lean figure, and brown eyes – deep brown eyes, exactly like Aizen-sama's. _The man did have great taste._

He nodded at her and told her to draw a bath and prepare dinner.

I waited until she was too far to hear our conversation. “Who is she?”

“Housekeeper. Name of Kei. We need someone to watch your place, keep it ticking over.” He seemed pleased with himself.

I smiled widely. “What's she like?”

He shrugged and moved closer. “Quiet, capable, not that bright. And most importantly, a very biddable girl.” He placed his left hand on on the curve of my back, and I leaned into his touch.

 _Biddable girl, huh?_ “How do you know that?” I asked in a whisper.

He pressed his lips into my hair. “All the rebellion's been beaten out of her a long time ago.”

I turned my head, surprised. “You bought damaged goods?”

His answer was very satisfactory. “Not really damaged... yet.”

“You have great taste.” I brushed my digits over my mouth, trying to imagine her reactions and responses. _Biddable..._ biddable sounds potentially boring, but I could always improvise. But I knew Aizen-sama, and I knew he wouldn't bring someone into our quiet hideaway for no reason. “What's she here for, really?”

“She will also be our classroom.”

“Hmm.” I was perplexed, but more interested than ever. On the other hand, a minute with Aizen-sama clothed was a minute wasted. There was something I wanted to know before we headed to our bedroom though.

Drawing my index finger into my mouth, I bit the fleshy pad until I could taste blood. Gingerly I pressed on the joint below until a crimson bead formed. Then I held my finger before his mouth.

It was our code: if he accepted my finger, then he would also accept me tonight. All of me.

To my exhilaration, he licked my blood off and ran his tongue around the first joint twice.

 _Two times?_ I exhaled in anticipation and pivoted about, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

He grabbed me about the waist roughly. I wanted him, _now;_ I wanted his legs over my shoulders; I wanted him against the wall, I wanted him on his knees... I wanted him panting, groaning, trembling, moaning, I wanted to try to make him yell, make him writhe, make him struggle. My hips moved of their own accord, trying to convey my lust, and the groan that I felt him stifle accelerated my pulse.

_Now, Aizen-sama. Please._

His fingers gripped harder but he whispered fiercely, “Not tonight.”

 _Not tonight?_ I was almost ready to scream, but restrained myself. Instead I asked, “Why not?”

“You don't feel it?” He wrapped his right arm about me as well, his hands exploring my back. I tingled, sharp needles of pleasure shooting through my veins. He murmured, “Your reiatsu has been screaming at me the entire day. I couldn't sit still at all.”

it has? Was that why I felt so... I hadn't been paying attention to me, save that there was a pulsing presence about today, reining my in, keeping me focused and balanced. That had been his reiatsu. So he had been leveling out my output today. “Was that why you kept pacing your office while instructing the new officers? What's that about my reiatsu?”

He released me, rather unwillingly, and indicated the left corridor. “Let's go to the sword room.”

xxxxx

I trailed behind him, trying to contain my curiosity.

When he slid the door to the room open I asked again. “Care to share information about my reiatsu?”

His answer was enigmatic, like he was. “You should know better than I do. Now remove your sword from your belt.”

“Not my clothes?” I hoked as I removed the sword and placed it on the floor. “You have a sword and I don't... What are we doing?”

“I am going to attack you. I will hold back until I am sure you can handle it, and then...” he retreated one step, allowing some eight paces between us. I could feel his spiritual pressure rise. “Let us begin. For now, I will not draw my sword.”

He moved to the right. I moved to my right. I followed his ever move, suddenly aware of every motion, every glance, every slight movement of his hands and his feet. I remained smiling – although the reiatsu that surged against me was impressive, I could handle it.

He wore a smile too. Then, in a blink, he was behind me. I dodged the strike, then stepped away from him. He appeared beside me again, and I blocked his punch, returned a roundhouse kick, flash-stepped to the center of the room.

Aizen-sama was relentless, and I had no time to think – weaving, dodging, ducking, retaliating. A palm edge caught him on his forearm, then a fist against his chest which he caught in one hand.

“Good,” he praised and let go. “Get your sword. Draw your sword. Defend yourself.”

I frowned slightly but followed his instructions. He held a wooden sword from the sword stand, the ones we practiced with. I saw that he held it loosely, but I gripped mine in both hands, kendo-style.

He nodded at my caution. “Ready.”

“Ready,” I answered. Detachedly I noted that my voice did not waver.

He approached slowly, reiatsu and killing intent pouring off him in waves. A tiger in tall grass, an eagle in the sky, a dragon in the clouds... Inane metaphors flickered through my brain until I was sure...

He was intending to kill me.

He would kill me. Not even with Kyoka Suigetsu, his beloved zanpakuto.

As he approached the world was shut out, there was only him, there was only death, there was only him, there was only death...

Aizen Sousuke was Death.

Panicked, I yelled, “IKOROSE, SHINSO!” I thrust the blade forward blindly, to push him off even for a split second, to delay death and rebirth.

I heard a thunk, a crash, and then I felt the lessening of his reiatsu pressure. Then, slowly, I looked at my sword arm, then at Aizen-sama.

He was standing just beside the extended blade, a single line of crimson along his cheek. He was also wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen. “How do you feel?”

I let go. For weeks I had been dreaming – vaguely unsettling dreams – and now it was here.

_Shinso. My very own zanpakuto._

Suddenly I felt incredibly vulnerable and exposed. I began to cry, just tears running out of my eyes, and he was holding me in his arms, soothing me with sweet words, trying to calm me down. “What's wrong?”

“I never... never thought it would be like this, not like...” I struggled to find ways to express the turbulence in my heart. Silver-tongued Gin, lost for words. “Everything... This zanpakuto is... it's me. It is me. All of me.”

“Part of you,” he corrected me quickly, his hands stroking my tears from my cheeks.

“No, all of me. _All._ It feels like... like the first time you took me, filled me to the hilt, or whenever I am buried in you, or whenever you claim me... whenever I am fully, totally yours...” I was babbling, I knew, but I hadn't expected to call out my sword for a decade more. Aizen-sama had drawn it out of me.

He _knew,_ before I even suspected a thing.

As I regained my poise I realized this was the second time I was crying in front of him. He was caressing my back, murmuring soft words of reaffirmation, of confidence. I swallowed the last gulp and straightened, looked him in the eye.

With a bright smile I beamed. “Let's have a bath. I'm filthy.”

 


	17. 17.

She was subservient, especially to Aizen-sama, a fact that didn't escape my notice.

He, on the other hand, was unusually deferential. I got a taste of everything first. He didn't make a big deal of it, but whenever she tried to serve him tea he'd direct her to fill my cup before his.

I relaxed as I finished my meal. The hot bath – taken alone, alas – had soothed my nerves and loosened my muscles, and I was ready to learn. I didn't know if he was ready to teach.

“That's enough, Kei. Clear the table.” Aizen put down his chopsticks.

Kei bowed and made to remove the leftovers, but suddenly my hand snapped out and gripped her wrist. “I haven't said you can clear mine.”

“B-but Aizen-taichou said-”

“This is _my_ house, Kei. You obey me.”

Aizen-sama sat straighter and said, “Gin, let go of Kei. She just didn't know.” My grip tightened instead, my knuckles showing white. “Gin. Let go.”

“Say please,” I demanded of Kei, not releasing my hand nor my eye contact.

Kei's lovely gaze flickered to Aizen-sama beside her and back to me before she squeaked, “Please, Ichimaru-sama, will you please release my hand?”

“Ichimaru-sama is quite a mouthful.” I let go and she sat back on her heels. “Tell you what. You'll address me as Gin-sama.”

“Yes, Ichim... I mean, Gin-sama.” She bowed again.

This time I nodded for her to clean up. Then I looked at Aizen-sama while she carried the tray of dirty dishes out the door. “How did I do?”

“You struck the right note.” He inclined his head. “Well done.”

“How does she see you anyway?” I placed both hands behind me, braced on the mat.

“I rescued her from her abusive aunt, and placed her with a lovely old lady. Then I asked for some help with this place and she volunteered.”

“Hero worship, in other words.”

He grinned and got to his feet. “I love it when they are bathed in admiration. Blind with devotion, blind to everything.”

I pouted. “I'm devoted.”

“You saw through me before you became devoted. It's different.” He reached a hand to me. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

xxxxx

As I kissed up his muscular thigh to his heat I asked, “Did you ever sleep with her?”

“No.” He exhaled heavily. “I don't like keeping – oh yes, right there, gods – keeping more than one lover at a – whoa, easy – at a time.”

I looked at him through my lashes, my mouth moving away from his sac. “But right now you have me and Mizuki.”

“Mm-hmm.” He threw his head back. I traced my tongue over his other head, both my hands still on his knees, kneading into the bone. He was seated in my reading chair, his robes only partly opened. But then again I was fully clothed, so I was currently winning. I breathed over the tip of his cock as I pulled away again, to run my flat palms over his inner thighs and force them to open further. “But you know my decision on that score – ah hells, stop – no, don't stop... yes, right there.”

“I do.” My tongue flicked on the thin flap of skin where thigh met sac. Now one hand played with his shaft, and my fingernails were raking the underside of it as I kissed and nipped his hot skin, then down his other thigh.

His hands tried to leave the arms of the chair to redirect me upwards, but his fingers merely scrabbled uselessly on the wooden arms. Nonetheless I ceded to his demand, engulfing his throbbing length, sliding it into and out of my mouth as best as I could. He grunted thickly; I recognized the sound of his restraining himself from thrusting into my mouth. I took my time, kissing his shaft at the base, blowing slowly up the length to the engorged head, dipping my tongue in the slit to sample the precum, my fingertips kneading into his hips all the while to my own rhythm. He groaned again and I took him down my throat and rolled my tongue around him.

“Gin, stop – stop fooling around and g-get to it,” he snarled as he hunched over the second I deep throated him. He tended to become grouchy if I was too playful, but I wasn't in the mood to accommodate.

My response was to scrape my teeth very, very lightly along his cock, up and down, up and down, my hands now pushing up his torso to roll his nipples beneath my hands. Then I tugged at them until I heard what sounded suspiciously like a muted whimper.

“Gin!”

“Hush,” I hissed up at him. “Not yet.” I reached for a brush nearby and dipped it in ink.

He tried to shift his position, but my left hand grabbed hold of his length and my thumb rubbed over the slit. Aizen-sama moved, very slightly.

I bit the shaft of the brush and used both hands to rip the robe open. From my kneeling position I licked up, from the fine hairs curled below his belly button to his collarbone, one good long lick. He tasted of salt and something bitter. Before I lowered the inked brush I lovingly kissed both nipples and sucked tenderly. He grunted again; I could feel his hardened length pressing into me.

Languidly I moved the brush over him. It was a fine brush, very thin; I began writing down word for word the chants for the kido spells I had to memorize by the end of the week.

His breathing deepened and quickened. “Stop t-teasing, Gin, and fuck me already.”

“Hush. I'm trying to study.” I wrote from his left shoulder down, and I nibbled on his right nipple while I worked. My left hand had slipped below his buttocks, and was now rubbing along the line where his tight ass met his toned leg. I could feel his muscles straining.

The brush moved lower, then scribed around his nipple, down his abdominals. I licked his shaft again while preparing my brush, and when he began issuing dire warnings about too much teasing I got to my feet and gave him a thorough kiss that left him breathless. “Now stop interrupting me while I study,” I scolded and reached between his legs. “Unless you want me to ignore _this_.”

“You already are ignoring it,” he whispered fiercely and tried to bite me, but I ducked backwards with a short laugh and avoided him. “Stop. Teasing. Now.”

“No.” I squeezed very lightly and I was pleased to hear the gasp issuing from him. “My fun.”

“We don't have... fuck... a lot of time, Gin,” he managed to utter as my left hand began tracing intricate patterns along his cock. I could feel his pulse.

_He's right._

I tossed the brush away and straddled him. I grabbed the back of his head with my left hand and yanked him in for a deep kiss. With my right hand I rubbed our manhoods together, his heated shaft igniting flames along my already-attentive and straining one. He shifted, moving against my hold. His was darker in color, ready to pop. Unable to resist, I fondled his cock roughly, and then pressed the heads of our erections together. I inhaled sharply; the sensation etched itself straight into the control centers of our libidos. He cried aloud, a stifled yell, and his come covered my right wrist.

I was pleased. He must be really on edge today – he never lost control that fast.

“Dammit, Gin-” he panted. “All I wanted... wanted was for you to... hells...”

“Don't you worry, I still have lots prepared.” With relish I ripped his blindfold away with my teeth and tore the binding straps away before pulling him to his feet. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

He gripped me about my waist and dove into my mouth, pressing his teeth and tongue and lips against mine. We overbalanced and tottered to the bed. I congratulated myself on my presence of mind to turn over on top of Aizen-sama, when a soft, hurried intake of breath diverted his attention.

“She saw,” he muttered while divesting me of my robes.

“Who cares?” I replied, spreading his legs, aligning myself. “The oil is by the pillow.”

He passed it to me and groaned as I anointed myself and ran my fingers around the rim of his entrance. He growled that he needed no further preparation and _would I get on with it?_

“You're impatient today, Aizen-sama.”

“Tell me that again after you try keeping an overexcited reiatsu pressure level for an entire day.”

“You're gonna need your breath.”

“Save yours.” He snarled into my face. “Fuck me.”

Carefully, slowly, I pushed into him, my arms relying on his lean hips even as his strong fingers dug into my shoulders. We remained locked together, neither moving, for a long beat.

“Can I come inside you?” I whispered as I bent forward.

He turned half-lidded, heavy eyes on me. “Yes. Come inside me. But just... make me come. Now.”

I obliged willingly and drove my hips forward. He hissed. I ground my hips into his. He pushed down and I snapped forward again, a second time, a third time, then everything blurred into heat and heartbeats and pulsing and pain and rhythm and fire and heat, incredible heat -

“Ahh-ah-hhhhhhhagh. G-gods, fuck. Fuck it. Hell...fuck. Hell- bloody.. mother-f...fucking... gods. He-hells.”

“Nnngh... ngahh...ah. Ur....ahh-ehh. Gah- Gin. Gin...” His voice was pitched oddly low and hoarse. Somehow he managed to take in what I was saying and chuckled thickly. “Make up... make up your mind, Gin.”

“Sh-shut up and kiss me.” I grabbed him by the jaw and forced my tongue into his mouth, plundering the rich bittersweet taste deep within the warm wetness.

xxxxx

When I disentangled myself from his limbs I was very satisfied.

Not just with the sex, but also at our performance.

I couldn't sense her. Not surprising: Aizen-sama had placed a number of sekiseki about the mansion to minimize our output. Only his barrier spells and warning spells would help us detect intruders – our reiatsu-sensing ability was very much dampened.

As it turned out she was still shell-shocked. I found Kei standing in the corridor, eyes wide but unseeing.

 _Hero worship_.

I wondered what it would be like to see your hero being screwed by another man. Particularly a man who frightened you.

_Let's find out._

“You saw us.” A statement; I had a large smile lighting up my face. Kei jerked her head up, her eyes – so similar to Aizen-sama's – focusing on my smile. She drew back and tried to shake her head, but I slammed a hand into the wall just beside her ear. I leaned forward, knowing that the robe hung partially open, that my face was cast in shadow. I said, very quietly. “Kei. I don't like liars.”

“I-I... I didn't... Gi-gin-sama, I didn't see. I swear, I didn't-didn't see...”

“Shh... shh. It's okay.” I placed my other hand on the other side of her head. “I know what you saw. I know you didn't mean it.”

“I'm sorry, I-I'm s- I didn't know-”

“It's okay, shh... hush. Shh.” I soothed her, leaning in closer, but not yet touching her. “But you know you can't speak of this, right?”

She nodded quickly and frantically.

“Good.” Placing a finger under her chin, I tipped her head back and looked into her large brown eyes. “Because if you even dare to breathe a word of what you 'didn't' see, trust me, I will personally-”

“What's going on?” Aizen-sama asked as he lounged at the door.

I glanced askance at him. “Go back to bed.”

“Are you hurting her?”

“Go back to bed, Sousuke.” I knew my smile was wider than before, and I also knew she was shaking.

_Good. Lost little lamb._

Aizen-sama narrowed his eyes. “Kei came here because she trusts me. Don't hurt her, Gin.”

“Whatever gave you the idea?” I beamed at him and then returned my attention to Kei. “We trust each other, don't we, Kei-chan? Hmm?”

She nodded, less manic than before. I released her chin and then straightened slowly, returning her personal space to her. Then I swiveled on my heel and pulled Aizen-sama back into the bedroom. Before I shut the door, I gave Kei – still in the corridor – a large, conspiratorial wink.

Aizen-sama enveloped my waist and kissed the back of my neck. “That was great.”

“The sex or the show, Aizen-sama?”

He laughed softly. “Everything was great. Now...shall we head on to round three?”

 


	18. 18.

Winter had arrived, but you wouldn't know it. Although the branches were bare and the wind bitterly cold, there was no snow. I strolled leisurely down the street, secure in the knowledge that he would be there on time.

Being in his division away from the pressure of the academy was wonderful. The old principal hadn't want to let me graduate early, but the moment I unleashed Shinso he had given me his blessings. Ran had been rather annoyed at the move, but she wished me all the best as well.

Since Aizen-sama was in charge of assigning new shinigami their posts, I was naturally drafted into his division. We had more time together, but we agreed to meet only after four to five separate nights, lest we grew tired of each other. Thus far, absence was making the heart grow fonder.

Life was good.

Brushing some errant dust from my new silver-blue cloak, I caught sight of a thin figure with silver hair, slipping into the deep shadows.

_That's odd. Someone with the same hair color as me in Soul Society?_

I tucked the fountain pen I had purchased with my bonus into the pocket in my sleeve. Then I hurried after the intriguing figure. As I rounded the corner I stopped in my tracks. I couldn't believe who it was I was seeing.

“It's you.”

She jolted up, her face grimy and gaunt. Her cheekbones were sharp and her cheeks hollowed, like she hadn't eaten for weeks. Close to, her silver hair was greasy and lank, curtaining about her face like tangled cotton thread. “Wh-who are you?” she asked, then, taking in my clothes, added, “Sir?”

Quietly stunned, I backed away. Her eyes were still dark-ringed, and there were bruises along the inside of her arm. “You don't recognize me?” I said, hoping against hope.

“I-I-I don't know, don't know anybody. I'm no one, no one, no one...” she began muttering to herself and squeezed into the corner of the wall, where there was a threadbare blanket covering her. To my disgust she began chewing on her knuckles. “No one... I-I'm no one... no one.”

“Get up,” I commanded abruptly. Seeing her this way made me sick. “Get up, get a job. This isn't outer Rukongai, you can still-”

“I need money.” She suddenly ran up to me. Her fingers, bloody and torn, clawed at my cloak. I shook her off, horrified. “I need money! He won't- he won't give it to me unless I have money.”

“What is it that he's giving you?”

“Something... thing that makes all these-all these go away, makes everything happy.” She kept clawing at my cloak, leaving little specks of dried blood. “Please, even- even a bit. Please.”

My breath stopped. My heart stilled. The world swam and then came to a sharp focus, and I saw her for what she was.

“Let go of me, you filthy piece of baggage.” I shook her off forcefully. She hit the wall and slid down. “You're disgusting. You've always been disgusting when you were alive – how could you survive these long years? How is this _fair_?”

She cowered at my sudden ferocity. Scrambling to her knees she rushed back to her flea-bitten blanket. I saw the lines around her eyes and her mouth, the tight, drawn skin, the wild, watery, rheumy eyes. Shaking my head I brushed off the dirt she left on my cloak. “When I last saw you, you were a druggie. And now, even here... I can't believe I ever loved you more than life itself.”

“Wh-who are you?”

I didn't bother to acknowledge her question. I was running late – for something as worthless as this.

Suddenly she shrieked, “I know you! I know you – you're my son! My son, my son Gin!”

I swiveled about on my heel. “Woman, you have no son.”

“I do, he's here, you're here. Gin, Gin-chan!”

“Shut up,” I said evenly, my voice as effective as a slap. “You have no son. You're a waste of space, a nothing.”

“Gin-chan!”

This time I did strike her across the mouth. She fell back, mouth open, a dribble of blood and saliva falling from her chin. I was deathly calm – to my amazement. I should be yelling or something. But instead I said, “You have no son. You exchanged your son for two weeks' worth of drugs. Your son died in a drug-lord's den. He was raped, and beaten, and tortured to death. And after he died, he landed in a hellish place, but he managed to scrounge a survival on the streets. He's managed to eke out a living. You have no son, woman. Your son has no mother.”

“Gin-ch-”

“Shut up.” I stepped closer to her, but now she shrank away. I placed my hand over my heart and smiled tightly. “Gin-chan doesn't live here anymore.”

“Gin-chan, please...”

“If you beg for forgiveness I will tear out your tongue,” I said as I drew my sword. Briefly I had considered just using kido or hakudo to end her existence, but this woman deserved a semblance of respect, so I would use Shinso. “Goodbye, mother.”

xxxxx

As I ascended the steps I saw Kei waiting just inside the door. I was curious. “Good evening Kei-chan. What is it?”

“Good evening Gin-sama. Aizen-taichou desires for me to inform you that he is in the sword room.” She bowed formally.

I brushed a curl from her cheek, and she stifled the reaction to jerk away. She knew now it was better to endure my touch than to flinch – if she tried to dodge she usually earned a whipping. “Did he say anything else?”

“No, Gin-sama,” she replied. Then she spoke hesitantly, “May I leave now?”

“Leave? Oh, your monthly vacation. Sure.” I patted her on the head. “Be sure to return on time, Kei-chan. Give your grandmother my best wishes.”

“Yes, Gin-sama.”

As I sauntered to the sword room I wondered if Shinso would tell Aizen-sama's sword about the killing. As far as I understood it, the spirits of the zanpakuto of two closely linked shinigami tend to converse and further strengthen the bond between the shinigami.

Out of the blue I felt a bolt of reiatsu shoot past me. I furrowed my brow. It was a wayward shot, very unlike my controlled and conscientious lover's style. I took another step and moved into a thick cloud of roiling spirit pressure.

Something was wrong.

I forced myself to move forward, sweat pouring off me despite the chill of the winter winds. Finally reaching the sword room, I tore the door open.

He was sitting in the center of an angry cloud of reiatsu, his teeth gnashing and perspiration dripping off him. I saw eldritch marks along his limbs and on his face, and these marks were glowing. Then, to my growing terror, I saw his skin ripping apart, as if some monster was growing out of him.

Aizen-sama was trying to draw the reiatsu into himself – the cloud wobbled, expanded, constricted, and suddenly exploded. I was knocked off my feet and sent crashing into the balustrade.

“AIZEN-SAMA!” I cried out and scrambled inside.

His skin was ripped in many parts, as if he had been sliced by multiple blades. Blood spattered over the tatami of the room, and I also saw crimson stains under his clothes. The physical wounds didn't bother me as much as his shallow, feather-light breathing. His eyes had rolled back to show mostly whites, but as I cradled his head he made a valiant attempt to focus on me.

“Gin...” he breathed, and my heart tightened to see the effort it took him for that one syllable.

“Shh, shh, it's fine, I'll get the Fourth-”

“No, forbidden kido...no.” He wheezed. I hefted him into my arms and carried him to the bedroom. “My... my notes. My notes.”

“Who?” I wasn't sure I had the presence of mind to go through his notes to locate the person responsible. My hands were shaking as I began healing the torn skin, but the wounds refused to close. At least the blood had stopped flowing.

Suddenly his breath hitched. My heart stopped. He inhaled again, shakily. My heart returned to its job.

Finally he managed to force out the words. “Ura... Urahara Kisuke. Ka...karakura town.”

Then he rolled to the side, coughed and threw up a mouthful of blood, where it lay steaming and dark on the floor.

I lay him on the pillows. “I'll take of everything.”

“I know... I know you will.” He closed his eyes. I got to my feet.

Time was running out.

 


	19. 19.

I grabbed his token of authority and raced to Seireitei. I needed the exact address, and only one person who was connected to Aizen-sama knew where.

I pounded frantically on the door, and a sleepy Kurosawa-taichou opened it. He was very annoyed. “What the fuck d'ya want, kid?”

“The address of the exile, Urahara Kisuke.” I said, panting heavily. I had never used shunpo to this extent before.

“Who the fuck are ya, kid? I can't give the address to anyone without proper authorization, you know.” He yawned hugely.

I grabbed his collar. He brushed it off irritably. “Aizen-taichou needs that address now, please.”

“No can do until you get a letter from the soutaichou, kid. And tell Aizen not to send his lackeys knocking in the middle of the night.” He turned and slammed the door in my face.

 _I will remember this_. _One day, Kurosawa Shino, you will regret this._

xxxxx

I sprinted to the gate. _Damn. Why is Kurotsuchi-taichou on duty today? He's a captain, he should be in his quarters!_

“Hey you,” he demanded as I walked up to the gate. “Where are you going? The gate is under testing”

“Karakura Town, on orders of Aizen-taichou.” I showed the token of authority. The captain inspected it suspiciously. I felt like throttling him – a life was at stake, and he was afraid I had forged a token?

He handed it back to me. “Why are you going?”

“He said he had left something rather important. Since he is unable to make the trip himself he tasked me to look for it.”

“Hmm.” Kurotsuchi scratched his chin. “The gate is not yet stable...”

“... is there anything I can do for you?” I asked. I had to leave now before Aizen-sama worsened.

He glanced at me. “I have no need of shinigami subjects.”

“Humans?”

“Hmmm.” He narrowed his lidless eyes. I restrained my mounting fury. _He's a captain, a captain, and you can't fight him._ He scratched his chin again. “I guess I do need an albino...”

“Boy or girl?”

“Bring a boy,” he said, suddenly efficient. “They don't scream as much. Gets on my nerves.”

“Definitely. May I go now?”

“Leave. Get out of my sight! Go.” He waved me off.

I had never run that fast in my life.

xxxxx

The human world was being drowned by sleet.

I stood on a little hillock, trying to cast my senses about. There were very few families, so I had a lucky break.

_There._

I got there in two breaths, and began hammering on the wooden door. It was opened by a tall, muscular man, whom I vaguely recognized. “Yes?”

“I'm seeking Urahara Kisuke.”

“He's asleep.”

“Wake him please. This is vitally important.”

Sleet drenched me from head to toe. I felt cold, but my heart felt colder. There was too much at stake.

_Please hurry._

After an eternity a person in white stepped out of the gloom. “Who are you?”

“I'm not important.” I didn't enter the hut. “Aizen-taichou is.”

“If you are a shinigami you know I am in exile.”

“If you give a damn about Aizen-taichou you'll come with me this instant.” I was done being polite. “He is _dying_ , Urahara. He needs you there, now. I don't fucking care if you get caught and executed or whatever, but he needs you, and you'll damn fucking well get there-”

“And if I refuse?” He looked arrogant and disinterested.

Suddenly I found my sword pointed at his throat. “I know you're more powerful, but right now I'm willing to risk everything to drag you there, by force if necessary.”

“What is your name, kid?”

“I'm not important.” I pulled away and opened the doors with my zanpakuto. “Let's go.”

xxxxx

He was still breathing. I had taken slightly more than one hour to track down Urahara Kisuke, and Aizen-sama had aged twenty years. His skin was wan and drawn, the blood crusted along the edges of the wounds.

Urahara dropped his uncaring act. “Sousuke, what happened to you?”

Aizen-sama's head rolled towards the voice. His lashes fluttered. “Gin?”

“I'm here,” I said hurriedly, rushing to his side. “I've brought him.”

“Who?” He opened his eyes, blinked. “Ki?”

“I'm here.” Urahara smoothed Aizen-sama's hair back from his brow. “What happened?”

“You.” Aizen-sama hissed out. “Your spell.”

I glared at Urahara as Aizen-sama's breath began to race. “If what he says is true-”

“-I will save him.” He stood. “Draw the bath. As much cold water as you can fill it with.”

 


	20. 20.

I fought to keep Aizen-sama down. He wasn't yelling, but the wounds in his body seemed to open wider and his skin was turning redder with every second. The icy water splashed over me but I wasn't concerned about that.

“How long do I have to keep him under?!” I shouted over Aizen-sama's thrashing.

“Full immersion!” Urahara replied and resumed chanting. The water was turning indigo, soup-like, and after he threw in the shimmering powder the water level had suddenly dropped to half its original capacity.

I tried to hold my lover under as best as I could. Before I could process the signs I had my forearm placed just in front of his mouth and he sank his teeth into the muscles.

“How fucking long?!!” I shouted again, barely able to focus on my job.

“...the sun is reborn and the circle closes! Now!” answered Urahara.

I hauled Aizen-sama out of the bath and he fell forward, gasping. He was completely limp, his arms drooping, his legs slipping. I clung to him, desperately trying not to fall. Then Urahara reached down and pulled Aizen-sama out to the edge of the bathtub, like he was weightless. I scrambled out, dripping wet.

Urahara was bending over Aizen-sama. I shoved him away roughly and hefted Aizen-sama into my arms. “He must change out of these. He'll catch a cold.”

“He will heal. He's probably going to wake very soon.”

“He'd better.” I carried him to the bedroom where I put his thick navy-blue robe on for him, and changed out of my own drenched uniform. A soft knock on the door announced the arrival of Urahara Kisuke. He slid the door open and walked to the bed.

I interposed myself between the two of them and snarled, “What do you want?”

“I want to check on him properly. Let me-” He tried to push past me.

“Over your dead body.” I turned and covered Aizen-sama with the thick fleece-lined quilt we were using that winter. “You were the one who landed him in this condition. You will not touch him again.”

“I assure you I mean no harm-”

“ _Your goddamn spell nearly killed him_! You don't need to _mean_ harm!” I roared. Already I was nearing breaking point. It had begun as such a good day... I bit my upper lip. I was shivering, I wasn't sure from what. From fear, from rage, from cold, from nausea... Sometime between pounding on Kurosawa's door to racing through Karakura I had the sickening realization that I had almost been too late.

I had almost been too late because I had dealt with a filthy piece of trash on my way to the house.

“You will never touch him again,” I repeated. “Because of you he almost went away.” I sat by the reposing Aizen-sama, cradling his head against the curve of my waist. There was more color in his cheeks, but his breathing was still shallow. His hair was damp, the moisture soaking into the pillow. Very gently I changed the pillow with another. I looked at Urahara again. “What sort of spell was that?”

“... Reiatsu growth. It forces the upper limits of a shinigami's reiatsu.” He inhaled heavily. “It hadn't been tested.”

“Liar.”

He jerked his head up.

I went on. “No scientist would invent something without attempting it himself. Even if he tested it out in a thought experiment. You meant to murder him.”

“Boy, when I was with Sousuke your parents weren't even fetuses,” he interrupted, “and I would never try to kill him!”

I smiled. He looked startled. I spoke very slowly, enunciating every syllable. “I hope you remember these words. Because if you ever, _ever,_ try to hurt him, I will kill you. Not immediately, perhaps. But I will come when you least expect me to, and I will tear you apart.”

“Big words for a young shinigami.”

“No. Those are simple words.” My smile deepened. “Big words would include decapitation. Dissection. Dismemberment. Perhaps disembowelment.”

My fearless gaze caught his inscrutable one, and I thought I detected a hint of grudging respect beneath the calm veneer.

He sat down on an available chair. “How long have you been together?”

“Almost a year.”

“You've learned a lot from him.”

“I have.” My fingers were combing through Aizen-sama's hair of their own accord. “He is a great teacher.”

Urahara smiled. “Word of advice, boy. Not everything he teaches is worth learning. Don't let admiration cloud your judgment.”

“What makes you think my judgment is clouded?” I inquired coolly. Before he could answer I felt a slight movement by my side. Aizen-sama was awake.

“Gin.' His voice was raspy. “Sit me up.”

I helped him lean against the headboard. The cuts that had erupted in his skin had closed, although a cursory glance just now had shown them to be merely surface healing. The lacerations went deep. I gave him a drink.

He had to speak slowly, as if words were too strenuous now. “Gin.”

I understood his intention. He wanted time with his ex-lover. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I want you to stay by the door, outside this room.”

I exhaled. They would reminisce about the old days. He would thank him for saving his life. They would get involved again.

Who was a young shinigami to interfere with their shared centuries?

Before I could get away from the bed Aizen-sama took my hand and squeezed it. I let my gaze move up to meet his eyes. He blinked tiredly at me. “Smile for me, Gin, like you always do.”

There was a lump in my throat that had nothing to do with the catch of emotion in my heart. I smiled, very tentatively. He tugged on my hand until I was half-kneeling, half sitting on the bed, facing him. I felt him place his other hand on my cheek, his rough thumb rubbing my cheekbone.

“I will tell you everything later.”

“I know,” I whispered hoarsely. “Later, taichou.”

“Wait.” He moved closer and our lips met. I could still taste my blood in his mouth, but the coppery tang didn't mask the bittersweetness that was pressed into me. His tongue traced over my lower lip, and then danced over the palate. I stopped the whimper as he pulled away, seemingly exhausted. We leaned our foreheads together, just breathing in tandem. He patted the side of my face. “We'll talk later.”

“Yeah.” I slid off the bed and walked out the door. Urahara remained in his seat, but I heard him stand up when I passed him.

The moment I shut the sliding door I stepped away and rested against a pillar.

_I love Ran. I still do._

_He has been with other people. I knew this. He still sleeps with Mizuki regularly. I bed Ran regularly._

_Neither bothers me._

_So why, when I see them together, I feel a knife in my gut?_

 


	21. 21.

Urhara exited the room in silence. I hadn't listened in to their conversation, but from his expression I knew it hadn't gone well.

Good.

I escorted him to the door and then, very pointedly, waited for him to step beyond the threshold. Before he did, however, he turned to me. “I can make the way back myself. What is your name, young shinigami?”

“Ichimaru Gin.”

“Ichimaru-san,” he said seriously, “I think it best for you to dissociate from Aizen Sousuke. He is a dangerous man.”

I looked down at my hands and then back up at his face, and I wore a thin, mocking smile. He appeared taken aback.

“I know. So am I.”

xxxxx

When I entered the subdued warmth of the bedroom, I knew he was better. The aura surrounding his frame was not even a hint of his former power – which he would return to very soon, I was certain – but at least it was steady.

By now it was almost daybreak. I felt like my bones had turned to water, I was so exhausted. But he had a light in his eyes as he welcomed me to bed. “Come here, Gin.”

I shifted in, a little concerned that my cold hands and feet would be unpleasant for him. However Aizen-sama took no notice of them as I slid under the covers and hugged him, and only pulled the quilt up to cover us. He kissed my hair, and then whispered a 'thank you'.

“You're welcome,” I replied as he tucked the quilt up further. There was a tight band stretched over my heart, and I found it difficult to breathe. His fingers dug into my shoulder and I could feel the oddly fast heartbeat beating against his ribs.

How do you acknowledge a near-death experience?

Finally he spoke. “There was something I wasn't pleased with though.”

“What, Aizen-sama?”

He breathed deeply before answering, as if each word was too taxing on his strength. With a gentle smack on the back of my head he asked, “Why did you doubt me? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me, Gin?”

He sounded hurt, if that was possible. I swallowed against the probability. “...No.”

“I will never - _never –_ give you a reason to doubt, Gin,” he said, his voice intense. “There isn't room for that between us.”

I smiled into his neck. “I know. You said that you will open yourself fully to me.”

“And the time is come.” He shifted; something was bothering him. I repositioned myself, hoping he could find a comfortable place to rest.“Before tonight, I had – not doubts, but reservations – about carrying out my plans.”

I couldn't help blurting out the main worry in my mind. “Because of Urahara-san?”

He smacked my head again. “Do not speak his name. But yes.”

I sat up, my elbows supporting my body. I bit my lower lip, suddenly angry. “So he's still important.”

“Ichimaru Gin, I just told you not to doubt me.” Aizen-sama sat up too, his eyes blazing.

“But he's clearly important-”

“He' important because he holds the key to my plans,” said Aizen-sama, his breathing heavy. There was an edge to his voice I had never heard before – bitter and determined. “Before tonight - or rather, yesterday - I still thought of him as a friend, if not an ally, and that was why I had hesitated.”

I said nothing, not sure if I wanted to believe.

He must have lost his patience as well. He snapped, “Still so transparent about your feelings. Have you learned nothing, boy?” With one hand he grabbed the back of my head, fisting his fingers into my hair and tugged hard. I winced with the sudden pain.

He went on. “If I have to fuck you until you forget the name of that blond bastard, I will. Once I get my strength back, don't even think of leaving this bed until I know that you no longer know who the hell he is.”

 _He must be more out of it than he realizes._ My good humor began to surface. _This is...wicked._

In a hushed whisper, “You just made sure I will remember his name forever.”

he furrowed his brow, as if trying to figure something out. I waited for light to dawn. Then, after a beat, he started to chuckle, and then began laughing. Until something pained him. “Ah- Ouch. Ouf. Gods, that hurts.”

_Okay, that's a really bad ploy for some tender loving care if I've seen one. What the hell._

“Here,” I said, concentrating my reiatsu on my left hand and running the chants through my mind. “Let me practice my healing jutsus.”

“That'd be great,” he said and relaxed into the mattress. Turning his head he looked out the small aperture of an upper window. “Gin, it's snowing.”

I looked around and saw the white flakes drifting slowly down. Then I turned back to him. “Then I guess we'll just have to stay in until you get strong again, hmm?”

He merely closed his eyes, a lazy grin on his face. My hands began to hover over his body, repairing what damage I could.

_Hope the snow falls forever._

xxxxx

I padded silently to the kitchen. Someone up there must have heard my wish, because snow blitzed through Soul Society for a week without rest. It was pleasant to have some time alone with Aizen-sama, even though he wasn't quite up to our usual...uh, shenanigans. Although we had designed our schedules together, any excuse to break the routine for some intimacy was welcome.

To my surprise Kei was already in the kitchen cooking up a storm. She started when she heard my greeting, but composed herself. “Good morning, Gin-sama.”

“You're back early,” I said, helping myself to a bowl of soup. She was a good cook, I had to admit; way better than I was. “I thought you'd wait for the snow to stop.”

“Grandmama said I shouldn't keep Aizen-taichou and Gin-sama waiting,” she replied.

 _A biddable girl indeed._ I wondered briefly if she ever made a decision on her own. Perhaps I should assist in some way – women should learn to fight for themselves. Then I recalled my original intention. “Get a tray ready. I'm bringing food back to the bedroom; Sousuke shouldn't be walking about.”

“Yes, Gin-sama.”

xxxxx

He was standing by the window, admiring the view. I picked up a thicker robe from the stand and placed it over his shoulders.

“It's stopped snowing,” he said, not looking at me. “We'll have to return to work soon.”

“Do we have to?” I complained delicately, leaning my chin on his shoulder. “I like the idea of you all weak and kitteny.”

_Oops._

He gave me a 'you-better-think-that-over' gaze. I hastily backpedaled. “Kitten-ish?”

The gaze endured. I squirmed and kissed his cheek. “Sorry. Got carried away.”

As we ate he asked if Kei was returning today. I grinned. “Mm-hmm. In fact, she came in this morning while you were still resting. She made breakfast.”

He rotated his shoulders. They were probably sore, even after the many massages I had given. “Get her to draw a hot bath.”

_Bath? Hmmm... has potential._

xxxxx

Before Aizen-sama was to proceed to the bathroom I went in.

Kei had rolled up the sleeves of her kimono, and was testing the temperature of the water. A lovely tanned arm, just toned enough without losing its essential femininity. Offhandedly I wondered what her fingers and palm would feel like: roughened by work, perhaps, yet with a tenderness beneath the callused skin.

She looked up and her breath caught. I knew it was not from desire but from unpleasant surprise.

_Let's see... I've threatened, cajoled, mocked, cautioned, whipped... what is left to do?_

Then my ever-present smile grew. If I had judged correctly just now, Aizen-sama was fully recovered. Perhaps it was time for a little celebration.

I walked around the bath and stalked over to Kei, who by now had clambered to her feet and was backing away very subtly. She jerked a little bow. “Gi-Gin-sama.”

I smiled. “Hello, Kei.”

 


	22. 22.

I licked my finger and made a face. _Odd._

Aizen-sama caught the puzzled expression and asked, “What is it?”

“I can't tell if I like it or not,” I said, trying to decide as the taste rolled over the tip of my tongue. “It's... complex.”

“Really? Let me try.” I offered him my hand and he ran his tongue over my middle and ring fingers, taking them into his mouth. I shuddered with pleasure. He closed his eyes, sucking leisurely, then releasing my fingers. “A tad sweet... but I like it. It's multi-layered.”

I twisted my lips before licking my fingers again. Now I could taste Aizen-sama along with the original, and it was definitely better than just now. I said as much before exchanging a teasing kiss with my lover. As I draped my arms over his broad shoulders I felt a tug on the chain around my left wrist.

“Kei, love, where do you think you're going?” I asked without turning my head, my left hand snapping out to grip her ankle. She whimpered. Aizen-sama and I both looked over at her naked form, the thin chain about her neck connecting her to me.

“Perhaps it's because she hasn't had a taste yet,” Aizen-sama suggested, leaning back on one hand. His other slid up her bare thigh and she drew away. He grabbed her other ankle and pulled her back towards us.

I licked along his collarbone, tasting sweat and salt. “You could be right.” With snake speed I pushed Kei flat on the mattress, forcing her knees apart. “Hold her for me?”

“Done.” He took hold of her neck. I knew from experience he would use just enough force to discourage struggling.

I let her see me trace my tongue over my lower lip before I bent to her warmth. She writhed in protest, already unable to utter anything louder than a whisper. My tongue probed into her wetness and along her clit before I drew away. Aizen-sama let go of her wrists and she began scuttling back against the headboard, curling into herself.

I tugged hard on the chain and she choked. As I yanked the thin links of metal she tried to fight the inevitable, but soon she was close enough for me to press my mouth against hers, and then she was compelled to know the tastes of Aizen-sama and myself mingled into her. Knowing she could attempt to bite me, my reiatsu surged and crashed into her.

Helplessly she drank the unique flavors in, until I released her. Aizen-sama's smooth hands danced patterns over my hip and then, with practiced ease, pulled me into his arms. “I want another taste,” he said, and I tilted my head back for him.

Kei huddled into the headboard, afraid to make a single sound, as Aizen-sama and I twined ourselves together. The chain on my wrist shook and tightened with our efforts.

“My wrist hurts,” I mumbled into his chest as I sucked on his nipples. “It's cutting into my skin.”

“That's because it's stretched too far,” he said. Aizen-sama then took the links and tugged at it until Kei responded again with another whimpering mewl. “You need to close the gap.”

“We'll need to make one first,” I said. We separated, our grins very possibly identical. _Maybe we should get a mirror in here_ , I pondered. Then I discarded the thought. _If we got a mirror we'll never get out of the house._

She scrabbled away, feet pushing against the linen, but as four strong hands gripped her trembling body she found it in her to cry out. Her voice, raw and hoarse, tore into my heart. And plunged straight into my desire.

As one, Aizen-sama and I proceeded to break little, biddable Kei.

 

xxxxx

The delighted look on Ran's face was more than I could ask for.

“Gin, this is... this is gorgeous!” She looked at me. With a huge smile she threw her arms about me. “You shouldn't have!”

“Why shouldn't I?” I asked, my arms tight about her waist, enjoying the press of her warm body against mine. “It is just a present for my dearest friend.”

She hugged me again. Then, disengaging herself, she held the thin chain and ring out to me. “Put it on me,” she urged, twining her thick hair away from her neck.

I draped it around her, and added a peck at the top of her spine. “It looks good on you.”

“Thanks,” she said. She began fingering it, and I was reminded again how lovely she really was. The silver ring on one end caught a ray from the sun, and the clear gleam brought out her icy-blue eyes. “This is perhaps the second most important possession of my life.”

“Oh?” I brushed her hairs away from her face and kissed the small beauty spot on the right of her mouth. “Which is the most then?”

“My birthday.”

I peered into her eyes, my smile becoming pensive. “September 29.”

“Yeah. Y'know, you never told me why you decided that was my birthday.”

I pursed my lips and frowned. “I'm not sure either,” I said at last, as we linked arms to stroll in the training fields behind the fifth division. “I guess it just seems right.”

“Hmm.” She leaned her head on my shoulder. “Sounds rather random.”

“I am rather random, Ran.”

We took our time wandering from training ground to training ground, enjoying a rare sunny day in winter. The chain twinkled now and then, silent reminders of the darkness it had witnessed.

xxxxx

When I returned to the office I was mildly surprised by the presence of Kuchiki Byakuya.

“Byakuya-san,” I greeted cordially. “How nice to see you after such a long while.”

“Ichimaru-san,” he said coldly, then ignored me entirely. He stood just inside the outer office's door, evidently waiting for something.

Aizen-sama came out of his office with a sheaf of papers. “Here it is,” he said, handing them to Byakuya. “Once you've decided please address your reply directly to me.”

“I will. Thank you very much, Aizen-taichou.” He bowed stiffly and exited.

_What was that about?_

xxxxx

Aizen-sama tossed in another log. “He is allowed to choose the division he wishes to join when he graduates.”

“What? Why?” Then I paused. “Oh, right. Aristocratic perks.”

“That's the way this society functions,” he said calmly. “Hierarchical, patriarchal, moribund. A relic from the early days.” Then he smiled coolly into the flames dancing in the fireplace. “That's why we will succeed, once I crack the code he's been using.”

“The Urahara code?” I asked deliberately. There was a slight pause in which neither of us laughed.

“I know I haven't carried out my entirely unconvincing and ineffective threat,” he said, not looking at me, but the smile turned mischievous, “but it is still in effect. Wait for the next long break we have, alright?”

I smirked as I left the office. “As you command, taichou.”

 


	23. 23.

Six months later, I was at her graduation. She seemed so proud, so radiant. I gave her a tight hug when she came bounding up to me. “Look, Gin-chan,” she said, “a real shinigami now.”

“So where are you guys celebrating tonight?” I asked with a small peck on her lips.

“The Hollow's Cero, down at the North Gate.” She twirled me around, giddy in her happiness. “You joining us?”

“I'll see. Aizen-taichou keeps me hopping. I had to ask for a day's leave for this.”

“He works you too hard,” she complained. “I hardly get to see you.”

“You'll see me tonight at the pub.”

She beamed, then was pulled away by Ise Nanao to act as protective shield between the slim brunette and a certain tipsy captain weaving his way through the crowd.

xxxxx

_'I think you might have let a small matter slip your mind, Gin.'_

_'Hmm?'_

xxxxx

I brooded at the bar. Subtly, of course; the smile never left my face. But it was a mask, fixed and unyielding.

“You look like you're enjoying yourself,” said a new shinigami I didn't recognize.

Grinning, I nodded and downed my cup of sake. Ran, along with her classmates, was urging someone to drink three bottles in one long swallow.

He peered at me. “I was being sarcastic.”

“Thank you for your concern,” I replied, still smiling.

xxxxx

_'I still have to do it?'_

_'Did you think I'd forget? You promised, Gin, and I don't treat promises lightly.'_

xxxxx

I swallowed again, the burn of the alcohol slowing my thoughts. He was right, of course; I could do it.

I would do it, eventually. First I must give her the news.

“Ran!” I called her over. She bounded up to me, flushed with high spirits. I kissed her on her lips. “Got something to tell ya.”

“What is it, Gin-chan?”

“Don't call me that,” I said testily. “Anyway, Aizen-taichou told me – in secret – that you're assigned to the fifth.”

xxxxx

_'Isn't it too soon?'_

_'I didn't ask you to do everything in one swift shot. Take as long as you want – as long as it's done right.'_

xxxxx

“Ooh!” She embraced me excitedly. “I can see you everyday then!”

“Yeah,” I concurred. “Isn't that great? But I'll rank ya; I'm being promoted next week.”

She tugged me along to participate in the festivities.

xxxxx

_'Can't we settle for a kill, Aizen-sama? Or maiming, I can do maiming.'_

_'Let me share something with you, Gin. When I was naive, I thought killing was the ultimate cruelty. Then I realized that it is so more satisfactory to torture them. And finally I understood the best form of pain is when they create it within themselves.'_

_'Is that why you want me to do this?'_

_'Yes.'_

xxxxx

She danced and sang along to the stringed instruments some of her friends were strumming. I danced with her, recalling simpler times, simpler days. Her citrusy perfume wrapped about us in a mist, the silver chain bouncing in counterpoint to our movement.

I saw the light in her eyes and my heart ached with love. My Rangiku, my love – I had done so much in secret for her, and I hoped she would never find them out.

xxxxx

_'I can't do that to her. I just can't.'_

_'You can do it. What you're saying is that you won't.'_

_'But if you understand-'_

_'That is my request, Gin. Go for the hurt... instead of the kill.'_

 


	24. 24.

After I retired from Ran's dormitory, I headed for Aizen-sama's office. He was working late: tomorrow all the new graduates would know where they were posted.

He understood my reluctance to hurt Ran, but hadn't wavered. I sighed. It was a long shot anyway. He then gave me an assignment: to kill some fellow over at the twelfth.

xxxxx

I knocked politely on the screen door. It was dilapidated, according to the standards of Seireitei; this was a guy not high on the totem pole. “Is anyone in?”

The door slid open with a slight creak. “I'm sorry, but this is not the office, and office hours are closed-” An old man with a straggly beard began to ramble.

“I come from Aizen-taichou of the Fifth,” I cut across his monologue. He blinked at me.

“Oh, yes,” he nodded and raised a crooked finger. I entered the room. It smelled funny, like medication and old papers. “He did tell me he was very interested in my study of sentient species... please, come in. mind the mess, it's the maid's day off, haha, my little joke there...”

“You live alone, sir?” I asked, once again interrupting him.

The old man cackled. I found myself breathing shallowly. Gods, it stank in this place. He said, “Yeah, yeah... since that little upstart Kurotsuchi took over he's been tossing out the oldies, what, no respect for age is what we always says, the old men Urahara wouldn't dare to insult has become 'deadwood', the captains likes his shinigami young, I suppose...”

I was unbelievably bored. “Sir, the things he wanted to get from you, are they ready?”

He nodded and pointed at the two boxes in the corner. I browsed through the files inside, as well as the journals. For an apparently semi-senile man he was very neat in his paperwork. “He's a scholar, he is,” said the old man. “and I think he's going to love my thesis, it'll show the new captain not to look down on old men, is what I'm saying, the mind is still sharp.”

“That's great,” I said. “Do you mind turning to face the wall, sir?”

“Huh?”

I kicked his zanpakuto away from him and drew Shinso. “I'll make it fast.”

“What- what are you doing? I'll scream!” He was shaking now, backing away. “You can't do this!”

“I think otherwise.” The blade was at his throat.

He managed a last question before I cut his windpipe. Too bad it was an irrelevant one. “Why?”

“Y'know,” I said, pausing, “I never thought to ask.”

He died quietly, quickly, cleanly. No fuss, no muss. I packed up the papers, thanked the cooling body again, then I was ready to leave. Suddenly I caught sight of two slips of paper under a lamp.

The words were unfamiliar, but I knew they were tickets. Probably theater, since there were seat numbers and dates on it.

 _Hmm. Birthday present? He'll like it, I'm sure._ I pocketed the tickets and proceeded to our house with the papers and journals. I left the body and the scene as it was. He wasn't even ranked, and it would be ignored until he was rancid and rotten.

_Way of the world._

 

xxxxx

The day before we had to go to the show, I ran a little errand down to the twelfth.

“Good morning, Kurotsuchi-taichou,” I said respectfully. The man creeped me out.

He barely glanced at me. “What is it?”

“Aizen-taichou asks after Nemu... and I'm wondering how is the boy I sent over.”

He brightened. “The boy is very useful! He's provided me with valuable data, though I did have to put on a translator device, I couldn't understand his babblings at first.”

“Nemu?”

“She's very resilient, and we are very compatible,” he chattered cheerfully, now pulling down files. “Of course, I have to wait before the toxins can be implanted, but the enhanced neurotransmitters are taking nicely, and it's remarkable how quickly she recovers from invasive surgery.”

“That's great.” I suppressed the shudder that went down my spine. “Anyway, you mentioned a translator?”

“You need it?”

I shrugged. “We're heading to someplace called London, so perhaps you could loan us two sets?”

“Try these out,” he held out two boxes. “Under experiment. Tell me how it goes.”

“Uh, could we have only _one_ experimental set?” I held them gingerly. “At least lend Aizen-taichou a proper functioning set.”

“Boy,” Kurotsuchi snarled, “even _I'm_ using the experimental sets. Get gone.”

I smiled sheepishly and ducked out of the building.

 


	25. 25.

Though we left London at night, we arrived in Seireitei in early morning. I shook my head, trying to overcome the initial confusion.

“I'm returning the translators to Kurotsuchi-taichou.” I bade Aizen-sama goodbye and left. There were a few things to get before I met up with Ran.

A ring, for one thing.

xxxxx

She was rearranging the furnishings of her new quarters in the squad's dormitories when I dropped in. “Hey Gin.”

“Hello.” I kissed her sweaty forehead. “You look beat.”

“I am,” she admitted. “But the room just... I can't get it to look right.”

I sat beside her on the table. “Perhaps you're missing some accents. Maybe a vase, or a picture, or maybe... this.” I dangled a gold ring on the end of a silk ribbon before her.

She was agape. When I was beginning to be convinced she had been turned to stone, she whispered, “Is that a ring?”

“Full marks,” I teased. Then I became more serious. “Matsumoto Rangiku, will you consent to enter into marriage with me, Ichimaru Gin?”

She just stared at me blankly. Finally she asked, “Did I hear what I just heard?”

“Maybe it was your imagination,” I said, the ring still dangling and glinting in the afternoon light.

“You wish!” Throwing her arms about my neck, Ran hugged me tightly and kissed me all over my face. “Gods, I've been wishing for this day for _years_!”

I put the ring on her finger. “Well it's good you haven't fantasized about this for a million times, because this whole proposal would have been an anticlimax.”

She laughed and we kissed again. In that single moment, I felt like nothing would ever, ever go wrong with the world.

As I stroked her hair I apologized for the plainness of the ring. She said it was okay, that she loved whatever ring I got her, even if it was made of dried grass.

“Ha, and to think I spent the better part of my salary on this.” I became somber again. “And, Ran, we're not getting married yet, actually,” I said, “more like, an engagement. Until I'm sure I can afford a house, a wife-”

She put her finger on my lips. “Until _we_ can afford a house. Then we'll marry.”

“Yeah.”

We hugged again, in her new room. I watched the motes of dust that danced up a shaft of afternoon sunlight, feeling an aching numbness expand in my chest.

xxxxx

I watched the girls crowding around Ran and I grinned. It was good that she was so popular. They were squealing over the news and, for some reason, made her tell the story of how we met, our lives together, and the proposal in her half-messed up room over and over.

I excused myself and went to the bar for sake. As I sat on a stool, a bald shinigami looked over. “Hey, congrats, man. Heard you're the guy who landed the gorgeous babe.”

“Thanks,” I accepted graciously. Something clawed at my throat – bile?

He was looking at her. I repressed the desire to rearrange his face. “I've no idea how you do it, she's a total knockout.” He snorted. “If I didn't have-”

“Hey,” said a pretty shinigami with chin-length hair. He leaned over and kissed the bald man on the cheek. “Did you wait long Ikkaku?”

I smiled. Now there was no need to kill the bald shinigami. What was his name again?

“By the way, I'm Ikkaku,” he said, extending a hand, not the least embarrassed at being kissed by another male. That was a surprise. No one else I knew would be so calm and cool about being in a relationship with the same sex. “This here is Ayasegawa Yumichika. We're both from the eleventh.”

I shook his hand warmly. “Ichimaru Gin, fifth division. Never met you guys before.”

“We just joined recently,” said Yumichika pertly. He brushed his hair from his cheeks. I observed him closely. He was stylish and elegant, no doubt about that, but he wasn't effeminate or coy. Ikkaku nodded at Ran and told his lover about my engagement. Yumichika said, “That's really great. When's the wedding?”

“No date yet. We're saving up for a house first.”

“Oh.” He studied me closely – possibly more closely than I had done him just now – and then murmured something into Ikkaku's ear before wandering off. Ikkaku frowned after him but didn't pull him back, as I half-expected.

I pointed at Yumichika's disappearing figure. “Does he always do that?”

“Yeah, he says it adds mystique. Personally I find it a load of horse-crap, but don't tell him that.” Ikkaku downed half a bottle in one go. “Actually, he wanted me to tell you something, but uh, he's afraid you'll take offense.”

“Well, I'll try not to.”

Yumi, he reads people quite well.” Ikkaku gestured with his non-drink-holding hand. “And, uh, he says you should stay with the one you love and not, y'know, marry for friendship.”

“I am marrying for friendship and also for love,” I said calmly. “Ran has been and will be my best friend and lover. I can't think of anyone I'd like to marry.”

“Listen, I know I'm just a guy in a bar,” said Ikkaku in a low voice. “But Yumi and I, we've seen a lot together. Done a lot together too. We know it's not currently accepted for men to fall in love with men, or women to love women... sexually. But if you have someone you love but can't marry? Don't hurt the girl's feelings, is all.”

I rubbed my nose and laughed shortly. “Ikkaku, this is the first time I've ever said this.I've tried, both ways, men, women... and I still want to marry Ran.”

“So you genuinely love her?”

“Yeah. I'll do anything for her.”

“That's great. Congrats again, Ichimaru-san.” He downed the rest of his drink. “Now to get Yumi home so we can celebrate.”

I laughed again, this time more heartfelt. “I thought I'd be the one celebrating!”

“Well then, spread the love!” He waved goodbye.

I watched the two men go, neither holding hands or touching, but there was a heat between them that was lacking between Ran and me. I knew why that Yumichika fellow had tried to point it out: he had noticed the lack of heat as well.

The two of them had good hearts, even if they appeared a little unorthodox. I raised my sake to my lips again, determined to get myself a little more tipsy.

xxxxx

As we strolled towards the shinigamis' quarters, I told her I'd have to drop by Aizen-taichou's office to get things ready for the next day.

“But it's late,” she argued.

“And if I get this done, we can spend more time together tomorrow morning.” I kissed her brow. “And I'm sure your neighbors need the sleep.”

“What do they have to do- oh.” She slapped me playfully on my arm. “Pervert.”

“You can wait in the outer office, y'know,” I said, looping an arm about her neck. “It shouldn't take long.”

xxxxx

I wandered into the division offices, as steadily as I could manage. Aizen-sama – no, Aizen-taichou now – was there.

I stacked the papers from my desk and knocked timorously on his door. “Ichimaru Gin, taichou. The documents for tomorrow's meeting.”

“Come in,” he called out. “I'm assuming Akagi has seen them?”

“The lieutenant has checked everything personally, and I've corrected the few errors I made.”

His eyes twinkled as they caught the lamplight. His lovely, deep, chocolate eyes... I felt myself warm at the sight.

As I passed the papers to him our hands came into contact. He lingered over my skin for a few heartbeats, our breaths catching. Abruptly he looked down and pulled the papers away from my grasp. I hissed in sudden pain: a sheet of paper had left an inch-long paper cut on my left palm.

“Oh dear, I-I'm sorry,” stammered Aizen-taichou. He came around the table and held my left hand carefully. “I'm so clumsy sometimes... Here, a piece of cotton.”

He pressed the white strip against the cut. I wriggled my ring finger, which also had a deep cut in it. He took one glance at it and then, without a prior signal, began sucking the blood beading on the fingertip. I began to blush.

“Um, taichou...” I murmured, hesitantly. It felt so good, his lips on my skin...

“Hmm?” He looked up, his warm and smooth right palm still holding my left. Then he hastily removed his mouth from my finger. Then, realizing he still held my hand, he let go too. “What- I mean, how is it now?”

“It's not a big deal... I mean, it's just a paper cut, sir.”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” He rubbed his nose and pushed up his glasses. “I, um, I have to stay. Longer. To uh, look through the documents you just-just gave me. So I'm not keeping you.”

“I have to go too.” There was a catch in my throat. “Good evening.”

“Good evening.”

xxxxx

I knew she had been observing, just the last bit, and then she had scurried to the main office before I emerged from his room.

I swallowed the lump in my throat down before I spoke. “Come on, Ran,” I said. “We have quite a lot to do before dawn.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, but I saw her cast one last glance at the corridor that would lead us to his office.

_The seeds are planted. Let's see how they grow._

 


	26. 26.

“How about Kyoraku-taichou instead?” she said, tapping her pen on the sheet of paper. “He'll be a great officator: short, sharp, back to the booze. I can ask Nanao-chan to ask him.”

I frowned. “Shouldn't we ask Aizen-taichou? He is our commanding officer, y'know.”

“And that's why I think he should be our witness.” Ran yawned. “But we'll need to tell them soon, the wedding is in three months' time.”

I debated within myself whether I could last three more months. No, I couldn't: the past three months had been near torture. Seeing him everyday but not able to touch, to kiss, to fuck... it was torture.

“Gosh, look at the time,” Ran exclaimed. “We have a briefing tomorrow. Wonder what it's about?”

“I've got to get back.” I kissed the top of her head. “Lots of unfinished tasks. See you tomorrow morning.”

“You never stay for the night these days,” she complained. “Why don't you bring the work here and I can help?”

“That would be wrong.” I kissed her on the lips and pulled away. I slid the door open; it was late enough for most of the division to be fast asleep.

“You too, Gin-chan. I love you.”

I held her hand where the ring shone. I kissed it, in the courtly fashion, and smiled before I turned and left.

xxxxx

Unexpectedly my steps led to his home. I hadn't meant to; I meant to return home like I said to Ran. And yet... The heavy wooden doors looked forbidding, but I knocked on them anyway.

_If he doesn't appear in five counts I will leave._

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Four._

_Fi-_

He opened them, wearing his dusty green robe again. “Ichimaru?”

“She's not here,” I said. “Just me.”

“Oh. Then why are you here?” he ushered me in quickly. One good thing about Seireitei was the lack of security around captains' homes – it was understood that they were more than capable of defending themselves and if they couldn't, they didn't deserve to be captains.

Once inside I whirled around and locked my arms about his neck, our lips pressed fiercely together. He wasn't completely involved at first, as if he was preoccupied, but soon gave into the moment and returned my passion.

“Why are you here, Gin?” he asked again as we took a breather from my greeting.

“I missed you.” My hands clung to his broad shoulders. I wanted to tear into his skin, to taste his blood and then his come spreading over my tongue, to feel him writhe as we melded...

“You see me everyday.” Despite his words, he pressed his face into my neck and inhaled; I knew I wasn't the only one suffering from withdrawal symptoms. His arms tightened about my waist. “I see you everyday.”

I tasted the salt on his skin, traced my tongue over his rough jaw. “It's not the same.”

“No it's not.” He shoved me hard against the wall beside the main doors. His hands began undoing my obi, tugging down my kimono top. I kicked off my sandals and pushed his robe open. He was hard for me; I could feel the heat coiled in my belly, responding to his urgent caresses. “You can't stay long; Mizuki will be coming in a while.”

“Just here then.” I bit his earlobe as my hakama folded to the floor. His sash tore in two when I yanked a little too forcefully, but that was forgotten.

We pressed together, tongues fighting for dominance. He turned me to face the wall, and I braced myself for him. I choked back a gasp as he pushed my legs apart and then slid into me.

“Ai-Aizen-sama... hurts,” I grunted. Looking apologetic, he began to pull out, but I shook my head. Bracing myself on my elbows, I repositioned myself. Then I nodded.

He pushed in again, this time with more care. I bit back a cry, and it was soon the familiar pleasure of him enveloped by me; my erection jerked within his large hand, and I shuddered with the sensational friction.

His muscles bulged and tensed with the effort, and I was soon biting down on my lower lip, drawing blood.

“Gin... how I've missed this,” he mumbled into my shoulder. “We're going to have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Ye-yes.” I tried to inhale as my legs threatened to buckle with the nearing climax. “Oh gods...”

He came quickly, and I shuddered with every jolt of heat into my body. My come covered his right wrist, and vaguely I felt a sense of guilt. I pushed it away; guilt was no match to the lightheaded giddiness of his touch, the searing passion of his kiss, the completeness when we joined.

She was no match to him.

As we separated and dressed I had to swallow the bitterness that rose in my throat. I went to the door again.

Before I could open it he pulled me in and we kissed once more. I drowned myself in his warmth, in the rich, dark taste in the depths of his mouth. My arms moved involuntarily up his body, and I felt him groan.

Then we pulled away. I was breathing hard. Suddenly I feared him. I feared myself.

I was supposed to be using him.

I was supposed to be using him so Ran and I would have a strong supporter, so that I would be powerful enough to protect Ran, so that I would have nothing to fear.

“I have to go,” I said thickly, not trusting myself to meet his eyes.

“You have to go.” He appeared more calm than I did, but I recognized the small twitches of his hand, the too-deep breaths, the jumping pulse at the base of his throat. “But five days from now we'll need to visit someplace special. Tousen will show you the way.”

“Yes, Aizen-sama.”

“I'll see you then.”

 


	27. 27.

The silence hung heavy over all three of us.

Tousen seemed not to feel it as he directed me out the gate. It was his division on duty, and so there was no problem of them questioning his orders. Aizen-sama had placed a glamor over us earlier.

When we reached the human world, he lifted Kyoka Suigetsu's veil. “Where is our guide, Tousen?”

“Here,” said the blind man, tugging on a thick chain secured to a tree trunk. On the other end something approached.

“It's... a rabbit.” I licked my canine tooth. “Our guide is a rabbit.”

“It calls itself Chappy.”

“Doesn't look like he has dry lips,” I cracked, but the levity was not in my tone.

Aizen-sama bent to look the hollow in his eyes. “Open the way to Hueco Mundo,” he commanded.

“You shinigami.” The hollow sniffed at all of us experimentally. “Why should I obey?”

“Because we can always capture another one who does what he's told, and we can kill you. Whereas if you open the door and don't give us lip, perhaps I'd feel inclined to release you from our service once we get there.” Aizen-sama straightened. “So how is it going to be?”

The hollow sniffled once or twice, its overlarge ears twitching, as it considered the benefits to helping us. Then it ripped open a garganta and we followed it.

xxxxx

“So this is Hueco Mundo? Wow.” I looked around me. “It's really vast.”

“That is where we're headed,” Aizen-sama pointed at a white building – set of buildings – in the distance. “It's quite far though, so I suggest shunpo.”

“It could be difficult with the sandy surface,” said Tousen.

“Not impossible.” Aizen-sama took off.

Tousen and I glanced at Chappy. Or rather, I glanced at Chappy and Tousen faced in its general direction. I shrugged and unsheathed Shinso. “Sorry, bunny boy, the boss didn't say to let you loose.”

“Wait!” it squeaked, “he didn't say to kill me either!”

“I like to take initiative in some matters,” I replied, and cut its throat. It dissipated with barely a sigh.

Tousen waited for me to sheath Shinso. “He wasn't wrong.”

“Doesn't make him a valuable piece of luggage. Shall we?”

xxxxx

I forgot I was the most junior member of this trio: they were way faster. Aizen-sama was angry about something, but I knew he wasn't angry at me. It bothered me nonetheless.

When I finally reached the gate he was in deep discussion with Tousen. They stopped when I came up. Aizen-sama stepped back and Tousen knocked on the door.

“They'll open for us?” I asked, slightly out of breath.

“They'll open for me.” He was focused on an inward matter; his frown was more pronounced than usual.

The doors slid inward. I followed behind my lover and Tousen fell in behind me. The corridor was dark and it smelled musty, like a century-old crypt.

“I see you've come again, Aizen Sousuke,” chimed a female voice from somewhere inside the dim murkiness.

Aizen waited. “Come on out, Latrodecta. You don't keep any guest waiting, you know that.”

I heard a shuffling, and then I wished I was as blind as Tousen behind me.

There, from the darkness, emerged a large, bulbous shape, swollen and engorged. First a limb, then a second... eight of them. Aizen-sama stood tall and proud, unflinching.

“Aizen Sousuke,” the thing – I assumed it was a she and she was probably Latrodecta – spoke. Her voice was surprisingly pleasing. “I didn't believe you when you said you'd come back.”

“I believed _you_ when you said you'd take over the entire complex, and I'll get half of it,” said Aizen-sama. “But here you are, bloated and trapped in a tiny corner near the gates.”

“I like my space intimate,” Latrodecta sneered. “Besides, how was I to know you'd honor that agreement?”

“I was going to,” Aizen-sama said quietly, but his voice carried through the dark halls, “but you've disappointed me. I could've made you stronger than the vasto lordes, and you are satisfied with so little.”

“You are but a shinigami captain, Sousuke, don't you _dare_ insult me!” she hissed.

“And you are but a hollow and you will keep a civil tongue.”

Everyone paused. Then I realized I was the one who issued the challenge. Aizen-sama looked at me with a blend of respect and amusement, while Latrodecta maneuvered her bulk towards us. Her sixteen eyes gleamed red within the skull-white mask. “Who is this then?” she asked.

I smiled up at her. “Ichimaru Gin, fifth division, eighth seat.”

Suddenly there was a great whooshing of foul wind. Latrodecta shook and shivered, and there was another inward rush of air. A thin, scrawny man wandered out from behind Latrodecta's massive girth. “Hesperus. How have you been?” Aizen-sama said politely, but I saw him grip his sword.

My smile tightened.

“What, never seen a man before?” He moseyed past Aizen-sama, and he was naked. His skin was entirely black – not Tousen-black, but ink black. A hollow hole sat on his breastbone. He sniffed at me, winding an arm sinuously about my waist. “You smell like... bamboo, I think, or perhaps iris... very light...”

I hissed when he licked up the side of my face. His tongue scraped like sandpaper. “I like this one, Sousuke. Very inscrutable. Let me guess...”

“You want to play games?” asked Tousen, but Aizen-sama shushed him. The little smile never left my face. Hesperus ran his fingers over my features.

“You're his new toy.” He pulled away and hissed into Aizen-sama's face. “He's cute.” He sneered as he came near me. “He's young. Too young to eat.”

“He's not for your eating, Hesperus, nor yours, Latrodecta.” Aizen-sama's voice became very cold.

“I know,” said Hesperus. His eyes were pale violet, I noticed; very odd color. “So the great Aizen Sousuke's banging a frail little pretty boy like you. Do you like it? Does he make you bend over like the bitch you are?”

The skin under Aizen-sama's left eye twitched.

Hesperus was now getting in my face, looking into my ever-present smile. “I wonder... does it hurt when he rams it up in ya? Or maybe you like that it hurts? Does it make you scream? Maybe he does it cos you squeal like a little girl?”

I began laughing. It was all so ridiculous. “You know, the way you're carrying on, I think _you're_ the one with a fixation on Aizen-sama.”

“I belong with Latrodecta, the Lady of Las Noches, bitch.” He spat in my face before returning to his mistress.

Latrodecta caressed her mate with a claw. “This one's got spunk. We'll enjoy eating him.”

“You'll eat him over your dead body, Latrodecta,” said Aizen-sama. His voice became pleasant again. “Your mate was very, very rude to my lover.”

“You're on my turf, Sousuke,” she sneered. “I make the rules.”

“You forget who set you up in here.” He drew his sword. With a gentle tug on my shoulder Tousen led me away. Aizen-sama hadn't released Kyoka Suigetsu, but suddenly an ocean of reiatsu crashed down upon us. “And I do remember promises made... and ignored.”

As he angled his zanpakuto, I caught Aizen-sama's eye. He nodded very slightly and the corners of his mouth turned up.

I breathed in deeply, and watched in anticipation.

 


	28. 28.

My admiration mounted as Aizen-sama held both adjuchas at bay without even releasing Kyoka Suigetsu.

Latrodecta was trying to be placating, but even a blind man – other than Tousen – could tell how furious Aizen-sama was. The spider-hollow said, “Now, Aizen-dono, you know he didn't mean anything by it-”

He interrupted coolly. “I don't know. Let me tell you what I do know.” He began walking forward. “I know you owe me Las Noches. I know you allowed this man-whore to enslave you, blind you to my purpose, a purpose to which you had sworn yourself. I was going to make you _great,_ Latrodecta, have you any idea what you threw away?”

I wondered why he said that; the spider was huge, but it didn't seem as if she was that powerful. Hesperus seemed more of a threat than that bloated eight-legged hollow. She was now scrambling, her legs waving in some form of crude defensive shield. Hesperus beside her was staggering. With a sudden hiss he burst into a patch of black smoke and swept past Aizen-sama towards us with deceptive speed.

“That, that was your great lover, the one you abandoned me for!” Aizen-sama pointed with his sword.

The black cloud collided with Tousen and smashed him into the wall before we could duck and cover. In a flash he had coalesced and gripped me about the neck, just tightly enough to cut off my air without incapacitating.

_Your mistake._

He roared my captain's name. “Aizen Sousuke!”

Aizen-sama turned slightly in our direction. From my vantage point his expression was unreadable. I smiled. I knew how he would respond to the stupid threat this pathetic hollow was going to make. “Back off, Aizen, or I'll tear out the smooth white throat of your little ass-bitch.”

“Go ahead, Hesperus. I can always find another lover,” said Aizen-sama, his smile equally mocking as mine.

“Hesperus?” Latrodecta screeched, shaking. “Hesperus, save me!”

_Fat chance._

My hand slid to my sword and I angled it blade point out. I choked out the release command. “ _Ikorose, Shinso.”_

My zanpakuto shot out and impaled Hesperus along the collarbone. He hissed in pain and fled back to Latrodecta's side.

“Bad aim, Gin,” called Aizen-sama.

I shrugged. “Sorry 'bout that. His hide's thicker than I thought.”

“Not a problem.”He gestured and muttered a few lines. A glowing red web fell over Latrodecta, and the ensuing scream made my head hurt.

Her mate tried to rip the web apart, but his hands burned where they came into contact with the strands. “Let her go!”

_Yeah. That'll work._

“Let me think... no.” Aizen-sama lowered his sword. “Not until Las Noches is mine. You will clear the others out before you get her back.”

Hesperus was stupid, but he wasn't an idiot. After a short pause, he dropped his jaw and ripped off Latrodecta's head.

She didn't even have time to scream.

Aizen-sama sheathed his sword. I frowned. What was he doing?

“Very decisive,” he praised the adjuchas.

“At least now she'll always be a part of me.” Ichor was dripping down Hesperus's front.

Aizen-sama raised his voice. “And I can now trust you to claim all of Las Noches?”

“I will. But not for you.” Hesperus seemed to pulse and enlarge. “Never for you.”

“We will see. For now, we will go.” Aizen-sama swept around majestically, with a secretive smile on his face.

Tousen scrambled to his feet. I was a little anxious: he was leaving like this?

“Hesperus, I'll see you in a few months. You have work to do,” Aizen-sama said as we strode out the complex. He was bringing up the rear.

"I'll be waiting for you," he answered, his voice reverberating.

xxxxx

I listened intently as Tousen asked the questions I had in my head. But something was worrying me. I said quietly, “He'll be even more powerful a few months later, Aizen-sama. I'd say he'll be near vasto lorde standard. It'll be very difficult to defeat him.”

“I know.”

I went on. “Why did you keep the spider around anyway? She was weak.”

“She was, but Latrodecta alone out of all the hollows in Hueco Mundo could reproduce. And each of her spawn was the spiritual equivalent of a normal human – and she spawned hundreds at a time.”

_So she could have sustained the reiatsu growth of dozens of hollows – endlessly? No wonder he selected her._

After Tousen left Aizen-sama patted me on my shoulder. “It was good of you to speak up for me in there, Gin.”

“It was nothing, Aizen-sama.”

He chuckled and stroked my hair. “Now focus on your wedding, Ichimaru.”

My heart sank. “Yes taichou.”

 


	29. 29.

I wandered around the room while she tried her dress out. After some persuasion and a few pictures, Ran decided on a western-style gown, to better show off her splendid figure.

“Gin, how do I look?” She emerged from the dressing room. I turned around.

I smiled warmly. “You look... like the woman of my dreams.” I approached her and held her by her waist. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

The dressmaker scuttled out, tape measure in hand. She beamed at the fool's grin on my face. “Ah, Ichimaru-san. You are a very, very lucky man.”

Smiling, I pressed Ran's fingers to my lips. “I know.”

xxxxx

Time flew. Wedding preparations faded into recent memory, and soon I was adjusting my collar as I sat in front of Kyoraku-taichou.

“Nervous?” he teased.

I inhaled against the memory. Instead I smiled brightly. “No.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _Nervous?”_

“ _Nervous. Agitated. And now very, very turned on.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

He patted my hand. “That's good. Okay, what you have to do is initial here and here later, and then she will sign here, and here. Then your witness signs on both copies and puts them in this box for you to keep.”

“Alright.”

Kyoraku-taichou grinned lopsidedly. “You're entering a new world now, kid. Marriage is about trust, about being open to each other.”

I laughed lightly. “How would you know, taichou? You're not married.”

“I've heard rumors of how it works.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _If you enter, Gin, I will open myself fully to you.”_

xxxxx

“ _I will never - never – give you a reason to doubt, Gin. There isn't room for that between us.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

She entered the hall, and all of us got to our feet. Ran was radiant, her face glowing from the inside. And beside her was Aizen-taichou, dignified in his captain's uniform. His warm brown eyes were soft and I swallowed.

Ran sat beside me, and Aizen-taichou took his place on Kyoraku-taichou's left.

“Matsumoto Rangiku, Ichimaru Gin, we are gathered here to witness and bless your wedding. I'm not going to make this a long boring ceremony, so here we go.” Ignoring the muted laughter from our friends behind us, Kyoraku-taichou said, “Do you, Matsumoto Rangiku, pledge to love, honor, obey and support Ichimaru Gin, your husband and your other half, from now to forever?”

“I do,” her clear voice rang out through the hall. I heard a sigh from some people behind us. My eyes fell on the parchment pieces before us.

Aizen-taichou bowed his head. “Heard and witnessed.”

Kyoraku-taichou continued. “And Ichimaru Gin, do you pledge to love, treasure and protect Matsumoto Rangiku, your wife and your other half, from now to forever?”

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _Is it love?”_

“ _No. I don't love, Gin. Not even you can plant that human taint into me.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

“I do.”

Ran squeezed my hand under the table. In my palm she wrote 'I love you', and I smiled.

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _Thank you. For not loving me. I can't handle love anymore.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

“Heard and witnessed.” He nodded at Kyoraku.

For a second everything seemed to freeze. We exchanged the most minimal of glances, and I signed as quickly as I could. After that the proceedings went past in a blur.

I knew I kissed the bride. I knew I accepted all the congratulations. I also knew he faded from the room and disappeared.

The smile on my face grew bigger and brighter with every passing moment.

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _Gin, I'm your lover. Can you live with that?”_

“ _Hell yeah.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

When I entered the anteroom after a particularly energetic dance I was surprised to see Aizen-taichou at the bar. He looked bothered by something.

“Oh. Hey.”

“Ichimaru,” he greeted. He hadn't turned around. “Congratulations.”

I felt breathless. He seemed to stand out; everything else just became background to him. His dark hair covered his eyes, and I wanted to push the locks away. “Uh, thanks. For being... for being here.”

“You're welcome.” He smiled absently. There was a tautness in his jaw.

I grabbed a bottle at random. He then turned to study me, and brushed off my lapel. I gazed into his clear, chocolate-warm eyes.

“Look at you. My fine protege. All grown up and married.” Now stroking my cheek, he appeared almost pensive.

“I'm sorry to put you through this,” I whispered, cradling his hand against my cheek. Hypnotized by his fiery gaze, I moved towards him.

“You stole my line.” His breathing hastened, shallowed. “But you look wonderful. As does she, of course. Absolutely breathtaking.”

I was bothered by the glasses, so I took them off. “Breathtaking,” I repeated.

“Her wedding dress was beautiful.”

“Beautiful,” I concurred absently, brushing my lips along his jaw.

He was almost rambling. “And... and she loves you.”

“Loves you.” I moved my mouth towards his, inhaling his wine-scented breath, feeling intoxicated by his proximity. And then I kissed him, unable to resist. I shifted his left hand to my hip, the hand on my face sliding to the back of my head. My own hands circled his torso and pressed him closer. His broad, muscled back, covered by annoying layers of fabric... his firm shoulders... his muscular legs under his hakama, pressed against mine... his hot, hot mouth, the insistent tongue, the deep, rich, complex taste...

“Oh. Uh, sorry. We weren't, um.”

We jumped apart. Aizen-taichou groped for the glasses that I left on the bar counter. I looked at the two men who entered, and fought the fierce flush on my face. They looked embarrassed, but also oddly victorious – like they solved a difficult puzzle.

Aizen-taichou covered his mouth, then licked his lips. I forced myself to make the introductions despite the urge to run.

“This is... this is um. This is Aizen-taichou. I'm under him – I, I mean, I'm in his division. And uh, taichou, this is Madarame Ikkaku and um, Ayasegawa Yumichika. They're from eleventh d-division.”

“Hello,” said Aizen-taichou politely.

They nodded. “Hi.” “Good afternoon.”

“I have to go... uh, back to the rest of the guests,” I stammered, unusually flustered.

“Yes. Yes you do that.”

xxxxx

As I fled back to the main hall, Ikkaku caught up with me.

“Hey.” He looked around. “Come on, we can't talk here.”

I bit my upper lip as I smiled tensely. “I'm not going to talk.”

“You married someone-” he hushed as some guests wandered by “someone you don't love. It's a mistake.”

I turned away from the guests to face him. “What would you have me do, Ikkaku? He's a captain. I could jeopardize his career with, with what happened inside. That wasn't supposed to happen, and yet it did. On my wedding day, Ikkaku, what do you think will happen if I _wasn't_ married?”

He glanced at Ran who was dancing with Kyoraku. “I understand why you chose this path, but it's not fair to her.”

“I love her as well, Ikkaku, and she is the one.” I swallowed again, feeling dry in the throat.

He shook his head. “You should've just followed the one you love.”

“It's not that simple.”

“Make it that simple then.” He let go. “Congratulations, if you can still stomach it.”


	30. 30.

****I slid noiselessly from the bed. The sheets were rumpled; I rotated my stiff shoulders. She hadn't been happy that I was too tired and drunk to enjoy our wedding night for long, but she hadn't protested. Now she slept soundly, her hair spread over the pillow like a golden halo about her lovely face.

xxxxx

xxxxx

“ _But it's our wedding night!” she pouted._

_I nibbled on her lower lip. “I'm wiped, okay? It's been a very, very long day and, inasmuch as I want to, I can't perform well.”_

“ _Hmmph.” She snuggled under my chin. We lay together quietly._

“ _Gin?”_

“ _Hmm?”_

“ _Today is the best day of my life.”_

_I kissed her brow. “I know.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

I moved a strand from her eyelids. She stirred but turned over, not waking. Getting to my feet I tied my belt about me. There were a few bottles of sake left over from our wedding party, and I planned to put them to good use.

Sitting down in a comfortable but second-hand chair, I opened the first bottle and drank it in one pull. Then I opened a second one. There were about twelve – I figured I needed about seven to be tipsy, and nine to walk unsteadily.

The tenth, eleventh and twelfth... Ran could have them. She never had much stomach for drink.

xxxxx

I had no idea how I exited my new home. It was right on the edge of Seireitei, near Rukongai, and I was glad for that little mercy. After all, it was raining very hard, and I was very unsteady on my feet. My white umbrella offered little to no shelter; wind whipped rain into my face and all over me, and visibility was minimal.

It didn't matter.

I knew the way like the back of his hand.

xxxxx

_Shadow behind me. Light before me._

xxxxx

The doors were not locked. What would be the point? He was inside, and he feared no one.

I padded inside quietly, aware that, with the buried sekiseki stones my reactions and senses were slowed.

It didn't matter.

xxxxx

_Door is unlocked. Corridor is unlit._

xxxxx

I knocked on the door.

“Who is it?”

“It's Ichimaru, taichou,” I replied softly.

He opened the door to the study. There was a haggard look to him; had he rested at all since this morning? “Ichimaru, what is it? Why are you here?”

I wanted to answer him, but my legs gave up and buckled.

“Taichou...” I whispered as he threw my arm over his shoulder. He was warm, his musky scent intensified by our closeness.

“You smell of alcohol. How much did you drink?” His tone was gentle; he propped me close to him as he steered us to his desk.

I smiled woozily and confided, “A lot.” I pushed myself from him and headed for his desk.

“Why are you here now?” he asked. I didn't answer at first, but he caressed my cheek. “Why did you drink so much?”

I looped my arms about his neck. “I needed courage. I needed courage to tell you something. Very important something.”

He removed my arms from him. “You're drunk. Tell me tomorrow. Let me tidy up and send you home to Matsumoto-”

“No!” I swept all his things from his desk to the floor. It was petulant, it was childish, it was necessary.

xxxxx

_A sound not stifled quickly enough._

xxxxx

“Ichimaru,” he said patiently, holding my wrist, “go home and be with your wife.”

I refused.

He brushed the hair from my eyes. “Come on. You should be enjoying your wedding night. Return home and be with the person you love-”

“I am home,” I hissed and kissed his hand. “And I am with the person I love. I want to be here, with you. On my wedding night.”

xxxxx

_A sob, almost too fast to be caught._

xxxxx

He jerked his hand away from my lips. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

I gripped his wrists. “I know exactly what I'm talking about.” I forced a kiss on him. He pulled his hands back but stopped as I moved my tongue along his lips and into his mouth. My hands swept up his arms, all the way to his head. My fingers tangled into his thick hair, and I reveled in his complete submission to my demanding tongue. He was actually whimpering in the back of his throat as I circled my hips against his pelvis.

Then, as if coming to his senses, he shoved me away. “Wait. No. This is... you're drunk,” he panted, touching his lips, licking them. “What the hell are you doing? What the hell am _I_ doing?”

Obeying an inner drive, I grabbed him and kissed him again. He was aroused, the heat between his legs evident despite the layers of cloth between us. His hands shifted to my chest, then his fingers spread over my pectorals. I could feel my heart pounding against my ribs.

He tried to resist again. “Ichimaru... don't. Stop, go, go back to your wife...”

xxxxx

_The rustle of cloth against the frame of the door._

xxxxx

“She's asleep. She doesn't matter.”

His hands slid to my hips and I welcomed his advances. However he suddenly backed off, retreated into the wall. “No. No this is- this is madness. This is wrong.”

I took a deep breath, and out of the blue I snapped. “Let me tell you what's madness. Knowing that I want you, that I'm begging you – with my body, no less – and rejecting me. Knowing that every time I see you in this office, I long to be pinned against this table, against the wall, and be thoroughly fucked by you, and rejecting me. Knowing that every morning, I yearn to kiss you on your lips as you say good morning to the squad, and yet rejecting me. That... _that_ is madness. _That_ is insanity.”

He shook his head weakly, rejecting my rhetoric, not meeting my eyes. His voice was oddly strangled. “We can't. I'm your captain, I can't take advantage of my subordinate. Not you.”

“Why the fuck can't you? D'you know, that time when you told me to stay back, to correct the errors... I thought... I wished you were going to, I dunno, to kiss me. Even once. Or touch me, or do something! But all the time you just stood there, watching me, doing nothing but stare-”

“I wanted to!” His anguished roar cut off my rant. We stared at each other, shaking. My robes clung to me the way I wanted to cling to him.

“You think you're the only one suffering? The only in painful longing? Did you know how beautiful you were bent seriously to your task? If you had an idea, an inkling of an idea... Gin, I wish I could, but I can't! Because I am your captain, and you're married now, and _it's_ _wrong_ _._ ”He lowered his head, defeated.

I pushed away from his table. “I don't care that it's wrong.” He was panting, the desire evident despite his fervent refusals. I ignored his words; his body was telling the truth.

“This part of your body isn't asking me to stop,” I circled my pelvis against his hips, and he moaned unwillingly. I placed his limp hands and put them on my waist, where they gripped, hard. “Nor these...nor this...” His breath hitched; I licked up the arch of his neck and rammed my tongue into his mouth.

Our lips grazed as I pulled away to track kisses all over his face. His voice was rough, his words jumbled. “Gods, Gin...don't... please, stop. This is insane. You've... you have your marriage, your wife, your future. Don't throw them away like this. If anyone sees... we almost… this afternoon…”

“I don't care. I don't care that I'm married, I don't care anymore. Everyone can see and then tell Seireitei for all I care,” I murmured over his skin. He was trapped between my body and the wall: a rock and a hard place.

“We are... this is insane.”

xxxxx

“Oh. Oh my god...oh my god.”

There was running, then there was quiet. He asked, “She's gone. Do you still wish to continue?”

I thought it over and smiled. Nuzzling his nose I said, “Yes. Stay in character, Aizen-taichou.”

“Your wish is my command. Now, where were we?” He frowned and then relaxed. “Oh yes.”

 

xxxxx

xxxxx

The rain had stopped when I made my way back. Light was emerging from the edges of the sky, but from the gloom of our room no one could tell.

“You're up early,” I said with a small smile. “I didn't think you'd wake so soon.”

“I bet you didn't,” she murmured. She was hugging her knees, curled into the headboard.

I went to the bed and studied her. “You're wet. Took a bath?”

Her eyes snapped up. “Where were you?”

“Out,” I answered. “Nowhere important.” She breathed through her mouth, her eyes red-rimmed. Three empty sake bottles lay toppled on the floor, and I picked them up. “You shouldn't leave breakables around.”

She sniffed. I sighed and reached for her face. She slapped my hand away. “Don't – touch – me.”

“What? What's wrong?”

“You. You're wrong.” Ran glared at me, her cheeks tear-stained. “You're filthy.”

“Well I admit I do need a bath, but I wouldn't call me _filthy_ as such...”

“You know what I mean!” she screamed. “I saw, you disgusting bastard! I followed you and I saw!”

“You followed me?” I asked in a hushed voice. “Why?”

She ignored my query. “How could you, Gin?”

I stilled even further. “How could I what, Ran?”

“You... you came onto Aizen-taichou, you kissed him! On our wedding night?” she began crying. “You left me alone on our wedding night!”

“I didn't mean for you to find out what I was doing.”

She snorted. “Or find out _who_ you were doing?”

“What the hell are you trying to say?” I asked, my voice deadly calm.

“I'm saying that you and that... that despicable, two-faced weaseling Aizen-taichou of yours should go to hell!”

My punch came out of nowhere. She was flung to the ground, suddenly voiceless with shock. I leaped to my feet and circled the bed. “You don't ever, _ever,_ talk about Aizen-taichou in that tone. Never, d'you understand me?”

She was flabbergasted. “You just hit me,” she whispered, tears welling up again. “You never hit me. How could you hit me?”

“Repetition much?” I raised an eyebrow. “So I hit you. That was for insulting Aizen-taichou.”

Shivering she struggled up. “You hit me because I insulted him? I'm your wife!”

“And he is our captain. You obey me and I will obey him.”

She shook her head. “No. No this isn't you. This isn't – Gin, what has he done to you?”

“He hasn't done anything,” I stated. “That is why I went to him tonight; because I couldn't handle it anymore; I needed him.”

Ran leaned weakly against the wall, her ice-blue eyes wide, her breaths erratic.

I smiled reflectively. “And he needed me, only he refused to admit it. Until I made him.”

My wife slowly folded to the floor. I took no notice other than to sit beside her and hold her hand. She tried to pull back, but my grip was like iron. “Ran, you've loved me for a long time. You can imagine the wild joy I felt when he finally kissed back, can't you?”

She shook her head. My lips curled with fond memory. “He never, never came near me or touched me, not until today... he looked so good in his uniform...”

“I don't... I don't want to hear this.”

I ignored her whispered protest. “In the anteroom, when we finally kissed, after years... his scent, his lips... I can still feel them, on me...”

Shocked, Ran blurted, “You mean you kissed him at our wedding?”

“That was our first kiss ever,” I confided, “but just now... I honestly didn't know why I left, why I headed to his place, but... when we were touching, when I could finally taste him...”

“Let go, let me go,” she whimpered and fought my hold. “I don't wanna know I don't I don't want to hear how you fucked him I don't-”

I grabbed her hands and pulled her into my embrace. “Shh, shh... I didn't fuck him, okay? I didn't.”

She was trembling violently, sobbing, great heaving sobs.

“He fucked me. And it was the first time I felt so loved, so completed.”

Abruptly she pushed away from my hug. “You're disgusting. I don't – I don't ever want you to touch me again.”

I stood up. “That wasn't what you said earlier.” With a brutal yank I fisted my hand into her thick hair and dragged her to her feet. “You wanted me to fuck you. And now I'm disgusting?”

She cried out as I tore her damp robe from her body. “You wanted me, you couldn't get enough of me. You didn't want me to stop fucking you well guess what, honey? You're getting your wish.”

“No!” She bucked and struggled in vain, trying to throw me off as I pinned her. “No, get off me get off get off of me I don't want to-”

“You don't have to want,” I hissed as I shuffled out of my own clothes. “I don't need you to want.”

She shrieked as I buried my teeth in her shoulder, then she screamed again when I thrust between her legs.

“You wanted me to love you,” I rasped brokenly as I kept thrusting. “Now you want me gone. Make up your fucking mind!”

She tried to bite me and I slapped her across her face. I leaned in and bared my teeth in a wide, humorless smile. “You wanted this, you wanted me. And now, now you have me, Ran, all of me.” 

xxxxx

xxxxx

 

“ _So what do I have to do, Aizen-sama?”_

“ _What does she want most of all in this world?” He was writing in his journal._

_I paused and pondered. “Me,” I said at last. “She wants me to love her.”_

“ _Do you?” he asked, a mocking half-smile on his face._

“ _I do.” I looked away, then returned his gaze. “I can't help it.”_

“ _Then love her. And use the love you share.”_

“ _Help me?” I pleaded. He ran his eye over my face, then nodded curtly. I sighed. “Thank you.”_

 


	31. 31.

"I told you not to insult my captain.” as I pushed the door and entered, Aizen-sama rose to his feet.

I never really compared both of them, since they were hardly in the same space.

Ran's eyes glittered, the bruise on her cheek redder in contrast to her pale skin. Her lip bore the marks of my rough treatment, and I saw how she gripped her uniform tightly.

I also saw the thin gold band on her finger.

"Gin." Aizen-sama's voice drew my attention. I tingled when his tone caressed my name.

I looked him over, aware – all too aware – of that veiled strength, of the sword-sharp mind, of the steel-cold heart hidden behind the warm exterior.

"Taichou." Turning to Ran, I said, "I told you yesterday, Ran. This has nothing to do with Aizen-taichou."

She sneered, "And everything to do with you?"

"Yes,” I admitted haughtily. “I came to him. I seduced him."

"Why are you protecting him, Gin? He's a hypocrite-"

I threw the back of my hand across her jaw to shut her up. "I told you: do not insult Aizen-taichou."

"Gin!” Aizen-sama was standing between me and my wife in a flash. “What the hell are you doing? She's your wife!"

“I don't need you to protect me,” Ran snarled.

Aizen-sama gave a small smile. I knew he was pleased; there was that glint in his eyes whenever I had done something that he approved of. He said, "You are supposed to respect and treasure her, Ichimaru. That was your pledge."

"I will, in my own time." Looking over his shoulder I addressed my wife. "Get home, Ran. I'll deal with you at home."

"And leave you here alone with him? That's convenient."

I stepped forward, with every intention of hitting her again, but Aizen-sama stopped me with a palm on my chest. "Stop. Stop it. This is a Gotei office, not your home. Be professional."

I stopped. It was his turn on the stage. With a heavy sigh he faced Ran. "Matsumoto, Ichimaru and I... what happened was a mistake. I was weak. I-I didn't..." he paused, clearly finding it difficult to continue. I waited.

"I don't want you to leave this division, because you have been a good worker here. But I will respect whatever choice you make," he said sincerely.

"I'll choose to transfer, and I hope you'll process my application quickly." Ran's response was chillier than expected, but I was somewhat proud of her for not breaking.

_Ran is stronger than anyone knows._

"Matsumoto, you and Ichimaru have something special and I know-"

She cut in. "No, we have you. Standing between us. Forgive my impudence, Aizen-taichou, but I have some people to meet."

As she filed past me I grabbed her hand. “Don't you dare tell anyone about him. If I hear that you've blabbed about us...”

"You think I want people to know my husband's a freak of nature?" she retorted.

I let her go. Her words didn't sting as much as I thought it would, which was rather odd in itself. I used to want her good opinion so badly...

Aizen-sama clapped softly. "Good show, Gin. Very nicely executed."

I raised a brow. “' _On the happiest day of her life, she discovers her husband's cheating on her – with a man_.'” That was the show I had put on: no maiming, no killing, but hurt feelings. I shook my head. “But Ran is strong. She will not fall to pieces over this.”

“Then, you'll have to do something else,” he said as he got back to his work.

I thought about it. There was an extension of the original plan I had considered...

“You really are an evil bastard, Aizen-sama,” I said. _Where did the guts to say that come from?_

He smiled, peering over the top of his glasses. “Oh really? I didn't know that.”

xxxxx

She came back, late in the night.

From the bed I heard her shutting the door, and also when she sat down to remove her shoes. I could imagine her red-rimmed eyes closing – weary and dejected.

Then she stepped into the bedroom. I slid off the maroon bedspread. “You're home.”

She was stunned, unable to speak, unable to move, unable to breathe.

“We need to talk,” I said, my hand guiding her by her elbow. She followed blindly. I left the bedroom door wide open.

“Ran,” I began, “I think I owe you an apology. About Aizen-taichou.”

She stared at me, not comprehending.

“I know it's a big shock, but... I love him. I didn't make any move at first because I thought I loved you.”

Her eyes were wide. I covered her trembling hands in her lap.

“In my life, all I wanted was to take care of you, and I thought that was love.” I bit my upper lip. “But when you told me to intern for him, I found myself... drawn... to him. I tried to ignore it, I tried to pretend it doesn't exist, but I couldn't. Every day, working here with him being so impartially pleasant – it was torture.”

She swallowed.

“But I need to thank you. If you hadn't invited me to join you there I wouldn't have met him. And... and all those lonely nights would have been impossible without you.”

A small furrow appeared between her brows. “You mean... I was just-”

“You were my best source of comfort. But, Ran... heh, this is difficult... I – couldn't feel, not when we have sex. I couldn't – experience – what you were clearly experiencing.”

“You-you mean, I wasn't... wasn't good?” she whispered.

I reassured her hastily. “No, no you were great. You were like, a pro. But, though the physical pleasure was there, I couldn't respond beyond that level.”

“Then why... why marry me?” She could barely voice her thoughts. Her eyes kept darting back to the bedroom.

“Because you wanted to. And I wanted you to be happy,” I said, stroking her hands. “Last night... I was drunk, and you provoked me. This afternoon I didn't expect you to confront him and... it threw me. I overreacted. I'm sorry.”

“Sorry. You're sorry.” She struggled to her feet. She was grimacing, trying to determine if she should laugh or weep. “So am I. I'm sorry I introduced you to him. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to make you love me... heh. I'm sorry, Gin, that you felt you had to make me happy.”

“Look,” I gestured to the second room beside the bedroom. “I made up another bed. We don't have to share the same bedroom at all if you don't want. We can still make this marriage work.”

She was shaking her head, her arms wrapped about her waist. “I don't. We can't. Ichimaru Gin, how can you stand here, and tell me you're sorry, when your... your lover is _naked_ in our marital bed?”

I cast a glance at the sleeping form of Aizen-sama covered by the maroon sheets. “Um...We were waiting to talk with you and, uh, when you didn't come home things got... out of hand.”

She just stared at me and suddenly she was laughing bitterly. “Gods... I can't believe... married for two nights and cheated on twice. Must be some kind of record.”

She swept her bag up and dashed to the door, pulling on her sandals. Her laughter died and her tears grew. “I-I-I can't believe... I-I can't stay here listening t-to you. How can you do all these? H-how can you tell me all these things?”

“Ran,” I reached for her but she flinched. “Ran, I just wanted to be honest with you. You're my best friend, I want you to understand.”

“I don't. I w-won't.” She paused on the threshold. When she spoke next her voice was an anguished whisper, as if she was again the little girl I found in the street. “You told me you love me.”

“I love you, Ran. I do. Just – not the way you want me to.”

She looked at me, her gaze a mirror of her pain, and then she turned and left.

Once again I felt nothing.

I got back to the bedroom and crept under the sheets, where I curled against his bare back and fell asleep.

I did not dream.

 


	32. 32.

The furor over Ran and my marriage and split died down after a while. Much of it was because she had transferred to Ukitake-taichou's division, and most shinigami respected him enough not to embarrass someone under his protection.

I had, by then, moved out of our home and into the dormitories. The room I chose was close to the captain's quarters, but Aizen-sama didn't live there.

I endured the contempt, the gossip; shinigami avoided me and I developed a reputation for never getting angry, no matter the provocation. Even snide remarks about sleeping my way to a promotion received an indifferent smile.

Ikkaku and Yumichika refused to speak to me; they had expected such an outcome, but they didn't want to appear as if they supported me.

I was nonchalant. Aizen-sama had been right; the morning after she left, I woke up in his arms and I felt perfectly fine.

xxxxx

xxxxx

On the first day of the new school year I attended the ceremony in Akagi-fukutaichou's place. Most of the lieutenants did not speak to me, deciding in their own way that I was beneath their notice. Nonetheless I knew some were discussing my recent two-day marriage and suspected involvement with Aizen-sama. No one knew what was real: _was it Gin who had an affair with him? Was it Ran? Or was Aizen-taichou an innocent caught in their crossfire when Ran went ballistic? Maybe she couldn't satisfy Gin but blamed Gin for not responding...._

I knew who had seeded the rumors, seeing that I helped to plant some of them. Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt I should be blaming Aizen-sama for Ran's breakdown, but instead I felt disappointment only.

_I thought you were stronger than that, Ran._

“Kurosawa-taichou, Aizen-taichou, the soutaichou is about address the new cohort,” I said respectfully. Aizen-sama nodded. The short-haired, mustached captain smirked and remarked as I left, “Got him well-trained too.”

xxxxx

I scanned the new students. No one special, I realized; all were mediocre. And most will probably be sent out to the human world as cannon fodder in the perpetual war between hollow and shinigami.

With a small smile I remembered how it felt to be amongst them, staring at the assembled ranks of captains and lieutenants, all radiating confidence and incredible power.

xxxxx

xxxxx

“Wow,” whispered Ran. “Can you feel that, Gin? When will we achieve that sort of reiatsu density?”

I only smiled, aware of the vast difference in ability. I studied all of them – captains and lieutenants. Some caught my eye more than the others.

The first captain was old, but nowhere near decrepit. The second captain was a woman, very toned, and napping while the old man talked. The one with the fourth's insignia was again a woman, her eyes gentle and her demeanor proper. The captain of the seventh division was a lean, lanky youth, but I felt the intensity of his reiatsu even from where I stood in the assembled crowd. The eighth who wore a flowery robe was snoring as discreetly as a whale in a living room; I smothered a chuckle of amusement. The last captain was listening attentively, and I was fascinated by his white hair. Was it similar to my own? I couldn't tell from this distance.

I looked at the lieutenants standing behind them. Other than one overly large, helmeted lieutenant of the seventh, the rest were unremarkable.

_Wait... that smiling one behind the fifth captain's seat..._

I looked closer. He had an open, sincere face, but that smile was disconcerting. It didn't match the tone of his expression, like a discord buried in a soothing symphony. Something was amusing him, or perhaps someone amused him.

Someone was snickering nearby. I caught Ran's name and I focused my attention on the two who were discussing how to land Ran in bed. I stiffened. Very slowly I half-turned my head and saw them – upperclassmen, thuggish. Ran was oblivious though, now tilting her head, a pretty frown between her brows. Her citrus scent dusted over me and in that moment, I had decided.

I would try to land the smiling lieutenant as our protector. His high rank would suffice in deterring the insects that buzzed about Ran.

Then I looked at myself: still too thin, too young, too weak. _Not yet_ , I determined, _not yet. They wouldn't make a move yet, the teachers watch over all students closely for the first four years._

_In the fifth year, I will make my move._

 

xxxxx

xxxxx

“I have to go to the Fourth, Ichimaru. Tell Akagi to sort out the paperwork, figure out which ones I need to see.” He sighed. “You heard about Matsumoto?”

“What about Ran?”

“She achieved shikai... when she tried to kill herself.”

I froze. _Ran... tried to kill her_

Aizen-sama gripped my shoulder. “I'll check on her after I talk to Mizuki. Don't worry, Gin, some good came out of all these.”

“Yes,” I echoed. “Some good.”

_I thought you were stronger than that, Ran._

When Mizuki came to my rooms I was surprised. “Mizuki-san, what is it?”

“Ichimaru-san, I came to ask you to stay away from sempai.” She stood regally, her eyes narrowed. “His reputation has been besmirched by your... I don't even know what to call that. Fiasco? Disaster? In any event, do not involve your captain, Ichimaru-san.”

I acknowledged her concern. “I won't,” I said with conviction. Then I hesitated. “How is Ran?”

“She is fine, thank you for your concern. Ukitake-taichou believes you should not attempt to visit her for now.” Her tone was somewhat gentler, though I heard the rebuke hidden in the words.

I bit my lip. “Although she was... I still care.”

“That's commendable of you, Ichimaru-san. If it's any comfort, she's stable now that she's attained shikai.” She bowed. “Sorry for imposing on your time.”

I bowed as she left. Something seethed beneath my skin. _Where are you, Aizen-sama? What game are you playing now?_

 


	33. 33.

I knew the instant he was back in Soul Society. He was back at his house, and I got there in the shortest possible time.

He was washing his hands. I paused at the door when he caught my gaze in the mirror. He wasn't happy. “Gin. You didn't knock.”

“I need to talk to you.”

xxxxx

“What did you wish to talk to me about?” he asked as we sat in the anteroom.

I got to the point. “Why did you have me spread the rumors? We almost killed Ran because of them.”

I had been to see Ran – from a distance. She looked wan but alright, smiling at some joke Ukitake-taichou was telling. Then the white-haired captain had approached me and warned me, in no uncertain terms, never to bother Ran again.

He frowned, his brows nearly meeting over the bridge of his nose. “You know I don't like questions about certain decisions.”

“You know I care for her,” I said, then reminded him, “You promised you'll be fully open to me.”

“I did.”

“I'm your lover, Aizen-sama, and I demand to know.” I held my breath – what possessed my tongue to say something so audacious?

He reached for my hand and rubbed gently around my wrist. I relaxed. Suddenly he jerked me forward, twisted my wrist up between my shoulders and forced me face down into the tatami. I bore up until one knee pressed into my lower back, right into my spine.

“You demand? Of me?” he whispered by my ear. His breath was hot. “You hurt one person that you love, you bring her to the very edge of despair and loss, and you think that makes you my equal?”

_No. Not your equal. You'd think nothing of hurting others before they hurt you._

“You have a long way to go, Gin. You think you're ruthless now that you've driven her to suicide with a few well-placed words.” He exerted more pressure on my spine. “But you still feel, you still care, and that is why I am still above you. Do not presume, Gin, that you are done learning from me. Now I'm going to let you up, and you will listen quietly, and you will learn. Understood?”

I nodded, feeling the rough surface of the tatami scraping across my cheek.

“Understood?” I heard my shoulder creak as he pushed further.

“Yes!” I shouted.

He let go. I sat up, not able to look into his eyes.

_I will be modest. I will be humble._

_I will remember how you almost broke my mind._

He sat cross-legged. In the dim light of the anteroom I could not read his expression; his eyes were hidden from me.

“When you first approached me you intended to use me. I suppose you wanted me to become your sponsor and also to protect Ran, perhaps by blackmailing me after I slept with you.”

My fingers curled into my uniform. _You knew. You knew what I was planning before I came to you._

“I think it surprised you that I am not who I appeared to be,” he remarked, “and that I happened to be more complex a person than you imagined. And, I think, sometime between our second and third meeting, you decided to cede your control.”

“No,” I corrected him, “I decided on the spur of the moment.”

 _Follow him,_ my heart had said.

 _Follow him,_ my head had said.

How was I to refuse?

He nodded his comprehension and rubbed his lips thoughtfully. “I see. And through all our meetings and rendezvous, you allowed me to take charge every time. You never complained if my reiatsu overwhelmed you or threatened you, and I had to keep adjusting so that I wouldn't reduce you to a quivering wreck. I suppose you found out that close proximity to someone with high reiatsu density is an easy way to upgrade your own?”

“Yes.”

_And it had been easy, so easy. And pleasurable. And terrifying – the first night I thought I was going to die from the weight of his reiatsu. If he hadn't eased back I might have._

“And so you became stronger, and with that strength you eliminated threats to you and Matsumoto's happiness. Well thought-out plan. But there's something you didn't consider, Gin.” His tone was mocking.

I finally looked up from my fidgeting hands.

“Darkness infects,” he said simply. “You can't expect to wallow in it and come away untainted and pure. And it is addictive – no conscience, no morals. Want. Take. Own. That's a liberating way to live. And I believe that was when you began to enjoy the darkness I provided.”

His smile disappeared. I felt a shudder pass through me. “Matsumoto was your link to light, to life in Soul Society. With her around, you'll always feel obligated to take care of her, always feel obligated to doubt yourself and the darkness in you. You pledged to follow me to whatever end, Gin, and I can tell you right now that the path is bleak and dangerous. You will need that darkness to see you through. If she stays in your life...” he paused, possibly for emphasis, possibly for effect. “You'll die.”

_Will I?_

I didn't follow his motions as he stood up and walked to the door. His scent dusted past me.

“Think about it, Gin. I am not a light for your path, but I will stay your fears from you.”

I looked ahead steadfastly.

“Or, if you prefer,” his voice turned mockingly light, “you can always crawl back to her, begging her to take you back. I will then sever any link and void any promise – and I will kill you before you can tell anyone of my plans. And then you'll be reborn as a human. You get to live again.”

_No. Never again._

He chuckled. “Lucky you.”

_Lucky me, indeed._

I shuddered again and twisted about. He was tall and imposing, standing at the door. I called his name, but I wasn't sure what I was asking for.

He didn't bother looking at me though. “Did you really think that you can use me to gain so much power without paying a price, Gin? You're a smart boy. Let me know what you decide.”

_What can I decide when you put it that way?_

xxxxx

xxxxx

He thought I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming.

But it had been real.

He had said it noiselessly, but I could feel the silent syllables form and crystallize in the air, sinking deep into my psyche, etching like fire.

“ _Gin, love...my dear boy.”_

I moved slightly so I could peer into his face. In the subdued light from the crescent moon he seemed at peace.

Full lips, swollen from our kisses. I remembered the cruel smile it could summon at a moment's notice, and the honest one that could mask it immediately. A strong, straight nose; well-shaped brows that accented deep chocolate-brown eyes, eyes that a woman or man could drown in. His breathing was slow and steady, and my gaze slid from his eyes to his collarbone and then to...

_Hollow bruises? He's been injured by a hollow? That's... that's not possible._

My hand hovered over the darkened flesh, trying to convince myself it was a trick of the light and not a reminder from a hollow attack. When I saw the marks just now, they were not this obvious.

“Gin?”

My gaze jerked up, guilty for having been caught. He hadn't opened his eyes, but he did draw me closer to his body. “Gin, sleep. Ignore it.”

“But...”

“It's nothing. Just some delayed backlash from a shield spell.” He squeezed me closer to him. “Don't fret.”

I pushed away. “You were in Hueco Mundo. You fought Hesperus. Without me.”

He grunted and turned away.

I pulled his shoulder as I sat up. “You confronted a near-vasto lorde with no backup? Did Tousen know- you went without telling -”

“I don't have to tell anyone anything, Gin,” he cut in. He sat up too. “You want to see the scars? Here.”

He turned on the lights. I gaped when I counted the bruises: all down his torso, around his ribs. Each of them were so purple they were almost black. Some were bleeding. He then pulled on his robes. “I went alone because I knew I could take him. I don't need you to worry.”

I suddenly exploded with fury. “Worry? Of course not, you're the great Aizen Sousuke. You need nothing. You need no one.”

Aizen-sama's eyes narrowed. I ignored the warning. “You come and go as you please, you do exactly as you wish. You do who you want and screw the others. No one else matters, not me, not Tousen, not Mizuki, not Urahara. It's all about you. Always, always about you well guess what?”

I struggled off the bed, almost tripping over the sheets. Ripping them off I spat out, “I'm done. I'm done following you like a pet dog.”

“You are not a pet dog,” he said slowly. “A pet dog is loyal. It does not bite the hand that feeds it.”

“I'll bite you and more,” I snapped. “So if you want to kill me, kill me.” When he didn't move, I snatched up Kyoka Suigetsu by the table. Stuffing the handle into his hand I drew out a handspan of the blade and angled it at my throat.

He hesitated. “Gin, stop this nonsense.”

“Go on, Sousuke.” I pressed close; I felt the edge of Kyoka Suigetsu slicing into my neck. “End it.”

He just stared into my eyes. Abruptly he shoved the heel of his hand into my chest. I smashed into the wall, and fell in an ungainly sprawl. His sword was unsheathed.

“Get out. Get out and don't ever come near me again. Ever.”

Getting up from the floor I realized I was angrier than before. I dressed, my mind swimming. At the door I paused, glancing over my shoulder a last time. He was focused on the line of blood on his sword, but felt my intense gaze. He swung around and hurled his sword into the bed, spearing the mattress into the floor, completely destroying the bedframe.

“Get out!” he roared, his reiatsu boiling and engulfing me. “ _Go! Leave!_ ”

I fled.


	34. 34.

I buried my face in my hands the second I landed in my own, empty bed. The maroon sheets even smelled like his – sun-warm and with hints of his musky body scent.

_What the hell was I thinking? What the fucking hell was he thinking?_

I screamed into my pillow, trying to roar all my confusion and frustration out of my system. Somehow, sometime between the bouts of pummeling my mattress and the agitated yelling, I drifted to sleep.

xxxxx

“Why am I sent to Fegefeuer?” I looked at the location. “Germany?”

“There are signs that the continent will require more shinigami assistance than before.” He didn't even look at me.

The lieutenant, Akagi, tried to fill in the gap of awkward silence. “There will probably be a war in a few years' time. They will need your assistance.”

I wanted to inquire further but Aizen-sama called out Ono's name to give her her assignment. Fuming, I returned to work.

xxxxx

I ambushed him in the corridor, as I had done so long ago.

Well, it felt long anyway. In truth it was only slightly more than a year and a half ago, when we had met along that corridor., and he had kissed me for the very first time on my left cheek.

“ _I have to want?”_

_Yes, you have to want, Aizen-sama. You have to learn to want something other than what you already planned to have._

I heard his footfalls, heavier than usual. I stepped out from behind the corner and grabbed his arm.

He stared at me, his eyes obscured by shadows. “I told you to never come near me again.”

“You're sending me away – for years? For what I said? For giving a damn?” I hissed out, trying not to be overheard by any shinigami that might be around.

“No.” He barely glanced around, but his voice was as low as mine. “I'm sending you to study the political developments in Europe. I want you to be my eyes and ears and mind, to gather information that may be useful to my cause. They have been building empires, Gin, and I want you to examine how and why.”

“Really.”

There was a cruel cast to the look in his eye. “And yes, I do want you away.”

I felt a stabbing pain through my ribs, as if he had jabbed a reiatsu spear through my torso again.

He added, “The way I feel now? I do not know when I will give in to the urge to kill you where you stand.”

I scoffed. “I bared my neck for you to cut last night. You want to kill me, kill me.”

He shoved past me. “I have need of you yet.” I darted in front of him, stopping him from moving on.

“Then do not send me from your side. Don't let me endure the long lonely years away from home,” I pleaded. “Away from you.”

“Get over it, Gin,” he said dismissively. “There are more things than our affair to consider. I'm giving you a job - do it.”

_And that is it. Just a job. That's all I am to you, someone to give just a job to._

“When? How long, Aizen-sama?” I hadn't looked at the mission folder at all.

“Tomorrow night. Every shinigami on Foreign Society duty will leave tomorrow.” He inhaled and pronounced sentence. “Your term is for ten years.”

xxxxx

I was nursing another drink when someone plopped himself into the booth I was in.

“Hey there, cutie,” said Iba. He had just transferred to the seventh, now that Zaraki-taichou had placed a baby girl into lieutenant position, and no one would dare take fourth seat between Ikkaku and Yumichika. We happened to be drinking buddies way back in school, though we lost touch after I was pulled out of the academy. “You look like crap's crap.”

“Thanks for the compliment.” I toasted him. “You looking good. Seventh's suiting you.”

“Well, Hirako-taichou's cool enough, and Komamura-fukutaichou is fair even if he's mysterious.” He quirked a grin. “You don't look like you're high on life though.”

I snorted and drank. He patted the back of my hand and said, “I heard what happened with you and Rangiku and Aizen-taichou.”

“And yet you're still hear drinkin' with me,” I slurred.

“Because I think of you as my friend, and I don't like to judge my friends. 'Sides, I know Rangiku's pride was hurt more than her heart.”

“Really. Never thought you'd understand her better than I do.”

“Gin, ya think we really didn't know you were growing distant from her? Especially after you took an internship posting at the fifth's. She's been deluding herself, brother,” Iba said with a soft snort. “You haven't been hers a long time before the wedding, am I right?”

I grinned bitterly. “I'm no one's now.”

“Aizen-taichou's fighting Zaraki-taichou at the grounds!” Someone yelled into the bar.

Iba jolted to his feet. “Come, Gin.”

I remained seated.

“Gin, come on! Zaraki-taichou's gonna kill Aizen-taichou!”

“Good,” I breathed. “Then he can finally get whatever hell he wants.”

A sleek shadow moved over to the booth – over to Iba. “Hey kiddo, you comin' along to watch?”

“Hirako-taichou! I apologize for not seeing you earlier and-”

“Tch. You wouldn't see me if I didn't want ya to,” Hirako-taichou snorted. “So who's this?”

“Ichimaru Gin.” I held out a steady hand although my head slumped to the table. “Nice to meetcha.”

“I'm nice to meet,” he smiled.

I called the bartender over and ordered more bottles, staggering to my feet. “Let's go see how they slaughter each other, hmm? Might be good for some laughs.”

xxxxx

I watched and sobered up.

They were _animals –_ tearing and ripping at each other. Zaraki was laughing like a lunatic with every strike he got, every time Kyoka Suigetsu ripped into his flesh and cut open his skin. Aizen-sama wasn't any better; I saw the grin that flashed across his face with each wound received.

A shudder ran through my frame. _He used to look at me like that when I've managed to hurt him in our sparring._

“I have to go,” I muttered.

Iba grabbed my shoulder. “You sure? This is the fight of the century! Two captains going all out – three captains going all out.”

“Three?”

I swerved around. Unohana-taichou had entered the battlefield without pause, flash-stepping with extraordinary calm and speed between the two whirling dervishes.

Every single shinigami was stunned when she stopped both of them immediately.

xxxxx

I didn't know how I managed to find my way back to my home. I did know I crashed to the floor without breaking any of the bottles I took with me.

“So we'll go no more a roving, so late into the night; though the heart be still as loving and the moon be still as bright.” I laughed again, the poem easily coming to me again. Then I broke the seal on another bottle and downed it.

xxxxx

xxxxx

_“For the sword,” Aizen-sama whispered as I leaned my head back on his shoulder, “outwears its sheath, and the soul wears out the breast...”_

_I smiled as he ran his strong fingers over my lips and I sucked gently on his middle finger. He pressed his mouth to the top of my head and murmured, “And the heart must pause to breathe, and love itself have rest.”_

_“I can feel your heart beating,” I said, closing my eyes. “What does that all mean, Aizen-sama?”_

_“It means that one day we will no longer feel this burning need to be near each other,” he said. His hand wandered over my chest. He looked fair against my deep blue robe. “And one day we'll want to take a break from each other.”_

_“I would never want that,” I protested, twisting around._

_He brushed my hair from my eyes. “You're young. Young when you died, and young as a soul. You'll find out.”_

 

xxxxx

xxxxx

“Though the night was made for loving, and day returns too soon...” I slurred as I crept to my bed. “Yet we'll go no more a-roving, by the light of the moon.”

I blinked sleepily at the half-moon outside the window, and toasted her. “By the light of the moon.”

 


	35. 35.

I thought I was dreaming when I felt myself lifted and placed on the bed.

Then I knew I was dreaming when he pulled off my socks. I tried to sit upright as he removed my left sock.

“Aizen-sama,” I whispered, certain I was still asleep from the sake. He faced me, slowly pushed me down and removed the remainder of my clothes.

_Aizen-sama, let this not be a dream._

But I was thwarted in my wish; he took my clothes along with the piles on the floor and disappeared. I propped myself on my elbow. That had been an apparition. I had been dreaming.

 _No. No no no... please... this is – no. Not like this._ _I can't leave Soul Society with this between us. If this is a dream it's... gods..._

I curled on my side, trying to breathe, trying to reject the nausea and the depression.

_It was all a dream._

Then a hand landed on my shoulder and gently forced my shoulder to the bed. My heart skipped a beat or five – he was still here. The light from the half-moon washed over his expressionless face. He took a warm towel and washed the sweat from my face, my neck, then over my chest and arms. I stopped myself from shuddering. He was so tender, so thorough... was this how he took care of me when I was catatonic?

When it ended he placed the basin on my study table and prepared to leave.

“Don't leave,” I blurted, terrified. “Please.”

He halted at the threshold of my bedroom. Hastily I scrambled out of bed, almost tripping over my own feet. I went up to him, not daring to touch him, not willing to let this illusion go. He smelled like sun-warmed laundry, like musk and amber blended, like Aizen. The words tumbled clumsily from my mouth. “Don't go. Please, stay. Even for one night, even if it's just a dream I'm having because of the liquor... and anguish... and, and – I don't know – the, the – the despair. Don't leave.”

He didn't speak. His regal profile froze in the faint silvery light, like he was a marble statue.

“Say something. Say anything!” I pleaded, then suddenly I was afraid I would drive him away with my insistence. He made to leave and I grabbed at his coat. “Then... then say nothing. Just don't go.”

His face betrayed nothing. Then a smile grew on his face and he kissed my knuckles.

When he let go I stumbled backwards. I was mumbling something like a mantra, only I wasn't sure what I was saying. I glanced up and I realized he was disrobing, right before me, and then breathing didn't feel all that important anymore. My mouth went dry; he had done this many times before, and every time it felt like it was the first time.

He raised my face by cupping my chin. Then I almost fainted at the touch of his lips on mine, even as he knelt on the mattress while sitting on my thighs.

I wasn't entirely cognizant of how he had me flat on my back, how he had my wrists locked in his grip; I didn't care. The alcohol raced through my veins – or was that my desire? It didn't matter.

He was claiming me, all of me, again. I fought to have him enter deeper, to have him hurt me just that little bit more so that I knew this wasn't a fevered dream or a delirious hallucination.

xxxxx

I woke to his heartbeat. It was pleasantly monotonous.

_A signal that we're alive, that we're here._ _Unless it has all been in my head._

He shifted so I rolled to his right. “This is a dream, right?” I asked hesitantly. “It has to be a dream because you hate me and are sending me away from you.”

Aizen-sama smiled as I traced his mouth, then abruptly he chomped onto my finger. I jerked the injured digit away, and my eyes widened.

“So is this a dream?” he asked, a hint of mischief about his eyes.

I couldn't breathe. Then I threw myself at him, kissing and grappling and burrowing, trying to meld with the real person in my bed. He laughed shortly and caught me in his strong arms. I pressed my face into his chest, which was salty with sweat.

“You're not angry?”

“I was, but not for long. You meant well, after all.” He paused. “I flared up because you brought up some bad associations.”

_Urahara again. One day I will flay him._

Unwilling to bring up the ex-captain, I asked, “Why are you suddenly sending me so far away for so long?”

He sighed and told me it had been planned for ages.

“Then why didn't you tell me earlier?”

“Because you would then find all sorts of ways to persuade me otherwise. I'm sending you not because I want to, Gin, but because I have to. Tousen can't leave, nor can I. It has to be you.”

I pondered over the news. He added, almost conciliatory, “You have many qualities I lack, love. You're far more attuned to people, and you can discern their true nature almost from first contact.”

I tingled, but it was as if he hadn't noticed his slip. Before he could realize I said hastily, “So you want me to figure out the reasons for expansion?”

“I _need_ you to examine the leaders, find their strengths and weaknesses,” he clarified. “I _want_ you here with me.”

“Ten years,” I protested weakly. “That's too long.”

“Ten years. But we are shinigami. We can make it, love.” He patted my head absently. “Your qualities will see you succeed where Tousen and I will fail.”

“There's that word again.”

“Qualities?”

“Love. You called me 'love', twice. Thrice.” I tilted my head back to study him. “Am I? Really?”

He sighed and kissed me. “Don't get too used to it. I won't be saying it again, and definitely not in public.”

“As long as you have said it, that's enough.” I spoke with certainty. His grip on my shoulder eased and slipped to my waist.

_And it is enough. It is privileged knowledge, and I'm privileged to know it._

“And tomorrow I have to leave.” I nibbled at his hardened nipple, flicking a tongue across it.

He sounded regretful. “Tomorrow is here, Gin. It's been here for hours.”

“How long before we have to go?”

“Hours.”

“There's not enough time,” I said despairingly. He pulled me to himself. I shut my eyes and cuddled closer to his warmth. I wanted to freeze time, to capture this odd moment of clarity and openness, and to never, never let him go.

xxxxx

We arrived early at the inter-Society gates.

Shinigami were bunched about; most were awaiting arrivals of their friends from far-off postings. I looked around and saw Ran waiting by the side of Ukitake-taichou. When Aizen-sama addressed us my attention snapped back to him.

“Ono, Ichimaru, be careful out there.”

I nodded slightly, while Akagi silently reaffirmed the message with a small smile at Ono.

_Oh ho ho... how did we miss this?_

“Ono, your reporting officer is uh, Capitaine Jean-Pierre Javert. He's fair, but strict. He'll be giving me a report of you every two months for the three years you are there, and if I get good reports your rank will raise accordingly.”

Ono smiled brightly, but perhaps Aizen-sama caught the sheen of tears in her eyes. Aizen-sama patted her shoulder before she lugged her baggage to follow Akagi.

I waited for Aizen-sama to take the lead.

“Ichimaru, your reporting officer is Kapitän Wolfric Hartmann. He's in charge of the penitentiary process in Fegefeuer,” he said crisply. “Ten years, Ichimaru. I expect you to keep your original task in mind, and to remember what I taught you.”

“Yes, taichou,” I replied before I followed him to the counter. Akagi helped me fill in the forms and exchange tokens of authorization. The insignia of the division I was joining was a wolf's head, its fangs bared. I liked it.

Then I smelled citrus perfume. Turning around I saw Ran walking past me, but she didn't acknowledge my presence. She completely ignored my existence. I frowned, puzzled – if she wanted to ignore me why did she walk in this direction?

“Luggage?” the twelfth division member asked. I told him it would be sent on. He hmmmed and then stamped the papers. “Here. Your approval for transfer, temporary.

Ono and I returned to our captain, Akagi trailing behind us.

Aizen-sama addressed us again. “Alright, Ono, be careful out in France. Keep far, far away from the wines so the others keep far, far away from you.”

She swallowed. Her hand twitched.

“Ichimaru, I think I've briefed you fully. Any questions?”

“No taichou.”

“Good. Let's give them a little privacy.” I followed my grinning captain, aware that I was the only one who knew how unstable his reiatsu control was. I caught up with him, using the crowd as cover. Our fingers brushed.

xxxxx

xxxxx

 

“ _There's not enough time,” I pleaded. My fingers gripped his shoulders, even as he kissed my cheek. We had a few precious minutes in the division building, and I buried my face in his neck. His scent enveloped me, suffused me; I pulled away and tried to smile. The smile was pathetic._

“ _Shhh.. Gin, there is always time. We will have the rest of all time,” he reassured._

“ _I don't want to go.” It wasn't even a plea, but I felt he had to know._

“ _You know you have to.” He touched my nose._

_I nuzzled him. “There's not enough time.”_

_We embraced tightly until we felt Akagi's presence impinge on our senses. Aizen-sama released me. “There will be time. Come. We have to meet Akagi and Ono to sign in before you leave.”_

 

 


	36. 36.

I rolled the kink out of my shoulders. Karl reached over to knead his strong fingers into the tight knot, and I sighed with relief.

We turned to the new death reapers. Some were blushing with our obvious intimacy, others watched with narrowed gazes. Karl said, “Officer Ichimaru has demonstrated the basics of purification. Any questions?”

“Is there a need to pair up in the field?” one blond girl asked.

I fielded the question. “Now, with another great war drawing nearer, there will be more hollows and they will be far more powerful – the strong negative atmosphere create the ideal environment for powerful hollows.”

Karl and I addressed their other concerns before we returned to Fegefeuer. As we strolled to the Division Office, a messenger stopped me in my tracks. “Ichimaru, sir! Urgent correspondence from Soul Society sir!”

I waved off the sirring. “Thanks, Max.”

Karl snaked an arm about my waist and pulled me close. “What's up, lover?”

“... They want me home tomorrow,” I said, after scanning the letter, written in a flowing script unfamiliar to me.

“What?” Karl was aghast. “So fast? We're just into the third month after they invaded Luxembourg!”

I tilted my head and kissed Karl on his strong, mustached mouth. “Karl, you know this day would come. I am of Soul Society after all. And I've been here ten years – I should be getting home.”

He grouched. I smiled to myself – the big lug would sulk, but he could easily be distracted. He would need to be distracted. After all, I was the only one in Fegefeuer who could tame with his volatile temper. If I let him stew he would rain his frustration on whatever unlucky soul came to him first.

However, when it came to sex, Karl Bauer was a puppy dog in my hands. As I moaned his name aloud while he thrust agitatedly into me he softened his anger.

“I don't want you to go, Gin,” he muttered rebelliously. “You'll forget me the instant you see your old flame.”

“I've been with you for the past eight years, Karl,” I said, nuzzling under his prickly chin. My fingers danced over his golden-tanned skin, loving the way his arm muscles feel. He tucked me closer to him, his strong hands leaving little bruises on my pale skin. Then he rolled on top of me, his lips crushing my mouth and his legs parting mine. Weakly I protested, but he was insatiable, being too aware that by the next night I would be far away and unavailable.

I spent that night easing his parting sorrows, but as I rested my head on the soft pillow beside Karl's for the night I couldn't suppress the thrill of fearful anticipation.

_Ten years, Aizen-sama. Finally it's drawing to an end._

xxxxx

Kapitän Wolfric Hartmann was mired in a captain's meeting and sent Karl to see me off instead. I suspected the good captain of growing a sensitive core, but I didn't probe. Hartmann was gruff but fair, and over the ten years I had grown to respect him.

Karl was silent as he walked me to the gate. When we reached the officer calibrating the coordinates wisely left us alone to say our goodbyes.

I pulled his dark head down to kiss him. He responded hungrily, and I was touched to feel a slight dampness near his eyes. “Karl, love,” I reassured huskily, “you'll find someone better.”

“I could request a permanent transfer.”

“You wouldn't leave Fegefeuer even with a moon-sized crowbar, Karl,” I laughed shortly. I leaned against his broad chest and hugged him. Despite his occasional bouts of bad temper and his general obtuseness, Karl was a tender lover and a gentle bear of a man. He tucked me under his chin, returning my embrace. I could feel the rumble of his unsaid words, and I kissed him again, my tongue tasting the full flavor of his mouth.

I was eager to go home, but Karl had made the long decade tolerable. I would miss him.

xxxxx

_The scent of Soul Society. Familiar and different._

I breathed in, aware that I had to readjust my internal clock to the hours kept here. I had left mid-afternoon, and it was full night here. There were differences, minor but telling. For one thing, they had finally adopted light bulbs instead of burning torches.

“Ichimaru Gin, returning from Fegefeuer, on orders.” I showed the letter and they waved me through. I let my senses expand, to put on the landscape like a cloak the way Kapitän Hartmann taught us. Almost immediately I sensed him.

_There you are._

With a grin and a bounce in my step, I flash-stepped to my home in Rukongai. I had to freshen up before I headed to the corner.

_There you'll be._

 


	37. 37.

We wore each other out with our night-long reunion. He fell asleep before I did, and I spent the remainder of the time musing over his insistence on keeping Kai Mizuki.

She could not possibly be that obtuse; all of Seireitei knew I was sleeping with my captain on a regular basis. People gossip. Then there had been the entire Ran fiasco. I ran my hand along his trim waist and he turned towards me with a satisfied hum.

_Is she really that dim or is she in denial?_

Aizen-sama's arm curled over my body. I snuggled closer to his muskiness, relaxing against the soft rumble of his breathing. Despite all his flaws, I loved him deeply.

_How can I find out?_

xxxxx

“What do you mean there are few captains and lieutenants left?” I asked Ono the next day.

She lowered her voice. “They somehow acquired hollow powers. The second division locked them into the detention facility, but they escaped – and blew up the entire island.”

“No shit.”

xxxxx

That would explain why Kurosawa came to me to ask if I'd like a promotion to lieutenant. But I remembered his reaction that one panicked night, so long ago, and I decided I would rather eat my skin off with my own teeth than work in his division.

However Aizen-sama heard about it and was annoyed. “He tried to poach you from my division?”

“He offered lieutenant,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“And how did you reply?”

“I haven't,” I said, secretly thrilled. “I'm thinking about it.”

He fumed. “Reject him outright.”

“I thought I'd consider his offer.”

He grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him. “Reject his offer.”

“I'll think about it.”

“Reject. His. Offer.” There was real fury behind the spectacles. He had changed the frames, I noticed; now he wore black-framed glasses instead of his wire-rimmed ones. “You will not go to him.”

He wasn't the only one who could be intense. “I said, I'll think about it. Now let go.” I shook free of his grip. “You are not the boss of me, Aizen-sama.”

“Fine.” Aizen-sama swept past me. “I won't bother you then.”

There was something he wasn't sharing with me; a worry perhaps, or a problem that had no easy solution. I frowned, but relaxed. I had my fail-safe ways to worm the truth from him.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama disappeared from Seireitei that evening. Usually I could sense his presence, but now it was lost.

Akagi and Ono disappeared three days later. No one sent out search parties, because all available personnel were searching for the vizards.

Tousen told me secretly that Aizen-sama had been doing so regularly for the past two years, and that he had become more withdrawn since I was transferred.

I was worried but not panicked.

_He can take care of himself._

xxxxx

The fourth morning I was surprised by an unexpected visitor.

“Kai-san.” I opened my door, blinking my sleepiness away. I was staying in the division quarters after kicking the current inhabitant out. He hadn't dared to complain: he knew of my standing in the fifth.

Mizuki looked regal, her dark hair a river of ink that curled delicately at the ends. She bowed slightly. “May I come in?”

“Uh, certainly. I'm sorry I forgot my manners.” I waved her in and then flopped into an armchair. Ten years in Germany had weaned me off Japanese furniture. “What is this visit about?

Kai glanced about, trying to figure out where to sit and then decided to stand. “I came because... because Aizen-sempai asked me to perform a certain task for him.”

“Oh?”

“He asked...” This was a difficult task, apparently; she was having trouble forming words, “he asked that I persuade you to stay in the fifth division.”

“Ah.” I smiled to myself. _This is your response to my demand? I have to do the work myself then._ “So, Kai-san, I take it that he is nowhere in Soul Society?”

“He left four evenings ago after paying me a visit. He said there was something he had to attend to, and inquired if I would try to... try to persuade you to reject Kurosawa-taichou's offer of a lieutenant post.”

“I see.” I sank lower in my chair. “So, Kai-san... persuade me.”

She looked at everywhere except at me. “What do you want me to do?”

 _I thought it obvious._ With a grin I leaned my cheek on one fist. “How low can you go?”

Kai Mizuki's gaze jerked up. From the flare of embarrassed rage I knew she understood.

I also knew he would have liked to watch as she licked the lips and the pink flush stole over her nose and cheeks. “As low as necessary.”

“Good.” I grinned maliciously. “Close the door, and we'll find out how much persuading I'll need.”

xxxxx

She bit back her tears with our first kiss. I licked up the salty, damp trail and whispered, “Why the tears, Kai-san?” Mizuki was silent. I twisted my fingers into the soft flesh between her legs and she gasped. I hissed again, “Answer me.”

“It makes no difference.” She turned away from me, as far as her restraints allowed.

“I'm curious,” I said and removed myself from her. “How does it feel to have my skin rubbing against yours? What's it like to be my – what's the word – whore?”

“You're a snake, coiled about my neck and crushing all dignity and life from me. You repulse me, Ichimaru,” she spat out, but still somehow elegant despite her compromising position beneath me. I understood why Aizen-sama liked her: she had poise.

I smiled wider, then undid her bonds. “You're free to go. I'll switch to Kurosawa's tomorrow.”

“I won't go until I'm certain you won't leave the fifth.”

'That's admirable... and incredibly dumb.” I sat behind her and pulled her into my naked lap. She shuddered. “Why so dedicated, Mizuki, hmm?”

“Because he assigned me this task.”

“And you hold to it despite we just did?” My left hand snaked over her shoulder and gripped a breast, hard, and my other hand slid between her legs. She stopped moving, a stone statue in my arms. I pushed my tongue into her right ear and she twisted away. “Why, Mizuki?”

“Because I love him,” she said fiercely. “He has never asked anything else of me. And I'll die before I disappoint him.”

Incensed, I tightened my embrace. “You do know about him and me, don't you?”

“Yes,” she breathed, her inhalations jerky and short. “I'd known from the day... the day he told Tousen to punish you.”

I was stunned. “Then why are you still devoted to him? He's cheating on you, Mizuki, with a man. With me. And now he sent you to me.”

She tore free of my grasp. “I told you, I love him. Sempai... I can't stop loving him, even with all he's... all he's done. I can't reveal – can't tell anyone... but I love him.”

I pinned her to the bed. “He doesn't love you,” I snarled.

“I know, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.” She was shaking. “He loves no one, not even himself. That's why... that's why I love him so much. That's why _you_ love him so much.”

“ _He loves me_ ,” I snapped. “You have no idea what we do together, bitch.”

Mizuki closed her eyes and sniffed. “He doesn't love anyone, Ichimaru. But I know he wants you, and so I will try to ensure you stay.”

“You want to try? Fine. Then I'll show you exactly what he does when we're together.” I stood up and yanked her to her feet. “Get dressed.”

 


	38. 38.

She kept pace with me as we entered the mansion he gave me. With a practiced motion I hurled her against the wooden door.

“We fucked once, against this very door. We couldn't even wait to get inside.” I rammed her by her shoulders into the wall. Her eyes, large and dark, were inscrutable. “I was pinned here with his reiatsu, and he was touching me with nothing more than his gaze. He made me beg, here, where you stand now, before he took me.”

Then, locking a grip about her wrist I pulled her along the corridor and showed her the sword room. “Here,” I said quietly, “is where we spar. And at first, if I couldn't hurt him – cut him or bruise him, anything – he would punish me. I had to kneel on the back of blades placed in rows for an hour. And then, after I'd achieved shikai, I'd kneel naked, and watch him watch me. Watch as he drew the image down and file them away. Do you know how badly the back of a blade can cut?”

She shook her head. I smiled crookedly. “On some nights, while kneeling on the blades, I had to serve him. If I dared to utter any sound of pain, he would double the punishment. That's your sempai, Mizuki.”

Then, tugging her along we went into the bedroom. It was pristine white, exactly as we left it. “This is where we fuck regularly.” She tried to pry my fingers off, but my grip was too tight. I swept her into my arms and pressed a kiss to her lips. She bit me and I licked the blood pooling at my lip. “If he was feeling happy, or pleased, he'd do this. And then I'd be enjoying long caresses and gentle lovemaking again and again and again. If he was feeling angry, or if he was displeased-” I threw her onto the bed and I cast off my own clothes. “I learned to please him in his darkest nights. He would take me raw, no preparation, no warning. Just sex, and sometimes -” I reached for a box we kept near the pillows “-sometimes he'd employ tricks to keep things interesting.”

I pulled out a gag and silenced her. The contents glinted with meticulous shine, but I closed the box. Flipping her over I murmured into her ear. “Perhaps you could learn to empathize. You're gonna feel what I felt then... and maybe you'll like it.”

I entered her, thrusting as violently as I could. She screamed with the unexpected pain rippling through her body, but I shushed her. “He hates it when I scream.” My nails tore into her smooth skin. “And if I didn't reciprocate the way he liked, he'd just keep driving into me until I did.” I exited from her body, and was detachedly noting how she was trembling and crying. Tearing away the gag I carried her and headed out.

On the way to the bathroom I nodded at the garden. “That flat black rock in the center there, that's where we stargaze. Or, he stargazes and I Aizen-gaze. It's not all sex.”

We entered the bathroom. It was dark, and a large glassy surface drew her attention.

“See the mirror? We installed that, just weeks before I left for Fegefeuer.” She was slack in my arms, and I grinned to see the tear stains on her cheeks. “Guess what we did.”

“He fucked you like the bitch you are?”

“Language, language,” I chuckled mirthlessly. “I got to screw him first. Here, with him looking into my eyes via our reflections. Have you the slightest idea how beautiful he looks when he's playing submissive, hmm? Aizen-sama rolled his head back, like this-” I yanked her head back by her hair “and he moaned when I did something with my hands, which I can't show you since you're a girl-” my fingers rubbed along her folds “and when I finally pushed into him he grabbed the back of my thighs until I had exploded in him and his come was over my hands and wrists.”

She closed her eyes. I knew she was unwilling to picture the scene, so I went into more descriptive detail. “And I licked him here, and here, and when I came I bit him here until I tasted blood.”

Mizuki cried out when I sank my teeth in. I kissed the bloodied spot. “Then he turned over and had me beneath him, on the ground, like this.” Her eyes were still screwed shut. “He rode me until I couldn't. Then he fucked me until I blacked out. Right here, before this mirror. Our Aizen Sousuke was submissive to _me_. Was he ever submissive to you? Oh wait – he doesn't love you.”

“He doesn't love you either,” she snapped.

“At least he loves me more than he loves you.”

She threw her head back and laughed, her dark hair tossing over her shoulders. I kissed her to shut her up. She pulled away. Her breath coming in short bursts, she laughed bitterly again. “He loves no one, weren't you listening?”

“But I love him,” I snarled. I paused, remembering what she had said earlier. Then I withdrew, my own heartbeat racing. “As do you.”

“Yes.” She struggled to a sitting position. Wiping her tears away with the back of her hand she suddenly looked younger than I was, and very vulnerable. Again I was struck by the understanding of why Aizen-sama would keep her.

“I don't want you around him.” I brushed the hair from my eyes. “He's mine.”

“He's nobody's,” she retorted. “I learned to turn a blind eye.”

I grinned wolfishly. “I hate sharing.”

“Even with someone who loves him as much as you do?”

“He's cruel, temperamental, tyrannical, demanding and selfish. You love a man like that?”

“Yes.” Her gaze was firm. “Because you and I both know he's much more than that.”

A genuine smile grew on my face. “Yes. He is much more than that. But that is my request, Mizuki. You want to accomplish the task he assigned you, then you leave him.”

She looked away. “He won't like that.”

“No,” I agreed. “So you'll find a way for him to leave you, and then I'll stay by his side until he kills me.”

She swallowed. “You know what he'll do to me. How can I be sure that you'll do as you say?”

“You know he taught us to honor promises,” I said. She nodded. “And so I promise you that I will be his to the day I die.”

“Take care of him, Ichimaru,” she murmured softly.

I then sat beside her. “I'm sorry that I hurt you just now.”

“You know we're used to it by now,” she said, then leaned on my shoulder. “Because he likes it that way.”

Moved by our newfound camaraderie, I kissed her forehead. She sniffled and curled into my neck, then she began crying in earnest. “I don't want to leave,” she pleaded.

“Shh...” I smoothed down her tangled hair. “He will make it a quick break, you know that.”

As I soothed her we started kissing again, gentler, friendlier. As we slowly sank to the hard, cold tiles I realized this was the first time in a decade I bedded a woman.

It wasn't unpleasant.

 


	39. 39.

“So how is he?" I asked the moment she left the hospital.

"Third and fourth degree cero burns," Mizuki answered. She shook her head. "He looks so... reduced. All those tubes and bandages..."

"But he'll be fine?"

She nodded. "Yes. Unohana-taichou's really good at healing burns."

I heaved a sigh of relief. We walked together to the Rukongai house, separated by five paces between us. A few shinigami cast puzzled looks at both of us: Aizen-sama's woman and Aizen-sama's man.

When we reached the house she knelt primly on the floor. "I suppose you attended the funerals yesterday."

"I did."

"And now Aizen-senpai is offering the lieutenant post to you," she noted. "Will you take it and be satisfied?"

I smiled. "Of course. After all the trouble he went through? I have to be made of stone to reject it."

We sat in heavy silence for a while. Then the corners of her mouth quirked slightly. "That post should have been mine."

I shrugged. "It was yours until I turned up."

She scoffed softly. "I know we should be... I don't know, commiserating or bonding, but I can't help being envious."

I relaxed into a sprawl.

"I've been with him since before I graduated, but all I get to love is a shadow. His shadow. And you just waltz in and took over - you get to love the man he is." Mizuki's fingers locked together. "All those things you said he did to you - he never did them to me."

"You're a lucky girl then," I remarked.

"He didn't do them to me," she explained, "because he didn't care enough to hurt me. I wish he gave enough of a damn to hurt me, to let me see who he really is. All I know is what I inferred... never from his mouth."

I cocked my head. "Do you really think that he hurts me because he cares?"

She regarded me coolly. "I do."

I got up. With a courtly hand extended I helped her to her feet. "I can show you how he cares."

Mizuki and I locked gazes. There was no sign of animosity, but neither was there anything beyond calm understanding. Then she bowed her head and followed me into the bedroom.

xxxxx

The collar fitted like paint. I looped a finger through the link and pulled lightly. She followed, a little reluctantly, but without complaint.

“Why aren't you looking at me?” I asked as I walked backwards, having memorized the layout of the bedroom long ago.

She replied in a flat tone, “Because when I look at you I am disgusted by myself.”

I chuckled. “We do have blindfolds. You can pretend.”

She shuddered as my hands moved over her flat stomach. “I would appreciate one.”

I slipped it over her head and breathed into her ear. “You know you can't fool your body.”

“Why not? I've been fooling myself for decades,” she retorted offhandedly.

I grinned, then yanked her forward until she collided into my body. “He loves the collar, especially after we lost the chain. He'd bite the ring and drag me to the bed.” I swiveled about and shoved her into the wall. “Or slam me into the wall, depending on his mood. And then he'd pin my hands above my head...”

The explanation stretched on. She did not struggle at all throughout my demonstration, but took everything I handed out with almost Zen-like tranquility.

I lost the mood but endeavored. After all, I owed it to the lady.

xxxxx

We had dinner together. For a noble of the Kai house Mizuki was quite a good cook.

“He likes his steaks rare,” she confided. “You need to pair it with the proper wine though.”

“He has plenty in his room,” I said as I kept the dishes. “And generally I let him decide what wine to drink for the night.”

“Mm-hmm. He likes the reds.” She washed up the pots neatly. I dried them and hung them in order on the rack for drying.

I concurred. “That he does.”

She wiped her hands dry and winced. Gently I took them in my own. She tried to draw her hands back but I held them firmly. “Where do they hurt?”

“Wrists. The bonds were too tight.”

“You should have said,” I half-scolded as I massaged the sore joints. She remained impassive. I exhaled, aware that whatever I did would never create a bond between us.

She shook her hands free the second my grip lessened. “There's dessert if you want it.”

xxxxx

Seemingly disinterested, she leaned back against the pillar. I took the morsel from her plate and ate it.

“Penny for ya thoughts,” I drawled lazily.

She half-smiled. “He's not even going to have one last night with me.”

I pursed my lips. Then I shrugged. “No he ain't.”

She giggled softly. “Why the slang, Ichimaru?” The laughter was in her words only; her eyes, her face, her hands... all showed a great weariness.

“It brightens ya up like th' sun, eh?”

Her smile was tired, and it flitted away in seconds. As her eyelids fluttered close she muttered, “Only he can be the sun in my life, Ichimaru. Only Aizen-sama.”

I got to my feet and sauntered away, unwilling to be privy to the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. I hate stories with sad endings.

 


	40. 40.

The approach to burying shinigami in Soul Society varied from the formal to the messy. Most often, unseated officers get their names carved on one of the humongous slabs, their bodies broken down into reishi bits instead. They called the slabs remembrance pillars.

Ironic, since nobody remembered those whose names had been carved into the mirror-smooth surface.

I scanned the names on the seventh slab, wondering who they were, thinking how their lives might have been different.

Could they have become captains?

Were they ambitious?

Did they trust others with their lives and their hearts?

Could they have been powerful, virile, intelligent?

Were they honest?

Did they regret taking the path of the shinigami?

Had here been any of Aizen-sama's caliber that had perished due to a twist in fate, due to a roll of the dice, fallen to the game of destiny?

At least I knew my name would never be on these ignominous slabs of stone, where only people like me would come by to ponder the inconsequentialities of life and death.

A seated officer got a proper funeral. A captain would receive a full ceremony, drawn out over three to four days. Idly I wondered how long Yamamoto's funeral ceremony would last.

Probably a week and a half.

To my surprise I was not the only one wandering about the remembrance pillars. Another white-haired figure was walking along the rows, placing little flowers at each tall pillar. He was only three pillars behind me.

“Ukitake-taichou,” I greeted cordially.

He glanced up, startled. “Ichimaru-san. I'm sorry I didn't notice you. Have you been here long?”

“Just been here an hour,” I said with a respectful smile. The thirteenth captain naturally inspired confidence and trust. “Do you come here often?”

“Every two months I find a day to pay my respects,” he said, brushing hair behind his ears. He ran a hand over a time-eroded name. “There are so many of them... and more added every day.”

I waited as he placed another bunch of flowers at the next pillar. “Do you remember each of them, Ukitake-taichou?”

“Most of the recent ones. The memory of their faces fades after the first century of two, but I make it a point to at least come and try to recall. I've managed to remember the faces of those who were from my squad, at least.”

We walked together now. He sometimes pointed out a name, and told me an amusing incident that happened to that shinigami; occasionally he would pause with a pensive look, but would shake it off almost immediately.

At the end of the twenty-nine pillars I screwed up my courage. “Ukitake-taichou,” I asked timidly, “h-how is Matsumoto?”

“Rangiku is fine,” he said without making eye contact. He smiled sadly and sighed. “Do you know why I never once blamed you or Sousuke for that incident?”

I shook my head. He half-smiled. “Even Shunsui doesn't know this,” he confided softly, “but I've committed the same mistake before.”

“No way,” I blurted, then apologized. “I mean... it's not possible.”

“I'm no saint, Ichimaru. I was once a confused youngster... back when dragons roamed the earth.” He chuckled, and I marveled inwardly that he sounded exactly like Aizen-sama. But where my dark-haired captain excited and ignited me, Ukitake-taichou was a soothing presence... like water washing over the soul. He went on. “I almost married a girl. But we divorced after a year. In those days that was taboo.”

“But you did so anyway.”

He chuckled again. “Because I fell in love with an inveterate slacker. And I fell hard. He never knew why I split with Sasara back then. But I wanted to have some space away from Shunsui. I had thought I was a freak... Sasara never forgave me, but Rangiku is far more gracious than Sasara was.”

“You mean...”

“I mean,” his demeanor suddenly serious, “she has accepted that you are genuinely in love with Sousuke, that you love her as much as you can possibly love a woman, and she will be able to move on once you affirm that fact.”

“I will, sir,” I assured him. Ukitake-taichou only nodded with a gentle smile and then turned down the alley.

_No wonder Soul Society loves him. No wonder Kyoraku worships him._

_If I didn't prefer flame to water, I would have followed him instead._

xxxxx

As I left the pillars of remembrance I stopped by shops in the 30th district of Rukongai. Karl had asked me to send him something uniquely Japanese.

He had been fascinated by my yukata, I recalled, and as I was browsing I caught sight of a black-haired girl, no taller than my waist, peering into the shop. Evidently she was amazed at seeing a shinigami – perhaps I was the first she ever saw. I smiled encouragingly at the girl and she suddenly ducked her head away.

I shrugged and paid for a deep green yukata that was accented with small white squares along the hem and sleeves.

As I left I noticed the girl was still nearby. She peeped out of the dark corner of the alley, clearly afraid but still hypnotized by my attire. I tilted my head and beckoned her forward.

She hesitated, then shuffled out of hiding. To my surprise she had a hunched back – no, a bundle on her back.

“Hello. I'm Gin. Who are you?”

“I... I am Hisana, sir,” she replied. The girl had a sweet voice, oddly low but still very feminine.

I pointed to the bundle on her back. “Your possessions?”

“Oh, no, that's my baby sister,” she hastily corrected my assumption. Then she added a 'sir' to the end of her statement.

I waved the formality off. “A baby sister? It must be hard on you; I had only myself to take care of and it had been an uphill struggle.”

Hisana smiled briefly, but I recognized the strain behind it. “I've m-managed thus far, sir.”

“And I'm sure you'll go on managing,” I said and patted her shoulder. Then I dug out a handful of silvers. “Here.”

“I-I-I can't accept this, sir,” she pushed my hand away.

I laughed. “It's not a gift. You have to do something for me.”

She looked at the silvers, then bit her upper lip. No doubt many such offers had come her way before. “What do I have to do?”

“I need you,” I said, hunkering down to meet her eyes, “to find me an umbrella that goes with this yukata.”

She smiled disarmingly. Then she furrowed her brows. “How would I pass it to you when I find it?”

“I'll be here three days from now. That amount should be enough for the umbrella and the change is your payment. That alright with you?”

“Sure!” she replied. The baby behind her squirmed. As Hisana jiggled and coaxed the baby back to sleep, I realized the infant exuded a fair bit of reiatsu.

I reached out to stroke the downy head. Suddenly the baby girl began bawling. I snatched my hand away. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to agitate her,” I apologized.

“”It's not you, sir,” Hisana reassured me swiftly. “It's just... she gets hungry really easily. I don't know why, I haven't eaten a morsel since I got here and even now I feel only thirst but no hunger.”

I watched as Hisana rocked her sister soothingly. In my heart I felt bad for the infant; soon Hisana would not be able to take the pressure of having to feed her again and again and again and again. But I said nothing other than a goodbye as I left to return to Seireitei.

 _I won't collect the umbrella_ , I decided. _Let her have the money and the gift._

xxxxx

After I bathed and changed I was having second thoughts. It was almost a month since I visited him, since he went into Hueco Mundo – I knew that was where he was, despite hearing how he got injured avenging Akagi and Ono's deaths. Was he displeased with my absence?

I slowed as I approached his house. The heavy wooden doors were unbarred. It was not to welcome me, I knew, but because he feared no trespasser. But then again who dared to enter a captain's sanctuary without invitation?

_Me. Because I'm an idiot._

Taking a deep breath I headed inside, taking the path I knew would lead to his bedroom.

He was there, sitting on the floor, folding laundry.

Of all the things I expected to see, this was not it. I usually saw him reading – one of my favorite fantasies revolved around this habit of his – or perhaps writing calligraphy.

Not folding laundry.

But as the afternoon sun glinted on the hidden highlights in his hair and the velvet skin on his face, I also realized that Aizen-sama folding clothes and sheets was one of the most romantic scenes I had ever had the fortune to witness.

But I still treasured my fantasy. Perhaps I could persuade him to fulfill it

xxxxx

xxxxx

_He is standing at the stacks, looking for a title._

“ _Can I help you, Aizen-taichou?”_

“ _Hmm?” he turns around with a distracted smile. “I'm looking for Aristotle's works. Do you have the Corpus Aristotelicum?”_

_I incline my head. “It's under the treatises section, Aizen-taichou.”_

“ _Thank you.” As he brushes past me I smell his scent dusting across my nose. It is a masculine scent, and I am abashed to find myself responding to it._

It's just a fragrance he wears _, I chide myself. But as I follow his passage I realize it is not a fragrance he wears but his actual scent. My left knee buckles for an instant as I wonder if the scent will be amplified during sex. Sternly I shake myself out of the daydream._

“ _Is this the correct section?” he asks politely. I smile hastily, a little guilty that I have been fantasizing about him. As I push past his body on the way to the inside of the aisle I suddenly discover how cramped the space is, how far from the main library counter._

_Aizen-taichou angles his broad chest so I can move to the other side of him. As he prepares to exit the aisle I stop him. “Uh, I-I will need you to hold the stepladder steady, sir.”_

“ _Oh. Alright.”_

 _I climb up steadily, trying to locate Jacob Abbot's book. It is just a little beyond my reach. I do not wish to trouble Aizen-taichou and surreptitiously shifts my weight._ If I can stretch just that little bit further - whoa!

_My foot slips; I fall and crash – into a pair of strong arms._

“ _I've got you,” he says, concern written all over his face. “Are you all right?”_

 _My heart is racing. I am unsure if it is due to the fall or due to his proximity. The first phrase that comes to my mind is not thank you; instead, I blurt, “Will you be my_ erastes _?”_

_His brows lift. “You know of the relationship?”_

_I gulp, suddenly unable to move my limbs. He smiles and leans close. “I will be honored. But which role are you asking for: aites or parastatheis?”_

“ _Both, sir; I want to be both a listener and a fighter by your side.” I know I am trembling; he tightens his hold. “I want to learn from you.”_

“ _I may not be a good erastes,” he warns as his lips move closer. “We will learn enkrateia together.”_

_I breathe in, now completely entranced by the fragrance of this man, my hands looping about his shoulders. “We will.”_

xxxxx

xxxxx

He looked up from his folding. “Hello.”

I smiled, slightly guilty that I had been fantasizing. “Hello.”

 

 

 


	41. 41.

If Aizen-sama had a flaw, it was that he tended to be enigmatic.

I woke in the middle of the night, and he was gone. The sheets on his side of the bed smelled like him still, and I buried myself in the linen. There was still some blood crusted on the sheets; he would burn them rather than wash it.

I looked at my arm and thigh. The cuts had been healed. I sighed; I would have liked to keep some as mementos, but the man liked his skin flawless.

He liked everything flawless.

Knowing that I wouldn't be able to sleep, I got up and stretched. My bones creaked; he must really have missed me to have been that rough. He needed his regular dispensation of violence, his catharsis, and most often I was the one receiving it.

Then again, he needed it, because I needed it. Gentle hands and lips were good, but whenever he gripped me so hard it left bruises, when his teeth sank through skin, into muscles and drew blood... I was the most awake in those moments.

“Gods, Gin... still that fucking dramatic streak in ya, ya street rat?” I drawled to myself. I ran a hand through my hair. Silver hair that clung to damp skin, to damn near everything.

All my lovers – those in Rukongai, Ran, Aizen-sama, Karl – they loved the silver hair. They might be tough on other parts of me, but they were all gentle with my hair. 

xxxxx

xxxxx

“You're always so gentle, Karl,” I muttered as he came with a grunt and a sigh. “No one will believe me if I told them.”

“I'll bloody kill you if you do,” he growled in that delightful bear-rumble. I kissed his stubbly cheek and he growled again. I loved that rumble that started near his diaphragm and ended as a threatening one-note in my ear.

His large hand pulled me close and I snuggled against his shoulder. As we rested I asked, “What will you do when I leave for home?”

“It's not going to happen yet, is it? So it's fine. We won't worry about that yet.” He played with a lock of my hair now that I had let it grow out. “Your hair is a river of moonbeams, my love. It is a stream of mercury rippling in the light, my little quicksilver death reaper baby –”

“Karl?” I kissed his shoulder and grumped, “You know what I said about pet names.”

He rolled his eyes and embraced me. “Fine. No names that involve speed – or size – unless it's complimentary.”

“So, Baby Bear,” I chuckled as he growled a protest at my tit-for-tat. “Ready for another round?”

“Not till you change the nickname,” Karl rolled on top of me, his muscles rippling and bulging. I flattened my palms over them, loving how he shuddered with the contact.

As he kissed me I murmured, “How about Papa Bear?”

“Much better.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

Later in the day he came back, looking satisfied with himself.

“I'm glad you're back,” I said and got up from my table in the corner. He had installed me into his office as lieutenant a scant two days ago and already I felt like I was at home.

He sat down in his chair, took the folders I passed him, and said, “Mizuki's warded now. Intensive care.”

_You did it. You really did it. But... why didn't you just kill her?_

He looked up and sighed. “I'm going to be quite busy, Gin. Plenty of paperwork piled up in my absence. Go see to whatever work you have to see to.”

I smiled and bowed as I exited the room.

_Fuck you Mizuki, you were supposed to die!_

xxxxx

She was resting in a private ward.

“Why didn't he just finish it, Ichimaru?” she asked the second I stepped in.

I exhaled heavily, then smiled. “Lucky you. He gives a damn.”

“He doesn't. Didn't.” Her eyes were downcast. “He didn't care enough to finish the job. He was done.”

“And so here you are, healing nicely, your ribs knitting together.” I moved her long hair from her face to the side of her head. “Why do you think he didn't?”

She shut her eyes, her long lashes shadowing her alabaster cheeks. “Because he knows.”

“He knows.” I looked at the door. Aizen-sama was walking in, a gentle, steadfast smile gracing his lips. “And he is very, very unhappy.”

I got up. “And why are you unhappy, taichou?”

He lounged against the wall. “Because I will not stand being a pawn, Gin, Mizuki. I refuse to be played.”

I shook my head, a little amused. “No one here is playing you, taichou.” Mizuki was shifting in the bed and I stopped her. “We just came to an agreement.”

“An agreement that used me as the stakes,” he said even more politely.

I felt his reiatsu wash over us, only a hint of his actual strength. I swallowed and smiled wider. “What would you have us do then, taichou? Damage each other until you can use neither of us? Because that,” I glanced down at Mizuki, who was staring at Aizen-sama. I went on. “I can do.”

I placed my hand over her mouth and nose. Her gaze turned back to me and I smiled down at her. She understood.

_He didn't give a damn. I do._

Aizen-sama merely watched, then said, “Let go, Gin.”

I could feel her pulse slowing. Her hands that were gripping the edge of the blanket relaxed. I didn't look at Aizen-sama. “But it'll be over soon.”

“Let go, Gin,” he ordered again. “I'll see you back at the office.”

I let go. “Fine. See you later, taichou. And maybe you, Mizuki.”

She gasped as my hand left her mouth. Bending down I kissed her on her forehead, and murmured, “Told you he gives a damn. Bye.”

 


	42. 42.

I stormed back to the division quarters, aware that I was extremely furious with Aizen-sama.

For the very first time in our association I wanted to break it off with him. But I shook myself: no matter how much anger he provoked, he was still the only person who could give me what I wanted. All the others... they could never give me my heart's desire.

After changing out of the uniform I opened a large bottle of sake, vaguely aware that it was his, and poured myself a liberal amount. He would be annoyed that I had drunk his sake, but frankly I didn't give half a damn.

He returned about twenty minutes later. He didn't say a word, merely changed into his gray-blue yukata. Then he sat beside me, waiting for me to acknowledge him.

In a huff I turned away and went on drinking, this time from the bottle itself. The sake was good sake, easing its way into my gut, warming me up from the inside. It was a good counter to the coldness I felt against him.

With a long, drawn-out sigh he moved up behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I shook him off irritably but his arms looped about my waist. I fought against the embrace but he was firm and soon had my back pressed against his chest. I decided to sulk instead.

He didn't fall for it, of course. “I know I deserve the silent treatment, Gin, but don't you want to know whether I had killed Mizuki?”

“You didn't,” I said flatly. “Let go of me.”

“Not on my life,” he nuzzled into my ear. He squeezed me closer and I batted ineffectually at his arms with my free hand. “Come on, Gin. You know I love to see you smile.”

“Then you can wait until I'm happy,” I snapped.

“You're angry because I didn't kill her.” He rocked me lightly. “She cannot be killed, Gin.”

“Of course she can. I almost did until you stopped me.”

“No, I meant,” he explained calmly, his hands now slipping into the opening of my own gray yukata and caressing my stomach, “if we kill her, the soutaichou will get very involved. We'd be dead before sunrise.”

I sipped at the sake, unwilling to admit he was right. _Fucking damn. Never thought about that. Is that why he's kept her hanging around for so long?_

“But you hurt her nonetheless,” I accused.

“Wasn't that what you wanted me to do? Break it off with her?” he chuckled and his lips brushed my ear. “Wasn't that in your agreement? You take the lieutenant job, she leaves me forever?”

“And that's another thing,” I said, now sitting up and facing him. I set the sake bottle down heavily. “How the hell did you know?”

“You didn't visit me at the hospital. Mizuki did, every day.”

_Huh? What the who again?_

I scoffed. “I hate hospitals, you know that.”

“Yes, but I was so badly burnt, you would have torn the place apart to find me if you didn't have someone telling you my actual condition,” he said. “Mizuki told you everything. That's why you didn't have to find out for yourself.”

I was speechless for a long beat. “You're a monster,” I said at last. “How can you possibly analyze that far? How is it possible you can – ugh! Can I ever, ever surprise you?”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Maybe. One of these days, perhaps.”

I rolled my eyes and then settled against his chest again. Oddly, I felt better. _Why can he defuse my moods so easily?_

_What is it about this man that brings out the best and the worst in me?_

He stroked my hair and hummed a little tune as I resumed drinking. “You have a pleasant voice, Aizen-sama,” I complimented.

“Thanks.” He kissed my cheek. “I take good care of it.”

“What do you want, Aizen-sama?” I asked, suddenly curious.

I felt him smile into my neck. “There are many things I want, Gin, but I've learned to identify my needs.”

“So what are they?” I pressed on. _It must be the sake talking. I usually ain't this pushy._

_Man, it's really fuckin' good sake._

He paused. His hands stilled. “I need to know.”

“Know what?”

“Know everything. That is my gift and my curse, I suppose, because needing to know has led me to some truly... interesting conclusions about our existence.”

“Okay. I've been having too much wine for your words to make sense,” I slurred. Then I recalled that it was _his_ sake. “Don't you want some?”

“No,” he said. “Go ahead and drink it all.”

“I'm already drunk. I'll get even drunker,” I warned. “I'll pass out.”

He chuckled before leering softly, “Go ahead. In fact, get extremely drunk and pass out so that I can have my way with you.”

I smiled lopsidedly. “You don't need me drunk for that.”

“No, I don't, but it's more interesting for me.” He kissed me on my cheek again. “Go on, Gin. I promise I'll be very gentle.”

I grinned wickedly and downed the rest of the bottle.

xxxxx

I woke with a splitting headache, as expected.

And as expected, he was already up. “Wow. Breakfast in bed?”

He smiled and set the tray on the table in the room. “You wish. Brush your teeth, wash your face and get over here.”

“Headache,” I whined. “Hungover. Hungry. Tired. Sore.”

Aizen-sama snorted but came over to me anyway. I smiled blearily. As he placed his fingers on my throbbing temples I whispered, “Yay. I win.”

“For now,” he scolded. His fingers rolled steadily and I felt the headache easing away. He passed a glass of juice over. “Here. Helps you to detox faster.”

I drank up obediently, but protested when he wanted to pull me out of bed. “I didn't get to cuddle last night.”

“What's with you?” he chuckled again. “You're all – mmm. Stop it. It's morning already. We have to get to work. I've a captain's meeting – Gin, stop it.”

I continued stroking firmly. “We can be a little late.”

“What happened to sore and tired and hungry?” he chided, but left my hands to get on with their important work. His eyelids fluttered close.

I sat up gingerly. “That don't matter to me none,” I drawled lazily. Then I nodded at the bedside clock. “The longer you deny my hunger, the later we'll be for work.”

“I can't win this, can I?” he asked rhetorically as he removed the yukata's belt at my waist. “I'm just glad I breakfast naked.”

“I'm very glad of that too,” I murmured as we sank back into the mattress.

 

 


	43. 43.

The decade came and went. A war began, and ended, and began anew. Tens of thousands of souls flooded into Societies across the European continent. Many were sent to other societies, simply because the one in their homeland couldn't hold that many.

Wars sickened all shinigami.

The endless fighting and purifying... There were times we spent days on a battlefield, mingled with the shinigami of other lands, just numbly purifying all hollows and pluses we came across.

Perhaps because of the many horrors on the battlefields, but few bothered with maintaining law and order in Seireitei for the intervening years.

Mizuki recovered and was put to work as inter-society liaison, which happily put her far from me and from Aizen-sama. The news of her ordeal, surprisingly, didn't get as far as her great-granduncle. I suspected my captain had something to do with the hush-up, but I had no proof.

I needed no proof anyway. I didn't want him in trouble over my little insistence. Every day I woke to his awesome breakfasts, and every night I fell asleep to his steady heartbeat. It was all I wanted, really. Not to be loved, not to be needed.

Ran never forgot the hell I put her through. But at least she had her Ukitake-taichou to rely on, until one day she was transferred to Kurosawa's division. Half of Seireitei could hear the roar of protest from the bearded and mustached captain, and then the sudden silence following that. If I knew Ran, she had used her splendid figure to shut the man up once and for all, because after that they worked very well together.

Las Noches was rebuilt, finally, to Aizen-sama's specifications. He had not allowed me to return to Hueco Mundo, however, and I often wondered what the new place now looked like. Aizen-sama stepped up his experimentation, using the war as a cover. I never figured out who was taking down notes, because Aizen-sama was never there when these hollows attack.

Kuchiki Byakuya became sixth division lieutenant in the decade too, working under his father's watchful eye. The princeling still had to yet to smile even once in the long years since I'd known him, and privately I wondered if he was still a virgin, and if that was the reason he was so repressed.

xxxxx

xxxxx

The hell butterfly that came to my desk came from Aizen-sama, which was surprising. _He can't tell me face-to-face later?_

The butterfly fluttered to my extended finger and I frowned at its terse message.

_'Ichimaru Gin. Enclosed is a two-way pass to Fegefeuer. Report to the inter-society gates at 1040 exact. I'll brief you more fully there. Pack your gigai and other necessities. Do NOT argue, delay or question. There is no time. - Aizen Sousuke.'_

“There is no time? What's he up to now?” I took a look at the clock and hurried out, aware that there was only twenty-five minutes left to pack.

xxxxx

“Kapitän Hartmann insisted the team wait for you,” he said the second he arrived. He looked sterner than usual. “He'll tell you more details when he sees you, but you must be there. You brought your gigai? Good. We'll have more ready to be sent over if needed.”

“Wait – what's going on? Where am I going?”

“Fegefeuer. The captain is waiting for you.” Aizen-sama pushed me forward. At the gate he gripped my shoulders as the coordinates were calibrated. “Listen, Gin. This once, don't think about me. Don't rush home. Stay there – until he no longer needs you with him.”

“What? Who?” I was thoroughly confused. “The captain?”

“Go. Now.” Aizen-sama squeezed my shoulders and pushed me through the gates with my luggage.

I took one glance behind me and then, a sudden chill wrapping around my gut, I began racing through the passage.

_Wait for me._

 


	44. 44.

It was raining in Fegefeuer.

“What is the current situation, sir?” I asked.

He passed me a brown folder and I opened it. As I scanned through the file my blood ran cold. “They are traitors?”

“Misguided sympathizers.” Kapitän Hartmann chewed on his upper lip. “They stole the latest personnel files and research project documentation. Our data, our swords, our spells... the death reapers' postings, appearances, strengths and weaknesses... they have everything about Fegefeuer's death reapers.”

“So that's why I'm here with a gigai.” I exhaled. Then I leaned forward. “The sergeant?”

“It's not optimistic, Ichimaru. They caught two companies, but now we can only detect less than twenty death reapers.”

I closed my eyes. Then, my eyes still shut, I began listing my requirements. “A uniform. Three firearms, and find a way for Shinsou to work even as a physical construct.”

“You plan to use it?”

“I'm planning for the worse. Access codes, officer lingo, rank tabs. A convoy if possible.”

Kapitän Hartmann nodded at his aide. The girl hurried off. I sat back in the chair, my jaw set. “What are my chances, really?”

“Better than ours,” he said, a rare smile twitching. It was a bitter smile though. “We've stormed the place, twice. Couldn't get through. They know how to neutralize us.”

I frowned. “Wouldn't it be the same for me?”

“You're going as – thank you Greta – as their officer. They will not know you are a shinigami.” He handed the package to me. “Uniform and their officer-speak. Your role is more fully fleshed out inside.”

“A sword is hard to conceal, sir.” I tapped on Shinsou's hilt. “It's not even Western in design.”

He cracked his knuckles as his fist tightened. “It'll be fine, because you are acting as a foreign guest of their fuhrer. Their alliance across the globe is benefiting us, for once.”

“Have your experts doctored their records of this guest's visit?”

“We don't have to. There really is such a guest, and we have him in our custody.”

“Pictures?”

“They didn't send pictures. We checked.” The captain ran his hand through his silver-gray hair, result of age instead of genes. The jagged scar across his throat seemed to have darkened with the years, and briefly curiosity flared up in me.

I pressed my lips together once, running through the various scenarios that could arise. _A thousand ways for things to go wrong._ Then I smiled disarmingly. “I'll be ready. Give me two hours to prepare myself.”

_A thousand things might go wrong, but I will tear down hell itself to rescue you._

_Wait for me._

xxxxx

When I got out of the car, the sentry guards saluted smartly.

“Where is the major?” I asked at my most imperious.

“Present, sir. Welcome to the facility,” the major said, stepping out from the shadow of the gate. The sentry guards patted me down and held out the disguised Shinsou for the major to inspect.

The major examined it closely, then returned it to me. “It must have been very inspiring to have met with our great leader, and to have received this excellent swordstick.”

“It is a most generous gift,” I replied. I had seen their leader at his rallies – a bigoted psychopath with the narrowest mind of any human I had ever seen. The gates clanged shut together behind me and I suppressed a spurt of fear. “But I wonder why he didn't show me Dachau instead. I hear it was the first of its kind.”

“Dachau is an achievement, no doubt,” the major said, “but here's where you'll see the glory of the Aryan mind.”

I smiled humorlessly. “I hear that the success rate is still low, major.”

“That's why you are with us, isn't it? Your reputation as a psychic and skilled engineer has preceded you, sir.” The major keyed in a complicated sequence. The doors opened fully and I stepped into the brightly lit room. The major smiled. “Our laboratory.”

It was gleaming and new; white tiles, stainless steel and numerous lights heightened the clinical aspect of the room – which was a abattoir.

I ignored the pleas in silent eyes. Some were already dead, their souls waiting at the sides of the tables.

“Impressive,” I acknowledged. “General Ishii Shiro will be very interested. Now show me the pit, major.”

xxxxx

The death reapers were locked down in a construct based on kido – or spells, as Fegefeuer called them. As I walked through the holding compound, some of my old friends recognized me. Thankfully all of them were intelligent enough not to blow my cover.

_A small blessing._

“We aim to unify their fighting ability and endurance with our fallen soldiers,” the major was saying. “These warriors, no doubt the souls of our Aryan ancestors, have proven themselves to be hardy fighters.”

I finally saw who I was looking for. Karl was sitting cross-legged in his sanitized cell, his eyes shut. I dared not reach out with reiatsu: somewhere in this building was at least a death reaper on the side of these humans. There were five other humans, all scientists by the look of them.

“They wear insignia on their arms,” I noted, keeping my voice steady. “Any idea how many divisions they have?”

“They have a large group under operation, sir. It's fortunate that our collaborator is here to meet you; he has so much to share about this.”

A dark shadow detached himself from a doorway. “Good afternoon, sir. I am Maximilian. I didn't catch your name.”

“I didn't give it to you,” I replied. Then, in one fluid motion, I drew my gun and fired it into the major's forehead. The scientists shouted and scattered, but my other hand drew out the other gun and fired twice at each white coat. Blood spattered the walls. Then I felt a cold gun barrel pressed under my ear.

He was terrified. I could smell the stench of fear on him. _This must be a new death reaper._ Maximilian asked, “Who sent you?”

I smiled. “Fire already. What are you afraid of?”

_Blam_

 


	45. 45.

_The body toppled to the ground. Half his face had been blown out, along with a ruptured eyeball and brain matter splattering on the walls. But the smile was still there, the last smile before his death._

_The young death reaper was shaking._

_He had been a reaper for less than five months._

_Too much blood; as a death reaper he didn't have to deal with blood, he only had to deal with souls. He turned about, saw the confused or lost expressions of the scientists' souls, then he ran to a corner and retched._

_When he turned around he froze._

“Surprise.” My sword was already primed. “ _Ikorose, Shinsou._ ”

Maximilian gaped as the blade punched through his sternum and through his spine. “H-how...?”

“That's a gigai, moron.” I drew Shinso back. “Artificial bodies. You can destroy the shell, but the ghost is still here.”

As he fell to his knees, he pulled away from his own gigai. I drove Shinsou through his head. Then I swung my zanpakuto around in a wide arc, removing the souls of the scientists and the major, who was still blinking stupidly at the series of events.

They didn't scream at all. There wasn't time to, and Shinsou hummed at a job done well as I sheathed it.

I walked to the construct, trying to locate the weak point or a lock I could destroy. _There_.

A short counterspell blew off the kido-lock, and a dozen death reapers streamed out.

“Thank you, Ichimaru,” said Gunther. “Those bastards killed my brother. If I could've gotten my hands on any of them... You gave them a quick way out.”

I half-smiled, then distributed some collar pins. “Let's get the fuck out of here. Pin these on. They'll turn your swords to physical weapons. We'll have to get out of the compound before a gate can be opened.”

“More than glad to,” said Gunther, and the other members agreed loudly. All except one: Karl was standing apart from our throng, and he hadn't put on the collar pin.

“Karl,” I said as I went up to him. “Put it on. We have to leave.”

He moved away and strode up the stairs, mingled with the others. I felt hurt, but pushed aside the emotion. We were not safe yet.

xxxxx

The remaining guards were easily put down, and to ensure complete secrecy Shinsou speared through their souls as well. It was a simple exit plan, really: kill everyone and get out.

Except for the complicated layout that confused everyone. I led the way, aware that Shinsou's long-range attack would provide adequate cover should any guard be foolish enough to counterattack.

“We still have to disable the shield, Ichimaru,” Gunther kept pace with me.

I frowned. “Shield? I didn't feel any when I entered.”

“It's designed to prevent reishi from exiting, not to stop them from entering.”

“Highly advanced shield then. Adapted, I suppose,” I commented as we turned another corner. The major had done his job well; when he led me in there had been so many twists and turns I had gotten disoriented.

I was never good at directions.

Then we found the entrance to the engines that locked the compound down via a reishi shield. And in the room: the traitors.

I didn't recognize them, but there were those behind me who did and then there was a quick exchange in German curses that I could barely follow. I glanced about, trying to detect the actual device that created and maintained the shield.

_There._

Shinsou smashed through the innocuous box on the wall, and sparks danced out of it. As Shinsou retreated the traitors gaped and then, as one, released all of their swords. I crouched into battle stance.

Karl barked, “Keep them alive for questioning!”

“Kill them.” was my counterorder.

Gunther, third seat, took one look at Karl's set face and one look at my confident smile, gave the order to the undecided rest of the company. “Kill all of them.”

xxxxx

The gate opened and the weary death reapers were welcomed back into their true home.

Kapitän Hartmann clapped me on the back. “Thank you, Gin. We couldn't have done it without you.”

“Save the double-speak, Kapitän Hartmann," I said without bite. “You just didn't want to risk your own people, and happened to remember Karl had a lover willing to do anything for him.”

The gray-haired leader's jaw twitched. “True. But we owe you a debt nonetheless.”

“Forward your payment to Aizen-taichou.” I stalked off, the left side of my jaw still feeling the impact blast from the bullet. Wearing a gigai meant I wouldn't get killed, but that didn't mean I didn't feel the goddamn pain. But what hurt – what really hurt – was that Karl hadn't looked me in the eye from the moment we met in the compound until now. And he was heading to his own quarters.

Pushing past everyone else I followed behind, uncertain if I should catch up or just let him take the lead.

_Fuck this._

I sprinted up and blocked his passage. “What the fucking game are you playing, Karl?”

“I'm going home to rest.” Karl didn't look at me, merely walked on. “I'm not playing a game.”

“Then look at me.”

When he did I wished he didn't. The storm-gray eyes that used to light up when they saw me were dispassionate and cold. He then inclined his head and walked on, a few paces faster than he had earlier.

I stood there dumbly. Then I turned on my heel and trailed after him, determined to figure out what exactly had gone wrong between us.

xxxxx

He was thinner than when I had last seen him. As I closed the door behind me he growled menacingly. “I don't recall inviting you in.”

“There was a time you wouldn't have let me out,” I retorted and sat down. The layout of the room, the furniture, the accents... all were the same, and I realized with a small pang that it had been laid out by me when I shared quarters with him. “What's wrong?”

He said nothing as he changed into his tee shirt and a pair of slacks. “Get out.”

“Not until you tell me what's wrong.”

He swiveled around and glared at me. “You really want to know?”

“Yes,” I said. I got to my feet and went to him, placing my hands on his broad chest. My long fingers looked like a girl's against his well-muscled frame, and a familiar warmth was stealing into the space beneath my gut.

His breathing quickened slightly and I smiled softly. “On the other hand, perhaps that can wait as well...”

Before I could proceed further he pushed my hands away. My gaze went to his face and froze with stunned amazement.

Karl was angry; he was angry _at me_ , something that had never happened even when I was staying here. “You murdered those men,” he accused. “You killed them for no reason.”

“What?” I was incredulous. “I killed to save you!”

“You didn't need to kill all of them,” he said quietly.

I motioned at the sky outside the window. “If I hadn't killed them, they would have passed the information to the rest of their fuhrer's research teams. The scientists, the death reapers, the guards... any of them might have led to another incarceration camp. And no one, no one would have rescued anybody from the next containment camp.”

“We could have captured the traitors.”

“There were twenty-five of them. It was only the element of surprise that gave our group the edge.” I hissed through my teeth. “Or did it miss your notice that all your comrades were tired and starving?”

He gritted his jaw, not replying my query.

I moved closer. “Or maybe you didn't see how your brothers-in-arms faded to nothing as they were experimented on? Those scientists were trying to recorporealize all of you, in the bodies of dead soldiers. We both know that possession doesn't work, but they were willing to try it on each and every one of you to prove that.”

“It doesn't change the fact that you gave the orders to kill without hesitation,” Karl returned, “nor does it change the fact that you killed the humans and then their souls. Gin, who are you?”

My brows furrowed. “I killed because I had to.”

“Both body and soul, extinguished?” His tone was of disbelief; clearly Karl was still too much of an innocent. “Who are you now, Gin?”

“I'm me, Karl. I'm still me,” I said softly.

“No you're not.” He shook his head. “The Gin I knew was sweet and gentle. He was competent, efficient and also compassionate. What have they done to you?”

“No one did anything to me. I'm still me, Karl.” I repeated, although now I wasn't sure there was a me anymore. Something in me hurt, really hurt, and I couldn't tell why it was so.

Karl swallowed and opened the door. “I'm sorry, Ichimaru, but I think it's better if you leave now.”

 


	46. 46.

Somehow I stumbled home.

The passage back to Seireitei was arranged with minimal fuss; Fegefeuer, not wanting to acknowledge having had a foreign shinigami save their own reapers, wanted me gone as much as I did.

Seireitei never looked so welcome in my entire existence. The division quarters contrasted sharply with the black sky, and I could feel the flicker of Aizen-sama's reiatsu in our bedroom. No matter.

In the end I found myself leaning against a pillar of the porch, watching the moon ascend into the night. Without lighting the lamps, the stars appeared sharper and brighter.

Eventually, I got up and put on some music. I was glad I managed to wheedle a music system out of the Research Bureau. The somber opening strains of Fauré's _Elegie_ heightened the heartsick deep inside. I returned to the porch and leaned against the cool balustrade. My body felt too heavy for my legs to support, and I was not surprised to feel a tightness across my jaw.

When Aizen-sama stepped up silently behind me I shut my eyes. He merely slipped his arms about my waist, not intruding into my thoughts. I relaxed backwards into his embrace, thankful for his strength and acceptance.

After a few minutes _Elegie_ ended. He kissed the side of my head. With a small smile I disengaged myself from his arms and removed the record.

Before I placed the next one on I asked quietly, “Dance with me?”

He smiled. “I don't know how to dance.”

“Nothing to it. Here.” He came to me. I placed his right hand on my waist and then took his left. “I'll lead. Relax and follow me.”

Gingerly we began moving to my counted beats. He was a quick learner, stepping on my toes only twice. I kissed him on the lips before sliding the next record on.

The melody floated out, and I took his left hand. Gently I led him into a close swaying and circling. I pressed my cheek to the side of his face, trying to absorb the warmth of his skin into my own. As we danced _Moonlight Sonata_ wrapped about us, and I melted into his unique scent. The music wasn't meant for dancing, but I loved the utter romance present in the melody.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured when he accidentally trod on my right foot. I smiled into his collar.

“It's alright, Papa Bear.” Then, hearing what I had just said, I froze.

He didn't react. Since I had turned rigid he took the lead and steered me in his arms, slowly circling, slowly swaying. Then he tucked my hands on his shoulders, while his slipped about my waist. “It's alright, Gin. It's all right.”

My hands tightened in their grip. “I'm sorry,” I whispered fiercely.

“It's all right, love. I'm here. I'm still here.”

I buried my face into his collar, letting the amber/musk of Aizen-sama infuse my being.

“I'm sorry,” I muttered again, and the music faded. We stood still in the center of the room, and he held me against him. “I'm sorry.”

“I'm still here,” he replied. “I'm always here.”

I pressed my face into his neck, into him; my fingers clung tightly to his yukata. He stroked my head, soothing and smoothing my cares away. When I finally pulled away from his shoulder he smiled tenderly at my splotchy face. Very softly he brushed the stains from my cheeks. I sniffed once and then smiled at him, because he loved to see me smile.

“What can I do for you, Gin?” he asked.

My smile wobbled. “Why are you so good to me?”

“What do you want me to do, Gin?” he asked again, sidestepping my question.

I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling his strength enveloping me once more. “Lie to me, Aizen-sama.”

“All right then.” He kissed my forehead, then my eyes. “I love you, Ichimaru Gin. I love you with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I will do anything for you.”

“Liar,” I whispered, suddenly hopeful again.

 


	47. 47.

I tried to focus on my work, but the words swam before my eyes. It should make sense, the numbers and names and locations, but it was all gibberish to me.

Suddenly Aizen-sama's voice cut into my personal fog. “Meet me in the dojo. Five minutes.”

I frowned and put away the files. I would finish them tomorrow, I supposed; I certainly had no intention to complete them today.

I slid the door open. The lower ranks were ranged along the upper level, and I wondered why they were there.

“Come in,” said Aizen-sama. I went in and slid the door closed.

“What are we doing?”

“Spar. We haven't sparred since you came back from Fegefeuer.” He indicated his sword on the wall and I placed Shinsou beside its mentor. He waited for me to take my place. “Let's see what you are still capable of.”

I studied the situation. He was stronger, faster, more experienced. In all our sparring sessions the best I could do was land three successive hits on his non-vital points, or shallow cuts when he dropped his shields. But if he intended for us to fight before everyone in attendance, then I would take part in his little play.

I shrugged out of my kimono and kosode. The easier to move my arms the easier it was to fight. I was ready to begin. “May I?”

“You may.”

I steadied my breath, then flash-stepped. I sliced at his eyes; he ducked. I punched his ribcage. He bent backward and swept his left arm at my chin. I blocked the blow and skidded half a step. I stamped forward, then swung my elbow towards his throat. He grabbed it, pulled my arm straight, then threw me over his shoulder.

I landed painfully but got to my feet immediately.

“You can do better than this, Gin,” he said slowly. There was no emotion in his voice, but I could sense his disapproval.

I muttered my defense. “Warm-up.”

I directed my reiatsu to my thigh muscles and shot forward. Whirling a kick to his jaw I hoped he would let me have this one, but he grabbed my ankle. Using his force I swept my other foot into his face, but he pushed me off to the center of the dojo. I twisted in the air, landing on my feet.

He snarled, “Faster. Too slow. I could've torn you apart if I were a hollow.”

I crouched lower, ready to fight. My heart was not in it. At other times when we fought he usually subdued his reiatsu to my level, but today he kept his reiatsu rushing at me.

I decided to try again, unleashing feet and fists. He blocked everything I threw at him. Finally I back-elbowed him, knowing he would catch it, and then flung my hand out, catching him on his cheekbone.

“Good,” he said, slightly more approving. “Now. Faster.”

I circled, trying to find a chink in his armor. He waited, his gaze following me. “I'm not even winded. Are you ever going to attack me for real?”

I hesitated. “Now I am.”

Solar plexus. Adam's apple. Knee. Lower back. Carotid artery. Diaphragm. Temple. Instep. Shoulder.

I didn't know what I was doing; he grew increasingly furious. “Hit me! What good is a lieutenant who can't even fight properly?”

I wanted to scream at him for his overwhelming reiatsu, but I knew he wanted me to prove myself before our subordinates.

I moved faster, but somehow my blows couldn't connect. The more I fought the stronger his fury; I could feel it surrounding me. Finally the heel of his palm smashed into my sternum and I crashed into the opposite wall.

He shook his head. “What is wrong with you, Gin?”

“Nothing. Nothing's wrong.” I held my own temper.

“Then hit me.” He faced me squarely, nodding at the assembled ranks. I had forgotten about them. “They are waiting for their vice-captain to show them why he's vice-captain.”

I attacked again, but every blow seemed to be just a shadow off. I spun a back kick, but he grabbed my ankle again and smashed me into the wall again. I heard someone scream as I collided. I felt a rib crack; copper-iron flooded the back of my mouth and I spat out the mouthful of blood.

He stalked over and pulled me to my feet.

“Look at yourself.” His whisper was harsh and grating. “One reaper? One miserable death reaper and you're reduced to this? Where is your killing intent? Where is your drive, your spirit, your fire?”

_I don't know. I don't know where they are. Not anymore._

Aizen-sama pushed me into the other wall. From the corner of my eye I saw Shinsou fall from its bracket. There was something – disappointment? - in his tone. He spoke quietly, so that no one else heard him besides me. “Where is my follower? Where is my lieutenant? Where is my _parasathenes_?”

I could not face him. I could not face him, not when I had failed him. I had disappointed the man who gave me everything and taught me everything.

He released my arm and I slid to the ground, breathing heavily.

I saw him stand before me, his legs planted shoulder-width apart. “Where is my Ichimaru Gin?”

I turned away. He moved off, and I knew he was furious.

Shinsou was just beside my left ankle. I took it and drew the blade. “ _Ikorose, Shinsou_.”

He caught my zanpakuto just as it shot towards him, and abruptly I returned to the here and now.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

Shinsou returned to its original state. I had drawn blood. My gaze darted to meet his: there was acceptance now.

I was his Ichimaru Gin again.

My right arm pulled back to sheath my sword, but the other seated officers thought I was going to thrust Shinsou again and leaped on me. Their arms forcing me to the ground, I peered up with a small smile on my face.

“Let him go,” Aizen-sama commanded.

Yanaihara protested, ““He attacked you while your back was turned, taichou! That's a disciplinary act!”

Since I had been the one to drill the rules of the Fifth division into their thick heads I wasn't about to dispute that.

Aizen-sama repeated his order, and this time they reluctantly let go. I felt the weight lift from my back and sat up. Feeling the soreness in my limbs and the shots of agony from my rib, I said, “I think I should be locked up, at least for one night, taichou.”

“Why is that, Gin?” He was not amused.

“It is a disciplinary issue, as tenth seat Yanaihara pointed out,” I remarked logically. “I don't think we should set a precedent where you pardon an officer for attacking his captain.”

He hesitated, then turned away. “As you wish. Yanaihara, Mesuda, take him downstairs to the cells. Make sure he gets medical attention.”

 


	48. 48.

I thought over the past couple of days, and I had to laugh at myself. All that moping over a big lug?

_Such melodrama, Gin. You really should have been born an actor._

I felt his eyes on me, even as I stared at the blank wall before me. I could always sense his gaze – those beautiful brown eyes: all sincerity and reliability, all honesty, all warmth and love and acceptance.

_All lies._

_The way it should be._

_Only I can tell the difference. No one else._

_The truth is mine._

I studied the wall. It wasn't only a blank, homogeneous wall: a small discolored patch in the corner, a hairline crack zigzagging from the window, a pattern of light and shadow... Finally I said, “I can go on all night, y'know.”

“I know,” he answered, and I smiled to myself. _So what are we playing tonight then?_

I turned my head to look at the ceiling. “So why aren't you telling me to stop acting?”

“You'll stop when you know it's too much.” He paused and then added, “Except on the few occasions where I need to shake you out of the character you play.”

“S'ry it took so long this time.”

He merely chuckled. “You're back to being yourself. That's what matters.”

“He said he didn't know me, that I wasn't the sweet, compassionate Gin he knew,” I remarked, turning my head to look at him now. “So there are two possibilities here.”

I bent my knee, the night air sliding like velvet over my bare skin. My smile grew wider when I met his emotionless stare. “Either he knew an Ichimaru Gin that was entirely fake, or you, Aizen Sousuke, are a bad influence.”

His brows lifted in a mockery of innocence. “Me? How can I possibly be a bad influence?”

“Shall we count the ways?” I grinned a little wickedly as I sat up. As his gaze remained fixed on my face I noticed the robe revealing a little more than I intended it to and adjusted accordingly.

He stroked his wrists. “You'll be stuck at zero.”

I shrugged to work some tension from my neck. The white robe for detainees was too loose for me; it slid down and my torso was bare. I pulled my arms from the sleeves. “Humid night,” I commented. “Sweaty. Hotter than usual. We really should get some proper ventilation working down here.”

He agreed. “It's rather stifling, although I suppose having a strong wind blowing down the hallway isn't a great idea either.” I watched his tongue slide over his lower lip and then he folded his arms over his chest. “I came for business purposes though.”

 _Business?_ “Mm? Get down to it then.” I walked from the narrow bed to the sole window of the cell. I let my fingers drag a line along the wall and then I reached for the thick iron bars. The metal felt cool beneath my digits as I ran my fingers from one to the next. The window was just a little above my head, and I studied the sliver of moon.

“Tomorrow you'll be released. You'll take over the running of the division while I handle the second search force for the vizards. The search teams will fan out while I wait for information.”

“So they're all under me?” I asked. “And who else would you be doing?” I traced little patterns up and down the thick bars – no real barrier, since a good kido spell would destroy them completely. I wondered who designed the cells.

“I'll continue my visit to Urahara's which your return disrupted,” he answered.

I turned slightly to examine him. “You were with him? Did you find out?”

“Yes,” he replied. There was a victorious hint to his smile. His fingers laced together, his pose now relaxed. “It's no longer an educated guess, but a fact. Now to find out where and how.”

Slowly I swiveled about to look at him and rested against the wall. I grabbed the bars and writhed a little, knowing he knew I loved having his eyes on me – along with his hands, and legs, and every inch of smooth, flawless skin. “Are you gonna screw him into the ground?”

_The way you want to fuck me right now?_

“Maybe. We may also end up killing each other.” He pursed his lips indifferently. The act didn't fool me – his gaze was traveling far too intensely over my torso. “It happens; we rub each other the wrong way half the time.”

“Rubbing the wrong way, huh.” I licked my lips as he licked his. “I guess your shared history is both a help and a hindrance.”

He relaxed further into his uncomfortable chair. I saw him open his legs a little wider, and my breath caught. My grip on the iron bars tightened, then relaxed and drifted down the cool wall. With my palms flat against the surface I pushed myself off.

“Too warm?” he asked, his head inclined, his smile sincere.

I smiled and swept my hand through my hair. “Mm-hmm. I'm all sticky now.”

He fidgeted with his glasses, and light reflected in a flash from the lenses. I pouted. “I do wish he doesn't exist,” I said, knowing that he wouldn't care how I felt about the ex-captain.

“Then what else can we do with our time, hmm?”

I sauntered forward and sat down before the bars, my legs sprawled to one side. The robe's material collapsed in my lap, which was ideal for my purposes. He then rested his elbows on his knees, bring his face closer. Even though he was three feet from the bars I recognized the intense look. I shifted my hip forward, the robe falling open at the leg.

“We could examine how you can influence an otherwise innocent young man into committing horrible crimes,” I suggested. I caressed my thigh from the knee up, fingers darting beneath the folds to stroke myself.

“We could,” he concurred absently, “But since the innocent young man isn't here...”

Now I could feel his reiatsu stretch out and encircle me. I felt my reiatsu rise in response, and I directed the flow at my captain. I chuckled. “I'm sure we can search thoroughly for him. I'll even take it off your hands.”

“I guess it can be in your capable hands.” His answering smile deepened. I luxuriated in his soft sigh as his fingers moved gently over his lips. “Along every street, in every crevice... it'll take a very long time, Gin, if you're going with a hands-on approach.”

“That's alright. Like I said earlier,” I smirked, “I can go on all night.”

 


	49. 49.

I cast my eyes over the rest of the division and sent them out in their teams. Clean-up crew was especially rebellious today; I decided they could do another quarter for daring to comment I was abusing my power. Patrol teams left for the various districts of Seireitei. The remnants were sent as dispatchers and dojo assistants at the Academy. And I had some top-level documents for the thirteenth captain and the eighth division to check through before I delivered them to Tousen.

It was already three days since Aizen-sama had left with search force number two after that disastrous first one Soi Fon led. I was certain he had been the one to thwart it, after sifting through gossip and rumors of an inside traitor. A noise made me look up from the papers in my arms – a bad habit I adopted from Aizen-sama, but thus far I hadn't collided with any wall or pillars yet.

Kurotsuchi was slouching about in a snit past the fifth division office; I carefully avoided him by ducking into an alley. Little Nemu trailed after him, desperately seeking his approval, and I knew she would never get it. Sure enough, she got backhanded for not walking fast enough.

With a small sigh of relief at not being the target of Kurotsuchi's ire, I trotted down to the other end of the alley and rounded the corner. Then I stopped in my tracks.

Ran was kissing a man, her breathy moans clearly audible as he moved against her.

xxxxx

“What the fucking hell were you thinking!?”

I stood shoulders back, chest out. Kurosawa was on his feet, roaring vulgarities at me that could probably reach the soutaichou. “She was behaving in an inappropriate manner,” I answered when he paused for breath.

“You fucking got screwed by your own captain on a regular basis, and _she's_ behaving inappropriately?” The captain was aghast and resumed pacing. “You have no cause, Ichimaru!”

“I have cause.” I maintained my non-smile, my calm manner, my all-too-unreadable aura. “She was a lieutenant and she was behaving inappropriately in public.”

“Hypocritical bastard, what 'bout you and Aizen, eh?”

My eyes flashed open for a split second, my mask slipping for just an instant. “We keep our private lives private, Kurosawa- _taichou._ ”

“Hah. Aizen's lil' lapdog. That dickhead really trained you well.”

Suddenly Ran was trying to pull me back again, for the second time that day. “Gin! GIN!! Back off! Back off now! That's an effin' order!”

“He insulted my captain,” I breathed out, my gaze fixed on the solitary eyeball at the point of Shinsou. _Just breathe, Kurosawa Shino. Just breathe a syllable wrong and I'll skewer your eye into the fucking wall and with your brain spattered across the white walls-_

“Stand down, Ichimaru Gin.” A calm voice cut into my thoughts.

I didn't move. Then I felt an arm hook me from behind and drag me back.

In my mind I muttered, “Ikorose, Shinsou.”

The blade darted forward and met with a dull thunk. I blinked.

Ukitake-taichou blocked my sword with the sheath of his own and I was aware of Kyoraku Shunsui behind me. The two waited until I retracted Shinsou. The tenth division captain was stunned that I had actually drawn on him, but the silence of the room was soon broken.

Kurosawa was livid. “Fucking lil' bastard attacked me!”

“From what I heard you deserved it,” Ukitake-taichou was unexpectedly harsh. “He bore all your insults without showing any temper, but that doesn't mean he didn't have any.”

“And with Aizen not here to defend or discipline his lieutenant, you had no right to detain someone not of your division.”

“He bloody attacked Ran!”

Kyoraku gave her a slow once-over. “She's not hurt,” he pointed out. “And she's not as angry as you are.”

Kurosawa paused in his rant. “You two takin' his side?”

“The side that's right,” said Ukitake-taichou. “He's in the wrong for drawing his sword on you, but Aizen will deal with that. You keep a tight rein on your tongue, Shino, or you'll never get a wife.”

The tenth division captain swore under his breath and Kyoraku waved me out. I walked away from the office, still slightly bewildered at the turn of events.

Then Ran caught up with me. “Hey.”

“Hi.” This was the first time she was speaking to me in a very long time. “I'm sorry I hurt him.”

Her hair was longer, and they now fell in gentle waves as she shook her head. “He'll be alright.”

There wasn't really anything else we could say. There was nothing else I could say, not really.

_Sorry I almost killed your new boytoy?_

_Sorry I attacked your captain?_

_Sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be?_

“Scarf,” I said. It was something new. “Quite nice, but I don't think ivory is your color.”

She fingered the edges. “Hides the hickeys well enough.”

We looked at each other, then I turned and left, the folder of papers still clutched to my chest.

It was September, I remembered. And I knew where to get the perfect birthday present.

xxxxx

When I returned to the division I noticed the blinking light on the communicator. It was one he hijacked from the Twelfth; we used it nightly as he spent time in the human world, and it was untraceable. He made sure of that, having tinkered with it and adjusting the frequency.

“Hey.”

“ _Hello.”_

My heart skipped a beat. “How's it going?”

“ _Bad. The setup's ready, but I can't get into it.”_

“Hmm. Equipment failure?”

“ _The equipment is perfectly fine, thank you,”_ he answered a little brusquely. _“You checked it yourself, remember?”_

I smiled to myself, resting on the edge of the desk. “I do. What do you need?”

“ _Getting power to run through the circuits.”_

“Tall order,” I commented, rearranging the papers on my desk distractedly. “What do you see?”

“ _An extended link between a constant and a variable.”_

“Any way to remove the variable?” I moved to his desk, digging into his second drawer. Ah-hah. There it was.

He sighed. _“It should be gone in the next five to seven minutes. I need everything to be up and running in that time.”_

“Wait for the constant to be isolated,” I commanded. “I can't guarantee 'up and running', but perhaps I can get some juice over to ya.”

“ _Get to it then.”_ His voice was now a low growl. He was getting impatient. _“Conditions won't be any more ideal than tonight.”_

As ideas ran through my mind at lightning speed, I smirked and opened the bottle of scented oil I extracted from his desk.

 


	50. 50.

I set the communicator down, my hands a little shaky. Eventually my lust wound down to a manageable roar and I laughed to myself. My captain was always twitchy when he had to stay in the human world for more than twenty-three hours, but I knew he was prepared to stay as long as he had to to get Urahara to divulge his secrets.

 _Urahara_. The name shook me out of my good humor. Briefly I wondered whether Aizen-sama would submit to the man or take him as he did me. And I pushed the image out of my head – with great difficulty.

“I'd better find something to distract myself with until he gets back,” I muttered as I replaced the oil, taking care to right the grass cricket I wove to replace the one that fell apart. This was the thirteenth cricket I made, always the same size and set in the same place. Aizen-sama never commented on the change in hue from brilliant green to dusty yellow. I never remarked on its place on his large desk amid his elegant brushes and inkstones.

Sighing I checked my clothes for telltale stains and was pleased to note I was clean. On the spur of the moment I called in our third and fourth seat. “You two take care of the paperwork in my in-tray for tomorrow. I'll be heading out to Rukongai for a couple of days. I've already signed where I'm supposed to sign, you can fill in the rest of the information. If there are papers to be signed by a captain, bring it either to the Eleventh-” I grinned wickedly at their expressions of dismay “-the Twelfth-” flickers of fear “-or the Ninth.” Total relief.

_Sorry, Tousen-san. You're gonna take up Aizen-sama's slack._

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The first district of Rukongai was fun when they didn't care you're a shinigami and the evening stalls come out. I had changed out of uniform to a dark orange-and-scarlet yukata, wandering the alleys, sampling various roadstalls, and beaming genially at the passers-by. Shinigami wandered these streets much as I did, and I caught sight of a number of my squad's members who hastily bowed and escaped my gaze.

There were outer district hooligans who were prowling the streets too, most of them here to take the academy entrance exam. They were easily distinguished from the usual residents: loud, crude, often violent. There were shinigami here to keep law and order until the ruffians took the exams.

A number of girls stopped to chat me up, and one boldly played with my silver hair before I laughingly told them they were too late, that I belonged to a wonderful person. It was sweet how they pouted, and sweeter when they blushed with the kiss I pecked on their forehead. “Better luck next time, girls!” I called out as I waved them goodbye.

Somehow life never seemed to be much fun until duty was shirked.

As I turned down another alley I heard the unmistakable sound of flesh hitting flesh, and then a string of curses. I frowned; I was determined to be in a good mood and I didn't want anything to ruin it. And this was definitely ruining it.

“... you little prick! You owe me the money and you better take whoever I send your way, ya punk!”

A tall, burly man, fist raised, was getting ready to punch a boy's face. I caught his raised fist. “Hey hey hey,” I drawled, letting my accent take over. “Wassat for, eh? It'sa pleasant evenin for carousin' an' fun, no need ta git violent, eh?”

“Shut up and get lost, man,” the burly man said, recognizing that I had some level of power from the good robes I wore. “Lil' prick and I have some business to settle.”

“I said,” and I tightened my grip, “no need ta git violen'.”

His face blanched when the bones in his wrist ground together. I let go before he pissed himself with the pain. He staggered upright and asked, “Sir, this has nothin' to do with you. This boy here owes me money and he's gonna settle it.”

“How are you supposed to settle it, hmm?” I asked the boy, for the first time looking at him. And I was slightly taken aback.

He was _beautiful._

There was no other word for him. Pale skin, a slender figure that spoke of hidden strength, long, dark eyes that pierced into your heart, and a number tattooed rebelliously on his left cheek. 'Yeah, I'm a punk, whatcha gonna do about it?' the tattoo seemed to challenge. There was now a bit of blood on his lower lip, probably from whatever blow he had taken before I intercepted.

“He wants me to sleep with some 'client' of his,” the boy spat. “I tole'im I'd work off the bill from other means, or if he really wants to be my pimp, I'd be glad to take any female clients. I don' want men sticking their cocks in my arse, thanks so much.”

“Fucker-”

“Hey.” I stepped between them again. Then I tilted my head to look over my shoulder at the boy. “Kid, wait at the entrance ta the alley, a'right?”

“Why?”

“Do it or I'll let'im beat da shit outta ya and then do so mahself. Git gone.” The boy narrowed his eyes and sauntered as best as he could to the mouth of the alley.

The other man was pissed off. “Look, I dunno which division you are, but my client be a high-rankin' shinigami and he's gonna kick your arse into a brand new shape if the boy gets away.”

“How much does he owe ya?”

“Boy's boarded wif me for the past month and a half, worked as a waiter at some sorry-assed restaurant and paid me only twenty silvers outta his hunnard-eighty and rising bill. Fucking stubborn little prick, refused to sell his arse to pay it off in one shot.”

I held out a money bag. “Check it.”

He squinted. I didn't smile. Convinced that there was no trick, he reached out for it. I suddenly let go and grabbed his groin and squeezed just enough to hurt.

I hissed into his ear, trying to ignore the sour stench of his body odour. “Don't make a sound, or I will use the same grip as I did on your hand just now. Alright? Just nod.”

He nodded frantically.

“Now. I used to be in the same straits as that boy there. But I had to sell my arse, as you so eloquently put it. My pimp, though a loud gasbag with nothing better on him than his collection of addictions, was ten times better than you. You wanna know why?”

Another subtle increase in pressure and he was whimpering as his head bobbed. But I knew that the boy would only see the two of us conversing.

“He never forced me to take any customer I didn't want. Because he knew that a willing whore can earn better tips than a shaking, useless one. I know some men are more than willing to brutalize a boy, but that would mean you lose a source of income. You could've hunted out rich women who are willing to pay tons for that beautiful boy to just sit with them. You could've found women who are willing to put up obscene amounts of cash just to be in his vicinity. You didn't.”

He gasped when my grip tightened further. Only my shoulder was keeping him from curling into a fetal pose on the alley floor. I hissed again, “Tell me. Who is the shinigami that wanted this boy?”

“Ko-komatsu-zaki, fif-fifteenth s-seat o-of the thi-third.” He was gasping again.

“Well then,” I grinned and whispered, “tell that fella that the boy is unavailable, because Kurotsuchi-taichou wants him. Can you remember that name?”

He nodded fervently and I released him. He crumpled to the ground. “The money is to pay off his debt. Hey, kid, come 'ere.”

The boy returned, hands in his pockets. I jerked my chin at the whimpering man on the ground. “I've paid him off on your behalf. Go wherever ya want. Tip ta the wise: find a place that's free o charge, eh? Can't always be here ta save ya.”

“I'm not a kid,” the boy protested.

I grinned wider. He looked no older than a human teenager. Sensing my amusement, he shuffled his feet. “I'm not.”

“Whatever,” I said and wandered out the other end of the alley. To my surprise the boy followed. I stopped and he did too, not catching up to me. “Whatcha doin' following me? Ya free now, kid.”

“Free to what, starve? I don't have no place t'go.” He scratched his head embarrassedly. “'sides, I need to thank ya.”

“Was that where you came from?” I asked, accent disappearing easily. In the crowd we had some semblance of privacy. “Go back there.”

“I can't. I'm here to take the academy entrance exam. Again.”

“How many times have you taken it?”

He looked down at his toes. “Twice. Failed both.”

I tilted my head at him. “Your reiatsu is pretty strong. Shouldn't have been a problem getting' in.”

“I know that, but that's why I need a place to stay that provides proper food. The free places, they don't feed ya.” He looked away, obviously bothered by his predicament. My smile never wavered. Finally he gathered up the courage. “Can you take me in?”

“Why me?” I asked.

“You're strong. You've money. And, well, you're not... I don't think you're as repulsive as the men he wanted to send me to, so if you wanna...” his voice grew smaller, almost hidden by the cacophony of the street, “if you wanna fuck me for payment, I wouldn't mind that much.”

I snorted with amusement. “You're a street urchin to the core, kid.”

“Hey, not a kid, alright?” He was annoyed. “What's your name?”

“I'm not gonna tell ya,” I said, “and I don't wanna know yours.”

He was curious. “Why not?”

I shrugged and walked away. “I'll think of a reason.”

After a beat, he followed.

xxxxx

The house we kept in Rukongai were seldom used now that we slept in his captain's quarters. The shield, while still functioning, needed maintenance and I made a mental note to reinforce the spell. When the door swung open and I stepped in, the boy was a little uncertain.

“Either you will or you won't,” I said over my shoulder, hand poised on the door. “Choose.”

He swallowed and entered.

_So like me when I was your age._

He stood in the middle of the first hall, unsure of what to do. He gave a furtive glance at the walls, at the furnishings – so very different from those of outer Rukongai. He started when I said, “This way, kid.”

“Stop calling me a kid,” he growled.

 _Boy has spunk._ “Then don't respond like one, kid.” I opened my bedroom door and went in. He stepped in as well, with an obvious squaring of his shoulders that said he wanted to be elsewhere. But when I tossed a large towel at him he fumbled. “Wha-what?”

“Take a bath, you're filthy. Yours is down the hallway, hang a right. I'll be getting dinner ready after my own bath.”

“Don't you want to-”

“Take a bath, kid. We'll talk over dinner.”

His dark eyes swept over my smiling face, as if questioning my sanity, but he fled to the bathroom. I sighed and shut the linen cupboard. By now Aizen-sama should be in bed with the other man.

xxxxx

Dinner was a lot of rice with a lot of meat and stir-fried vegetables. Nothing fancy. I knew Rukongai appetites; even now I craved simple fare in large amounts rather than elegant servings of pigeon-food-quantity.

“Wow” was all the boy said before he devoured nearly everything on the plate before him, in the rice pot, in his own bowl. I was amused and pleased there was no leftovers. Even when he ate there was an air of elegant ferocity; similar to a timber wolf, perhaps, or a snow leopard. The robe he wore now was one of my own, but the blue-gray weave clashed with his skin tone. It was far too large for him. I could see his abdomen, the muscles flexing almost hypnotically as he wolfed down everything in sight. I remembered when it was to be so hungry - Ran and I had practically lived in the Academy's kitchens on our weekends. He exhaled a soft burp when he was done, and was about to collect the dishes.

“Leave them for now,” I said and lounged against the table. “Some things we need to clarify before we continue.”

He wiped the corner of his mouth with a thumb. His skin, other than the tattoo, was unmarked, and for an instant I wondered how flushed he could get. Then I smiled slowly, and he looked away, uncomfortable. I tapped the table with my long fingers.

“Now. I'm not gonna tell you who I am, other than I am a shinigami. What name will you give me?”

"Give you?"

"Give me. What name would you call me by?"

His eyes fixed on my smile, on my face, on my hair, then followed the line of my neck to sweep down my shoulder. he blushed and muttered something. I frowned and asked, “What did you say?”

“Yuki.”

 _Snow_. “Alright. Yuki I am then. And you will be Zahl.”

“Zahl?”

“You'll find out for yourself when you get into the Gotei's libraries.” I grinned when he blushed. “Come now. A few conditions: you don't try to figure out who I am, that's number one. You'll know eventually. Number two, I'll feed ya, clothe, ya, provide shelter for ya until the day they announce academy entrants for the new school year. That's about a week and an half from tonight. In return you try your damn fucking best to learn what I'm gonna teach, and use the knowledge to get enrolled. Thirdly, I ain't fucking ya unless you want it to happen. I like consensual sex. And lastly, I won't be looking for ya or seeing ya after my lover comes home. Right now I'm looking for some fun and you're it, that's all. No love, no commitment, just companionship and maybe some sex. Understood?”

He gaped at me. “Yeah.”

“Good.” I stretched and worked the kinks out of my shoulders and hands. If I could sleep tonight, I'd buy Zahl three new sets of clothes.

xxxxx

The night dragged on. My palm lay flat on Aizen-sama's side of the bed. I had tossed and turned earlier, but there was no way I could sleep without picturing _them_ together. At least it was only tonight - he had given his word not to sleep with Urahara more than one night. And he always kept his promises.

I heard a shuffle outside the door and slowly it slid open. I smiled tiredly. "What is it?"

He stopped. He hadn't been aware I was awake. "I-I couldn't sleep in that room you put me in," he confessed. "It was too big and empty."

I sat up. "You haven't been to large rooms before?"

"They were always occupied," he said, looking away. He seldom made eye contact for long and I was rather intrigued. He stood there, in the overlarge yukata, looking younger than he appeared.

I slid half down the bed and patted the empty side. "Here. Space enough for us both."

He crept under the blanket, but kept near the edge. He was still nervous, not that I blamed him. Being saved from a pimp, only to end up in a mansion and with someone who refused to reveal his identity... I would be shaking with nerves if I were him. In fact, he was far more courageous than I was.

_Perhaps he could be an asset for the future._

I shifted closer to him and tapped his rigid shoulder. "Hey. Zahl."

"H-hey."

He was keeping a tight control over his fear, and I admired that. I said quietly, "I'm not going to do anything, not tonight. Relax. Move closer."

He half-sat up, and looked at the arm I had strewn across as a pillow. Then he swallowed and rested his head on my upper arm, where the white robe I wore prevented skin-to-skin contact. He was still stiff-backed though.

"Hey."

"Hmm?"

"Relax, kid. I'm not gonna hurt you. I came from Rukongai too, if that's any consolation."

He flipped around. "Really? I thought you were a noble pretending to be a commoner at first. Your accent was so damn fake."

"A noble, me?" I had to laugh. The laughter seemed to soothe him - somewhat. "Everything I have, everything I own in this place... they all belong to- to my lover. He took care of me until I achieved my current rank, and he's still taking care of me."

"What is your rank?"

"Not gonna tell." I brushed hair from his eyes. "Sleep. We'll have an early day tomorrow. I'll teach you how to handle the academy entrance test questions and the practical."

He examined me for a long time before hesitantly burrowing into my arms. I was surprised at his initiative. When I quizzed him why, he murmured, "There's always been someone holdin' me to sleep since I can rem'ber. My friends, my - my lovers, my clients..."

"Hmm. Don't blame them. You even smell warm, kid."

"Not a kid." His protest was half-hearted, his long limbs draped over my waist. It felt good. Different from Aizen-sama's possessive hold. Welcoming, warm... perhaps a touch of sensuality when his hand settled on my hip.

"Mm-hmm."

Somehow I drifted off with the reassuring weight and breath of Zahl in my arms, his spiky hair brushing the softness beneath my chin.

 


	51. 51.

“Your weight should be equally distributed between both feet,” I said as I corrected his stance, “and you breathe into your diaphragm, not into your lungs. Breathe in.”

He inhaled, his shoulders rising. I swatted his shoulders and placed my palm on his diaphragm. “Move my hand, not your shoulders. Breathe out. Breathe in again.”

He did so properly this time. I took his left hand and placed it under mine, holding it firm but not pressing down. He continued the breathing exercises and I let go of my hand. When he made to remove his palm I said, “No. Keep it there, breathe the correct way for the next twenty minutes.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Until this sort of breathing becomes instinct, you'll never amount to much in terms of reiatsu manipulation. _Breathe_.” I walked off.

Zahl stood there in the center of the sword room, just breathing in and out. I was pleased; the boy had strong reiatsu but he was very weak in controlling it, so that was probably the main reason why he couldn't pass the first two exams. The breathing exercise was what Aizen-sama had taught me after I came to him, and as a result my kido and hakudo improved by leaps and bounds. Just from breath control.

He had closed his eyes, dark lashes a lovely contrast to his fair skin. I circled behind him and put my hands very gently on his shoulders. Good. The bony shoulders were still.

“Let your hand fall to your side,” I said after twenty minutes. “Now raise your right, palm up. Form a cup with your palm.”

“I don't understand.” He hadn't opened his eyes. I slid my right palm under the back of his right hand, bending his fingers forward a little.

Counting within myself I matched his breathing pattern. Then I murmured softly, “Feel power gather just behind your navel. It is a bright glowing circle, and slowly it uncurls into a stream of light that flows in your veins. Feel it. Know it.”

“Feeling.” His words were a sigh, his lips parted with each exhalation. “Knowing.”

“And now direct that stream into your outstretched palm. It's coursing along your veins until it comes to your palm. It needs to be released.”

Another sigh. “Yes.”

I moved my mouth close, to ensure he could feel the words rather than hear them. “The stream now gathers into a dam just within your palm, trapped by your fingers, like a snowball but it's warm.”

His eyes fluttered. I watched as he let his mind take in my words and gradually a sphere of reiatsu was hovering within his hand.

I whispered, “Zahl, open your eyes.”

He did, took in the reiatsu sphere in his hand and his eyes widened comically. “Holy motherfucking crap!”

His fingers twitched and he dropped his arm.

_Shit._

I pulled him down to the floor and covered his body with my own. The reiatsu sphere that had been hovering earlier expanded abruptly and exploded.

“Damn! Are you okay?” the boy asked, having seen part of it sear into my shoulder where I blocked his face.

I sat back on my haunches and examined the smoking mess that was my robe. “I'll be fine,” I assured him.

“I'm sorry, man, I din't mean ta- it took me by surprise is all, I've never managed to do that properly,” he said in a rush, grimacing at the raw look of my shoulder. “I'm really sorry.”

“Hey, relax. It happens. I'll deal with it. But good job on that though.”

“Good job? I melted your skin!”

“See?” I ruffled his shaggy mane. “A non-shinigami managing to injure a shinigami. That's an accomplishment.”

He rolled his eyes. Healing the slight burn, I smiled and he pulled me to my feet.

“Go prepare lunch,” I told him. “I need to drop by the office before noon, get some things done. Go ahead and eat whatever you want. Whenever you're free, practice.”

“Should I prepare dinner too?”

“That'd be nice, assuming there's still food left after your lunch,” I said.

He flushed with embarrassment. “Not my fault that I eat a lot. Been hungry too fucking long.”

“'Course not,” I agreed. “You're still a growing kid.”

“Not a kid,” he grumbled and I laughed before I went to change into my uniform. If I wanted to keep my position I had to at least put in a modicum of effort.

xxxxx

A knock on the door alerted me to his arrival.

“Kuchiki-san,” I said. He nodded curtly and handed me a sheaf of papers. I flipped through them quickly, noting the main points. “That's all?”

“It's all that's relevant,” he answered. Then he bowed and left after I locked the papers in the office safe. Throughout it all he had not revealed a flicker of any emotion or thought.

_Hmm. Methinks the machine needs some life in him._

“Hey,” I called out. “I'm going that way too.”

“What way?”

“Whichever way you're heading.”

I smirked at the tightening about his eyes. _So. You feel annoyance. That's good to know._ “Y'know, I've never really congratulated ya on your lieutenant posting.”

“There was no such need,” he replied, eyes fixed stiffly on the middle distance. We soon reached the sixth division office. His father, the current sixth division captain, was stepping out for, presumably, lunch. “Taichou.”

“Ah. Byakuya. I'm going for lunch at Juushiro's with Shunsui. You want to come with?”

I never understood why someone as genial as Byakuya's father could raise a son as rigid as that princeling. But despite his approachability, the head of the Kuchiki household cut an impressive figure: almost seven feet tall, broad shoulders, well-muscled. Byakuya looked more like his mother than his father. Perhaps that accounted for the different temperaments.

“Thank you sir, but I have to catch up on the paperwork.”

“Good afternoon, Kuchiki-taichou,” I greeted respectfully.

“Ah. Ichimaru. How are you coping without your captain around? You can always come to me for assistance. Since you were my son's classmate, I'm sure we can offer any help you need.”

“Actually, Kuchiki-taichou, there is one eensy favor I'd like.”

The tall man crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh? What would that be?”

“May I invite Kuchiki-fukutaichou out for lunch now?”

“No!” “Sure!”

Father raised his brows curiously, son looked at the floor, and I concentrated on hiding my grin.

“Byakuya, you're too immersed in your work. Go out and socialize a little. Besides, I think Ichimaru can share quite a bit of his experience being Aizen's lieutenant.” The elder Kuchiki tapped his son on the shoulder, and Byakuya looked up. It was evidently a signal between them; the young heir sighed and turned to me.

“It would be an honor to lunch with you, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. I will return promptly, taichou,” he said, as if reciting from memory.

I bowed to the captain before indicating the route we were to take. The princeling followed silently. I said nothing as well, determined that he would be shaken out of his little tower whether he wanted to or not.

_Take it as my good deed for the day._

When we reached the gates he stopped. “Where are we going?”

“Lunch,” I replied breezily. “It's what people eat in the middle of the day, in case you're unfamiliar with the concept.”

“But you're leaving Seireitei,” Byakuya said.

I snorted. “Duh, yes. We're leaving Seireitei for some proper cooking. The shinigami kitchens are a disgrace in whichever barracks I go to.”

“You want to go into _Rukongai_?” There was a horrified sneer in his voice at the last word, and I grinned wickedly.

“You haven't been there before?” I asked politely, and after a little reluctance he shook his head. Out of the blue I grabbed his arm and yanked him past the gates into the commoners' realm.

He looked about him, trying to appear as if he wasn't, and I could see him trying his best not to come into contact with anything else. Even my grip was better than the almost overwhelming roar of the common and the plain around us.

“Uh, e-excuse me, sirs! Gin-dono!”

I looked behind me. It was dark-haired girl who was somewhat familiar. Large eyes, fair skin and small hands... who was she?

“I don't know if y-you remember me, Gin-dono, but you once asked me to help you buy an umbrella for a yukata you bought.”

I racked my brain, trying to come up with a name, and failing miserably. “I'm really sorry, I don't remember your name.”

She blushed. “Of course. I'm Hisana. We met in the thirtieth district. I waited for you to collect the umbrella but you d-didn't turn up.”

I frowned. Then my smile returned. “Ah! The deep green one with white squares.”

_The one for Karl Bauer._

“Yes, that's the one. And um... the umbrella's not really usable anymore, so here's the money you passed to me the other time.” She held out a small pouch.

I took it. “You remember after all these years?”

“You helped me when... when it was a very difficult time. I saw you here yesterday and I just hoped t-to see you again to repay you.”

Surprised at her gratitude, I smiled with genuine warmth. “How is your sister, Hisana?”

“She-she's fine,” she stammered, not meeting my gaze.

I felt the chill of understanding wrap my gut. _Baby's probably dead by now._ “I'm glad about that. What are you doing here? Are you taking the entrance exams as well?”

“Oh, no! I have nowhere near that kind of power! I just work at a teahouse down that way.”

“Teahouse, huh.” I scratched my nose. “You have meals there too?”

“Yes, Gin-dono.”

“Excellent,” I remarked with a clap of my hands. “Lead us there, Hisana-san.”

She bowed and went ahead of us. I peeked over my shoulder at Byakuya, who had been silent throughout the exchange.

He had just the slightest tinge of pink in his cheeks.

_Oho. My good deed for the day is definitely turning out to be the good deed of the year._

With a small hum I tugged on his sleeve and the young man followed without complaint. He didn't even glare when someone brushed past him – his gaze was fixed on the slim figure waiting at the teahouse entrance with a smile.

xxxxx

I left the teahouse early, leaving the princeling by his lonesome. Hisana had been surprised when I paid the bill in full. “But your friend-”

“He likes tea. He needs more tea and it'd be best if you're on hand to serve him exclusively because he is quite demanding of the quality of... tea.” I grinned recklessly and went off. I was certain Kuchiki Byakuya didn't even know or would even care that I had left.

xxxxx

There was a beep from the communicator the second I stepped into the mansion. “Hello, taichou.”

“ _Hello. What have you been doing today?”_ He sounded restless. I wondered what was bothering him.

“Playing cupid. What about you?”

“ _Broke a promise to you.”_

I stilled. He never broke promises, not when they were made to me. “You slept with him again?”

He didn't hedge. _“Yes. So your assignment for the rest of the week is to think of a punishment for me, hmm? I assure you I'll take it without complaint.”_

I seethed silently. Across the yard Zahl saw me and waved his arms frantically. Then inspiration slowly seeped into my mind and I grinned. “Alright. Make sure you're home before the results of the entrance exams are posted.”

“ _Is there a reason for the deadline?”_

“You'll find out,” I said tenderly. “Sweet dreams, taichou.”

He sighed. _“I really am sorry for breaking my word, Gin.”_

“You will be.” I hung up. _Oh you are gonna be so sorry._

xxxxx

When I finally crossed to the sword room he had planted himself squarely in the center of the room. “Check this out,” he said with a small grin. The number on his cheek seemed to glow with his enthusiasm. I noted the sheen of sweat over his features, then smiled as he closed his eyes and his right hand stretched out. I counted under my breath and when I reached seven a ball of reiatsu was hovering above his palm.

He opened his eyes. “See?”

“Good job,” I praised. “Breathing practice alone and you get this.”

“No, not done yet. Step away from the door, Yuki.”  
I obeyed. He inhaled again – properly, I noted – and as he breathed out steadily the ball of reiatsu bobbed past me and sank into the soft earth outside.

I was impressed. “Whoa. That just from today? Effin' genius!”

“Yeah,” he said. “Totally kickass. Thanks, Yuki.”

“You're welcome.”

He came over and tugged on his slippers. Then he stood up, his grin fading. “Uh, Yuki... d'ya think that can get me into the academy?”

I hesitated. “There's still the written paper,” I said. “You read and write?”

“Yeah, not a problem for me.”

“Then you're a damn sight better than I was when I took the paper. Had to sit with an examiner while he read out the question and give him my answers verbally.”

Zahl looked vaguely encouraged by that. I patted him on his shoulder. “Tell ya what. Tomorrow I'll teach ya how ta answer the questions that appear every year.”

“Thanks, Yuki. Dunno how to repay you for doing this.”

I chuckled and whispered something into his ear.

He blushed and skittered off. I remained in my place, smiling at his reaction, but my grin widened when he peered out from the corner in the hallway. His voice was gruff as he said, “I thought you wanted to...”

“So it's okay to bathe with ya?” I asked again.

“... yeah.” He blushed again and now waited for me to stroll down the hallway to catch up to him. As I slung an arm over his shoulders I felt him pressing closer to my body. ****


	52. 52.

He was all angles and lengths. I sat back in the water as he entered the narrow tub, almost defiantly shy.

“This can't be the first time you're naked before another man,” I laughed when he turned around almost immediately, presenting a thin frame to me. He glared at me over his shoulder, possibly not aware of how enticing his rebellious coyness was.

He faced away from me. “Shut up, Yuki. I've never taken a bath with one is all.”

“I know the drill,” I said quietly. He angled his body towards me, curious about the admission. I smirked. “You wanna hear more, you're gonna have to sit in my lap.”

“Shut up,” he growled again. Then, after some consideration, he slid over and settled between my legs, his head resting back against my sternum.

I laved water over his chest to keep my hands from wandering over him. “I was from Rukongai, you know that.”

“You said.”

“The outer reaches of Rukongai are lawless places. Might makes right. Money was power. You know how it is. I found myself a pimp so I could earn enough to keep myself and a friend alive long enough to make our way here. He was fair enough, as pimps go; never made me take a client I didn't want, and I restricted myself to women.”

Zahl tilted his head a little, his dark hair brushing my skin. “I don't want to know the rest.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know, but you're... the fact that you're here now, and happy... all the past bullshit shouldn't matter anymore. But it does, I hear it in your voice.”

“The past never leaves us, Zahl. Fifty, sixty years from now you'll look back on this and probably wonder why you ever let me touch you.”

“Then I'll wait for that day, because righ'now I know why.” he tilted his head again and kissed my chin. “Right now I wan' you to fuck me.”

I scoffed. “Really.”

He stood up and faced me. “What's funny about that?”

I looked up his legs, his hips, his torso, his neck, his face... wet and gleaming from the bath oils, he appeared very inviting. I relaxed back into the side of the bath. “You want me to fuck you, but you stiffen your shoulders when you feel my touch; you become like a block of marble. I'll probably get more satisfaction from my right hand.” Said hand wriggled its fingers.

“I just... I need to prepare myself for the pain, that's all.”

“Pain?” I pushed myself up and then stood facing him. He was very tempting, this young stray I found.

He looked away, still unwilling to maintain eye contact. "It always hurts, dunnit? I need to prep myself, prepare for the blood and the effin' burning pain up my ass. But I still rather you fucked me than any other man righ'now."

I laughed, letting water from my body drip into the tub. "It can be fun, Zahl."

It was his turn to scoff. “Please. Every single one of them – of you – always do the same thing. Just stick it in, come, get gone. I just want this waiting-to-be-hurt part over and I can focus on learning-”

I cut him off with a kiss. He had soft lips. I tasted them, and pulled away.

Then I got out and tied a robe about myself. He was standing in the bathwater, stunned by the gentle kiss, judging from the way he was touching his lips.

“Wha-what are you doing?” he asked, almost panicked when I swung him over my shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing, Yuki?”

“Stop moving, you're slippery as it is,” I commanded with a smack on his bottom. That embarrassed him enough to keep him still, until I lowered him onto the large bed. “Sex is not supposed to be a trial. There might be pain, but it should be something you enjoy.”

“I-I don't understand.”

I studied him in the weak light of the bedroom. He really didn't understand. “I'll show you if you'll trust me.”

His shoulders tightened again as I approached him, but he merely swallowed when I stroked his hair into some semblance of order. I lay down beside him and began caressing his arms, his sides, his stomach... he shivered with my touch and with the cold. With a grin I tugged the large quilt over both of us, then straddled his slim hips.

In the dark cocooned warmth of the blanket he seemed to fold in on himself. I kissed him again, insistently, as gentle as before, and gradually he relaxed enough to respond. As his mouth demanded more I retreated. “Easy, Zahl. Relax. It's gonna be gentle and slow, all the way. After that, if you still like it hard and fast and brutal, I'll give it to ya. But you gotta try it my way first, mm?”

He breathed in and then nodded. I kissed his forehead. His mouth barely made contact with the curve of my neck. I sighed, a languorous breath. “Touch me, Zahl. Discover what you like about me.”

His hands, slightly cold from our bath, hesitantly pushed the robe off my shoulders, then skated past my sides to my waist, where he fumbled with the belt. I concentrated on kissing his eyes, his nose, his ears... everywhere but his mouth. When he finally managed to remove the damp robe he looped his thin arms around my neck, pulling me close for a deep kiss. His mouth opened, prompting me to follow; his tongue darted in and drew back, shy yet eager, and when I imitated him I felt the whimper that escaped his throat into my mouth.

His hands gripped my shoulders as I shifted position, so that we were lying on our sides. He drew back his left hand to slide it under my waist, while his right started to examine the planes of my face, then the curve of my neck when I didn't stop him. My own hands danced over his cool skin, now heating up with desire. I didn't resist when he pushed me onto my back and he began exploring the dips and curves and angles of my shoulders and my chest with his clever hands. Then he took one arm and licked along the sensitive skin on the inside, eventually returning to kiss me on the lips. Chastely, demurely, as if he hadn't been a street whore, as if he was still untainted. I sighed lazily when he played his hands over my hips.

“Am I doing this right?” he asked, uncertainty creeping into his voice. In the dusky interior of the room I noted his eager length, knowing that he felt mine pressing into his very adorable and well-built ass.

“Yes.” I locked my wrists behind my head, wanting to pin him down and fuck him senseless, but knowing I had to be patient and build this up properly. When the time came, however, Zahl would no longer have any say over how we fucked. It was a good thing he was young – he would definitely be able to keep up with me.

No pun intended.

_You have no idea how lucky you are that Aizen-sama called earlier._

He rocked back on his heels while I was musing, and the movement brought me back to the beautiful youth now straddling me. His fingers, hesitant at first, now traced intricate patterns over my hip bones, and I groaned as he lowered his mouth to my sternum and then began kissing a wet trail downwards. Our lengths brushed together, and he hiccuped with the fiery sensation before slowly repeating the move. My fingers were gripping my wrists hard enough to leave bruises. He looked up and frowned. “Yuki, touch me. Show me how.”

Not a query, but a command. _You are born to lead, my young friend._

I released my hands and cupped his face. He obligingly allowed full access to his mouth – it tasted of tea and sugar, something that didn't make sense, as far as I was concerned. We hadn't even had dinner. My mouth trailed over his jaw to the soft earlobe, which I took in my mouth and sucked firmly. He moaned, a natural tenor; I flicked out my tongue and licked the shell of his ear. He whined when I stopped, then hissed as my tongue pushed into his ear again. I murmured, “I wanted to ask you about your tattoo... may I know?”

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, trying unsuccessfully to stop my hand that now delicately stroked his cock.

_Hmm. Long, firm, like everything about you. Gin likes._

He swallowed, twice, thrice, trying to work some moisture into his mouth. I obliged, my tongue sliding in and lubricating it enough for speech. He tried to elaborate while I listened, fingers still tracing mischievously between us. “I w-was saved by a-a captain, long a-ago and he-he had this...nghh... this tattoo j-just on his m-mid – oh! Uh... midsection... ngh, Yuki, please, stop... I c-can't... I w-anted him to kn-know thaaangh... that I'm determined to b-be like hi- fuck, Yuki!”

"Would you like that, Zahl?" I rumbled against the thin shell of his ear. "Would you like to try taking me? To plunder me, to penetrate me? Feel the heat of my body all around you? Do you want that, Zahl?"

"Yu-yuki..." his lips were pressed to my neck, my collarbone, his hands now gripping onto my arms as my strokes became more wanton. "I don - don't know h-how, n-nnot with a man..."

"You want me to teach you?"

"Yes!" His back arched into me as my nails tickled his sack feather-lightly. "Yuki, please!"

I sat up, reaching for the jar by the side of the bed. Unohana-taichou had kindly prepared it after one very memorable night when Aizen-sama and I had been a little too enthusiastic. I remembered being overwhelmed by embarrassment with her soft lecture to both of us in her office, while his hand gripped mine under the table in mute apology. I oiled my hand thoroughly before whispering instructions for him to part his thighs. He was hesitant initially. “You mean, your hand?”

"My fingers, actually.”

“That's kinda... gross, innit?”

I frowned slightly. “Y'mean those guys you slept with didn't even bother to stretch you? Bastards... no wonder you were hurt. You must've been terrified.”

“I'm not afraid, not of you,” he countered, now a reddish tint over the bridge of his nose.

“You sure?” I grinned at him before I slowly pushed his thighs apart. I pressed faintly against the pucker of his entrance. He hissed, his eyes closed. My oiled finger traced around it before sliding in, and he gasped. I waited for him to get accustomed to the sensation, then slid a second digit in. His head lolled back as I stretched him, then I prodded against the bump of nerves that sent him reeling.

"Is it painful, my doing this?"

"... a lil' bit..."

"Do you like it?"

"Y-yes, yes..." I inserted another finger in, and he arched his back. "Oh gods yes." He moved back to meet my hand, then slid up, and back down again. By the time I had three fingers in play he was already hard and seeping.

"Ease back, tiger," I chided when he wanted to move far too much against my digits. I removed my fingers, cleaned my hand and took his, coating it liberally. "Your turn. Show me what you've learned thus far."

He was a little embarrassed about it, but I encouraged him with soft words and gentle kisses, then moans and whimpers as he found the same spot I had located in his body. When I grabbed him on the back of his neck and moved him out of me, he actually groaned a complaint. I chuckled deep in my throat. "Time to go to the real show, Zahl. I'm all yours for tonight... but slowly, a'right? Slow and gentle, like you did just now."

I kissed his perfect nose and he inhaled nervously. “I'm not sure... not ready for this, I've never-”

“You've slept with women?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Same logic,” I reassured him. He was already close to his limit, I could tell, and tenderly I nudged him onto his back. “I trust you.”

He held his breath as I lowered myself over him, and I had to remind him to inhale. As my hips sank slowly over him, he drew a half-gasp. I paused, waited for him to recover, then enveloped him entirely. His eyes squeezed shut. “Oh gods... Yuki, is that how... how y'all feel when... gods. Fuck.”

“Oh yes,” I chuckled and he squeaked with the tease. Bracing myself with a hand by his head, I began to move. With every slide I licked up his chest and brushed my teeth over his collarbone, taking care to pleasure myself even as his erection moved over my prostate. His fingers dug into my sides, then slid to my hips, before taking over between our bodies. I gripped the pillow about his head as he thrust up, hard; I thought I actually shouted.

“Yuu-yuki, Yuki, please, please...” He twisted his face to one side, and threw back his head, and suddenly gripped my face to dive into my mouth, trying to steal my breath into his own lungs. In the late afternoon light he looked golden, the sheen of perspiration soaking into the sheets. He tried to control his thrusts to match my slow but insistent rhythm, but lost to his own urges. “Please... please, please...”

“It's okay, it's okay, let it go, let it all go,” I murmured, a chant against his mouth; the poor young man was almost weeping. “Let it go, Zahl, it's okay, it's okay...”

He uttered a delicious cry as he spilled into me. I kissed him fiercely as I came soon after, dragged into his climax. I licked the bead of sweat that traced past his tattoo, wondering if we should put in a revision of that blatant advertisement for the next evening.

xxxxx

We bathed again, before I sent him to peel the boiled potatoes for our dinner. He had nipped at my ear for that irksome task, but the fact that he felt comfortable enough to retaliate was good news to me.

“Yuki! The potatoes are ready,” he said as he walked in with the pot. “I hate peeling them.”

“Be glad you get them at all,” I scolded as I cut them into quarters before dumping them into the soup. Potatoes cooked faster if they had been boiled earlier, Aizen-sama had told me after a disastrous attempt, which he gamely finished up. Of course, I was stuck with washing dishes the rest of the week, but it had been worth it.

Zahl sidled up behind me, arms looping about my waist, head resting between my shoulder blades. I sighed. “If you're so free, Zahl, get the table ready so we can eat soon.”

“Mm. Food. Food's good. Almost as good as you.” He tiptoed to kiss the back of my neck before leaving, laden with plates and rice bowls. I laughed to myself as he returned and took the entire pot of rice out – no doubt he would finish it all again; the boy was insatiable.

 _Did I eat that much?_ I wondered vaguely, then grinned. _Probably._

I washed my hands, now waiting for the soup to boil.

“Hello you,” he said and launched himself into my arms.

I caught him in time. “Zahl!”

“Mm. Kiss me,” he ordered with a silly grin on his face. I did so, and was surprised when he pushed a bit of – candy? sugared fruit? – into my mouth. “I found them on your table this afternoon. Can I have the rest?”

“No snacking,” I said primly. “It's gonna ruin your appetite.” _Hmm. Definitely candy. They were meant for the pink-haired brat of a lieutenant._

He wrinkled his nose. “You ate that.”

“Did not.”

“Did so.”

“Did not.” My grin widened. “You wanna check?”

He laughed lightly before pressing his lips to mine, his tongue eagerly pressing inside. I had tucked the sweet under my tongue, and it wasn't without some difficulty before it sat on the tip of his. “Aha!” he cried out triumphantly, his words muffled.

I picked it up with my lips and ate it then. “Gone,” I remarked coolly.

“Give it back,” he mock-complained before we locked our mouths together again, tongues exploring each other's mouths to greater detail.

xxxxx

I tried to be gentle this time as well, but he had growled and snapped at me until we collided together in a frenzy of teeth and limbs. His lips were warm and moist, and he definitely had loads of energy judging from the energetic bucking. I felt like he wanted to rip every muscle I had in my body as he flexed and yanked and tugged and crushed.

The thumping of our bodies on the bed and the slap of flesh on flesh must have powered his batteries, because there was no way for him to keep going and going. Even I had limits to my appetite, and I was a voracious diner. But his slanted eyes with that imploring yet suggestive leer, that wicked tattoo, his profanity-spewing mouth and very flexible tongue, his willingness to learn my preferences and his ability to put theory into practice almost immediately...

_Damn. I think I've raised a monster._

“I think,” I panted as I entered him for the third time that night; his enthusiasm was infectious, “no, I know I'm taking a break after this one, okay? We need to-to be able to move tomor-row.”

A muffled groan was his only answer, and then he cried out again as I pounded into him. One leg was wrapped around me like a boa constrictor, the other was bent and the knee pressed to his chest. Our frantic struggles and his satisfied scream made me quiver and my hands shook where I held him.

Eventually he buried his face in the crook of my neck, our legs too weak to retrieve the damp towel from the basin at the table on the other side of the bedroom. The sticky mess as we twined together was more erotic with my drowsiness and his heavy breathing.

I might ask to keep him, but I knew he wasn't suitable as a pet. For one thing, I might get too attached to this willing playmate.

_So damn honorable to actually pay an asshole, so damn obedient to wait when told to wait, so damn trusting to actually follow a stranger home and screw around with him. You'll be an asset to his plan. I just hope he sees it that way._

 


	53. 53.

****He looked completely – what was the word Zahl used? - dogfucked. _Boy has a colorful vocabulary._

“Hey, glad to see ya,” I beamed cheerfully at him. The dark undereye circles nagged at me – I wanted to massage life back into his rounded shoulders and put color back into his pallid face. His cheekbones seemed a little sharper, his eyes a little haunted. I put away the papers that were checked and signed.

“Hey.” He hunkered down beside me, a smile on his face. He was never without that smile, but where mine unnerved people, his disarmed them with its sincerity. “Missed you.”

I tingled with the press of his lips on my cheek. It felt good to have him back, near me, to have the unmistakable signature of his reiatsu nestled in the back of my mind. His pulse was my second heartbeat.

Sappy, but true.

I nudged him to sit down and I clambered into the cradle of his lap. He breathed out, arms linking loosely about my waist. I kissed all over his face, re-etching his contours back into my mind and his scent deep into my heart. He suddenly carried me to the bed, moving from the floor to the room in one fluid sweep, like he wasn't already half-dead on his feet.

Just in case he thought I would call everything off on account of his fatigue, I said, 'I'm not gonna cancel the session. Just because I welcomed you back doesn't mean I ain't punishing ya.”

He stripped and tossed the uniform aside carelessly. I could see some healing scars and a few bruises. Which were from his battle and which from Urahara? That didn't matter; he looked so tired my heart ached.

“Not asking you to,” he said as he got on the mattress. “Just let me have an afternoon nap with you here, hmm? Wake me at four.”

I leaned against the headboard, his head resting into the slight curve of my waist, his arms wrapping around my legs. “You've firmed up.”

“I'm eating more these days.” I tried valiantly to maintain the usual smile, and I was glad he couldn't see it falter. It hurt to see him so... drained. Aizen Sousuke, with a reiatsu so vital it practically flared as an aura about him. Aizen Sousuke, my captain, wearied to the point of collapse. _What have you been doing to yourself?_ “You've grown thinner.”

My fingers ran through his thick hair, slowly tracing down to his neck. He didn't even respond to my usual tease. “Stresses of the human world, Gin. Couldn't help it.” He was soon sleeping soundly.

I watched the rise and fall of his chest, my hands now lingering over his arms before cradling his head against my side. At that moment, I realized I didn't care anymore who he bedded. I just wanted him to rest and never be worried again. If installing Urahara as his only lover was what it took, then I would personally help that blond move his furniture into Aizen-sama's rooms.

I would master Shinsou. I would be his strength and his rest. I would be his defender and his enforcer. I would be his everything, whether he wanted it or not.

xxxxx

“Smart, efficient and sexy,” he said cheerfully as he returned me the sheaf of papers. “I have the best lieutenant ever.”

“Course ya do,” I agreed, my attention more on the time. Zahl would be returning to the mansion soon, and I had to drop the papers off at the Sixth's. “I'll see you the day after tomorrow in the mansion? Seven o'clock in the morning. Try to get a day off, hmm?”

He said he would get a week off, and I thrilled. It would be fun.

xxxxx

“Ah, Ichimaru. Have you seen Byakuya lately?”

“Hmm? No, Kuchiki-taichou. Is there something wrong?”

The tall captain frowned faintly. “The boy's been taking long lunches for the past few weeks. Ah well. Perhaps he has found something else outside of training and work to occupy his time.”

“Perhaps, Kuchiki-taichou.” I suppressed the smirk. _Good work, Hisana. And Byakuya... never thought you'd have the balls to go against your family's traditions. Fireworks coming up soon, I hope._

 

xxxxx

He arrived just after I woke up. My hair was a bird's nest, I felt sticky and sweaty, and I knew my face was probably blotchy. Yet he made me feel like a prince with a single appreciative glance. “You're punctual as usual.”

His answer was a toe-curling kiss. I melted into him, wanting to fuse into his skin – how I missed that electrical arc that shot through my body. When we parted I was panting. He smiled. “Good morning to you too.” His brow furrowed lightly and I knew he was tasting Zahl from my mouth.

As for how Zahl's taste ended up in my mouth... well, the boy was up too early to go to the exam hall, and he had been far too tense... “He tastes nice, doesn't he?” I commented inanely, trying to redirect my train of thought before Aizen-sama read it. “He's at the advanced written exam, then he has the interview, and then he'll know the results.”

We were heading to the smaller bathroom. Aizen-sama asked, “Intelligent?”

I pondered over my choice of words as I got into the tub. “Fast learner and great adaptability. Confident and obedient. Too strong a personal moral code, but we can use it to our benefit.”

He raised his brows at that but didn't probe. Instead he began to massage shampoo into my hair. I relaxed, loving the firm and sensual pressure of his fingers. Then I added, “When he graduates, he'll make a fine lieutenant.”

“For me?” teased Aizen-sama.

“No,” I countered firmly. “The best lieutenant for you is me.” My shoulders were tight from sleeping on my side. “But he can be Tousen's second. Man'll love that, the kid's responsible and loyal.”

“Lots of good qualities,” he commented, “Maybe I'll get to see them later.”

“Maybe,” I said after kissing his hands. “Help me out.”

He wrapped me up in a towel, trapping my arms, then caught me up in his. He carried me off towards the bedroom, but paused at the threshold. I noticed the frown that creased his brow, and I knew he wasn't looking to spend time in the dirtied sheets.

“The guest bedroom is laid out and unused,” I murmured, trying to sound innocent. He gave me that _look_ , and we headed for the other room. As he dried me with the towel his fingers suddenly dug into my waist. I shouted with laughter, surprised by the mischief – Aizen-sama was always very poised and immaculate. Instinctively I tried to resist, only to prompt a greater attack and soon I was begging for mercy, my breathless gasps matched by his relaxed, grinning face. I tilted my head back, a silent plea, and he was soon sucking on the base of my throat. I clung to him, loving how he could reduce me to a trembling mess with the simplest touch.

xxxxx

He cleaned me up, since I was too lazy to take a second bath. “I didn't plan for that to happen,” I said happily after we changed the sheets in both bedrooms. “That was nice.”

“Only 'nice'?” He was fishing for compliments.

I wrinkled my nose but gave in. “Earth-shattering. Blinding. Unbelievable.” All true, anyway; I had blacked out with my second orgasm.

He chuckled. “Chalk it up to my irresistible charm.”

“You're getting arrogant, Aizen-sama,” I chided. “You need humbling.”

“And who's going to do that?” he asked huskily, snaking an arm about my waist as we headed to the living room. It was still early, so we planned on lunch first.

I snuggled up as we walked in our garden. The birds were singing, the skies were blue, I had my favorite person with me. It was a good day, too rare for us. I hummed a tune, aware that he would merely enjoy the music. He sometimes lamented the fact that he was tone-deaf, but since he never sang anyway, that was fine.

“What did you have in mind anyway?” he asked. I plucked a flower from the lawn and stuck it behind my ear. Aizen-sama kissed my temple and I placed it behind his ear.

I pretended to think. “Well, I did think about nuzzling you to death, or perhaps massaging you all over with scented oils and then throwing in a good meal. Then I realized you'd really hate being kissed and licked all over, so I'm thinking about doing that.”

“Please don't do that,” he said jokingly.

“Oh I will definitely do that. And I'm gonna drip honey all over ya, just so you're sticky and sweet while I taste you all over.”

“Ugh, I hate it when you do that. Don't do that. Ever.”

“Oh, and I have a selection of feathers I just bought. And an ostrich feather boa I plan to wear. By itself.”

“Will the torments never cease?” he asked, covering his eyes dramatically, his shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth. “You are evil.”

I grinned wickedly. “You taught me how, remember?”

xxxxx

After a short post-tea snuggle I nudged him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

My fingers lingered over the edge of his yukata. “Come on, let's get started, hmm?” I pulled him to his feet. He followed willingly, draping an arm over my shoulder.

“Clothed or naked?” he asked nonchalantly. I liked the questions he asked.

I pondered the possibilities. “Decisions, decisions...” As if there was any need to deliberate. “Definitely naked.”

He grinned crookedly. “I do like the way you think.”

I slid my hand to his ass and squeezed. “You're probably not gonna like the things I do.”

“You know words can't hurt me.” He pulled me closer to him.

I ducked away with a grin as he nipped at my ear. “Then we'll just have to find out what does.”

xxxxx

The look on his face after I snapped on the reiatsu-limiting collar was worth twice the amount I bribed the penitentiary crew member for. The utter shock of my reiatsu crashing over him and the sudden sheen of perspiration dried out my mouth. He blinked away the pressure, his breathing heavy.

I looped the hemp rope over his neck then down his back, glad that I had taken the hojojutsu class as a upgrading course in hakudo. The rope crossed over his back, around his arms, bringing out the muscles. He obligingly held his wrists behind him, and I quickly finished off the binds. I had to touch him, but I knew Zahl was coming home soon.

“Open your mouth,” I said softly, then I placed the length of silk into it and tied the ends behind his back. He could still breathe, still use his tongue, but it would serve my purpose. Besides, we both knew how the game was played. I rubbed my thumb along the gag, feeling the smooth weave under my skin. “I know I can still hear ya, but that's the test, see? I don't want to hear a single sound from you, got that?”

He nodded. I held my reiatsu back a little. With that limiter on he was as strong as a Rukongai commoner. With a kiss to his brow, my hands played over his chest. His nipples peaked under my teasing and I smiled. The box was already open for easy access.

He inhaled sharply as I slowly tightened the clamps. I knew exactly when to stop – we knew each other's limits and when to push beyond them. Not now, though.

But they looked so tempting... I flicked a tongue over his left nipple, my right hand on his cock. He was still quiescent, but I knew the heat was building. His torso jerked towards me and I pulled away completely.

“Don't even think about it,” I said. I knew he was enjoying himself thus far, and I didn't want him breaking more promises. “I can read your mind by now.”

I slipped my index finger through the collar and forced his head to the floor. “Stay there.” I needed to get myself under control; he looked extremely enticing, hands bound behind him, the cleft of his ass just below, the muscles over his back rippling, the sweat and his scent almost tangible...

_A whip. I need a whip. Focus elsewhere... there._

He jolted up with the first stroke. I pressed him back down with my foot, oddly loving the humility of his position. “I didn't say you could move.”

I lashed him again, lower, lower, laving a series of horizontal marks from his shoulders to his lower back. Idly I ran it from the base of his spine to his neck, noting how he trembled and tensed. My groin was getting heavier from this mastery of my powerful lover. He was expecting more lashes.

Well then.

I got behind him silently and his shoulders tightened, ready for the sting. I licked my lower lip, then knelt down. With a soft growl I bit his inner wrist.

He shouted in surprise. That was one of his most sensitive spots. I licked it, then my tongue danced over the lashings. I groped in the box for my next toy.

_Hmm. Flail. Has potential._

I snapped it quickly over his ass, afraid that if I thought too much I'd hold back. It left thin, reddened streaks, beautiful against white skin. My fingers traced them; I was hypnotized by the brilliant color. He made a guttural sound – pure pleasure – and I chuckled. I snapped the flail again, causing little beads of blood to form. His breathing sped up and I added to the lashes already scratched over his shoulders.

I stepped behind him and hunkered down, raising his hips higher. “You liked that, didn't you?” The play of his muscles over his back and along his legs fascinated me and my hands smoothed over his back before stopping at his hips.

 _A treat or a trick?_ I dug my fingers into the fair skin and dragged down, adding vertical lines to the horizontal streaks of crimson. Turning my wrists at the end of the assault I caressed the bottom of his thighs, then kneaded the sensitive inner thighs before brushing his sack. He fidgeted a little. I smiled and glanced at the clock. _Soon._

After a playful smack on his ass I helped him to his feet. And I laughed a little when I noticed his arousal. A fortnight away really did make his heart grow fonder. We did spend the morning and afternoon making love, so it shouldn't be too horrible a session tonight. Even my Aizen-sama wasn't quite that resilient. I couldn't resist dancing my index finger all along his length; his darkened gaze and sharp intake of breath were worth it. I wrinkled my nose at him. “Ah ah ah... nothing until I give the say so. And believe me... You're gonna have a long wait.”

That glare meant he thought I was pushing my luck. I led him by the collar to the corner and draped his yukata around him. I didn't want him catching a cold. He sat down, grimacing as the small wounds stretched. I kissed his cheek as I reached for the thin reiatsu-limiting cords to bind his hands with.

Reaching under the yukata I looped one end to his wrists and the other to his collar. Then I bound his ankles and linked them to his collar, making sure it wasn't choke-tight. Then, with a grunt, I shifted him into a corner of the closet. “Just to keep you occupied,” I whispered, then moved aside for him to take in the arrangement. “Best view.”

He cocked his head, curious. He knew I was aware of his voyeur tendencies, and too often I had let him 'observe' me in the barracks shower or in the bath. I breathed in the musky scent from below his ear as I tested the bindings one last time. “It _is_ a punishment, Aizen-sama,” I reminded him quietly. With deft fingers I tied the thin strip of leather around his cock and licked the edges of his mouth not obscured by the gag. “You're not gonna get to come tonight, Aizen-sama. What we did earlier was to make sure you won't die of this.”

His eyes widened with protest. I could feel his indignation burning off him, but I wasn't worried: our earlier lovemaking would have, uh, helped him release. Somewhat. But the protest was still in his eyes.

“Oh yes I am,” I laughed at his mute admonition. “Don't worry, there is some assistance. See ya tomorrow, Aizen-sama.”

I pulled the blindfold over his eyes, so that he could shut us out of his mind and calm down if he had to. But the fact that I had tied up, gagged and incapacitated my captain so that he could listen to Zahl and I fucking – while being fully aware that he loved to watch – was completely ludicrous. I giggled to myself as I slid the closet door partway shut, leaving a gap just large enough for air to circulate.

With a deep breath I told myself to calm down and prepare dinner. Zahl would be back soon enough, and I was certain he would pass both the examinations and the interviews. He would devour all the food I cooked, take a nice hot bath, and then proceed to tell me how everything went in the examinations.

And then we would have a reason to celebrate, all night long, in the bedroom, on the bed, as wildly and noisily as possible. And Aizen-sama would then try to kill me when I let him out from the other room, after Zahl had fallen asleep.

 _It's all worth it_ , I grinned to myself. _I'm gonna enjoy this night._

 


	54. 54.

I rolled the kinks out of my shoulder and tried not to wince at the pain in my back. _Boy's a monster._ I grinned indulgently – he was one of the more memorable strays I had picked up. In a way I was glad Aizen-sama was never jealous of my need to explore. Silently I ticked off the boys and girls I had bedded since I returned to Seireitei – and really, Aizen-sama was far too lenient with me.

Speaking of which, my lover was not looking too well in the closet. I snapped the buckle of the reiatsu limiter off, and he broke the other restraints on his own. I was amused when, after untying the leather around his cock, he suddenly had to bow his head and get his bearings back.

“Aren't you gonna kill me?” I murmured.

He made a face at me. “Once I feel better I am going to. Hado?”

I grinned. Did he really think the boy had that much stamina that I had to knock him out with kido? “Nah, just exhaustion.”

We studied Zahl together. Aizen-sama ran his fingers along my arms and linked with my hands. I knew he liked what he saw, but he had to leave. My legs wobbled; he held me up until we were in the corridor.

“Hey,” Aizen-sama whispered, concerned. “You sure you're alright?”

I saw no need to hide the truth from him. “A little woozy from the stimulant the Fourth gave me.”

He glared with understanding. I had popped the stimulant before dinner, and Zahl had been the beneficiary. I wondered if he was annoyed at the fact he hadn't tired me out. Instead, I smiled brightly and said, “I'll see ya in the office, 'kay? Nighty-night.”

He frowned fiercely and pulled me tight against his body. I was sore and it hurt, but his deep kiss pushed away all the aches and pains for that instance. Clinging to his arms, I felt disappointed when he let go.

“You better be punctual, lieutenant, or else I'll put in a request for transfer,” he threatened.

I stuck my tongue out. “Promises, promises.” Behind us I could hear Zahl shift in the sheets. Aizen-sama slapped my ass before I scurried back into the bedroom, and I wrinkled my nose at him. All the pain and aches rushed back to my muscles and I tried to suppress them. Nothing a good long soak in a hot bath couldn't remedy. Before Aizen-sama left, I wiggled a finger and added, “Don't you ever break them again, Aizen-sama. There are plenty where he came from.”

He scoffed softly and I shut the door.

xxxxx

Zahl had been unusually quiet when we reached the gates of the Academy. We arrived early – I didn't want people to see us together.

“Go on, have a good time.” I nudged his shoulder.

“Thanks, Yuki,” he said again. “Can I know your name now?”

I smiled lopsidedly. “You'll find out later. Be good, and you'll find yourself working with me before long.”

“That'd be nice.” The boy seemed sincere. Probably was: he was too earnest and honest to eke a living from the streets. I ruffled his shaggy mane once more before going to work. It had been a sweet interlude, but Aizen-sama was home and I needed him.

xxxxx

“What did you do?”

I shrank back against the door. Kuchiki-taichou towered over me. He wasn't shouting, but his tone was stern enough to make me quail. I was glad Aizen-sama was beside me, shielding me from the immense reiatsu of the nobleman.

“If you hadn't taken my son to that teahouse, he wouldn't have met that lowborn – that, that commoner,” he said. There was real fury behind the calm tone, and I saw how his hands clenched into tight fists.

I moistened my mouth, trying to find the words to defend myself. “But, Kuchiki-taichou, I didn't know-”

“He isn't responsible for your son falling in love with a girl, Kuchiki-san.” Aizen-sama stood in front of me, subtly blocking me from his colleague's anger. “Your son is more than capable of making his own decisions for his own life.”

“Stop shielding your lieutenant, Aizen.”

“I will when you stop shielding yours,” countered Aizen-sama. “This is Byakuya's own decision. He eloped, but all lieutenants' reiatsu signatures are tracked in the twelfth's. Ask them to help you locate him.” The tall captain looked about to lose his ever-present imperturbability, but my captain cut him off again. “I need my lieutenant now, so if you don't mind, we have to return to work.”

xxxxx

“What were you thinking?”

I shrank back in my chair. “Taichou, I really didn't know about this. I had been preoccupied with – other stuff.”

Aizen-sama folded his hands. “Of all the families you tangle with one of the most high-born. Privilege law is still in effect, Gin. If he hadn't chosen to approach you himself – and if I hadn't been here, you would have been in serious trouble.”

“All I did was lunch with Byakuya-san,” I protested. “How was I to know he'd fall in love at first sight?”

“You better pray that the Kuchiki family locate their heir,” warned my captain. Irritably he brushed a lock of hair from his eyes. “If they don't, they might go straight to the soutaichou and not even I can help much. Yamamoto-soutaichou values that noble house very highly.”

I looked glumly at the inkstone on his desk. He seldom used it now, the time for calligraphy being a luxury when time was in short supply. With a sigh he called me to his lap. When I settled down he rubbed my pouting lips.

“Come on, you have to know the potential dangers of tangling with that family,” he coaxed. I continued to sulk. “Gin, stop pouting. It doesn't become you.”

I turned my face away. “It's not my fault.”

“I know,” he tugged me closer to him. “But we have to be prepared. Come now, smile for me.”

I wrinkled my nose at him, then grudgingly allowed a smile. As we leaned in for a kiss, an alarm blared through Seireitei.

“What in the world-” Aizen-sama set me on my feet. I reached out for the two hell butterflies that entered through the window, and we listened in growing silence to the news. And then we sprinted to the meeting hall.

xxxxx

“Half of the Gotei will attend to Hiroshima. The gates will be open in twenty minutes. Be alert: there are reports of hollows swarming the area. They sense a feast of lost souls.” Yamamoto tapped his cane once, twice. “Captains, hold your divisions in order. Divisions one, two, five, six, seven and eleven will move out, the other seven will watch over Soul Society and prepare for the influx. Rinbayashi-taichou will be acting-soutaichou in my absence.”

I tightened my fists. _What device of war kills tens of thousands in one blow?_

Aizen-sama shared a look with me and nodded; I inched closer to his reassuring presence. I knew I could handle this. I knew war was a horrible business, and that people were sacrificed. I knew it all, but as I glanced about me I realized almost all the shinigami – excluding the captains – held a vestige of fear in their expressions.

“Captains, organize your squads.” The old man sighed. “I fear we will need to take some days to complete soul burial and hollow purification, so plan for shifts. You have fifteen minutes now.”

 


	55. 55.

I bit down my gag reflex. The stench, the pure, human decay; the burnt odor of plants and animals; I wasn't the only one trying to suppress the nausea. But we had a job to do. “All right, kiddos, you know what ta do. I'll stand watch for hollows. Anyone under the rank of fifteen – if you see large hollows, you run. Don't get in my way.”

They nodded and scattered off. I smiled: they were shaping up fine. Aizen-sama liked to understand them and I liked to bewilder them, so all in all, we made a great team. As I picked my way over the bodies and through the screaming souls – all screaming for water – I felt a rip in the fabric of dimensional continuity.

I swear, I've gotta stop reading Aizen-sama's periodicals. I barely understand what I'm thinking sometimes.

An adjuchas poked its head through the tear, its white skull grinning maliciously at me. The glare I directed at the nearest few shinigami sent them scurrying, while the higher seated officers stood behind me. I risked a quick tally: not good. I only had a tenth seat and a seventh seat, while three other twelfth seats stayed far behind. Still, I knew I could hold this one long enough for some proper damage to be done.

I snapped out the order, “Stay behind me. Don't attack until my signal and when you do, use kido, aim for the mask. Do not attack with zanpakuto unless I fall, get it?”

They hastily chorused an understanding. I released Shinsou and shove the blade through its eye before it knew what was happening. The blade caught for a second in the hard bone, but I insisted and my zanpakuto responded with a beautiful slash through the mask.

“One down,” I drew Shinsou back. And then I swore. Beckoning to Aoki, the tenth seat hurried up with a comm unit. I snapped it open. “Taichou, we have a problem. Adjuchas.”

“ _How many?”_

“A whole crapload. I can't retreat, there's too many.” A dozen, perhaps; I wouldn't be able to do more than hold the line for twenty seconds, thirty on the outside. I motioned for them all to retreat as discreetly as possible. “Yanaihara and Itakura won't be able to handle them either. Shit!”

Shinsou dispatched one more – another sneak attack that didn't slow down the others. “Another two dozen swarming out, along with gillian. Some help please?”

_Like perhaps Aizen-sama yourself? Really could do with you here right now._

Aizen-sama's voice snapped over the lousy connection. _“Hold the line open, Gin.”_ He then switched to another line and I waited, tense. We could hear the anguished yowling, but none of us could really help. Aizen-sama was probably on his way, but we were too far apart. Who was coming?

“...He's right, there is a lot,” said someone just behind me.

I looked up and froze. “Kuchiki-taichou.”

“Come on, Ichimaru. Watch my back.” The captain stepped into the fray and I relaxed a little, until I felt the unmistakable reiatsu pressure of Zaraki Kenpachi rushing into the battlezone.

The line crackled into life. _“Gin, I can't be there myself. Hollows are coming into this sector too. Who's there besides Kuchiki-taichou?”_

“I'm safe,” I assured him. “Zaraki-taichou is here. The squad is safe.”

“ _Good. I'll see you later.”_

I slumped back against the rock wall, relieved. Between the two of them, they could handle the adjuchas almost as easily as Aizen-taichou. The pink-haired lieutenant bounded over to me and joined me behind the wall, where we could observe the fight. “Ne, Fox-eyes, you ain't fightin'?”

“I already took down two adjuchas, Pink 'n' Hyper,” I informed her importantly. “You haven't taken any out yet, have ya?”

She pouted. “Ken-chan is fighting, so I can't. Guess I'll hafta wait my turn.”

I frowned. Her enthusiasm was infectious and she never remembered my name, which was kind of cute in an annoying way. “Hmm. Well, we can play Slaughter the Gillian, how 'bout that?”

We peered at the two captains dishing out punishment in their opposite ways, then shrugged. She said, sort of resignedly, “If there's any left after Ken-chan has his fun.”

“If there's any left,” I agreed, and dodged a chunk of flying debris.

xxxxx

I held his hand, needing the warmth of his skin. “Why do people hurt each other, Aizen-sama?”

“Because they can.” His answer is simple and almost callous, but I detect an undertone of revulsion. Shinigami tended to disdain humans, and I knew Aizen-sama had an almost pathological dislike of the species. But both of us genuinely admired the grace and beauty that came from human imagination – witness Moonlight Sonata, our favorite music; the plays and, recently, the thing they called movies. I say recent – they'd been around for half a century.

But the incongruity of human nature still bugged me. “When we – when we inflict pain on each other, it's because we know we heal so much faster, and we _like_ it.” I flushed a little, aware of how much I liked it when he pushed me to the brink. “And I know you'll take care of me if I really am hurt.”

 _And the other strays you pick up and toss?_ My mind questioned sarcastically, but I merely directed a mental snort at it. Those didn't matter an inch. Besides, I paid them well after I was done.

“I already have,” he reminded me obliquely. I scoffed. That mind-trip he sent me on – however inadvertently – had opened my eyes to the realities of shinigami existence. Besides, he brought me back. His thumb caressed mine and he continued softly, “We're not complete innocents, Gin. We know the addictive power in taking lives.”

I tried again to express my argument. ““But we also know reincarnation occurs. _They_ don't. And yet they can – I was at a school earlier, and so many...”

So many children, some still holding hands. There weren't many of them, but enough to turn my stomach.

Aizen-sama was very quiet when he said he had been by a hospital. I shut my eyes against the image of baby souls. Those were the worst. His hand pulled me closer as we walked on silently. There were a few stares from open tent flaps, but they knew better than to interrupt our conversation. Besides, most of them were worn out with their own thoughts.

“I don't understand at all,” I murmured finally. “How can humans even do this?”

He released my hand and pulled me into an embrace. His warmth surrounded me, and I inhaled his unique scent. My shield against the world, and I silently reaffirmed my vow to protect him. “Gin, humans barely understand the world they live in. They aren't much more than beasts of the wild or birds of the air.”

“Will you take me away from all this?” All this pain, all this death, all this... stupidity. To a place where there only him and his warmth mattered.

“When the time comes, love, we'll be completely free of these. No more human garbage for you to endure, no more of this mindless slaughter.” As an emphasis he pressed his lips to my forehead. My heart swelled with pride and affection. “We'll be free of this, away from it all.”

When he looked into my face I beamed at him. “I think I love you.”

“Think?” he asked with a small twinkle in his kind eyes. I ignored what I could see of the stomach-churning view around me and focused on his reassuring presence.

xxxxx

After we completed our watches Aizen-sama and I settled in the same tent. It was set far enough to give us some semblance of privacy and I was glad for the little favor. But I was having a hard time sleeping; the memories of the day rushed through my mind, little flickering images of pain.

“Can't sleep either, huh,” grunted Aizen-sama as he tucked me against him.

I sighed, enjoying the wash of his warm breath over my face. “It's been so long since I was sent on field work. It affected me more than I think I want it to,” I said, my right arm draping easily around his trim waist. “I wonder how the others are taking it.”

“Badly,” my captain whispered. “I heard some crying earlier while we were on patrol. We'll need a morale booster after this.”

“Let's not talk about work,” I said. I caressed the smooth skin available to me at the opening of his keikogi. “Let's not talk at all.”

He stayed my hands. “Let's just rest, hmm? Long day tomorrow too.”

I sighed; I hadn't been in the mood either, but had hoped he was. In a way I wanted him to block out the pictures in my head. As if in response to my thoughts I felt his lips brush mine. I tilted my head and kissed him more firmly, and pressed firm kisses to his chin and jaw. He relaxed – he probably had felt the same tension I had been experiencing. My heart soured with a pang of guilt: I always expected him to make things better for me. I kissed him again, gently, trying to convey my reassurance to him with each contact. Kneading his shoulders with even and slow pressure after I rolled him onto his stomach, he muttered huskily, “Gin?”

“Shh.” His face was turned to the side and I put a finger to his lips. “Just rest.”

He did, almost falling asleep as I massaged the kinks and knots out of his entire body under the uniform. As he rolled to his side again I wormed my way into his embrace.

“Goodnight, love. We have about three hours left,” he murmured muzzily.

I kissed him on his lips and shut my eyes, willing myself to sleep without dreaming.

 


	56. 56.

We were sent home on the second night for the other half of Gotei divisions to take over, save for the Fourth who were on call for medical emergencies. I wanted to cheer if I hadn't been dead man walking on two unsteady feet. The moment Aizen-sama dismissed the squad, my knees buckled.

“Hey, easy there,” he said as he swooped me up in his arms. “You've worked yourself too hard.”

“Shinsou has been fighting me at every turn,” I confided softly. “Took twice as long to kill a Menos Grande than usual.”

He frowned. “Perhaps the radiation really does affect reishi... but Kyoka Suigetsu gave me no problems.”

“Kyoka Suigetsu never gives you problems,” I chided half-heartedly, and fell asleep.

xxxxx

When I woke he wasn't around. I sat up, still groggy with sleep, and found a note by the bedside table.

_'Gin,  
Once you have slept enough, get some food in you. You're all skin and bones._

_The captains and other divisions have been sent to Nagasaki, but you are on leave until you get your reiatsu levels up again. That shouldn't take long, provided you do as I have written._

_Don't slack off either – when I return I want an intra-division tournament planned and ready for next month. On a side note, remember your daily meditation routines – you have to get Shinsou under control and soon. If you can assist in locating Byakuya while we're away, it will be a point in your favor._

_Remember to eat proper food, and rest well. Stay away from the sake stash._

_Aizen Sousuke.'_

I sighed and half-grinned. He was always so careful not to reveal too much of his inner emotions, but really, he was an easy man to read once you got to know him. Folding the note carefully and placing it in the drawer, I went to sleep again.

I knew I would have completed my tasks when he came home.

 

xxxxx

xxxxx

More shinigami were sent home to rest every day. They had worked themselves to the bone, and many shinigami complained of being unable to sleep dreamlessly. By the end of the week everyone was back, but Seireitei ground to a halt. Only the lower ranks were busy, trying to accommodate all the souls that flooded the waiting realm.

I took the chance to wander freely, since most captains were stuck in their quarters on Unohana-taichou's orders to rest and recover for a fortnight. Aizen-sama's energies rallied in two nights, but I convinced him to play the invalid for one more day.

“I feel fine,” he groused. He had slept soundly until the break of noon, devoured a big lunch, and was feeling rather frisky. I turned down his advances, however, since I had finally pinpointed where Kuchiki Byakuya was hiding. Needless to say he wasn't too pleased about it.

I kissed the top of his head, feeling his reciprocal nuzzle below my ribs. “Aizen-sama, I'll make it worth your while, a'right? Feather boa and all – I've been keeping it for your birthday.”

He scowled. “Mmph. Don't wanna wait. Want it now. Been without for too long.”

“Now you're just trying to make me feel all sympathetic and nurturing,” I accused with a short laugh. “Not working!”

“Oh?” He squeezed me closer, burying his face into my skin, nipping and licking. I pushed ineffectually at his shoulders. He chuckled against my stomach. I tried to struggle out of his hold but only ended up pinned beneath his body, his grin openly leering. “Let's see if this works then!”

“What? Oh no, you're not gonna – hey!” I shrieked with laughter as he attacked my sides. His fingers pressed into my waist and danced upwards, while I batted furiously at his hands. His tongue swiped over sensitive skin, followed by teeth, and I tried to kick him away. His hands clenched and I gasped. It hurt. Then his palms were running over my ass and pulling my thighs around him.

“Be quiet and let me play,” he growled below my ear and bit my earlobe, rolling the flesh with his teeth. “Or I'll withhold sex.”

Stunned by the threat, I frowned at him, fingers paused in the process of trying to shove him off me. I knew that the longer it took for me to speak with Byakuya the slimmer the chance of actually persuading him to return. The rest of my body, however, decided I was an idiot and curled about Aizen-sama willingly.

He grinned. “Much better. Maybe I won't play as long as I intended to.”

I nipped at his lower lip, catching it for an instant. “You can't withhold sex from me,” I said, “I won't let you.”

“I've lived far longer without your heat around me than you have without my cock in you, lover,” he taunted. I shivered. He was seldom vulgar, and even the slightest hint was incredibly salacious. He shifted up, rubbing his heavy excitement along my lower torso and eliciting a breathless moan. “See? You can't survive without this. You like having me stick it in you every which way, and I will... if you cooperate.”

“Let go of me or I'll withhold sex too,” I warned, trying to gather my rapidly-melting resolve. “I've to get Byakuya before he runs off toonnnngh. Nh. Ahngh.” His brow twitched triumphantly. I glared at him, resenting the mischief about his eyes. “No fair.”

“You know you can't resist me,” he whispered with a chuckle and rocked his hips again. I groaned and rolled my head back, hating how responsive I was to his touch. He followed up with lingering kisses along my arched neck, sucking on my Adam's apple as I swallowed, hands now gently guiding my arms to circle his shoulders. “You know there is no way you can withhold sex from me.”

“No fair,” I repeated, soon reduced to whimpering as he stroked and caressed my body. In a few moments I had no control over it anymore; he was dominating every response, every movement. I was trapped in a delicious prison of the senses – he was reminding me exactly who held the reins in the relationship.

When his fingers slid down my spine, over my opening and teased my balls, my breath quickened and I felt my face heating up. My back arched into him as he began stretching me, his mouth closed lightly around the head of my cock, just grazing the tip with little swipes of his tongue. He knew exactly how to start me begging, because when I found myself restrained from thrusting up deeper into his mouth, promises and pleas started spilling out in a broken torrent. He only chuckled, freeing the exploring hand to run light, almost-not-there touches all over my most sensitive skin. I could feel tears seeping out the corners of my eyes and my fingers gripped and released his shoulders convulsively. There were little weals that only prompted him to blow lightly over the wet and seeping head, cooling it, then warming it with a slow roll of his tongue. I knew I screamed with frustration, but he held me down, fingers and mouth collaborating with easy confidence to reduce me to a babbling idiot.

My legs kicked out and bent again, toes curling. I couldn't even look anymore, trying to bite the sounds into my forearm. He pulled my left arm down, forcing me to pay attention to him. My gaze was caught in his lust-darkened one. The small part of my mind still able to think wondered at his superb self-control, and then that logical and observant part shattered the instant he swallowed me completely into his mouth.

xxxxx

When I was finally able to leave the house – with the promise to return and continue with the feather boa I had secured illegally – I winced at the aches all down my back. Never was I going to allow him to go without sex for more than a week again. Aizen-sama might be the most dignified shinigami in the entire world, but he was also equally dedicated to making up for lost time. I stretched and plodded along, trying to shut away the grimaces.

Eventually I reached the gates. Jidanbou was sitting by the gate, not really heeding the flow of shinigami in and out of Seireitei, since so many lower ranked officers were taking the opportunity to visit their 'families' with the break in routine. Yamamoto hadn't disallowed it, so Jidanbou probably felt it was permitted. I strolled to the edge of the first district before my soreness faded to a manageable nagging in the back of my head.

“O-kay, Byakuya-san... lessee, last evening placed you in the west third... and this morning in the southwest of the third. Hmm, poor lass, gotta keep moving with ya. And now you should be right in this direction.” I folded the papers into my top, and sped off to locate my colleague. I had to talk some sense into that elegantly handsome and thick skull.

xxxxx

“You have got to be kidding me,” I said for the twentieth time. “You're not going back because you want to prove a point. And what point would that be, exactly?”

“That I am not just a Kuchiki,” Byakuya said as he stacked laundered robes into their carrying case. “I'm also a person, and I have to be with a person I love.”

I folded my arms. “You aren't just a Kuchiki. You're also the heir to the entire frikkin' Kuchiki estate, a lieutenant of the sixth, and a damn promising shinigami.”

“I resigned. My letter was on my father's table.” He glanced at Hisana, who was preparing dinner in a corner of the dilapidated hut they had found themselves. “I'm not going back.”

I sighed and ruffled my hair. “Look, Byakuya-san, this is no way to live. You know your father will track you – if I can find you, they probably know where you already are.”

“I'll fight them.”

“And you're willing to risk Hisana?” I nodded at the woman as I asked in a low voice. “She won't be able to withstand the reiatsu assault, you know that.”

With a hissed-out exhalation Byakuya closed the case. I added, “And what kind of life can you offer her, out here on the run?”

He stared at the case, then inquired quietly, “What do you suggest then?”

“You go back now, of your own accord, at least you have some leeway to negotiate. The Gotei needs you far more than you need them, you know that. Use it to your advantage.” I lowered my voice further, angling myself to obstruct Hisana's view. “I'm sure they will be more than willing to accept a Rukongai commoner into their ranks than lose an only son.”

He looked past me, at his wife. “They won't accept her.” A diamond-hard light glinted in his eyes as he turned to me. “They have _rules_.”

If he hadn't been brought up with all proper etiquette drilled into his brain I knew he would have spat the last syllable. I tweaked a smile. “You also have me, my captain, and half a dozen other highly-ranked shinigami on your side.”

His alabaster brow furrowed. I restrained my urge to roll my eyes at his obtuseness. My hands gestured as I elaborated, “You don't speak to your family elders direct, because they'll just imprison you and get rid of Hisana. You stay with, well, not me, since your dad's kinda pissed at me already, but surely Aizen-taichou, Ukitake-taichou and Kyoraku-taichou are more than capable of championing you. As do Rinbayashi-taichou, she's always had a soft spot for cute young men like the two of us. Soi Fon-taichou may not be accommodating but Omaeda's family likes you too. Unohana-taichou would definitely be on your side, and perhaps even Zaraki-taichou since that pink-haired monster adores you so much.”

Byakuya looked at me for a long beat, before he lowered his lashes. I grinned widely, knowing he had given in to my infallible logic. If I had grown up in a proper family as a human, I might have been a lawyer.

“Hisana-chan!” I bounced over and sampled the stew she was making. “After this, you and Bya-kun are gonna follow me, okay?”

“Where will we be going?” Her question was directed at her husband instead of me. I served myself a bowl of stew. Hmm. She was a great cook.

Byakuya paused as he turned the matter over in his head. “We'll go to Zaraki-taichou's.”

I choked. “Are you sure?” I managed. Hisana was apologetic and offered to refill my bowl. I focused on him. “Zaraki-taichou.”

Byakuya smiled enigmatically. “Hisana can handle the lieutenant, and Zaraki-taichou will be more than able to fend off my family, even if he is low-born.”

I bristled inwardly at the insult but rejoiced when I saw Byakuya quail under Hisana's gentle glare. She was good for him, knocking off some of those 'noble family' airs.

Perhaps it was the romantic in me talking, but I found myself wanting them to be happy. Really happy. Or perhaps it was because Aizen-taichou and I could never have a formal acknowledgment of our relationship – nothing like a marriage ceremony – that I felt the pang of something lost.

As dinner progressed my ebullient mood faded to a pantomime of cheeriness. I found myself brooding over Aizen-sama's reluctance to admit his feelings for me. I was certain he was fond of me, but I had been fond of Zahl. Was that the extent of his affection? Did I mean anything beyond a lover or a pet? He had said I was his right hand, his parasathenes, but I wanted to be more. I wanted to be everything to him. Perhaps I was selfish – a man like Aizen-sama could not be restricted to me alone. Not that he was. He had never said he loved me, other than the time I asked him to lie to me. I had said before that I couldn't handle love, but that was before I realized just how much I loved my captain.

Now I knew. Not surface, tingly-feelings-want-to-be-closer adoration, but in-my-guts-and-bone-and-blood love.

I never knew I could feel this much.

How could anyone bear with so much feeling within?

Hisana must have noticed my mood, because she asked if I felt alright. I smiled broadly. “Of course I am, Hisana-chan. Righ' now, only the pair o' ya matters. And I know it'll all turn out all right.”

“I hope so, Gin-dono,” she said with an answering smile. Then she murmured softly, “Thank you. Byakuya-dono refused to listen when I tried to dissuade him from this path.”

I snorted. “Byakuya-san has the malleability of a diamond. And the intelligence of coal.”

“I can hear you both,” he remarked from the dish-washing area. “Stop talking about me.”

Hisana and I exchanged a glance and she giggled. I liked hearing her laugh. “Oi, Bya-kun!”

“Don't call me that, Ichimaru,” he warned as he dried his hands. I chuckled at the sight of a domesticated Byakuya, so different from his Gotei appearance. “It's still Kuchiki-san to you.”

“Bya-kun,” I said again, dragging out the vowel sounds. He narrowed his eyes and I grinned. “Try to make her laugh at least once a day, okay? I will check – and dole out some punishment if you don't live up to your end of the bargain.”

“You have no say in how we run our marriage-”

I cut in with a superior smirk. “I introduced you to her, and I've shown you how to take care of your problem, and she knew me before she knew you existed. I'd say I'm pretty darn qualified ta give you hell if you ever mistreat her.”

I grinned at Byakuya, he glared daggers at me, and Hisana beamed at the both of us. I clapped my hands. “Alrighty then, time to seek help from a known mass murderer and a hyperactive ill-mannered brat!”

Even as they prepared to leave, I found myself musing over the nagging self-doubt: how important was I to Aizen-sama, really?

 

 


	57. 57.

When the day come for Byakuya to meet his father, Aizen-sama and I were there at Zaraki-taichou's an hour early before the intervention. Hisana was playing with Yachiru, patiently teaching her some tricks with a length of string. Byakuya sat on the side, just observing his wife and the lieutenant, while Zaraki sat sprawled on the floor opposite. Aizen-sama nodded at his colleague and went to talk to him, while I made my way to Yachiru and Hisana.

“Hey, girls. Whatcha playin'?”

“I'm teaching her how to form string pictures,” said Hisana, merriment dancing in her eyes, “and we're making some progress.”

“I tied Baldie up this morning!” chirped Yachiru proudly. “He's still stuck!”

I smiled. “I see. Can I play too?”

“Who are you gonna tie up with string, Smiley-eyes?”

I chuckled, my gaze darting to my captain. “Shan't tell. Come on, teach me. Pretty please?” Hisana blushed; she had seen that flicker in my eyes. I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I'm sure you'd like to do the same to a certain Byakuya, hmm?”

She blushed even more, head bowed, the smile deepening in her face. Byakuya frowned faintly but didn't come over to inquire. Probably figured his Hisana was safe from me. If not for the fact I did genuinely like the woman I might have proven him wrong.

Perhaps I would prove him wrong, someday in the future. It could prove amusing.

Then I looked up and met the warm brown eyes of my captain, and I felt the stirring of a now-familiar discomfort at the back of my throat. If only I had been born female, then perhaps... but he would never tell me. He liked his little secrets, even though he had revealed many to me. How he really felt about Ichimaru Gin would be a secret until the end. I was certain of it, and it made me sick.

If only I could read him as easily as he read me.

xxxxx

The matter concluded satisfactorily, and I admired how Zaraki-taichou had adroitly lent his support to Byakuya. If not for the battle-loving captain, Byakuya and Hisana might never find a way to stay together. Before we left them I went up to Hisana to ask her how she tamed the little hyperactive pink particle.

“Oh it's easy!” she said, while Byakuya waited a few feet away. He still didn't like me, for which I was rather insulted by. Who gave the idea that saved his and his lady's futures? She lowered her voice and murmured, “Just keep a stash of candy on you at all times. If it's honey flavored, she becomes really docile.”

I smiled more widely. “Thanks, Hisana. Much appreciated.”

Aizen-sama waited by the door, talking to Ukitake and Unohana-taichou about some other matter. I sauntered up to them, stopping two paces behind as usual. Unohana nodded at me and Aizen-sama turned. “Ah, Gin. Ready to go?”

“Yes, taichou.”

To my surprise he walked over and linked hands with me. We very seldom engaged in such displays, knowing we had to keep a low profile. Ukitake smiled benignly at me as we passed; I knew a pink flush was spreading across my cheeks.

“Ai-Aizen-taichou, I think I'll keep to the usual,” I stuttered as we walked down the street.

He pulled me closer to him instead. “Not yet. Wait until we're out of their line of sight.”

“Hm?”

“Don't think I didn't notice your exchange with the woman. She's off limits now, Gin,” he warned, though his tone was still light. “I cannot afford to involve the Kuchiki family in any way. Watch them so that you can stay away from them.”

I halted. He didn't hold hands with me because he wanted to, but to tell me off. We separated, and he continued walking ahead. My heart sank, for some reason I didn't care to comprehend.

In fifteen minutes we had reached our quarters. He slid the doors open and entered first, holding it for me. “Penny for your thoughts, Gin.”

I said nothing at first and removed his haori. Seeing that he was anticipating an answer, I picked a random sentence from the chaos in my mind. “I just thought it was sweet of Byakuya to want his father's blessings for his marriage.”

I tugged off my sandals and socks, then brushed a hand through my fringe, smoothing out some tangles. He stepped up close behind me and pulled me into his arms. I resisted for a second, but relaxed, deciding to enjoy what I can get and turned to face him. He pressed his mouth to my cheek before whispering in my ear, “Gin, do you want to go for a walk now? Or are you tired?”

“I'm feeling okay, but walk where? It's night time now, hardly anything to see.”

He smiled broadly after kissing my nose and I was genuinely perplexed. It was possible he was going to take me star-gazing, but it was rather cloudy tonight. He wrapped a thick cloak about me and I fingered the material. Where were we headed that needed cloaks? “What's this for?”

Extending a finger he tapped on the space before us. Suddenly a neat series of tears opened and I was looking into a swirling void. The path to Hueco Mundo.

He held a warm hand out for me and I frowned, a little afraid. “That's a new trick,” I said as I took the proffered hand. He grasped it more firmly, seeing through my inane comment.

I bit my lower lip as he sped us through to Las Noches. What was he thinking of?

xxxxx

I gaped.

It was massive – I tried to form a basic mental layout of the entire complex based on what I dimly recalled, but my brain faltered at the enormity of the task.

“How... how did it become so... big? It was already huge and this is...” I tried to form a coherent sentence and failed spectacularly. Whatever was plaguing me earlier was made even more inconsequential with the sheer grandeur of the new Las Noches. “Is there a word beyond motherfucking unbelievably _humongous_?”

Aizen-sama merely chuckled and led me by my hand to the right. “The east gate first, Gin. An old friend for you to meet.”

I took in the smooth white walls, so different from my recollection of the ruined stone surfaces. The cool surface was like marble, yet colder. When we came to the gate I stared at the immense black metal doors that gleamed dully. Aizen-sama pushed them open with one single push of his left hand and I traipsed in after him, trying to take in the vaulted ceilings and the clean corridors.

He laughed low in his throat as I circled on the spot. “Gin, the friend I mentioned is here.”

“Where?” I ran up to him, exhilarated at the open space available and the clean lines of the rebuilt Las Noches. It felt like I was in his mind – the stark, straight lines that belied its complexity, the apparent emptiness hiding a multitude of secrets. I could feel the thrum of dark reiatsu threading across the structure, reiatsu of Aizen-sama-knows how many hollows.

He indicated a small alcove where a figure was seated. Not seated: bound. I stepped closer, trying to identify the mutilated, maskless face. Its chest cavity was open, a heart within connected to multiple wires pounding slowly.

“I know you,” it rasped suddenly and I twitched. That oily voice, that sneer... I remembered this creature. It snarled again. “You're his _puto..._ From that time...”

I stepped closer, noticing how its – his arms were disconnected from his shoulders save for a length of nerves, as were his legs from his hips. The black skin, once gleaming, now hung in regular-sized strips. “Gee, that must sting,” I commented. “I guess it really wouldn't make much of a difference if I ask Aizen-sama to do the same to your elbows and knees, fingers and toes then, would it?”

“LET ME OUT!! LET ME DIE!!!”

I tilted my head and studied the monstrosity installed in a timeless coffin. “Hesperus, Hesperus, Hesperus. If I could undo a setup like this...” I sighed regretfully. “I still wouldn't do it. I remember what you said to me, Hespy. And I do know what _puto_ means. You got one heck of a cushy setup... enjoy it, baby.”

It screamed again, emitting a raw wail of anguish and the terror of changelessness. I stepped aside to avoid the rush of sound, my grin broadening. “You seem perturbed. Aizen-sama, I think you should install a water feature here to help him relax. Perhaps the sound of water dripping slowly on stone, hmm?”

“Of course,” he replied easily, then spoke aloud to empty air. “Szayel, I know you're monitoring us at the east gate. See that the suggestions are implemented by tomorrow. Wake Stark up, get him to gather everyone in the main hall.”

“ _Yes Aizen-sama,”_ a voice echoed from nowhere and I grinned and remarked, “Effective for scaring people.”

He chuckled with my assessment and offered his hand again. “To the main hall, shall we?”

“We shall.”

xxxxx

There were perhaps two to three dozens gathered. Some already had humanoid forms, and their reiatsu pulsed darkly; some had half-masks or fragments of masks, and their reiatsu levels varied from an academy student's to Tousen-level. I raised my brow slightly in approval: those without masks probably had been the stronger hollows that survived my lover's experimentations. All of the hollows, masked and partially unmasked, stood in a loose formation within a ring of raised seats.

Lounging in seat number one was a lanky individual, whose half-lidded eyes and perpetual nonchalance reminded me of Kyoraku-taichou. On his left was a very tall one, an insolent smirk from what I could see, the mask still obscuring half his face. Along the row was a blue-haired tufted-eared hollow, whose gaze practically snarled with territorial intent and its tail weaving lazy possessiveness over its place; then a black-haired, solemn hollow whose mask formed a helmet. It looked placid, but I could sense its reiatsu in a tight sphere about itself, keeping out everyone else.

Then three females, one already unmasked and smugly arrogant with her status, the second unreadable, her face covered by the robe she wore, and one with vivid green hair. All had voluptuous, full figures, I observed, knowing that Aizen-sama probably had tried them out. Probably at the same time too. I wondered if they had been good lays, but I figured Aizen-sama would let me find out for myself if I was inclined to.

As I studied the ranks a pink-haired hollow slid into an empty seat, the mask about its eyes not hiding its gleeful triumph. Then a muscular, arrogant fellow with pointed ends to his hair, and then a dark-skinned hollow that was far too reminiscent of Tousen for my liking, and a small, blond hollow, somewhat like a boy, that sat with his knees up and his feet tucked on the chair. Pretty little thing, but his eyes glared at me as his gaze flicked from my lover to my face. If I didn't know anything, I'd say it was jealous.

_Sweet._

Aizen-sama was seated in a large chair that could probably fit three more, the seat elevated above the others. I recognized it to be a subtle reinforcement of his power and status – he had mentioned how important it was to keep up appearances.

“I know you're wondering why I've assembled you.” He didn't have to raise his voice at all; the soft chatter silenced with the very first vowel. I loved how his voice flowed, how each syllable is enunciated clearly and richly. Then I gave my mind a subtle shake. _Stop obsessing over everything he does._

_Like I can._

_You can try. He cares nothing for you in that manner._

_So? I love him. That is enough._

_You are pathetic._

_Shut up, head. He's looking at me._

_Fine. Fanatic._

_Shut up._

The little argument in my head took mere seconds. He had his eyes on me and I stepped forward, basking in the warmth of his approval. Aizen-sama took my hand again, the tender crushing of my fingers grounding me in the here-and-now.

“... so now I'm introducing Ichimaru Gin.”

I let my smile wash over the audience. Suddenly there was a rush of soft discussion among them, while the seated hollows watched me with narrowed eyes.

“Aizen-sama, y'mean he's like Tousen-san? We gotta listen ta him while he listens t'ya?” The pretty blond hollow asked snidely. “Or is he third-in-command, below Tousen-san?”

“A valid query,” answered my captain, hand now pulling me closer. I settled on the armrest of the chair, enjoying the poisonous looks thrown at me from various creatures. Aizen-sama had been beguiling them again, and they _worshiped_ him.

_I don't blame them._

The object of my affections waited for the babble to die out before answering. “Gin is not my second-in-command. He is also not my third-in-command.”

I waited, fingers stilled by his grasp. I loved his hands, warm and soothing, wild and demanding, tempting and seductive. He glanced at the secretive smile on my face, as if reading my mind – probably is, the perceptive man – and went on, “Gin is not under my command at all.”

He swept a look around the hall. Some, like the relaxed lounger in the first seat, merely twitched his lips. That was a smart and deep one, I realized; he understood. The teal-haired one merely twitched his ears.

The blond was really dumb, though. “So we don't gotta listen to him, ne?”

Aizen-sama was incredibly patient. “Gin is not under anyone's command, Soljan Lyon, and the only other person not under anyone's command within the walls of Las Noches is me.”

The blond – Soljan? - twisted his mouth into a sneer. “But he's weak. His reiatsu is light and barely there. We listen t'ya cos ya strong. I don't hafta listen to one as weak as him just cos he's your favrit.”

“Oh?” The note of warning was there in my lover's voice. The more perceptive ones looked away or shut their eyes. Soljan was still glaring at me, the sneer condescending.

I rested my free hand on Aizen-sama's shoulder. He flicked his gaze to me, then smiled a little. I would handle it.

Pulling my hand from his grip, I left the chair. “You're right, you don't have to listen to me. I'm no one special, see? I'm just a shinigami who has been with Aizen-sama for decades. Just someone devoted to his will, his ambition, his dreams.” I grinned, my teeth showing. “I'm just someone who understands and carries out my captain's every whim. Why should someone reeking of reiatsu like you listen to one such as me?”

The blond relaxed into his seat, feet now dangling over the edge. His sneer turned into a smirk. “Ya makin' sense now, eh?”

In a flash I was behind him, on his chair. The heavier reiatsu density here was wonderful for kido and shunpo and all other reiatsu-related activities, like inhaling air washed through the lungs of fir forests. Back to the task at hand. Soljan had swiveled about, stunned at my speed. “How-”

I grabbed the back of his head with my left hand, Shinsou in my right, blade's edge poised over his throat. The edge of the mask the curved over his ears cut into the back of my right hand but I ignored it. “Yep, you don't have to listen to me. And, vice versa, I don't have to listen to you.”

My grip tightened. “I definitely don't have to listen to your whines as my nails dig into your scalp and press against your skull. Neither do I need to pay any heed to your last urp.”

“What... what urp?”

I grinned again, more for the benefit of the captivated audience. With a small surge of reiatsu directed at my left hand I sank my digits into brain matter. Bone fragmented against my palm and I reveled in the rush of adrenaline.

His breath caught in his throat, choked out before he died.

I lowered my mouth to the dead hollow's ear. “ _That_ urp.”

Aizen-sama's lopsided smile sent hell butterflies fluttering in my belly. He peered at the thunderstruck audience of hollows. “Let me reiterate the point. Anyone who feels Gin needn't be listened to can stay here. Otherwise you may leave.”

I couldn't help noting how very fast they exited, save for the teal-haired creature and the brunette. Aizen-sama came over to me and kissed my forehead. I wrinkled my nose even as my smile became a touch more tender. “He dirtied my hand,” I complained delicately.

“So he did,” he responded, idly kicking the body off the raised seat to the floor below. “Let's find you a place to clean up, hmm? Then we can continue with the tour.”

He took me to another room and I washed up. As I dried my hands of the fluffy towel hung on the rail our gaze met in the mirror. My heart skipped a beat; even with his glasses on there was no masking the potency of this man. And yet...

He had just made me his equal, before all of his loyal subjects. He had given me my place in his world.

What else did I want? What else did I need?

“Aizen-sama.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

 


	58. 58.

“I love you.”

That sudden warmth in his eyes – even if there was no other change in his expression – made my outburst worthwhile. I wondered why I didn't say it more often. He wrapped me in his strong arms and buried his face in the back of my neck, just breathing me in. I dropped my head further, loving the feel of his hot breath on my skin, the feel of his strong arms about my waist. And when his teeth scraped over the already sensitized skin I shivered.

“Finally.” He nuzzled into the back of my neck, his breath moving the fine hairs and tickled my skin. I looked at him in the mirror. His eyes were lit with the gleam of amusement and triumph. “Took you long enough. Decades, lover... You really are slow to realize it.”

I chuckled. “You planned this out, didn't you? For how long?”

“From the moment you followed me back to my home and didn't leave. I wanted you to love me. But you were always so afraid to feel...” his tone was soft, almost tender. I leaned into his embrace. It felt so good to finally admit to myself how I felt. “You had been tortured physically before we met, but I think a betrayal from a loved one had scared you into hiding your emotions.”

“So you wanted to help me feel again?” I asked, pressing his hands into my body. “So altruistic of ya.”

He laughed shortly. “I was selfish, Gin. You were opening up to Matsumoto and I made you break that off. Your affections must belong to me only.”

“A monopoly on Ichimaru Gin, hmm?” I sighed. His fingers tightened and we pressed closer. “Then why did you let me sample so many toys outside?”

“Because you care nothing for them.”

“True enough.” Although he had just admitted to being selfish, I felt differently: he wanted me to belong to him. He wanted all of me, from flawed personality to wicked wit to the twisted enjoyment of pain. Only Aizen-sama had wanted the complete me; every other lover I had wanted a facet only.

He wanted everything.

““Have your doubts left you, Gin?” he murmured behind my ear before he licked along the rim. I shuddered. “Do I have to reassure you further?”

“Yes. Tell me,” I urged softly, twisting around to face him. “Tell me who I am. What I am. Tell me you love me.”

“No, I won't.” He pressed his mouth to mine, sealing off all other demands. His tongue pressed into me and I sucked on it before fighting back with my own. Gods, he tasted so good. I could drink him in forever. His hands pushed up the curve of my spine, pressing me closer to him, and I melted into the embrace. He pulled away, licking my swollen lower lip, his breath mingling with mine. “I will never tell you that. You will just have to see for yourself.”

“Why can't you tell me that?” I asked roughly, my fingers digging into the cords of his shoulders. “I want to hear it. I want to hear it from you.”

He growled as I attacked his mouth again, before we separated enough for him to say, “No. You already know the truth. There is no such necessity.”

“Necessity be damned.” I snaked my arm around his waist, holding myself flush against him and sliding my thigh between his legs. I could feel him respond and I purposely ground my hips against his leg. “Necessity is only the basics. I already have the basics. I'm asking for more.”

“Greedy. It's not enough to be my equal? My other?” He kissed me again before biting down. I cried out, tasting copper-salt, knowing he had drawn blood. “It's not enough to know that?”

“No. I want more.” I grinned boldly, abruptly aware of being of the same height as he, and also very aware of the heat of his arousal and mine. “I want more, now.”

“Then more you will not get.” He shoved me into the wall, one hand on either shoulder, pinning me to the wall. “I've been far too accommodating.”

“You spoil me. You always spoil me too much, and then you try to break me, and you can't. You know you can't and you do it.” I laughed as he licked and bit down my neck. “What is the definition of insanity again, Aizen-sama?”

He growled again. “And what's the name they would give to you, Gin? Taking the pleasure and the punishment I dole out, as if it's all one and the same.”

“They are the same,” I argued while I removed his belt. He exhaled heavily as I cupped and stroked his erection over the heavy material. I licked my lips slowly. “Without the pain, how would I know what is pleasure?”

“And so...” he hissed; I was adoring his arousal leisurely with my hands, deliberately placed over the rough weave. He studied my face with half-lidded eyes. “And so we repeat the cycle. You wish to learn... and I... wish to teach.”

With a small grin my right hand slid past his belt and into his pants. He pressed his cheek against mine, his breath hot and moist on my ear. My left hand was on the small of his back and he moved against me slowly. Briefly I debated whether to entertain myself as well, but he cut off that thought when his warm hand rubbed my erection, the friction of the thick fabric erotic. My mind hazed over.

“Shall we begin the lesson?” he whispered in my ear. “Instructions will be given-” his tongue darted into my ear and swirled over the earlobe “-and there will be a demonstration.”

My breath hitched as his hand slipped past the belt and wrapped around heated skin.

“Ready?” he asked again. I nodded, kissing his ear. “Follow my instructions closely, lover.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

A little afterwards we wound our way through the labyrinthine halls, now and then meeting a hollow or two. Aizen-sama shared a little about his 'pets'.

Stark was his first. The adjuchas had been severely injured by Hesperus, and Aizen-sama had healed the creature. A few months ago my captain had found the way to force the mask off – not as elegantly as he believed Urahara's hougyoku could do, but it was sufficient for his purposes – and Stark had been the first beneficiary. It was rather draining on Aizen-sama's reiatsu levels though, despite his natural resilience, and so the process of shinigamifying the hollows was slow-going and he had to determine which of his new subjects could receive the honor first.

Once I knew how he was shinigamifying the creatures I realized that his exhaustion came about not from our official duties, but from preparing his fortress and his soldiers.

The teal-haired hollow with the tufted ears and tail he called Grimmjow. “He has his own loyal clique.”

“That could be dangerous,” I pointed out.

He just smiled. I snorted, knowing he had probably planned to use this Grimmjow to foster some healthy competition among his chosen few.

Other than Stark and Grimmjow he also described the three females: Halibel, the robed one who was in the middle of being unmasked; Cirruca, the brunette who had left the room last; Neliel, the green-haired innocent. Aizen-sama left her untouched and unmarred. “Stark likes her, so I'm leaving her for him.”

“You still spoil your favorites,” I said a little snidely.

“He's the same as Tousen, Gin.” Aizen-sama patted my shoulder. “You're the only one who shares that seat with me.”

I sniffed disbelievingly. “Really. Somehow, I just don't trust you.”

“You're really getting spoiled.” His tone held a hint of warning.

I raised a brow, and smirked. “Feel free to discipline me, _taichou_.”

“That an invitation or a challenge, fukutaichou?”

Before I could answer we met another one of his selected. It was the helmeted hollow waiting before an entryway to a flight of stairs. Ulquiorra, I thought his name was. Obedient and anti-social, with a pride the equal or better of Byakuya. His skin looked invitingly white and I wondered what he would look like mask-less. If he possessed even a fraction of Byakuya's beauty... I licked the corner of my mouth anticipatively.

Aizen-sama nodded at the hollow, who disappeared down the hallway. Apparently it was some signal for them. My captain then walked up the stairs and I followed, curious at what lay beyond.

“Place your hand here, Gin.” He motioned at a flat panel and I tilted my head at him. He smiled. “Go on.”

I did, noting how the panel glowed white for an instant and then the doors slid open soundlessly.

“Oh.” I stepped into the room and took in the interior. “Oh, my.”

The door shut; I registered the click of the lock. I stepped forward cautiously, stunned by the thought he had put into the bedroom. High white walls, and a skylight where the perpetual night sky showed the crescent moon. Deep red curtains that framed the large windows, much like the drapes he had in the room we spent our first night together. A cool breeze swept through the room, billowing the net that hung around a raised bed.

I walked forward, as if in a dream. Pushing the net apart I caressed the bedlinen. The flawlessly white mattress was covered with a deep red duvet, and the pillows looked soft and inviting. It smelled clean, untouched. I pushed past the pillows to reach the bedframe: cold steel.

“Is it to your liking, Gin?” Aizen-sama was still at the door. At this distance I could not see his eyes.

I sat on the bed, turning to face him. “I love it.”

He walked up to me and sat beside me, a tanned hand on my thigh. “I'm glad.”

“But where will you place your glasses and book for your nightly reading?” I asked, concerned. Aizen-sama was a creature of habits. He had to read just before he slept – on the nights we didn't make love – or he couldn't sleep well. Sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night looking for something to peruse: I'd woken up more than once, head in his lap, as he stroked my hair while reading.

He chuckled, then tapped empty air. I watched in fascination as a column rose to the perfect height, and then fanned out into a series of circular drawers. The first drawer was empty, so that was for my personal effects. Then the next one opened to a number of tubes and containers, some of which looked quite familiar.

“Massage oils too?” I looked at him coyly. “Someone is very prepared.”

“That's my motto.” He snaked an arm about my waist and I explored the other two drawers. Our usual toys were there in the third, and the last one held a few reiatsu limiting collars. “I have another on my side of the bed, so if you think of anything, just toss it in the other one.

Thinking, I sniffed critically. “The larger toys?”

“The closet holds most of those, and manacles are already attached to the frame,” he pointed out. “Besides, we all know bakudou.”

He was right. I surveyed the room again, wondering how he just knew what I would love. Then I shook myself. _Of course he would know; he always knows._

“Y'know... we really should be getting to sleep soon.” I yawned and stretched. “We'll need to get back to Seireitei at first light.”

“Bathe first, Gin. You're still sticky. I need a shower too.”

I pouted. “Join me.”

“And we'll never get out of the bathroom to break this bed in. Go on, love; clean up fast and I'll do the same. Then we'll give this bed a trial run.”

As I hopped off the mattress to the bathroom Aizen-sama indicated, I threw a teasing glance behind me. “Who said anything about using the bed?”

xxxxx

He emerged from the shower refreshed. I admired the ripple of muscles – what I could see anyway – under my lowered lashes as I lounged, catlike, on the balcony.

“There?” he asked. The outside of Las Noches was under constant surveillance.

“Here,” I declared. It was wide enough, I had dragged the pillows and blanket over, and I wanted the rest of Las Noches to know I belonged to him alone. When I was in the shower I recalled the faces in the crowd, and some were not _angry_ at me. Best for them to know their place.

Besides, we could never do this in Seireitei. Aizen-sama had an image to keep up. I, on the other hand, hid behind the 'hermit' behavior since the marriage fiasco. Only recently did I emerge more often, and that had led to Byakuya's elopement and subsequent incorporation of a commoner into a noble house. Safe to say I should try to keep out of Seireitei's public eye. But there were some things, image or no, we couldn't do in Seireitei. I had made a list in my head, knowing that, with the slightest opportunity, I would fulfill each and every item on that list.

One of these days I would find a pretext to get that old man Yamamoto out of Soul Society and then we'd fuck on that centuries-old desk, see if it could stand up to our shenanigans. And perhaps in the Central 46 rooms, although I had never stepped into that supposedly sanctified place. Also in the Repentance Tower – it sapped reiatsu, so that would be really be a ride for the ordinary senses.

He sauntered over, wearing a white robe and drying his hair. I peered up at him as he stood beside me, my fingers skittering up his calves. He blinked lazily before sitting down and pulling my willing and naked form into his arms.

After a long kiss, he nibbled on my ear. “Exhibitionist.”

“For a voyeur, you really are shy.”

“I'm curious what they'll be thinking.” His fingers teased my nipples to hardened peaks before he lay me flat on my back. “They'll be watching the most beautiful creature they've ever laid eyes on being ravished by their overlord.”

“I'm certain one of them would keep a record of this.” I exhaled with a hiss when he sucked on my left nipple, his tongue pressing and playing with it before he tested his teeth. “Besides, the point of this is to gloat that I've snared the only man worth having on any plane of existence.”

“Showing off is not good, Gin,” he admonished between leaving little bites along my collarbone. “Humility is a virtue.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” I breathed. My legs moved of their volition, spreading and wrapping about his waist. He removed his belt but kept the robe on, for which I was pleased. I might want to show my ownership and submission to Aizen-sama, but I didn't want those low creatures to study or admire him, unless he took them to bed. Even then, he was still mine.

Like calls to like, and I was as selfish and possessive as he was.

The cool fingertips that brushed my hair back drew my gaze back to his darkened ones. My lips parted, offering; he took it, tongue sliding easily against mine, pressing deeply into my mouth. I loved kissing him, always that faint bittersweetness inside, always the searching and domineering tongue, and the smooth velvet of his skin on mine. I loved to watch as we kissed, his lashes brushing my cheeks, his breath hot and sweet and intoxicating.

His hands were roaming freely between our bodies, and mine over his chest and up around his shoulders. As he stroked me slowly, aware of my quickening breath, his kiss grew gentler. We had to move apart a little to breathe as my nails dug into the fair skin on his shoulders, my actions dislodging the opening of his robe. It slid partway down his right bicep, an unintended striptease. I leaned forward and sucked strongly on the curve of his neck, drawing little red marks to his skin. He kneaded his free hand along my spine, pressing me closer to him. “No need to moan that loudly yet, love,” he scolded quietly. “Whatever happened to your excellent acting skills?”

“Sorry, Aizen-sama,” I murmured into his thick hair as I shifted up. The change in angle meant we could kiss freely even as his hands coaxed me to hardness, and my hands were slipping under the robe to caress his muscled back. He was slick, sweat easing the sliding of our bodies. As we peered dreamily at each other while we kissed I detected a familiar tension around his eyes.

He was holding back.

“Don't,” I muttered, arching into him. “Forget restraint. Give it to me.”

“No.” I gasped when he sank his teeth into the cord of my shoulder. “Not yet. You have to cultivate patience.”

“Don't want patience. Want you.”

“Not yet.”

His strokes became more insistent and gradually I realized my loud moans were no longer feigned as they had been initially. When I felt myself nearing my climax he stopped his movements. I whined when he pulled away to study my body, his hands pinning me to the ground. Then he smiled crookedly and yanked me to my feet.

I protested, my arousal already past the pleasure threshold and into pain, but he forced me against the hard wall of the balcony. When I cried out he rewarded me with the push of his finger into my entrance. It burned; he hadn't lubricated it. Disregarding the agony, he stretched me and I knew I bled; he was being rougher than usual under the guise of consideration.

“Come on, lover,” he muttered. “You chose the location; shouldn't you enjoy the view?”

A sudden crash of reiatsu pinned me to where I stood. I shivered and whimpered when he left me standing there, immobilized by his reiatsu's weight, the chilly wind seemingly worse after the heat if his body and the perspiration over my pale skin. I couldn't turn my head, even; when I tried the shock of killing intent swept harsh and furious over me. When I complied and stared out at the white dunes spread before me, the reiatsu became a wash of affection and sensual promise.

The heat of his body pressed against me again was more than welcome. This time he didn't draw out the wait, but pushed into me. I whimpered with the pain, until pleasure mounted and he had filled me entirely.

“You know you are beautiful, don't you?” he whispered into my ear. I arched back into him, wishing he'd release his hold on my hands gripping the balcony. “And you know your little ploy has just earned you a number of starry-eyed adherents, don't you?”

“Yes,” I managed to admit, over the almost inaudible sound of his arousal moving in and out of me. It felt so good, that it hurt, that it was so raw and real. I tried to maximize skin contact but he deliberately moved in tandem with me. Frustrated I struggled against his hold when he drew out of me, the delicious heat away from me again. “Aizen-sama!”

“Yes?” He suddenly whirled me around and slammed me into the wall. “What do you need, Gin?”

“You. I need you.” I bucked when he pressed his groin into mine. “Please.”

“What do you want?” he asked, wet mouth tracing over my jaw. One hand gripped both my wrists above my head, the other had slipped around my erection, groping and stroking, before sliding up to twist my nipples, eliciting needy cries. “Tell me, Gin. I can't help you otherwise.”

“I want you, I want you,” I begged, heedless of the wind now sweeping over us. His hair ruffled in the stiff breeze. “Aizen-sama, I want you, please!”

“Want me to do what?” Oh gods, he was biting _again,_ the scrape of his teeth like a knife on over-sensitized skin. He had me writhing, the cold of the wall behind warming up with my skin; the scrabbling of my feet as I tried to stay upright. “What do you want me for?”

“Fuck me. Fuck me now.”

“How?” he asked, lingering over my mouth. I knew he was as hard as I was. Vaguely I wondered why I got involved with a power-hungry shinigami like him, especially when the bastard did things like this so I had to beg and whine and plead until I was practically weeping for completion, and then he would pound into me until my mind blanked out and there was nothing but _him_ all over me and inside me and around me, blocking out fear and pain and hope and the entire world...

_I think I just answered my own question._

He lifted my left leg around his waist, freeing my wrists to better balance the both of us. My hands clung to his shoulders, before circling the back of his neck. He ground his hips against mine again, querying, “How, Gin? I can't help unless you tell me how. You mean like this?”

I shrieked when he penetrated, my hips jerking in reaction. I should be coming _now,_ dammit. All that teasing... I couldn't possibly be able to... Fuck, he had made sure I couldn't come with the addition of a restraint. I hadn't even noticed. Fuck.

“What is it, Gin?” His voice was hoarse, but I detected the amusement nonetheless. I swore at him, trying to get my hands between us to remove the ring, but he just thrust again and my mind reeled. He hoisted my leg more firmly about him. “I didn't say you could do that.”

“But Aizen-sama...” I whined. “I need-”

“You need me, that was all you said.” His hungry kiss pushed all thought out of my head. The rough scraping of my bare back on the wall and the erratic thrusts against that sweet spot was more than enough to push me over the edge.

Only I couldn't.

I screamed profanities, again thwarted by a simple looking device from fully enjoying him. The curses and threats sounded empty to me while he licked all over my face, his left hand pushing my hair out of my eyes.

“Tsk, such language,” he chuckled, slowing his pace. _No. No, don't slow down._ “Let's see... what you can come up with... when I do this.”

Stars swam across my vision, it felt so fucking good. Dimly I was aware he had come already, his hot seed having been emptied into me as he continued pounding me against the wall. And then I realized I was sobbing, begging for him to let me come, begging for him to let me finish.

One of his hands reached for my aching member, before a quick swipe over the engorged head, and then there was a surge of pure sensation. Was that my cry? I never knew I could hit that particular register, it was so piercing.

“Easy there, love,” Aizen-sama rasped as I calmed down. “Easy now.”

“Bastard,” I cursed again. Now I saw I was on the pillows, evidently carried by my captain to the soft nest. “Evil bastard.”

“It's a wonder why I take such abuse from you, Gin,” he teased as he settled beside me. I grimaced with the pain down my back and tried to work my weakened legs properly. He tugged the blanket over my nakedness and I snuggled into his arms. “If they knew the names my own lieutenant calls me...”

“If you'd just fuck me like I'd ask-” I responded with some heat, remnant anger from the earlier tease and denial woven into my tone.

“And I think you should be prepared for a captain's position soon.”

Derailed from my train of thought, I stared at him. “What?”

He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I'm going to miss this.”

“What?” I asked again.

“You'll be assessed for captaincy very soon, Gin.” He pulled strands stuck to my face away and tucked them behind. “The third division's captaincy is all but open, Rinbayashi being how she is. You've already attained bankai, you've proved your mettle as my lieutenant, and Yamamoto was very pleased with your stint in Fegefeuer – both stints, in fact.”

“But Shinsou isn't working for me,” I argued. Why was I arguing? This should be an honor.

“Shinsou was giving you problems because of me, I think,” Aizen-sama sounded uncertain. “And that was partly why I brought you here.”

“I don't understand.”

“Have you been brooding over us, Gin?” he asked, concern in his gentle brown eyes. I nodded. His hug tightened and I thrilled. His next few words confused me until I cleared my head of the sudden rush of emotion. “Gin, you know we can never really be together in Seireitei.”

“But we are. And others know we are.”

“Not the way you wish for us to be. Not like Byakuya-kun and his wife.” He kissed my brow again, then tucked me under his chin. “I wish I can tell the whole world how much you mean to me.”

“How much I mean-” I started, my hands suddenly numbed. “Aizen-sama, are you saying-”

“You are my other half, Gin. My student, my protege, my lover, my lieutenant, and now my equal.” He did look at me now, his intense gaze filled with something I didn't recognize. “There is no other, not any more.”

“You love me,” I stated baldly. “You just don't want to admit it.”

“I'll never say it. I've said it before and it never ends well.”

“Perhaps you were saying it to the wrong person.”

“Or perhaps the words can't convey the depth of my feelings for you.” He smiled and I wanted to hold him forever, I felt so loved. “We'll come back here once things are ready. You'll need to start identifying a possible lieutenant that won't impede our progress. How about Zahl?”

“His name is actually Hisagi.” I sniffed. “Perhaps. We'll do a quick visit when we go back tomorrow morning, hmm?”

“Good idea.”

 _Captain of the Third, hmm?_ I mulled that thought over as we drifted into sleep. It would be a challenge, and it might be fun, even. I grinned to myself, thinking of my dark-haired beauty, the number on his cheek flashing. It might be very fun.

 


	59. 59.

Sometimes the sweetest things just burst out from Aizen-sama's mouth.

On our way back to Soul Society I found myself giddily repeating his little comment about home. Even Shinsou was quiescent, listening without comment to my mental monologue. I thought Shinsou felt quite pleased as well, but it refused to divulge the reason other than 'had a great talk with Kyoka Suigetsu'.

Aizen-sama had a tiny smirk on all the way from the gate that opened in his quarters to the main office, and occasionally the smirk would turn into a satisfied chuckle.

Damn the man. He knew me too well.

Although all captains were technically still on leave, many of the divisions were already hard at work. We stepped into a flurry of papers when we entered the inner office, and I gaped.

“I cleared this just the day before!” I wailed. I hated all the documents that passed through the fifth. Personnel transfer requests, new assignments, shinigami-in-training, internship applications... it never ends. And of course there were the usual stuff about budgets, meetings, memos, submission of articles to the shinigami circulars, distribution of research papers that the officers had to know... I wondered how Aizen-sama ever managed it all. They drove me fucking crazy.

Not that I wasn't before, but still.

Aizen-sama sighed and wove his way to his desk. “Remind me to install a paperless office, Gin.”

“Amen to that, taichou.” I sat down heavily, toppling a few stacks.

xxxxx

xxxxx

It wasn't until a few months later that we got to meet with the latest cohort of academy students. Almost all the lieutenants and captains turned up for Yamamoto's speech, because this year he addressed the matter of interaction with the human world and the aftereffects of war on Soul Society. It was rather interesting, very unlike his usual ramblings; I had a hunch the script had been doctored.

In any event I found myself searching for one shaggy-maned tattooed-face student. Hisagi Shuuhei was there, buried amongst his classmates. He was radiating an air of complete attention, I noticed, but there was one instant when his gaze fell on me.

I was very glad to see that he flushed.

Aizen-sama murmured softly, “We'll have time to interact with the new students later. Pay attention.”

“Yes, taichou,” I answered meekly.

xxxxx

Not long after the speech I managed to hunt him down in a classroom. It was empty, and I made sure to lock the door behind me after I entered.

The click of the lock startled him: he had been packing the contents of the desk into a bag. I recognized the bag as well, since I was the one who gave it to him the day he moved into the academy's lodgings.

“Hello,” I smiled widely. “How are you?”

“Good afternoon, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.” He was stiff, his tone formal. Even the endearing Rukongai accent had been forcibly scrubbed clean.

I didn't like it. “So you found out at last,” I said lightly, slowly sauntering to him. “But I think I prefer when you called me Yuki.”

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou, that would not be proper.” He looked away as I approached. And then, to my irritation, he backed away. Him, the sex-hungry little street rat, the one who tried to jump my bones almost every possible minute before he came into this academy, retreating from me? He swallowed a gulp and looked up at me. “You're a superior officer, and I am only a student.”

“What happened to you, _Zahl_?” I smirked. No, I didn't like how he was speaking at all. Where was the spark of recklessness? Where was that wild animal that clawed and bit even as I slid on its collar?

Collar: he had one around his neck. _He had a collar around his neck._

There was a flash of movement.

“I-Ichimaru-fukutaichou!” he squeaked, panicked.

The dark haze cleared from my vision. I had my right hand digging under the collar and yanking him close to me.

“Who did you let put that on ya?” I asked quietly.

He choked as I twisted the leather. I snapped the question out again, and he jumped as if he had been whipped when I released him.

“No one, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.” He cleared his throat again, now more wary as I moved closer.

“Liar.” I flash-stepped to him and pressed him against the wall. “If you'd told me you like being someone's dog, Zahl, I could've fulfilled that fantasy a long time ago.”

“No,” he said softly. “I'm not Zahl. I am Hisagi Shuuhei. And this is just a gift from my friends.”

I grabbed him by his chin and breathed against his skin. “So you're a loyal lil' puppy to yer friends, eh? So damn noble of ya.”

“It's just an accessory, Yuki. It's no big deal.” He was starting to pale under my scrutiny. “Fuck off.”

“Suddenly I'm Yuki again,” I taunted. His eyes flashed with something akin to anger. I laughed and pecked him on the cheek. “You're still the wild animal beneath this veneer of civilization. I can't wait to see how ya turn out, Hisagi-san. I can't wait to see how long before the little wolf I found is turned ito a whimpering dog.”

He glared at me. Though half a head shorter, he had enough presence to meet my gaze. “You said yourself it was just sex, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. I'm leaving now and you're not going to stop me. You will not look for me again. What you did before the exam was... I'm not ungrateful, but now I do know it was unethical.”

“Bit rich comin' from ya, Hisagi,” I said equally intensely. Then I smiled. “I do remember how you begged me ta screw ya senseless. You went on yer knees and begged, pretty boy.”

Hisagi's teeth flashed in a snarl. “Ichimaru-fukutaichou-”

“And I still remember what I told ya. Somethin' about wanting to imprint our fuck sessions into your subconscious, have me so deep in ya you'll never be able to feel another man's cock without thinkin' of me. And you-” I licked his elegant nose from tip along the bridge to his forehead “- _liked_ it.”

He flushed and ducked his gaze away. I pulled him closer to me by his collar. He resisted. I laughed again and twisted the leather accessory. He coughed wildly while I wrapped my other arm about his waist.

Abruptly he shoved me away and straightened. “That was then. Now you are the lieutenant of the Fifth division. I am a student of the academy. We do not have anything in common, fukutaichou. If you'll excuse me-”

“Take off that collar.” I cut him off.

“What?”

“Take it off. No one can put a collar around you. If there's any taming to be done it's by my hands.” I slid a finger under the offending strip of leather and tugged again, hard. He made a choking gasp when I pulled too hard. “Take it off.”

“Fine!” He pushed my hand away and tore at his throat. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I smirked.

“If you have to ask, Hisagi-san, then I would suggest that, perhaps, you really don't want to know.” I picked up the collar and incinerated it before his eyes. “Zahl.”

“The name is Hisagi Shuuhei.”

“Not to me,” I countered easily. The smirk deepened. “If ya wish to wear a collar, look fer someone who can protect you from foxes, eh?”

His almond-shaped eyes narrowed, tracing the thin line of smoke that was all that remained of his collar. I inclined my head politely and left.

_Who dares to claim what should have been mine?_

xxxxx

“It's alright, Gin,” said Aizen-sama nonchalantly when I ranted about the collar to him that night. I twisted around from my place in front of his legs and glared at him. He ruffled my hair absently, turning a page in his book. It was another intense one, by some fella named Nietzhe. I folded my arms. “Some classmates of his thought he suited the 'look', so they pooled money together and got it for his birthday. I gather the boy is very popular in his class.”

I stilled. Then a smile blossomed. “Really.”

“What did you do, Gin?”

“I lit a fire.”

He bent down to look at me for a long beat, then he shrugged and returned to his reading. “Good fire?”

“Bad fire,” I said, going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. “But it was worth it. How dare they put a collar on my boy?”

Aizen-sama hummed. “Your boy? So would he suit you?”

I mulled over the idea of him working under me. Under me, yes, that would be nice, but working... “No. He's all serious now. No fun to be had at all.”

“Hmm.”

“Send him to Tousen, let them bore the crap outta each other.” I really disliked the blind man. If only I could craft an “accident” that could get Tousen into the top headlines of the newspapers, then I could stop listening (or pretending to listen) to his incessant musings on justice.

All the topics in the world to think over, and he broods over one. Endlessly. I had no idea how Aizen-sama could stand him.

_Irritating joyless fashion-victim pathetic friendless sex-starved son-of-a-bitch loser._

I stopped.

_Now I'm certain I'm annoyed at something._ _What can I do?_

Aizen-sama nudged me and I shifted a little. He stood up and strolled over to his table. I admired the angled shoulder as he wrote, every now and then referring to his reading. The light of the lamp was too weak. I got up and dug in the cupboard for another one, which I lit and placed on the desk. Almost subconsciously he looped his left arm about my waist, holding me to his side, as he put down notes that were relevant to him.

“Na, Aizen-sama,” I said casually, leaning into him. “I'm kinda restless. Any suggestions?”

“Hmm?” He looked up. In the lamplight he was a bookish gentleman, although the strength of his hold would reveal him to be a warrior. “There is a person I want you to see to. He has information on Urahara's research papers and also – I think – worked with him on the hougyoku.”

“Ya wanna talk to him?”

“No. I just want you to talk to him, see if you can keep him from joining that man in exile.”

I grinned. I could hear what he was saying beneath the words. He pressed a spot on his desk and a flat drawer slid out. I ran my gaze over the tools within and selected a long, thin knife which I concealed in the sleeve of my shihakusho. “See ya later, Aizen-sama.”

“I'll meet you in Rukongai, Gin.”

“Mm.” Tossing my hair from my eyes, I smiled. Thank the gods there was always a way for me to alleviate boredom.

 


	60. 60.

It was a bogus mission and he knew I knew it. It didn't matter. As long as he had given someone to target, I would play the part.

I twirled the thin blade idly, aware that he had sent me to the twelfth because that was the one division which didn't cared how many shinigami went missing. Kurotsuchi Mayuri's callousness was already fast becoming legend. Aizen-sama and Tousen had discussed recruiting him, but Aizen-sama felt that someone like that psychopath wouldn't hesitate to turn on Aizen-sama. Besides, we had Syazel Aporro Grantz, who was the equal if not superior of Mayuri in amoral scientific curiosity, and who was besotted with my lover.

I wondered if he would be a good-looking creature after shinigamification. Anything would be better than his current incarnation of a blobby, lumpy thing with trailing... tentacles. _Ecch._

The twelfth division was finally released from their prison – division office, I meant. It was still light in the sky. What would it be like to live in fear and dread daily for the rest of eternity? Ah well, one of them would be free from that terror tonight. Humming I selected a youth. Half a handspan shorter than I was, short black hair, a squarish jaw. Full lips that looked kissable, but the feature was marred by a far too large nose.

_So it's gonna be you then, kiddo. Lucky you._

I slunk over when he ducked into an alley, no doubt to slip out of Seireitei, disregarding rules of curfew. Or perhaps to escape from Kurotsuchi. In that case, I could help. Just before he could scale the wall, my knife lid over his throat and his vocal cords. He made a few gurgling noises before my knife sank into his jugular.

Blood sprayed.

I sniffed at my hand, then licked up the edge of it. It tasted metallic and dark at the same time, but I realized I didn't care for it. What I did care about was that the tension from my shoulders were gone, and I felt much better. Much, much better, like my heart was free, like the moment I had told Aizen-sama I loved him, like when he called me 'love' in our private moments.

On a whim, I reached up with my clean hand and touched my lips. I wasn't imagining things.

I was smiling.

“Huh,” I said softly. “That's new.”

I wiped the blade clean on the kid's hakama before strolling off. The air smelled fresh and clean, and I wondered why Aizen-sama wanted me at the Rukongai house instead.

Perhaps he had a surprise for me.

xxxxx

He tucked me into his lap. I curled around him, pulling myself into that hollow at his shoulder. He stroked my outer thigh slowly and asked, “What do you want for your birthday, Gin?”

“It's coming soon, eh?” I commented. His lips found mine and we shared a sweet kiss. The angle was decidedly odd, and he could only brush his lips on the outer edge of my mouth. I thought over the presents he had lavished on me and smiled. “I want you.”

“I'm already yours.” The curt words belied the good-humored grin on his face and I nuzzled into him. “Pick something else.”

Now that was a tall order. Other than the first three years of our relationship, he had always given me exquisite little gifts. Even when I was virtually in exile over in Fegefeuer, he had sent me birthday presents. On those days not even Karl could find me – I would be squirreled away somewhere, reading the terse notes as if they held the key to immortality. I would pore over his elegant script, imagining the contact of his skin on the letter and the present, dreaming of the moment I would see him again face-to-face.

His long fingers danced over the ticklish underside of my right arm. I shivered, unable to control the reaction. “I think you can plan the entire thing for me, Aizen-sama. I'm happy with whatever you give.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” But since what I wanted was for him to play the romantic, I wriggled a little. He chuckled and his hands slid under the edge of my uniform, sliding over cool skin. I leaned into the caress. “But definitely sex has to be there, okay?”

He laughed faintly. Something was up, and I knew I had guessed correctly. My captain was always one for early planning and surprises. “I thought you might say that. Since we probably would be busy on your birthday, I thought it'd be nice to celebrate early.”

My birthday would fall on a work day. “Thank God it's Friday?”

“No,” he teased, “thank me.” Having shifted me to his right, he reached behind him and pulled out two elegantly wrapped boxes, and a thin scroll. He handed me the largest box first. “I hope you like these.”

“You know I always like whatever present you gave me. Last year it was that silver filigreed comb, the year before that red lacquer bowl. Your gifts are always so extravagant.” I hugged the present for a moment, trying to guess what was inside. It was quite heavy.

Rubbing his nose into my cheek, he said quietly, “Can't help spoiling you, you know that.”

Of course I knew that. This very house was a present from him. Over the years he had parlayed his resources into a variety of investments, including sinking funds into research and development. And these few years, I had been the min beneficiary. I kissed him eagerly, tongue chasing his, trying to drink in his essence and to empty myself into him. Breathing heavily, he pulled away for a moment.

“Open your present,” ordered Aizen-sama.

I tore off the wrapping to unveil a rectangular inkstone. Thin golden veins threaded through it, catching the light from our lamps. In the top left corner of the stone the golden veins swirled into a double 'S', almost like Shinsou's hilt. I saw why he had bought it for me.

“It's a Kyū inkstone from the Song Dynasty. Do you like it?”

“I do. It's gorgeous. I'm not sure I'll use it though, it'll seem like a sacrilege.” My fingers traced the thin gold markings again, heart pounding to think of how much effort he put into locating an inkstone.

The scroll was unrolled with little ceremony, until I noticed the markings of age on the silk. It was exquisite: although painted not true to life, there was nonetheless a delicacy and relaxed tension to the women and the horses they rode. I asked for the name of the scroll, my knowledge of Chinese calligraphy script a little rusty.

“Court Ladies Preparing Newly-Woven Silk,” he informed me. I rolled up the scroll carefully, aware of its value. “So, Gin, who is the artist?”

I knew my art history. “Zhang Xuan of the Chinese Tang Dynasty.”

It was sort of strange, because I had learned far more about life under Aizen-sama's tutelage than I had ever imagined in the Academy. In certain areas, such as art and calligraphy, Aizen-sama had been my only tutor.

I held up the last box. It was black with a thin white ribbon around it. “What's this?”

He caught hold of my hands, keeping me from unwrapping it. “Gin, it's your eightieth birthday.”

“Yes.”

“Is there anything that you would rather not have done, ever since you met me?”

Was Aizen-sama asking about regrets? I mulled over the question. I could answer 'no' blithely, but he would know I lied. I would know I lied.

“I think... yeah. There is something,” I began. His brow creased a little, the soft, kind brown eyes clouded. I smiled at him, my fingers feather-light over his lips. “I regret not having come to you earlier, instead having waited until the fifth year of my studies. I regret fooling myself into thinking there were other people I loved. I have never loved them, because they never loved me. Not the way you do, without judging, without exclusion of any aspect of me.”

He nipped at my fingers, his gaze a well I couldn't tear away from. _Tyger, tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night... In what distant deeps or skies burnt the fire of thine eyes?_

“They were fools.”

Aizen-sama believed in what in he said, and he said only what he believed. My heart felt tight with emotion. He was perfect. And he had selected me out of all the adoring masses that would lay their lives at his feet. The tightness grew when he breathed against my cheek. “Open it.”

Gingerly I untied the ribbon, let it fall away. The box lid was set aside and then, very carefully, I opened the folds of black velvet within the box.

“Oh. Oh my... they are exquisite,” I whispered.

Two rings, resting on black velvet. One bore a ruby, the other a diamond. On the inner surface of both rings were inscribed, in Gothic font, **A.I.**

Aizen and Ichimaru.

“Ai?” I almost-teased, the constriction at the back of my throat making it difficult to speak. “You love me this much?”

He was not in the mood for jest, however.

“Gin, these are special rings.” He licked his lips and chuckled self-consciously. “I had wanted to leave them for your centennial, but I doubt I can keep them a secret for two more decades.”

“What are they?”

“Soul rings. They are... well, they are soul locators, specialized ones. Extremely powerful and completely useless. Each gem resonates only with its other. The Dutch _sterfgeval_ crafted such devices a few years ago. The product didn't sell.”

“I wonder why,” I quipped. The ruby and diamond glinted at me, the play of light on the facets entrancing.

“There is a catch, Gin...” He turned so he was looking into my eyes, his countenance grave. “They can't come off. Once it's put on, it is – fused – with the essence of the person. Whichever incarnation we are in, at whatever age we become, we are linked. This is the last time I will see this ring, and the only time you will, if you put it on. You will be linked with me. I will know where you are, what you're doing, with the simplest thought of you. ” He breathed in, holding my hands tenderly. “You will be linked with me forever. Are you ready for that?”

 _Am I?_ I stared at him. And then I smiled brightly. “So, which is yours? I kind of like the diamond.”

xxxxx

I liked to think that the accessory tingled as I slipped it on. Instead it just sat on my left ring finger dumbly. I frowned.

“It's not doing anything,” I said to my lover.

He tilted his matching ring to catch the light on the red stone. “I wonder why,” he said. “It's supposed to.”

“Maybe they conned you.”

He scoffed. “As if he dared – oh!”

Oh yes, it did more than tingle. All the way from the top of my skull to the tip of my toes; it was as if an arc of lightning shot through me. When I recovered from that shock I realized that we were holding on to each other, like our lives depended on the contact. The rings were no longer visible, but if I concentrated I could feel a pulsing around the ring finger on my left hand. And I could feel also the thoughts and emotions of another person in my mind, as if it was playing over my thoughts.

I looked into his eyes – I no longer needed to look up, I discovered abruptly, and he was breathing slightly heavily, lips parted. Slowly, tenderly I press my mouth over his, feeling the firmness of his skin over mine, the tentative push of our tongues together before sliding into the welcoming warmth. I half-closed my eyes, tasting the faint bittersweetness I adored and craved daily, hourly. We came apart on a leisurely sigh.

I wrinkled my nose. “That was neat.”

“Ever the wordsmith,” he chuckled and ran his hand up my back, pressing me close. And now I finally comprehended the gift he had presented me with.

He had presented his heart, what there was of it.

_'And now you know what you mean to me. Don't fail me, Gin. I have never gone this far for anyone, but you are worth it. I believe you are worth it.'_

_I won't fail you. I understand the implications of this ring now._

_'If only we can have a formal announcement of our union, but we cannot. Not here. Not now.'_

_I don't care about that._

_'You might want to try not lying to someone who can literally read your mind.'_

_You might also try saying all these wonderful things aloud instead of being so damn bashful._

_'You'll get spoiled.'_

_No, I'll just get horny. And you'll benefit._

I beamed at him, relishing the odd sensation of being hyperaware of him: his physical presence, his reiatsu signature as well as his conscious thoughts all suffused my every cell. Gradually the sensitivity faded to a dull, reassuring throb.

I would never be alone again, not in this world or the next.

He kissed me once more, a mere impression of lips. “That was rather astounding,” he said, the light of our complete sharing still in his eyes.

“Neat,” I chirped again.

He laughed softly and let go of me. “We need to clean up, we've had a rather long day.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

The youth, bound and gagged on the bed, was extremely tantalizing. The surge in excitement reestablished the link between Aizen-sama and me. As he carried the boy's twin sister to our new futon, I could sense his lust at the back of my mind.

It drove me wild. It drove him wilder.

Coupling with this link between us certainly fulfilled and pleasured us in ways we never imagined. I could almost partake in his play and in his domination over the weeping girl; I could sense his aching pleasure and raw lust, like he was under my skin. No doubt he felt the same as well; he had never been this – honest – with others. Only with me did Aizen-sama let go of that carefully constructed facade. Only with me did he lose that amazing self-control.

I could almost feel pity for the girl, but what capacity for emotion I had had already been dedicated to Aizen-sama. The grace with which we moved in tandem fascinated me; the beast with two backs now separated into its components, yet still joined as one in spirit.

Perhaps that was why I lost control as well. When the boy leaped at me I felt the spike in my reiatsu. Although I admired the vengeful fire that finally came to him, I snapped his neck anyway, just to feel the rush of adrenaline that coursed through me – us – with every smothering of life-flame. Aizen-sama's mind had echoed and amplified the satisfaction in a clean kill.

We didn't really need to speak, not with the rush of blood that pounded through both bodies, but somehow we had to take cover in mundane speech.

“She's all yours, lover,” he snarled, having thrown her over the body of her twin. I half-expected her to scream, but she didn't. Nonetheless I slid over her, with one last quizzical glance at Aizen-sama.

He was certainly eager. “Don't you want to?” I asked.

“I want you.”

I supposed that was the only thing I needed to hear from him.

xxxxx

xxxxx

I hated gardening, but it was necessary. The yard was woefully weed-grown, and the bushes had become minor tangles. Dead leaves carpeted the ground near the trees. At least it kept us busy for the morning, and worked up a healthy appetite for lunch.

Perhaps it was time to have a new groundskeeper and a housekeeper. Someone I wouldn't bother to kill. But that person would have to deaf, mute and blind to all the going-ons of the place.

_Hmm. I suppose we'll have to keep doing this ourselves._

“Pruning shears,” Aizen-sama called out. I sauntered over and passed it to him. At least between the two of us we had managed to tame the yard, ripping out weed that had had a chance to colonize the patch.

“Perhaps we should consider a Zen garden,” I remarked. I dabbed at the perspiration running down my face, then dug his handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe away the rivulets on his temples. I pouted. “I'll be sunburned at this rate.”

“Go into the shade near the trees then. You can rake up the dead leaves,” he said, carefully snipping unruly twigs out of the way. “Bag.”

I held the bag open for the cut twigs and leaves. Boldly I decided to try out our new way of communication.

_I really love the ring, Aizen-sama._

_'Are you just testing out the system? I think we should just talk aloud when we're alone, hmm? This is kind of... what's the word... creepy.'_

_I already am a creepy person._

_'Not disagreeing, lover.'_

I smacked his shoulder, irritated and amused. “Where did you find them anyway? They were gorgeous.”

“Liked them that much, huh.” I was patently a bad influence on him; he was speaking in more colloquial terms nowadays. He elaborated, “A small store near the tattoo parlor. The proprietor of that store specializes in such things.”

We bantered a little longer before he reminded me to burn the trash. As I piled up the rubbish around the two corpses, I wondered when I stopped caring. Sometime after that 'marriage' with Rangiku, I supposed. He had sent me out on a number of such missions, killing hollow or random souls he found an annoyance or dispatching spying eyes. Always, always with untraceable blades: he was careful not to let me risk implication. And he was confident in my abilities. Not even his best assassin – one of his one-time potentials – could match me in pure guile and stealth, he said.

Something then struck me.

_Rangiku. I just thought of her as Rangiku._

I blinked.

“Hado 54, _haien_.” The leaves and twigs puffed into a cloud of ashes; the bodies took a little longer. Distracted, I meandered back to the house, until the enticing smell of lunch called me back to the present.

“You seem to be not all here,” comment Aizen-sama, hooking an arm about me. If only he could be this demonstrative in public... and that would be the day wild pigs roared through the ground wearing iron crowns and wielded magic rings.

“I just thought of Rangiku as Rangiku.”

He frowned faintly and then he got my meaning. “I felt as confused when Urahara lost the name Ki in my heart,” he confided. “It's just a way for us to re-prioritize our relationships.”

“Hmm.” I sipped at the soup. “But somehow you're always just Aizen-sama to me.”

“That was how you tagged me in your brain, wasn't it?”

“Mm-hmm. Say, this soup is slightly too salty, isn't it?” I made a face and took some rice to even out the taste.

He grinned apologetically. “Misjudged the amount.” I raised my brows and he turned a smite defensive. “I'm not a perfect cook all the time.”

“No you are most certainly not. And you can't sing on-key, and you barely know how to relax.” I smirked crookedly at him. “But you are the perfect one for me.”

“Why that's really sweet nonsense from you,” he countered. “Eat up or you can cook for yourself.”

I stuck out my tongue at him, earning a small whack over my knee. As we ate in companionable silence, I marveled at the easy trading of barbs and jokes with him. Much as I loved the sex – great sex, most of the time ( _'All the time, Gin. All the time.'_ ) all right, all the time – it was the sensation of fitting in with him, of being the counterpart, of filling his lack that held me captive.

“Aizen-sama, you said you went to get a quotation at the tattoo parlor,” I said. My ankle hooked around his right foot and our feet played over each other.

He dabbed at his mouth. “You want one?”

“I want your mark on me. Something along the lines of 'This man is the property of Aizen Sousuke', but not in so many words.” I scratched the back of my head. He shifted to my side and kissed my fingers, before pulling my chin over and kissing my lips.

_I want it to be hidden, to be seen only by you._

_'Then why have it at all?'_

_I don't know. Say, this is nice, kissing and communicating at the same time. I like._

_'I know I made a right decision, buying this. Alright, how about this design?'_

The image came into my head. An angular hexagonal shape, like the hilt of Kyoka Suigetsu, in one continuous, unbroken line. I frowned.

_Too stark. How about this?_

A double spiral, the Celtic symbol of balance, with a vine curling around it, but finished with a representation of a hawthorn leaf on the ends. _You're the illusionist, Aizen-sama. This would represent you entirely._

_'You are the vine, the equalizer, if I recall my Celtic astrology correctly. And the spiral recalls the shape of your Shinsou. Hmm. I like it. Today?'_

_On my birthday, I think. It's more... memorable, somehow, if I get it done on that day. By the way, will I still get a party? Sake, pretty things, little presents?_

_'Of course.'_

_You are the_ _ best. _

_I am the only, love. Alright, back to work. We have to ensure the house is in shape before we go._

“Slavedriver.” I pulled away and grinned mischievously before I piled the dishes into the tray and took them to the sink for washing.

 


	61. 61.

I rinsed off the soap, then dried myself off in front of the mirror. Twisting around, I examined what I could see of the tattoo on the small of my back. The tattooist had done a good job. The clean black line of the double spiral was enhanced, not overwhelmed, by the thin ivy vine crawling over it and the hawthorn leaf motif on the end of the spiral I could see was well-executed.

Aizen-sama had even put an illusion on himself to let me see the finished product properly. I knew ink on skin could be gorgeous – at least, black ink on pale skin – but I had never looked at myself in that light. However, when he – I – turned around and lowered the robe to reveal the tattoo, no lower, I felt like jumping my own bones.

I was in danger of becoming a narcissist, if I didn't have Aizen-sama to adore and to adore me.

Recalling his stunt of shutting my thoughts out the other night angered me again.

xxxxx

xxxxx

I was at a lieutenants' gathering, one of the few where I actually was relaxing and enjoying myself since Byakuya had brought Hisana along. She had, without a doubt, listened to various tales of me from all over Seireitei. Some were malicious gossip conjured by would-be novelists. Some were truths made palatable by layers of lies. And there were the stark honest descriptions of my nature.

She chose to befriend me even after all she heard.

“Yer not afeared o' lil' me?” I asked, deliberately drawing my accent out.

She laughed gently. “I don't think you are as bad as they say, Gin-dono. No matter what you have done-” here a shadow passed faintly over her face; she was thinking of her sister, probably, “-you love your Captain utterly, and someone that can love that strongly cannot possibly be a bad person.”

She was wrong, of course. Aizen-sama and I were all the more evil because of our capacity to love. But to have such simple faith was touching, to say the least.

We were chatting about the finer points of cooking miso soup, something I could do reasonably well (considering my other attempts at cooking), when suddenly I lost all awareness of him. Reiatsu signature, mental link... I panicked. Hastily excusing myself from the gathering, I rushed home as soon as possible.

“Hi Gin. I was just meditating – Ow!”

I had hurled my sheathed zanpakuto at him, panting and puffing too hard to hurl invectives instead. He rubbed the bump on his head and retrieved my zanpakuto. Having caught my breath, I yelled, “Bastard! I thought you were dead or something!”

“I was testing out-”

“Not interested! Have you any _idea_ what you just put me through? Sudden loss of all sensitivity to your reiatsu and thoughts and feelings? You moron, you – you idiot!” I paused in my rant, grabbed Shinsou, then stalked off to the study to fume.

He followed soon after. “Gin...”

“Shut up. I have work to do.”

“Come on,” he wheedled. The man was unscrupulous in getting what he wanted. I decided not to give him an easy time. He knelt in front of me as I buried myself in an old issue of _Shinigami Monthly_. “Come _on_. It was just a test.”

“And now you're testing my patience,” I snapped. Then I braced myself for the blow that would surely come – he had never hesitated to hit me in the past, although he would certainly heal any wounds made afterwards and make it up to me.

Instead he just sighed and left. I furrowed my brow. Was this a trick? I clamped down on reaching out for his thoughts, something that was fast becoming second nature. Instead I forced myself to stew over the indignation of being tricked, the brood over how easily he could shut me out and he had better teach me that trick or I would... I would... I couldn't do anything about it.

 _Dammit._ _I hate that he knows how to play me and I can't retaliate in any way. Damn him. Damn YOU, if you happen to be listening. Go away._

Sometime later I jerked awake. I had fallen asleep in the armchair. My anger rose again. He hadn't bothered to carry me to bed? What the fuck was he playing at?

Stepping out the study I realized that all the lamps were extinguished save for the one in the bedroom. He was inside, I supposed. Again I clamped down on the urge to reach for his thoughts and feelings. I didn't care what he thought about my tantrum. I didn't give a flying damn that he might be angry or annoyed or hurt or upset.

He should be on bended knee, asking MY forgiveness. He made ME upset, made me panic over a sudden absence. Fuck him.

_'I already did go on bended knee, love. And if you want to fuck me, I'm all for it.'_

_Go AWAY._

_'... come to me?'_

_... I hate you._

_'No you don't.'_

_YES I DO. You tricked me. I hate when you play me like a puppet._

_'I won't do it again. Come to me, Gin. Please? I'll do anything for you tonight.'_

_I'm sleeping in the guest room. Get out of my head._

He withdrew as quietly as he came. It suddenly felt empty inside my head. I sniffed critically, while vaguely hoping he'd return to his forceful self. The current tenderness, while satisfying, was rather unnerving.

Reiatsu slammed into me, shaking me to my knees before I could even register what was happening. Perspiration beaded, then ran down my brow and soaked through my back in a matter of seconds. Breaths shortened into gasps, a half-uttered query was choked into a groan.

As abruptly as it appeared, the reiatsu faded to a light caress over my damp skin. It sparked static over fine hairs on my arms and I arched my neck, wanting the phantom touch to linger. Instead it withdrew and I started to my feet, when Aizen-sama stepped into view.

“I thought that was mine,” I said evenly, ruthlessly shutting away a smile.

He rested against the doorway. “I thought it might look good on me too.”

With a slow turn he returned to the bedroom. I couldn't help but follow. It was hypnotizing: I blamed the black leather pants and the crimson feather boa, but he looked sexier than the devil himself. The trail of red over his naked back was like fire dancing over his skin. He peeked over his shoulder to see me trailing him hungrily.

He had enjoyed it when I wore something similar, but at least I had on a black shirt with chains and studs, little things to play and fidget with.

_For someone wearing so little, you're really hot._

_'Thanks for the compliment.'_

_I'm still pissed though._

_'I know. Let me make it up to you?'_

_All right. But under protest._

_'Duly noted.'_ He stopped at the bed, throwing the boa around my neck and drawing me in. “So, Gin-sama, how do you want me to say sorry?”

I put on my haughtiest look before grabbing him by the back of his head and yanking him in for a deep kiss. “You have to find the way, Aizen Sousuke, because I'm sure as hell not gonna make this easy for you.”

 

xxxxx

xxxxx

Hisana was dying.

She told me so herself when I paid the Kuchiki household a visit on a rest day. Aizen-sama had his own plans, something to do with another round of shinigamification in Las Noches, but I hadn't been interested in joining him.

“Byakuya-dono is not taking it well, Gin-kun,” she said softly. I had managed to persuade her to drop the honorific for my name. “Help him?”

“Help you, Hisana. I don't want you to give up fighting,” I urged her. With a small smirk I added, “No one else can tame him like you do. He's improved a hundred-fold since you married him.”

Hisana smiled. “He was already perfect.”

“If I weren't in love myself, I'd say you're exaggerating.”

“You know what I mean, right?”

I nodded. “Yes I do. Aizen-sama's perfect too.”

We sat in her room, Hisana leaning on a wall of pillows. She wasn't built to withstand the spiritual density of Seireitei, I realized rather belatedly. All the animosity between Byakuya and his father must be wearing on her nerves too.

Damn the men. Their pettiness was taking away one of the few friends I had ever had.

Hisana reached out to flick some hair out of my eyes. That alone made her different from the rabble that lived in this dimension: the others never touch me without some aim in mind. Aizen-sama sometimes did things like this too, subconsciously, such as patting my hand while we chat, or finger-combing my fringe into place, or removing a leaf or some lint from my uniform. Non-sexual touches.

Most didn't even dare to come near me. The few who did approach me never touched me, and the even more select few who get past the barriers always were looking for some sort of gratification.

As if they deserved me.

I touched her slender hand, a little tanned from her days in Rukongai. “I hope you won't die, Hisana. I'll be lonely without you.” It was rather awkward, but sometimes my eloquence failed me.

She managed to call up a smile. “I wouldn't want my friend to be lonely, Gin-kun.”

“That's because you're a nice girl.” I dropped the accent whenever we were alone, and thickened it when Byakuya was around. It was so much fun seeing how he would try his darnedest best not to get irritated, especially since his wife would be laughing and chatting with much the same accent – more refined, naturally – while he had no clue what was being said.

Byakuya reappeared and I winked at Hisana. She stifled a giggle demurely with her hand. I launched into a recount of the time I baked a cake – attempted to – for Aizen-sama, the brogue so thick it probably rivaled the icing I had conjured from far too much chocolate.

The slight twitch in Byakuya's jaw was worth the effort of putting on the long-discarded accent. And Hisana's smile was icing on the cake.

I wanted my friend to live. I didn't have many, and each was precious.

xxxxx

Hisana passed away before the sakura bloomed.

xxxxx

The day of the funeral arrived. It dawned crisp and clear.

I touched the pillow; it was still slightly damp. I blinked tiredly, my lashes sticking together. Then I sniffed faintly, trying to clear my blocked nose.

Aizen-sama's arm draped over me easily, tugging me close to him. I felt his warm breath on my neck. It wasn't meant to be anything beyond comfort. I turned around, placing a hand on his stubbled jaw, before I snuggled in under his chin.

We stayed in bed for twenty minutes more until I could get up and change.

xxxxx

It was cold, standing there, waiting for the service to be over. Byakuya was wan but composed, his father a lot more gaunt than I remembered, and the assorted Kuchiki family members from the other branches ranged behind them. Some other captains had turned up along with their lieutenants. Yamamoto, who was very distantly related to the Kuchikis.

It was genetic, I discovered; their porcelain complexions were death masks. Only in their eyes could I see any flicker of emotion. I sickened as I studied their almost-evident glee.

_The intruder is gone. Our blood is pure._

After the ceremony, they carried the coffin – an expensive one, mahogany probably – to the burial site.

I stood beside Byakuya, who merely nodded as the various relatives offered empty phrases before they left.

“Do you want me to leave as well?” I asked quietly.

He was silent for so long I thought he hadn't heard me. Before I could repeat myself, he murmured, “Please stay.”

I waited until there were only a few stragglers left. He hadn't said a thing. I edged closer and said, “Perhaps we should go in and rest, Byakuya-kun. You look like you need a good rest. She wouldn't want you to hurt yourself-”

“She's dead, Ichimaru. She doesn't give a damn. I don't give a damn.”

I was first surprised by his crudeness, and then rage overtook every other sensation. In retrospect I realized he was really in deep sorrow, but a red mist had descended and I had impaled Shinsou through his chest.

“You-” He gasped a wet breath, panting. I matched his rapid breathing, before pulling Shinsou out, shocked by my violent reaction.

“Byakuya, Byakuya I'm sorry, I didn't- I'm-” I didn't finish my sentence before I felt thousands of thin blades swarm through me. Another red mist – this time my own blood – and I was down.

As I fell to my knees I twisted about to see an angry Kuchiki-taichou, his blade already released, the silvery petals of Sayurihime swimming around him. The last thing I did before I blacked out was think, _how odd that none of the other captains stopped him._

xxxxx

_'...in. Speak to me. Gin, love. Love, speak to me.'_

I blinked.

“He's not staying under, fukutaichou.” A blurry figure in gray-blue said. His voice boomed and my skull ached.

“Ichimaru-san, you have to sleep. We're trying to save you.” Another voice, very familiar. Isane, I thought.

I closed my eyes and called out to my worried captain. _I'm... I'm okay. Relax, Aizen-sama._

 _'Oh thank gods..._ _What happened_ _?'_

A new voice cut in and broke my concentration. “How is he?”

“Taichou, Ichimaru-san is not responding to the tranquilizers nor the anesthesia. He's fighting them.”

“Ichimaru, you have to relax. I'll keep Aizen-san informed. Now sleep.” I recognized Unohana-taichou's voice, low and soothing.

_She'll... she'll tell... you. Tired... Aneth, uh, anystatic? Something... sleepy._

_'Rest, love. I'll keep you in mind.'_

I drifted into darkness, secure in that bit of knowledge.

 


	62. 62.

I woke to a wet warmth around my body. My eyelids felt like a ton each; as I struggled to open my eyes and sit up I felt a large hand on my stomach.

“Gin, stay still. You need to heal.”

I opened my mouth and gagged on the tubing that was stuck down my throat. The speaker hastily soothed my shaking frame, urging me to not try to talk.

_'We have other means of communicating, Gin.'_

_Aizen-sama?_

_'One and the same.'_

I felt giddy and nauseous. He smoothed wet hair from my brow and kept stroking my body. I tried to move my hand and hold his, but I appeared to be strapped down. Even my eyes were blindfolded.

_'You need the healing bath. Relax. Nothing will happen to you while I'm here.'_

_How long have I been hospitalized?_ I could make out the antiseptic scent in the background. _Were you with me all the time?_

_'Of course. You've been resting on your butt the past fifty-seven hours and three minutes. Just when we have to fill in performance records, you choose to get yourself severely injured.'_

I smiled around the feeding tube. _I planned this. So do I still have to fill in those forms?_

_'I got our third and fourth seats to do our work.'_

Despite the light conversation matter, I knew he was not taking my injured state well. There was a barely restrained undercurrent of rage threading through his thoughts. I couldn't fathom why.

_Aizen-sama, why are you angry with me?_

_'Not you, Gin. With Kuchiki Takayuki. He went too far.'_

_He wasn't the only one, Aizen-sama. I did too._

_'From what Byakuya-kun told me, I'd say you were provoked. We know that you were close friends with his wife.'_

_But to stab him?_

_'You were provoked into extreme rage, exacerbated by the stress of losing a close friend and the stresses of work. Also you had an argument with me the night before.'_

_We didn't-_

_'I say we did.'_

I sighed through my nose. He was prepared to defend me all the way, I could tell, and so I just kept quiet. His hand rubbing my stomach never ceased, his reiatsu wrapping about me to protect from the rest of the world.

_You don't have to get all protective, love. I can take care of myself._

_'You can if the opponent is someone honorable. That bastard cut through you with Sayurihime released, and you weren't even warned.'_

_Easy, Aizen-sama. Relax. He wouldn't do anything here, not while..._

_'Not while you're under Unohana's care?'_

_Y'know, I think I'd like you to stay here._

_'What is it?'_

_... before I fainted from the agony, I remember thinking something odd..._

I tried to ferret the memory from deep within me, and I knew Aizen-sama was there as well. How did I live not having his pervasive presence in me? I couldn't imagine now. I ran my thoughts back to the day of the funeral; the comment, Shinsou striking, the spray of blood...

_'THEY STOOD BY AND DID NOTHING?!'_

I winced at the roar of fury. Aizen-sama was ticked off. The hand that had been rubbing my abdomen stopped moving, and his reiatsu suddenly contracted into a tight shield. If I could see him, I knew he'd be wearing a calm smile and his eyes would be half-lidded. He resumed caressing my stomach, swirling water over my torso.

_I'll deal with it. Help me reach bankai._

_'We'll step up on bankai training once you're discharged.'_

xxxxx

When I left the hospital I felt different.

Not because of scars, thankfully, since Unohana-taichou's healing bath did wonders, but because I now had the drive to actually become captain. Rinbayashi's place was held for me. It would be held for me. Sasakibe had turned down the position, I knew, and there wasn't any other qualified lieutenant. The next in line were Byakuya and me; none of the others, not even Kaien, were close to our reiatsu strength.

Byakuya was probably close to bankai. I promised myself silently that I would make captaincy before the Kuchiki lordling did.

He might not be guilty of injuring me, but he had allowed my friend to die. He hadn't done all he could – if he wanted he probably could've extended her life longer, feed her reiatsu or something. She didn't have to die if not for him. He would pay.

Earlier on when Aizen-sama trained me, Shinsou and I were not serious. Neither of us wanted to leave Kyoka Suigetsu (for Shinsou) or Aizen-sama. He knew that too, and did his best to get us going. I was able to manifest Shinsou with no trouble now, although the idea of beating that smartmouthed athlete was laughable.

But now... If being a captain was what it took to kill with impunity, then I would take the job.

And they would pay. All of them.

xxxxx

“I need a new lieutenant,” Tousen said by way of greeting when we passed him in the corridor.

I smiled brightly at him. “Oh hi Ichimaru! It's wonderful you're out and about! You should be resting though, I heard Kuchiki-taichou did a number on you!”

“Be nice,” admonished Aizen-sama as Tousen glowered briefly in my direction. I stuck my tongue out at him. Aizen-sama continued the conversation. “A new one? What happened?”

Tousen lowered his voice. “He went through my files.”

“We don't leave paper trails, Tousen,” said Aizen-sama quietly. “I know the ninth is the main forwarding facility, but we don't leave paper trails.”

It was I who caught the sudden flare of guilt which subsided immediately. Narrowing my eyes I told Aizen-sama silently what I believed. Aizen-sama smiled like a tiger and shook his head at me.

“Y'know, I think we should be paying the Academy students a visit. I hear they have a bright new star skipping levels at a go. What was his name again?”

“I've heard of him,” said Aizen-sama. I stepped up close behind him, my gaze fixed on Tousen's impassive face. My captain half-turned his head and said, “I think he's name is Hisagi Shuuhei.”

Tousen nodded. “He's been earmarked to be an officer the instant he graduates. Perhaps I should check out his abilities; he might be an asset.”

“I have a better idea,” I said. “Arrange something that allows us to make contact with him without it seeming too obvious that we wanna check him out.”

“Sounds viable,” remarked Aizen-sama. “Tousen, could you arrange such a meeting?”

“I will. Good afternoon, Aizen-taichou, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.” He turned down the bend.

Aizen-sama's smile disappeared. _'He left a paper trail, didn't he?'_

_He's worried. He's afraid we'll fail. That's his backup plan._

_'You really think that Zahl of yours would put his mind at ease?'_

_Yes. Zahl has many good qualities, from what I know and am hearing these days. And if Tousen ever needs to get some relief for that tight blocked up ass of his, Zahl can assist him there too._

_'Tousen Kaname is straight, love.'_

_I'd say he's frigid._ I wrinkled up my nose. We strolled towards our division barracks. It was time for kido practice, and I was supposed to lead the men.

Aizen-sama smiled. A passing messenger flushed, probably taken by the adorableness of my lover. _'You really don't like him at all, do you?'_

_Not one bit. He hates me too, so it balances out._

_'He has his uses.'_

_And the day he ceases to be useful, can I be the one? Can I?_

_'Of course. You'll enjoy it far more than I will.'_

xxxxx

xxxxx

Hisagi Shuuhei wasn't as in control as he appeared to be, I could tell. Even from my vantage point I noted his clenched fist and the hand behind him, fingers flexing and closing. He was hiding his nerves quite competently though; his classmates were as taken in as the bunch of freshmen.

Speaking of freshmen... I nudged Aizen-sama. _Check out that redhead._

 _'He's cute,'_ agreed Aizen-sama. He tugged at his wrist, somewhat preoccupied. _'But there is an air of rebellion about him.'_

_You know how redheads can get._

_'I might need to refresh my memory.'_

I smirked. There were a few places we could visit to pick up a kid for a night, and I had no doubt he had a hankering for a threesome. The occasional inclusion of another would strengthen the bond. Something about alloys.

_'Your Zahl is performing quite admirably. He has the stance of a leader.'_

_He also follows instructions very well._

_'You sound like his publicist, Gin. Should I be jealous?'_

I smirked at my lover. _If it means you're gonna get all possessive for later, then hell yeah._

We remained hidden and invisible to others. Tousen was relying on us for a full analysis – his inability to see meant he could be hidden by Kyoka Suigetsu's power either. It was boring, watching the students go through the mind-numbing exercise of Soul Burial. We occupied ourselves with kisses and murmured exchanges, all the time keeping a tight rein on our reiatsu.

Aizen-sama was explaining the finer points of chado when the giant hollows emerged. I raised my eyebrows appreciatively.

_Good work, Aizen-sama. I didn't even feel them._

_'The reiatsu-masking process is fully in place now for all the arrancar. By the way, you might want to follow me into Las Noches one of these days.'_

_Why?_

_'There is a newborn arrancar I think you may like. Beautiful thing – very much to your taste.'_

_Keep him safe for me then. When are you heading back?_

_'Next week? We'll have to prepare gifts though, for Grimmjow. He won't take kindly to losing his follower.'_

The screams of the students interrupted our conversation. With a grin I perched on our seat – the blood from the two useless upperclassmen spattered across the concrete surface. To my pleased admiration, Hisagi was still facing the monstrously huge hollows. His face was bloodied on the right; I glanced at Aizen-sama. He had a secretive, soft smile on his face.

_Oh yes. You are jealous._

_'Perhaps I am.'_

The students were running; Hisagi had patched in a call that was being monitored by Tousen's crew.

 _'That girl just stopped and ran back,'_ Aizen-sama pointed out.

I stared. She was valiant, darting to the beleaguered Hisagi. Her two teammates – including the redhead both Aizen-sama and I noticed – returned with her. They held back the sweeping claws and the girl fired a basic kidou spell.

They were going to die – they didn't have the ability to hold back the increasing number of hollows. The kids were shaking. Hisagi looked ready to defend them to his last breath.

_Did you ask Ulquiorra to send so many?_

_'Yes. These were becoming arrogant.'_ He got ready to sheathe his sword. No need to sully the mirror with these low beings.  _'Ready?'_

_Ready._

The blond – a delicate-looking youth, nothing compared to Hisagi's wild beauty nor the redhead's fierce elegance – shrieked in fear. Something in his voice made me shudder. Idly I wondered whether the kid really was a screamer or perhaps it took near-death experiences to draw out that delicious sound.

Aizen-sama dropped the illusion. Shinsou shot forward, neatly dispatching one of their attackers.

All four of them turned around, disbelief and hope blended. Hisagi's uninjured eye widened to see that I was there. The rest gaped; I supposed this was their first interaction with higher officers.

_'Wonderful entrance you just crafted for us, Gin.'_

_Which of them are you interested in, Aizen-sama?_

_The one I touch._ He walked through the group, casually ruffling up the brunette's hair. As I followed I caught the scent of the blond. Vanilla: he had to come from a noble family to afford such a fragrance. Just before Aizen-sama and I prepared to destroy the giant hollows, I studied all four again. The redhead had a glittering sort of respect, the girl was already falling in love with the persona of Aizen-taichou, Hisagi uncertain yet grateful for my assistance, and the blond was shaking but wide-eyed with admiration.

I shot Shinsou forward again. _Can I pick?_

_'Which, Gin? Hisagi or the redheaded kid?'_

_Neither. I want the blond youth._

_'Oh?'_

I grinned, making sure they could see my smile even as I fought the hollows. _I want to hear him scream again._

Aizen-sama was lackadaisical about the idea. _'He doesn't seem to be strong, Gin.'_

_Let me have him._

_'Alright, if you can get him he's yours.'_

_Deal. Have fun with the girl._ I knew a jealous note had crept into my voice but I let him sense it.

_'I plan to mess up her mind, Gin, not sleep with her. Like I'd be interested in a puny, prepubescent build.'_

_We'll see how it goes, hmm?_

_'Yes, we will. If you do make him scream again, I want to watch.'_

_You're on._

 


	63. 63.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And from here, you may wish to open the third pov of the series, Caresses.

Hisagi tried not to flinch as I treated his cuts. He flat out refused to have me use healing jutsus, and I wasn't about to argue where Aizen-sama was around to hear. I could always find out the reason later.

“And we're done,” I said, tying off the temporary bandage.

“Thank you, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.” He made to stand but I placed a warning hand on his knee.

I lowered my voice so that the others couldn't hear. “Why didn't you ask to come to the fifth?”

He looked away, a hint of guilt. “I don't think that would be wise, sir. I do know that you and Aizen-taichou are partners.”

“He doesn't know about that time before your admission,” I said softly. “And he won't. I miss you, Zahl.”

He swallowed before looking at me out of his left eye. “...I really don't think it'd be wise for you to keep after me, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. If he ever finds out, I'm not sure what I should do.”

“Don't you miss me?” I pressed on, the smile on my lips turning a little wistful.

“I-” He flushed, the red beneath his tattoo tantalizing. “I do, but it's not the same now. I know who you are, and who your lover is, and I can't afford to lose what I've gained thus far.”

I sighed dramatically. “Selfish Zahl,” I accused. Then I grinned to take away the sting in my criticism. “But I'm glad to know you miss me enough to wear the choker I sent. I'm sorry I burned the other one up too.”

He smiled back faintly. “You are better, right? I heard about your hospitalization.”

“I'm fine,” I assured him easily. “Aizen-taichou takes good care of me.”

My captain called out, “Gin?”

“Oops, gotta go.” I stood, patting his knee. “Good luck with Tousen-taichou. He's a real bore. And don't worry; our secret will be safe.”

Hisagi smiled again. “Thanks, Yuki.”

Aizen-sama introduced the three first-years to me, while Hisagi asked for the gate to Seireitei to be opened. The redhead, Abarai Renji, was confident and cocky; I wondered whether he could learn to submit to his betters. The girl, already starry-eyed by my gallant lover, was Hinamori Momo. She had good skin tone, I noticed, and Aizen-sama commanded me silently to clamp down the jealousy. The blond was Kira Izuru, the current star of the batch.

“Kira-san here has the highest scores of all the freshmen in the Academy,” bubbled Hinamori.

Kira blushed. It was a very pretty shade of pink that colored his cheeks. I wanted to see more of it. He hadn't noticed my scrutiny, but proceeded to deny his own strengths. “Hinamori-san is the master of kido, and Abarai-san is the smartest in zanjutsu out of all of us.”

“You're pretty strong yourself, Kira, you're good in everything,” said Abarai loyally.

_How true is that?_

_'True enough. He has high scores for hakudo, zanjutsu and kido, as well as in theory lessons. The girl is great at kido only, while the boy is a natural swordsman, according to Ito-sensei.'_

_But you want the girl?_

_'She's biddable and easy to manipulate. The blond is a good choice but I like them sassy and confident, not shrinking violets.'_

_I like his shyness though, it's interesting._

_'Opposites do attract then.'_

The gate was opened again and I trooped after my captain, knowing that the quartet would follow soon enough.

xxxxx

“Sousuke, you're finally entrusting your boy to my guidance.” Rinbayashi beamed at Aizen-sama. “You sure he'll be safe here?”

Aizen-sama smiled humbly. “I learned a lot from you, sensei, and I'm sure Gin can too. He needs a firmer hand than I'm willing to provide.”

She cackled. “Ah, young love. I miss those days – dear Jiro, how I miss him.”

Pushing herself to her feet she studied me carefully. “And you, young man, how do you feel about this arrangement?”

I shrugged. “I don't think one way or the other about it.”

She backhanded me without hesitation; I didn't even see her move. I stumbled sideways, and was caught by Aizen-sama's strong arms. Rinbayashi glared at me. “Don't lie, boy, I can see right through you. As I see right through him.”

Aizen-sama nudged me to stand on my own. _'She doesn't. But she has had a lot of experience reading people.'_

_Thanks for the late warning._

_'I forgot. Go on, turn on that charm and win her over. She likes you already.'_

_I'd hate to be someone she dislikes._

The exchange took place in split seconds. I bowed my head and answered, “I don't like that Aizen-taichou has, once again, rearranged my life without consulting me. But like he said, I can learn a lot from you, so perhaps he has good reasons.”

“Much better, boy,” Rinbayashi settled again on her seat. Waving my captain away she told me to sit down opposite her.

Aizen-sama bowed and left. _'See you later, Gin.'_

_Later, Aizen-sama._

“So, how long have you been fucking each other?” she asked casually. “Is he good in bed?”

I forced a blush. Not that hard to do, since I hadn't been expecting that question from the old woman. “Um... we got together a few years after I graduated and um... after I... it's kinda hard to talk about it. Almost half a century.”

Rinbayashi frowned. “Ah yes, the Matsumoto girl. I remember now.” She tapped her fingers on the desk. “And the second question, boy. Is Sousuke treating you right in bed?”

This time the blush rose without any hesitation.

“I'll take that as a yes then,” Rinbayashi laughed. “I've liked seeing how you and him interact out there in the meetings. Discreet. I like discreet, especially since you had to break someone else's heart to get there. When it was him and that Kisuke boy, they were NOT discreet. I was glad they kicked Kisuke out; boy was a troublemaker. Sousuke's done better with you.”

With the last two comments she won herself a friend for life in me.

“So, Ichimaru-san,” she said, pushing an envelope across the desktop, “I am going to train you to become a captain. Captain of my squad, in fact. And to do so, these are things you need to know.”

“What are these, Rinbayashi-taichou?”

“Rinbayashi-sensei from now on, boy,” she said. “That dossier contains information about my officers, shinigami duties we perform, patrol rosters, and the purpose of the third division. What do you know about us?”

I considered. “Nothing much.”

“And that is how you will have to keep it,” said Rinbayashi. “Because we form the core of the internal investigations unit. Soifon can rant and rave about her special forces, but here – here is where we dig out secrets. Are you a secretive person?”

“Not really,” I said, “since all of Seireitei knows my relationship with Aizen-taichou.”

“But if you were to keep a secret...” she leaned closer, “can you do it?”

“Yes.”

“And can you dig out secrets? Can you read people's minds?”

“I can do the first; as for the second, I doubt even you, Rinbayashi-sensei, can do.” I smiled winningly. “But I can act as if I do. I can act anything.”

She sat back in her chair, a smile on her thin lips. “You are very smart, boy. Yes, everything is about acting. Sousuke's right, you are a natural.”

xxxxx

The aroma of Aizen-sama's cooking welcomed me back home. He was still puttering about in the kitchen, dressed in a dark green yukata and a white apron, when I waltzed in and kissed him.

“How do you find her, Gin?” he asked, his left arm slipping about my waist and pinning me to his body. He scooped up some soup for me to taste.

I sipped obediently. Just right. “I like her,” I admitted.

“As do I.” He covered the pot. “Still five minutes to go before it's ready. What did you learn today?”

“That she's an old fraud.”

He chuckled at the back of his throat. “That she is. And she's an old fraud that has survived many centuries.”

I neatened his collar and removed a grain of rice from his cheek. “That's something to learn. Though I guess her bluntness shakes people up and that's partly how she gets the information she wants.”

“It's a skill,” he commented. “Do you think you can better it?”

After thinking over that for a moment, I smiled. “I know I can.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

The quarterly meeting of captains and lieutenants was taking forever. I stifled a yawn. Aizen-sama was feigning interest again; we were engaged in a mental discussion about the state of Kyoraku's inebriation and whether Soifon had ever known the love of a man. Rinbayashi stood to excuse herself. She gave us a small smirk as she passed; sometimes she'd pretend poorer health to get away from such gatherings.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri was holding court about having developed a reiatsu-limiting device for all captains and lieutenants leaving Soul Society to the human realm. From Yamamoto's narrowed gaze I knew he liked the idea.

“Any other business?” asked Sasakibe, after the twelfth captain had distributed copies of his design to all of us. “If not the meeting will be adjou-”

“There is one business,” I said, getting to my feet. Aizen-sama half-turned in his seat, as if uncertain of what I was going to say. “There is one other business. I wish to ask why nothing has been done about Kuchiki-taichou's attack on me.”

“Sit down, Gin,” warned Aizen-sama.

I glared at him. “I was punished last month for stabbing Byakuya-kun. Why has nothing been done about Kuchiki-taichou?”

“Sit. Down.” Aizen-sama was on his feet, looking at me. “He was in his right.”

“That wasn't what you said when you visited me in hospital.”

He raised his voice fractionally. “That was before I knew you attacked Kuchiki-fukutaichou without provocation.”

“You-”

“Enough!” My retort was cut off by Yamamoto's warning bellow. The old man got to his feet. “That is no longer a matter of concern, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. Dismissed.”

Everyone filed out of the meeting room. The Kuchiki father and son strode past us, neither meeting my fierce gaze.

_'Let's go.'_

I trailed after Aizen-sama to an almost-secluded corner before wheeling on him. “You didn't even stand up for me!”

“You were in the wrong.”

“You're my lo – my captain,” I said, changing the word midway. “Maybe for once you should show more favoritism!”

“Gin, I know you're upset, but this is not how it works,” he said placatingly.

I scoffed. “Yeah, who can believe that a _captain_ can do something wrong, eh?”

“Gin... enough of this nonsense.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hick brown hair. “You can't just accuse a captain of not being treated the way a lieutenant is.”

“Why can't I?” I shouted at him. “It's not fair. It's not fair that I had to be placed under lock and key for three days and my salary deducted for eight months while he gets away with almost murdering me?!”

“Gin!” Aizen-sama pinned me to the wall. We were both breathing heavily. “I hate that you almost died because of him, but it was your own loss of control that landed you in those straits. You were responsible for what happened to you.”

I shook him off. “Tell me,” I breathed out heavily, “Tell me that isn't what you really think.”

Aizen-sama stood gazing into my face, brown eyes sad and weary. We waited out the silence into tension, and then I shook my head and stalked off.

I didn't even acknowledge Kurosawa and Matsumoto who were hiding in plain sight around the bend in the corridor.

xxxxx

Silently I observed the flurry of students as they wandered past. A few recognized me: I had just been featured in Shinigami Monthly after all. And then I sensed someone coming towards me.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye. _Kira Izuru. My timing really is impeccable._

“Good-” the boy's voice had emerged at an oddly high pitch, and he coughed to clear his throat. I was charmed. He tried again. “Good afternoon, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

I told myself to not appear too eager. In fact, looking at his bright eyes and shy smile, I'd say he was more than eager enough for the both of us. “I know you, don't I? From the other night, what, two, three weeks ago? Ki... something, uh... Kira Izuru, first year student in the top class. Am I right?”

His head bobbed up and down. _So very adorable,_ I thought. _Are you getting this?_

_'I am. And he is. I'd like to congratulate you on your taste, Gin, but I have to focus on preparing the lecture. Tune me out for now?'_

_Alright. Do you need my help?_

_'Later, love. I'll send for you.'_

“How are you, Kira-san?” I asked.

“I'm f-fine. Um, call me Kira, p-please. Em...I never r-really... th-thanked you for sa-saving us that night.”

Even the stutter was cute. I patted myself on the back for picking out the best in the selection offered. “It was our job. What, you would have us watch you die?”

“N-no! I d-d-didn't mean-” The poor boy was flustered and rather flummoxed.

I chuckled and stood to ruffle his pale golden hair. “Don't think too much about it. You guys did fine, facing such enemies without turning tail.”

Kira lowered his head, unable to look me in the eye. “Thank you, Ichimaru-fukutaichou, but I... I was terrified.”

“Who wouldn't be?” I asked rhetorically. Then I wondered how far I could push my luck. “Kira, are you free to accompany a lazy fukutaichou now?”

He frowned, lower lip catching in his teeth. Briefly I considered the likelihood of him being a screamer and a biter. It would be such fun to find out...

“Not really,” said Kira.

 _Damn. Did I get the schedule wrong?_ Putting on a bravely disappointed face, I said with a soft sigh, “Ah well, another time then.”

“Not free for a lazy fukutaichou, s-sir, but definitely free for Ichimaru-fukutaichou,” the boy hastened to add.

That was _much_ more like it. I grinned at Kira, studying the faint pink about his ears and his darting gaze that couldn't linger on my face. “You got a smart mouth on ya, Kira. Hope you have a brain to match.”

He flushed and hugged his books a little closer to his slender frame. If I wasn't mistaken, there was also a delighted smile somewhere beneath the shy stuttering.

I probably would have a really easy time landing this one, but the lack of direct challenge didn't mean I couldn't make it hard on myself.

I vowed to let Kira take the lead for this dance.

Aizen-sama was right. I was a glutton for punishment.

 


	64. 64.

My breathing became labored, and I had to swipe my brow with the back of my hand to remove the perspiration dripping into my eyes. Nevertheless I was having fun.

“That all you got?” I taunted, shifting back a little on my heels.

He snarled. His movements, though fast and fluid, were becoming predictable. As he closed in I turned to my right, laughing again.

“Come on Shinsou, gimme whatcha got.” I danced through the forest of spears that had erupted earlier, narrowly ducking the edged blades. “Or y'ain't got no more to give?”

“I'll peel your skin and make me a coat,” he snarled, his long white braid snapping around. I loved how my zanpakuto moved: it was a dance, each kick precise, each stab poetic, each turn a study of beauty. His golden eyes gleamed for an instant, betraying his passion. Shinsou was a master at the poker face, but I knew – as intimately as I knew myself – that my sword was enjoying our combat session a little too much. I knew I could beat him once I could master his superior speed. Shinsou was weak in hand-to-hand. But I had to steal the spear from him first; that was his term.

Off to the side of the training grounds my lover was watching with dedicated intensity. He was taking notes, no doubt, of where I could do better.

I sidestepped a thrust, grabbed the silver weapon, then used my own momentum to wrest the spear from Shinsou's hands. Before he could let go he snapped a kick at my solar plexus, then pulled the spear back. The bladed point gashed across my palm and I hissed in pain.

Shinsou grinned wolfishly. “First blood.”

“Not that serious,” I challenged, licking across the wound. Then I hunkered down and released two low level kido spells in succession, before flash-stepping to the left. Shinsou, however, saw through the ploy, and darted to the right, flicking his weapon at my face. I dodged,narrowly avoiding a cut to my face. Inwardly I fumed. I had yet to land a blow on him yet today, and I was getting impatient. Dropping my defences I sprinted forward and reached for him. He leaped and somersaulted over my head, whereupon I jabbed up with my elbow to catch him in the throat. Shinsou leaned impossibly back and I almost lost my balance. With that momentary disadvantage, Shinsou let himself land on his shoulders and flipped upright. I, on the other hand, was kicked twice and ended up sprawled on the ground.

Before I could roll upright, I felt the cold point of Shinsou's spear at my throat.

“I win again,” he said.

I smiled. “Perhaps.”

I gripped the head of the spear with both hands and shoved back, before rolling to my feet. Risking a glance to the side, I suddenly noticed Aizen-sama wasn't there.

“We are in a battle here, Gin,” Shinsou called out before swinging the shaft of the weapon down. I blocked and swept his feet out from under him, but he recovered too quickly for me to make use of the opening. Instead I found myself trapped again by the spear, caught in his embrace, the metal shaft choking me at the throat.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to force my way out, I decided to try guile. Twisting in his hold I faced him and, in a burst of instinct, grabbed Shinsou by the back of his head and kissed him.

He released me immediately, flinging an arm across his face.

I laughed outright at the outraged embarrassment on Shinsou's colorless face. “Shy, aren't we?”

“You keep your lips to yourself and Aizen-sama.” He rubbed at his lips again. Then he slammed the point of the spear towards me, his movements even more driven than before, fueled by anger and passion.

Now I could see the weaknesses in his defense. Hotheaded Shinsou, losing his focus after a single chaste kiss. If I had used tongue, he might have surrendered immediately.

_Hmm._

I must have let my mind wander a little too much, because I again found myself on my back, spear pointed at my throat, and a foot on my chest. Shinsou tossed his braid back over his muscled shoulder. “You lose this time too.”

“I'll get you yet,” I promised. Then I inhaled deeply, trying to recover my breath. Grinning up at my manifested zanpakuto, I said, “I didn't know you like being on top.”

He removed his booted foot immediately. Grudgingly he extended a hand to pull me to my feet. “You,” he enunciated clearly, “are a pervert.”

“Admit it. You like it that way,” I whispered against his ear, pressing close to him again for an instant.

“I'm going back.” His golden eyes flashed again, before he risked a small smile. “And maybe I do...” _:...like it that way.:_

I chuckled again before flopping to the ground. It was so torn up, the gardening crew would have a hard time repairing it. But that was how bankai practice was like.

 _Where did you go?_ I asked Aizen-sama, unsure if he was in range. Already the emptiness that signified a reduced connection was edging into the link. He didn't reply, and I assumed he was too far away to respond to the message.

I hated that emptiness. It felt like I was missing something vital. Like a heartbeat, or a torso. If that was how it would feel if we were reborn into different places, I vowed to keep this existence forever, just so I would never feel that emptiness.

xxxxx

When he returned I was still soaking in the bath, trying to ease the aches and soreness from the fight with Shinsou.

“Hey,” he said, slipping into the bathroom, and proceeded to undress.

No matter how often I saw him nude, I still loved to study his body. Perfectly sculpted muscles ripple down his back as he shucked off the uniform and he tossed both the top and his hakama into our laundry basket. As he went on to rinse himself, I wondered why he was silent, both outwardly and telepathically.

He joined me in the bath after he had cleaned himself. As I turned to rest against his chest, I could feel the current of worry threaded through his aura.

“Don't think about it,” he said quietly, kissing my temple. His hands kneaded my shoulders, easing the tight knots away. I hummed contentedly. Aizen-sama continued to roll the fatigue and tightness from my muscles.

I ran my hands along his thighs. He was tense about something. I wondered if I should ask him about it, but before I could say anything he told me to get out of the bath. “The water is getting cold.”

“You're right,” I replied.

I got out of the bath first to get towels. He leaned back, as if considering something, before he got to his feet. I stopped in my tracks, watching the wet roll down his firm and combat-toned body. He held a hand out for his towel and I passed it to him. Aizen-sama wasn't himself; if he had seen the look I had in my eyes a moment ago he should have reciprocated with an answering smile, but now he was grim. He left for the bedroom without another word.

Wrapping a towel about my hips I went to get another for his hair. His thick hair needed more time than mine to dry, and so I usually spent some time finger-combing the dark locks while he sat and relaxed. Today, however, he caught me by my waist and pulled me close, and then buried his face in my stomach.

_'You're not going to like this.'_

I frowned slightly. He was preparing me for bad news, and now I was nervous of hearing it.

_'Byakuya's attained bankai.'_

I stiffened. He hugged me tighter. I shut my eyes. “Fuck.”

“It's alright, Gin,” he murmured. “He'll just get promoted first-”

“No it's not alright, dammit,” I said, pulling away, turning to look out the window at the deepening dusk. “I don't want to lose to him. I've always lost to him in the academy. I'm sick and tired of losing to that well-bred, arrogant, fortunate princeling!”

“You became lieutenant before he did-”

“He had the chance before I did, and he turned it down,” I snapped. Only a few of us knew about it: Hisana had made a similar comment and Byakuya had corrected her while I was visiting.

It rankled. Always, always he was above me. In looks, in skill, in smarts, in luck, in love. I desperately wanted to be able to beat him at something, and once again I succeeded in coming second to Kuchiki Byakuya. I thought I had buried this competitiveness deep within after the stabbing incident not too long ago, but I was wrong.

It had been buried, and it had germinated and grown.

“Fucking Kuchiki lordlin,” I cursed once more.

_'You needn't be this troubled. You're the equal and better of Byakuya in many respects-'_

“What would _you_ know of it?” I swiveled on my heel. “Nothing! I was the one who had to live with the knowledge that there's someone better, no matter how hard I try. I was the one who kept fighting upstream and whose efforts are never seen, simply because I am from Rukongai. I was the one who saw how they fawned over that prissy lordling, simply because _he_ is a Kuchiki!”

“I had lived with the shadow of others over me too.” Aizen-sama came and wrapped a robe around me. “It's no big deal.”

“Not to you!” I shook him off, swallowed by the envy and anger within. “He has everything he should want, and he acts as if the world owes him. He has money, power without having to earn it. He has talent for everything. He has had love, real love, someone who loves him and has given everything for him.”

“Gin, you have those too. You have me.” _'You have me, Gin. Is that not enough?'_

“I have you?” I laughed shortly. “I have you? I think you got that the other way around. You – have me. Like you have everything else. I'm just part of your collection, one of your playthings-” I broke off the rant abruptly.

There was an unreadable expression on Aizen-sama's face. His voice was very quiet when he spoke. “A plaything. That is how you see yourself in my life?”

I swallowed and licked my lips. _No. No, I don't._ “I didn't mean it.”

“Yes you did. That was exactly how you felt.” His voice was terribly, terribly quiet and calm. If I had to describe the emotion in his eyes, I would say he was hurt. Extremely hurt, by my thoughtless comment. “After all I have said, all I have done, you still feel as if you mean nothing to me.”

“No, no, Aizen-sama, I'm sorry, I was just – I know how you feel about me.” I dared closer, reaching for his arm. He let me hold him, and let me move close enough to feel the heat of his body.

His eyes narrowed and I froze. “Yes you do. And you think so little of it that you insult my affections.”

“Aizen-sama, I didn't mean – aah!” I cried out as his left hand gripped my right wrist and tightened his hold.

“You think you're a plaything? Then you will be a plaything.” With his right hand he grabbed my neck and pulled me close. “Then I will remind you what it means to be my plaything.”

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..._

_'Sorry? Why should you be? I haven't played in a long while. Thanks for offering.'_

He shoved me into the wall. I gasped, my breath forcibly expelled by the impact. He tore off the robe he had so lovingly put over me a few minutes ago. “Unmarked skin,” he commented, and then suddenly sank his teeth into the flesh between shoulder and neck.

I whimpered at the sudden agony. We were used to pain, but normally we used pain as a prelude to pleasure. By the savagery shown in Aizen-sama's attack, I knew there would be no pleasure tonight. He ripped his teeth deeper into the bite and his fingers dug into my neck. Colors swam before my eyes; I almost passed out from the lack of blood reaching my brain.

Before I could faint he had thrown me to the floor. My shoulder was bruised, I realized, and he was not holding back his reiatsu as he stalked towards me. Instinctively I tried to back away, but his foot stamped down on my left ankle and shattered it. Blinding anguish stabbed through my body, almost masking my scream.

“Shhh. You know I don't like screams from my toys.” He crouched down, tracing his fingers feather-lightly up my trembling calf. “Not when they're as exquisite as you.”

I bit down on my lower lip, breath hitching in fear. It had been so long since I witnessed this aspect of my lover that I had forgotten exactly how much enjoyment he derived from the infliction of pain. He kissed up my leg, following the path taken by his hand, and I shook with nervous anticipation.

He turned me over to lie on my stomach, disregarding the excruciation from my ankle. I could sense both his distress and his satisfaction in the dealing of my punishment, and somehow that exacerbated my guilt.

His large hands now positioned me for himself. I whimpered; I hated doing it on the floor, like a rutting dog, and he forced my shoulders lower until my back was screaming in agony. And then he was thrusting into my body, not bothering with preparation, and yanking my head back so that my back was arched. I burned; I tore.

My fingers clenched and tightened, nails digging into my palms, drawing blood. I wondered if I bled there too.

He let go of my hair. Reaching over he slowly drew my hands behind me and gripped them. Altering his position slightly I felt him pressing against my prostate. And then he stopped moving, although he was still buried in me.

“Move,” he commanded. “Tell me how much you like it.”

My breathing hiccuped. I rocked back slowly, hissing as the movement brought sharp pleasure hidden under the burning sensation. “I... I like it. I love... I love having-having you in me.”

These words had been said before, in the throes of loving, but now they grated like lies.

“I-I love being your-yours. I lo-love being treated like... like this.”

“Like what, exactly? What are you, Gin?” He played with my fingers while I moved against his hips.

“Like... like a lover.”

I couldn't restrain the shriek. He had broken a finger casually. To silence me he thrust forward roughly. “What are you, Gin?”

“Bitch...”

“Was that an insult, hmm?” he murmured, and snapped another finger.

Tears were dripping off my chin as I sobbed for air. As his hand tightened about a third finger I said, “No, no. I'm... I love b-being your bitch. I l-love when you ride m-me so h-hard I ca-can't control myself.”

“Move faster,” he ordered, caressing each finger slowly. Every time he touched one of the injured digits I twitched violently. In response he sucked on the broken fingers and I whimpered, my entire body shaking with pain.

Aizen-sama licked my left palm. “You're not moving faster,” he admonished, hands locking about my trembling wrists.

Now I knew how hurt he had been by my thoughtlessness – I screamed, unable to stop, begging for the punishment to end.

xxxxx

I curled into a ball. The tears had dried, leaving a sticky residue on my face. Blood and ejaculate stuck to my thighs. I couldn't move. When he reached for me I relaxed and sniffed once, and rested against his chest.

_I'm sorry, Aizen-sama. I love you, I really do._

_'You shouldn't have doubted me.'_

_I know. I'm sorry. I love you._

_'It's alright now. We'll get you through bankai training. Byakuya still needs time to hone his skills. Rinbayashi still has things to teach you. Don't think too much about it, love.'_

_Yes Aizen-sama._ My eyelids fluttered as the warmth of healing jutsu enveloped my broken wrists and hands. He had already mended the ankle. I rolled over to snuggle into his broad chest, to fall asleep to the lullaby of his heartbeat.

_I will learn, Aizen-sama._

_'Good. Now rest, Gin. We have a certain someone to see tomorrow.'_

 


	65. 65.

I floored another with an easy sweep of my legs. “You are not firm in your stance,” I said, and the observant took note of my throwaway line. The one that I had toppled was groaning slightly, her long braid slightly loose. I pulled her to her feet.

She bowed and winced. I rolled my shoulders and said, “Were you expecting me to a gentleman? To give way because you're a woman?”

She mumbled an answer.

“Speak up!” I barked.

“Yes, Ichimaru-fukutaichou!”

“Good that you're honest.” I smiled. Then the smile was switched off as I looked around at the fourth-years. “There is no such thing as gender on the battle field. There is only alive or dead. Hollows won't give a hair whether you're a woman or a man, whether you're a high-ranking officer or some nameless shinigami. They will kill, and they will eat. Forget gender differences, forget being ladylike or gentlemanly. On the battlefield, you kill, or you die.”

They were silent. I tweaked a brow and smiled again – Aizen-sama was almost here. Nodding at Ise I sauntered off to retrieve Shinsou. The bespectacled lieutenant took the mat, and motioned for the next student for a lesson on never underestimating an opponent.

_You feel... different. What's up?_

_'Nothing special. Are you alright? Any twinges?'_

_No. I'm alright._ I smiled to myself now, hiding my face from the other students in the dojo. Although that night had been an unpleasant reminder of how heartless he could be to attain his aim, he had also been extremely tender afterwards. I meant more than my body physically though; the envy I had for Byakuya had faded – not gone, no, but faded to a bearable throb – but I also held myself superior to all of them.

Aizen-sama, powerful, vital and potent, bound me to him for eternity. Me, a scrawny little bastard from goodness-knew-where, a complete nothing guided to my current place through him, now his chosen partner for the rest of time.

The poor, ignorant fools had nothing to compare.

_'I met your little worshiper just now. He's adorable.'_

_He is, isn't he?_

_'Are you done? I'll wait outside and we'll go to the dean together.'_

_I thought you wanted to release Kyoka Suigetsu?_

_'That can wait. Come on.'_

I exited after I signaled Ise. She had just elbowed another in the gut before snapping his wrist. He bellowed in pain, and tried to swing at her. As she nudged her glasses up the bridge of her nose she kicked him. I winced in sympathy when the student rolled up into a ball of agony.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was leaning against the wall. I mopped the bit of perspiration from my brow and fell in step behind him. We were only a block away from the dean's office. I wondered what he wanted to see us about – Ise and I were handling the practical lessons well enough, and I knew Aizen-sama's mass lectures were one of the top five most wanted in the academy. (The other four were Ukitake-taichou, Yamamoto-taichou, Kyoraku-taichou, and Kuchiki-taichou.)

The dean was much the same as I remembered him. Portly, with a straggly beard, pasty skinned, but with shrewd eyes and great command of kido. He was also one of the old officers of the fifth, retired from active duty just before I joined.

“How are you both?” he said as we sat before his table.

I smiled. “I'm fine.”

“I'm fine. What is the matter that you wish to bring to my attention?” Aizen-sama wasn't going to waste time on pleasantries.

The dean pushed a letter across the table's shiny surface. “I received this letter last night.”

Aizen-sama took it and read it, before showing it to me. After skimming through it I read it aloud.

“ _Dear sir,_

_Although it pains me to pen these distasteful things on paper, I feel I have to bring to your attention that Ichimaru Gin, lieutenant of the fifth, is actively seeking to seduce and corrupt a new student. The student is, of course, impressed by Ichimaru-fukutaichou's capability and skill, and I am afraid falling deeper into Ichimaru-fukutaichou's trap. Forgive me for not naming him; he will not admit to it and will probably fall deeper and harder for Ichimaru-fukutaichou's maneuvering if cornered._

_I hold no grudge against the lieutenant. Ichimaru-fukutaichou has been nothing but kindness to me, and this is the main reason why I feel I should write this letter. Prior to entering the academy, I spent a week in his company. I had no idea that he was a lieutenant, and he gave no clue to his true identity. I have found him to be dangerously charming, which, in itself, is no danger, but he is also unscrupulous and without a moral compass._

_Although I am but a student, I have reflected long and hard upon my understanding of the man. He might be a competent and capable lieutenant when under the guidance and watchful eye of his captain, but if left to his own devices, Ichimaru-fukutaichou might lead too many astray. And one, sir, is far too many._

_Your humble student, Hisagi Shuuhei.”_

“I would throw it away since it threatens the reputation of the Gotei,” said the dean, “but there is the ring of sincerity to the words.”

“Of course there is,” I said, flipping the letter back on the table. “Hisagi Shuuhei. He's trying to protect his junior. Can't say as I blame him.”

The dean sighed. “Then it must be Kira Izuru he's talking about. Are you involved with the boy?”

“No.” I chuckled. “With Aizen-taichou watching, how dare I?”

“You've never let that stop you before,” the dean deadpanned.

Aizen-sama scoffed and looked through the letter again. “He's a brave one,” he said grudgingly. “You will have to be seen to do something. I suppose you made sure he'll see me walking out sternly and furiously.”

“I'll go by another way then,” I supplied thoughtfully. “And the news of my punishment has to spread even to the academy.”

“When is your next session with the graduating class?” Aizen-sama asked.

I frowned as I thought over my schedule. “Three days from now. Morning, I think the first lesson.”

“Good.” The gleam in his eye meant I had something to look forward to before the practical lesson. Shivering deliciously I looked at my hands in my lap, failing to hide the eager smile on my face.

The dean coughed and reminded us of his presence. “I take it that you need this letter no more?”

“No, I do not. Make sure no traces of it can be found after Hisagi has seen poor, battered Ichimaru.” Aizen-sama rose to his feet. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

The dean smiled. “The last one is almost worn out. Anything new?”

Aizen-sama chuckled. “I'll get back to you by the end of the week. Thank you for the letter.”

xxxxx

I bit back a moan as he slid into me. _What's the payment?_

 _'Hmm? For the dean? He has... deviant tastes. But he's easily satisfied; a child is enough to keep him happy for a decade or so.'_ Our mouths locked, finding each other in the dusty darkness.

As his tongue explored the contents of my mouth, my fingers scratched down his shoulders. The haori shifted and fell to his elbows. _Children?_

_'Like I said, he has deviant tastes. I'm the only one who knows of it – and I'm the one who knows how to set up discreet transportation of the child to his quarters without it being known to the rest of Soul Society.'_

_Why do you do it? It's not as if we need him._ I inhaled deeply while his mouth closed around my earlobe. His heated breath washed over my sensitive ears and I bucked forward.

He groaned softly and thrust deeper. _'On the contrary. If I didn't have men such as him in different places throughout Soul Society, there will be too much information lost and unused. They are necessary.'_

 _I find them distasteful. I would much rather they be killed off._ My teeth sank into his shoulder as we found our rhythm. His left forearm braced against the wall, his right hand pulled my leg higher and I moaned at the familiar and erotic sensation.

_'They will be, once you've succeeded Rinbayashi in the Third. That's where information is gathered and decrypted. In fact, if not for your dangerously charming nature, I would have had to finagle a way into it myself. Good work there.'_

A box toppled off the shelf by my head, its contents spilling across the unseen floor. We forced ourselves to pause in our thrusts, breathing heavily. No one came to investigate. He sighed against my cheek and bit back a low groan when I rolled my hips to get him started again.

_I think – we should finish this quickly. We need to get back to work._

_'Yes, we do. We'll talk later.'_

His hand caressed up my thigh, over my hip, before he licked it and closed it around my arousal. I gasped and came over his hand and our stomachs. I had to bury my face into his neck as he emptied into me.

Then we pulled apart, my legs a little shaky. He cleaned me as best as he could and I shuddered at the feel of his fingers behind the cloth on my sensitized skin. I licked my lips. “Note to Aizen-sama: supply closet is not a good place for a quickie,” I whispered, now feeling a bruise from the shelf that had dug into my waist.

“I wasn't about to bend you over my desk and pound into you, since anyone may walk in on us,” he answered equally quietly. “As tempting as that may sound.”

“Still,” I complained, wincing, “it hurts.”

“You'll have a nice, real bruise at the training then. I have to get back to work. Go clean up, I'll see you in the office.”

“Show Hisagi your game face, alright?” I kissed the end of his nose and silently slipped out of the closet, feeling filthy down the back of my legs and tingly all over the rest of me. The few students who were still about gave me a wide berth, no doubt on account of both my reputation and the disheveled appearance.

xxxxx

xxxxx

We were having a working lunch with Kurosawa and Matsumoto when the news of Kuchiki Takayuki's collapse came in.

“Yamamoto-soutaichou requests the presence of both Kurosawa-taichou and Aizen-taichou,” the messenger said, waiting for our response. Seeing that neither of our captains was about to react, I told him to leave.

Going to the coat stand, Aizen-sama tugged on his haori absently. “We should go too, Shino. Gin, report at Rinbayashi's. They might need your assistance.”

“Yes, taichou.”

“Yeah, we should go now. Matsumoto, hold the fort, eh? Check the cells too, in case any of the more powerful ones get ahold of the news an' think they can take advantage.”

The bearded man shrugged into his haori. I straightened Aizen-sama's before he left, and he rewarded me with a brief smile and a brush over my fingers. They were striding away, not in any rush. I wondered if they had ever fought against each other; I had heard that the tenth captain had never been seen in battle, but he had to be strong to hold his place among the top thirteen in Soul Society.

“I'm glad to see you and he are happy together,” Matsumoto's voice cut into my thoughts.

I turned around. “What?”

“You and Aizen-taichou.” Matsumoto smiled, a tad like her sunny self in the Academy. “Perhaps he really is the only person for you. Even if you had stayed married with me, you wouldn't have been happy.”

“I shouldn't have even married you,” I told her quietly. “I must have hurt you terribly.”

She sighed. “You did. But why do you care? You don't love me.”

“I don't love you as a wife,” I clarified slowly. “That doesn't mean I don't love you. You're looking much better these days. More yourself.”

She rubbed the back of her neck. “It took a long time to get over you, Gin. Even after the ten years you spent in Fegefeuer. I had hated you so much I almost... well, you know. But nowadays, it's easier, seeing you and him together.”

“Any reason why?” I asked as I returned to my seat and resumed my meal. No sense wasting food.

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe I've discovered that I don't love you as a husband either. You're just... Gin. The one who found me and gave me a birthday. My friend and comforter.”

“As you are indubitably Matsumoto Rangiku,” I said. Placing some stir-fried vegetables on her plate, I added, “And you are a part of who I am, what I am. I can't change that, and I don't plan to.”

“Neither do I,” she said. Our eyes met across the table, finally at peace with each other with a few simple words. Then she grinned. “Actually I wanna ask your opinion of someone.”

“Who?”

“Iba.”

I nearly choked. “Iba? The gangster-lookalike Tetsuzaemon Iba? Seventh division?”

“The very same. He's asked me out twice.”

“Really.” I raised a brow at her. “You do know he's a mummy's boy, don't you?”

She was taken aback. “He is?”

“Yeah. Check with Madarame and Ayasegawa of the Eleventh if you're not convinced.” I snorted. “But he's a good man, I gotta say. Clearly knows where his heart and priorities lay. Only you hafta ask yourself if that's your priority to look after mama, because once you're involved, you are involved with her as well.”

“Hmm...” She wrinkled her nose and I grinned. “I'll give him a trial then.”

“I'm sure there are others...” I trailed off when I saw the look in her eyes. She wished it had been different, still. I smiled lopsidedly and soldiered on bravely. “Which other men has been courageous and foolhardy enough to ask you out?”

She laughed, a soft, rippling laugh that I had missed. “Too many.” Matsumoto was making the effort, I could tell, and I appreciated her for it. Even if Hisana had died, I still had a friend in Matsumoto. We finished the meal quickly before I headed to Rinbayashi's.

xxxxx

“We'll attend the funeral tomorrow evening, Gin,” said Aizen-sama while I brushed my teeth. He wiped his face with the towel and tossed it into the laundry basket. “Full Gotei regalia. Oh, and I'll be training Byakuya for captaincy as well, so our bankai training will have to take place in the evenings.”

I spat and rinsed. “You're gonna be too busy for me,” I pouted, as I began a lather in my palms.

“That's the life of a captain, I'm afraid,” he said unapologetically.

“You're just looking for ways to get rid of me,” I accused laughingly. He squeezed my ass before he left for the bedroom.

I finished my washing up before I exited and palmed off the lights. He was lounging on the futon in his reading pose, feet propped up on a pillow, back to the wall. We still liked western-styled beds, for its... potential for playing, but we did keep a set of futons in the division barracks. I settled and curled into his side, head resting on his shoulder.

“Ne, Aizen-sama,” I began but he cut me off.

“No. He remains untainted.”

“I haven't even said-”

“I know you, Gin. You already have your little Kira to play with, so I'm disallowing any others. Particularly one who will have a lot of influence over Seireitei. I have to be friendly with him and he has to trust me, and that is impossible to do if you want to bed him just to show your dominance.”

I pouted again, then snuggled closer. “You want?”

“Not tonight, Gin.” He stroked my silver hair affectionately. “I want to wake up early tomorrow.”

I pressed my mouth to his neck, to savor the scent of Aizen-sama before I slept. “Alright. I'll wake ya up then.”

He glanced at me, questioning gaze in place, but I directed my most innocent look at him. He wasn't taken in for a second. Before he leaned in for a goodnight kiss, he murmured, “Fox.”

“Liar,” I whispered against his warm lips, softened by water earlier, before they closed over mine. _Goodnight, Aizen-sama._

_'Goodnight, lover. Sweet dreams.'_

_I'll dream of you._

_'Too much of me is a surfeit of pleasure. Best to take a break – dream of whoever you want.'_

I smiled, still locked in the tender kiss. _I'll dream of you._

 _'Flatterer.'_ His tone belied his words; there was a pleased current to his reiatsu and I caressed his stomach slowly. He pulled away and brushed my fringe aside, then kissed me on my forehead. “Goodnight, lover.”

“G'night.”

 


	66. 66.

I slid my tongue over the hardened nipple, loving how he bucked at the contact. He was still asleep, I could tell, his mind and heart unguarded and relaxed. A soft moan slipped past his lips and I smiled, my hand now stroking his length. Still drowsing he turned to me and I licked his lips, grinning at the ticklish stubble.

I loved how much he trusted me, enough to let go of his control. I hadn't noticed it before, because I didn't know what he was like without his utter domination over his thoughts and emotions, but recently he was more open, more playful, more honest with me. Every now and then I could catch a flicker of his real thoughts before he schooled his mind into more appropriate channels of thinking. Was it passive jealousy over Kira that had stirred up the inner, affectionate Aizen Sousuke? Or perhaps the impending separation?

He blinked an eye half-open, the deep brown almost black with subdued heat. “Mm.”

“Morning, Aizen-sama,” I crooned, tongue flicking across his mouth before I moved down to his chest. He pulled at the robe I wrapped about myself and I grunted, not really willing to take it off. Early mornings were chilly. But he insisted and I gave in; he was the one who had to wake early anyway. I still had an hour or two left to sleep before I had to appear in the office.

His quiet sighs and groans of pleasure urged me to put in more effort. Vaguely I wondered whether I measured up to Aizen's previous lovers – especially a blond ex-captain – and whether he ever really forgot them. I put the thought out of my head; I had a lover to satisfy.

His climax took me by surprise, so focused was I on giving him pleasure. He was covered in a fine sheen of perspiration when I slithered up his body to peck him on his lips. He held me close, a silent command for us to cuddle.

“Fox,” he muttered, nibbling on my lower lip. “You are the best alarm clock a man could have.”

“How are ya gonna wake on time when I'm gone, then, hmm?” I teased, a sweet pang spreading from my heart to my gut.

“I wish I knew.” He sighed and hugged me closer. I thrilled; he was becoming more and more demonstrative each day. Maybe one day he could be persuaded to show the rest what they had been missing. Relaxing and tensing under his circling palm on my back, I wondered if other people in love found themselves reacting the same way. My lips pressed lightly over his skin as he continued caressing me. Pushing my nose under his jaw, I felt his hold slacken and his hands skating down my sides. “I wish I knew, Gin, but I don't.”

I clung to him. I felt balanced today, as if everything was perfect, and I didn't want anything to disturb the balance within. “It's alright, Aizen-sama. We'll figure it out. I'll figure it out.”

He held me a little longer, until I dozed off. When I woke up alone on the large futon, something in me tightened, and tears burned in my eyes. I inhaled deeply, pushing the emotion back, but it sat like a lumo of rock on my chest, weighing me down.

How was I to cope without him near me every night and every morning?

xxxxx

The budget matters were easily settled and I got down to grading the fourth-year students with Ise Nanao. Somehow I kept feeling eyes on the back of my head, but I could never catch Kyoraku-taichou at it. He was a deep one, I knew, even before Rinbayashi taught me how to study body language and facial tics. The problem with Kyoraku-taichou was that all his actions were so large that his real motives were swamped by too much information. The gaudy haori, the large straw hat, the flamboyance... it all formed the walls around his sharp mind and incisive thoughts.

Ise, on the other hand, was easy to read. She was in complete denial about her affections for her captain, because he was involved with Ukitake-taichou. But from what I heard the relationship between the two captains was very open and Kyoraku was free to dabble as he wanted, as long as Ukitake maintained his primacy in his heart.

Pretty much like how Aizen-taichou and I operated, really.

By the time we were done debating the various strengths and weaknesses of the students I was famished.

“Why don't you have lunch with us, Gin-san?” asked Kyoraku out of the blue.

I was about to accept the invite when I sensed Aizen-sama heading our way. I had, in fact, turned to the door before I realized what I was doing, and Aizen-sama knocked on the open frame.

“May I come in?” he asked, a pleasant smile on his face. Ise quickly got to her feet and bowed, while Kyoraku merely grunted permission.

I couldn't stop the bright smile on my face if I tried. I had no idea why I felt so glad about his proximity, nor did I really care – something was making me happy about being near him, and I would be satisfied with ignorance.

No, it wasn't happiness. It was deeper, far deeper.

“Hey.” He smiled at me, a little warmer than usual. “Would you like to have lunch with me?”

I beamed. “I would love to, taichou.”

“My, my, aren't you two polite.” Kyoraku lifted the brim of that hat. “I remember when you would just yank Kisuke off to go do whatever it is you do, Sousuke-kun.”

“That was in the past,” Aizen-sama replied, a faint smile on his face. “And Urahara isn't here anymore. Gin is, and we're hungry. Do excuse us.”

Strange. The mention of Urahara didn't cause a twinge of jealousy at all.

“I have a craving for curry rice,” my captain said as we walked down the corridor, me following two paces behind. “I heard that the commissary has it today.”

“Are you intending to eat there?” I asked. I didn't want to – the shinigami who did eat there always stared at me. I didn't know why, but that was how it was.

Aizen-sama cocked his head and looked at me. He knew very well how I felt about that place. “All right. We'll get the food, and we'll eat in the captain's quarters. Deal?”

“Deal.” What was this feeling that enveloped me?

xxxxx

When we disentangled after our post-lunch fight, I studied my uniform in dismay. “You ripped it again,” I accused Aizen-sama, who hooked an arm about me and pulled me to his chest.

“Sorry. You can wear one of mine,” he said without real repentance, nuzzling into the curve of my neck. I tingled again, and reluctantly withdrew from his embrace. We still had the rest of the workday and our lunch break was almost over. “I'll meet you later at the cemetery.”

“You've already spoken to Kurosawa?” I asked as I pulled on one of Aizen-sama's uniforms. It was slightly large, but after adjusting the belt it fit alright. It smelled of him, of musk and sunshine and amber, and my skin warmed from the imaginary contact.

“Yes. You'll be spending the night at the interrogation block, Gin, remember that,” he said as he combed through the tangles in his hair. Replacing his glasses, he straightened up and smiled at me.

_I feel strange, Aizen-sama._

_'Hmm? Are you ill?'_

_No, just... happy. Very happy, and uncomfortable, and eager, and confused. I don't know. I feel... content._

He took my hands and put them about himself. _'That's a good thing, to be happy.'_

 _But I don't know WHY I'm happy._ I had rested my chin on his shoulder, rubbing my nose against the back of his ear. _I just am._

“Don't you like the feeling, Gin?” he asked softly.

I hesitated. “I do,” I answered after a long pause. “I just find it unsettling.”

“Don't be. If you're happy, that's all that's important. Everything else is unnecessary information.” He kissed my brow and lips before we slid the division barracks open. It was raining outside, water tap-tap-tapping on the windows and tiled roofs.

xxxxx

xxxxx

Matsumoto's sigh didn't escape my sharp hearing. “Gin, is it true?”

“About what?” I asked, the smile still present.

Kurosawa paused in his pacing. “The letter. Is it true?”

“Well, I did stray a little when taichou wasn't around,” I temporized, choosing to admit to the facts. “But it wasn't as if I was cheating. I liked the boy for the fucking, that's all.”

Matsumoto looked sick with my tone. I wet my lips and relaxed into the hard chair. Kurosawa sat down in front of me.

“Listen up good, Ichimaru,” he said slowly. “I know you're not as dense as that. Are you, or are you not, planning to lead some shinigami academy student astray?”

“How could I? It's not as if I'm alone with any of them at any time,” I said. “Look. I'm already in trouble with taichou for that affair. Lemme out so I can go and apologize to taichou.”

“Not yet. Matsumoto, watch him.” Kurosawa left the room, no doubt to figure out exactly what law I had broken. I grinned to myself; there will be nothing to hold me here for more than twenty hours. Of course he could choose to turn me over to the maggot heap, but I knew Matsumoto would fight to the death against such injustice.

Said strawberry blonde buried her face in her hands. “What the hell is going on, Gin? Are you really gonna do what that Hisagi boy said?”

“Y'know, something's kinda funny here,” I drawled, leaning forward. She frowned and mimicked my gesture. I whispered, “I'm freezin' my nuts off, and you can tolerate having nothing covering yer chest?”

She hissed irritatedly and sat back in her chair. I let the smile fade for an instant and the second she looked up, it was firmly back in place. She got up and circled the room, before landingheavily back in her seat. “Gin, this isn't a game.”

“Oh?” I smirked. “Then why is it that I'm the one bein' played like a marionette?”

“What d'ya mean?”

“Where is my accuser, Matsumoto-fukutaichou?” I asked slowly. “Where is my slanderer?”

She blinked. “He is not here, Gin. We're not undergoing a judicial process yet.”

“You are already assuming that there will be one,” I pointed out coolly. “And I also noticed that you didn't dispute the idea that he is a slanderer. So is that your own beliefs?”

She was too raw, too close to me to actually investigate. Even Kurosawa would have been a better choice – except the man went at everything with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. I would have observed, befriended, finagled and then, with the first signal of wrongdoing, lock the perpetrator away. It always looked better with the crime committed than with the crime yet to be committed “but he looked like he was about to do it”.

_:Tell that to those in the maggot heap.:_

I shushed Shinsou. We had found out once, while researching Urahara. It was something Seireitei did exceptionally well: denying and cowering. Under the cover of Kyoka Suigetsu we had sneaked into the place, and I had sickened to see them stripped of dignity, memory, self. Rinbayashi had allowed me partial access to the memory banks, and there was an entry within.

Six hundred and seventeen died, because they had the _potential_ to become evil. If there was a reliable measurement of such potential, then all of Soul Society should belong within. All of existence should belong within.

If there had been an accurate measurement of such potential, I should have been in there long before now.

Matsumoto's sigh of resignation drew me back to the here and now. “Gin, this is bullshit.”

“Tsk, tsk, Ran, language.”

“Are you gonna do it?”

“Do what?”

“You know what I'm talking about.”

“Enlighten me.”

She gave up at that, leaving me alone in a plain, gray room. I counted to myself, humming. I could keep this up all night.

xxxxx

When they released me the next evening, I decided to take a stroll along the river to ease the tightness along my spine before heading home. I had slept leaning against the wall – since my eyes were slitted most people couldn't tell the difference between awake-me and sleeping-me anyway, and I wanted them off guard.

Kurosawa's face had been a study in frustration. I laughed to myself when he unlocked the door, bowing politely to him and inquiring if he wished to have dinner with Aizen-sama and I. He had barely grunted a smile, but the attempt was there.

The evening breeze was sweetly scented. I wished I didn't have the reek of a night spent in a holding cell; it interfered with the simple bliss of a solitary stroll. As I walked downriver a curious sight greeted me.

Hisagi Shuuhei was leading Kira Izuru by the hand, and had just bent to whisper something in the blond youth's ear. I stopped in my tracks, wondering exactly when Hisagi had started going out with Kira.

The dark-haired student sensed me. He turned his head and I waggled my fingers at him in greeting. He hesitated, nodded quickly – and led his date in the opposite direction. I had no idea why Kira didn't notice me, though.

That wasn't really important anyway. I had to get back to meet Aizen-sama. Whistling to myself, I hurried back to the barracks.

xxxxx

The messenger knelt and delivered his message. “Kuchiki-taichou has passed on.”

I was shocked. “What?”

“Kuchiki-taichou has passed on,” the messenger repeated, then bowed. “All captains and lieutenants are requested to assemble at the Kuchiki mansions, where the sixth division has gathered.”

Aizen-sama put down his bowl. “When was this?”

“Fourteen hundred hours, Aizen-taichou.”

Aizen-sama waved the messenger away and stood up. “Come on, Gin. We have to change.”

“How- He wasn't that bad, was he?” I inquired as I pulled on a new set of robes. Aizen-sama hunted around for his belt and I handed it to him before I tied on my own. “I hadn't heard he was that frail.”

He didn't answer, merely straightened my uniform before walking out of our rooms.

Perplexed, I followed wordlessly. He swept down the corridors and I couldn't penetrate his thoughts. Although it was unfair that he could lock me out so easily from his mind, I knew he couldn't hide his emotions from me while I could mask mine from him. Something was unsettling and I tried to sift through the swirl of emotions.

I thought I detected a dark tint to Aizen-sama's reiatsu, and it thrilled and terrified me.

If anything, Aizen-sama was _triumphant_.

I shuddered as the edge of his victorious mood suffused me. _Aizen-sama, what pleases you?_

_'You will see, love. You will see and understand. I will not have people presuming to usurp my prerogative.'_

 


	67. 67.

We got to the Kuchiki household with the second division's leaders. Soi Fon had her usual expressionless mask on, while Omaeda had managed to get himself presentably crumb-free for once. I followed my captain to two seats left for us, between Unohana and Komamura. Yamamoto didn't speak, so Sasakibe took over.

“Kuchiki-taichou has passed on to the next cycle,” he began, and I saw Kyoraku lower his gaze. Ukitake wasn't present – Kaien had his place – and I wondered if the thirteenth captain was suffering another episode again.

What would it be like to know you're dying? To know that your lover for centuries was dying and that there was nothing you could do to stop it? I tore my mind from the morbid thoughts and swallowed. I should have drunk something before I left the house. Aizen-sama had clamped down on his reiatsu; I could still sense the undercurrent of satisfaction in his emotions, but otherwise he appeared as serious as any other shinigami present. More so.

The coffin was behind, in the anteroom. It was already draped with white cloth bearing both the insignia of the sixth and the seal of the noble house. Wan and pale Byakuya sat beside Sasakibe, bearing the armband of the sixth lieutenant. The scarf and kenseiken was laid out in front of him, probably because he hadn't taken over as the head of the household yet.

Sasakibe bowed to his captain before going on. “Due to Kuchiki Byakuya's relative inexperience, the sixth division will be jointly run by the third and fifth division captains' guidance, while Kuchiki-dono takes on the role of captain-elect.”

As he talked i let my mind wander. Acquired habit, really; Rinbayashi-sensei had told me that most times, while people are listening to someone else, they release control of their real emotions. Suddenly it hit me, and for a second I thought I had fallen into a nightmare.

_'No you haven't. I just lifted Kyoka Suigetsu's illusion from you alone.'_

_Aizen-taichou, you mean-_

_'Yes.'_

The nausea and terrible admiration rose in me simultaneously. He had managed to do it, to one of the most powerful shinigami of Seireitei.

 _How?_ Even the question sounded wrong in my head.

 _'You know how.'_ He was grave and concerned in outward appearance, and thrumming with pleased contentment at a tricky job done well within.

I tried not to look at anyone in the eye, especially Byakuya's. For once I was afraid that my mask would slip and my glee would show.

In a world occupied only by Aizen-sama, Tousen and I, the screaming of Kuchiki Takayuki echoed from the confines of his coffin.

xxxxx

I kissed along the broad shoulders of my lover, kneading the tense cords. He exhaled slowly and rapturously, relaxing into my efforts. He caught my hand and tugged me into his lap, heedless of my sprawled and ungainly posture.

“You liked it,” he said and rubbed my nose with his. “Should I fear you now?”

“You're the one who came up with the idea,” I reminded him.

His hand slipped the loose robe I wore earlier around me again and pressed against the tattoo on my back. I lifted both arms and looped them around his neck, entranced by the dark gaze that was focused solely on me. Aizen-sama was intoxicating, enchanting; my breath was becoming shallow as he moved his hands. His fingers traced up my spine and I arched into his chest, a breathless moan escaping from my lips. I was still tender, and he contented himself with butterfly kisses.

Aizen-sama let his lips ghost over my face, his breath warm puffs that drove my need higher. He knew all the right places to touch to rouse my eagerness, and the easiest ways to get my attention. Every time his skin made contact with mine – even the non-sexual touches – I would feel a thrill deep within, and an answering echo from his reiatsu. And when we had sex – perhaps we should call it making love now – the feedback effect of our rings meant we _sensed_ completely each other's pleasure and contentment.

Now I just wanted to rest. The adrenaline high of murder was fading and we luxuriated in each other's warmth. “Why, Aizen-sama?”

“I need a reason?” We fell back to the bed and he tucked me under his chin as was our habit. Our legs twined together and I winced at the mess still sticking to me. He didn't complain though. “Why do I need a reason?”

_Because he was dying anyway._

He smiled softly and kissed my forehead. _'What, and let him go off scot-free? Never knowing the anguish he put me through? I couldn't do that.'_

 _And here I thought you did it for me_ , I wrinkled my nose and bit his collarbone. He gave a small yelp. _Selfish bastard._

He huffed and pulled me closer. ' _You love me anyway.'_

 _You wish._ I adjusted my position, got more comfortable. _Did Hisagi find out?_

_'Yes. Now be quiet, I want to sleep.'_

_I listen and obey, taichou._ I kissed the hollow below his ear and he rumbled a good night. A _nd thank you. I appreciate what you did._

Aizen-sama hummed a reply. I took the hint and let myself drift into sleep.

xxxxx

The next morning I wandered out of the division, not caring that I had a large stack of paperwork to deal with. It was far too breezy a day to be cooped up with paper and ink. Aizen-sama would scold, of course, but I would make it up to him later.

Right now I wanted a walk.

Almost on instinct my feet took me to the Academy. I liked being lieutenant; very few places were closed to me. Most people would assume I was there on official business, and most educators avoided offending the Gotei, in case their students suffered from not being placed.

Drawn by the sounds of kido practice I slipped in to observe. My black robes hid me well in a corner. To my surprise there were other observers ranged along the safe walls – Hisagi was one of them. I made sure to _think_ silent and to _think_ blending into the background, the way Utagawa Jin had taught me.

xxxxx

“ _You have to let yourself fade into nothing so that the others don't see you until you want them to.”_

“ _What's the point?”_

“ _The point is to eavesdrop. What, you think all the information we need come from official sources?”_

“ _And Yamamoto sanctions this?”_

“ _Yamamoto-taichou even in your thoughts, young man. Yes, to an extent. It's necessary to maintain the peace and stability of Seireitei. After all, if those who despair don't get their hands dirty, who is supposed to?”_

“ _By the way, Jin, would you like to take the captain's place when she, y'know?”_

“ _And deal with all the garbage she has to handle? No way in hell, Gin. 'Sides, I know I'll never go to bankai level. I ain't that strong. You can have the headaches and the paperwork.”_

“ _Gee, thanks.”_

xxxxx

It was boring; most had little to no energy worth speaking of to fire even the most basic spell. Then Abarai took his turn, and I had to chuckle at his mangling of the fire-based kido. Thank goodness I was way back against the wall.

Then I caught sight of a lovely shade of blond.

_Hmm. Methinks it's time for some fun. Now where's Hisagi?_

He was on the second level, leaning against the railing, having cheered Abarai on earlier and was now waiting for Kira's turn. I watched him give a wave to his little love interest, and Kira waved back shyly. The young student was still about three turns away and I hurried out to the second level.

As I stepped onto the platform some of the other students turned, noticed my presence, and skittered off. Hisagi was focused on the people below though.

“Hell-o Zahn,” I murmured, right beside his ear.

He jerked backwards and stood ramrod straight. “Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

“Or perhaps the humble student, Hisagi Shuuhei?” I tilted my head and studied the current row of practicing kido students. The girl Aizen-sama was thinking to replace my seat was there. What was her name again? Something mori... not important.

Hisagi was turning a dull red. “I had to.”

“That was mighty brave o'ya, Hisagi,” I commented. “And of course y'know 'bout the time I had ta spend in the tenth. Don't get inta the tenth, I'm tellin' ya, hideous place.”

He was silent. I could sense his nervousness.

Good.

I leaned my forearms on the railing to watch. “Hey, it's Kira's turn.” Without even turning around I knew Hisagi was stiffening, his ire rising. I smiled down at the students, willing the blond to look up.

He did, and blushed a bright red. I smiled more broadly and wiggled my fingers in greeting. The spell Kira let loose was straight and true, and well-controlled. Perfect, in fact; not even I had managed that at the same age. Then he looked up and beamed sort of embarrassedly at me before taking his place behind the others again.

“Leave Kira alone,” I heard Hisagi state quietly behind me.

I turned around again, letting my back rest against the railing. He was staring at me, face pale, the tattoo vivid against his fair skin. There was a rigidity to his shoulders that could not hide the slight shaking of his arms.

With a careless shrug I said, “Don't see why I should.”

“Leave him alone, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. Please.” Hisagi bit on his upper lip once and added, “Please.”

I let my lip curl in one corner. “You like 'im?”

He had to wait, think over my question. “Yes. I do like him a lot.”

“Then why worry?” I held my hands open. “I'm certain you're more'n able ta keep seductive and corruptin' influences away from him, eh?”

“Sir, please. I need your promise to keep away from Kira Izuru.”

I stalked up to him. “Hisagi Shuuhei, you are in no position to beg me fer a promise o' that sort. After all, yer only a student.”

“Yuki, please!”

“Much better,” I remarked and stepped back. Then I smirked. “I promise I'll stay away from him as long as you have 'im. No longer, Zahl. An' I ain't makin' promises about what t'do when he comes ta me.”

He was so relieved he didn't catch the last part. Instead he bowed and thanked me. I waved him away and he scrambled downstairs.

 _I don't have to go to him, silly boy._ I snorted to myself. Even the dense Ikkaku would have caught the tricky wording. _He will come to me. Bet you anything._

I peered up at the cloudless sky and wondered if I ought to get back to work. Somehow I doubted my mind would be on the filling of forms and the redistribution of papers. When the hell butterfly came I flash-stepped away in the opposite direction, determined to shirk every duty I had for the day. It was much too fine a weather to be cooped up in the office, even if Aizen-sama was there.

xxxxx

“This is a nice surprise,” said Kaien as he led me into the inner garden where Ukitake-taichou was having his noon rest. “I hardly see you out and about.”

“I decided to play truant today. You see any missive fer me, tell me early so I can run,” I told Kaien honestly. He laughed, a big, open sound. “How is Ukitake-taichou?”

Kaien sighed. “The same, y'know. I wish I could shirk for a day too, but you know how my third seats are like.”

I shuddered. “I bow to you and your captain's patience. I'd have kicked them out after a day.”

“Why thank you for the compliment, Ichimaru-san,” chuckled Ukitake-taichou from the sunny seat he had. I sauntered up and took the proffered cushion. “Kaien, join us for some green tea?”

“Can't, taichou, got the new batch of recruits to scare into obedience. Catch ya later,” he said and left. Ukitake lifted his brows at me as if we shared some secret, and I couldn't help laughing softly. It was pleasant to be here, with this easygoing and stolid captain, whose faith and tenacity drew admiration and love from everyone – even Aizen-sama told me he looked up to Ukitake-taichou, and that was an honor.

We sat for a few minutes, listening to the wind chimes. Finally the white-haired captain asked, “So what brings you here?”

“Just random wandering,” I said. “Dinna wanna tackle the forms today, and I figured they could wait while the breeze won't. If I go anywhere near the fifth today taichou's gonna scold, so I'll wait fer the day ta end before I say sorry for truancy.”

“He doesn't cut you any slack?” Ukitake was genuinely surprised. “I would have.”

“Too bad you ain't my captain.”

“Aizen-san would disagree.” He sipped his tea and grew somber. “Will you be assisting Kuchiki-san?”

For a second I thought he was referring to the elder one, and I almost choked on the tea. “Uh, yeah, I heard taichou's helping him train up his bankai. I'm takin' over some of his duties.”

“Then should you be here drinking tea with a sickly captain, Ichimaru-san?”

That had to be one of the most roundabout rebukes I'd ever had. I had the decency to grin abashedly before I shrugged. “It's only for one day. I'll make it up tomorrow. Really!”

“I know,” he answered, a forgiving glint in his eyes. “Your work thus far has been impeccable.”

“How do you know?”

“The captains keep track of a rising star. You know you'll take over from Rinbayashi-san, right?” White hair streamed in the stiff breeze and the captain pulled his robe tighter about him. “I'll miss her, the old fogey.”

“She's still around,” I pointed out helpfully, “and she won't like hearing that name, y'know.”

He winked at me. “She has a soft spot for good-looking men like us. It's not a problem. Besides,” he added in a normal tone, “she calls me baby boy. I think I'm entitled.”

I laughed and finished the drink. “A'right, time to go before the hell butterfly finds me.”

“talk to me whenever you're free, Ichimaru-san. I'd like to keep tabs on how you are doing.”

I smiled and stepped out of the garden. The honesty Ukitake-taichou demonstrated was refreshing, and I knew he _would_ keep tabs on me. But such presumption from him never offended.

I wondered why.

_'Where the hell are – what are you doing over at the thirteenth's? Get back here and get to work!'_

Damn – I had forgotten that the thirteenth was actually not that far since I had looped back closer to the main offices. Aizen-sama's range must have improved over the months. I could practically feel the bellow.

_Ease up, Aizen-sama. I'll make it up to you tonight and tomorrow I'll finish everything. Gimme a break, ne?_

_'You come back here right now or I'll tan your hide, fukutaichou!'_

_Tsk tsk._ I grinned, sidestepping a block and speeding to the west _gate. You're slipping into old-people-speak._

_'You lil' silver-haired fox-faced shinigami slacker, we are the main forwarding facility and you jolly well come back to work right_ _ now _ _.'_

_No. I refuse. Bye!_ With that I raced out to enjoy the rest of the day. The breeze was perfect for kite-flying and sun-basking, and no yelling from my lover and my captain would drag me back into that stuffy little office. When I become captain, I would take a day off for every fine weather day. And if it was a rainy day, well, I could still find my own entertainment.

 


	68. 68.

He was reading in the bedroom again when I tiptoed into our home. I had showered in the division barracks, surprising quite a few officers – I had to send four into the canteen on duty as punishment for ogling – and was feeling rather silly for indulging in my fancies. I had peeked into the office and my share of work was done. Everything.

Aizen-sama had been so sweet for completing my work and his. I felt a rush of emotion and went to his desk. _Hmm. Cricket need to be replaced._ The cup he drank tea from was dry and unused, from what I could tell. Just to be certain I went to the tea caddy and peered into the kettle for good measure. All were bone-dry – he didn't even have his usual post-lunch tea.

The surge of affection made me swallow back tears. It was common for him to do things like these for his subordinates, but this was the first time I was the recipient. The last time he did something like this was for our fifteenth and eleventh seats, who had contracted measles. He even sent them home-cooked soup.

I knew it was how he garnered their loyalty and affection, but I also knew that even if I had been just a junior officer and my captain did something like this, I would have followed him into hell itself. Knowing all that I did, I would still pledge my total devotion.

Aizen-sama turned the page and I knocked timorously on the wooden frame of the door. “Did we have fun?”

“We? Why are you permitted to use that pronoun when I was in the office finishing your work?”

I shuffled in, wondering how to make amends. Still, he didn't feel angry when I reached out with my mind, just resigned and annoyed. I held out my hand, the bouquet of wildflowers I had picked earlier wilting slightly but brilliantly colored nonetheless. “Na, Aizen-sama... I got them for you.” I shook the handful and a few petals drifted to the floor.

“Not good enough.” He lifted his brows. ' _It's pretty. But I want proper compensation.'_

I smirked. “So... I've been a bad, bad boy, have I?”

“Glad you know there's a sense of repentance.” He crooked his index finger, beckoning me closer. I got to my knees before him and turned my head to expose more of my throat. He leaned in (that musk! I would never get him perfume; he smelt heavenly as he was) and whispered, his lips brushing my ears, “You have been a _very_ naughty boy, and I will punish you.”

 _Oh yes._ I sighed in anticipation. “Are you gonna make me cry?”

“Yes,” he replied, not moving his face an inch to the left or right, his left hand stealing up my thigh. “I am.”

“Are you gonna make me scream?” I angled my face to better inhale his heady fragrance.

His hand was on my hip now, nearing my beginning arousal. “Yes, I am.”

“Are you,” I asked, my voice dropping into that hushed, hoarse whisper he loved to hear, “gonna make me beg to be a good boy?”

“Yes, I am.” I could hear him smile. His left hand slid up to my neck, moving carefully along the column. I swallowed against his palm. Then he shifted back, away from me, and put on his glasses. I tensed, wondering what he wanted me to do now. Aizen-sama's tongue flicked the corner of his mouth; I doubted he even knew it. “So. Are you, Ichimaru Gin, really, truly, sorry?”

My pulse thundered in my veins. This was going to be very entertaining. “Maybe.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

A few nights after my act of truancy (and the delicious night of punishment) I asked Aizen-sama to join me at the abandoned sekiseki quarry where I trained. He was just finishing the bimonthly captains' meeting.

For the entire day I had felt uneasy, too tight for my skin, and Shinsou was antsy as well. Now, as I prepared to call him out, I realized that this was very probably _the_ night.

Aizen-sama arrived quickly. “Hello, Gin. What is it?”

“I don't know,” I answered honestly. “I just feel you should be nearby.” There was a humming in my chest and I touched it, confused. “Restless and tumultuous.”

“Really.” He examined me a minute longer and drew out his sword. “Show me.”

I looked at him and then released Shinsou. We ran through the usual drill, parry, thrust, parry, thrust, slash, hack, parry, thrust – my warm-up and his. When I felt ready I nodded at him and Aizen-sama jumped aside.

“He's here.” I breathed, aware of another presence behind my lover. Shinsou was splendid, arrayed now in armor. The green-blue plates with gold edging brought out his regal air, and his long white hair tied in a ponytail streamed freely behind him. His golden eyes narrowed and then relaxed as he identified Aizen-sama, greeting him politely. “Good meeting, Aizen-taichou.”

“Good meeting, Shinsou,” Aizen-sama replied. He then retreated,leaving the stage for my sword and I. Shinsou stepped carefully around me, identifying a perimeter I didn't know existed. Slowly, he inched closer, every circle about me just that bit closer. The spear – my target – was pointed at the ground, and the shaft was held near his body.

Then his rhythm faltered. I reached for the spear, my fingertips scraping across the fine silver length and I clawed again, meeting nothing but air. He had danced away from my reach. The point of the spear stabbed at me and I wove and ducked, the rigorous shunpo drills Jin had been putting me through showing in better reflexes.

I kicked up, then grabbed, clawed, missed – he was fast too, and I had to force him into showing an opening. Punch – _missed –_ uppercut – _knuckle-duster –_ another back kick. He dodged to the left and swung the spear up, slicing across my forearm as I tore off his hair tie. I was beginning to feel the exertion. The cut wasn't deep, not really, and I licked away the trail of crimson. He was tall, and he wielded a mid-range weapon; I folded lower, making myself a smaller target.

His golden eyes flashed with contempt at my avoidance. I moved into shunpo, a flurry of hakuda moves as fast as I could execute. I knew a few connected, but none hard enough to defeat him. The armor had neutralized most of the blows anyway.

Fed up, I clawed at his eyes and he instinctively shielded them. Without further though I jerked the blow upwards and swept the spear out of its hands, grabbed it and swung it in an arc before plunging into the earth.

“Bankai!”

I could see the ground rumble and crack before blades shot out from the ground. Sword edges glinted everywhere, a lethal parody of a forest. It looked amazing under the light of the half moon, something that was made to kill and leave not even a trace.

It looked really good.

But it felt wrong. It felt... pathetic.

I yanked the spear out of the ground and stormed over to Shinsou, grabbing him by the collar and pulled him to me.

“Look at me,” I ordered in a low voice. Shinsou did. “I won. But I _didn't_ win.” The words were tumbling out now, words that had emerged from my soul. “You gave in, you gave the fucking hell _in!”_

I flung the spear at my feet. “Fuck you, Shinsou. I don't want a bankai this weak.”

Shinsou breathed heavily, looking at the silver spear that lay beside him. Then he got up, uninjured and imposing. “Good. You want a strong bankai, not just a bankai. Now we fight.” He smiled arrogantly, every inch a prince, “For the real one.”

I grinned. “Much better. Now I can kick some proper ass.”

Now we circled each other like cats. Shinsou stood straight and tall, moving with a dancer's grace and a lion's bearing. I watched him move, aware that the armor he wore did not slow him down one whit. But from the earlier mock-battle I knew I could still increase my speed.

_Let's see how fast I can go._

I stepped behind Shinsou. He responded immediately, spear swinging around and I darted backwards out of range. Hakuda was clearly out of the question. Although he was unable to match my speed he had the range to meet physical attacks. His yellow eyes narrowed in veiled amusement. I suddenly remembered the visit I paid to the academy a few days ago.

“Shakkahou!” Three, five, eight blasts – two connected and the rest burst in the trees. In my kido attack I forgot to guard my left and the spear sliced a cheek open. Blood ran down my face slowly, cooling from my speed. I resisted the urge to wipe over it. Instead I wetted my fingers with the blood and daubed my palms with it, trying my best to form the sigils while Shinsou jabbed the spear at me repeatedly. Then I chanted quickly – it was a level fifty spell and I wasn't sure how well I could use it without the chant. “ _Orchid leaves in spring, cinnamon blossoms in autumn; self-contained and yet conforming. The hermit in his abode prays to his distant sovereign; the wild geese fly south but carries not the prayer; who hears the song of the humble?_ ”

The three blue arrows of hado flared, the comet-tails trailing as they followed Shinsou. He couldn't shake them off and all three crashed into him. When the light and smoke dissipated he shook his head, apparently unharmed. But it was slower now, I noticed. Instead of going on the offensive Shinsou wielded his spear into a shield. I sprinted forward, wanting to see if the spell had made any impact.

 _Damn!_ Shinsou slammed the spear into my side and sent me flying. When I landed I almost cried out in agony; instead I executed a roll and leaped to my feet. _Shit. Rib. Ribs._

Every breath hurt; I tried to push away the pain but I knew my face betrayed me with little grimaces when I moved. But I had to; Shinsou was prowling around me again, the predatory stance evident. I struggled to keep up the pace. Copper-richness swelled in the back of my throat and I spat it out.

I couldn't fight on the ground. Each step worsened my injury. Looking at the air I knew I wouldn't be seen once Aizen-sama cast a barrier about us. Decided, I sped for higher altitudes.

Disturbed that his prey was escaping his clutches, Shinsou tried to bring me to the ground again. I avoided his attacks, casting as many hado spells as I knew without jarring my ribs too much and skipping as many chants as I could. Speed, speed; I needed to be faster. But somehow Shinsou was matching my pace, and bettering me now with a few ribs broken. I could barely move. I was cashing in credit for the punishment I was giving my body, and the payment would probably be a long, arduous nagging in the Fourth as they set my bones. Shinsou got my arm; I had slowed down again.

A few more Shakkahou spells was set off and one landed on Shinsou. I paused for a breather.

“Is that the best you can do?” sneered my zanpakuto. “Do you even comprehend who I am? What I am?”

i breathed as steadily as I could. The twinges in my side could be forced away from conscious thought. “You're Shinsou. You are my sword.”

He laughed derisively. “I am a god!”

 _Complacency costs._ I had heard that before from Aizen-sama when we had disciplined a few of our senior officers. Shinsou was proud, proud of his lineage. But he seemed to forget who he really was – which meant I had my opening.

It was going to hurt like pissing hell, but I knew what to do. “You are as much of a god,” I answered, “as _I_ allow you to be!”

He bellowed and almost knocked me off my feet. I skidded a few paces back. The spear traced a circle and I blocked with my right forearm while my left forearm pretended to do the same.

I felt the crack and my vision flashed white for an instant. By then it was too late: my back connected with the ground and a few more ribs joined in the bone-breaking fun. I didn't even have time to scream; I had to focus. Again sealing the pain into one package mentally – I would pay dearly later, but that was later – I sat up and took stock. Both legs functional; one arm alright.

Shinsou landed over me. I panted, more with the effort of trying to breathe than from actual agony. “That's more like it,” I told him, and then inhaled sharply. The aches speared through my torso and cold sweat beaded over my skin.

“Don't.” Shinsou used the spear to tip my chin up. There was the light of disappointment in his golden eyes. “You lost.”

“No, I didn't. This is... just a temporary... setback.” I breathed harder than I needed to.

Shinsou frowned. “You lost,” he repeated.

“You wish,” I scoffed.

His eyes narrowed and his lip curled. The spearpoint moved away. I wondered if I had judged the position accurately and then discarded the thought. He would not kill me; I was his host, like it or not, and he was part of my soul. That was my advantage.

 _Shinsou said, more insistently, “_ You can't do anything. You can't use shunpo now. You've broken your forearms blocking me, so you can't use hado. You've lost.”

“Something I learned... from a maniac: you ain't lost till... you're dead. I ain't dead, hence... I haven't lost.” _Thank you, Zaraki._

That was the breaking point.

The spear drew back and hurtled towards my face. I grabbed at it with my left hand and yanked it off course to the side and towards the ground. Then both legs kicked up into where it really, really hurt.

He gasped, choked, and curled to his knees.

I tugged the spear away from his hands and pulled myself to my feet with it. “Tip to the wise,” I said. “Only one arm... was broken. The other is just fine. And don't... stand over your opponent... unless you're certain his legs are broken too.”

Shinsou cursed at me breathlessly. I ignored his words. It hurt too fucking much to listen. “I won fair and square, damn you. After how many years of calling you forth, I've finally won in a fair fight. So shut the hell up, and from now on, you bloody well will obey me.”

“Like hell I will,” Shinsou snapped.

That did it. I had won, I had won by blood and guile, and he dared to dispute my victory? I gripped the shaft of the spear in both hands and smacked it across his shoulders. Shinsou yelped and I swung the spear again. His hands gave out and he sprawled to the ground.

I couldn't hear; I couldn't think. I could feel the blood pounding through my veins, the blank mist of my surrounds and the armor-clad form lying at my feet. He had pride, had he? I would, by all the gods, beat that pride out of him!

"You!" _Ram._

"Fucking!" _Ram_.

"Well!" _Ram_.

"Will!" _Ram_.

The form whimpered. I wanted it to shut up. Turning the spear in my hands I jabbed it down - “Intervention.”

I blinked. _Aizen_ - _sama._

“No, Gin,” he warned.

I stared at him. What the hell was he talking about? “He doubts me victory. Bloody prick thinks hissel' better'n me.”

Aizen-sama gripped my left shoulder. “Easy now, lover, breathe. Breathe. Shinsou, can you still fight?”

The form at our feet struggled upright and glared haughtily at me. I burned inside. “Of course. I haven't lost, since I'm not dead.”

The words he threw back in my face were the last thing I registered before the warm spray of blood shocked me to my senses.

Not my blood.

Shinsou's blood.

Aizen-sama was two steps away, pale blue staining his face and neck. His face was blank, which meant he was trying to process the events logically. My gaze returned to Shinsou. His golden eyes locked with my gaze. “You did it,” he exhaled, then blinked his eyes shut. “You've won.”

“Shinsou?” I asked as I picked up the spear. There was no blood on the shaft or blade, and the etchings were clean. _Shinsou? Are you- are you still there? Where are you?_

_:I am the spear and its wielder. You have unified the two. I will yield to your command now.:_

_I don't understand._ Then I winced as a tingling spread from my solar plexus and spiraled outwards. The tingling seared into brilliant heat as it encountered the injuries. _Shinsou, what are you doing?_

_:Healing you as best as I can. Can't do much now, but you deserve to be rewarded.:_

_Did I just try to kill you?_

_:You didn't just try, you did. And that was why you could win – you were willing to go all the way. Without that resolve, how can you wield a god with ease?:_

_I think we need to talk again._

_:Be pleased to, in a week or so. Rest, Gin. You need to rest.:_

I blinked tiredly. There were still lingering aches when I breathed, but the agony I had to fight earlier was gone. I glanced around and located my captain nearby.

“I did it,” I said. He nodded at me, the pride obvious in his gentle smile. I returned it, feeling rather lightheaded. “I finally did it.”

The background wavered, like a shadow over rippling water, and I fell into strong arms. Aizen-sama was there for me, as usual. I could feel the silk grip of Shinsou's sealed form in my fist.

“Whoops,” I laughed softly as the ground swirled into a giddy circle and faded to black.

 


	69. 69.

I grumbled to myself as I finished the paperwork for the two days I lay sleeping. If not for the fact that Aizen-sama was away in Las Noches I would cock-block him for a week at least for making me finish all these.

Still, he had covered for me on the day I played truant, so I guessed I had to do my part as well. I grumped inwardly – as it was I felt lonely without him in the same office, the two of us exchanging clandestine telepathic messages while we worked steadily through the stacks of paper. And when other officers came in to report, that was when it really got interesting in our heads.

Utagawa Jin knocked on the wooden frame of the doorway. I liked working with the doors closed, myself, but this was Aizen-sama's open-door policy. It encouraged the other officers to think he welcomed their opinions, but it did mean we couldn't get up to any funny business at the workplace.

“Taichou asks for you,” he said without preamble. His salt-and-pepper beard and hair were showing more white than usual. We had agreed that Jin would remain lieutenant until I found a suitable replacement, and then he would retire to teach in the Academy under Information and Records Management.

I got up, glad for any excuse to leave the tedious piles. “What does she want?”

“No idea,” said Jin, falling in step beside me. “But she's not doing well at all these days, so perhaps she wants to see your bankai.”

“I didn't bring Shinsou with me,” I temporized. Aizen-sama and I had discussed this – neither of us wanted to show my real bankai. Even at the captaincy test, I would show the weaker but more impressive one Shinsou had tried to trick me with.

Jin shrugged. “Perhaps other things. Rinbayashi-taichou doesn't share many secrets, even though I've been her lieutenant for the past three centuries.”

“Ever resented that?” I inquired.

He tilted his head to the left as we took the fourth corridor on our right. “Not really,” he answered. “There are things a captain has to keep to himself or herself. As long as her orders are for the good of the Society, I will follow. And I will follow yours too, as long as it's for the good of this Society.”

 _The good of the Society._ I had been hearing that phrase a lot lately, and not just from Jin. Rinbayashi used it frequently, as did Kuchiki Byakuya the few times I met him and tried to make conversation. Matsumoto had picked up the saying from her captain Kurosawa.

Aizen-sama never said it though; he was thoroughly disillusioned by this Society, I suspected. Every now and then, when we sat together silently in the evenings, I would hear a rumble of discontent at how Soul Society was turning out.

Personally I was growing sick of it as well, of all the rules and legislation for even the tiniest things, when even great transgressions were missed or forgotten or buried. Seireitei prided itself on being the domain of the powerful and righteous.

Bullshit.

I was one of those who could and had proven more than once that Seireitei was as lawless as the furthest reaches of Rukongai. No wonder Zaraki and his band of ruffians could flourish here – dress up the Zaraki district in neater clothes and proper food and you had Seireitei.

xxxxx

We came to the door that led to Rinbayashi's bedroom. It was the captain's quarters, modified into the captain's office to accommodate her ailing health. The adjoining guest room was changed to become the quarter for the attending physician from the fourth.

I was thinking of turning it into the lieutenant's quarters for when Kira joined me here. I still didn't like the idea of being separated from Aizen-sama, but he had explained at length why I had to. I trusted him and the reasoning behind it, but I didn't like it.

“Good afternoon,” I greeted politely. Jin left after bowing to his captain.

Rinbayashi motioned me to sit, her bird-claw hands more frail than they had been the past few weeks. “Time's up for me soon,” she said. “Where's Sousuke-kun?”

“In China,” I replied. That was the agreed excuse; the paperwork trail over there was a mess with the upheaval they were facing, and there was always an ongoing discussion between us and them.

She sighed. “It's never going to work out. Boy's an idealist.”

I put that comment aside to tell Aizen-sama later. “Why am I here today, Rinbayashi-sensei?”

“I'm going to tell you a secret,” she said simply. “Come here and sit beside me.”

After I had settled, she closed her eyes. “Tell me what you see outside the window, Gin.”

“Some smoke, Yachiru shrieking happily on Zaraki's shoulder as he tears off after Yumichika for some reason, and I think an irate Soifon chasing them all.”

“I was hoping for a more poetic image,” said Rinbayashi sharply. “Something along the lines of the fair skies and the monochrome of Seireitei's buildings.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” I said with a small shrug.

She coughed. Then she pulled out a small remote device with numbers on it. “Key in the following: 18-200-45638.” I did as she asked. Then she motioned to the windows. “Now tell me what you see.”

I went to look. Then I did a double take. “Where – how is this?”

“Would you believe magic?” she asked.

I glared at her. “No.”

“The windows here are the screens for this division. That code I just gave you, do you remember them?”

“Yes.”

“Prove it.”

I furrowed my brow for a split second. Then I recited, “18-200-45638.”

Rinbayashi cocked her head. “So it is true. You have a remarkable memory.”

“Only when it comes to numbers,” I said. It wasn't something I wanted other people to know, not really. Aizen-sama knew of it, of course, and thus had delegated the task of restructuring the denizens of Las Noches and the allocation of rooms to me.

The screens now showed rows and columns of numbers. I selected one at random and, to my surprise, revealed Tetsuzaemon's personnel information, along with recorded misdemeanors and minor infarctions.

“Every shinigami has an identification code,” said Rinbayashi. “All the way up to Yamamoto, all the way down to the newest member of the Gotei. There are more dossiers with different access codes. 18-200-12534 is for the Kido Corps, 18-200-39876 for the Onmitsukido, 18-200-18932 for the Keigun, and 17-210-41230 for the Central 46.”

“Even them?” I was amazed. “And yes, I do remember the codes.”

“I'll take your word for it,” she replied. “Only the captain of the Third is allowed to access them. Right now, no matter how many times you recite the codes you won't be able to draw the screens.”

“Why not?” I asked. This was interesting. I looked for my own file from the list – _ah. There. Hmm... pure as the driven snow. Only that record of Hisagi Shuuhei's allegation and, oh... marriage records_.

_Wonder what Aizen-sama's would hold?_

“Because your records do not show you to be the new captain,” she snapped. I was hoping for a more technologically advanced answer, or perhaps something more mysterious.

I sat back down beside her. “Why tell me this now?”

“Because I think I am going to die any day soon. Might as well pass on the information now.” Rinbayashi sighed. “I've hung on for long enough. All my working life I've worked for the good of Soul Society – it's time I take a break.”

“We'll miss you,” I said and touched her hand. “I'll miss being scolded too.”

She sighed and leaned back into her pillows. “I wish you and Sousuke wouldn't bow to pressure about no two captains being intimately related.”

“It's easier on everyone else if we do, sensei,” I said. “How can the Council be assured that their orders wouldn't be countermanded if two captains decide that their bond is more important than their responsibilities? It's for the good of the Society.”

“True, true... but I feel guilty separating you two.”

“Not your fault, sensei,” I said. Still, the acid sat low in my gut, and I felt the bitterness against Soul Society's laws rise again. Another one of their inane and ungrounded fears. “It's not your fault at all. We've discussed this and it's for the best.”

“Fight for your rights, Gin,” she urged. “I can't do that for you two, but fight for your love.”

I chuckled. “Aizen-taichou doesn't love me, sensei. He's never admitted to it, and if he felt it he would say it.”

She looked taken aback. “But you two seemed so-”

“I adore him,” I said, “but I don't love him. It's great sex, great food, and he's nice to snuggle up to. But I don't love him.” I felt my soul rejecting the lie I just uttered. Nonetheless I forged on. “Thanks for being so considerate of us.”

xxxxx

“I hate this,” I told him when he returned from Las Noches to the office. Sand stuck to his sandals and he beat them out.

Aizen-sama looked at me quizzically. “What do you hate, Gin?”

“I hate having to break up. I hate not being able to stay your lover and be the captain. I hate this crap they call a law against nepotism and cronyism.” I slammed the folder of papers on the table. The internship application templates and budget reviews scattered from the file. “I hate that we have to put on a show, that we have to become cold towards each other, that we can no longer cuddle openly...”

“We don't cuddle openly now,” he said, slipping his haori on and looping an arm around my waist.

I shook him off and spun around. “That's not the point! I hate this, I _hate_ this whole stupid law! I don't want to separate from you, I don't want to be captain if it means being away from your side every night and every day, I don't want this any more!”

His face was stern and I felt myself quail. But I soldiered on. “I know you want the best for me. But I don't want to – I don't want to be parted from you. I've been away from you for ten years, I don't want to go through that again.”

“You will still see me everyday. It is hardly the same as your term in Fegefeuer,” Aizen-sama said, and went into the bathroom to change. “Do stop being melodramatic, Gin.”

“Taichou, don't-”

The definite click of the door indicated that he didn't wish to hear more. I tried to reach for his mind but he had shut me out mentally as well. Frustrated, I swept all the forms to the floor and slammed the table again. Not satisfied I grabbed the photo frame on the near shelf and smashed it into the wall.

There was a terrified squeak at the door. It was the twelfth seat, Onizuka, recently installed in his place. Quite a cute one, with short brown hair and light green eyes, but he was too easily frightened. I snarled at the trembling boy. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Uh, um... th-the academy says it wants to p-p-preview taichou's presentation notes tomorrow,” he stuttered. I looked around for the relevant document. It was stacked on the out-tray on Aizen-sama's desk. I grabbed it and tossed it at Onizuka.

“Take it and scram,” I barked. “And tell everyone to stay out of this office unless they want a taste of Shinsou!”

Onizuka scrambled away hastily and I slammed the door shut. Then Aizen-sama emerged from the bathroom freshened. I flattened my hands on the door.

“Why are you angry?” he asked quietly.

I couldn't look at him, I was shaking so hard. He came to me and took my shoulders, turning me around. I fought his hold but couldn't. When I was facing him I slumped against the door. He pulled me into his embrace and I clung to his shoulders.

“What's wrong?” he asked again, stroking my hair.

“I'm so sick and tired of this shit,” I murmured. “I know we have to split up, I know what you need me to do, but I really, really hate that we have to do it.”

He kissed my earlobe. “They're watching us much more closely than ever, Gin. We have to divert their attention.”

“I'll be so fucking lonely,” I muttered.

“You'll have Kira.”

“You'll be lonely,” I returned. “And who will you have?”

He chuckled and hugged me tighter. “So that's what this temperamental display is about, hmm?” he kissed the edge of my mouth. “You just want to find out who I'll be bedding in your absence.”

“Oops.” I ran a finger along the opening of his kimono. “Busted.” I peered at him through my lashes.

He was amused and rubbed my nose with his. A tender warmth spread from my heart through my body. It was these moments that I treasured between us – when he showed the love that he never declared. I kissed him, lips pressing together chastely.

He sighed and leaned his forehead on mine. “I'll manage, lover,” he said. “I might even prevail upon your good nature to ease my longing every now and then.”

“You're afraid I'll visit harm on your intended bedmate?” I asked caustically.

He smirked. “I know you will. I won't tell you... think of it as an exercise in investigative skills.”

Pouting, I slid my arms around his neck. “You are a slavedriver.”

“I can be that if you want,” Aizen-sama laughed. “But I think you have something else in mind.”

“Mmm...” I kissed him slowly, savoring the taste of his mouth. “But I am rather vexed by the bullshit we are putting ourselves through. The frustration is real too.”

“Then we'll have to find a way to ease that, don't we?” He rested his body weight on me, hands slipping to undo my belt and skating over my hips. I moaned softly, wishing we could indulge, but the walls were thin and they would be able to hear.

 _'You mind?'_ he asked as he sucked on my neck, pressing my belt into my right hand. I shook my head and he pulled away. “Your table or mine?”

“Yours,” I answered, unrolling the length of fabric, shedding my clothes along the way. He grinned amusedly at the unsexy striptease, and I bared my teeth. He took the unraveled length and carefully fitted it between my teeth, winding it around twice before fastening the ends securely at the back of my head.

 _Too bad we don't have more,_ I winked, indicating my free hands. He chuckled as he loosened his own belt but tossed it aside. Keeping me in a one-armed embrace, he swept the clutter on his tabletop off to the ground. Papers flew and I heard the crash of a frame.

 _'They'll keep away if they have any sense after that.'_ He kissed my eyes and then ducked under my chin to lick the sensitive arch of my throat. I exhaled and wrapped my legs about his waist, loving the feel of his skin along my thighs. His haori and kimono fell open about us, hiding us from any view from the door. He took off the clunky glasses and tossed them aside, but left his clothes on.

 _Strip them off,_ I said and reached up to remove them. He refused, jerking away and then pinning my hands to the table. I gasped when he shifted me further up the broad expanse of mahogany, then thought primly, _Kink._

 _'You like it when we do this as taichou and fukutaichou,'_ he countered and, to prove his point, managed to dig my lieutenant arm badge out from the rubble around his feet. _'Don't you even dare deny it.'_

 _I'm supposed to?_ I wriggled in his hold as he tied my wrists together with it, the plate of the badge resting just under my bound hands. Our hips slid together, the cool wood under my back a counterpoint to his heat. He dragged his tongue over his open palm before he reached between us. I rolled my head back, ignoring the solid surface that hurt as I moved; he seldom pleasured us both together like this. My muffled groans drew an answering one from him, Aizen-sama choosing to press his mouth to my throat to stifle the noise. My heels scraped upwards, wanting more.

He stilled my legs and continued stroking firmly, circling his thumb around the head of my arousal and then sliding his hand down again. Then strong fingers skimmed down further behind my balls and pressed firmly behind them. My hips bucked; I knew I'd have bruises along my lower back, the force of my thrusts already paining me. I cried out when his large fingers probed me after he licked the precum off them.

_Wa-wait, wait... gods, that was painful. A-ahh... that's right... right, oh gods, right there._

He paused and then pushed in again, gently scissoring to stretch me. _'Do you have any idea how sexy you are right now, whimpering like that and thinking like that?'_ he asked nonchalantly. I blinked up, the gag already damp. He kissed my brow and I yelped when he found what we were anticipating. _“I must really take notes of your reactions and study them in my free time.'_

 _Bookworm,_ I remarked and then gasped again when he pressed in closer with his hand. The other remained firmly above my head, holding me down. Our arousals slid against each other and I fought against his hold, wanting to ease the pounding of blood and heat in my groin.

Of course Aizen-sama was more than happy to deny me the pleasure, grasping my wrists more forcefully. _'You know I love to analyze and read.'_

 _Hmm... unh... perhaps... your hand isn't enough of... a measuring tool,_ I suggested, my mind clouding over with pleasure. _Something else would be more... yes, more please... more appropriate. Ahhnngh._

He grinned and licked my nipple, sliding over to the other when I arched my back into him. _'I'm always open to new ideas.'_

I cried out again when he filled me slowly. I forced myself to relax as my body was breached. No matter how many times we did this, I still relished the feel of him claiming me. On the rare occasion when he allowed me to do the same, I would still feel the need to have him in me. Like _this. Harder... gods, please..._

 _'Not yet.'_ Aizen-sama groaned, a low rumble deep in his chest. I moved my bound hands, wanting to touch him and he tightened his hold. _'Stay right there,'_ he warned and sucked a trail along the underside of my arms and back to my collar.

I whined a protest, the gag chafing the sides of my mouth. He pushed in harder, thrusting roughly into me and I moaned with excitement. I raised my hips and he obliged, with his free hand slipping between our bodies. His mouth moved to my sternum, occasionally laving a tongue and testing his teeth on my hardened nipples, and then he began breathing hard into the curve of my neck when I bucked into his hand.

 _'Keep making those sounds and I'm going to seal off the office for the rest of the week,'_ he thought in a rush and I gasped at his particularly forceful thrust at the thought. Encouraged by his response I writhed more, wanting him deeper, closer – he muted his curses into my neck as he pounded into me.

I felt myself go lightheaded and then scream into the gag, my climax coming earlier than expected. He shuddered above me, and I whimpered at the feel of his heat emptying into me.

We stayed motionless, his body weighing me down, my legs slipping from his waist to gently touch the floor with my toes.

 _Well._ Even my mental voice was breathy and he shifted to kiss my ear. _That was fun._

 _'Only fun?'_ He disengaged himself from my body and I complained at the separation, although the numbness spreading down my lower body was indicative of a long soak in hot water later. _'Ah well... at least I'll have some pleasant memories to keep me occupied when I'm lonely.'_

 _It's not like this is the first time we did it at our desks._ I grimaced. He untied my wrists and I removed the gag. _Remember when I was sucking you off while you vetted the entry tests for the Gotei?_

_'Yes, and I also remember distinctly telling you to stop it because Tousen was in the office and he could hear, even if he couldn't see.'_

_You enjoyed it, don't lie._

_'Propriety, my dear Gin. Politeness is important.'_ He fished out a towel from his private bathroom and helped to clean me up. _'But the next time you wish to do something like that, I suggest you wait for a visitor who can actually see us if we're not careful – it'll be that much more exciting.'_

 _Kink,_ I commented. I hummed with remnant sensitivity; my skin was still recovering from its heightened awareness. Then I went to pull on my rumpled attire, while he redressed himself. I went to him and licked off a drop on his collarbone. _Missed a spot._

We kissed languorously, our tongues sliding across each other in their familiar dance. When we finally stopped, he murmured against my lips. “That makes two arguments we've had – how many more fights do we have to go?”

“The interns aren't coming in till next Thursday, and the internship forms are” I gestured at the scattered pile on the floor “somewhere there. We'll have to see where they have chosen first though.”

“What, not confident in your charm?” he teased.

I snorted. “He's been intercepted by a certain Hisagi Shuuhei. I think he might choose the ninth.”

Aizen-sama's hand rubbed slow circles on my back. “In this case I think you might need me to... adjust matters.”

“Oh?” I was intrigued. “What, you're gonna force Hisagi to back off?”

“There are ways, and there are ways, Gin,” he said mysteriously. Then he smirked. “But Kira Izuru will be joining the fifth for his mid-term break, along with his friends, and you will be my unfaithful, amorous, secretive little betrayer.”

I wrinkled my nose in distaste. “I'm not little.”

“Oh, really?” He retrieved his glasses and put them on, once again the respectable and genteel captain. “I will need proof and observation, with results based on objective research.”

“Empirical research can be equally unbiased,” I murmured and he grabbed my waist to knead the soft muscle there. “We haven't researched in a long time... and I do need practice in my methodology.”

Aizen-sama narrowed his eyes and then smiled. “In that case, I shouldn't stand in the way of scientific research then, should I?”

 


	70. 70.

He tilted his head back, eyes partially closed, the lather all over his chin.

I held the razor in my right hand, scraping away the foam and short hair on his jaw and cheeks. We were up early, since he had to leave for his retreat soon, and we wanted some time to ourselves.

This was one of the few private acts he permitted me to take over from him, and I relished being allowed to care for him so intimately. As I shaved him his eyes closed. Then I saw the line of his throat, the Adam's apple still, his breath steady, his pulse slow and strong. Exposed to me.

I held the razor in my right hand. I just had to draw it towards me and blood, rich red blood, would spray forth and scent the air with copper-sweetness. Just a little deeper, drag a little harder, a straight line from left to right. That arched throat, slowly rising and falling along with the broad chest... that pulse pumping life through the muscular, tanned body before me... stillness, silence permeated the room, etched with wet gasps and choking breaths, perhaps... no screams, its windpipe would have been torn open along with the jugular... would it struggle? Would it fight? Would it kill?

_It?_

_He. Aizen-sama. My love. My captain. My everything._

_Not it. Not an it, not ever._

I blinked and returned to my senses. He had opened his eyes and wore a faint smile. I scoffed lightly and resumed shaving. _I know you knew. Would you have stopped me?_

 _'Probably not.'_ He was nonchalant. I glanced at him and paused. He raised a brow. The razor scraped up his cheek again. _'_ _I think I have created my own Achilles' heel – anything you do is fine by me.'_

I smiled now, equally amused. _Even killing you?_

 _'If it's by your hand...'_ he left the thought unfinished.

The stirrings of affection kept me from saying more until I had completed my task. “You are so damn sentimental, Aizen-sama,” I said, not looking him in the eye.

He swung his feet off the stool and sat up straight. “That's a failing I haven't gotten around to correcting. Thanks, Gin.”

I leaned into him for a moment, breathing in the heady scent of Aizen-sama before he left for the week. Every year he would attend the retreat, and every year I would find this week the most arduous of the entire year. But this year we had the interns and Kira Izuru, so perhaps I wouldn't be so lonely.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama kissed me on my cheek before he left to gather with the other captains. I was to see to the interns and already I was pissed. Three out of seven turned up on time, the other four deeming it beneath their dignity to attend to punctuality.

Noble families or not, this was my division and I would run it my way.

I walked with purpose over to the briefing room, where Yanaihara was already outside waiting for me. I nodded briefly at him before I flung open the door.

“Good morning! I see we are all present!” I said cheerfully. Yanaihara behind me remained silent, although the slight tremor in his reiatsu indicated he knew how angry I really was. Aizen-sama had said before that I wore the smile of a wolf. I hadn't disagreed.

The students stood at attention. Kira and Abarai were the first to their feet, followed closely by Hinamori, Chuman and Okada, and the last to rise were Noda and Yano.

Good. I knew which ones to toss out now.

Okada and Chuman would probably write in to apologize afterwards; they looked the sensible type. The last two would try to use their families to cow me into letting them into the Gotei. I scoffed inside, knowing how little the weight of the names of these minor nobility held in the divisions, especially for interns.

“Good morning Ichimaru-fukutaichou!” the interns chorused raggedly.

I scanned their appearances. Again, the first five passed inspection. Yano, the second girl, wore far too much makeup and jewelry for a student. Noda bore a little jade ring and also the smirk of the privileged bastard. I grinned brightly. “Abarai Renji, Hinamori Momo and Kira Izuru, step outside.”

Kira suddenly frowned. So adorable, I found myself thinking, though I paid more attention to the small healing bruise below his ear. Had Hisagi taken the young man already? Fast worker, that one.

But then, he had always moved fast, even with me. Although thankfully he wasn't that fast in bed... I returned to the here and now. To the other four I said, “The four of you will stay here andwrite a thousand times, 'I will not be late to meetings'. If there is a single word written wrongly, you can consider yourself out of the program. Yanaihara, watch them.”

Noda's eyes widened comically. “It's our first day!”

 _Oh he knows, does he?_ “Oh, is it? Then let's make it simple.” Okada and Chuman looked uneasy, their stouter statures shifting. Should they back up their friend or not? I would give them a chance, if they knew how to take it. “All four of you are sacked from the program, and don't expect to get into it in future semesters. When you graduate, I hope I'll not be seeing your files because I will send you to Siberia. Good morning to you.”

“I'll complain!” exclaimed Noda loudly. Before I blew my top, I remembered Aizen-taichou's admonition. Okay then, I would pass the trouble to him – served him right for being away.

“Aizen-taichou looks forward to those letters. They give off such pretty light.” I sniffed critically. “Now get off Gotei property before I arrest you four for trespassing.”

Yano stepped forward and sneered, “You're just from Rukongai. I'll get Daddy to kick you out of the Gotei, lieutenant or no.”

_You dare to threaten me? A mere student?_

Just when I was about to teach her manners Kira cut in angrily. “That's quite enough!”

I looked over, as did all the rest of us. Kira blinked a few times, as if suddenly aware of our scrutiny. He flushed – I did love that shade of pink, such an alluring color – and barged onwards. “You are merely students. Ichimaru-fukutaichou is well within his authority to issue punishments. Either you accept it or get out of the division. Using your family name as a threat is ill manners and ungracious.”

The girl really was a bitch. Flipping her shoulder-length hair over her shoulders, she said snidely, “Kira Izuru, this is none of your business. Or I will tell your aunt-”

To give Kira credit he didn't flinch nor back down. ““-who will back me up in upholding propriety and the respectability of the noble houses. Even if we are mere minor nobles we still have a duty to present a model to the rest of Soul Society.”

 _Well said, Kira._ Noda stepped forward and I made a decision abruptly. With a simple flash I threw them out to the yard. Okada and Chuman looked blank, then Chuman pushed up his glasses, giving me a thankful grin.

 _Smart kid._ Okada appeared as if to speak, but Chuman tapped his pudgy hand and shook his head silently. Okada blinked, then both made eye contact with me. I gave an infinitesimal nod. They understood.

Now I had to prevent the two spoiled brats from taking revenge. “Go ahead and lodge a complaint, kids. But, see, if you dare to say a single syllable against Kira here, I will hunt you down, strip you naked, paint you pink and tie you to the pillars outside Yamamoto-soutaichou's office, along with the tape of our conversation in this office.”

I told Yanaihara to lead them out while I took the trio to the drill in the main courtyard. Abarai and Hinamori took their places and before Kira could follow his friends, I pulled him back slightly.

“By the way, Kira,” I said firmly and softly, “I appreciate what you did, but never, never interfere when I discipline next time. Understood?”

“Yes sir.” He bowed his head.

“Good kid,” I said and patted his shoulder. “Go on, join Abarai and Hinamori in line.”

“Yes sir.”

I took my place at the front of the division. Mesuda waited for my signal and I nodded once. He drew in a breath and hollered, “Squuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaad attennnnnSHUN!”

The division snapped to and chorused, “Good morning fukutaichou!”

“Good morning,” my voice carried easily across the courtyard. “We have with us some newcomers. Abarai Renji, Hinamori Momo and Kira Izuru. We might have more coming once the interns from all divisions settle in and perhaps some transfers here and there. These three will join the tenth squad for runs for the first two weeks after I give them a briefing, and then they'll join Mesuda's third squad for patrols. Do take care of them – so that they'll think this is an easy division and join us when they graduate.”

Some smile, but most chuckle. I put up a hand and they shushed. “We have things to do. Mesuda, you know the patrol schedules. Onizuka, your squad is to man the office today. The rest of the leaders, take your duty roster from Mesuda and come to me with any problems. Abarai, Kira and Hinamori, follow me.”

xxxxx

The first day passed painlessly other than the four rejected interns. As I was locking up for the evening, Okada and Chuman came to the division's side door.

“What do you want?” I asked curtly.

Okada bowed, his chubby face red. “I apologize for being late this morning, fukutaichou. I have written the thousand lines. Here.” He handed me the sheaf of papers. I glanced through them – neat hand, slightly too rounded but that was similar to him anyway.

“And here's mine, fukutaichou,” said Chuman, nudging up his horn-rimmed glasses. “Thank you fukutaichou, for giving us the chance.”

“It is just a chance,” I said. “But I'm glad to see you took the chance. Tomorrow you will join the three others – I won't be accepting any more interns.”

“Thank you fukutaichou,” they chorused.

Then Okada cleared his throat. “Ichimaru-fukutaichou, Yano and Noda will try some funny business. We've known them for some time and they are rather... self-centered.”

I smiled. “Thank you for the concern. I will be attentive.”

They bowed awkwardly and shuffled off. I grinned to myself. Preemptive measures seemed unnecessary, but I would love the opportunity to teach these young upstarts what it meant to be an evil bastard.

xxxxx

“One day, Ichimaru, one day and I received two letters of complaint,” said Sasakibe wearily. “One day without Aizen-taichou.”

“I think you'll find that I'm quite in my right.” I twirled a pencil idly. “I know you've heard of them too.”

He let his head roll back with understanding. “You don't have to deal with them direct. Damn effing hell.”

“Language, language,” I chided. Sasakibe was only this informal when Yamamoto was around, and so we lieutenants tended to take advantage of the chance to be equally informal. “What say you?”

He kneaded his temples. “Kick them out. And, like you said, never take their applications again.”

“Good. Back me up, and we'll have a good lunch tomorrow.” I stood up from the desk. “By the way, I heard something quite interesting. Is Kai Mizuki really the new sixth lieutenant?”

Sasakibe half-smiled. “I thought you'd be concerned. Yes, she is. She's returning the day you take the captaincy test.”

Irritated, I huffed. My fingers drummed the table top. Then I smiled widely and coldly. “She has no hold over taichou anyway.”

Sasakibe's face became serious. “Are you ready for the break?”

“Honestly?” I exhaled heavily, flopping back into the seat. “I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. But he would be. He'll make the break, not me. He's the one who know how to do so anyway.”

“Look,” said Sasakibe, his fingers linking under his chin. “If you like, I can try to influence taichou-”

“He's not the policy maker, is he?” I cut in kindly.

Sasakibe gave me a wry smile, and passed me the complaint letters. “They're idiots over at the forty-six.”

“Don't I know it.” I sighed and walked to the door, and said, “I have some interns to terrorize. Excuse me.”

xxxxx

Jin passed a folder to me that afternoon. I opened the folder. Lists and lists of numbers with corresponding names greeted me. I raised a questioning brow. “That all?”

“As far as I can determine,” said Jin. “I've double checked and yes, they work.”

“You used her fingerprints?”

“Yes, since I'm not keyed in yet. Your data will be entered next Monday, so we can try it out.” Jin coughed politely. “She's fading rapidly.”

“She'll make it past my captaincy test, don't worry.” I looked up and caught sight of flame-red hair bobbing past. “I'll talk to you another time.”

“Certainly,” he said.

I bade him goodbye and sauntered over. The rest of the squad were already sprawled on the ground, each murmuring a greeting. I waved my hand in return, not needing them to stand. Most looked fine, other than one who had completely rolled onto his back and was gulping down breath. Abarai was talking – alas, with Hinamori – and I heard a mention of Advanced Zanjutsu Techniques.

 _Interesting_. “Afternoon. How's it going?”

“Good afternoon fukutaichou!” greeted Hinamori first. She really had great skin, I noticed, envy prickling up my spine. She had better pray she didn't take my place in Aizen-sama's bed, because I would really love to peel that skin off her face. Abarai greeted me as well. “We're waiting for the next run, sir. Kira is on his third run today; we just finished our second.”

“That's good,” I remarked. Third run? That was quite impressive. Every two runs took them all around Seireitei and through its alleys and passages. Abarai looked relaxed – good stamina, that boy – Hinamori was shining with perspiration and panting slightly. “I couldn't help overhearing... any of you taking Advanced Zanjutsu?”

“Uh, no sir. Kira and I are taking Intermediate; we were just discussing who would be taking the course. I heard that Advanced would be taught by Shiba-fukutaichou.”

 _Shiba? Oh. Kaien... Got too used to calling his name._ “Yes, he is. He's deadly with the blade,” I commented. “But you'll have to pass Intermediate first.”

Abarai scratched his cheek. “Um. Who is teaching Intermediate, sir?”

I grinned crookedly, and then shrugged. “I am. Good luck passing though – I fail eighty-five percent of my students when I take this class.”

“Eighty-five percent?!” Hinamori squeaked.

“Most of them come in thinking they're the next Kenpachi. I like showing them exactly where they stand – outside the door begging for a pass grade.”

Abarai grinned weakly. “What do we have to do to pass?”

Before I could speak a pale blond staggered through the arched gateway. He clutched his knees, one hand on his waist. His breathing was deep, but steady; a good run, considering. I nodded to myself in approval. He had potential.

“Twenty-two minutes and seventeen seconds,” said Katsumura. “You made it, Kira.”

“Three runs and finally you made the twenty-five minute mark. Good for you, Kira.” Hasegawa, the team leader, offered a hand and Kira slapped it in victory, grinning widely. Hasegawa then clapped his hands. “Alright! Ten minutes wash-up, and we're on for kitchen duty!”

There was a heartfelt groan from the assembled team. I chuckled and shook my head – I had loathed kitchen duty as well. Thank goodness Aizen-sama had elevated my position really quickly through the ranks, and thank goodness I had the capability to justify the raise. On the other hand, none of my team leaders had dared to let me in the kitchen after the first time, when I burned down the wing that housed the cooking area.

_Hmm._

Kira slowly straightened. His fair skin was temptingly flushed, his coloring more than a match for Hinamori's peaches-and-cream complexion. Sweat beaded his brow and rolled down his face, and he tugged the uniform open and fanned himself. I savored the unexpected view of his firm body, not too muscular – more like my own. He flipped the fringe back, his blue eyes bright behind long lashes, searching for his friends.

He found me first.

The immediate change in demeanor was so adorable, I wanted to capture the moment and frame it for memory's sake. His confident manner was replaced with sudden shyness and a crimson blush took over the fading pink of exertion. He tucked the lapels of his uniform closed, and I pouted before winking seductively. His gaze darted to the side, embarrassed yet amused by my blatant tease.

I felt Abarai's eyes on me, protective and uncertain. Hinamori had already trooped off with the girls to wash up.

To stop Abarai from thinking further, I waved them goodbye. “I'm going into the office, so send dinner in.”

“Yes fukutaichou!” chorused the team members that were still there.

 


	71. 71.

“Hmm.” I bent and picked up the silver chain from the locker room floor. It was a simple thing: a chain and a small pendant in the shape of a key. It had the kanji for 'crane' on it: a definite work of art, as the character had many small strokes and would require a master craftsman to etch the word onto the key that was no bigger than my the first knuckle of my thumb.

 _Now who would own such an exquisite little keepsake..._ I mused, turning the trinket over in my hand. Then I remembered a little flash of silver around Kira's neck the morning of our interview. And his name was written with this kanji too.

I smiled. Sometimes Lady Luck just loved me to bits. Humming softly under my breath, I undressed and then hooked the necklace with my finger. As I headed to the showers, I dropped the chain near the edge where it would be visible under the light, even with steam, and ran the bath almost hot enough to scald.

The soft, timid entry of another person into the bathhouse was not unnoticed. I rinsed shampoo from my head for the final time, marveling at my incredible sense of timing.

_Showtime._

I gave him time to wander around. He was patient, definitely, searching thoroughly in the lockers before he entered the steaming communal bathroom. He moved like a cat, I realized as I waited for my cue. It was only a quiet splash that told me he had entered the hot pool.

I walked out. His clothes were on the side, far away from the water. I studied the curve of his back as water rippled over it while he groped for the item below. Probably he had his eyes shut since he had to bend really low in the hot water to reach the chain. I sat on the edge, letting my legs slide into the water. I preferred to go in slow.

He burst out, gasping and then shaking water from his face, sending droplets everywhere. My own personal Aphrodite. Or was Eros a more appropriate example? He was gripping the chain in his fist.

“You startled me,” I said smoothly.

He jumped and turned around, almost losing his footing. Those baby blues were wide with shock at first, but then I noticed them sliding down my naked body. Then he whirled around, bare back to me, shoulders rounding.

 _So. the interest is not one-way, hmm?_ I smiled more widely. There was still a number of faint pink marks and some healing scratches on his skin, evidence that he and Hisagi had been intimate. He must scar easily, I thought, as I slipped into the pool and wet my face. Very... tempting. “What are you doing here? I thought everyone had gone home.”

His answer was shaky. I studied the straight line of his spine, admiring the taper of shoulders to his narrow waist. The steamy water obscured my view of his ass though; crying shame. He held up the chain and pendant like a talisman and said, “Uh... I dropped this. I, uh, erm, came to look for it and, and f-found it. I d-di-didn't mean to intrude on your bath-”

“Show me,” I said, cutting off his explanation.

“Wh-what?”

“Show me the chain,” I murmured, wading over to take the chain from his hand. Judging by the sudden rigidity of his body, he was suddenly very alert to my presence behind him. His breathing paused, then slowly restarted and quickened.

Such a lovely, transparent boy. Everyone around me was so good at hiding their true self, it was refreshing to see someone so direct. I held the chain with its key in front of him. “It's pretty.”

“Th-thanks, thanks sir,” he said in a rush. His fingers took the key and pulled gently but I gripped it. “Um, sir, I-I should go, I have... I mean, I think Renji is still looking f-for-”

 _How far can I push this?_ “Shhh... turn around, Kira.”

Kira obeyed, eyelashes lowering shyly after meeting my gaze. I let the key pendant rest on the hollow of his collarbones before linking the chain around his neck, taking care not to touch his skin. He was trembling, very slightly; I doubted he noticed it at all. After I fastened the chain I rested my index finger on the pendant, kissing the key into his flesh.

“There. Be careful with it,” I said. “I see it is very important.”

“It-it is. Thank you sir.” He was definitely shaking now, fists clenching and releasing.

I decided to let him relax. “Go on now.” He scrambled out of the bath and ran out of the bathroom. I licked my index finger and pressed it against my lips. _Such delicious agony... what made me say I'll wait?_

_Ah yes. Aizen-sama._

Putting Kira out of my mind I breathed in and rested against the side of the bath. It was extravagant, using the entire bathroom to myself, but since I barely got to use it I savored the chance to monopolize the space. My head rolled back and I stared, eyes half-lidded at the ceiling.

Aizen-sama was jealous and unhappy that I had to leave. He hid it well, but you did not live with a man for decades without learning to read subtle cues. The fact that I had already identified my future bedmate and was already luring him in was salt to a well-disguised wound; if I had not displayed my own dislike of the arrangements Aizen-sama would not even admit that he didn't want me to go.

My smile turned pensive and a little sad. All these years, standing behind him, knowing that no matter how much he loved me I was still secondary to his ambition; it was something I accepted. His ambition, his pride, his manipulative nature were all a part of him.

I didn't like him to be away from me, because these were the only times I could not hide from the fact that I was lonely.

In Soul Society I had no confidant other than him. I had few friends, partly because I did not wish to risk revealing Aizen-sama's real self to them and partly because I found it hard to relate to their everyday concerns. I had to keep proving myself, over and over, that I could hold my own, and it had alienated the few who might have understood – even a little – what it meant to love someone so desperately and so fully.

Rangiku's company was a balm and also acid. Guilt never died completely. I still regretted on occasion what I had to do to prove my devotion to Aizen-sama. Yumichika and Ikkaku were chary of being seen too close to me, since I operated on an entirely different level from their direct, no-nonsense approach. Iba was always glad to meet for a drink, but he was not someone I could open my heart to. Kaien was too busy to even have time to befriend me. Ukitake-taichou was sincere enough, but Aizen-sama had been very displeased with my association with him.

The others did not even dare to look me in my face.

I had no one, other than him. A sourness rose behind my eyes and I swallowed it down. There was no one else, but who else did I need?

My eyes closed and the smile faded. There were still a few nights to go before he returned. I could lie to myself for a while longer, that I was fine without him.

I could lie to myself forever if I had to.

xxxxx

I held back my advances the next few days, concentrating on running the division as smoothly as when Aizen-sama was around. The senior officers knew their jobs and did not give me trouble, and after their reintroduction Okada and Chuman proved quite a capable pair.

Abarai and Kira (I tried calling him by his name in private, but it sounded strange in my ears) had attended their very first Intermediate Zanjutsu Technique class. This was the sixth time I took my teaching duty in this course, but this was the first time I was co-teaching with Rangiku. Previously we tended to avoid each other but this time it was either her or Nemu. And I had no intention of working with the twelfth lieutenant – her father was a holy terror all by himself and he would string me up to dry should she be less outstanding than I in our lessons.

To my surprise Abarai proved a natural swordsman. His sword work was almost perfect, every angle and stroke precisely calculated to inflict maximum damage. Yet it appeared that he did not need to pause to think through the actions. A born swordsman – not in the vein of Zaraki Kenpachi, but more along the lines of... of...

_Aizen-sama. He moves like Aizen-sama when he fights._

I kept my thoughts private.

Rangiku praised frequently; I let her take the lead on verbal instructions while I corrected stance and posture. Kira was good, though hesitant in execution and tended to veer too much to the left. I stayed away from him until there was no other person to correct, and what little time I spent on adjusting his actions I kept businesslike and formal.

Rangiku's small frown at the end of the session led me to invite her for lunch. She complied readily.

“That Abarai Renji is good,” she said as soon as our meals arrived at the table. “I've never seen a student move like that. Is he good in the others?”

“Pathetic at kido,” I said, sipping tea. It was poor quality tea, but I let it go. “He's a little sloppy on defense though, so don't be too quick to give praise.”

Rangiku half-smiled. “You're always so hard on everyone. Praise is sometimes as good a motivator as criticism. Maybe even better. Abarai looks like the kinda kid who'd make life difficult for himself. I saw how he practiced after you pointed out the bit about his defense. It won't hurt to make life a little sweeter for a Rukongai kid.”

“If I make his life easier it's not because he is from Rukongai, but because he earned the praise,” I said a little sharply. “I don't play favorites, regardless of what the gossips say.”

“I hear far too many to decipher fact from fiction,” remarked Rangiku, her blue eyes fixed on my face. “I just absorb them and... well, truth will out.”

I slurped the noddles from my bowl. “I certainly hope so.”

“Gin,” said Rangiku, reaching across the table to clasp my free hand, “you have to come out more often. Mingle. When Aizen-taichou's around you don't go out with us. You're locking yourself up in a little world, consisting of just you and him.” She pursed her lips, then forged ahead. “It's not healthy.”

“I don't know, Rangiku.” I said softly. “There used to be a time when I would want to earn friendship. Want to be more like everyone else. I've found that... I can't. I cannot be like everyone else, laughing and joking and just... relating.”

“We've all been through the same things, Gin,” argued Rangiku, her grip tightening. “You're not alone in whatever you've experienced. I'm sure there are some things we can relate to.”

_I really doubt that. Torture, rape, arson, murder... what have I not done in the name of love and devotion?_

_And the things I let him and want him to do to me..._

_Relating? Right._

She smiled. “At least a drink, next Monday? The night before our bosses come back?”

“I'll be there,” I promised.

xxxxx

The sake was already flowing freely when I reached the bar. Iba saw me first and called out, “Hey! He's come out of hibernation!”

“Whoa, it's gonna rain frogs tomorrow!” “Ichimaru! I almost forgot yer face!” Ikkaku had quite a bit to drink already and Kaien was not far behind him. Yumichika sipped more decorously, cheeks flushed but in no way as drunk-faced as the rest.

I wiggled my fingers in greeting. “Hey everyone. How's things?”

“Same ol', same ol',” drawled Kaien. “But, listen, everybody. I called for this gathering – and thank you for coming down, Ichimaru – because I have a major announcement to make.”

Iba clapped his hands. “Yeah! Let's hear it, man!”

“Tell us!” whooped Rangiku, one arm slung over Ise's shoulder. The usually prim shinigami lieutenant was also cheering, her hair down from its usual style. Kaien stumbled a couple of times before finally making it onto the table in the center.

I took my drink from Sasakibe, who was smiling widely. “Glad to see you out and about, Ichimaru. Last night of freedom and all until next year, eh?”

“Shush. Let's hear his major announcement, hmm?” I put my finger to my lips.

The thirteenth division's lieutenant coughed, then put a hand to his heart in declamatory fashion. “I, Shiba Kaien, am gonna get married to the beautifullest, awesomest, gorgeousest and ass-kickingest babe in Soul Society in February next year!”

“All right, you lucky bastard!” shouted Rangiku. “I didn't even know I was getting' married t'ya. C'mon darling, lemme give ya a kiss.”

“Not you,” said Kaien good-humoredly. “My fiancée, Hayao Reiko, ladies and gentlemen, will be receiving, in full, the best shinigami in Seireitei.”

“Does she know she's getting Ukitake-taichou?” yelled Ikkaku and earned a sandaled foot to his head.

I downed my drink. “Congratulations, Kaien. You are one lucky bastard. The next round on me!”

Kaien pointed at me, swaying dangerously on the table. “See? That's how you congratulate a guy who's getting married!”

“Yeah!” Iba raised his drink. “Congrats, Kaien!”

xxxxx

By the end of a very long and convivial evening, we were singing bawdy songs and making Kaien dance. I found myself seated between Ise and Rangiku, while Iba and Ikkaku yelled out the lyrics to the latest drinking song making its way around the bars.

Ise was already completely drunk, snoozing with her head resting on Yumichika's knees. The slim Yumichika was grinning sleepily, combing his bangs from his face and beaming at Ikkaku whenever the bald shinigami happened to look at him. It was sickeningly sweet.

“I'm nauseated,” slurred Rangiku, her cup-holding-hand weaving before her face.

I grinned down at her. “Don't throw up on me, darlin'. The smell never goes away; I'll have to burn the uniform after.”

“Doncha worry,” said Rangiku. “I can hold my sake no problem.”

“That's diffe'ent. You used to be all sleepy three drinks down,” I said, downing another cup.

She sat up and stared at me. “I got better at drinking. Wanna test me?”

I set my cup on the table and faced her. “You're on.”

xxxxx

The floor appeared to be undulating as we staggered across the room. I tried to locate the lights but we gave up, instead falling to the floor.

She was as eager as ever, pushing aside the layers of fabric and momentarily trapping my arms. There was no exchange of words; we grunted as I ripped off her belt and then her clothes. She tasted of salt and faintly of honey, her skin hot and silky under my hands, her body trembling with her response.

We struggled to our feet and managed to fumble our way to the futon. She whimpered as my mouth left hers and traveled down her body, her sharp nails digging into my shoulders and then scratching into my scalp. I did not spend much time reacquainting myself with her body, shifting up quickly and then, after another searching kiss, thrust into her warmth.

She cried out silently, her lips and teeth seeking out familiar territory over my neck as we moved together in the dark. Our pants and gasps mingled into an erratic, drawn-out sigh before the tension in my gut released. I bit into her neck and she cried out softly as well, strong thighs clenching around mine and her frame going rigid, before we collapsed together and rolled over into sleep.

xxxxx

I woke with the dawn as was my habit. My head throbbed; the morning light which I usually welcomed stabbed deep into my aching brain. I rolled over to face away from the window and encountered a warm, soft body beside mine.

_Rangiku._

For a wild moment I thought I had dreamed everything from the evening of our wedding to the night before with Kaien's proclamation of his wedding. Then reality reasserted itself and I shook the woman sprawled on the other side of the futon.

“Wake up, Rangiku,” I urged. “Wake up.”

“Mmrrrmmmm?”

I shook her shoulder harder as I scanned the room for my clothes. They were mixed in together with hers. Hurriedly I pulled a towel around my hips and started gathering her uniform and underclothes, tossing them to her feet. She was just sitting up, hair tangled and a total mess.

“Rangiku, get up and get out of here!” I hissed, tugging on my hakama.

“Don't shout, Gin, my head hurts,” she drawled. But she began putting on her top and finger-combed some semblance of order to her mane of strawberry blond hair. “What's the hurry, anyway?”

“The hurry is probably because I was due home any moment.” I turned around slowly as I tied the knot in my belt. Rangiku froze mid-search. _No, no, not like this..._

Aizen-sama stood at the door, his traveling bag on the floor behind him. He took in the scene and found me staring at him. “Good morning, Gin, Matsumoto.”

“Ai-aizen-taichou,” stammered Rangiku. She grabbed her belongings and stood up. “I, uh, we... I mean, I-”

“Just go home, Matsumoto-fukutaichou. You'll need to wash up before you attend to your duties at the Tenth.” His eyes never left my face.

To her credit Rangiku did not try to explain further. She kept her head bowed as she ducked around the imposing form of my captain. Then I heard her surprised gasp. “T-taichou!”

Kurosawa's voice was incredulous. “Matsumoto? What are you doing... Oh fuck. Fuck, Matsumoto, I can _not_ believe this! Get out, get out now, you... you really screwed up, blond!” The captain stuck his bearded face at the door, for once discreet about not looking into the bedroom. “Sousuke, I'll be off. I'll come for the book another time.” He patted Aizen-sama's shoulder before he disappeared. I heard the door close.

He was still looking at me. I could not speak, feeling something well up in me. My right hand shifted to grip my left elbow and I ducked my face away from his gaze, feeling my cheeks burn with shame.

Aizen-sama came into the room and deposited the contents of his traveling bag into the laundry basket we kept near the chest of drawers. He then said quietly, “I'm home.”

Unable to face him, I tried to step out of the room but he was holding my arm tightly. I looked away but he shook me lightly.

“Look at me,” he ordered. I could not. He shook my arm again. “Look. At me.”

My gaze started at the base of his throat and shifted up inch by inch. When I finally met his eyes, I bit my lower lip with shame and guilt. I had never seen him look at me with such pain.

Aizen-sama whispered, “What happened?”

“I'm... I'm sorry.” What else could I say? What else should I say? “I didn't... we got drunk. And we started reminiscing about... we talked about the days when we were together, and... things got kinda blurry. We got – caught up in the moment, the, the memories...”

“I see,” he said. His voice was still the quiet hush he had been using since he commanded me to look at him. “I guess there really is karma.”

“Aizen-sama it wasn't that, I swear I didn't- we, I... gods, I don't know what I'm saying,” I chewed on my upper lip and twisted away from his grip. Tears were brimming in my eyes and I tried to hold them back. “I just, it's been so bad between us recently. And when you went away it just became worst, and I, I just...”

“Bad? Between us?”

The words forced themselves out, probably because I was hung over. “You've been very distant ever since... ever since Rinbayashi accepted me as an apprentice and you took Byakuya in as an apprentice.”

“I haven't been distant,” he said stiffly. “I've been here, as usual. I've always been here, with you.”

“No you're not,” I said, shaking my head. “Even when we make love you're not here. I don't what you're preoccupied with, but I've been trying. I really, really have.” The tears flowed now, and I dragged the back of my hand across my cheeks. They were signs of weakness. “I didn't mean to -”

“-revenge yourself for my distraction?” he supplied, voice still low. “Hurt me for not paying you the same attention as I had in our early days?”

“It wasn't revenge,” I stated slowly. “I needed... it was solace, Aizen-sama. I know who you meet at the retreat. I try not to mind, to block it from my consciousness, to _not know_ that you are seeing him there, while you're away from me. I am trying, and it's hard, and it's painful, and incredibly lonely. If you knew how it hurts to know you're hiding something like this from me-”

“-I did nothing with Urahara,” he gritted out. “It was a meeting for him and all his friends, including me. That is all. There was no need to show me how it hurts; I've seen this before, remember? I've seen it with different actors but yes, it cuts the same. And don't you dare pin the blame on me, Gin. I didn't touch him. Ask any captain: I never touched him, not once.”

“I didn't mean to!” I screamed. “I didn't, I swear I didn't, but it's empty inside, and cold, you have no idea how cold it is when you're not around. I have no one else, Aizen-sama, no one. No friends, not a single one whom I can confide in and talk to. Empty, inside, like a black hole that never fills up. I try not to mind, because when you _are_ here, when you're with me it's okay, but you won't always be with me and you've been pushing me away and it's agony, and...” I stopped, the tears rolling to the hollow of my collarbones. “I tried, I'm still trying, I'm sorry, I really am.”

Aizen-sama blinked and glanced out the window. The silence fell between us, then built up into an icy wall. Then he swallowed and looked at me again. “You know what? Get yourself cleaned up and then... we just... let's just get to work.” He turned on his heel and walked out.

I let out a shaky breath and sat down heavily onto the futon. Then, carefully cleaning up my face with my sleeves, I went to take a shower.

 


	72. 72.

I had never had a longer day in my life. We worked, we ate, we worked again, never exchanging glance or word or thought.

Absolute silence never felt this terrifying.

I forced myself to concentrate. Form after form, schedule after schedule... I kept myself busy, willing myself to stop reaching for his thoughts, willing myself from standing up and going over and asking for forgiveness and pleading for his touch-

_No. Stay._

The pattern repeated throughout the day. When I looked up I would see him bent over the accumulated paperwork, his dark head of hair lightened by sunlight. The cricket was due for a change; I was intending to make a new one after my captaincy test. When he paused I lowered my gaze, hating that I hated him for making me lonely, hating that I loved him enough to do anything for him as long as he cared for me.

When the officers came to sign out for the day, both Aizen-sama and I said goodnight. He took the keys before I could, and I didn't want to see him afterwards. I decided to escape, go back and tidy up the room where... where Rangiku and I...

I felt sick.

How could I have done it? How could I possibly have gotten that far?

On the way home I felt a brief flutter at my mind. Aizen-sama wanted to know where I was. The touch was a shadow that left in an instant. Reaching home I slammed the door shut and locked it. He would not be coming home tonight.

I stripped out of my uniform, pulling on an old yukata and pulling out scrubbing brushes and pails and spare bedsheets. Ripping last night's bedsheets off, I tugged the new one over the futon. The old bedsheets lay crumpled at my knees, a pile of cloud-like softness. I stared at it blankly. One corner was lying over my left knee. Holding it between my fingers, I studied its texture and its color. Smooth and thin, the finest cotton we could afford. I rubbed it between my palms, remembering the sensation of my back sliding over it, my fingers curling into it, the caress of it over my legs.

I tore it in half, the kept ripping until it was in shreds.

My heavy breathing filled the room. I swallowed and picked up the pieces, tying each strip of torn cotton together into one huge Gordian knot and then throwing it into the refuse. As I filled a bucket, I realized that I was adding tears to the water. I rubbed the tears from my face, hating that, despite my smiles everyday, I could still cry at the least provocation, hating that he was the only person I felt safe enough with to really let down my guard, hating that I needed him more than I needed to breathe.

I hated myself. I was pathetic. He had given me ten years away from him but instead of standing on my own two feet, I found Karl Bauer to be a stand-in. Whatever little independence I gained I threw away, locking myself in a tiny world consisting of just the two of us. I hated him for allowing me to do this, hated him for giving all the rope I needed to hang myself. I wished the ache in my chest would go away, but that was my heartbeat.

 _Dear lords, I really am prone to melodrama._ I sniffed and continued to scrub the floors of the house, cleaning it from top to bottom.

xxxxx

He looked as exhausted as I felt when we met in the division the next day. We proceeded much the same as before, like the twelfth division machines monotonously etching away at the mounds of paperwork.

Whenever I walked to his table I wanted to reach out and touch him, but the glacial chill that had fallen between us made me withdraw. I didn't know if he would ever look at me again, or if I dared to meet his eyes again. I had had many flings in the past, but none had affected us this way. Probably because I did not care for any of them.

“Good afternoon, taichou, fukutaichou,” Hinamori said at the open door. I turned away from her, unwilling to see how Aizen-sama approached her with a warm smile – a smile usually directed at me – and helped her set up the table for lunch. A nauseating feeling rose from the pit of my stomach and soured my mouth. He was chatting with her now; I focused intently on the status report in front of me, blocking out all sound. I registered that he touched her hand, telling her something. When she bobbed her head at him he had patted her on the top of her head, like a favored pet.

It made me sick.

When he came over I pretended to write, even though the ink was smearing across the page. It was obvious I was trying to avoid looking at him now, if it hadn't been before.

“Gin?” I tensed within at the sound of my name. He sounded so gentle that it broke through all my defenses. “Lunchtime.”

I gulped silently. “I'm not hungry, taichou. I have to finish vetting these status reports before I go for my captaincy test tomorrow.”

“I can do that,” said Aizen-sama, taking the pen from my hand. “You have to eat, you're so thin. Come along.”

Something in me snapped. His touch on my right hand, his warmth and scent so close to me... I turned and muffled my face into him, my left hand swinging around to grip him. I wanted to speak but my voice was trapped in my throat, and only a weak mewl escaped into his abdomen. He then stroked my head, brushing through my hair and held me close to him. I inhaled his scent, every breath bringing repentant tears. I reined them in as best as I could. Someone came in, probably that idiot girl, but I buried my face into my captain's shihakusho and ignored the moronic and infantile babbling.

When I sensed that she was gone and the door closed, my hand searched up his sleeve and gripped his elbow. I mumbled the words into his stomach, unable to meet his eyes. “I love you. I'm really sorry for what I did. I love you.”

He caressed my hair, trailing his fingers all the way to the back of my neck. His voice was tender. “I know, Gin, I know you two have a special bond.” He paused. “I just... I didn't expect to see that. Now I know how she felt; call it a lesson in humility.”

It was so doggone sweet, the way he admitted his jealousy; I sniffled and snuggled closer. His hand never paused in its stroking and then continued to speak. “Gin, I missed you while I was away. I thought it was an act I was putting up at first, but I really did miss you. I couldn't sleep last night.”

“I couldn't either,” I confessed, now resting my cheek on him. “I hated that you weren't there, but I knew I would've hated it more if you were there. It was confusing. And when morning came, I realized that I hated myself for hurting you.”

“It wasn't your fault-” Whatever he intended to say was interrupted by his growling stomach. I had to laugh and peered up. He let go of my head and dusted under my eyes with his thumbs, all the while smiling at me. “Lunch.”

I got to my feet. His hands loosened. I grabbed him by his face and kissed his lips. No one could make me yearn to kiss him forever, no one's lips melded to mine this easily, no one could fill my senses like he did, every time. Our tongues scraped across each other, the rough of my tongue seeking the wet silk under his. He took off his glasses while I gripped his thick hair, trying to swallow him in.

Just as our ardor rose both of us felt the rumble of our empty stomachs. I had skipped breakfast; he probably did too. I grinned at him. He swept my cheekbones with his knuckles and murmured, “I'm sorry, love, I didn't know you were so lonely.”

“Because I never told you.” It was important to admit it now. ““I didn't want to admit it either; I wanted you to be everything to me.”

“I can't be that,” he said softly. “I wish I could, but I can't.”

I should have been honest a long time ago. “That's the truth I've been trying to hide from. I didn't want to know.”

He grinned crookedly. “Your mind is too sharp not to know.” Then his smile faded. “And I'm sorry I didn't keep you informed about Urahara over at the retreats. I thought it would be better if you didn't hear about him.”

We both had a lot to come clean about, apparently. He tugged on my hand and we walked to our lunches. We had time to deal, but right now I just wanted to bask in his presence again. “Look. Dango.”

“You can have mine.” He didn't like sticky rice in all its forms. “I think it's time we had a good talk, Gin.”

It made me nervous when he appeared this serious. Slowly I gave my consent. “But after the captaincy test, alright?”

He flicked his gaze up at me. “All right.”

xxxxx

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” he asked as I relaxed into his body. We were back in our usual spot, the two of us resting after a long day. Two long days, in fact.

“A little, I suppose,” I said after some time. “Shinsou didn't mind showing only the initial bankai, but he does think I ought to reveal my full strength.”

He played with my fingers, lacing together with mine and tracing over the nail beds. “What did you decide to name it?”

I blinked languidly at the clouds. “Harutakanna. Bamboo shoots in spring.”

“That's a lovely name,” he complimented, dropping a faint kiss on my ear.

I snuggled into his embrace. “It should be. Shinsou and I thought of it together.” I smiled up at him but he touched my lips. The false smile was erased: he knew when I was being insincere. He also knew when my expression became genuine and private. His fingertips tasted wonderful, then he leaned over and kissed me slowly, moving from one edge to the other, his tongue dipping into the corner of my mouth and his canine nibbled on my lower lip. I parted my lips for him, silently asking him to reclaim what was his. His kiss deepened and I melted, my fingers curling into him. He carefully lowered us to the tatami, his kisses never stopping, dusting all over my face. When he backed away for a moment, I swallowed and beamed up at him.

“I love you, Aizen-sama,” I whispered. He blinked lazily as I caressed his cheek and then slid my hand along his neck. “Please, love me.”

His hands shifted under my waist and pressed me to him. I buried my nose in his hair as he placed open-mouthed kisses all along my jaw and neck, nipping and licking. I whined for more contact, hands slipping to his belt but he shushed me.

“I just want to hold you, Gin,” he said. “Nothing more.”

I basked in the affection for a moment before nuzzling into his neck and then sliding to his ear. I nipped at it, knowing it was a ticklish spot for him. He chuckled and rolled over so I rested on his chest. His heartbeat was as good as a lullaby, soothing frazzled nerves and tense emotions.

“What are my chances of being found out, Aizen-sama?” I inquired.

He frowned as he considered. “Low. It looks impressive enough, and certainly everyone expects an expansion of your zanpakuto's form.”

My eyelids felt heavy. I lowered my lashes and breathed in tandem with his inhalations and exhalations. After some time I asked, “How was the retreat?”

“It was alright. The weather was great, and all of us had a chance to rest.” He took my hand and grasped it tightly. ' _It's alright, Gin. Ask what you want to.'_

I wet my lips. “And how was... how was Urahara?”

Aizen-sama nosed me in my ear. ' _Was it that hard?'_ “He was fine. He's much the same as he was last year, except he looked more like a homeless man these days.”

I fell silent. Aizen-sama was nodding off. I supposed he was as tired as I was. I was suddenly afraid of sleeping; it would bring tomorrow faster. “The kids are shaping up well.”

He _had_ fallen asleep. I felt a twinge of guilt for awakening him. “Hmm? Kids?”

“Abarai, Kira, that Hina something girl, Chuman and Okada. The interns.” I rose on my elbows. “Are you that tired?”

He mumbled foggily, “Sad to say I think I am, lover.” I poked him in the ribs, wanting a little more conversation before we rested. He grunted. “Did anything happen while I was away?”

“I saw Kira naked.” That failed to garner a reaction. “He saw me naked.”

He lifted his brows although the clear brown eyes were lidded. “Already?” I nudged him again, harder. He groaned. “I'm listening, Gin. What happened?”

I recounted the events. He laughed softly when I described the astonishment on Kira's face and the way Kira had ran out of the bathhouse. He even told me what he thought I should have done, which I disagreed with.

“I like to leave room for imagination,” I said. Then I realized he was really drained. “Maybe we should adjourn to the bedroom?”

“Too far. We'll sleep in the office tonight. The couch is comfortable enough.”

I scowled. “Too narrow for two.”

“If you think I'll let you out of my arms, you'd best think again.” He tightened his hold possessively. “Couch, me, you, tonight. No arguing.”

xxxxx

Something was poking me in the shoulder and it was very irritating. “Wake up, Gin. You need to eat before the test.”

I awoke to find that I had cramped up in my legs, my back and my neck. I had fallen asleep in Aizen-sama's arms, my legs draped over his. I sat up as best as I could and scrubbed the back of my head. It tasted like something had pissed in my mouth and I tried to work up some saliva to remove the dryness that gagged me. “I have my toothbrush here? We haven't slept here for years.”

He lowered his feet to the ground and rotated his shoulders. “We have some in the storage drawer.”

I yawned and stretched, needing to warm up before the captaincy test. At least it was an easy one, since there would only a few captains and Jin watching. Shinsou was already prepared and after last night, I felt balanced, mentally. It was time to move on.

xxxxx

Yamamoto was satisfied with my punctuality. I bowed formally and laid aside my lieutenant's armband. Jin nodded an encouragement from the side, and Sasakibe gave me a discreet thumbs up.

Unohana took her place beside the soutaichou, then Tousen and Komamura sat down on the remaining places. Before I unsheathed my sword I saw someone enter the yard from the side entrance. Ebony hair and ivory skin: Byakuya was here too?

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou,” said Sasakibe at the nod from his captain. “You are here to take the test for the captains to evaluate your suitability as a captain.”

“Yes, I am.” I held my head high, meeting their impassive gaze. Byakuya stood a discreet distance away.

“Name your sword.”

“I am the wielder of Shinsou,” I announced, feeling Shinsou's power thrumming within me and along the blade. After our bankai fight he had been acquiescent to every demand, each time revealing another skill or facet to me.

“Name your bankai.”

“Harutakanna,” I said. “That is Shinsou's form as bankai.”

Sasakibe waited for Yamamoto's signal. When the elderly shinigami nodded, the gray-haired lieutenant revealed his own sword. “I will be your opponent-”

“I will be his opponent, if the rules allow,” cut in Byakuya. His scarf, the insignia of his office as head of the Kuchiki household, fluttered as he moved.

Yamamoto frowned and leaned over to discuss with the other three captains. Then he spoke. “Go ahead. Hold back your blows: we are not looking to a battle, but an assessment.”

“Yes soutaichou,” I said in tandem with Byakuya. Then I smiled at the young captain of the Sixth. “As a courtesy, please reveal your bankai first.”

He assented with a dip of his head. Every move was poetry in motion, I discovered, the flow of his hand drawing out his sword, the simple release of his grip, and the appearance of the blades.

I recalled the sensation of paper-thin blades slicing into me and the agony of healing from the inside out. It would not happen today. It was almost ironic, since I also had to let my sword impale the ground, but I knew my bankai was in no way comparable to Byakuya's elegance. It didn't matter. I had to show I knew how to use my sword, and I would.

“Bankai.”

It took the noble by surprise when the first thin sword stabbed up half an inch from his left foot, but he recovered quickly. I drew Shinsou back and thrust it forward, the blade extending and swinging around. As Byakuya dodged the 'petals' of his bankai scattered into a pink haze. Knowing that there was no way for me to defend myself against the deadly beauty of his sword, I went on the offensive, telling Shinsou to target Byakuya. Whenever he stepped on a surface my sword would have cut into it, sending sharp edges springing after him. When he leaped into air I withdrew Shinsou and used it as in my shikai, forcing him to duck and make contact with a surface which would, split seconds later, sprout a forest of swords. He had to keep going on the defensive while part of his bankai attacked. Shinsou managed to throw up a shield of steel around me but it blocked me from seeing Byakuya when he attacked. I knew I was not a match for him as long as Shinsou's final form remained unreleased, but since this was not a fight to the death I saw no point in releasing it. After a few nicks from Senbonzakura and Shinsou landed on both of us, Yamamoto called for a halt.

“Well done, Ichimaru-fukutaichou,” he said. “That was some very confident handling of your bankai.”

“Thank you, soutaichou,” I said. “Without Kuchiki-taichou's assistance I would have been hard-pressed to work well with Shinsou.”

Komamura growled in his deep voice. “Accept praise when deserved, young shinigami.”

“Thank you, Komamura-taichou.”

“You maintained good control of your reiatsu,” said Tousen. “I think all you need is time to work on your defense.”

“As for our decision,” Unohana said with her gentle smile. “I think it is quite unanimous, is it not?”

“You've passed,” agreed Yamamoto. “Keep your celebration until after the official announcement, alright?”

“Thank you.” I grinned and bowed again. Byakuya faded out of the compound, as silently as he had arrived. He had not said a word to me throughout the test, as if I did not exist at all. I wondered why he had turned up at the test. Perhaps he was here to witness on Hisana's behalf?

 


	73. 73.

****Aizen-sama was as puzzled about Byakuya's appearance at my test. As we snuggled into bed I was perversely glad we had not really talked beyond the superficial. I did not want to risk what I had achieved with him. The memory of the flashback to my living human days was not one I particularly wished to dwell on.

What I did dwell on was the mission that Aizen-sama promised. It would be so very... interesting.

xxxxx

xxxxx

On Friday morning, I was already thrumming with anticipation. Many congratulatory notes and some gifts had been sent to me and the official announcement had been posted: once the season ended I would be the captain of the Third Division.

In the dojo where we held our Intermediate Zanjutsu Course, the students offered their congratulations as well. I accepted with good grace, and then proceeded to disabuse them of the notion that my good mood meant a lighter and easier lesson.

“...when you stand make sure your feet are wide apart,” I said, adjusting Abarai's posture, “and knees loose, not fixed. Now try the three-step attack you just learned.”

The redhead bowed, took his practice sword, then settled into attack pose. I held my sword in defense and nodded.

_Twak. Twak twak._

“Good,” I said and some of the girls tittered. That was the first word of praise they had heard. “All your power followed through on each stroke. Right-left-left, did the rest of you see? No wasted swinging out of elbows or shakiness. Try that again, Abarai, but faster. Come at me like I'm a hollow.”

“Yes fukutaichou.”

 _Twak_ _twaktwak._ I parried the blows easily and then nodded at him to return to his place around the mat. “Now that you have seen, you will practice. Then, join it up with the previous two sets of motions we learned last week into a full cycle. That is the White Crane cycle. Pair up and move.”

As the students got into their assigned pairs Rangiku stood and took over, coordinating and correcting along the rows. I strolled down, occasionally whacking a stiff knee with my wooden sword, prodding a jutting elbow into place, or tapping a rigid back.

“Let your energy flow with your movement,” I said to a slightly plump girl. She bobbed her head and pushed up her glasses. “If you feel that there is no strength to your actions, then your movements are not fluid enough.”

The noise of a dozen wooden swords clacking together was irritating, especially since I could see ten out of the twelve who were not using their swords right. Rangiku was teaching a girl about the most efficient grip on the handle. I rolled my eyes and walked to a faltering pair, muttering imprecations under my breath.

The only two I could ignore were Abarai and his partner Kira. It came naturally to Abarai, that much was obvious: he never needed more than a word or two to adjust his blows to best effect, and beneath that flamboyant exterior lay a finicky, detail-obsessed creature who was exceedingly good at capturing the slightest motions that indicated a good attack and an excellent one. Kira, on the other hand, had to work at his performance. Abarai showed him how to move and Kira copied, reinterpreted, and put it all together in his pretty blond head. I smiled at the sight of them trying to unify what they had been practicing with the current set of actions. Though they did not know it, that was an impossible task that they had to overcome through their own ingenuity.

xxxxx

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

I looked around. The class had been dismissed and I had just finished a post-lesson discussion with Rangiku. Kira was at the door, evidently waiting for me. I smiled as he walked up to me nervously. “Yes, Kira?”

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou, I... I don't really understand what you meant earlier. Renji, I meant, Abarai-kun tried to explain but I couldn't get it.” He flushed darkly and looked down. Taking a deep breath, he bowed and said, “Please, could you teach me again? I will try harder to understand!”

I tilted his chin up with two fingertips and a thumb. He was so earnest I couldn't help grinning wider. “Of course. The dojo is empty now and you don't have to be back until after lunch, is that so?”

“Yes fukutaichou.”

“Well then,” I said, letting go of his chin. “Are you hungry?”

“No sir.” There was a brief, shy smile; I mused privately if I could make him smile more. He looked better with a smile than his perpetually worried expression. A growl in the vicinity of his middle belied his words.

I burst into soft laughter as the young man bowed his head in consternation. Ruffling his pale blond hair I said, “I think your stomach disagrees. Look, you trained for the entire morning, I've been talking and walking for the same amount of time, I think it's fair we give ourselves a break. I'll talk you through the principles over lunch, how about that?”

Kira never looked up. “Th-thank you, fukutaichou. I-I, um...” He broke off and then chuckled embarrassedly. “I guess I am rather hungry.”

A slight impingement of reiatsu on my left; I turned and saw Hisagi Shuuhei, staring at the two of us. He was at an upper level a block away, but I knew my hair color and Kira's were more than obvious enough for him to know who we were. I smirked and ruffled Kira's hair again before smoothing it down, fingers deliberately lingering behind the boy's ears. Kira pinked and beamed at me, not at all aware of Hisagi's scrutiny. I leaned in closer. “Tell you what: if you buy me some red bean dessert, I'll even tell you how to answer the homework I set you.”

“Fukutaichou!” Kira laughed, bemused. “That would be wrong!”

I grinned down at the blond, before taking him by his arm and leading him down to the commissary. Somewhere behind me Hisagi glared in futile anger and jealousy.

xxxxx

The alarm came just as the squads were being dismissed for the day, leaving only the night shift on duty. Aizen-sama strode to the outer office where the squad and team leaders were, and I followed four steps behind.

“We have a mission. Tenth squad leader?” called out the captain. Hasegawa stood up and jogged over to us. Aizen-sama handed him a communicator and then looked over the short missive. “Hasegawa, take your team out to the twenty-eighth district East Rukongai, near the forests. There apparently is a hollow which has made its lair there. Since we are not sure how powerful it is, you will take your squad. As an added measure, seventh seat Onizuka and Gin will follow you. Hasegawa, you're in charge.”

“Yes taichou.”

“Gin,” said Aizen-sama to me, “watch over the kids.”

“Taichou, you mean... bring the interns along?” asked Hasegawa.

My lover smiled and nodded. “I don't intend for them to sit around and think Gotei jobs are all about papers. Take them with you.”

Hasegawa turned to me, concern evident in his face. I shrugged. “You're the boss now.”

“Uh, okay.” He took a calming breath. As the fifth seat, him taking the post after Mesuda's promotion, he was not quite growing into his role yet. “We should – we will assemble in three minutes in the yard. I will brief everyone before we move.”

A brief touch of fingers to Aizen-sama's and a small encouraging thought later, I was in the yard waiting for the tenth squad to fall in. The members were well-trained, falling in neatly within two minutes and in line. Even the five interns were prompt. I wondered if the third division was half as well-trained as this – we had worked so hard to get this group of shinigami in shape, I didn't want to leave Aizen-sama with some inept lieutenant to screw up the division.

Hasegawa told them of the mission and location, then assigned Abarai and Kira under my care with two new shinigami, Izanagi and Usagi, and the other three with Onizuka and Katsumura. I wondered if my captain had nudged Hasegawa into that arrangement, then figured the team leader calculated the best arrangements for the interns.

It didn't matter. What did matter was that the blond was going to stay close to me and, as long as I could distract Abarai from looking after his friend, it should work. Not that I actually had a plan, but then again, my forte was in improvisation.

xxxxx

The grove was a pleasantly quiet place, though we could see the signs of destruction. A river flowed past the forest noisily, masking any potential noise the hollow might be making. Katsumura and Onizuka were behind the group of interns while I was at the front with Hasegawa, surveying the scene.

“Fukutaichou?” whispered Hasegawa. “Should I order a search now?”

I shook my head discreetly. “Too dark. Set up camp and watch rota. I will be on alert through the second half of the night, you'll take the first.”

“Do I include the interns in the watches?”

“They're here to learn what it means to be a shinigami.” My answer given, I glanced behind. “They are waiting for you.”

Hasegawa breathed in and then barked out orders. He had risen fast to the fifth seat, but his nerves meant he needed more field missions. I made a mental note to inform my captain of this: it might boil down to a race for lieutenant seat between Mesuda, Yanaihara and Hasegawa. Personally I preferred Yanaihara. The man was discreet, disciplined and determined: he would be a capable lieutenant.

Kira and Abarai clustered to my side. I didn't even look over my shoulder. “The tent they erect is for a dozen. Go and rest until it's your turn for the watch.”

“Yes fukutaichou,” said Kira and disappeared. Abarai remained by my side.

I looked over the redhead. “First watch ever?”

“Yes fukutaichou.” Abarai's posture was ramrod straight.

I sniffed critically. “Ease up. If the hollow appears you need to be relaxed enough to move, not stiffened up into rigor.” The broad shoulders slouched. “I'll teach you how to blend into a shadow, hide your outline. Too bad we can't do anything about that hair, but in moonlight it doesn't show up as much.”

After I had Abarai settled into his post I found myself a private nook that was reasonably sheltered, away from the other three sentries. Hasegawa knew how to locate me with reiatsu. In all the haste to leave the division compound, I hoped no one had thought to warn the interns about the dangers of camping out.

xxxxx

Halfway through my watch I saw a blond head peeking out and trying to locate a patch of shadow. I walked up to behind him and tapped his shoulders. He had his sword out and angled at my throat in one swift whirl.

“Good, you know what to do,” I said softly.

The blade fell and he looked down. “I'm so sorry, I didn't know-”

“You did the right thing,” I said. “You're looking for a place to stand your watch?”

“Yes fukutaichou.”

Kira had no idea how delectable he looked when he had turned and drawn his blade, wide eyes flashing and expression set with determination. I could, however, sense the edge that his reiatsu held, an edge that thrummed with unease and discomfort. Smiling secretively I directed him to a location near a large boulder that was facing the river, but overshadowed by a large fir tree.

I widened my perceptions, locating the other three sentries. North, south and east. The river that was the west face of the campsite was the least likely place for a hollow to attack – in all the years we had fought them, none had like emerging dam and wet and slimy from water. Near water, yes, since that was where people drowned and their souls made good eating, but a rapid river like the one here was impossible even for a hollow to hold onto.

“Here. Watch for shadows – look into them, see if they fit. Keep your reflexes primed as they are now.” I touched the pale cheek in approval. He twitched slightly, reacting to the contact. Dear gods above he was more sensitive to others' reiatsu than I had dared to expect. If he was this high-strung with just a few hours, the next evening should have him tenser than a violin string.

Holding off for one night would make the victory sweeter, I told myself. The damn hollow had better not attack until I gave the signal.

xxxxx

The next day was spent scouting. We found some traces of the hollow having hunted, mostly villagers from the small cluster of houses near the border. Hasegawa had become more assured after one night and told the squad to break into teams of six. I motioned for Chuman to join my group and we searched in a clockwise pattern, spiraling outwards, but found no trace of the instigator.

“Fukutaichou, requesting backup for fourth team. Hollow engaged!”

The voice crackled over four communicators. I scanned the surrounds and located the fourth team. Heading southeast, I led the way, not using shunpo as the three interns wouldn't have been able to keep up.

By the time we got there, the team leader was the only one who was relatively unscathed. I released Shinsou but the hollow dodged the first stab and sprinted out of sight. I didn't want to leave the injured behind me with only interns to guard them and I had yet to attain my other goal, so I let it escape. The other team members suffered broken bones, mostly around the ribs and arms, and one of them had been knocked out. Hasegawa materialized beside me after a few seconds.

The team leader made his report. “It was a medium-sized hollow, not on any of the bounty lists, but powerful. It hissed out a name – Enolathys. I'll send the name to the twelfth. It attacked using its tail and had a hard carapace. It burst out of the ground and attacked – Shun was caught unawares and the tail hit him across his head, that's why he blacked out.”

“Send out a description to the other team as well,” I said.

“Flat-faced, four-limbed. Each limb ended with five appendages, I'm not certain if they are clawed but they looked sharp.”

Hasegawa and I mulled over the information. Then I nodded for Hasegawa to take the stage. Regrouping, we moved slightly south of our previous night's campsite and Hasegawa set up the watches again. Kira's, I noticed, was near daybreak, the two hour watch before dawn.

“Should we send the interns back, fukutaichou?” asked Onizuka privately.

“Who would you recommend seeing them back safely?” I inquired in response. Onizuka fell silent with understanding. With three down, the squad had only nine full-time shinigami. We needed the five extras now, if only as support personnel. I glanced over. Abarai was stony-faced, as was Chuman. Okada and Hinamori appeared concerned, fussing over the injured. Kira held himself aloof from the group, standing at the edge of the camp. Reaching out with my reiatsu, I found him skittish and coiled up in a tight cocoon of mixed emotions.

xxxxx

The night was drawn out far too long, I decided, as I counted down the minutes. I had taken over from Onizuka, as Hasegawa decided on thirds instead of halves, and I had made my rounds already. The location I had picked out for Kira was currently occupied by Hinamori.

In the silvery light of the moon, I studied her carefully. She was petite, her build that of a pre-adolescent, but her dark eyes and fair skin molded her into a classic beauty. It also helped that she moved daintily and had small hands and feet, and even in the dim light her hair shone.

My fingers itched; I wished I could just rip apart that face and tear off that perfect, flawless skin. But Aizen-sama said he wanted her to be lieutenant, so I held back, consoling myself with the knowledge that he would not take her to bed. Aizen-sama, when he was in the mood for women, preferred soft, full curves to that scrawny build; if he wanted to feel bones under his hands, he'd said once before when I was sniping about Hinamori, he would sleep with a rack of sticks. I had argued with him then, since I was very thin myself, but he had shown me what he loved about my body.

I smiled with tender reminiscence. How I had bled that night; my screams ragged and harsh, muffled into the pillow. He knew just how much pressure to close about my neck to drive me crazy with longing and desire, where to touch, where to cut, where to tease, when to stop.

With a sigh I leaned my head against the large tree I was perching in. He might be able to abstain (he could, though I doubted he _would_ ) but I needed someone to warm my bed for me, since I was unable to warm his.

_As long as it's not her, I'm okay with anything._

Eventually it was time for the next watch. I hopped down from the branch and waited for all four sentries to report to me before they headed to wake their friends to take over. When it was finally time for the dawn watch, I sent off the four and then, after a decent interval of time, made a circuit that ended with Kira in the chosen hiding spot. Secluded and near the noisy, rushing river, it would mask any noise.

I tapped him on the shoulder. “Kira.”

“Fukutaichou,” he gasped, almost jumping around. He gulped down nervously and squirmed a little when I stared.

Frowning with faint concern, I stepped closer. “What's wrong?”

“N-nothing, fukutaichou.” He was such a bad liar.

I tipped his face up, the way I did that day after lessons. He was paler than earlier, and he was shaking slightly. His reiatsu wobbled and floundered; he was perspiring in the cool air before the dawn.

“Nothing? You're trembling and clammy,” I said, cupping his cheek. He winced and jerked away from my touch. “Something's wrong with you.”

“I-I'm fine. I just feel... restive.” Kira inhaled and let his breath out in a shaky rush. “I don't know why.”

I rested the back of my hand on his forehead. “You're burning up, but your skin is cold. You might be coming down with a cold – but no, you were fine in the day.”

Kira pushed my hand away. “I'm sorry, but... I-I can't seem to think when – fukutaichou, you have to step away, please.” He began to breathe heavier. “My head...”

“Oh dear,” I said and caught him as he stumbled. He was trembling violently. “Oh dear. Kira, how are you in kido?”

The blond looked confused. “Kido? I... I tied for the top position with Hinamori.”

“That's bad,” I muttered. “No one has warned you?”

His voice was weak. I told myself not to take advantage now – there would be plenty of time for that later. “Warn me?”

“Sometimes when a person is very good at reiatsu manipulation, as you are, he or she might be affected by the reiatsu of those about them. I'm sure there have been occasions where you felt as if you're responding to something unsaid but it's in the atmosphere?”

“Y-yes.” There was a story lurking behind those baby blues somewhere. I would find out one day. I shifted closer, moving soundlessly as I allowed my own reiatsu to wrap about us. He didn't notice, so caught up in his own turbulent one. He shivered violently, and I caught hold of him when his knees sagged. “But this is, this is crazy. I'm... I feel like, like there are a dozen different... I don't know what I'm saying, I just...”

“Shh, shh, it's alright, just sit down, breathe,” I murmured, one hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and the other casually maneuvering his blond head to rest on my shoulder. “You're excellent at kido so you're more susceptible to everybody else's mood threading through their reiatsu. They're all on edge now, and you're picking up the signals.”

“But Hinamori-”

“-is resting in a tent with the only other two girls in this squad, far from the men,” I said, now stroking his fine hair. “She's probably just a little more tense than normal. But you, in a tent with half a dozen guys, all of them young, virile and eager for the fray... you're picking up the tone of their, how should I say it? Their urges and needs, reflected in their reiatsu.”

“Oh gods,” whimpered Kira, curling up. “Is that why you stay away from the tents?”

I ran my right hand in strong, calming caresses down his back. “Yes, actually. I'm sorry, I should have told you.”

He was breathing erratically, trying to ease the desire spiking in his body. His hands sought for support blindly, landing on my shoulders. I was not helping, nudging every jolt just a little higher and my left hand slowing near the delightfully sensitive rim of his ear while I patted him on his golden head. He gulped and shifted again, another whine escaping his throat without noticing. I pressed closer, my frame wrapping about him and turning his face towards my chest subtly. His reiatsu reflected the confusion and need that now laced through his veins. His breathing picked up pace. I bent down so my lips would almost brush his forehead.

“You'll have to work that edge off, Kira,” I whispered. “I'll keep a lid over your reiatsu while you do so.”

“Fukutaichou?” He turned large blue eyes at me, not really comprehending.

I smiled faintly and let my hand fall, just grazing over the hardness between his legs. Kira gasped and scooted back, colliding with my right thigh behind his hip. “I can stand elsewhere if it bothers you-”

“I'm sorry-”

“It's normal.” I soothed him, lips pressing once to his brow. He buried his face in my neck and his trembling fingers dug into my uniform. I held still now, fearing to startle him into flight. He mumbled into my skin and I raised my brows after working out what he said. I had no idea it would be this easy, really – Kira practically offered himself to me on a platter.

“Please,” he inhaled sharply on the word. “Don't leave me. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...”

“It's alright, Kira, shh... relax. Relax. Breathe.” I sat down and he whimpered with the slight movement as I tugged him into my lap. “I'll help. You just try to relax, release the tension. Breathe as steadily as you can.”

As my hands loosened his belt, again brushing his erection, he choked on a soft cry and pressed his face deeper into my neck. Thin fingers were clinging now, his nails digging as hard as they could through the uniform into my shoulders. Then he mumbled something into my neck and I laughed softly.

“Of course I'll shut my eyes,” I assured him and he swallowed and relaxed. I did as I said too, all the while aware that his left hand was now nestled in his lap, his right still pulling himself to my chest. His breathing picked up pace and hot pants rushed over my neck. I could feel myself becoming aroused and I knew he felt it too, since he was pressed so close to me. A slight moan that I hushed unwillingly, and he moved faster. His mouth now sucked on my skin, a hot tongue pressing into that area before he nipped it.

I gasped involuntarily. “Kira-”

He moaned again, low in volume but resounding in my ears.

“Gin,” he breathed. “Gin!”

 _Oh dear lords._ The blond youth calling my name was totally unexpected and a wonderful boon. I hissed as his teeth sank into the sensitive juncture to stifle his groan.

“Easy, Kira, easy now...” I kept up the litany in the softest tone I could manage.

He appeared not to have heard me. “Gin, Gin...”

His hips jerked in my lap and his bite deepened; I forced myself to keep my eyes closed. I was painfully hard myself, he was so needy, his soft, wanton groans locked in his throat. My grip tightened a little on his hips and Kira mewled. I shuddered with that sound and began rubbing a circle into his hipbone with my thumb, the other hand clutching his beautiful hair and pressing his face into my neck, trying to elicit more of those fabulously breathy pleas.

He came (too soon, in my opinion), slim hips jerking and teeth clamping down on my skin. When he finally relaxed to uncurl his fingers and let go of my neck, I looked down to see an expression that held mortification, fear and shame – with just that little hint of desire and lust behind bright blue eyes, dimming with a bit of wetness. We stared at each other, and I swallowed back the urge to take him these and then while the scent of his sex was still lingering between us.

“I-I'm so sorry, fukutaichou, I... I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean to-” He covered his mouth and tried to scramble from my lap, but belatedly realized he still needed to tie his belt on and that my hand was still on his hip. “I'm so sorry, I really am, I didn't-”

I smiled tenderly at him. “Shh. It's not your fault. Stop crying or they'll think I raped you or something.”

He gulped and forced himself to quieten. I removed my hand from his skin and, before he could scuttle out of reach, traced two fingers through the sticky mess and licked some of his come off my hand. Kira gasped as my tongue flicked over my fingertips. His mouth parted unconsciously, pink tongue darting out to lick his lower lip. I lifted one eyebrow and parted my own lips slightly in offering. His breath caught. In the glow of the moon he looked like a legendary sprite come to life, big blue eyes and pale pink lips framed by golden hair washed silver in the night's dim light. His gaze traveled from my raised hand to my mouth and then to my eyes.

 _Will you or won't you?_ I held him in the tense silence with my gaze. _Will you or won't you, pretty Kira?_

 


	74. 74.

The hollow that had attacked the other day was located by Mesuda's quartet the next morning. He dispatched of it with some effort, but much quicker than I had expected. By the time my own group arrived at the location, it had already been purified.

Abarai was a more perceptive person than I thought. That morning, Kira and I avoided each other as discreetly as I could manage, and still the redhead managed to pick up the hidden tension. He didn't dare to badger me, but Abarai stuck close to Kira all through the mission until we returned home.

Aizen-sama debriefed us quickly and gave us two and a half days off. I knew Kira was looking at me when he left, but I made sure I maintained eye contact with everyone else but him. No point letting him think I wasn't feeling guilty about that night in the forest.

xxxxx

I sang to myself while waiting for my turn in the bathroom. I had cleaned up earlier, in the division showers, but there was nothing like a good hot soak to ease fatigue from your bones. “The faerie sing and dance all night; they flee the fields at the first sign of light...”

He emerged, hair still damp, and I beamed up at him when he ruffled my hair as he passed by.

“I gather from your expression matters proceeded according to plan,” he murmured.

I nibbled my lower lip, smiling to myself. “Oh yes. Better than expected.”

He didn't pry, merely patted me on the head before heading into the kitchen. I leered at the sway of his towel-clad ass as he walked sedately to the kitchen. He was so fucking sexy; I wondered if he was that conscious of his effect on people. Kira wasn't – he knew he had _something,_ but he didn't know how to exploit it to his benefit.

Then I wondered if Aizen-sama wanted to hear about that night in the forest, next to the river. _Don't you wanna know?_

 _'The boy is entirely yours, lover. You don't have to share if you don't want to.'_ I wasn't certain if I believed him. My lover had said he wanted to know.

_Really? I really can keep him to me?_

He laughed. _'Of course. You don't have to share, my dear.'_

xxxxx

He pulled my hips closer to his and I cried out, trying to match his thrusts. My elbows hurt a little from supporting my weight, but his left arm slid around my waist, pressing my slick skin to his, and held me steady. His skin was so warm and familiar and welcoming; I squeezed my eyes shut and panted heavily. The weekend break evidently affected him as well. I couldn't hold out much longer, clenching about him and he groaned, his movements increasingly forceful and brutal until a wave of white flooded my senses and I toppled forward. Aizen-sama licked and kissed down my back, taking more time playing with the tattoo on my lower back. I was too fatigued to squirm, but couldn't resist the irregular bursts of laughter and he tickled and laved affectionate kisses all over my back.

“That was refreshing,” he said, pulling the covers up around us.

I blinked sleepy eyes at him. “Refreshing? _Refreshing?_ Never mind. I'm too tired to retort.” Rolling over and easily wrapping our blankets about myself, I nuzzled under his chin. He wrested some of the sheets off me and I snuggled in further.

“Brat,” he scolded and kissed me on my forehead. Then he brushed my hair from my eyes. “Maybe we should rethink this whole thing.”

“What whole thing?” I asked sleepily.

“We don't have to go anywhere else to be together,” he said. “I don't have to attain my goals. Jyuushiro and Kyoraku manage just fine.”

Was he saying what I thought he was saying? “Are you insane? You've prepared for it all your shinigami life. Are you giving up now?”

Scooting back a little, I peered up into his face, shadowed by night. He gazed at me, an inscrutable expression hiding his thoughts from me. He was smiling faintly. “I could. Do you want me to?”

“No!”

My adamant refusal was unexpected, judging by the surprise in his mood. He sat up on his elbow and placed a hand on my hip. In the darkness everything outside of the bed was unimportant and non-existent. The world had narrowed to just him and me, here in the same bed. It would always be just him and me, here in the same bed. Aizen-sama touched my cheek. “You sure about that? That would mean decades, perhaps centuries. Perhaps never.”

“You want it,” I said, pressing into him. “It's yours. It has always been yours. Aizen-sama, you mustn't give up.”

There was the smallest hint of uncertainty and doubt. He kissed my cheek and whispered, “I'm afraid it will be too hard on you, Gin.”

I closed my eyes, absorbing the sensation of his face hovering over me. “It won't be. I'm strong.”

“Give me a hundred years,” he said. “One hundred years to try.”

“You can have eternity-” I began, but he cut me off with a kiss. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, and reflexively my arms went around his neck to draw him closer. He kept drinking me in; it was getting hard to breathe, and I whimpered when his hands cupped my face to hold me still. Aizen-sama shifted over me and I moved, wanting that pleasurable crush of his weight to meld even more closely with my body.

I gasped in a breath when he pulled away. He pressed his mouth to my neck and then slid up to murmur in my ear, “I will not spend eternity on this. I will not have you endure that long an ordeal. I will not have you suffer. Give me one hundred years. Trust me.”

“I do, I do.” I had to hold back my turbulent emotions that threatened to spill out.

He tore the blankets from me roughly, his hands foregoing their usual tenderness. I reacted to the demands and spread my knees, holding them apart. Our hips resting together moved into the rhythm long familiar. I reached for his shoulders and he lowered himself, wrapping his muscular arms around me.

I buried my face into his neck, my nose and mouth seeking out his sensitive spots and the areas where his scent was the strongest, where I could be swept away by him entirely. _I love you, I love you... I love you._

He responded with passionate fervor, hands scraping down my spine and parting the cleft of my buttocks so he could pleasure me better. I cried out softly when the penetration hurt – we had just done it, it shouldn't be hurting – then uttered a louder cry when the pain edged into pleasure.

 _'Gin, Gin... What have you done to me? What have you made me into?'_ he asked brokenly, almost incoherently. _'Who are you?'_

Every thrust drew an answering groan and I writhed in his hold. The momentum grew, the pressure coiling tighter and more fantastic and incredible until it was _killmelovemedrivemeinsanenowIneedyouneedmoreneedyouneedyou_ and finally, finally we were pushed over the edge.

xxxxx

“What did you mean, 'who are you'?” I asked the next morning as we had breakfast.

He peered over the top of his usual morning reports. “What?”

“Last night,” I clarified, “last night you were thinking it while we were having sex. What was that about?”

He frowned. “I don't remember.”

I half-smiled and leaned forward. “Try that line on someone who hasn't lived with you for almost a century.”

Aizen-sama narrowed his brown eyes and sipped his coffee. “I choose not to remember.” He lifted the papers, blocking his gaze from my scrutiny.

I shook my head and smiled before clearing breakfast from the table. He didn't begrudge the fact that we could read each other's thoughts, but he liked knowing he was better at shielding than I was. To have his innermost ruminations read in the throes of passion... I grinned as I washed up. He came into the kitchen to deposit his coffee mug before kissing me on the back of my neck.

I half-turned. He snaked his arms about my waist, ignoring the fact that I had soapy arms and could not hug him back. His nose rubbed into the back of my wars and I wriggled away.

“Morning grouch,” I scolded him.

“Mmm. If I were a grouch, would I be doing this?”

“Hands off now,” I warned, trying not to respond to his groping. “You're a grouch _and_ a molester.”

He chuckled and licked up my neck, hands not stopping at all. “Look who's talking.”

I moaned and my head rolled back. When he nibbled at my earlobe I protested feebly, “The dishes...”

“No one's asking you to stop,” said Aizen-sama wickedly. He nudged my jaw. “Go on, keep washing.”

My hands were fumbling with the slippery plates. “Not fair.”

“I'm still your captain.”

“Still not fair. Ah!” I paused and leaned back. “Okay, now that was playing dirty. Unh!” He ignored my objections and my breathing picked up pace, my pulse accelerating. “We have... we've a meeting in... we need to go soon – Aah!”

He caught me around my middle as my knees buckled for a second. “Someone needs more iron and calcium in his diet,” he said. “Lacking strength.”

“Aizen-sama,” I whined, abandoning all pretense at washing plates and bowls, my fingers gripping as best as they could to the side of the sink. He understood my intentions and told me to wash the soap off my hands and forearms, before he pinned me against the wall and finished the job properly.

xxxxx

It bugged me that he hadn't sent me out on a mission because he wanted to offer me an opportunity to get closer to Kira. It wasn't about me.

“When I arrived she was having difficulty breathing,” Komamura was saying to the assembled captains. Instead of me being with the lieutenants, Sasakibe had ushered me to Rinbayashi's seat. The helmeted captain went on, and I pretended to listen, all the while seething silently.

_'Why the fury?'_

_This was why you set up the mission._

_'Yes.'_ He was looking pensive and downcast, but the satisfaction was evident in his mental tone. I kept a tight lid on my own emotions. _'This way no suspicion will fall on you. Besides, Komamura-san is the one person whose word no one disbelieves – he is much more trustworthy than any of us, in Yamamoto's eyes.'_

I clenched my fists so that my nails bit into my palms. He didn't understand. He still could not understand, even with our history together. _What else did you accomplish while I was away?_

He pushed up his glasses. _'Met up with Kai Mizuki. She's still loyal, but I think she's starting to transfer her idol worship to Byakuya.'_

I stifled the sudden rage with some difficulty. My smile tightened, and Yamamoto's eyes narrowed at the inappropriate expression. He was already missing her, his old nakama, and the usual vibrancy that characterized his reiatsu had faded alarmingly. Aizen-sama covered for my faux pas with a simple query but my focus remained locked on Aizen-sama.

_He does not understand._

xxxxx

We were talking, and my anger was abating slightly. Aizen-sama had my best intentions at heart, after all. I was telling him that I felt ike burning down the bed Rinbayashi died in.

“We could just move a new one in. Maybe the one from-”

There was a cold voice cutting across Aizen-sama's voice. I recognized it: it was that skinny captain of the second. Soi Fon's butting into our conversation was the final straw for the day. My rage, which had been cooling, rose again.

“I would recommend both of you to cease living together.” Her sanctimonious attitude and censorious tone added a lot of fuel to the fire.

My lips curled a little cruelly. There had been occasions when she had crossed Aizen-sama's path, had obstructed him in his purposes. I had stayed out of her way since she had yet to cross me, and Aizen-sama said she was useful in he own belligerent way.

Her lips were still moving. “Your continued intimacy of conversation and behavior does not indicate you being ready to call an end to your romantic relationship.”

“Soi Fon,” said Aizen-sama with more patience than I could muster, “it is none of your business what and how Gin and I behave. Leave us, please.”

“You were instructed to break off all potentially incriminating liaisons almost a year ago,” said Soi Fon with a sneer. “There is no sign that either of you intend to follow that injunction. Consider this a warning from Secret Forces, Aizen-san, Ichimaru-san. Especially for you, Ichimaru-san: we don't want you stripped of your hard-earned position now, do we?”

 _Now you threaten me?!_ I held back the deep red rage. The last time I gave in to the anger, I landed in hospital with Sayurihime's blades embedded in my bones. Soi Fon was as likely to hold back in her attacks as Byakuya's father had. Nonetheless she was sticking her little snub of a nose where it didn't belong.

“We don't?” I answered, the hiss of warning evident even to my ears. “Soi-taichou, you can take the Secret Forces and shove-”

“Soi Fon,” said Aizen-sama, his hand on my shoulder tightening and the pressure rising. “We will do the right thing. But as there are still some weeks, do let us enjoy what little time we have left. While I admire your dedication to duty, I see no need for you to raise this issue in such a delicate time, is there? Yamamoto-soutaichou would not be pleased with infighting over a trivial misunderstanding.”

I almost kicked him for being so fucking polite. She took the statement for the threat it was and left, but I spun around to impale him with a glare.

“What? What?” He appeared to be confused by my anger. “What did I do?”

I snarled. “Why couldn't I just tell her to stuff it? It's obvious she needs something to. That total bitch has been doggin' my footsteps like it was the trail to her beloved Yoruichi-sama. And you made nice with the likes of her?” My arms folded tightly, I awaited his explanation.

He shook his head. “Respect, Gin. She has been captain for a long time.”

“I've sat on my ass a long time too,” I snapped. “Do I have to show it respect too?”

He whacked my arm lightly. “She is your senior. You know better than that. For heaven's sake, Gin, act like the captain you're going to be.”

“So I have to alter who I basically am to become what they want me to be? Change myself to fit their expectations?” I let out a short laugh. “Screw them.”

He was not amused. “Gin!”

“You know what?” I licked my lips. “I need a walk. Alone. Figure out if I really want this damn captaincy anyway.”

Aizen-sama released a long breath. “You are being ridiculous. Why are you so riled up over nothing?”

“Because it's everything to me!” I didn't mean to yell, I truly didn't. But the fact that I had weeks left, weeks of being in his arms every night, weeks of being allowed to call him mine and being recognized as irrevocably his, weeks of small acts of tenderness and passion – it didn't affect him the way it did me. I ached within already, as if an empty hole had taken up residence and now I was nothing more than a hollow like the bastard monsters we purify. And the chain that used to be there was being eaten away by a stupid, ancient law, and that he didn't, couldn't feel the chain that tied me to him. I needed him, I knew it, he knew it, but he didn't _understand._ He _couldn't_ understand – he had never _needed_ anyone. I reined in the tears, not wishing to reveal weaknesses where other people could see. “Why doesn't it bother you? Why doesn't it seem to matter to you that I have only a month left by your side? Why am I the only one caring and hurting?”

“How can you say that?” he asked, eyes wide. “Just because I'm mature about it-”

“Oh? It's nice to know that's your opinion of me. Immature little Gin!”

“I never said you were immature.”

“No, you just showed it with every single move and in every single glance. I am always being guided, being sheltered, being taught. Maybe I don't need you to _protect_ me, Aizen-taichou, I know what the hell I am doing!”

“Really?” His tone was cold and cutting. I withdrew mentally and physically. “Fine then. I'll stay out of your way while you make all the decisions you want, Gin. And maybe you'll get used to the foot that's going to live in your mouth.”

“Fine!” I concurred. When he was in this mood it was best that he found someone to play with before I got back to him.

“Fine.”

We strode off in opposite directions. This was stupid, I told myself as I walked. _You're an idiot._

He was still annoyed at my ranting. _'Grow up. And stop dragging me down to your infantile level. I have better things to do.'_

_Fine. Go do them._

_'Fine. I will.'_

Even if we had spoken these words aloud, no one would believe the sensitive and gentle Aizen-taichou and always-smiling and creepy Ichimaru-fukutaichou would sound like children when they argued. I was feeling a little guilty for taking my anger out on him but made my way to the central lake.

It was deserted at this time of day, with the sun nearing its apex. I skated pebbles over the calm surface, watching the ripples grow, when I felt a presence nearby.

It was Hisagi Shuuhei.

“Hey,” I said with a smile. “Care to join me?”

“Are you coming apart?” he said without much humor. But he still trod over to me and sat beside me on the grass. “I heard you led the mission that Kira was on the past weekend.”

“Yes, I was there, but I wasn't the leader.” I plucked a weed from the bank and began shredding it. “You never told him about the effect of multiple reiatsu, did you?”

He was startled. “You mean... did he react?”

“He's sensitive to reiatsu. You were there the day we saw them practice kido, you should've realized.” I glanced at Hisagi's mortified expression. “Relax. He didn't embarrass himself.”

“That's... that's good to know,” he answered. He had a sheaf of folders under his arm, neatly tied with string, and the words “For the Third” was stamped over the cover. He rubbed his sleeveless bicep. “I wonder...”

When he trailed off I looked at him steadily. “Yes?”

“I heard some things about you,” he said. “I don't know if I should trust you, but... you're gonna be a cap'n soon. I don't know what to do.”

“What did you hear?” I asked.

He lowered his face to stare at the grass. “That you had an affair with Aizen-taichou while being married to Matsumoto-fukutaichou. And that... that you played around whenever Aizen-taichou was out of Soul Society on inter-society business.”

I grinned. “Both are true. I fell in love with Aizen-taichou while being with Rangiku. She... she's someone very important to me, and I thought I could be happy if she was happy. In the end I hurt her, our friendship, taichou... He sent me away for ten years for the rumors to die down, for Rangiku to have a chance to recover from the blow, and for himself to sort out his feelings.”

Hisagi was astonished by my frankness. “And... and the other one?”

“Playing around?” I laughed bitterly. “Let me give you a bit of unsolicited advice, Hisagi-kun. Never, ever fall in love with the perfect man.”

“What?”

“Because his smiles are for everyone. His gentleness and tenderness are for everyone. His kindness, his warmth... nothing is solely yours. Nothing.” I tossed the abused weed away and pulled out another. “You end up trying to be as honorable, as wonderful, as giving... you'll try so hard, so much, but no one notices because you are not him. He's the perfect one, you're just a sad imitator.”

Hisagi was motionless, though he tensed slightly when my fingers tore into the hapless plant in my hands.

I went on. “And he's so perfect, he tells you to stop trying. You'll stop, because it's so tiring. You know he loves you. You know he loves you perfectly, and so, one day, you'll decide you've had enough of the perfection. You want to destroy that perfection. You go out, have a one-night stand. He finds out and forgives you. Thus you have guilt, and anger that he didn't crack. You find another for a weekend fling. He forgives you, again. And again. And again. Eventually you'll decide not to hide it from his eyes and show him what you've been doing behind his back. He gets upset, but he forgives both of you. And now you don't even know if it's guilt you feel, or fury, or love, or hate. And he is still perfectly in love with you.”

I chuckled and scattered the green bits in my hand to the wind. Hisagi stared at me. I watched the shards of light dancing on the lake as I threw a pebble as far as I could into it. Then I beamed at Hisagi. “So, my young friend, don't fall in love with perfection. It's not worth it.”

Hisagi chuckled uneasily. “I don't get you at all, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

“No?” I stood up and brushed off the grass bits that stuck to my uniform. “You were here to tell me to stay away from Kira Izuru, right? I haven't broken my promise, my friend. I haven't sought him out. And anyway, I'm not serious about him. He's... like you.” I ruffled his spiky hair. “I still remember when you were just a kid, Zahl. It was fun, but nothing more than fun.”

I left him seated on the bank of the lake and wandered back to the offices. There was still a file or two I had to move to the Third.

 


	75. 75.

I watched the blond as he wandered off. Aizen-sama would be amused at how our real fight led to Kira's observing me. But he was going back to the dormitories – I had no intention of returning to that place.

Instead of trudging back to the division office and brood, I decided to use my time more productively. There were some personal effects I had to shift to my new quarters and I didn't trust others with those. As I turned down the walkway to where I had stored my items, I saw Kaien in the distance with – oh gods – the two insane fourth seats. Kaien caught sight of me and waved merrily.

“Hi there,” I said when he came up to me. Then I froze when I saw who was behind him.

_Hisana?_

The girl looked up and I noted the trepidation and detached respect pass over her features. “Good afternoon, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

“You have the advantage of me, unfortunately,” I said, trying not to appear too startled.

“Her name's Rukia. Kuchiki Rukia,” said Kaien. “Kuchiki-taichou adopted her not too long ago.”

I remembered. I had heard of their resemblance; even so, I was not prepared for this. “Hello.”

“Good afternoon,” Rukia repeated, her gaze averting. Why? And then I understood with surprising clarity.

This Rukia was afraid of me.

She was the spitting image of Hisana, but still terribly, horribly different. For one thing, Hisana had never stepped back from me when I smiled at her. Something knifed through my heart. I wondered what it was, but pushed the thought aside. “Good to see you in the Gotei, Rukia,” I drawled. “Kaien, when you moved from your place to the lieutenant's quarters at the thirteenth, d'you remember if we had to fill in any forms an' such?”

“Mmmm... think there was one for change of residence,” Kaien tapped his chin, “and then maybe one to forward all mail to your new address. That's about it.”

“Thanks.” I nodded to the crew. “I'll see you around.” My gaze locked on Rukia, who flushed and kept her head bowed until they were well out of sight.

The pain returned and I bit a knuckle. Why did it hurt when Rukia didn't meet my eyes?

xxxxx

xxxxx

The placement of my items took more time than I had expected. By the time I strolled out of the third's captain's quarters, the sun was well on its way down the horizon. I breathed in languidly, feeling satisfied with my afternoon's work, but nowhere near willing to see Aizen-sama. There were things we had to thrash out, and I wasn't sure seeing him right now would help. Shinsou was still with me though; I forgot its stand from our house and had brought it over, and they had yet to install the safety boundary for my zanpakuto.

On a whim I decided to take a stroll down the north sector. The sky was tinted pink and mauve, and I plucked some long grass to play with. Deftly my fingers wove a cricket, the only animal I ever learned to make with these weeds. The one on Aizen-sama's desk was yellowing; maybe I ought to replace it earlier this time.

A burst of reiatsu caught my wandering attention. I stopped walking. Out of nowhere a hell butterfly landed on my shoulder and relayed the news of a breach in a quiet park nearby. 'Adjuchas level,' it whispered before taking off. I scanned the surrounds rapidly and pinpointed its location, before losing it. The thing was mobile, and chasing someone by the speed it was moving. I took to my heels.

When I got to the place I saw a redhead sprawled on the ground and a slim young blond blocking with a blast of kido. Good effort but nowhere near good enough. I wouldn't have time to release and defuse the creature's attack; I sprinted and interposed myself between the hollow and its prey.

The young man fired the spell; the other was deflected from his skull by parrying the strike. The spike tore into my thigh and the pain washed brilliantly white across all my senses.

Gritting my teeth, I stabbed Shinsou forward and ripped that bloody mask apart. The hollow dissipated with barely a struggle, but the thrust of that creature's last attack was powerful. I withdrew Shinsou, vaguely disgusted that I had gotten hurt. Then I registered that it was Renji and Kira who were peering in concern at me.

“You guys really hafta stop getting' into such situations,” I smiled crookedly, before falling onto my back. A red spiky head came into view. Renji nodded at me and the boy ripped my hakama up from the hem to my thigh to better look at the injury.

“How could the hollow have hurt you, sir? You're captain-level!” If anything, he sounded indignant that I had the temerity to get impaled by a hollow's spike.

Time for some Hollow Identification 101.

I tore the fabric up further and examined the wound. It had violet edges. Bastard hollow had poison. “That wasn't just a hollow, Abarai. If I'm not mistaken, that was an adjuchas, a mid-level hollow that had just advanced from gillian state. We're lucky it wasn't a fully-developed adjuchas yet, else we'd have a hell of a fight on our hands.” The wound tingled and then agony stabbed straight into my head. The venom was not numbing, for which I was thankful – if the cells went numb immediately, there was a good chance that I would die before help arrived. “There is poison in the wound. Who's better at shunpo?”

Renji jumped to his feet. “I am, sir. I'll get the fourth to come immediately.”

“Ask for fifth seat and above; the rest won't be able to help.” The redhead sprinted off. He wasn't kidding; he was good at shunpo. I supposed he really was better with his muscles than with his reiatsu control. Then I looked at the nervous blond beside me. “Kira, you're good at kido. Do you recall any healing spells?”

Kira knelt down, relieved that there was something he could do. “Yes sir.”

“Step the bleeding. If necessary, cauterize the wound.” I could feel moisture rolling down my face and knew my body was trying its best to repel the venom. Now my leg was numbing, as if it was falling asleep. “I can hold on for a bit longer, but if you see me nodding off, slap me to keep me awake.”

“Fukutaichou?” he swallowed, not sure what he heard. “Slap you?”

“Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir!” Kira cupped his palms and a golden glow wrapped about his slender hands. I remembered how his left hand looked, covered with fluid, rosy even under moonlight. I was distracted from those pleasant thought when he spoke. “Fukutaichou, tell me something.”

I asked, “What do you want to know?”

“Um,” he apparently had no idea what to say, but was speaking for the sake of it, “what were you doing in this area?”

“I wasn't,” I told him honestly. “I caught the flares of reiatsu, and a hell butterfly told me of the breach. And you were lucky I was moving Shinsou to the third division, or else I would not have my zanpakuto with me.”

I should have drunk something just now; my mouth was very dry.

“What did you have for dinner?” Kira inquired.

“Kind of a random question,” I teased lightly.

“I'm kind of panicking here,” he observed aloud, his hands shaking slightly. I knew first-hand that healing was one of the most demanding on reiatsu control.

The young man needed distracting and I decided to humor his odd question. Except i could barely recall what I did have for dinner, it was so horribly mass-produced. _Oh well, when in doubt, lie._ “I had... udon, with grilled eel. And, um, white fish, and stir-fried vegetables in the Chinese style. Oh, and cold tofu, and... I think I had edamame before I took some sake as a finisher.”

“Where do you put it all?” asked Kira, blue eyes wide. I resisted the urge to ruffle his hair, because sitting up straight would hurt like the blazes. “That's a lot of food.”

“I like to eat. I eat anything too. Benefits... benefits of a Rukongai upbringing – you're only picky about food if you got too much.”

Finally the medics arrived. I closed my eyes, feeling the changeover in reiatsu when Unohana took over the healing process.

She scolded as she prepared to remove the poison from my flesh. “This is careless of you, Ichimaru-fukutaichou. I thought your attack was mid to long-range? Thankfully, this young man here is able to perform basic healing. I'll draw out the poison now.”

I said, somewhat irritably, “I had to intercept the strike, but it was too fast for me. If I had attacked from a distance the two of 'em woulda been slain.”

She didn't say much, but soon the numbing and stinging faded.

xxxxx

xxxxx

When Kira came to the ward, saying that Aizen-sama told him to stay and keep watch over me, I almost swore aloud. Instead I dismissed the blond and rested on the bed.

_Bastard. You can't even come by to see how I am?_

His mental voice was firm and steady, as if he was sitting right in the same room as me and not in the captain's quarters. _:You were acting like a child earlier. I don't want a bedpan tossed in my face in case you were still stuck at that immature stage.:_

I growled mentally at the insult. He chuckled, then added, _:You sent the boy home? I wanted him to stay with you.:_

_I need time alone with my thoughts._

_:This is better, actually. I want to talk to you, and lord knows we never talk properly for long when we see each other.:_

_That's because you jump my bones._

Aizen-sama's tone became innocent. _:Me, jumping your bones? I seem to recall a lot of nights when some Gin who shall remain unnamed climbed in my lap and demanded to be fucked through the nearest available surface.:_

I smiled. Then the expression faded and I tucked another pillow under my head. I missed his arm already. _What do you want to talk about?_

_:You. And your behavior lately.:_

The night was cold and I tucked myself more securely into the blankets, creating a cocoon of warmth. _I've been behaving in what way lately?_

I could just see Aizen-sama's frown. _:Like a petulant child told to leave his favorite stuff behind. You've been riled up over the smallest things. Why is that?:_

 _Were you ever forced to give things up, Aizen-sama?_ I inquired. My fingers tweaked the edges of the blanket.

He mulled over the question. _:Can't say I have.:_

 _Then you wouldn't understand._ I smiled softly. _I_ _am_ _a child, forced to leave behind all the things I know and love. I'm pushed into a role I know I'm ready for, but I don't wish to take yet. I don't want to leave, even while knowing why I had to leave._

_:Sounds complicated.:_

_It's simple, really._

He was curious. _:Enlighten me then, pray.:_

_I act this way because I love you, and the haste with which you are preparing me for my new role feels like you want me out of your life._

Aizen-sama sighed. _:You know that's not true. Besides, we won't be out of each other's lives just because you are moving to a different division.:_

_And we'll have meals together everyday? Meet nightly? Make love regularly?_

_:Well...:_ he hesitated. _:That can be arranged, I suppose, though it would be highly suspicious.:_

Irritated, I rolled over onto my uninjured side. _That was enthusiastic._

_:I'll think of something. I always do.:_

_Arrogant bastard._

_:Whiny clinger.:_

I could feel his amusement rippling through our bond. It was good that we had our old banter back, and somehow I felt better having aired my reflections about the current situation. Still, I reminded him that I had the right to be as spoiled as I was going to be, because he wasn't going to have to pamper me for much longer.

 _:Fine, fine. I see that I won't win against your impeccable logic.:_ He sent a caressing thought that made me grin. _:I might drop in later. What's your ward again?:_

xxxxx

The weight was warm and annoying. I shifted uncomfortably to the right, hoping that whatever was holding my blankets down would get the hint and get the hell off my bed, but no luck. I opened my eyes the barest minimum slits to see who had the temerity to disturb my precious sleep.

No one.

I sighed and stretched my arms above my head. Just then I felt my wrists caught and pulled lower towards my groin.

 _ _Kira's here too, you know,__ I told my visitor/captor. Kira was asleep in the armchair near the door, curled like a cat. I might get a pet someday – he looked so adorable that I wanted him to purr in my lap. Then again, I could also get him to make other sounds while in my lap.

Aizen-sama chuckled faintly. __'I guess you'll just have to be very, very quiet then, won't you?'__

I let my shoulders relax and smiled up at the invisible Aizen-sama. His fingers were running loving strokes down my thighs, over the ugly wound; I willingly opened my mouth to an unseen tongue prising open my lips. He had angled his mouth over mine, and now his hand slid up my belly, pausing to rub a few circles over my lower abdomen before kneading my nipples. I shuddered with pleasure and his mouth pressed kisses over my eyes.

__This is weird, not seeing you and yet feeling you._ _

__'But you're enjoying it.'_ _

__I am. It's strange, that's all._ _

Aizen-sama's invisible hands wandered over my body freely, while I stared up at the ceiling, mouth partly open and breathing slowly. I could smell him; his scent heat dominated my senses. Carefully he rolled me onto my uninjured side and I gazed ahead, my eyes lidded. Kira was still and motionless in the chair, his breathing steady and his fingers lax.

 _ _Someone is watching,__ I sang, quietly amused.

He licked my ear, nibbling on the shell and lobe. I fisted my hands in the blankets, not-so-casually causing the fabric to almost fall to the floor. I took my erection in my hands, all the while aware of Aizen-sama's heated breath and skilled tongue around my ear and his larger hand wrapping around mine. He moved our hands together and I threw my head back against his shoulder that cradled me.

__'I want to hear your voice, Gin.'_ _

Complying, I moaned, "Taichou. Taichou."

 _ _'Good.'__ He was very careful not to mark me, and I angled my hips so that I could spread my legs more comfortably. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed movement in the chair and again I sighed for Aizen-sama. His grip altered and added a slight twist to my stroking hands. The spike in pleasure dragged a ragged groan from deep inside and I ached for his heat. He knew it and pressed his arousal into the small of my back. His other hand, which had probably been busy as well, traced the tattoo on my back. I wriggled as best as I could backwards and then fingers slipped down. I was glad of the hospital robe and then tugged the blankets more securely about myself.

 _ _'He's so very infatuated with you.'__ Aizen-sama's tone was admiring and derisive. As he circled my opening with his slick finger and carefully dipped in, my eyes remained fixed on Kira. The young man was definitely awake, all tensed up and probably aroused to aching point, and yet desperately trying to pretend he was asleep. Aizen-sama's mouth was trailing a wet path down my spine and I arched in response, crying out softly when his fingers breached my body.

The next thrust of his digits earned a throatier moan, and I knew Kira had to swallow to wet his mouth.

 _ _I know how we can get the rest to believe our act,__ I told Aizen-sama while I trembled and stiffened with each brush over my prostate. My hands moved faster and my knees curled up, before the heat in my groin snapped from the coiled tension wound up with every teasing caress and careful stroke.

And from the small whimper Kira uttered, I knew I had him. Now I just had to maneuver him to where I want him.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	76. 76.

I limped out of the hospital with the aid of Abarai. It had been nearly impossible to remove all traces of the hollow's poison. Even now it stung a little, the remnants of the venom too hard to purge from individual cells. Unohana-taichou had reassured me that it would pass out of my system in two days, and it would also do me some good to rest my abused muscles.

“You're on leave for the next four days, Gin,” Aizen-sama said via a hell butterfly. “I'll send someone to help you with the necessities at home.”

“I don't need anyone,” I said.

“Gin,” said Aizen-sama placatingly. “I have to go to the conference. I am the keynote speaker and I cannot just leave. Please understand-”

“No, you don't understand. I don't _need_ any one.” I scowled fiercely and the butterfly fluttered off.

Unohana-taichou was too busy to check on me one last time before I checked out, and the sixth seat they sent was too intimidated by me to do a thorough check.

Abarai was too tall; I kept falling to the other side. I stopped and turned. Kira's blue eyes widened and he gulped. “F-fukutaichou.”

“How about you?” I asked.

“Yes fukutaichou.” He didn't dare to meet my eyes, but came up beside me, pulling my arm over his thin but firm shoulders. I noted the blush that started over his nose when my hair brushed his cheek, and the slight trembling he couldn't hide as our thighs brushed together.

xxxxx

The fact that I shared the captain's rooms was common knowledge. That my own room was almost spartan was not. We were currently in favor of the austere, and our luxuries had already been shifted to our rooms in Las Noches. The boy didn't know, of course, and his eyes widened to see the plain furnishings.

Kira maneuvered me into the bedroom, and laid me out on the futon that he unrolled. The pain danced up my leg when I stood up wrong and my vision blurred for a second. Then a calm warmth washed over my limbs. I sighed as Kira removed my sandals and socks.

“Where are my meds?” I asked, lying on the mattress. It felt so comfortable I was tempted to just fall asleep. “I'm supposed to put on the healing salve.”

“Here, fukutaichou.” He was pink now, as if he had been drinking. “Could I, um. Could I roll up the hakama so I can, um... I mean, it's hard for you to apply these without further jarring the wound and I'm, I'm here to, um... I-I'm sorry, I just keep babbling...”

“Don't worry about it.” I propped myself on my forearms. “Help me out of the hakama.”

Kira opened and closed his mouth. No words came.

“What, shy now?” I teased. “Just undo the knots and I'll shuffle them off. It'll be easier than rolling it up, and I can change out of my clothes into my sleeping robe faster.”

He nodded, the blush deepening across the bridge of his nose. I grinned semi-wickedly, and stifled the cry of pain when he slipped the thick fabric off my legs.

“Oh dear gods,” he muttered as he caught sight of the jagged scar beneath the bandage. “Oh gods... Fukutaichou, I'm so sorry we led to this.”

I touched his hand. “There's no need to worry, Kira, I'll heal.” He glanced at me, clearly embarrassed by the affection in my tone. I smiled and ordered, “Get me a warm towel. We'll have to clean away the sweat before putting anything on.”

He obeyed hastily. As the warm and damp fabric soothed the pain away I let my smile drain. It really hurt. Kira waited on a seat beside me. “I'm sorry we got you into this, fukutaichou.”

“It's alright, Kira,” I said quietly. “You weren't in the wrong. It was just bad luck, that's all. Besides, you were really brave, facing off the hollow.”

I winced when he rubbed too hard and he apologized again. We sat silently for a few moments, me trying not to admit the pain while he tried to keep his eyes fixed on the fearsome mark on my skin.

Then, with a deep breath, he asked timidly, “Fukutaichou... is this worth it? To be a shinigami?”

“Yes, Kira, it is,” I whispered. “I have dedicated my life to all this. Aizen-taichou showed me what I can be, and I will become what he wished for me to become. He gave me a goal in my life. I will fulfill it.”

The next rub was far too firm and I squeezed my eyes shut. The things I do to secure the affections of a blond. Said blond was seated too close and yet too far from me, and it was too soon for me to make an overt move.

I didn't need to.

Daringly he took the little finger of my right hand. I opened one eye and enveloped his hand, and Kira wrapped his other hand around mine. He grasped my hand tightly, not looking at me, and then muttered something too soft to be heard.

“What, Kira?” I pressed.

“I... I want to help you,” he repeated quickly, now blushing fiercely. “You've been taking care of me since, no, before I came to the fifth division. I want to help you to achieve what you wish to achieve.”

I stroked his cheek tenderly. “That's very sweet of you, Kira.”

He smiled, embarrassed. My fingers fluttered over his face, then pushed his chin up so I could look at the brilliant sapphire eyes. Such glittering lovelies... I wanted them to burn within, like that afternoon in the dojo.

I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep, aware that he sat beside me for a long while after.

xxxxx

When he came in after work the next day I was applying salve to my leg again. The stings were fading into itches: not much of an improvement.

“Fukutaichou, I brought dinner.” He waited at the door until I waved him in. I waved him down to make himself comfortable. He took the meal and put it on the side table. “What happened at work today, Kira?”

“Oh, n-nothing special,” he said. “But uh, Aizen-taichou asked me to inquire if you need anything.”

“I don't,” I replied. At his worried expression, I added, “But I understand if he wants you to check on me. It's fine.”

He smiled and blushed again, his oddly canted eyes fixed on the floor. I tilted his chin up again. He was so confident with his peers, but before me he was always so timid and afraid. I wondered why – I was never like that with Aizen-sama. But Kira was very different from me.

“Kira, will you get me a drink and my chopsticks please?”

Immediately he scurried to the kitchen. I sat back, knowing my old gray robe was a little frayed along the hem, and fell open far too invitingly. I widened the gap a little more to show my abdomen. When he returned his eyes flashed to my chest and then back to my smiling face. There was a quick swallowing and his face reddened.

He really was too cute, I realized, wanting to test how much he could blush. But I didn't wish to initiate anything with him; I wanted to let Kira decide. After all, all his decisions thus far had been to my benefit.

Kira was opening the package and telling me about the latest quarterly newsletter from the lieutenants. “...but Aizen-taichou said you can read it when you get back to the office, so I couldn't bring it to you,” he finished.

He looked so demure and yet animated, fingers fluttering while giving small details and reporting trivialities. My mind wandered from his words to the pink lips moving. I had seen him annoyed at Abarai before – that mouth had pressed into a thin line, those sapphire-blue eyes glinting with irritation a sufficient deterrent for the redhead to stop his nonsense.

What would it be like for him to beg with that mouth? To plead for something only I could give? For the lips to be kissed and ravished until they were swollen and bruised with need? For his eyes not to glitter but to glimmer with emotion and tears? For him to weep, to scream with completion and desire?

When he finally met my gaze he was startled. “F-fukutaichou?”

“Hrmm?” I shook myself from my observations. “No problem. I'll just read it later.”

“Um... is there anything else I can do?”

I munched slowly. “Well, you'll need to help me in something quite... personal later. I can't quite walk to the bathroom to wash up – I keep thinking I will fall over – so can you, uh, support me there?”

Kira blinked, then looked at the fair hands in his lap. Then he nodded quickly.

I smiled. “Come on, let's have dinner together.”

He ate neatly and almost quaintly: finishing one side dish before starting on another. I took some fish from my plate and gave it to him. He pinked again, and I was amused by how easily he responded.

xxxxx

As it turned out he wasn't _that_ shy. Although he tried to hide it, his gaze traversed the length of my body a few times even as he lowered me into the bath. He had seen me naked before at the common bathhouse in the division, as well as that night in the hospital ward (even if he'd rather die than admit it), but he had yet to have his fill, it seemed. He had muttered a garbled apology for staring and dashed out the door.

As I scrubbed my arms, I wondered if he would ever pluck up the courage to try anything with me. But that was asking a lot; he was only a rookie after all. But I hadn't been that much older when I approached Aizen-sama.

He had to haul me out of the water when I was done. The boy was very adept at using his reiatsu to bolster his strength. He placed me delicately on the bed, as if afraid to damage something fragile.

“I'm not breakable, Kira,” I chided as he covered me with a blanket. “There's no need to be so gentle.”

“I-I just didn't want to jar your injuries, fukutaichou.”

I leaned back on the pillows and tapped him on his nose. “I'm not exactly an invalid, Kira. These are merely inconveniences, not real injuries. I need your help because I'm too sore, that's all.”

He just smiled shyly and settled on the chair beside the bed. I invited him to take the other side of the large futon.

“Wha- I can't, I couldn't possibly...”

“You turn any redder I'm going to call you Cherry Izuru.” I patted the empty left side. “You slept in the chair last night. I bet you have a stiff neck and aching shoulders today, didn't you?”

“B-but...”

“I'm not going to eat you, Kira. If you're staying here to watch over me, then at least be comfortable.”

He didn't dare to meet my teasing gaze, but scuttled over to the other side and slid in. He remained on the far edge though.

“I told you,” I repeated, a shade irritated, “I'm not going to eat you. Come closer so you can at least talk to me.”

Gingerly he shifted, until I could feel his warmth beside me. “Much better,” I remarked. “So, Kira Izuru, what do you hope to achieve in the Fifth?”

“I want to be... to be like you. A lieutenant to a captain I admire.”

I pouted. “You're trying to take my job from me?”

“No! No, I mean...” He was flustered, and my heart skipped. This one was a real find. Tousen can have Hisagi – the boy had been so much fun before the Academy had turned into a real bore – but Kira... Sweet, demure, innocent, pretty Kira. Out of the quartet we 'rescued', this young shinigami had been the only one to catch my eye: his fear, his courage, and later on his commitment to becoming stronger. It had been his cry of terror that caught my heart, but now I was hungry for his cries of pleasure.

“I mean... I want to be a lieutenant to...” his voice faded to an inaudible whisper.

I leaned closer. “To whom, Kira?”

“To... to you, the captain of the third.”

I was surprised by the firmness of his tone. Looking into his face beside me I observed the gentle, almost feminine features, but also the strength in his jaw, and the steady gaze of his canted eyes. And the red of his blush was fading already... I thought carefully how to reinstate the adorable pink tint.

“You barely know me, Kira.” I angled myself closer, and I knew my thigh _just_ touched his knee. I pressed closer, and suddenly the blush was back in its full glory.

He stammered, trying to find the words. “I-I-I don't know how to say things... I don't, um... I'm not good with words... fukutaichou, I mean... in all our interactions you've always been so kind and, and I see the pride you take in helping taichou, and I wanna be like that, but I-I-I don't know if I can. I promise I will try my best and you won't be disappointed if... not that you _have_ to have me as a lieutenant, of course...”

His rambling stutters clearly exasperating himself, Kira bent over and gave me a tentative kiss on my lips. It held for a beat, his lips firmer than I imagined, touching but not pressing on mine. The kisses I shared with Aizen-sama had seldom been chaste and innocent, and somehow I felt a tender pain from the back of my throat.

_Can I go through with this?_

_Can I really use and abuse his loyalty and devotion?_

My smile disappeared as he pulled away. He looked at my unsmiling face and his turned a deep crimson. “I- I'm sorry, I'll go. I, um... I'll go. I'll leave now.”

“Wait.” I took his hand that was lying between us. “Don't go. Stay. Stay here, with me.”

_I can._

_I will._

_This is going to be **fun.**_

He trembled, but didn't face me. The hand I held captive trembled and I stroked it tenderly, finger by finger, tracing the fragile bones. His digits curled, and I pushed my thumb into the center on his palm and rubbed firm circles in it. So warm... what would it be like to have that beautiful hand on my cock?

_Come on. Respond. Respond to me, pretty Kira. Like you did that evening in the forest. Like when you kissed me just now._

I shifted, trying to get him to look at me, when a sudden jolt of pain shot up my thigh and I hissed with surprise. I had almost pulled my stitches. Kira turned to me immediately and asked, “Where does it hurt? What's wrong?”

_Well that worked._

I breathed out with a shaky laugh. “Nothing, just... just caught unawares.” Then I placed a hand on his cheek. “As I was caught unawares just now by you.”

He tried to withdraw, but was rooted. My hand fell away, and I placed it on the covers between us. He wouldn't leave: I knew my gaze pinned him to the spot. “I'm not gonna lie, Kira. I want you. I love Aizen-taichou, but for some unfathomable reason I want you.”

His eyes widened at the confession.

“So do I,” he murmured brokenly. Then his eyes shut and he began trembling, his arms wrapping about himself. I pulled him into my embrace, tucking his head against my neck.

“I can't help it,” he whispered. “I'm not supposed to, I have Shuuhei. I have Shuu, and he loves me. But, you're... you're Ichimaru Gin... when you're around every other thing just fades to nothing. And I _have_ to see you. I can't help it, I can't. And Shuuhei _knows_ that; he hates that I have to see you and care about you-”

“Can you help kissing me?” I asked softly, moving closer. His breath was shallow as he looked up and into my eyes. Aizen-sama mentioned before the blue-green color of my eyes could captivate anyone I wished, and thus I had to use my weapon carefully. He was right too. Kira was transfixed. I whispered, “I want you to want to kiss me. The way I want to kiss you. Do you want to?”

“I-I do.” His lashes flickered and then he closed his eyes. “I do want to. I want you; I want you.”

I leaned in. “Kiss me now.”

He gulped, nervous. Gradually, hesitantly, he moved closer and his lips touched mine again, just barely brushing skin against skin. I shut my eyes, savoring the innocence of this boy's kiss, then slowly I pressed for more, a hand holding the back of his head, my face slanting for greater access. He was soft – very soft, and warm, and sweet as vanilla. My hand moved to his face again, and this time he held it there with his own.

We parted on a long sigh. Very hesitantly he pushed his hands into the robe I wore, and my arms slipped out of the sleeves willingly. Then I reached around him, drawing his slim body closer to my own. But there was a tension in his shoulders.

“What is it, Kira?”

“M-may I?” he whispered fearfully. “Can I?”

He was afraid of Aizen-sama. Perhaps of Hisagi. “Trust me. I will keep you safe, Kira.”

As he caressed my skin, my lips glided to his neck. I sucked gently on his fair skin, enjoying the soft moans I was eliciting from him. He didn't try to do anything other than strip me to my waist; still too aware of my injuries.

_Aizen-sama would be pinning my arms to the bed by now, thrusting into me slowly, waiting for the moment when I would beg him to hurt me a little bit more, waiting for me to curl more into him, waiting for me to be begging for him to take me just that much harder, to have the tang of blood and pain and pleasure mingling..._

I turned my thoughts from my lover; I wanted to enjoy this... this virgin offering. Perhaps virginal; I had no idea if he was as innocent as he looked. Had Hisagi taught him anything? Or perhaps Hisagi had kept his hands to himself like the gentleman he was pretending to be? They were intimates, but how intimate?

Kira was incredibly tender, incredibly fearful; I felt his hands swim hesitantly over my arms, over my ribs, sliding to my clothed hips. He remained on my side, not willing to go further despite his obvious desire. The ragged gasp as I rubbed my palm between his legs was proof he was in some discomfort. I smiled into our kiss, slipping my hand into his hakama.

“I'm not breakable, Kira,” I whispered as I stroked him. “I'm not fragile. We can do this.”

“But I want...I just want this to be perfect,” he murmured as I played with his length. “Fukutaichou, tha-that... please. Please.”

I repeated the action, fingers moving a little faster. “Then what would be perfect?”

Kira's breathing stopped, although I felt his heart pounding. Very, very slowly he shook his head. “I don't know. I've not... I've had only the one lover. And he's... he's always on top.” He was totally red by the time he finished the statement and I grinned soothingly at his discomfiture.

_So he has slept with Hisagi before. Hmm... wonder how it went._

“We don't have to. We're still too new with each other.”

“You sure he'll be alright with this, fukutaichou?” The boy thought too much. Was he referring to Aizen-sama or Hisagi? Did I really care?

“No, I'm not sure, but I know I am,” I whispered. “Forget about him. He's not here. I am. Show me what you know, Kira. We can work from there.”

I turned on my side, exposing my bare back to him. He gulped timidly before kissing the back of my neck, then buried his lips within my hair. His hands moved down from my collarbone to my chest, skimming over cool skin, and I shivered with pleasure. Strong, eager hands dipped past the belt. I loosened it and I felt him groan as his hands were encouraged to explore lower. I moaned deep in my throat as he curled tighter about me and his hands worked to please me.

His concentrated efforts to ease me and relax me were working; I realized he was still young, and not experienced as he had earlier admitted, but there was a thrillingly erotic innocence to his soft gasp when I reached around and touched him. He never stopped moving his fingers, digits dancing and caressing, exploring me. I groaned encouragingly as my arousal hardened under his tentative ministrations. He was as eager as I was, pressing close to me. After he slipped his fingers out from between my thighs I twisted about to kiss him.

He was gleaming with perspiration in the faint light, his blond hair hanging before his eyes like a veil. Fine, sun-golden hair... the texture was very similar to mine. It fascinated me. No wonder my lovers all liked to play with my hair. Running my hands lightly along his ribs until his lean hips, I commanded softly, “Kiss me again.”

He did, tender lips brushing over my upper lip. One of my hands reached up to pull him closer and he whimpered as I forced his mouth open with my tongue. The whimper turned into a groan when I rolled and curled and pushed into him. I added more pressure to the kiss; he practically pleaded to continue when I pulled away.

“Shhh,” I placed a finger on his mouth, and he kissed it. Then, with a quick smile and a demurely coy glance, he licked it and then sucked on it, taking his time with the fleshy pad of each joint. I moved closer to him, ignoring the aches of my bruised muscles.

Kira shifted a leg over me, carefully avoiding my injured thigh, and I grunted softly with the warm weight. His erection rubbed against my hip, and he trembled before pulling himself closer to my body. I cringed as his thigh pressed too hard into a particularly sore spot. He started to apologize but I silenced him with another deep kiss.

“No more apologies,” I warned. Then I softened the admonition with a lick along his neck. “Touch me now.”

He swallowed, then began stroking me anew. His initial attempts were clumsy until I gave him some muttered directions, and then he began to gain more confidence. My words faded out, and my back arched as his shifted his body over mine. I spread my legs, positioning my hurt leg elsewhere. Then my eyes closed, letting Kira explore his vice-captain freely, his hips rolling into mine with a vengeance, his hands skimming the surface of my chest and arms.

When I felt the coiled heat low in my gut about to snap, I tried to warn him. But one look at the young man grinding against me shut me up. Whatever I had been about to say died in my throat. His glittering gaze had turned from naive eagerness to darkened lust, and I desperately wanted him to see his own change in demeanor. And then my vision blurred and I heard his soft cry, the heat of our bodies now mixed with the smell of our come splashed and smeared between our thrashing bodies.

When I felt more like myself I tilted his face up to kiss him. I was still trying to find my tongue, but he was already blushing to the roots of his hair. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, and he was trembling slightly. There was a dampness that was not from my sweat. I inclined my head.

“Kira?”

“Fukutaichou... I'm sorry, I-I just... ” He nodded, and his blond hair stuck to my cheeks. I waited until he was finally relaxed enough to let me look at his face. Kira curled against me, suddenly very young and innocent again. I shut away the pain in my leg, aware that the I would probably pull the stitches with my reckless indulgence of desire. More pressing matters now: there was guilt all over his fair face. He looked so vulnerable, wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes and soft, swollen lips, that I had to hug him.

I asked, brushing the damp from his cheeks. “Kira... it's alright, it's alright. Shh. Do stop crying now.”

He sniffed. “What happens if... what if he finds out?”

“Shhh... he won't. He won't find out a thing. And if he does, I'll handle everything. You'll be safe, Kira. I'll keep you safe, Kira.”

“But it's my fault, it's my fault, I shouldn't have... fukutaichou, I'm so sorry, I'm weak and... I'm sorry...” he was crying now, anguish rocking his frame. “I'm sorry, fukutaichou... I know you love him, and yet I still... oh gods... and Shuuhei, Shuuhei will be so hurt, I can't – how do I look him in th-the eye now? He loves me, he loves me and I... I don't, I don't, oh gods...”

I soothed him, patting his back, stroking his hair. “Kira, look at me.” When he didn't react I insisted again. “Look at me, Izuru.”

The use of his name surprised him into looking up. He blinked away the tears, a few hiccuped sniffles,and the few glistening drops that clung to his long lashes looked like pearls.

“Kira, what just happened between us was not your fault. Izuru, I'm with you,” I reassured him. “Now rest. Hush. Trust me. I will keep you safe.”

He nodded and sniffed damply. I kissed his brow and swept his hair from his eyes, murmuring, “My pretty Kira. Rest well.”

Having someone so trusting snuggled in my embrace was quite comfortable, I realized. No wonder Aizen-sama was loath to give me up. His hitched breathing smoothed into long, even breaths,and I drifted into dreamless sleep with his warmth tucked against me.

 


	77. 77.

Kira had fled before I woke up. Rude, that. Still, the morning was not a loss: Aizen-sama was there with breakfast. He put it aside and came to the bed. “Did you?” he asked immediately, not even kissing me good morning.

“Did I what?” I replied, my smile widening. Of course I did. He had been so responsive, it was impossible to halt once I started. He knew, too, and tugged me into an embrace that took half my breath away. I inhaled his scent; maybe I can get Mayuri to bottle and sell it as perfume, though that might lead to me having a semi-permanent hard-on all the time. “This is nice.”

He shucked out of his coat and grinned at me. “Don't change the topic. Did you?”

I nodded, pleased by his interest. He laughed and kissed me, his mouth sliding over my lips and exploring inside. He tasted of tea; he had broken fast already. I clung to him, pushing the top half of his uniform off. The warmth of his skin was what I needed, not food, not drink. His lips trailed from my forehead over my cheeks and down my neck, settling on my shoulder. I felt the nip of teeth when he asked how it was.

“You're digging for gossip,” I scolded. “And that's not very appealing.”

“So what would be appealing?”

Sneaky hands: he had tugged my robe down, trapping my arms and baring my chest. His hands skated over my back, leaving tingles in their wake. Then fingers pressed into my muscles. At the first bit of pressure I jolted, then relaxed into his massage.

I hummed happily, leaning over so his face was a breath from mine. “Begging can be _such_ a turn on,” I murmured.

His eyes darkened and the friendly smile altered subtly into a dangerously seductive one. He darted forward, almost catching my lower lip in his teeth. “You're proposing to do so?”

It would be fun... It had been a long time since we played like that. “Fine. I have the coats and we do have some stuff gathering dust.” My fingers drew little circles on the back of his neck and he shivered. “And since you're here... visiting... me, I doubt anyone would take it amiss that you're not at the office punctually.”

He shifted his hips and I grinned. He liked the idea, that was obvious. “The coats would require too much time, lover,” he said, a hint of regret in his voice. “But you're all stiff. Let me ease up those muscles and bones, hmm?”

“Mmm.” I stretched languidly. “That would be heavenly.”

“You're trying to tempt me,” Aizen-sama accused, his eyes alight with good-humor and lust. His thumbs and index fingers rolled my nipples into hard nubs and my breathing quickened. With a crooked smile I shoved him down and straddled him, grinding my erection into his, the fabric between us an erotic barrier. Carefully taking his wrists and pinning them to the mattress, I lowered my mouth and flattened my tongue over his left nipple. The catch in his breathing was all the signal I needed to continue my ministrations.

After laving both his nipples with some care, I whispered hoarsely, “I have to try?”

Aizen-sama's reply was to roll me over.

xxxxx

The rest of the day was uneventful. Kira was avoiding me; it was Abarai who delivered lunch and dinner. I did not blame the blond; if I did not misunderstand his ramblings last night, he had not broken his ties to Hisagi Shuuhei yet, and he was now involved with me.

I wasn't sure if I wanted a guilt-ridden Kira. It would ruin any pleasure he could bring. I sighed and let my head roll back. It seemed I would have to work with Tousen Kaname if I wished to secure Kira Izuru.

Part of me wished I could have both of them. Kira Izuru's dual-natured innocent/cruel personality and Hisagi's noble raggedness were fascinating. I filled out some forms that Aizen-sama had brought home for me to work on – that man was a slave-driver when it came to work – but my mind was on other, more pleasant pursuits.

It would be fun, certainly, having both Hisagi and Kira, but I knew I would prefer having the blond. Hisagi was not as entertaining, somehow. He was good, and eager, and hungry for recognition. There really wasn't much else to be said for the young man. Whereas Kira...

_He would fit in the third._

Something about him screamed of despair and hopelessness. Perhaps the oddly angled eyes. There was a seriousness to his features that would be taken for melancholy by many people, if not for that occasional mischievous half-smile. And that dark, lustful, fiery gaze I had caught that night... I smiled widely.

Humming to myself, I planned carefully.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was by my bedside when I woke up.

“Hey,” I said, rolling over and stretching. “What time is it?”

“Eight,” said Aizen-sama. “You slept early today.”

I blinked sleepily. “I took and nap and overdid it. How was your day?”

“Good.” He stroked my fringe from my eyes, all the while smiling tenderly down at me. “I spent the day with Ukitake-san. He is a very nice person.”

“Yes, he is,” I agreed and purred as his hand caressed my cheek and down past my jaw. As his fingers brushed over my Adam's apple and gently clasped my neck, he asked, “Gin, would you mind if I find myself a plaything too?”

My lashed fluttered shut as his grip flexed and relaxed. He knew this was always the surefire way to get me to answer honestly. “I mind.” His fingers tightened; my pulse raced. The grip loosened. “I mind, but I think you know who to pick so I wouldn't mind as much.”

His hand tightened again and my vision blurred when I opened my eyes. I tried to breathe. My eyes rolled back and I could feel the edges of blackness before his hand released me and blessed air rushed into my lungs.

My fingers were already clawed into Aizen-sama's sleeves, and his dark gaze was already transmuted from the appearance of the gentle captain to the future king and god. I panted, aware that my fingers were cramping with effort from trying to remove themselves, and the pounding of my heart.

I smiled up at him. “I love you.”

“I know,” he replied, placing a chaste kiss on my brow. “I'll take a bath before I join you.”

Sitting on my elbows, I studied my captain as he shed his clothes. I loved his back, the way the muscles moved across it. He had not a single scar, though I knew it was because he had healed each of them. My lover hated showing weakness. Even to me, he only revealed part of his vulnerability, and for that I wished I was stronger, so he could feel safe removing that shield he put about himself.

He returned shortly, skin bronze in the the lamplight. I grinned wickedly as he straddled me and tugged my belt off. “I thought we were supposed to be distancing ourselves,” I remarked, shrugging out of my clothes.

“I think you and I both know that is a steaming pile of bovine waste matter,” he said, removing his glasses and then swooping in to kiss me. There was an urgency this time and I wondered who had riled him. Or perhaps aroused him; with Aizen-sama, it wasn't always easy to tell.

I responded eagerly, heart still pounding from the earlier play, and his skin was silken fire to the touch. “You're a bully,” I informed him as I pressed soft kisses along his jaw. “You just wanted to get your own way.”

“I did?” he smiled at me, clever hands seeking out familiar erogenous zones. “I hadn't realized.”

“Liar.”

He rubbed his nose along my neck before nipping my ear. “I am?”

“You are,” I affirmed, and he laughed before biting down on the junction of my neck and shoulder, and I surrendered into the freefalling abyss.

xxxxx

I returned to work shortly, and the first matter of the day was the lessons at the Academy. Matsumoto and I exchanged roles – she took the practical, I the theory. There wasn't much to be said, merely a verbal test of what they had learned previously.

Kira was avoiding me. His blue gaze darted left, down, to his hands, trying not to meet my own hidden one. I wondered if he had been avoiding his friends too, and when Hisagi returned tomorrow, would Kira avoid him?

_I will guarantee that he does._

I strolled nonchalantly through the lesson, throwing out a few comments here and there to correct their understanding. Abarai's reiatsu was steady and stronger, I noticed; he must have been training. Good boy, that one. Perhaps he could be of use.

Matsumoto called for an end to the day's activities after the usual sparring practice. “Go home. Next week is the written test and after that, the practical.”

There was a groan and I twitched my grin wider. The universal sigh of despair regarding exams had not changed from the days Matsumoto and I slaved over our books in the Academy. We exchanged a quick smile. At least the paper had been set; there were a few alterations to be made, but otherwise we were prepared.

After we dismissed them, I made sure to catch up to Kira. I took his left arm and swiveled him about to face me. His eyes widened and he jolted, as if ready to take flight, but my hand on his bicep restrained him as surely as a steel chain. I stood close but not coming into contact. “I need your assistance, Kira.”

“I... Maybe someone else could help you better than I can, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.” He stared at the ground, swallowing nervously. His erratic pulse was evident at the base of his throat.

I tilted my head. “Are you rejecting my command, Kira Izuru?”

He shut his eyes. “No, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

“Good,” I said with a grin. “Come by to the third division in an hour's time. Oh, wear comfortable attire. You're helping me clean up the place.” I patted his fair head. “You're the only one I trust to handle my belongings outside of the captain, and I can't possibly ask him to play housemaid, can I?”

He shook his head and drew his shoulders in. “No you can't.” Then he remembered and added, “Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

I sauntered off. “I will see you there.”

xxxxx

Kira was there on the dot. I had changed out of shinigami uniform to a deep blue yukata, and was fanning myself idly. It was too warm for physical exertion.

The blond was in a dusty brown yukata. “Ichimaru-fukutaichou. How may I assist?”

“Follow me.” I got up and led the way into my quarters. Rinbayashi's effects had long been shifted out and discarded, and I had indulged in brand new bedroom furniture. Becoming captain had its perks.

Kira didn't balk on entering my bedroom, though he did cast a few apprehensive glances behind at me whenever he thought I wasn't paying attention. I chivvied him about, fussing over placement of coat hangers and floor lamps and the handful of photographs I owned. As he finished the last hanging of a calligraphy scroll – by Aizen-sama, naturally, and the haiku from Matsuo Basho – I stretched and ambled over to hug Kira.

He stiffened and gently disengaged himself. Clearing his throat and failing to hide his reddening cheeks, Kira pretended to examine the scroll. “ _In the cicada's cry / No sign can foretell / How soon it must die._ ” He paused. “That doesn't sound too encouraging, Ichimaru-fukutaichou.”

“This is the third division, Kira,” I said quietly. He turned to look at me, surprised at my serious tone. “The insignia is of a marigold. Do you know what it represents?”

He knew, of course, this being part of the introductory curriculum. “It represents despair, fukutaichou.”

“It is the despair generated by war, by conflict, by death, that people avoid death,” I told the earnest blond. My smile altered to a rueful one. “You are too young to have been deployed to Hiroshima and Nagasaki... You would have understood better, had you been there.”

“I saw video clips.”

“It would not have captured the sense of helplessness that pervaded the atmosphere,” I said. “The stench of melted bodies. The far-off screams and the madness of souls that had been untimely ripped from their bodies. The babies, Kira, the children... if you had seen them... I never hated human cruelty and ignorance until that one mission.”

“You... hate them?”

“Yes.” I could not help the hardening of my voice. “I despise them.”

Kira lowered his gaze. I touched his chin with my fingers and he obligingly tilted his chin up. There was fear in the blue eyes, fear and something I could not name. My fingers slid from his chin to his lips, dusting over the lower one. His lashes fluttered, as if mesmerized by the contact.

“Kira.”

He blinked. “Yes, fukutaichou?”

I smiled and brushed his cheek with my knuckles. “Do you still wish to be my lieutenant?”

“... more than anything,” he admitted after a lengthy silence. “More than anything.”

“Then you must graduate with highest honors, and choose the fourth division.”

The instructions were incongruous. He frowned, puzzled. “I... I don't understand.”

“You don't have to,” I informed him, venturing nearer to kiss him on the brow. “Just obey, if you want to become my lieutenant. All you need to do is listen and obey. That is the lieutenant I need.”

“Fourth division?” he asked, hypnotized by my fingertips ghosting over his skin.

I smiled and nuzzled his jawline. “Highest honors, fourth division,” I reiterated. “Listen and obey, Kira.”

He surrendered to the kisses I trailed down his face, and just as my mouth moved over his lips, I heard him murmur, “Yes, taichou.”

 


	78. 78.

After the blond youth left the Third Division, I spent the rest of the time re-setting the passwords to the database of shinigami personnel information. Utagawa briefed me on the current organizational structure and assorted information – the disciplinary division, the mentoring program, the duty roster...

“Utagawa, my brain can only hold that much at one go,” I interrupted when he launched into the minutiae of storehouse usage procedures. “We'll continue tomorrow.”

“As you wish, taichou,” he said, bowing.

I was surprised by his lack of antagonism, but since I took the captaincy Utagawa had been very cooperative. Perhaps it was also due, in part, to the training I was giving him with regards to bankai. I doubted he could ever make it to manifesting his sword's spirit in the real world; the man had a mental block about things belonging to where they were supposed to be. Probably Rinbayashi-sensei had seen that too, which was why she did not bother.

I'd rather he used his energy elsewhere.

As I cleaned up the room, I picked up a silver locket. Kira's chain had broken, probably when he was climbing up and down the stepladder to place my precious scrolls (all gifts from Aizen-sama). I decided to keep it for now and pass it to him when I wanted a moment alone with him.

Occasionally I would feel a tinge of guilt over the way I treated my snacks. Only a twinge, of course; they weren't worth more than that.

I also knew why I kept sampling the offers: Aizen-sama never showed more than detached amusement at the range of shinigami and non-shinigami that would come to me, sometimes timidly, often boldly. I could never imitate that aloofness though, when it came to the propositions for Aizen-sama.

He was mine alone.

The bodies were never found, thanks to the hollows that could come at my beck and call. This way I did not have to risk leaving my reiatsu signature.

Still, as I slid the doors closed, I realized I was feeling guilty towards Kira. That boy was so trusting that I had actually restrained myself from plundering that trust. It was... disconcerting. I never held myself back when I enjoyed the offers from various other individuals, and most knew better than to come to me for a second time.

Kira's tightly-shut lids, those slightly-parted pink lips, and the lily-white skin that flushed so adorably under my hands... and the soft moans, hesitant in uttering more than a choked gasp. He was sweet and innocent and demandingly eager, very different from my lover.

If Aizen-sama was the hawthorne, the wood of which producing the strongest and fiercest flame (I chuckled quietly, deciding to share that bit – with my own modification, naturally – with my captain), then Kira was the calla lily, elegantly-shaped and possessing its own unpretentious beauty.

“Kira Izuru,” I murmured the name, feeling the syllables click and then slide over my palate. “Pretty Kira.” Then I shut my eyes and smiled, tasting the promise on the tip of my tongue.

The walk back would not take long, but it was too warm. I ducked into a tea shop and waited to be served. Leaning back against the cool plaster wall, I closed my eyes again (not that most people could tell). _Aizen-sama?_

 _'Gin?'_ He was preoccupied with something; his mental tone was distracted. _'What is it?'_

No time for flirting then. _Could you get Tousen to pull Hisagi Shuuhei back to Seireitei?_

Aizen-sama took less than ten seconds to understand my ploy. _'You are a cruel, cruel man, Ichimaru Gin.'_

_You know you love me like that._

_'I'll go one better.'_ Aizen-sama's mind thrummed with approval. _'When?'_

 _Around noon when I pick out plants for my office from the Academy greenhouse._ I tapped my fingers against my thigh and counted. _Tomorrow if possible, the day after if necessary. Kira is going back for some extra-credit duties, I hear._

Someone was at the office door on his end. ' _I'll get back to you on this.'_

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was in a contemplative mood when he returned, and only nodded absently when I indicated that his bath was ready. Something was eating at him.

Having been his lover for so long, I knew better than to ask him what was bothering him. He shook out of his captain's robe, leaving it a pile on the floor. I frowned; the issue must be rather serious. As he got ready for his evening bath, I went into the bathroom and got the towels ready.

He stepped soundlessly behind me, his arms sliding about my waist. “Hey.”

“Welcome home,” I said with a soft smile. “Water's still warm.”

“Mmm...” He nuzzled into my neck. “Scrub my back, will you?”

I slapped his thigh playfully. “You always tell me not to. Why the change of heart?”

“I'm ticklish,” he protested with a short chuckle. “But I want to feel your hands on me also.”

“Oh, I'm sure of _that_ ,” I drawled and then pecked him on the corner of his mouth. Then I pushed him lightly on his shoulder. “Go sit.”

He liked being scrubbed, actually. However, ever since I attacked him with tickling while scrubbing his back, he had refused to let me near him while he prepared for a good, long soak. It wasn't that he was very ticklish, but that he didn't like having to re-tile the bathroom: the first time I sneaked up on him, he had blasted the reinforced walls with kido and we had ended up having to bathe in the communal baths.

Having soaked and soaped the towel while he rinsed, I settled myself behind him. Even after these decades, the line of his spine and the smooth planes of his back still took my breath away. He was pale, without a single scar marring the perfection of his skin. I gently dragged the fabric down from shoulder to waist, before rubbing up in firm circles. He sighed and bowed his head.

“What is it?” I asked quietly. Clear water washed off the suds and I laved him up again, this time scrubbing with greater force.

Aizen-sama was silent for a beat. Then he breathed out slowly. “I like Ukitake.”

I waited.

“I like him enough to really be his friend.”

“You were looking for a toy,” I remarked.

“I was.”

“And now you can't bring yourself to think of him that way.”

“I can't.”

“So there isn't a problem.”

“No, there isn't.” He half-turned and showed me his grin. “Fooled you.”

I slapped the wet rag over his shoulders. “Scrub your back yourself.”

He grabbed me about my waist and dragged me into his lap. I pummeled him but gave into his kiss. With an extravagant sigh he hugged me tightly, ignoring my half-hearted protests about my clothes getting wet.

“I'm glad you thought I was troubled.” He sighed into my neck and I warmed at the subtle caress.

“You wanted me to be fooled?”

“I'm going to live the role I was supposed to live from the start,” he said. My hair stuck to his cheek and I brushed it from his face. Aizen-sama gazed at me. “I will be the Aizen Sousuke everyone believes I am.”

“And everyone will believe, even I.” I touched his eyelids. “Where will my Aizen-sama be then?”

“In here,” he touched my heart, “and here,” he touched my head. He bent to kiss me again, slowly, taking his time to savor my surrender. “And one day, when the opportune moment arrives, you will then have your Aizen-sama revealed.”

Touched, I embraced him. “I believe in you.”

“I know.” His hug tightened to the point of pain. “I believe too.”

xxxxx

I checked the papers in my folder. These were the security gaps in the system installed in Rinbayashi's room, and I knew the program designer was now running the workshop Kira and Hinamori were attending. That bit of scheduling had been hard to achieve, but the original instructor had been paid quite well for his playing hooky.

Kira was staring blankly at his papers. I supposed it was boring for his quick mind to listen to security detail. As I discussed the details regarding the upgrade with the instructor, I expanded my reiatsu carefully. The blond twitched. Carefully stealing a glance, I saw Kira frown at me and resolutely face his papers.

 _Gotta give him credit; he knows when to be serious._ I arranged for the instructor to come by my office on another day and then reminded him that it was almost time for the workshop to end. He hurried away, calling for the class to submit their assignment.

I smirked with satisfaction on seeing Kira's angry fluster. Time for me to make a graceful exit.

xxxxx

_Where are you?_

_'Over in the third block,'_ Aizen-sama answered. _'He's approaching.'_

_Good. Give me some time – say, eight to ten minutes – and I'll send a signal._

I waited until I saw a pale blond head weave its way through the chattering students. Hinamori held him back for a second and I yelled at her mentally to let go. Perhaps she heard me: Kira resumed his storming to the greenhouse.

My informant was right. The youth headed straight to the healers' source of herbs. I stood up, brushed off the knees of my uniform and strode towards my target. It was a short walk, really, since I had been keeping an eye out ever since I left the classroom. _Aizen-sama, I'm headed to the greenhouse._

_'He's talking to me now. We're going to the Apothecary for the items he needs.'_

_Wait wait wait, slow down!_

_'We'll stroll. Go on, I'm waiting for the signal.'_

I rolled my eyes. My lover really needed to work on his timing. Though, in certain other areas of our lives, his timing was impeccable. I grinned slyly: I wondered how much of his skill I had learned over the years? However, going by the responses of the nibbles I had of the hors d'oeuvre offered to me, I was pretty damn good.

The door was half-opened. _Hey, I'm an optimistic guy._

_'Could have told you that. The Apothecary is about three minutes' away. You ready?'_

_Almost. He's shredding leaves... ahahaha. The gods are totally on my side._

_'Why do you say that?'_

I smothered the chuckle. _He chose to shred the leaves of Eros' Wrath._

_'Ah. The aphrodisiac. Guess we can speed up a little.'_

_I'm gonna be a gentleman._

_'Have fun, lover. Break a leg.'_

I walked in silently as Kira seethed. I loved seeing him angry, I realized: the blue eyes were almost snapping with ire and his cheeks were stained pink. The tight set of his jaw added a fierce elegance to otherwise plain features, and there was a far-off focused gaze.

I loved his canted eyes, I mused to myself as I navigated my way past fronds and potted plants. The damp heat was uncomfortable but not clammy. Kira was muttering under his breath when I stepped up behind him.

“I didn't think I could sneak up to you this easily,” I commented.

Kira positively jumped out of his skin, his sudden reaction sweeping the potted Eros' Wrath off the ledge it was placed. I caught it carefully, knowing that it was a particularly strong aphrodisiac and that it removes inhibitions almost as well as the best sake in Seireitei. The poor sapling's leaves were mostly removed; Kira's little tantrum had been quite damaging.

I smiled at the blond young man. “You seem perturbed. What is the matter?”

“I... I, er, I, I... perturbed?” He was becoming flustered. I could practically taste the change in his reiatsu from the effects of the herb. Where it had been cool/clear/sorrowful, now red/desire/fire was threading through it.

“I just like the sound of the word,” I said quickly to distract him from thinking about the stranngeness of his body and soul. “Perturbed perturbed perturbed. The sound of the word conveys the feeling rather accurately.” I was talking rubbish and I knew it. Aizen-sama's mental chuckle told me he was listening in too.

_'The Apothecary is searching for the relevant dried herb. You're sure you burned the whole stash?'_

_Yes._

“I'm fine, I came in to, uh... I came in...” Kira blinked, appearing to have lost his train of thought. “I-I-I'm, um. I should go.”

I leaned on the ledge that would place me directly in his way. “Not that easily. We have to talk about what transpired the other night.”

Those lovely blond lashes fluttered as he desperately sought a way past me. As if i didn't know the layout of the greenhouse and had him trapped in a corner. “Fukutaichou, I really don't think this is a good idea. People could see-”

“See what?” I bent forward slightly, invading his personal space. “That an officer is talking to his subordinate? That a student is conversing with an instructor? That you are terribly nervous?”

That last bit must have hit a little too close to home, because Kira burst out with, “That I'm terrified.”

He was, his thin shoulders trembling and sweat beading over his upper lip. Nonetheless, he soldiered on. “That... that I... that you're here, and I can't – I can't think clearly, and I wish you'd not be so bold and I wish I could just dare to _be_ like you, I can't. I can't.”

The red/desire/fire was overriding his usual reiatsu signature too rapidly. My initial gladness gave way to concern. Eros' Wrath was acting too swiftly on him. I placed a palm on his cheek to try countering with my own reiatsu. At least I was used to such fierce desire – Kira was reacting badly. “Hush, Kira, relax.”

“Huh?” His eyes were unfocused and glimmering with confusion.

I tamped down the surge of want that the plant had forced into him. “That plant... that is the source of stimulants crafted for the Fourth.” I pointed with my free hand at the innocent-looking plant on the ledge. “As well as the basis for aphrodisiacs.” _After much dilution,_ I added silently. “Let me smell your hands.”

His hands reeked of the plant.

“You rubbed the sap into your skin. How are you feeling?” The affected reiatsu was now trying to curl and merge with mine; ruthlessly I forced it away.

Kira was looking at me stupidly. “Feeling? Slightly dizzy... a little, uh, a little breathless. But I'm fine, I'm, er... I'm...” His voice faded to a whisper. “Warm.”

“Warm.” I extended two fingers to connect with his pulse point, to ameliorate the effects. Too late: Kira was thrumming with heat now. I breathed out and stepped back. “Let me find the antid-mmmmph!”

Kira had latched his mouth on mine, his tongue pressing against my lips and begging entrance. His fingers sought a path along my spine and, as sensitive as I was in that region, I arched into his hold. Feeling rather regretful I grabbed his shoulders to push him away. “Kira, not that it doesn't feel good – oh!”

Now that little blond minx had his mouth on my earlobe, sliding down, and hot, moist breath that was combining forces to drive me crazy. “Kira izuru, you stop this right now-”

“No. Hot.”

I shoved him away, ignoring the thin thread of saliva that trailed from my neck to his lips. There was a workroom nearby for him to cool down and I yanked him into following me. He staggered after me, oddly resistant, and when I pushed him into the room he dragged me in after him.

We collapsed to the floor of the shed. It smelled musty and earthy, deliciously natural and filthy all at once. He wasn't wasting time, pushing at my clothes while kissing every patch of my skin he could reach, and mostly fixated on my mouth and tongue.

I could sense his need pressing against me. He was already panting, wanting, and I felt my own ardor rise.

I was never one to turn down offers. Not when they came in pretty packaging like this.

I growled and forced him to wait while I shed the uniform. He crawled over my legs, licking and kissing his way up my thighs to my inner thighs. When he reached my erection he gave me one pleading look.

“Get to it,” I ordered raspily.

His moist heat enveloped my cock, his tongue sliding inexpertly along the shaft and over the tip. I let my fingers twine into his hair and forced myself deeper into his mouth. He made a small choking sound and I eased off slightly, but then he continued to take me in as deep as he could, swallowing when he was clearly uncomfortable.

_I think we have the makings of a masochist here, Aizen-sama._

_'I know. We're watching.'_

On hearing that I felt my lust rise abruptly. I could not see him nor sense him: he had hidden himself well from me, and even shielded his companion. With yet another growl I pulled Kira from my cock and plunged my tongue into his mouth, one hand gripping the back of his neck and the other freeing his straining erection from his hakama. As he whimpered at the contact I shifted our positions slightly.

“How do you want it, Kira?” I snarled. “How do you want to be touched?”

“Hard,” he managed to gasp. “Like you own every inch of me.”

_I like the sound of that._

_'As do I. Turn a little to your right, lover. The angle would me much better. That's right.'_ I could feel the pleasure coursing through Aizen-sama's mental tone. _'Now grasp both of you together, one of your hand, one of his. Lace your fingers together – that's right. And move.'_

I moved my hips, pushing into Kira's, and he bucked forward into our grip with a soundless cry. Then he continued to jerk his hips forward while I nibbled and sucked my way down his chest, abusing his nipples with fingers and tongue and teeth, and Kira only threw his head back to allow easier access.

I ran my hands over his smooth, curved cheeks, gently parting it. The blond youth spread his legs instinctively, rocking his hips forward.

 _'No, don't take him yet,'_ my lover ordered. _'Not today, not in a shed.'_

 _No fun,_ I pouted, but made Kira suck on my fingers one by one, sliding each digit in and out. The ravenous hunger in his wild-eyed gaze was almost satisfying. I added a small twist in my hold. He cried out and buried his face into my shoulder.

_'He's left. I shall follow him. Don't, I repeat, don't take him. Do let him get off already – you've held him at the brink long enough.'_

I locked Kira's mouth with my own, my tongue plundering the sweet wet depths and drinking in his cries as he jerked against my body. Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a corner of a captain's robe and a slightly more alluring view of a narrowed, lust-darkened eye at the crack in the door.

 _Do tell Hisagi I said hi._ I bit down on Kira's lower lip, copper-sweet rushing my tongue as I came.

Aizen-sama chuckled mentally. _'I will.'_

 


	79. 79.

I rolled my shoulders after I had washed my face. Kira was too... new. He was inexperienced, despite being Hisagi's for the past few months. Perhaps it had been the plant that caused the lack of restraint and control: I did so like pushing people to the edge and holding them there, but the earlier tryst had been all fire and little heat.

I sensed Aizen-sama's approach before he entered by the back door. “That's bad manners,” I scolded teasingly. After I had pressed a kiss on him, I asked, “Come to see how I've done up the place?”

He smiled at me. “Of course.” He tucked a stray strand of brown hair behind his ear. “You forbade me until it was ready, and now that it's a week to your official promotion, I suppose it is ready.”

“It ain't much,” I admitted readily, “since I couldn't quite decide what to have up on display and what to keep in storage for another season.”

I led him to the main living area. On the wall was a calligraphy scroll from my lover, a Chinese poem:

_The sea begets the brilliant moon:_

_The whole world shares this moment._

_Lovers bemoan the long lonely night,_

_For remembrance began at dusk._

_When the candle is snuffed, moonlight seems too full;_

_When the robe is pulled on, dew dampens the skin._

_However much I wish to gift the lustrous moonlight,_

_We can only meet in our dreams._

He looked at it for a long time. That had been from years ago, early in our relationship. I had learned my letters from him, and he had tried to educate me in the art of calligraphy. I had no patience to master the various forms, but at least my handwriting now – as compared to the chicken scratches I used to produce – was more elegant, almost on par with the minor houses' heirs.

Byakuya was, as usual, talented at calligraphy. I had compared our writing once from the official paperwork. His was a firm, undeviating, definite clerical script. Mine was thin and tended to flow together, and with a regrettable tendency to loop when turning the brush. Aizen-sama had tried to correct that particular aberration, but there was nothing he could do. The loop stayed, very much a part of my style.

As if reading my mind, Aizen-sama said quietly, “I remember when you barely knew how to hold a brush.”

I relaxed into his caressing of my hair. “Have I ever thanked you for teaching me how to read and write?”

“Not that I can recall,” he answered, a small frown between his brows.

I felt a sudden rush of gratitude. He had been so much to me, more than a lover, and I had so seldom showed my thankfulness. “Then... thank you, Aizen-taichou.” I had knelt down on my right knee before him. His hand was placed on my head. I breathed in and went on. “You showed me a world beyond my ken and reach with every word you taught.”

“You are most welcome.”

_I felt that ripple. Eavesdroppers._

_'As did I. Soifon really does not trust us, does she?'_

_No, she does not._

“ I am your humble servant for the education you gave me. I owe you too much.” I stifled the laugh that was about to burble out of me.

Aizen-sama was evidently amused. _'That's laying it on a bit thick now.'_ Aloud he said, “You are more than a servant. You are more than a student, a lieutenant, a friend. You are my lover.” _'Time to reassure our little eavesdropper, Gin.'_

_Even though it's a show, I don't like it._

_'Be firm of purpose.'_

I sighed again. “Soon I will no longer have that claim. Let me draw the line now, Aizen-taichou, before my courage and determination fails me.”

“So be it,” he said. I knew we were both feeling genuinely regretful that we had to break off the idyllic life we had shared for close to a century, but it was time for me to stand on my own.

_I meant everything I said about being grateful, just so you know._

_'I do know.'_

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou, you have been... have been the best lieutenant a captain can wish for, and a most adept pupil.” He paused and the smile faded a fraction. “In a week, you will become my peer.”

I shook my head ruefully. “I will never be equal to you. As always, I remain your student. If there can be no other bond, let us have that.”

“We have that,” said Aizen-sama. He flicked my fringe. “My door is always open for consultation, Ichimaru-taichou.”

“Thank you.” I bowed again as a student. _Thank you._

_'You are very welcome, my dearest Gin.'_

xxxxx

After Aizen-sama went home I sat down in the study, trying to get used to the room. I was reading through the bills for my latest purchases when I heard a tentative knock on the door. Glancing out the window I was surprised to see that it was pretty dark.

“Come in,” I said, relieved to be free of the tyranny of numbers. I did not remember spending so much, but refitting the room had taken up a good portion of my savings. In fact I seldom spent money, since I had been living with Aizen-sama and he never asked me to chip in on any of the bills. Kira soon entered, all red-eyed and puffy-cheeked.

“Ichimaru-fukutaichou, I apologize for coming here,” he said. His face was lowered.

I got up from the desk and went around to cup his chin and tilted it up so he faced me. Kira had the beginnings of a nasty bruise on the side of his cheek. I frowned. “What happened?”

“It's... that's not serious,” he demurred. “I came to... I came to apologize for... for what happened yesterday. And to-to tell you that, um. That...” He inhaled and breathed out slowly. “That I love you.”

I raised my brows. “Wait a minute.”

Kira blinked a few times and peered up the scant two inches that was our difference in height. “I... I've been trying to deny the-the attraction that I feel for you, and tried to... tried to distract myself, to... to try to fall in love with someone else.” His voice firmed. “It didn't work. I couldn't... I couldn't love him.”

“By him, I presume you mean Hisagi Shuuhei?” I asked lightly.

Cheeks pinking, Kira nodded his head. “He and I... we don't mesh well. And he-he knows that my heart is not filled with thoughts of him, but of you.”

I stepped back and leaned against my desk. “Kira, what happened yesterday wasn't out of love.”

“I know,” he answered.

“But you still profess to love me.”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “Kira, you're a good kid: brilliant, agile, hardworking. You'll make an awesome shinigami, that I can assure you. And I admire your courage, your dedication, and not least your honesty.” The blond looked up. I let my smile fade slightly. “And so I must be honest with you too, Kira.”

“Yes?”

“Kira,” I began, and ran my hand through my hair, “I don't love you. I cannot love you.”

His face did not crumple into agony or misery. Instead he smiled wanly. “I know.”

“You know?”

“It's because... because you love Aizen-taichou, isn't it?”

Our gazes met and I held his blue regard for a long beat. Then I nodded. “I love him. No matter what the rules say about cutting all ties, I love him.”

“Does your loving him mean that I cannot love you?” Kira enquired softly. “Will you not accept that I do not seek reciprocation?”

I was genuinely surprised. First he confessed his love, now he offered his heart without asking for mine in return. I did not move a muscle when he walked forward tentatively until he was right in front of me again.

Kira's smile had disappeared. “May I love you, Ichimaru-fukutaichou?”

Slowly I reached up to touch his cheek, where the bruise was forming. Summoning a healing kido, I let my reiatsu flare out around my fingertip and carefully run it over the injured area. His blue eyes glimmered and then his lids lowered, submitting to that tiny caress.

When I was certain the bruise was gone, I straightened and kissed him on the brow. He stirred slightly but did not shy away or move forward.

“You may,” I replied noiselessly, my lips dusting his fair skin.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

xxxxx

Kira and I sat talking the entire night. The young man was remarkably mature in terms of his career projections; I was content to let Aizen-sama direct my way forward.

“If I do join the Fourth Division,” he asked, “how do I move forward? I heard that it's the kiss of death for any career-minded shinigami to be branded with the Fourth.”

“I told you to join the Fourth simply because I believe you can shine brighter in comparison,” I said, “which means that, when you do put in an application for promotion, you will be given more consideration.”

Kira wasn't entirely convinced. “But the officers would know then that I had been in the Fourth, which, to many, equates poor combat skills.”

“Don't let Unohana-taichou hear that,” I teased. “But you still have a few more modules to clear before you are allowed in the Gotei. This is your first year and you already have highest honors; you are also one of the select few who made it into Intermediate Zanjutsu; you have a great report from both Aizen-taichou and myself with regards to your performance throughout the internship. Kira, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Then why do you ask that i head for the Fourth?”

“Because you lack healing talent,” I answered. “Your kidou manipulation is admirable, but you aren't able to heal. That is your weak link. _That_ will be where the officers will fault you should you apply for a high posting such as lieutenant.”

He was less doubtful after that. We went on to talk about the duties required of a lieutenant, the various modules and which were essential ones, how to do well in them, how to listen out for his personal zanpakuto... anything except about the relationship between him and Hisagi and me.

xxxxx

The next day I saw Tousen looking vaguely disgruntled. He knew I was approaching; I hadn't bothered to mask my reiatsu.

“Did you know about this?” he demanded, directing the hell butterfly to me.

I received it with a faint frown. “What are you talking about?”

“ _Tousen-taichou, Hisagi Shuuhei will be with me for the day. I humbly request that you excuse him from his duties. From Aizen Sousuke, Gobantai-taichou.”_

I listened to the message twice more before I smiled humorlessly. “Probably Aizen-taichou has found himself some new entertainment?” I remarked lightly, shooing the hell butterfly from my shoulder. Then my smile faded. “Let me compose the message, will you?”

“I see no reason why not.” Tousen was disgruntled, obviously; he was a stickler to protocol and he hated having his officers borrowed.

I cocked my head. “Just two words: New Toy?”

Tousen was not amused, but he relayed the message anyway. “Keep my people out of your games, Ichimaru.”

“I will, on my end,” I murmured softly, but I cannot speak for him.”

“I know. Only he can speak for himself.”

“True, that.”

xxxxx

“Utagawa-fukutaichou has collapsed,” the messenger informed me emotionlessly. “He is now under intensive care and will not be permitted visitors until notice.”

“I see.” I signed off on another document, this one on procurement of new training equipment. The messenger waited outside the door, unsure if that was a dismissal or a mere imitation of one. I sighed for their stupidity. “You can go now.”

 _Finally I see the effects,_ I thought irritably. _That stupid slow-acting poison is really too slow to be used!_

I called over the third and fourth seats, told them to cover the lieutenant's duties, and proceeded to Aizen-sama's for lunch. It would be a short respite from the tedious minutiae of taking over a new division, particularly one which specialized in information-gathering. I had changed all the passwords and installed new security features for the data, and had also prepared a nasty surprise for anyone who believed they could break the codes. The process wasn't entirely legal – even for a taichou – but with the other specials I put in, I had to be triply cautious.

The door was already open and the lunch laid out. I nodded and said, “Good afternoon, Aizen-taichou, Ukitake-taichou.”

“Good afternoon,” replied Ukitake. He waved my bow off as he got up. “I came by to borrow a book from Aizen-san. I have to leave now; Shunsui is waiting for me to rescue him from Ise-fukutaichou.”

“Join me for lunch another time?” Aizen-sama asked as he stood, both to send Ukitake off and to greet me. “It's not fair he gets to monopolize you everyday.”

Ukitake laughed and left, smiling widely at me as he headed to the Eighth Division. I entered the office and slid the door shut.

“How are you?” I asked quietly as we settled down to lunch. Grilled mackerel and seasonal vegetables, along with some stir-fried egg with peas. I wrinkled my nose with distaste.

Aizen-sama half-smiled. “I'm fine. Didn't have time to cook this morning, so I settled for commissary food.”

“I can see that.”

“Don't be picky,” he scolded, “or you don't get any.”

I wrinkled my nose at him again. “Been busy?”

“Not as much as you,” he commented. “After all, you're the one with a new division to take on.”

“Well, at least now things are more to my style of working,” I answered, absently picking bones out of fish. “Rinbayashi-sensei's system was archaic.”

“Don't speak ill of the dead now.”

“We're all dead here in Soul Society.”

“I feel alive,” he remarked blandly.

I rolled my eyes – not with much effect, since they were hidden. It was much like our usual meals, but it was oddly comforting, exchanging casual banter over lunch. Perhaps it was because I was beginning to miss it. The meal was over too soon, however, and I had to bid farewell as I returned to the Third Division to re-organize the message relay system.

xxxxx

“I need to talk,” Kira blurted. He was a woe-begone sight: tear-smudged cheeks, reddened eyes, slight sniffing, and a bag over his shoulder. “Please?”

_Aizen-sama? I won't be returning tonight._

_'Surprise guest by name of Kira Izuru?'_

_How did you know?_

_'His former lover is with me. He's rather upset.'_

I gazed at Kira, who was equally if not more upset. _He's cute when he's vulnerable, isn't he?_

 _'Thank you for the farewell gift then, lover,'_ remarked Aizen-sama.

I sighed. He could always tell. _You took such a long time choosing, I thought I might as well send one over. He likes it rough, the boy does, and that tattoo is one of his favorites._

_'I figured. Thank you, Gin. I will treasure the gift.'_

“Come in,” I told Kira. “But you won't stay the night. You need your friends more than you need me tonight.”

“But-” Kira was surprised. Was he thinking I'd use the opportunity to take him?

“Go wash up. We'll talk over tea.”

_Kira is so conflicted and lost now._

Aizen-sama chuckled at the glee in my voice. _'Take your time to savor it, lover. I am.'_

 _You're not going to try out the present?_ Great mind did think alike, I thought privately.

 _'The_ _joy,'_ he commented mock-pompously, ' _is in the anticipation. And I can be patient.'_

 _I'm sure the final outcome will be worth your wait._ I smirked; if Hisagi had practiced on Kira, his techniques might have improved. Might have.

 _'I'm sure of that too.'_ I knew Aizen-sama would enjoy Hisagi. I remembered that gleam back when he returned from the human realm and caught sight of Hisagi sprawled over our sheets, worn out and oblivious to our scrutiny. _'Enjoy yourself, Gin.'_

 _You too, Aizen-sama,_ I said.

Kira re-emerged from the washroom, face cleaned and eyes less puffy. I patted a cushion that I had set beside me. “Come here.”

He settled and lowered his head. “I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“Coming to bother you like this,” he muttered. “I didn't... I didn't want to go back to the dorm, Renji would've... I don't think I can answer his questions now.”

I breathed out slowly and cradled him against my side. He relaxed almost instantly and I wondered if he really was blind with love. Only Aizen-sama let down his guard around me, and that was because he was far too attuned to and way more powerful than I. This much weaker Kira was putting his trust in me, like a songbird in the grasp of my hand.

_Naïve little fool._

He wasn't sniffing or sobbing, but there was an empty blankness to his features. He slowly shut his eyes. I petted him on the head gently and then stroked his fine golden hair. His breathing evened out and I smiled softly.

_Naïve little fool._

With a gentle puff of kido, I put out the other lamps in the house, leaving the one nearest to us. Kira did not open his eyes, but a faint smile surfaced as he acknowledged dimming of the lights. I hummed softly, trying to recall a song that Matsumoto and I used to sing to stave off the fearful, cold loneliness.

“... 'cross the verdant glade, beneath the golden sun.... la di da something something something without mercy... wildflowers in summertime fade like shadows, they fade like shadows fleeing the night la di dum di di dum ladida... something winter bites and the frost is cruelly killing... wildflowers in summertime la di dum dum di da dum...”

“Gin,” mumbled Kira, one eyelid opening lazily, “I think it might be better if you don't sing.”

“Ingrate,” I grinned crookedly. This was the first time he called my name while still being lucid instead of being caught in the throes of passion. It was... sweet. I frowned inwardly; I was not used to sweet, not from others. Not even from Aizen-sama. “Alright. You feeling better?”

“Yes, actually, I am,” he answered, straightening. “I should return.”

“You should.” I touched his left cheek. “Sleep well, pretty Kira. I'll see you around tomorrow.”

He bowed his head. Pretty Kira – I liked the sound of that: _kirei Kira. Kirei Kira._

Kira stood up slowly, reluctance dragging his steps, but I was insistent. I would not take Kira until Aizen-sama had enjoyed his gift. I could wait as well as he – he wasn't the only one with patience.

 


	80. 80.

I hummed a soft melody as I rearranged the files again. I did not understand Utagawa's filing system – murders and homicides were pretty much the same damn thing, but the old fart filed them separately, while arson and drowning were two different issues put in the same category.

Sometimes I despaired of people.

“Knock knock,” someone said at the door.

I knew it wasn't Aizen-sama; I would have caught him approaching. I'd started keeping a light touch on his presence, much as I used to do in the early days of the rings. When I turned around it was Kyoraku Shunsui at the door.

“Can I pay you a visit?” he asked with a broad smile.

I returned it. “Since you're already here,” I pointed out, “I can't chase you away, can I?”

“You could, but I'll just ignore you.” The tall captain removed his hat and stepped into the office. “Hmm. I see you've rearranged the furniture.”

“I like knowing who's coming to my office,” I answered, deftly shutting and securing the filing cabinet with a password.

He chuckled. “I apologize. Next time I'll send word.” Deftly removing his shoes, Kyoraku stepped in. Immediately the room smelled of sake and magnolia, not too strongly, but definitive of the captain.

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?” I asked, taking a seat at the low table for guests.

He had already made himself comfortable. “I came to tell you to keep the weekend free; there will be a welcome wagon thing for new officers appointed and, as you are one of the main stars, you'll need to be there for as much as possible. Put in appearances.”

I shrugged. “I'm not a big fan of crowds,” I temporized.

“It's not about what you like or dislike; it's about you making an impression. The lowers gotta know what their uppers look like, and they gotta know what kind or person they are dealing with. You keep them in the dark, they'll keep you out of the loop.”

“I don't recall such an event being held for Kuchiki Byakuya,” I said.

“That was because everyone knew the Kuchiki family. You, you're not from a noble house, you're always holed up doing stuff for your captain, you don't make a strong impression from far off.” Kyoraku grinned lopsidedly. “Though, once we get to know you, you strike me as a remarkably intelligent and dedicated young man, if rather... inscrutable.”

“In that case I shall keep that weekend clear, Kyoraku-taichou.”

“Great!” He beamed. “Sake sake sake sake sake! Now I have a legitimate reason to drink!”

His cheer was infectious. I laughed and teased, “So that's why you want that welcoming party?”

“Yep!” Now that his goal had been attained, Kyoraku admitted to his subterfuge readily.

xxxxx

As captain-to-be, I had to check in with some people to have the records updated. Which meant I had to pay a visit to Byakuya, whom I was definitely not on speaking terms with.

Not that we were unfriendly to each other; we just treated each other as invisible entities if we had to occupy the same space. Hisana would not have liked that, but her husband was a lump of icy glacial rock with about as much warmth, and was not amenable to small talk.

When I turned the corner I saw him striding in my direction, and behind him was that Hisana imposter. Her sister. _What is her name again?_

 _'Her name is Rukia.'_ My captain must have been eavesdropping in my head again, not that I minded.

_Thanks, Aizen-sama. You're like my external, backup brain._

_'That was an image I could do without,'_ he thought half-disgustedly and half-amused. ' _I shan't bother you now.'_

The girl noticed me before her brother deigned to acknowledge my existence. She started, a small jerk and a slowing of her pace. I put on my widest smile, wishing she were the one in the ground and Hisana right here. Then the smile would be teasing but genuine, not this fixed rictus of an expression.

“Hiya, Kuchiki-taichou,” I said with a little wave. “Need you to update the information on the Third Division. Free now?”

“Good afternoon,” he replied frostily. “I am occupied at the moment; Unohana-taichou requests my presence. I shall schedule a time with my record-keepers and with your lieutenant when you take the robe.”

“Of course.” I smiled again, but this time my gaze slid to the left and down.

The girl was about to shiver. My smile deepened: little coward that she was, she didn't even dare to step back and out of range of my reiatsu without her adopted brother's approval. Her large eyes, too like and yet cruelly unlike Hisana's, were fixed on me. She was not smiling.

Of course she wouldn't smile at me. She was terrified. My reiatsu, as always sinuous and light, crept about Byakuya's solid and dense wall and curled about the girl's throat, and tightened just a little. I noted how she gasped and backed off, before I released my reiatsu. Byakuya didn't notice, or probably didn't care; he walked on and the girl followed hurriedly, giving me a wide berth.

I watched them go.

_I will see you break, little girl. You will not mock my memory of the woman who made me her friend._

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was having dinner with Ukitake-taichou when I checked in with him. They were talking – of all things – about us. Ukitake was trying to get Aizen-sama to admit how much my philandering ways were hurting him.

As if.

Half the time it was because Aizen-sama was too busy for me, and the other half of the time it was he who pointed out the pretty girl or beautiful boy that could keep me amused. _He speaks of what he doesn't know._

_'Don't you have your division to run?'_

_It's dinnertime, Aizen-sama, and I do so need the entertainment._ I grinned to myself. A group of female shinigami saw the smile and scurried away. _Kira's not here with me, if you must know._

_'Out of my head. You're distracting me.'_

Just to tease him, I flashed a series of quick visuals of the naughty things I could be doing to distract him further. His mental reply was a chuckle and I withdrew with a farewell.

Now I felt empty.

Just to retest the systems, I shut the windows and called up the monitors to go through various personnel files. The one I was interested was Kyoraku Shunsui, and on a whim I also pulled up files on Ukitake Jyuushiro.

There was nothing on the files that indicated anything that even smelled secretive, other than their relational status. Ukitake's failed marriage was recorded, but that had been more than a thousand six hundred years ago. Kyoraku had never been married, though all his suspected liaisons were listed.

“...and top of the list is Ukitake Jyuushiro,” I mused under my breath. “But he isn't bisexual, I am sure of that.”

He hadn't that vibe; he felt like a pure one-hundred-percent straight male, despite his pink flowery robe. Which meant that they cultivated that rumor... but to what purpose?

“Wait a minute,” I sat up straight.

_Ukitake-taichou's at Aizen-sama's. Why is Ukitake at Aizen-sama's? And why did Kyoraku Shunsui visit me out of the blue?_

I called to Aizen-sama's mind. He was still with the white-haired captain, but reassured me that he would hear me out later in the night. I puffed my cheeks out and then called for some dinner, putting away the screens and opening the windows again.

xxxxx

I had to remind myself to return the keys. I was too used to being here with him after work, to always being by his side. The fifth division office was a quiet place after hours, and I leaned against a wall and sighed.

Here was where we watched the clouds change color from brilliance to darkness, while we talked of all sorts of things, from fishing to his childhood experiments to dinner plans. The rain chain in the corner of the roof needed changing. I rearranged the papers on his desk and righted the paperweight, wiping off the fingerprints on it. The cricket didn't need replacing yet, but I knew I ought to keep an eye out for the first bit of crumbling. Except I would have to come all the way over to check, since there was very little need for the Third and the Fifth to collaborate.

The photo we took at the Tenth's summer carnival was on his desk today; he had changed the frame again. He always preferred to alter the frames instead of changing the photos. I smiled at the memory of Kuraosawa ordering us to stand still and for Aizen-sama to smile into the camera, and of my sudden kiss just as the photo was taken. He had chuckled over my little sentimental ambush afterwards.

I was startled to realize my cheeks were damp. Hastily I brushed them off with the back of my hand. It was disgraceful, weeping so easily over something so small and insignificant. As my vision blurred, I discovered – belatedly – that he had changed the scroll in his office to my pitiful attempt at calligraphy. It was my first one that had no mistakes.

I sat down in his chair and gazed at the scroll.

_A lucky fox_

_deigns to bark..._

_Hazy moon._

I had laughed then when he picked the poem. He had personally prepared the ink and brush, and watched as I scribed the haiku and wrote my name. Later he had added the simple drawing of a fox gazing up at the unseen moon. I never knew he had had it framed, never knew he had kept it so carefully all through these years. The rice paper was not even yellow with age.

And then I could not see the words any more; tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks unheeded. I could barely breathe; my smile was wavering and my throat was closing. I sniffed and then I could not smile anymore. I held back my weeping and breathed as slowly as I could manage.

The door opened, and then shut quietly. I didn't bother reaching out with reiatsu to check who it was. Whoever it had been would keep to themselves what they saw.

xxxxx

It was quite late when he returned from Ukitake's residence.

I had been waiting for an hour and thirty-eight minutes, according to the clock in his room. Around an hour ago, Hisagi had arrived outside; I had not lit any lamps, content to just sit in the darkness of his room, breathing in all that had been us. Most of my clothes had already been moved to the new rooms, but he had with him some of my older sleeping robes.

They didn't smell like me anymore; there was a hint of the scent of pine or fir, a scent that was echoed in the guest room when I wandered into it earlier. But here in his room, it was still just us. It felt exactly as it had felt for the six to eight decades. The beds had been changed, from futon to Western-style beds and back to futon again. He still loved dark maroon covers, though. I trailed my fingers over his side of the bed, absorbing the softness of the sheets.

I knew it would smell of him: the man did sleep naked. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would feel an arm or a heavy leg drape itself over me. Sometimes he would even pull me into his embrace and bury his nose in my hair, all without waking up. On one occasion, I heard him mumbling my name as he held me close to him in his sleep.

I did not want someone else to feel all that. I did not want anybody to know the affectionate and gentle and sweet Aizen-sama. I wanted that Aizen-sama to remain mine.

The one who woke early on weekends and made a mountain of pancakes and omelets for me; the one who would knead my shoulders and kiss the tips of my ear; the one who let me lean on him while we admire the sunsets; the one who would put his head in my lap while he caught forty winks; the one who would deliberately set aside an hour just to read with me in the middle of the day.

Bile rose in my throat. I did not want Hisagi to know this side of Aizen-sama. I had been so _stupid_ , causing him and Kira to break up, deliberately leading Hisagi to head to Aizen-sama for comfort and solace. I thought I had picked the one person I wouldn't be jealous of. I thought I had sent the right person to warm Aizen-sama's bed.

I had been so _stupid!_

There was no soul on the planet, alive, dead or otherwise, whom I would allow to know Aizen-sama the way I knew him.

No. One. On. Earth.

My fingers curled into his pillow. He was mine, mine alone.

I heard them at the doorway and stood up.

_Mine._

They were still in the foyer, Aizen-sama pulling off his socks.

I leaned against the door and said in a lazy voce, “I've just been gone for two days and already I hear rumors of you two.” My smile lifted a little at the corners. “It's as if I don't exist at all.”

Aizen-sama moved to embrace me. “Gin, I didn't know you were coming home.”

His smile was genuine, if the gaze rather stern. Then I remembered _why_ I had selected Hisagi.

_Ukitake's stupid law._

“It's Ichimaru now,” I corrected him coldly, “and I'll thank you to remember that.” In case I gave in to my jealousy, I sidled out of his reach. “And I know you didn't know I was coming over.” Now I darted up to Hisagi and grabbed his chin, tilting his face up. “Else you wouldn't bring this pretty thing over, would you?”

Hisagia slapped my hands away. I saw a wince pass over his face as a couple of fingers felt the sting of impact. “I waited for him outside,” he said, indignant. “He didn't bring me over. And there is nothing between Aizen-taichou and myself.”

I smiled coolly. “I'll bet there isn't. Just like there's nothing between me and Kira, hmm?”

He stiffened and turned enraged eyes on me.

Amused, I moved closer and loudly whispered, “Aizen-taichou likes it when you kiss behind his ear, by the way.”

“Gin!” Aizen-sama sounded shocked and embarrassed. Why wasn't he in the acting industry? “Hisagi-san wanted to apologize, I asked him to stay because it's late and he'll get caught by the night patrol. That's all!”

“So very convenient, eh?” I mocked. “I came by because I thought I'd spend a few more nights here with my captain, but they do say three's a crowd. Goodbye, taichou.” I shoved Hisagi aside and put on my own sandals.

Aizen-sama was behind me in an instant. I ignored him ans stood up. He gripped me by my arm. “Gin, please. This is a misunderstanding we can clear up in no time at all.”

I snarled at them both. “No, this is the official end of our relationship.” I stared into dark brown eyes and felt my resistance give way. I had to play the part properly. “All through these years, I'd been hoping, praying, that I mattered enough for you to stop me playing around. You never cared. Never, Aizen-taichou. To you, I was just a convenient bed-warmer.”

He was angry and hurt. “That's not true, Gin, you are the one person in Seireitei I would give anything for-”

“-then give up your captaincy!” I shouted. “Give it up, and come into the Third. Be my officer instead of a captain.”

It was impossible, and all three of us knew it.

“... You can't, can you?” I asked rhetorically. “Aizen Sousuke, all I needed was for you to love me.”

I wished he would just say the words right out, even this once, even just to lie and put on an act to fool poor anxious Hisagi in the background. Just once more, right out loud, before witnesses. Even this once, fool _me._

 _Please,_ I begged in the innermost chamber of my mind, where he could not read without concentration.

He stared at me, all kicked-puppy dog eyes and injured innocence. Hisagi took a step forward. I returned the stare. Aizen-sama swallowed and his grip tightened. “I do,” he said at last. “Gin, please. There are ways around the law, I asked Ukitake-san just now. We can still be together, Gin.”

“It's Ichimaru now.” I felt the ice close around my heart, thickening and squeezing. “Let go.”

He held on.

“Let go,” I repeated, smiling more widely, “or let go of your captaincy.”

“You know I can't do that.”

“Then let go of me.”

This time he let go. I grinned, and then nodded once at Hisagi. “Have a nice night.” Then I smirked and added, “Both of you.”

As I left the house, I shut the door silently. Aizen-sama wouldn't take Hisagi tonight, but I was going to win the bet. I was sure about it. The look in the young punk's eyes while he saw us at the doorway? He would be so _very_ concerned and supportive of Aizen-sama. Kira was already preparing to return to the academy; we wouldn't have access to each other, unlike my captain and his new toy. Hisagi would end up 'comforting' my captain within the next fortnight; of that, I was absolutely certain.

_If I am gonna win the bet, why the fuck do I suddenly feel like crying?_

 


	81. 81.

I studied Kira and Hinamori from the corner of my eye, even as I grabbed the last few personal effects from the office shelves. Most of them were my calligraphy practices, along with gifts he had presented me over the years. One special one was from Kapitan Wolfric: the grizzled old captain made Captain-General of Fegefeuer two years ago and gave me a lovingly-crafted pocket watch. Well, the sender's name was Wolfric's, but I knew it was actually from Karl Bauer. Otherwise it would not have reached me on my birthday.

I was glad Karl had forgiven me. He was one person I wished not to taint.

Someone closed a drawer too loudly and I almost jerked. Then I glared at Hinamori. She felt my stare and bowed her head nervously. They had been the two shoved in to assist me with my final packing, since the smarter seated officers had already fled the division building.

It had been an hour since they started. I was sick of Hinamori's presence already. “Enough. You're done with this. Kira, you move the stuff over to my rooms. Hinamori, tell Abarai to come here and assist Kira. Grab a broom and clean up the room.”

The girl ran out. To give her due credit, she was careful and meticulous. She just annoyed me with her bright perkiness and eager-to-please air whenever my lover was present. Kira stood there without any expression, eyes downcast. That infuriated me for some reason.

Grabbing him by his waist, I forced a kiss on him, my tongue delving deep into his open mouth, before I bit down hard on his lip. He pulled away sharply, stung and confused by the attack.

I didn't let him go. “You know about Hisagi, don't you?” I accused in a low voice. _That's_ _what been bothering me._ “Him and Aizen-taichou?”

“I...” Kira hesitated. “I heard, but I'm sure Hisagi-sempai isn't... isn't, um...”

“Isn't what? Isn't inveigling his way into _my taichou's bed?_ ” I hissed.

The gaze in Kira's eyes altered perceptibly. Where he had been apologetic and effacing, now his eyes were cold and hard as finest sapphire. It was fascinating – how many facets did this youth have?

He let out a slow breath. “He's not the type.”

I allowed my jealousy to reveal itself in my reiatsu. “Hell if he isn't. I can see right through his act-”

The door opened and Abarai and Hinamori stepped in. I almost snapped at them for barging in, but stepped away and told them to get out of the office and move the stuff to my rooms. Leaving Hinamori with the clean up, I left Seireitei for some thinking time alone in our Rukongai home.

xxxxx

The grass was growing wild. I slipped into the house, aware that the shielding spell had not been maintained recently. There was a hare inside, which fled as soon as it saw me come through the main door.

“Soukatsui,” I muttered and an arc of flame shot out, incinerating the creature instantly.

The house felt small now that I was here alone. It was an odd sensation, since it ought to feel larger. It did have ten rooms and the backyard with the pine trees and irises. I shucked out of my sandals and walked along echoingly empty corridors.

The bathhouse, where I took Kei in front of Aizen-sama in celebration of his recovery, and where I had feared for his very existence.

The dojo, where I first released Shinsou, and where he had broken my ankle deliberately for flouting his authority.

The bedroom, where we reveled in a pair of twins.

The kitchen, where he cooked countless meals for me.

The study, where he had patiently taught me abstract concepts along with mind-numbing rules and regulations, and where we conducted experiments on hollows and minor souls.

I looked about me with wonder. Everything looked different. I traced the shelves in the study, seeing the thick layer of dust that came off on my finger. His journals and records had already been cleared; the shelves were empty.

The house was empty.

I strolled into the backyard and saw how I was enclosed in the four-sided construct. The only sapce available was above me, a framed expanse of sky and clouds. I took a deep breath and walked out of the house.

As I passed through the boundary of the shields, I removed the protection. The shields fell away, revealing the residence. In the afternoon sun, it looked exceptionally ordinary, and even a little shabby. I studied the building for a long moment, pointed my hands at it, and fired off two level eighty flame-based spells.

The fire burned hot and long in the Rukongai afternoon. If Aizen-sama noticed, he didn't say a word.

xxxxx

My successor, Mesuda, was trying his best to hide his glee. Not a bad effort, overall, but as the night wore on i found myself sickened by their ingratiating attitude. Throughout my tenure, no one had really wanted to befriend me. I knew their gossiping behind my back, I knew their condescending tones when they discussed me, I knew their dislike of my strictness and my relationship with 'their' Aizen-taichou. Now that I was heading a new division, they were eager to suck up.

Sycophants and bootlickers, the lot of them. Where was their adulation when I installed the three-watch rota to man the observatory tower twenty-eight years ago? Where was their support when I started the physical retraining program fifteen years ago? Where was their help when I began the dual-night patrol schedule? When I punished their comrades, which of these brown-nosers had ever stood on my side and told their friends off? How many of these even tried to get me off the charge Kurosawa leveled at me and how many had enjoyed the night I was locked up? How many were truly glad for my promotion?

_To hell with them all._

I fell to the side, struggled up, and excused myself to sober up in the fresh air. It was all pretense, much better acting than the ones in the little room. In the cooler night breeze, I wondered how long I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't.

Or whether I really was pretending.

Kira emerged from a corner, having been to the washroom. He saw me when he looked up and I smiled at him. Objectively speaking, Kira Izuru was not handsome nor pretty, but there was an air of submissiveness that called out to my darker nature.

Then I thought of Hisagi, with his persistence and determination, sleeping in my home, spreading his pine-snow-musk scent around my lover, taking up my lover's time... I felt my jaw tighten.

_Fine. Forget the bet; I'm enjoying this one right the fuck now._

xxxxx

 _Kira tasted slightly bitter_ , I smirked as I licked the last traces of the young blond from the corners of my mouth. After we returned to the main room, the atmosphere was slightly more convivial and, despite Abarai's suspicious glare, I gave in to the enjoyment.

Aizen-sama was already sleeping when I returned home. His reiatsu was placid and even. At the threshold to the bedroom I paused. Even in the weak light of the waning summer moon, he looked glorious. As usual he slept curled to the side, one arm under his head. Only his legs were covered by a sheet. The only times he kept a blanket on were rainy or wintry nights, but because of me he learned to wrap a sheet about me to make sure I stayed warm.

I had to stop myself from giggling. A powerful shinigami aiming to take the highest seat possible, bowing to the whims of a nobody from a slum? What a pathetic joke.

He stirred, awakened by my presence. “Had fun?” he asked, his voice all kinds of sexy in that gravelly half-drawl.

I walked in. “Quite a bit. He's too obedient for his own good.”

“Anyone see you come here?” he said, sitting up.

I blatantly enjoyed the view of his biceps and triceps stretching, of his abs, and followed the thin trail of dark curly hair to where it was obscured by the blanket. I was feeling sleepy, but tomorrow I would definitely follow that trail. Tossing my new haori over a chair and kicking off the rest of my clothes without a thought to the trouble of getting the folds properly placed, i knelt in front of Aizen-sama and kissed him all over his face.

His large hand stroked my shoulder and I snuggled into his embrace. “Aizen-sama, I wanted to tell you something, but I can't recall what it is.”

“Tell me tomorrow then.”

I laughed softly and kissed his collarbone. “Just like old times, ne, Aizen-sama?”

He ran his hand over my hair and patted my hip. I curled about him, glad of his warmth, and smiled when he began humming a lullaby.

_I love you._

xxxxx

It was still dark out when I woke. Aizen-sama was sleeping on his back now. I felt a sweet warmth spread from my throat into my gut, knowing that I would always have the memory of his face in repose. His brow was slightly furrowed, as if worrying about something. I wanted to soothe it away from his features, but I knew he would always worry about something. Lifting the edge of the blanket, I checked if there was something I could help with.

_Hmm. Guess I have to get it to want my help._

Sliding down the bed, I carefully positioned myself so I could bend over him. He didn't react to the movement but slept on peacefully. I lowered my face and kissed his member, making sure not to touch him anywhere else – he did not respond. Feeling bolder, I laved soft kisses from the tip to the springy dark hairs that trailed to his navel, and then licked with the tip of my tongue down south again. He mumbled something and I bit my lower lip with a smile to see that he was beginning to feel aroused. My left hand skimmed his muscled leg and he twitched, relaxing with a sigh when my caress slid towards his inner thighs.

I stroked him lightly with wet fingertips, until he was erect. Then, lazily tracing my tongue left-right-left-right up the shaft to the head, I shifted so I was snugly tucked between his legs. His knees flexed slightly; I nudged his legs apart and bent to envelop the head of his arousal in my mouth. The flat of my tongue pressed at his hardness, and I began sucking. I could feel him hardening and so was my own cock. I reached down with my right hand to stroke myself as I sucked at him

Just as I was getting into it, he lifted the top of the blanket. I licked around the head of his erection and grinned. “Rise and shine, Aizen-sama.”

“I see the rise,” he deadpanned. Then he smiled lopsidedly, a lock of hair falling into his eyes, giving him a rakish look. “It's too early for this, Gin.”

I pouted. “I missed out last night.” The sheets were cumbersome; I tossed them off us and brushed my cheek into his arousal. “Don't you want me anymore?” I teased, batting my lashes.

“Of course I want you,” he replied in a husky growl.

I pressed my lips against his cock, loving the heavy musky smell and the hot skin, and then straddled his thighs. We looked good together, my slightly paler erection equally demanding attention as his thicker one.

“Lubricant?” I asked, holding out a hand. He passed me one that looked to be less than when we had last used it. I narrowed my eyes and wrinkled my nose. “Hmm. Someone's been naughty.”

He was already giving in to the pleasure of my slick hand sliding over both of us. “No I haven't.”

“Really?” I chuckled aloud. “You haven't been relieving yourself with, oh say, a dark-haired handsome brat?”

We both grunted when I started sliding my hands down repeatedly.

“I haven't touched him,” he said when I paused to flick my fingers over his nipples. He hissed and added, “Which means you lost, since you had a frolic with your pretty Kira last night.”

I bared my teeth at his smile. “Who said I was even betting?”

“You did.”

I rewarded him with a hard twist to his nipples and his mouth twitched with the sudden shock. I licked from his sternum to the base of his neck and said, “I don't remember anything of that sort.”

My hands worked faster, mixing up the strokes, while my tongue explored the well-traveled terrain of his neck and shoulders. The feel of his erection and mine sliding together was driving me crazy. I got off my lover and sat back, spreading my legs and pushing my lubricated fingers into myself. I was dripping with need; he watched greedily as I sought for my pleasure deep within. Then he reached out with his right hand and gently pressed it against my lower abdomen and slid his hand down. Shuddering, I sought control and pulled my hand away from me. “Get on me,” I ordered brashly, my breaths coming in short, sharp pants.

He did as commanded, but kept the pace agonizingly slow. Eventually I got fed up and gripped his waist hard, wanting him _in_ me already. He slathered more lube on himself before sliding in. my breath caught in my throat as the sensation of being filled overwhelmed the senses; when I shifted my hips at last, his first thrust made me cry out with the impact of his force.

It felt so bone-meltingly good, his warm weight and clever mouth and skillful hands and that hot, large erection pounding into me. I grabbed him as we kissed sloppily, open-mouthed and wet and warm. His eyes had grown dark with want, and his hair was mussed with that stubborn lock hanging insistently over his brow. I drank him in. as I felt my pleasure crest I clenched about him, wanting him to bind me physically into his frame. When his thrusts pushed me into climax he clamped his mouth over my lips, his hips flexing and then locking as he emptied his seed into me.

When we parted, he carefully rolled onto his back and examined the clock beside the bed. I rested my forearm over his chest and checked the time too. We still had half an hour.

My lower lip stung; when did he bite me? Disregarding that minor matter, I kissed his chest. “Still up for another round?”

He glanced at me with both eyebrows raised. His fingers traced filigree patterns over my arms; I nudged his groin with my hip. We began groping each other, ignoring the sticky mess about our lower halves. Then I glanced down. “Hmm. I guess you are up for another round,” I quipped.

“Smartmouth.” He turned me about, slid a hand under my right knee and parted my legs. “You ready?”

xxxxx

Kyoraku's idea of a party was all-night drinking. I dutifully attended, and slipped out once I had purchased almost a third of the store's collection of sake and spread them in front of the captain. The rest of the third were not there; only Utagawa, the fifth, ninth and eleventh seats, and a scattering of sixteenth seats turned up. I treated them to the wine and got away as politely as I could.

As I strolled down the avenue, I suddenly felt a large presence. “Zaraki-taichou.”

“You're not drinking wi' them,' he said, emerging from the shadowy corner ahead.

“No need to,” I said. “I've had enough to drink last night. No reason to do the same for today.”

The immensely tall shinigami studied me with his uncovered eye. “Congratulations,” he said at last. “I hope you're gonna do a good job with these people dependin' on ya.”

I eyed him cautiously. “I'll do what I'm s'posed ta do. No more, no less.”

“That's the spirit.” He smiled, a white, vicious curve that was somehow friendly also. He then looked up and held out his arms. In a second, a pink-haired girl bounced into his embrace.

“Ken-chan!” Yachiru chirped. “You timed it correctly again! Yay!”

He scoffed at her exuberance, but nonetheless waited until she had climbed to her customary perch over his shoulder before he sauntered off. As the tall figure made a right turn, I suddenly wondered if Aizen-sama had underestimated Zaraki Kenpachi.

And why on earth was Kyoraku Shunsui trying to become my friend?

 


	82. 82.

Kyoraku Shunsui did not let up on getting to know me better. It was becoming tiresome; the only time he left me alone for the entire day was when I fled to the sanctuary of the Eleventh Division. I wished I had Kira with me to alleviate the irritation, but the interns had already returned to the Academy.

At the moment I was lazing about in the third division, munching on dried persimmons. Utagawa was learning how to manifest his zanpakuto spirit and was doing a dismal job. I read the shinigami rolls, trying to locate a name.

I smiled humorlessly to myself. _Gotcha._

“You there,” I called to one of the unranked shinigami. “Get Komatsuzaki here.”

“He's out on duty at the Western gate-” the girl began but I cut her off with a smile.

“And your point is?” I asked.

She bobbed her head in an approximation of a bow and scurried off to fetch the man. I scanned down the list of names again. None of any import, as far as I knew; there were few of promise, and fewer of threat. Utagawa was retiring to the Academy once I have Kira waiting in the wings, but that could take up to a decade. The blond was smart and strong, but he lacked confidence in projecting these qualities. Hopefully a stint in the Fourth would show his capability to greater effect than possible at other divisions. At least then I would have little opposition to getting him to be my lieutenant.

I felt Aizen-sama arrive, his reiatsu coiled about him in a storm of fury.

“Why?” he asked softly.

I nibbled at a persimmon. “Why not?” _I did what I wanted to._

Aizen-sama inhaled deeply. ' _That was my family house. Have you any idea it took before I could buy it back? How much I sacrificed to get it back?'_

 _No,_ I retorted. _You never told me. How the hell would I know?_

The sting of his fury rippled through both our souls. I knew it took him great effort to keep his reiatsu from lashing out. _'Because of some random whim, some passing fancy... Gin, how could you do this?'_ I could feel his pain. _'That was my_ _gift_ _to you. Did it mean that little?'_

I let my reiatsu wrap about him slowly. He did not shake it off. _It meant a lot. But that is all in the past._ I shifted to gaze up at him. _I burned it down because it was holding you back, holding you to the past. It kept you from leaving. I didn't understand at first, but then I knew. You couldn't leave because you still have some vague sense of belonging with this place._

 _'We still can't leave,'_ he stated evenly. _'Nothing is in place.'_

He was still not acknowledging his past. I looked at him. _But at least now there is nothing holding you back, Aizen-sama. And I am ready to follow too._

Aizen-sama placed a hand on my shoulder and gripped it. I forced myself to relax as his grip tightened. ' _You presume too much, Gin. I did not ask that you destroy my link with my past.'_

_I am my own agent in this. I thought it ought to be done._

His fingers clenched onto bone. Instead of continuing along that line of discussion he said, “We will need to discuss our mission soon.”

“Send the underlings,” I answered. “That's what they're there for.”

“As captains we have to see that it starts well and that procedures are followed,” he said, though I knew he was allowing his anger to abate. His reiatsu twined with mine, signaling his understanding. “Once the squads have been tested once or twice, then we can allow the fifth seat or lower to direct the missions.”

I beamed at him. “Let me make my own decisions, hmm?”

“Of course,” he replied. _'You have grown up, Gin.'_

 _I grew up a long time ago,_ I answered. _You just did not wish to see it._

He shook his head and left as silently as he came.

xxxxx

The Komatsuzaki fellow reported after Aizen-sama had left. I wrinkled my nose in distaste; he was a bony man with an overly large nose. His ratty eyes darted right and left before he knelt at my feet.

“Taichou, you wanted me?”

 _Never in a million years._ “I wanted to see you,” I said. “You have been in the third for some years. Now at... tenth seat, yes? Guarding the Western Gate?”

“Yes taichou.”

“I want you to take up the sixth seat and see to hollow incursions as of tomorrow.” I shut the roll. “You have already shown yourself capable of leading teams. I think you can play a larger role.”

He appeared surprised by the unexpected promotion. “Uh, thank you, taichou.”

I waved him off. In a week or so he would join the exploratory team in Hueco Mundo. I supposed the hungrier hollows would be able to stomach him. A slow, lingering death would satisfy me, and be fitting for him, something I should let Stark know.

xxxxx

The meeting about Aizen-sama's new initiative dragged on longer than it should have. Other than needling Byakuya – that boy really needed to learn to relax – I paid scant attention. Only in the first part, when they outlined the purpose and the strategy was I alert; the rest of the time I allowed my thoughts to wander.

It seemed a long time since I actually ventured out of Seireitei, out of being a shinigami. Much as I was loath to leave my lover, I finally felt that I was free. I could hear the siren call of temptations over the tall walls that separated us from Rukongai, the sweet songs of debauchery and bacchanalia out in the hicks.

I flicked an eye over to Tousen who was talking to Komamura. That arrogant blind prude probably had never known the pleasure in a bad woman's arms, or even the pleasure of a skilled boy. Kyoraku caught me looking and tipped his head. I twitched my lips as a sort of greeting but ignored him after that.

_'You're drifting.'_

_You're peeking._

_'You're broadcasting. What are you up to now?'_

_Me? Just thinking if I ought to head out tonight or tomorrow. I heard there is a new biwa player who's attracting a lot of attention._

Aizen-sama's mental tone indicated his disbelief but he didn't comment further. I leaned back in my chair, waiting for the old man to finish his wheeze.

xxxxx

Perhaps I had the best timing in the world. As I sauntered past Matsumoto towards Kurosawa's office, I heard him and Aizen-sama talking about our relationship. Aizen-sama explained how he preferred our lovemaking far more than the wild experimentation we tried in the early days.

I smiled with reminiscence and longing. He was right – we had had a lot of fun in the beginning with our toys, and I would forever cherish the feel of adrenaline coursing through my veins whenever he reveled in his native cruelty. However I always felt most loved and adored when he took his time to savor me, and allowed me to do the same.

It was time for my entrance before Kurosawa's line of questioning became offensive. I pushed the door open. “Y'know, it ain't nice to talk about a person behind his back.”

I took a place at the low table without waiting for him to invite me in. His glare spoke volumes of his irritation. To him, I was still just another boy. I ignored the vitriol in his stare and helped myself to some sake. “Came by to see if we could talk over the details of this mission thing you three wise men came up with. Instead I hear someone being extremely inquisitive about what should be private – and someone who indulged his curiosity.”

“Kurosawa Shino and I have been friends for a very long time, Gin,” Aizen-sama said, a warning tone evident to me.

I ignored that as well. I was getting good at that, and I knew he wasn't pleased about it. “Yes, and I had been your lover for a long time too. I did not appreciate hearing our privacy invaded.”

Now that I was a free man, I intended to make full use of it. No, Aizen-sama was not pleased about that at all. I was rather satisfied with that choler seething beneath his calm veneer; it was always entertaining to have a banked fire in him, waiting to lash out at any unsuspecting victim who would die not knowing what caused his demise. And the best part was that I got to watch.

“Alright, my bad, okay?” Kurosawa blurted and cut into the tension between my lover and me. Stupid man. He raised his sake cup and said, “I'll drink, we'll discuss and let's get Tousen back from his hole. Matsumoto! Where has that girl gone? MATSUMOTO!”

“Yes taichou?” she asked, eventually deigning to answer her captain.

“Ask Tousen-taichou to come by. We're talking business now.”

“I'm heading out to Rukongai, the new supply of cosmetics have arrived. I'll send a hell butterfly for you, taichou,” she answered perkily and flounced off before a sake cup could land on her.

Kurosawa scowled. “Tch. Flighty bimbo.”

“She's not flighty, nor is she a bimbo,” I corrected. “Beneath that gorgeous mane of hair and that fabulous rack, she has a mind sharp as steel and a heart of gold.”

“Sounds like a hard and unyielding woman to me,” Aizen-sama put in evenly. He was definitely rattled. “Then again, you know her better than we do.”

I smiled brightly at him. “Aye, that I do.”

xxxxx

Aizen-sama's anger did not abate at the end of the meeting, but he managed to show very little of it other than the taut ripple of fury through our bond. I skipped out of Seireitei merrily after I bade them goodbye and, as I traveled past the gate borders, I felt a tendril of inquiry from Aizen-sama. I tightened my mental shields. To my surprise he could not find a way to wriggle past the blocks I enacted.

Maybe I _had_ grown up.

I just had to follow the crowd to get to the drinking place where the _biwa_ player performed nightly. As soon as I had a clear view of the dais at the far wall, I understood the attraction: the musician was exquisite, and looked like Byakuya's younger brother. When he started singing to his music I was transfixed. His voice flowed like a never-ending stream, soothing and low, revealing mysteries to the deepest parts of my soul; his melody sang of a desire so profound, I sensed tears at the corners of my eyes though I knew I was not sorrowful. I insinuated forward through the throng until I had an unimpeded view of the player.

Though his song was melancholic, his expression was not. The cool gaze he awarded the audience as his fingers strummed was exactly the gaze Byakuya would cast on a subordinate who had done well. The _biwa_ musician was only a step above a street performer, but he commanded the scene like the best general over his soldiers. The only hint of sorrow was in his eyes – dark green, not gray like Byakuya's.

When the music stopped, there was a short spell of silence before thunderous applause broke out. Silvers and coppers fell into the discreetly-placed box placed at the edge of the dais. The _biwa_ musician stood and bowed, his raven locks falling over his shoulder in an ink-black stream.

“Another song!” someone cried out. The cry was soon taken up by many others. The player hesitated and glanced about, before taking a seat again and picking up his instrument.

I smiled – I had seen the momentary triumph in his eyes. This was an extraordinary young man. If not for his weak reiatsu, I would seriously consider recommending him to Aizen-sama.

xxxxx

Like many others I stayed for the entirety of the _biwa_ player's performance. He had rested only twice, citing a need to refresh his voice, but I knew he had taken the payments to the back to split the take with the establishment's owner.

At the end of the evening the _biwa_ player made his final bow and retired to a room upstairs. While the other patrons clamored for him to return, I squeezed my way past them to the drinking house's owner.

“Sir, are there rooms for rent above?” I asked, slipping ten silvers into his palm.

“We do not function as an inn-” he began, and then added with a wide smile when I pressed ten more silvers to him, “-but for customers who have drunk a little too much, we do have one more room. You might need to go up from the back stairs though.”

“There have been others, haven't there?” I inquired as he led me via a side exit to the back.

“There are many who asked,” he answered, “but I seldom answer. Most times there is no way. But for a Gotei captain, there are many ways.”

I wasn't surprised that I was recognized. How many shinigami had silver hair? “Have you told him?”

“Not yet, sir,” he said.

“Good,” I said. “Don't. I wish for this liaison to be hassle-free.”

“Yes sir. I shall leave you now. The room is the second one on the left.” He grinned and stepped away soundlessly.

I looked at the candlelit window. “Thank you.”

xxxxx

He opened on the second knock. “I don't believe you're the one I instructed to fetch some hot water,” he said coolly and tried to close the door.

I placed a hand on it and kept the door open. “I came up the back way.”

He did not smile, but there was a gleam of comprehension in his dark eyes. “I see. Good evening.”

He took three steps back. “Please, come in.”

“Good evening to you too,” I said. His room was simply accented with indigo and white, the shades of rural life. “You have a beautiful voice.”

“Thank you,” he answered, though I knew he had no interest in that praise.

“What I admired more, however, was the way you could devote yourself to detail without ever losing sight of the big picture.”

He stared impassively at me. “Really? And how did you see that, sir? You've only ever seen me play once.”

“What is your name?” I asked.

“Should not the visitor announce himself first?”

“Indeed, where are my manners? I am called Tsukino Yuki.”

“A suitable name for one as fair as you,” he commented. “And very similar to mine. I am Kitamura Fuyuki.”

I tilted my head and examined him from head to toe. He stood proud, like any noble, despite the starkness of his surrounds and the plain cotton robes he was wearing. I smiled. “Were you from the northern Rukongai?”

“When I was alive, I was born in a northern village,” he answered, taking a seat opposite and pouring two cups of tea. “So I took that surname. I cannot remember much of my days as a human, but I do remember the aching cold.”

“And so you are the snowy winter of the northern village,” I sipped from the cup proffered to me, “whereas I am the snow in the moon field. I'd say we have affinity.”

He chuckled, a lovely sound. “I'd say you have the best pick-up lines.” He bent closer. “I can tell you are no ordinary man.”

“No,” I conceded. “But I have the needs of all men.”

Fuyuki rested his chin in his hands, his green eyes guileless and innocent. “Not all men, I am sure.”

I matched his stance, my nose almost touching his. “At that, I would disagree. Any man who heard you play the _biwa_ tonight will have the same need.”

“You wish to hear me play the _biwa_ again?” he asked, a slight challenge in the curve of his lips.

I let my lips ghost over his mouth. “I want you to be my _biwa_ tonight.”

At that, Fuyuki's tongue darted out to touch my lips. “Is that why you have such elegant fingers?” he teased, coming around the table to settle in my lap. “I wonder if you know how to use them?”

I grinned at his seductive boldness. “Let's find out.”

 

 


	83. 83.

The air was warm, though we were edging into autumn, and the leaves were yet to redden. Fuyuki walked sedately beside me as we explored the byways and alleys of that particular section of Rukongai. It was a much better place than where I came from, of course; that had been a place where there were no rats, because even the rats had been eaten, and the gutters were clean, because no one could afford to throw things away.

“How long have you been here?” I inquired as we stepped into a small shop selling chopsticks.

“About two months, three at the outside,” he answered absently, examining a pair of silver-tipped chopsticks. “First month was spent on the streets, and then the Silver-Crested Heron offered me a stage and a place to stay.” He cast me an impish grin. “And occasionally directed _interesting_ people to meet with me.”

I slipped an arm about his waist. “So I gather I am an _interesting_ person?”

“Yes you are,” he cooed teasingly. “And an incorrigible flirt. How many have you been _interesting_ with, anyway?”

We left the shop after purchasing the silver-tipped chopsticks he liked. “No idea. I never really counted. I doubt my addition skills are that good.”

“That many?”

“As if you believed a word I said.”

“I do know shinigami live longer than us common souls,” he remarked. “I wouldn't be surprised if you have had hundreds of girls and boys in your bed.”

I halted. “You know I am shinigami?”

Fuyuki nodded. “The truth will out when you are least guarded.” He tiptoed and whispered near my ear, his breath warm puffs stirring the fine hairs near the cheek. “Whenever we made love, I could feel you and your reiatsu surrounding me. It is, pardon my language, fucking amazing.”

“In that case,” I whispered in return, “would you like to tell me my real name?”

“Why should I? I'm enjoying Yuki so much,” he answered with a short laugh. He sauntered ahead, turned around and tilted his head coyly. “Will you be coming by this evening?”

I smiled. “Yup, I will.”

xxxxx

I could feel Aizen-sama seeking my mind. I closed him out. He wasn't the only one finding new avenues of interest.

The data scrolled down the screens and I examined the records carefully. Nothing of major interest: date of entrance into Soul Society, date of admission into and graduation from the academy, date of marriage (if applicable), names and further information on kin, known associates and such. Aizen-sama's was extensive, and I was unsurprised to find that most of his 'associates' had disappeared or died in the line of duty. Some survivors were in the Maggot's Nest, and unlikely to ever speak to anyone about my captain. A few were still operating out in the open, like myself, Tousen, and Kai Mizuki.

Hmm. She had been laying exceedingly low for the past few years, even in her post as lieutenant to Byakuya. Now and then there were news of her being posted overseas to other Societies, acting as inter-society liaison. It had irritated Aizen-sama that she was not reporting directly to him, but since he had his own contacts that minor inconvenience had been brushed aside. I opened her dossier again. I had read it recently, but now I was looking for other details.

There were no names under the sub-folder on blood kin.

_She isn't Yamamoto's great-grandniece. She isn't anyone's relation, none of any importance._

_Why the deception?_

I closed the folder and erased the history of my browsing. The screens rolled up, out of sight and detection, and I opened the windows again after keying in the security passwords. Utagawa waited until I had opened the door again.

“He's here again,” he said.

I knew who my lieutenant was referring to and groaned. “Not again. Doesn't the man get a hint?”

“Doubt it,” said Utagawa, a ghost of a smile. “I shall have tea sent around.”

“Make the tea really, really strong. And bitter. And lukewarm.”

“Just like the last time.”

“Exactly like the last time.” After he walked off I schooled my expression into the usual smile and subtracted all warmth from it. No need to encourage him. As I trudged to the main office I was welcomed by a huge smile and whiff of alcohol.

“Gin-san!”

“Kyoraku-taichou, how are you planning to impose on us today?” I said.

He affected a pout. Cute, if I was blind and had Tousen's sense of humor. “You don't seem happy to see me.”

“As you can see, we are busy analyzing the biannual reports.” I raised an eyebrow and deepened the not-friendly-at-all grin. “And I am sure Ise-fukutaichou has some papers for you to go over. In fact, why don't I call her over now?”

His eyes widened comically. “You wouldn't.”

“Wanna bet?” asked a feminine voice from the other entryway. Ise Nanao shifted her glasses. “Taichou, you've bothered Ichimaru-taichou long enough. I have two weeks' worth of status reports for you to vet, and if you dare skive off this time I'll tell Unohana-taichou you've been sneaking in to steal from her supply of medicinal whiskey.”

Kyoraku scowled. “I didn't do that.”

“You'll have a hard time disproving that,” I answered. “Thanks, Ise-san. Much appreciated. Now maybe we can get some real work done.”

As the captain trailed after his lieutenant, I could hear him wheedling for extensions on the deadlines.

Utagawa emerged from the walkway, amused. “That went according to plan,” he said.

“I figured he would hear our conversation,” I snickered. “Anyway, do get the reports organized. Division squads four, five and six, go to briefing room two. All division squad leaders to come along too, in case of last-minute personnel changes.”

The members scurried off. I still preferred the fifth division's efficiency, though this group was slowly shaping up to my standards. At least they were obedient. The few that had grumbled about my promotion had already been transferred out, mostly to the twelfth division. Kurotsuchi had been rather snide about my sending them to him, but he had always been snide.

xxxxx

In the evening as I was setting out to meet Fuyuki at the drinking house, I heard Aizen-sama in the back of my mind. Ducking into an alley and leaning against it, making sure that I was hidden from view, I linked with his thoughts.

_Whatcha talking about behind my back, Aizen-sama?_

He seemed surprised to hear my query. ' _I didn't know you were listening in. Who have you been talking to in Hueco Mundo?'_

_Stark. Syazel. Nothing in particular, really. I was bored._

_'And I suppose you've instructed them to keep out of our way while we are in Hueco Mundo?'_

_Under pain of pain, yes._ I smirked. Syazel had been defiant and rude, but after Stark taught him some manners he apologized, if in a rather hoarse and damaged voice.

_'How have you been? I haven't met up with you for some time.'_

_I'm good. I'm spending my time productively._ I heard his mental snort. _And you've been busy with Ukitake-san and Kyoraku-san? I heard about the tea session._ And that was through Kyoraku-san; he had been put out about not beating Aizen-sama in a chess game.

_'They are suspicious of me. Or rather, Kyoraku-san is; I can't read Ukitake Jyuushiro well.'_

_You want I should try? Kyoraku's been bugging me anyway._

Aizen-sama sighed _. 'Please do. Get them off my back.'_

_And onto their own?_

The suggestion wasn't unnoticed. ' _Ukitake I might consider, but definitely not Kyoraku.'_

 _I thought Hisagi Shuuhei was working out for you,_ I said, knowing that I had picked him out of the possible candidates for a reason.

_'The art of seduction is a slow process, my dear Gin.'_

I rolled my eyes. _Just fuck him already._

 _'I enjoy the chase,'_ he said simply.

 _Fine. In the meantime, I shall enjoy my_ biwa _player._

My captain's tone was one of polite inquiry. _'Does he really look like Byakuya?'_

 _Oh, you have no idea how much._ I broke the connection swiftly before my inner glee was revealed.

Although he had his own special traits, it was very easy to imagine Fuyuki was Byakuya, a debauched Byakuya spreading his legs for me. It was a vicarious pleasure, but both Fuyuki and I knew we were just playing around. He would even put on a certain expression just to enhance the likeness, after discovering how much I had enjoyed him when he had that half-scowl with his eyes narrowed; one day I would find something that looked like Byakuya's hair thingies – whatever they were called – and play dress up. Now that would really be fun.

Before I could step out of Seireitei, a hell butterfly flitted over a roof and landed on my nose. “ _Base secured. Ready for third and fifth divisions.”_

 _Shit. Just as I was looking forward to some time with Fuyuki. Can't be helped._ I glared at the buttefly which took the hint and flew off. A hint of crimson hair caught my attention. Maybe it was someone who could help me send a message.

“You there, with the red hair,” I called out. The person froze and then trotted out meekly. It was Abarai Renji, muttering something under his breath. “Abarai-kun, what are you doing out now? Students are supposed to remain in the academy compound except for rest days.”

“Good evening Ichimaru-taichou. Uh, well, I was planning to get something for someone and um, lost track of time.” He shifted from foot to foot.

I arched one eyebrow. “Really.”

He seemed to wilt slightly under the calm gaze. “Don't report me, please?”

I shook my head. “I won't. The gods know how often I sneaked out.” My grin brightened. “You're in luck you met me. I needed someone to deliver a message, and you need an excuse to be out roaming. This” I handed him a token “is my division's pass. If you meet any shinigami who questioned your wandering outside, tell them you're on an errand from me. Which you are.”

“Uh, thanks Ichimaru-taichou.” Abarai rubbed his nose, slightly abashed. “What is the errand?”

“You know the Silver-Crested Heron? The drinking house?”

“Yes.”

I handed him another item, a fan that I promised Fuyuki. “Go there and pass the fan to Kitamura Fuyuki. He's expecting me, but official business came up. Tell him that, and that I will meet with him when I get back.”

The redheaded student nodded and headed out to Rukongai. I sighed and made my way back to the office to rouse my squad leaders and get them ready for the mission.

 

 


	84. 84.

****The temperature in Hueco Mundo was still as stiflingly cold as before. I wrapped the cloak tighter about me, wishing I could find a reason to inveigle myself into the bedroom in Las Noches. Better yet, inveigle myself into Aizen-sama's bedroll. That would warm me up nicely.

However, I had to endure the biting chill while my teams ran forward in groups of five, quartering the search area meticulously. I felt little loyalty from them; understandable, since I was new.

Aizen-sama and Tousen came up to the hillock. Tousen's cloak billowed extravagantly. Aizen-sama's cloak was more securely fastened by a plain black hook. We three captains allowed our reiatsu to merge and expand as we tried to sense the minutest disturbance.

I tried to hide my dislike of Tousen's reiatsu. He left a bitter aftertaste in the mouth whenever our reiatsu had to interact. There was no ripple indicating a presence, even on the very edge of our radar. The teams were out in case something that was good at masking itself was there.

Aizen-sama turned off his microphone and we did the same. “I need you two to prepare,” he said gravely.

“Prepare for?” I asked, eyes scanning the horizon. The team leaders reported that it was still calm.

“Identify future leaders for your divisions and groom them. They must be competent enough.”

I caught his brown eyes and smiled with understanding. _Enough_ was the key word.

“When should they be ready?” Tousen inquired.

“I have not found the hougyoku. Nevertheless, once the increase in hollows in Hueco Mundo begin to slow, that would be the time. It would be serendipitous if I can get hold of Urahara's discovery, but even if I didn't, it matters little.”

Tousen was silent for a long beat. “We risk much.”

“Are you chickening out?” I taunted deliberately.

Tousen's lip curled slightly. Good to know he had some sort of expression beyond dour. “I am no coward, Ichimaru.”

“Prove it.”

“I would love to teach you some manners-”

“-except your manners were taught by Miss Prudence fifteen centuries ago-”

“Gin, Kaname. Your behavior is not appropriate to your stations.” Aizen-sama flashed me a warning glare when I stuck my tongue out at the blind shinigami. He flicked the communit on again and walked away, leaving me and Tousen to not bicker.

xxxxx

Returning to Seireitei three afternoons from when we left, the first thing I did was to delegate the Hueco Mundo mission to Utagawa. It wasn't that it was a thankless and mind-numbing job; it was being that close to my lover and not being able to touch him.

Needless to say, once Utagawa had the full instructions from me, I fled the division for some fun and games. It was daylight and technically office hours, but I had had enough of responsibility for the day.

Fuyuki was brushing his sinfully luscious hair when I found him in his room. With little fanfare I shut and locked the door before I shoved him to the futon.

“I have a performance in an hour,” he warned me, a finger on my lips.

“Be quiet,” I told him, nipping at the digit. His robe was easy to part once the belt was undone and I barely bothered with preparations. He hissed with pain when I pushed into him, his exquisite brow crinkling and his mouth parting to allow his tongue to wet his dry lips. I merely watched him writhe, my hips thrusting rhythmically, my eyes half-lidded as I savored the much-needed heat that enveloped my arousal.

“Mmm... I've missed you,” he confessed softly as we moved together, skin beginning to dampen with sweat. Dark raven hair spilled over his shoulders as he arched his white neck, baring it for my scrutiny. I pinched his nipples hard and he gasped, startled and further aroused.

“You've been playing,” I murmured hoarsely, bending to lick at a dark mark.

He chuckled, the tremors echoing through his abdomen. “I thought... I thought you sent him to me for my – ah! – my enjoyment. So good... I missed this... harder, please, more, please...”

I licked his clavicles and up the arched white column to nibble on his lower lip. “Naughty, naughty, Fuyuki.” I slowed and stopped, though my lower body screamed at me to continue. “Tell me how it unfolded.”

“Get out of me first,” he ordered breathlessly. He looked ravishing with his cheeks pink and lips reddened. He got to the door, swaying a little, and told the proprietor of the Silver-crested Heron that he was feeling unwell and would not be playing that night.

I laughed softly. “You'll be playing all right,” I told him.

Fuyuki wrinkled his perfect nose at me before catching his lower lip in his teeth, the very picture of coy seduction. “You wanted to know how it unfolded.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Tell me.”

“Well, for starters, he was really shy and unable to look me in the eyes.” The young man pulled his belt from the futon where I had left it and bound it over mine. The loss of sight didn't bother me much; it wasn't the first time I was blindfolded. My hearing and sense of smell focused on Fuyuki. “I ran my hand up his arm to thank him for sending the message and the fan,” the _biwa_ player cooed next to my ear, “and the big lug blushed.”

“Heh. What did you do then?”

His mouth slid over my jaw and then a warm, wet tongue thrust into my welcoming mouth. “I asked him in to have the dessert I had prepared for you.”

“Dessert, hmm?” I caught Fuyuki's slim waist in my arms and slipped a hand under the hem to caress a silky thigh. “And it was...?”

“Would you believe it was his favorite? A red bean pastry I'd learn to make from my landlord.” He nuzzled under my jaw, his moist breath sending sharp signals to my groin. He straddled my lap. “I climbed into his lap when he was unguarded. Best blush _ever_.”

I positioned his mouth where I could kiss him. My tongue probed as deeply as I could go while he whined and jerked his hips forward. One of my hands wrapped about his erection and thumbed the wet tip of his cock. He whimpered into my mouth and I did it again. This time his fingers clawed into my shoulders.

“And then?” I asked huskily, my free hand rubbing circles in the small of his back.

“Then I wriggled and asked if he could take your place for that night... he hemmed and – nngh, again, again – and hawed but with some persuasion – oh gods – persuasion he stayed. Oh, he really stayed.” He nibbled my ear. “I think – nnnmmm – he has a crush on me.”

I panted, my fingers working deep into his heat. “Slut,” I purred. “I leave you for three nights... and you bed a youngster... you're beggin' fer some punishment, y'know?”

“Oh? It's not like we're pledged t'each other, sir,” he drawled, hips rolling and pushing back on my fingers. “Man... that boy? _Stamina_ , baby.”

With a growl I ripped the blindfold off. “Stamina? I'll show you stamina.”

“Go on,” he challenged, “I'm waiting.”

xxxxx

It was way past midnight when I left Fuyuki's room. The musician was blissfully asleep, though he was definitely going to be sore the next day. Perhaps I should pull a Kuchiki Byakuya and have Fuyuki live with me in my quarters.

The idea had merit, especially since the stuffy sixth division captain would get to meet my current lover. The more I thought about it, the more certain I wanted it. The moon waxed gibbous above; I thought of the eternal crescent in Hueco Mundo.

_World unchanging._

_'It wasn't always stagnant,'_ a voice murmured. I held the mind close, loving the closeness of his presence. _'You've been broadcasting since you left your division, love.'_

_Sorry about that. Did I disrupt anything?_

He laughed softly. _'No, not really.'_ The phantom caress he sent via the mental link made me ache with longing again. It was good to bury myself in another's body, but he was the only one who satisfied me fully. He caught that thought. _'Come over then. It's the fifth on patrol tonight, and I'm sure no one will report your late night visit to my place.'_

I could not shunpo fast enough. His heavy wooden door was locked and I made my way over the wall, landing on carefully raked pine needles. The scent of cut grass assailed my nose and I shook my head, trying to clear it.

Aizen-sama was in the bedroom, alone. He regarded me as I stood on the threshold of the porch, still in my shinigami uniform, and then he broke into a wide smile. “Come in, love. I've missed you.”

The same words, the same words and yet only he had the ability to make me burst into tears at such simple affection. He came over to me and scooped me into his arms, carrying me to bed. I clung to him, my fingers digging into his sleeping robe, inhaling the musk and amber of his being. He rocked me tenderly as he kissed me on the brow, the cheeks, my lips. I wove my fingers into his thick brown hair, pressing him close, my tongue begging entry. I heard soft whining and realized I was the source; he crooned deep in his throat as he soothed me.

“I love you, I love you,” I whispered brokenly. “I love you so much.”

“It's only been a few weeks,” he admonished. His clever hands were sliding between my legs, though they avoided my groin and focused on light butterfly caresses along my inner thighs.

I pressed kisses all over his jawline. “Too many weeks, and not enough contact.”

“There's never enough contact, love,” he answered softly. “And we do need to cultivate a sense of distance between us...”

“Then why are you groping me?”

He smiled again, a crooked yet utterly charming smile. “I've really missed you, Gin. May I?” He retrieved some bottle from the side.

I nodded. He slicked his right hand and then smeared the oil down the back of my legs. On seeing my perplexed face, he rubbed my nose with his. “Later, Gin. I'm not letting you sleep tonight, but I don't want to wear you out either. We'll start with this.”

His fingers stroked leisurely along my muscles, massaging and kneading, and I felt my eyelids grow heavier with each practiced motion. I did spend the evening making love to another. His weight shifted and he was now leaning over me, his lips brushing tender kisses along my spine. I could feel myself slipping into a drowsy state and he was not about to speed up.

When he finally rested his weight on me, the feel of his warm skin on my cool body was electrifying. His reiatsu crashed down fully and pinned me under him. My own reiatsu struggled to answer the challenge; I could not breathe properly, barely able to inhale, and my arousal grew heavier with the restraint. He parted my legs and sank his teeth into the back of my neck. When I cried out, his hold tightened until I was writhing madly beneath him.

Breathing heavily, Aizen-sama grabbed me around the waist and sat us up, turning us around to look out the doorway. A full-length mirror stood there and I gasped as the erotic image we presented: my legs spread to either side of his, my erection full and proud, my neck arched for his mouth and his tongue, one of his hands on my nipples and the other pushing fingers into me. When he scissored his fingers I squeezed my eyes shut. It had been too long.

“More,” I demanded breathlessly. “More.”

He murmured a soft spell and suddenly I felt invisible bindings snap around my shin and thighs, keeping my legs bent. My wrists locked to my ankles, spreading me further open and forcing me to arch my back. He shifted so that we were in profile in the reflections. One dark lock of wavy hair had fallen in front of his eyes, which enhanced his intense gaze rather than detract from them.

“Watch yourself as you ride me,” he ordered in a low growl. There was a strange smile on his face as he lifted me to his hips. “Tell me... tell me what you see, tell me how much you love seeing yourself being fucked.”

I almost came, hearing that vulgar word slip past his lips. He shoved himself in me and I bit down on my lower lip. A line of blood inched its way down to my chin, where he lapped it up.

“Talk to me, lover,” he commanded again. His mouth was deliciously hot against my ear. “Tell me how much you want this.”

“I see... I see my eyes, I see myself trying to keep watching.”

“Go on, love.”

“My mouth – is dry. I can't... I want to lick you, my tongue keeps pushing on my lips, my breath – quickens.” I swallowed. “Hair – damp with sweat now. Clinging to cheeks, to eyes. I tilt my head back further so... so you can mark me again... with your tongue, teeth.”

He did precisely that, though not as strongly as earlier.

“Your hands are – are squeezing my ass, feels great – and each time you flex your fingers I – ah – I jerk my hips – forward.” I panted and blinked rapidly. “My skin... flushed, pink. Too warm, too long since... so good.”

He retrieved something from under the pillows. “Some more, Gin, love.”

“You wrap your hands on my cock,” I described. “And you – pump, hard, slow, but hard, and then trail the pre-come... all down – nngh – please, do that again – all down and up and around the – aaah!”

Aizen-sama shushed me gently, his fingers never slowing in the stimulation of the head.

I swallowed again, messily. “I can't control – there is a line of drool – losing focus, but you keep stroking and it feels fantastic...”

“I brought a toy home from the Fourth too,” he said, carefully unrolling a thin tube. He steadied my bobbing erection as I tried to catch my breath, and then thumbed the slit at the tip. I choked and my fingers gripped my ankles tightly. “Keep talking, love.”

“I wonder what you brought... been a long time since we used – toys – oh. Oh gods. You... slide that tube – in, like, oh gods, oh gods – Aizen-sama, I can't... you use, use reiatsu and enter – en-enter – Aizen-sama, please, I can't, enter me, please, please.”

“I have,” he stated, carefully sliding the tube in and out. I shrieked but I could not move. “Stay still, Gin. You don't want to hurt yourself now.”

My tears were not feigned. I tried to hold back the whimper as he lifted me easily and pushed in. When he began thrusting I cried out again. He shoved three fingers in my mouth and made me suck on them, which I did greedily. The thin length of plastic felt alien and invasive; I desperately needed to come.

He kept thrusting deeper until his hips stuttered and he went rigid. Then his free hand, not the one supporting me, slid down and pulled the tube out. I came immediately without further stimulation, thick white strands that coated my belly. Not even for Fuyuki did I respond this lustily.

When he removed the binding spell and my limbs could straighten out properly, I fell to the bed in an ungainly heap.

“Can't move,” I mumbled. He chuckled. Soon he was cleaning me off with a warm towel and I purred with pleasure. Rolling over, I watched him clean himself off. He looked magnificent, all sinews and muscles and smooth skin.

When he climbed in bed with me again, I glanced up. “What are you thinking?” he asked, brushing my fringe aside.

“I wanna blow you,” I told him. “I haven't tasted you in ages.”

He grinned piratically. “Do it then.”

 


	85. 85.

I read through the dossier again. There it was, the tiniest hint that Kai Mizuki was not all she seemed. Closing my eyes, I let my mind roam about for Aizen-sama's presence – there it was.

_Aizen-sama, you mentioned something about getting them off your back._

_'I did.'_

I briefly informed him of what I had just discovered and made an appointment for that night. On the edge of hearing I could sense a faint buzzing – I was being watched. Aizen-sama teased lightly about my vigilance and I merely brushed it off: I wanted to track down the person who dared spy on me.

As soon as I broke off mental communication, my reiatsu expanded in a rush. The device, caught unawares, crackled and snapped with static. It was behind one of my shelves. Stalking over to the dark corner, I yanked the bookshelf aside.

A flat, ribbon-like item was stuck to the wall. Faint blue and green sparks danced over the length of the device and I scowled darkly at it.

_Testing._

The gadget sizzled when I directed the thought at a nebulous form outside. It was something that was tracking the communication link between me and Aizen-sama, I realized, and the question was which bastard placed it there.

That bitch Soi Fon? She had always been suspicious of our supposed breakup. Or Kurotsuchi Mayuri – nothing would give that freak more pleasure than to have dirt on all the different captains. Probably not Komamura nor Kuchiki Byakuya, because both were honorable men. Yamamoto, perhaps, or Kyoraku would be cautious about me, so they had motive. Unohana was too elusive and opaque for me to discern her intentions, and I knew I was guarded against her. Ukitake Jyuushiro? Much as I liked him, that captain was very good friends with the insightful Kyoraku. Or maybe the team in charge of Gotei discipline, Kurosawa, but I trusted Matsumoto to dissuade him if she knew I was being spied on.

I doubted the little invention could decipher our exchanges, since the rings were locked into a specific and unique frequency, but the fact that such an exchange was happening could be damning. For a moment I considered destroying the device.

If I did, would that be considered an admission of future guilt? But if I did, then they would have to admit that they were spying on a captain, a crime tantamount to execution.

I smirked, ripped the flashing ribbon off the wall and ignited it into white ash.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama dropped by before midnight. Rain was pelting the roof and windows, but I wasn't surprised by the lack of dampness around Aizen-sama. I sensed him before I saw him; he had always been an expert in hiding himself.

“I found out something interesting that I doubt even Mizuki-chan knows,” I said. “Wanna see?”

He sat beside me, a column of warmth that I could not help drawing close to. “Show me.”

I typed in the new code and pulled up the file containing information on Kai Mizuki. In the tiny column under personal biodata, there were a few words. To make it more obvious what I had identified, I called up another two files, but I knew Aizen-sama needed no assistance. He already knew all the captains' data by heart.

“You're right, Gin. That is interesting.” Aizen-sama smiled with satisfaction. I smiled too and locked away the files. He kissed me on my forehead.

I looked up, pleased that he was happy. “How do you plan to use this nugget?”

“Ukitake and Kyoraku will be vulnerable,” he pondered aloud, “so would Mizuki, obviously, and also the soutaichou. And Unohana as well. But I cannot use this in a heavy-handed manner...”

“I can,” I interjected. The spying incident earlier still rankled. “After all, I am the guardian to all these private documents.”

He regarded me dispassionately. “And you think you can manipulate them?”

I arched an eyebrow and set out the terms for a bet. “All of them.”

“Sounds like a challenge,” he said, a gleam in his eye.

“When I succeed,” I said, emphasizing the first word, “what do I get?”

He paused to think. “A kiss.”

“Just a kiss?”

“I never said where,” he teased. I pressed my mouth to his and let the storm rage with futile strength outside.

xxxxx

“Taichou, news from the Thirteenth division.” Utagawa bowed when I looked up from my reports. He was graver than usual. “Shiba Kaien died last night, and the hollow that had been killing in the outer regions has been slain.”

I nibbled the end of my brush. Then I shrugged. “Okay.”

Utagawa seemed to wait for more instructions. I glanced up again. “Shoo. You're done. Go away.”

The lieutenant left, confused as to my lack of interest or reaction. Though I did feel a pang of sympathy inside, I was never close to Shiba, so it meant little to me whether he lived or died. Then I straightened. This would be the perfect time to nudge events along. All I needed was a reason – and if Aizen-sama was about to do what I believed he would, it wouldn't be long before Kyoraku Shunsui came sniffing.

xxxxx

Fuyuki brushed out his ebony locks while I lounged on his sleeping pallet.

“You seem preoccupied just now,” he remarked, referring to the time when I sat in a booth listening to his set.

“I've lost a colleague,” I answered obliquely.

He looked at me from the reflection in the mirror. “Did you like him?”

“Enough to greet and go drinking now and then.” I tilted my head. “How did you know we weren't close?”

He ticked off the reasons on his fingers. “Colleague, lack of expression, the fact that you're here listening to my playing, and here in my room on my bed waiting for me... Kind of obvious, really.” The dark-haired musician turned and faced me. “You know that I know why. Why are you testing me?”

“I wanted to see if you'd survive.”

“Survive?”

“In Seireitei.” I smiled at his slow astonishment. “I intend to have you move in with me. If you cannot spot obvious tells, you won't survive a week inside.”

He smirked. “Can't stand sleeping all by your lonesome?”

“Can't stand knowing that when I'm not with you, you find another one to play with.” I curled my finger and beckoned him over, which he complied with a coy smile. “You're as bad as I am.”

“Isn't that the attraction?” he purred as I ran my hands slowly along the tops of his thighs.

“Partly. Partly because you're a good lay.”

“Such sweet talk. I really should just throw you out.”

I smirked in return. “You know I'm as good as you are, and you won't bear to do that.”

“Really.”

“Really really.”

“And if I do move in with you,” he continued, slipping my hands around his slender waist, “what would I do? I'm no shinigami, nor am I much good at other things besides singing, playing the _biwa_ and fucking.”

I kneaded the sore muscles in his back. “Stay with me and be my lover. You want to play music, go ahead. We have bars inside too, and I'm sure there are tons of shinigami who have heard of the lovely Kitamura Fuyuki and are dying to meet you.” I pondered for a moment, and added, “And some I'd really love for you to meet.”

He shrugged and pulled me in for a kiss, effectively shelving the issue.

xxxxx

After Kaien's funeral when Kyoraku Shunsui asked me out for a drink. I regarded him warily.

“Why?”

“Because I'm lonely,” he said simply.

_Aizen-sama, is Ukitake-taichou with you?_

_'He is.'_

_Anything you care to share?_

_'He has sweet-smelling hair. Like clover.'_

The exchange was over in less than three seconds. I tilted my head and studied Kyoraku. Ah yes. The clenched fists, the warrior stance beneath the casual slouch, the tightness about his jaw. The man was raging inside.

“Why me?” I asked, goading his temper. “I'm sure Ukitake-san needs comfort now.”

His upper lip twitched. “He has it. I just want to drink.”

I shrugged and pulled on an outer robe, gesturing for him to lead the way. The man's stride was heavier than usual, and although he tried to make small talk he was mostly focused on something else.

Clover-scented hair, perhaps.

To my surprise he directed us to the Silver-Crested Heron. He had to have heard of my dalliance with Kitamura Fuyuki; it was information spread throughout Seireitei and that district of Rukongai. In fact, I was quite certain that Fuyuki knew my real name, though he always referred to me as Yuki.

“Your new lover,” Kyoraku remarked abruptly, “is he any good?”

“Fuyuki is a wonderful man,” I answered. The proprietor led us to my special table on seeing me with a guest. “Sake, the best you have.”

Kyoraku tugged his haori more securely over his shoulders. As usual, the avenue was packed with Fuyuki's admirers and perhaps some of his _interesting_ customers. The dark-haired ivory-skinned _biwa_ player caught sight of me and gave a tiny bow, before seating himself with all the grace of a professional dancer.

The other captain sat back. “He is remarkably similar to Kuchiki Byakuya.”

“They are entirely different though,” I said, letting my gaze skim over lean legs and the perfectly poise body. “Trust me on that.”

“I will.” The sake arrived. “Has Aizen-san met him?”

“Fuyuki is chary of entering Seireitei.” I poured out the rice wine for him and some for myself. “And I'm not exactly on the best of terms with Aizen-taichou – he's... not happy that I, uh, that I found him.” I pointed at Fuyuki who was crooning a tender ballad about a fox and a princess. I grinned when he glanced over: I knew it was meant for me.

Kyoraku narrowed his eyes. “You two broke it off for real.”

“Of course.” I didn't sigh, but my fingers trailed little circles on the surface of the table. “To be honest, I didn't want to. But now that I'm free from that attachment, I'm not exactly... content, but I think I'm enjoying this freedom.”

“I suppose you would. You've been with him since you graduated?”

“Yes.”

Kyoraku sighed, a drawn-out expulsion of ennui. “I wish I could say that.”

“With Aizen-taichou?” I carefully modulated my tone; the jealousy was evident.

“Not him. With Jyuu-chan.” Kyoraku grinned crookedly.

 _'He's a crafty one, isn't he?'_ Aizen-sama commented softly in the back of my mind.

 _Yes he is._ “I thought you and Ukitake-san were... I mean, you're very close, aren't you?”

_'And you're not too shabby yourself.'_

_Thank you._

The bearded captain smirked. “Oh, we're the closest of friends. There's very little about him I don't know, and very little of me that he doesn't know.”

“But just friends?”

He looked up, his gaze clear and unguarded. He _was_ good at this. “Just friends.”

I poured more sake for him. “Must be hard.”

“I've learned to adapt.”

“So why are you lonely tonight?” I asked. “If you're the closest of friends, shouldn't you be with him tonight of all nights?”

He raised an eyebrow. “He has someone with him.” His dark gaze caught mine. “Aizen is with him now.”

I froze. Then, slowly, cautiously, I relaxed. “I see.”

“It doesn't affect you?” he pressed, leaning forward. “That he has just put what you have had aside? For another person?”

“He won't, not with Ukitake-san,” I said, though my fingertips whitened as I took my cup. “If he broke up with me because of that stupid law, he wouldn't dare start a new one with a captain.” I sipped. “Not Aizen-taichou.”

“You seem confident.”

“I am. This is a man I've loved for a century. I know him.” I smiled at Kyoraku. “As you know Ukitake-san. So why don't we drop this act of you feeling lonely and you trying to pry and poke to see if I am still with Aizen-taichou?”

The direct approach seemed to startle Kyoraku. He scoffed, but resumed drinking. We spent the rest of the evening in silence, until it was time for Fuyuki's break and the other captain walked out after paying the bill.

xxxxx

“I'll move in with you,” Fuyuki said that night. He was still glistening with sweat, straddled over my hips.

I exhaled shakily. “Is this the time to talk about this?” I asked, pointedly stroking his erection. He shuddered and the clenching of his inner walls drove my lust higher. “Come on, move.”

“I will when I'm ready,” he murmured, eyes half-lidded and lips reddened from our kisses. “Tomorrow, I'll move in.”

“And now?” I shifted my hips and adjusted him.

He grimaced and then smirked. “Tell me you love me.”

I raised my brows. “No.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Good.”

 

 


	86. 86.

Hisagi came to me as I expected. When I heard about the dean promoting students, I had blocked Kira's progression to the next class because I needed a good reason for Hisagi to see me. Either him, or that redheaded boy Abarai. Either one would have interested Aizen-sama – my lover enjoyed shaping new forms to breaking old molds. Hisagi was the better choice, of course, since he was more pliable to my demands and he did love Kira in his own way.

“Ichimaru-taichou, good evening.” Hisagi was polite, if aloof. Being in the ninth had improved him – he had muscled out nicely, and the toned biceps were very lickable.

“Yes?” I shuffled my papers and peered over the top of my glasses. They were new. I took a fancy to them on a trip to Rukongai with Fuyuki, and had prescriptions made out. “I wasn't expecting you.”

He hemmed and hawed a little, probably thinking that I wanted to sleep with him again. Tempting, but no. With Fuyuki, I was satisfied sexually. But right now I wanted to stop Aizen-sama.

I hated what he was doing.

I hated watching Aizen-sama getting close to Ukitake-taichou, hated knowing that Aizen-sama was playing a cruel, ruthless game using Ukitake-taichou and Kyoraku-taichou. The white-haired captain was one of the very few that I respected and admired, not least for him taking Matsumoto in when she was most shattered by my abandoning her.

Hisagi was the perfect person to bait my lover.

The young shinigami understood almost immediately when I told him to ask Aizen-sama for training to become lieutenant. It wasn't unheard of for junior officers to ask officers of another division for guidance, but it was rare. Yet, with Tousen's reputation for being officious and distant, it was plausible that Hisagi would approach a captain he was working with to try to improve himself.

“Why?” asked Hisagi.

“Because no one should hurt Ukitake-taichou.” I was adamant about that. I knew Aizen-sama would decipher what I was doing, but I didn't care. No one hurt Ukitake Jyuushiro. “No one.”

xxxx

Fuyuki moved in with little fuss and less luggage. I was prepared to supply him with everything he needed anyway; the compensation for a captain was almost five times that of a lieutenant's. A bankai was worth that much money.

“Nice place you have,” remarked Fuyuki after he had taken a bath and was wandering about the captain's quarters. “Are you sure I'm allowed in here?”

“No, but who's gonna care?” I said. I pointed out, from the vantage view of my balcony, the different blocks of the Third division, including the communal bathhouse, the barracks, the offices and, glittering like a blade in the distance, the imposing Tower of Penance. “As long as you stay away from the office – and my officers – there is nothing you're not allowed to do.”

“Including seducing other captains, Sanbantai-taichou, Ichimaru Gin?”

The use of the full name did not surprise me. After all, he did know of my position the second we walked past the walls with no one stopping either of us. The rest was mere deduction. I dusted his cheek with my knuckles. “It depends. I will tell you now that the others are probably not open to such propositions from a non-shinigami, no matter how beautiful you are.”

“Aw, my heart breaks.”

“Nice to know you have one,” I quipped.

He slapped my hand and then insinuated himself under it. “Now that you have a live-in lover, are you gonna be getting off work early?”

“It depends,” I mulled aloud, “on how my live-in lover treats me, wouldn't it?”

He laughed, and proceeded to show me exactly how he intended to treat me whenever I got back after work.

xxxxx

I was expecting him to visit, but not that soon.

“Aizen-san! I wasn't expecting you.” The look in his eyes told me he knew how bad a lie _that_ was. I sent Fuyuki away to prepare an extra place for dinner, knowing that he would not presume to listen in to our conversation. He did head off, but not before trailing his fingers over Aizen-sama's hand and forearm. That probably surprised Aizen-sama; he stared after Fuyuki, his gaze a blend of astonishment and appreciation. Shaking my head, I smirked and said, “He has that effect on people.” I glanced at him. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Come on in.”

He snorted and walked to the desk. “That looks lovely,” he remarked, indicating the scroll which he had given me, the one with a fox and the moon.

“Well,” I said, arranging my robes, “I did write it myself.”

“Hisagi came to see me earlier for training.” Straight to the point, no hemming or hawing. Aizen-sama was not happy at all about this.

I decided to play dumb. “And?”

He locked eyes with me. “Why did you send him, Gin?”

He had thinned slightly, I thought to myself, aware that he was under some sort of strain that he would never share with me. Nevertheless, I stood by my decision. “What, can't stand my interfering?”

“I don't like it,” he admitted, “but I guess it's in response to recent developments.”

I got up and moved behind him, bending over to murmur in his ear. “Ukitake-san saved Rangiku. He treats me like any other shinigami, one of the few who do. He is genuinely _nice_. If you hurt him, I;m going to be very, very unhappy.”

He turned slightly to look at me. “He inspires that much loyalty from you?”

“Oh yes,” I chuckled, my fingers playing with his thick brown hair. It was soft but not silky, not the way mine was nor like Fuyuki's. “It's amazing how much he can accomplish just by being a nice guy. And it took you how long to get that kind of loyalty from me?”

That comment did not sit well with him. “If you're trying to get me to leave him alone, it's not working.”

“If you dare touch him, I will join forces with Kyoraku against you.”

He leaned into my touch. “You will?”

I slipped my hand to the back of his neck. His skin was warm, seeping into my chilly fingers. “I will. You know I will.”

“You really adore him, hm?” He laughed and shook his head, freeing himself from my grip. I returned to my chair. He sighed.

“He's very easy to love, Aizen-san,” I replied. “And I mean every word I said.”

His smile was malicious. “I feel jealous.”

“And so you should,” I taunted lightly, knowing that no matter how pissed off he was at me for interfering, he would not harm the white-haired captain. The atmosphere lightened and I nodded at the door. “What do you think of my new boy?”

“Beautiful,” he said. “Seductive. Reminds me of you, but with the looks of Byrakuya. Great combination.”

“You like?”

“Are you offering?”

“I'm sure he's more than open to having a threesome,” I said. “But I get it. You wanna remain low profile, hmm?”

He tapped his fingers together. “Not that low. I want more information relating to Mizuki, that bit about her, Ukitake and Kyoraku.”

 _Ah yes. That one._ “Promise me you'll leave Ukitake-san out of this.”

He captured my wagging finger and kissed my hand. “I promise. Do spend some time with Shinsou, love. He's lonely.”

_Lonely?_

_'Yes, Gin. He's lonely.'_

I frowned. “You've been speaking to him?” I did not like the idea – Shinsou was mine, alone, and having him and Aizen-sama in contact meant that I had something less just for myself.

“He's not overly forthcoming, but I believe he is pining for company in his world.” I tilted his head. “I can't have Kyoka Suigetsu with him, so I think it'd be nice if you took the effort to chat with him now and then.”

I grinned. “He once told me Kyoka Suigetsu is very pretty. Ever asked your sword if it plays the male or female in the relationship?”

“Judging by how we interact, I think it's safe to assume Kyoka Suigetsu takes on a feminine role when we are together. No hope of that happening out of their realm though,” he added.

I smirked. “You have allowed me to take you before...”

“Only when I'm in the mood,” he countered, but his gaze turned lascivious. “Good times.”

“You can relive them with the new one when he comes.”

“I doubt I will.” His smile turned darker. “It's an issue of trust, and I trust you far more than anyone else.”

xxxxx

“So that is Aizen-taichou,” Fuyuki remarked after dinner. “He looks very intellectual and gentle.”

I dried the plates and tidied up. “You're interested?”

“I just wondered how you got to be with him.”

“Sheer blind luck?” I joked and looped an arm around Fuyuki's waist. “Shall we go out for a walk? I think you might want to take a look around the neighborhood.”

He smiled prettily and tossed his hair back. “And I think _you_ want to show me off.”

“Ain't I supposed to? You're a gorgeous man.”

“Flatterer,” he teased, but agreed that he wanted to check out the surroundings.

It was already dark, but there were lights in the main walkways and I steered us away from the offices. The Pillars of Remembrance would be eerily lovely at this time, lit with golden torches, so I took us there first, for him to see the lofty history of the shinigami. Then from there we saw the Tower of Penanace, the first division offices, and the twelfth division's research centers.

There were patrols moving about but lessened as we headed to the shopping and eateries center. All whom we met were startled; Fuyuki was distinctly amused, but he could not figure out why the shinigami were so respectful to him. It wasn't until we came face-to-face with Rangiku that Fuyuki finally understood what was going on.

“Hi Gin, it's been a long time and – oh my gosh.” Rangiku's eyes goggled. “Uh, Kuchiki-taichou, I didn't notice you – I mean, uh, I wasn't expecting to see you, HERE, and with Gin, I mean Ichimaru-taichou...”

“Rangiku, this isn't Kuchiki-taichou,” I interjected, trying not to laugh, “Kitamura Fuyuki, this is my good friend, Matsumoto Rangiku.”

Fuyuki executed a half-bow. The strawberry-blonde lieutenant blinked comically and then covered her mouth with both hands. I knew she was trying not to scream with shock and amazement. What emerged from her mouth was a thrilled squeak.

“Yeah, I know he looks like the captain,” I said as nonchalantly as I could, “but trust me, it's _definitely_ not him.”

“B-but this is uncanny, Gin, this is like...” Rangiku's smile widened dramatically. “This calls for a drink. I can't _wait_ to see all of them keel over from shock!”

I grinned. “In fact, I think someone is about to do so right now.”

Fuyuki peered over my shoulder and chuckled. “I see. So that one is the Kuchiki-taichou you're talking about?”

“Yes,” I answered softly.

Kuchikia Byakuya was actually just down the street. He was talking to a retainer. I lounged beside Fuyuki, one arm very carefully placed just above the curve of his ass. Rangiku smartly stepped away from us and secreted herself inside a nearby shop, too curious to leave but still wanting her skin in one piece.

I waved at the approaching captain. Byakuya glanced up, appeared irritated, and then was startled into a halt. The retainer was a little slower on the uptake but he actually fell over when he saw Fuyuki.

“That is the famed Kuchiki heir?” mumbled my companion.

“Yep,” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth. “Don't let me down now.”

Byakuya reached us in a few steps. “Good evening,” he said, his eyes never leaving the young man standing next to me.

“Good evening,” I said. Fuyuki bowed politely and smiled.

It was oddly disturbing, seeing them together. Fuyuki had eyes that were sharper and warm brown, and his smile was soothing and sensual; Byakuya was chilly and aloof, his large gray eyes stern and forbidding. They looked alike but were nothing similar. Fuyuki shivered with the weight of reiatsu and I shielded him. “Byakuya-san, don't threaten my lover.”

His icy stare turned on me and I grinned rakishly. The Kuchiki noble strode past us, his embarrassed fury palpable. I saw Rangiku cover her mouth again when I peered after Byakuya and stuck my tongue out at him. The retainer saw my rude expression but wisely made no mention of it to his master, scrambling to keep after Byakuya's fast footsteps.

Fuyuki sniffed. “Stuck-up prick. Is he repressed?”

“Not that I know of,” I answered.

Fuyuki wrinkled his nose and then elbowed me lightly in the ribs. “So when you and I are havin' fun on the futon, are you really thinking about screwing him?”

“It started that way.” I let my lips curve further. “But I gotta say, you won me over with your unique charms.”

xxxxx

_'Check your records regarding the Kuchiki clan.'_

_Aizen-sama, what are you talking about?_ I answered fuzzily, uncurling from Fuyuki's warm, lithe body. _It's... freaking three-forty-nine in the morning, for fuck's sake._

_'Do it when you're up to it.'_

xxxxx

Kyoraku barged into my office one morning, looking disgruntled. He waited until my officers scattered and closed the doors behind them before rounding on me.

“Did you reveal classified information regarding Kai Mizuki?” he demanded in a sibilant whisper.

I frowned. “Kai-fukutaichou? Classified info... Ah, yes, the bio-data anomaly. I consulted with Aizen-san since he knew rather a lot about genotypes.”

“Why not Unohana-taichou then?”

“She wasn't around. I was thinking of asking Kurotsuchi Mayuri, but Kurotsuchi-taichou isn't amenable to meeting with me.” I tucked my hands into my sleeves. “Is there a problem?”

He slapped his hands on the surface of my table. “Yes. You know very well why that was in the classified section of the Third's file records.”

I stared at his large hands and let my gaze travel up, my smile unwavering and plastic. “I do know. I also know you're the one who planted those bugs in my room in an effort to catch something out between Aizen-san and myself.”

“Bugs?” The flash of guilt was gone so fast I might have missed it if I hadn't been waiting for it.

“The bugs that detect fluctuations in reiatsu related to communication.” I stood and flattened my hands on my desk, mimicking his posture. “Kyoraku Shunsui, I have nothing to hide. Yes, I'm communicating with my former lover. Yes, we did buy the now-discontinued soul rings from the _sterfgeval_. Yes, I'm still utterly in love with him, just as you are with Ukitake Jyuushiro. And yes, just like you, the object of our affections don't put us on the same pedestal as we do them. I buy his attention with trinkets I know he appreciates; you _made_ Kai Mizuki who she is. I think you have a bigger problem than I do.”

“Mizuki-chan was not made,” he whispered. “She was born.”

“I know,” I said. “Unohana-taichou would even swear to that statement. But I bet that Urahara Kisuke was involved-”

“-is that man the reason you told Aizen? Kisuke did tell us you're insanely jealous of him and Aizen-”

“-in the past. Now he's just a shadow, a nothing.” I leaned forward, our noses almost touching tips. “I did it so that he has something over you, so that he wouldn't harm someone you loved.”

He scowled. “What are you talking about?”

“He wanted to fuck Ukitake-san,” I said, not caring in the least how crudely I put it. “Without that nugget I threw him, he would have proceeded with his plan. With this piece of information, he kept away because it was all about you, Kyoraku-san. It was all about having you at a disadvantage.”

He stepped back, a sneer on his usual good-natured face. “How do I know you're telling the truth?”

“I don't lie,” I said simply. “You know that I tell the truth. You feel it.”

“Aren't you afraid I'll reveal all you've said?”

I laughed softly. “Kyoraku-taichou, to do that, you will need to hurt at least three people you love or respect, and I somehow think you'd rather die than do that.”

The other captain regarded me for a long beat. “You're a strange one, Ichimaru-san,” he said at last. “I can't figure you out. Or what you intend to achieve with telling me all these.”

I beamed. “I'm entirely transparent.”

He smiled darkly. “I know. That's why I cannot see your true intentions at all.”

 


	87. 87.

****“You've talked to Kyoraku Shunsui.”

“And a good evening to you too,” I said breezily as I put away various files in their respective cabinets. Aizen-sama raised an enquiring eyebrow and I smiled at him. “Yes, I have. He just needed a reason.”

Aizen-sama shook his head. “You're playing a risky game, Gin. He could have become more suspicious.”

I shrugged. “Part of the risk you took in toying with Ukitake Jyuushiro. At least he's satisfied that we aren't all aboveboard and clear of guilt.” I locked eyes with my captain. “No one is perfect, Aizen-sama. Not even you.”

He smiled, looking every inch the perfect gentleman. “I never claimed to be.”

“What do you want me to do with the information on Mizuki?” I asked quietly, locking the office and drawing down the screens so that the files could be accessed. The document in question was called up quickly.

If it hadn't been for the fact that I had memorized the genotypes of all the captains along with other essential data, I would never have been able to pick out this tiny detail. Aizen-sama came to sit at the desk and turned the chair to face the screen.

“I didn't know such a thing was possible,” he remarked, almost to himself. “I doubt I can convince Urahara now...”

“And why would you need to convince him of anything?” I asked in a carefully neutral tone.

He smirked. “Can't you imagine? You and me, combining our genes, and have a woman bear a child for us?”

Although I was secretly thrilled, I made a face. “The last thing we need to inflict on this world is a child with both our genes. Imagine the hordes of admirers he's going to have.”

Aizen-sama laughed pleasantly and returned to Mizuki's file. “I'm never going to figure out how he managed to manipulate the ovum into a female from the genes of two men.” He clicked with his tongue. “It'd drive me nuts until I can understand the how. Did you approach Unohana on this?”

“No. I'm staying far away from her.” I linked my fingers together. “Kyoraku probably never told her the truth. She would never consider playing with a child's life, and that is what Urahara and Kyoraku did. Are you certain Urahara played a part in this?”

“He had to have,” replied Aizen-sama thoughtfully. “I can't think of anyone else with such a level of curiosity and technological savvy to craft a child out of two men's genes. I do wonder if Ukitake knew though.”

“If he knows, he's certainly a better liar than I am,” I commented. “The data?”

“Leave it. I don't want to erase her... heritage.” Aizen-sama smiled over his shoulder at me. “Free for a quick cuddle now?”

I grinned crookedly. “Somehow I think cuddling is the least of your desires at this moment. Yes, I am _very_ free.”

He patted his lap and I obediently settled in it, carefully removing his glasses. The first kiss was soft, timid. My lashes fluttered against his warm skin as I pressed closer. His amber and musk scent filled me up with a rich glow; I had missed this so much, I could not even remember how long it had been since I was last embraced by him.

His hands held me steady as our mouths and tongues slowly explored each other, drinking in the taste that had been a part of our lives for decades – nigh a century – and was now bereft of in the dark of the night. His thirst was no less than mine, but we kept the kisses tender and longing.

“That was good,” he murmured against my mouth. I peered from beneath my lashes and saw his contented expression. Then a corner of his lips lifted mischievously. “May I assist you in the removal of obstructing garments and the subsequent satisfaction of carnal intercourse?”

I couldn't help the chuckle as I slid off his lap. “The sofa is very comfy, you know.”

He shook his head as he helped me loosen my belt and assisted me in stepping out of my hakama. His hands caressed the curve of my pale thighs and slipped beneath the kimono, reaching behind to cup my ass. I shuddered as he kneaded the softness; he maneuvered me to kneel over his lap.

“I feel silly with my socks on,” I muttered. “And my captain's haori.”

“Leave them on.” His lips brushed over my abdomen, skating over my belly and then up my chest. His heated breath caused me to tremble with anticipation and I had to bite back a whimper when his mouth closed over a nipple. His tongue circled the taut bit of flesh. I shook when a finger began to touch and then press against my opening. Aizen-sama shifted his left arm up around my waist, trapping me against his mouth, while his right hand massaged me intimately. When his teeth clamped cautiously down I whined in my throat. My fingers tightened in his thick brown hair and he allowed me to move his head to the other nipple, where he delivered the same gentle torture.

I could feel his fingers slide into me, one by one, the burn delicious and familiar. He grunted when my hips bucked forward in response to the third intrusion.

“Your table?”

I nodded, mouth dry and desperate for his kiss. He obliged, our mouths crashing together in a frenzied meet of lips and teeth and saliva and tongue. Using both hands he carried me, my legs clasped about his waist. He wasted little time in losing his belt and hakama. We both groaned when our erections brushed against each other. I fumbled over my desk in an effort to find the hand cream I usually used, but he grabbed my flailing arm and pinned my wrists to the surface.

“Remember our first time?” he whispered against my neck.

I laughed softly. “There had been some pain, Aizen-sama.”

“Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that.”

“I did. Just that there was pain for the rest of the night and even the remainder of the week.”

He spat into his hand and lubricated his arousal. “Too bad. You'll just have to find a way to heal yourself inside, lover.”

Forcing myself to relax, I gripped his shoulders as he pushed into me. It burned, and it was good. It was fantastic. It was mind-blowing.

It hurt.

_I feel you in me again._

_'I feel you around me.'_

_Can we stay like this forever?_

_'I doubt I can last that long, lover.'_ His brown eyes were dark with desire and humor. We lay there, half-sprawled on my clean desk, just trying to get our breathing under control while he throbbed in my body. Then he started thrusting deeper into me and I pulled my hand free from his grip, covering my mouth to keep from screaming.

Each movement was fire and electricity to raw nerve and raging libido. The pace was punishing and unrelenting. He buried his face against my neck, his breaths hot and wet on my damp skin. My back was stiffening, being braced on the hard surface but that secondary to the heat of his frame on my body. He let go of my other hand and reached between us, pumping my leaking erection steadily in time with his motions. My free hand scratched down his back; the fabric probably protected him from being marked by my nails. I thumped my head when I tried to arch up into him; my thighs tightened and pulled him closer.

“Coming,” I gasped and in a few moments later I spilled over his hand and my belly. His hips stuttered and he mouthed something into my shoulder as his heat spread inside me.

After some time he slipped out of me. I got up and walked – a little falteringly – to my drawer and pulled out a hand towel. He took it and cleaned off the stickiness on himself, and then swiped at the streaks running down my thighs. I hissed as his actions sent shivers up and down my spine; I was still sensitive from the sexual high.

He glanced up at me. “Sore?”

“In pain,” I murmured. “You're less skilled than I remember, Aizen-sama. What happened to you?” “Lack of practice,” he joked, matching my tease. Our bond over the rings showed exactly how much I had enjoyed the romp. He kissed the curly dark silver hair on my groin. “Something I plan to remedy soon.”

My smile turned crooked. “It _is_ Hisagi, isn't it?”

“Oh yes,” he answered. My captain gazed into my eyes as he helped me get dressed. After we tidied up, he touched my cheek in farewell. “Gin, don't be too quick to trust anyone, especially those sharing your bed.”

I frowned. “You want me to check up on Fuyuki.”

“He's too much like you,” said Aizen. “I worry.”

“I will conduct a background check,” I answered. “And what was that about the Kuchiki clan?”

He tapped his chin. “I had an inkling who Mizuki's surrogate mother is, and I wanted you to find out the one who married into Kyoraku's clan. But it's not important now.”

xxxxx

Fuyuki had found himself a place in The Hollow's Cero, a place for lower-ranked shinigami. The proprietor was more than happy to have such an elegant performer draw in the crowds, and Fuyuki basked in the admiration.

He never smiled much on stage, I realized when I watched yet another of his flawless performances. However he could still enthrall the residents and shinigami alike, holding them spellbound with his voice and the coy glances he cast at more (in his words) interesting members of his audience.

I was sipping sake in a corner of the room, staying in sight of the main entrance but keeping out of the way. The sake was terrible, considering that The Hollow's Cero could afford far better fare. Some commotion near the bar caused me to look up from contemplating whether to pay for my drink.

It was Abarai Renji. He had just fallen off his seat with a crash, and the reason for that was my current lover hanging his arms around his neck.

The commotion was due to the dozens of patrons who wanted a piece of the action.

I sighed. Fuyuki did speak highly of the redhead in bed, but to embarrass the young man out here in public was not gracious. I finished my drink and strode over, deftly slipping through the crowd until I got within range of Fuyuki and Abarai.

“You naughty boy! You've never been to see me since that night!” Fuyuki was chiding a red-faced red-haired Abarai. He had no idea how to respond other than some apologetic stammering.

“Good evening Ichimaru-taichou,” said a low voice beside me. “Can you help, please?”

I noticed Kira who had found his way to get to me. I chuckled at Fuyuki and Abarai sprawled on the floor, Fuyuki ignoring everyone else and tapping the younger male on his nose in chastisement.

I smirked. “Kitamura-san seems to be enjoying the attention though.”

“Still, Renji-kun is a sensitive soul regarding such matters,” said Kira. He turned his big pretty blue eyes on me. “Please?”

“You're not playing fair looking at me like that. You make me wanna do far worse to you, you know?” I whispered in his ear before pushing past the first line of gawkers. If anything I knew Kira was now redder in the face than Abarai, and that was saying something.

Fuyuki sensed a quiet spreading outward from him and his prisoner. When he looked up, I was looking at him with an amused smile.

“Had enough?” I asked politely. Some of the shinigami who were from the Third and the Fifth disappeared from the crowd. They had heard that polite tone before.

Fuyuki beamed winningly at me. “Yep. Let's go home.”

“Let's.” I offered him a hand up, which he took, but not before kissing Abarai full on the mouth. I shook my head and tugged Fuyuki away. As we strode out into the cool air of the street, I muttered, “What was that display for?”

“I saw that captain you showed me before,” replied Fuyuki, equally softly. “That pale one, who looks like me but with a rod stuck up his ass.”

I tweaked his ear. “You're the one who's gonna have something stuffed up your ass when we get home,” I scolded. “Making a scene like that isn't helpful at all.”

“But it was fun,” he said, unrepentant.

I had to laugh at the idea of Byakuya seeing his doppelganger all over Abarai. The image might plague him for years, if I was lucky. “Yeah, it was.”

xxxxx

“This cannot be true.”

I stared at the screens. Three of them hung before my eyes: one showing the rolls of the onmitsukido, one showing the Kyoraku clan's family lineage, and one on the Kuchiki genealogy.

Kyoraku Shunsui and Kuchiki Byakuya were indeed distantly related, but then most noble houses were related. It was no surprise to me that Kyoraku had found a great-great-great-great grandniece to be his and Ukitake's child's surrogate mother, especially since she was childless after almost twenty years of marriage to a minor noble named Kai Wataru, another distant relative to Yamamoto.

What had caught me by surprise was the name of Kuchiki Kaede, member of the onmitsukido.

And the accompanying picture.

“ _Don't be too quick to trust anyone, especially those sharing your bed.”_

Aizen-sama knew. He knew.

But I was also aware that Fuyuki had little to no reiatsu. It didn't make sense: how could Fuyuki be a Kuchiki in the onmitsukido without reiatsu?

I leaned back in my chair and keyed in the password to withdraw all three screens before unlocking the office door. It was impossible, I decided, but Aizen-sama wouldn't warn me if there was nothing to warn about.

 _Maybe,_ I thought when a flash of blue eyes came into my memory, _maybe Kira can help. As the top student, he can claim he's doing research on the onmitsukido... and from there find out what kind of jobs they do exactly. Soifon won't stop him; he'll be a valuable addition if he chooses to join the division._

I closed my eyes, hoping that Fuyuki really was Fuyuki. I liked him, especially whenever he threw me that coy over-the-shoulder smile. I really did like him.

_Kira, I hope you don't find what I think you'll find._

 


	88. 88.

I tossed and turned over the issue of Kitamura for a few nights before I gave in to my suspicion. After some discreet bribing of the faculty members, I discovered that there were a few students who had caught the eyes of various captains. To little surprise, Kira was one of them.

It was time for me to pay a certain little blond a visit.

xxxxx

Kira hurried over once my messenger located him. He appeared rather sticky and slightly worn out, and there was an ugly bruise, yellowing while healing, near the left temple. I wasn't too pleased by that.

“Close the door,” I instructed as I waved him into my office.

He came in a little too eagerly. “Good afternoon Ichimaru-taichou.”

That hated title again. I wanted it back when Kuchiki Byakuya had it, but now that I did have it, I wanted it erased from my name. I snorted. “When we're alone, you will call me Gin. Take a seat.”

“Gin... san,” he stammered. I rolled my eyes but smiled anyway. At least he was trying. He settled into the wooden chair before my desk, all prim and proper and alert, a bright-eyed bushy-tailed attendant. I studied him unobtrusively: something was different about him. I sauntered to rest against the desk next to him and looked into his eyes, carefully analyzing the gaze that stared at my proximity.

_Ah. There it is. He's quite an early bloomer._

The newly-emerging sentience seemed to be of a despondent sort, as far as I could tell without having the time to examine it closer. However there were pressing matters at hand. I thought about it and decided the honest approach would be best. “I need your help.”

“Um, my help?”

His sudden fluster was quite amusing, if intriguing. I schooled my curiosity though; there would be time to find out later. I smiled. “I hear you're quite outstanding. Tousen-taichou has a good opinion of you. And Unohana-taichou asked me what kind of person you were in the fifth as an intern.” I stroked his smooth cheek. “Who else has approached you, Kira?”

“The second division, Ichi – I, I mean, Gin-san.” His voice was breathy and tempting. I looked at the pale pink lips, and placed business first before pleasure.

“Soifon too, hmm?” That added a different level of ease to the task I intended for him. I paced about and then studied him. “I need you to help me,” I said quietly, “but it must be secret.”

“What kind of help would this be?” he asked.

I wondered if anyone had enlightened Kira on his change – I doubted it. I crooked my finger. “Come here, Kira.”

He slowly walked towards me, as if drawn against his will. I took his chin in my right hand and examined his azure gaze steadily, trying to catch the telltale gleam. _There you are. Shinsou, is it fully aware yet?_

 _:No.:_ My sword sniffed critically. _:I do not wish to make its acquaintance though. It is wild and – I think – insane.:_

_He doesn't look like the kind who'd have a crazy spirit in his head._

_:He has perhaps shut that aspect away from himself.:_

I released Kira. “You have met your zanpakuto spirit. It shows in your eyes, and traces of it is in your reiatsu. That's why there are and will be captains and lieutenants approaching you.”

He beamed slightly, as though flattered. “How do you tell?”

“There is a...” I groped for a word “... light... in your eyes.” I ran my fingertips feather-light over his eyes. “But it's not fully realized yet. Look into Hisagi-san's eyes. You'll see it.” Kira's brows furrowed – so their reunion as I heard had not actually taken place then. I smiled. “Look into mine. Look for the light.”

_Shinsou, let him meet you._

_:Do I have to?:_

_We shall be spending much time with this young man, Shinsou. It will be courteous to do so._

Grudgingly Shinsou allowed his essence to emerge.

“I can see your zanpakuto spirit,” Kira murmured, his voice filled with wonder and amazement. “It is looking at me with your eyes.”

 _:It? The boy needs educating.:_ Shinsou didn't sound offended, merely affronted.

“ _He_ is looking at you with my eyes. His name is Shinsou,” I corrected him.

I had to kiss him. His gaze was so innocent, trusting and gentle that I was touched. No one had ever regarded me that way, not even Matsumoto. I had to have this youth, lock this gaze for myself forever.

His mouth was warm, moist; his lips parted eagerly when I pressed for entrance. His hands slipped up my back to grasp my shoulders. That darling zeal aroused a surge of passion and I drove us towards a wall where I could ravish him more properly. His hips pushed impatiently at mine as my tongue tasted the insides of his cheeks and twined with his tongue.

I pulled him harder into my arms, wanting badly to strip him naked and have my way with him right there and then. He would allow me too, I knew, that pliant heat matching my intensity. It was too tempting, he was too willing – I wanted him right now.

_Not yet._

That was my own thought, even if my mind felt stuffed with lust. I stepped back and forced myself to relax. There was time. I would not subject Kira to what I had to go through. I remembered being mocked and my schoolmates all giving me the cold shoulder, because of my alliance – I would not sully that innocence.

Yet.

“I apologize,” I murmured, “but the way you looked at me just now... I couldn't resist.”

He appeared rather dazed. “Oh.”

I touched his left eye. “There's a scar.”

“I-I got cut when Hisagi-san and I went to fight a hollow.”

“By yourselves?” I was impressed.

Kira shook his head. “Oh no. I was just support until Hisagi-san's teammates showed up. We did manage to blow four of its legs off though.”

Enough of that. If he and Hisagi had not gotten back together, I wasn't about to encourage the notion. “Kira.”

“Yes?”

“What is keeping you from drawing your zanpakuto?”

I recalled being forced into a life or death situation before Shinsou deigned to make its appearance. However I also heard of other swords manifesting themselves in different circumstances. Omaeda's, for instance, appeared because of something called mango sorbet.

Kira frowned. “I don't quite know. I just... he said that he would tell me his name if I answer his question.”

That sounded easy. “Yours seem more reasonable than mine.”

_:I resent that.:_

“I need your assistance, Kira,” I said, ignoring Shinsou's interruption and stepping away from the delectable young man.

The blond played with his sleeves, a pink flush still coloring over high cheekbones and nose bridge. "Um... you haven't told me what kind, Gin-san."

I smirked. "Smart of you not to commit until you hear the details."

Kira appeared very flustered suddenly. “I didn't mean to-”

“I know.” He deserved a break from my teasing, poor kid. Time to get down to business. “I want you to do some research for me. Ask the second division if you have to.”

“Why can't Gin-san-”

“Because if I pry overmuch, Soifon-taichou will suspect that I am investigating her. I don't want to raise her hackles more than I can help it.” I leaned back in my chair. “I want to know what kinds of operations they have in the second division, what sort of duties their officers have, the qualities of the people they are looking for. They won't reveal everything to you, of course, but you will have relatively more access to such information than I do. And, very importantly, I want more information on the Onmitsukido."

That should be enough for him. He didn't even dare voice out his query; I began to doubt his capability with regards to this task. I decided to throw in a bonus. “In exchange for your help, I will do anything you ask of me.”

That got him interested. He perked up, his face brightening. “Anything?”

“Anything,” I affirmed. “If you dare to ask me, I will fulfill it.”

He bowed and said, “I will do my best, Gin-san.”

I nodded back and signaled him to come around the desk. “Let's seal this promise with a kiss, pretty Kira, and then you can return to your classes.”

xxxxx

Fuyuki dried his hair and began finger-combing it, his slender digits untangling raven locks with a methodical caress. I watched him from the bed, fascinated by his graceful movements. He certainly had an air of – not nobility, no, but of being set apart – that marked him as a very striking man.

“Fuyuki, how did you come to earn your living as a biwa player?” I inquired offhandedly. “Someone of your caliber doesn't belong to the gutter.”

“After I was sent here I ended up in the fifty-eighth district,” he replied. “Though it wasn't as horrible as the outer regions, shelter was still hard to come by. There were many people in the town where I was sent to; out of the very many, I was one of three who decided to move past the district divisions.” He swiveled about on his seat. “Why the sudden interest?”

“Like I said, someone of your caliber doesn't belong to the gutter.” I smiled at him. “Your speech, your mannerisms... it all tells of an educated person.”

Fuyuki looked pensive for a moment. “I was a celebrated artist when I was alive. Lords and ladies all came to hear my playing and my singing, and I had want of nothing.”

“Yet you passed away early,” I commented. “Was it an illness?”

His gaze hardened. In that moment he was the spitting image of Byakuya, right down to that chilly reserve and icy restraint. “I was poisoned.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Who was the poisoner?”

“My own brother,” he spat out. “He thought I was a disgrace to the family, and poisoned me. I had my revenge though,” he added with a certain amount of vindictive pleasure. “My mother found out that my brother added poison to my drinking water and made him drink up the rest. I watched him die.”

“But you didn't end up in the same place?”

“Oh no,” laughed Fuyuki coldly. “He was eaten by a hollow the day after he died. I escaped just in time and was purified, coming to Soul Society.”

I smiled with genuine satisfaction. Fuyuki was almost as entertaining without his biwa as he was with it. So much of him reminded me of myself. I settled against the pillows as he crawled over the futon to me, shedding his sleeping robe along the way.

“Not afraid of the cold?” I asked solicitously.

He cast a coy glance at me as I blew out the lamps. “Not when I have you to warm me up.”

xxxxx

Kira sent a message almost a week later. I supposed the blond had undergone the interview with Soifon and wanted to tell me his findings. Since he suggested the graduands' display exhibitions, I would comply. Utagawa would come with me and discuss with the Academy director when he could take up a teaching post.

“Utagawa, I've been meaning to ask you about someone,” I said as we set off towards the Academy. Shinigami of varying ranks bowed to us as we passed them by. “There is this officer, what's his name? Komatsuzaki.”

“Yes, taichou? What about him?”

“How would you describe him as a shinigami?”

Utagawa looked up at the clouds and stroked his mustache thoughtfully. “Keeps to himself,” he said at last. “Doesn't really mingle with the others. It's rumored that he has a liking for relatively younger men, but a significant percentage of shinigami do prefer their own gender.”

“I wonder why that is so,” I remarked idly, not wanting to alert Utagawa more than necessary.

“You mean Komatsuzaki liking boys, or that the majority of shinigami practices shudo?”

“The latter, actually,” I clarified with a smile. “I know I got that way after some persuading from Aizen-taichou, whereas there are those who enjoy all sides.”

Utagawa smiled. “I believe it has to do with the time during which the souls were in the human realm. Since most of us live hundreds of years, we were living in a society where a man of status who doesn't take a youth under his wing to treasure is a suspicious man. It is of course different now.”

I frowned faintly, knowing that I had to find a plausible reason for my next move. “Utagawa, I'm thinking of putting someone experienced in charge of real-world duty in the sector we're responsible for,” I said. “Would you say Komatsuzaki's a good choice?”

My lieutenant thought for a bit. “He could be,” he conceded, “and it would be good for him to lead a team. He's far too much of a loner.”

 _I like what I hear._ I smiled and said, “Inform him of this arrangement once you work out the assignment of team members. Make it a mix of experienced shinigami and rookies; I want the newcomers to learn the ropes and to test out their potential. Make it a 70-30 distribution.”

“How many division members would you want in the sector, taichou?”

“It's pretty large, isn't it? I'd say around 40 people, put them on shifts. Get Komatsuzaki to work out the rota. Look it over, let me approve it, and then they can be dispatched.”

We had reached the Academy. I waved him off as he headed for the offices, and I strolled into the arena where many tents and squares flew gaily-colored pennants.

There was a sudden surge of power, inexplicable and abrupt. I scanned around the place; there was nothing that could explain that rush. It was new, definitely not from a shinigami that I recognized anyway, and very raw.

Almost as if... “Someone's discovered the name of their blade,” I muttered to myself, an odd happiness filling my heart. Judging by the looks on some of the other officers' faces around me, they had also felt that jolt of power released and completed. We exchanged knowing glances but did not speak of it. It was as yet too early to determine how strong that particular shinigami was.

Kira, as usual, looked adorably naïve in his white-and-blue uniform and that head of winter-sun-gold hair. I wondered if he ever really looked at himself; most of my playthings had been, to some extent, vain and narcissistic, aware of how to work their charms to best advantage. Thus far Kira hadn't shown any sign of such coy seduction. Sometimes he even appeared gauche and clumsy, especially when he stared in incredulity.

Aizen-sama was nearby too, I noticed, and decided to make contact with my captain first as a courtesy. He was probably here to scout for potentials.

“Quite a turnout, eh?” I said softly when I reached his side.

He glanced at me, wearing the polite 'Aizen-taichou' smile. “Ichimaru-taichou. How have you been?” _'You look lovely today. The sun does bring out your hair to great effect.'_

 _Flatterer. Did you feel that reiatsu surge earlier?_ “Same ol', same ol'. Seen anybody interesting?”

He shrugged, looking around the area. ' _I did. Not sure who that was though, and I doubt it's worth getting excited over.'_ “I think there's more to see outside of this group. Mediocre performances thus far.” _'How are things going with Kitamura-san?'_

 _Fine. How are things with Hisagi?_ “I'll leave you now,” I said, indicating where Kira was lounging. _Tell me when you've bedded him. I wanna have all the details._ “That one seems promising.”

As I left Aizen-sama's side I felt someone staring at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hisagi – and he was heading for Aizen-sama. I smirked. Hisagi was an adequate replacement for me in Aizen-sama's bed, I thought, especially if he needed some educating.

Kira was startled when I slipped up to his side. “Kira, do you have news for me?”

He nodded. “Yes, Ichimaru-taichou. She didn't go into much detail-”

“-I need only the basics,” I cut him off before others could overhear. “I think it's safe enough to head into a classroom or someplace. We need a quiet spot, and there isn't anywhere quiet around here.”

xxxxx

Kira completed his task as best as he could, but I wished he could have found out more. Still, it was a start knowing that there was a team dedicated to undercover duty. Though I had found Kuchiki Kaede's name and picture under the official onmitsukido rolls compiled once every decade, I wasn't certain he was still operational.

As captain of the third I had access to all but the most confidential files, and a name list of shinigami working undercover wasn't something barred to captains. Yet, if Soifon could trace my reading it, I would need to explain a lot to the soutaichou.

Yet, to let things be rankled my soul. I narrowed my eyes and tried to work out a way to access the data using Soifon's personal pass code. That way, the woman would have no notice of other captains reading the information of her division files...

I put the thought away until I could get Aizen-sama to dissect my plan from an objective standpoint. He would see where I needed more preparation. My brow creased; he had seemed oddly distant lately, even in our thoughts, as if he was shielding something from me. I shrugged it off. He would reveal his heart to me when he deemed it an auspicious time.

Turning my thoughts back to Kira, I wondered how that young man had released his shikai. Though I did not acknowledge it earlier, I knew the sword spirit's gaze had examined me very closely. One reason why I did not kiss Kira and why I insisted on him pledging himself to me.

Shinsou was right. Kira's blade was insane. It reeked of chaos and instability and, very strongly, of guilt. I wondered what kind of guilt Kira bore within him to have such a zanpakuto. However, since he had pledged his loyalty, the zanpakuto will cleave to my authority. Zanpakutos could not reject their owners' decisions or actions, being part of their wielders' souls, and I knew Kira had been mine from that night when he asked if he could love me.

Remarkable that he asked me to call him Izuru too, I mused. Remarkable, romantic, and so very, very silly.

Idly I wondered how he would look when I call out that name while lovemaking. Imagine: slowly thrusting into his heat, whispering _Izuru_ into his ear repeatedly like a mantra, stroking his rigid, flushed erection while my lips impressed his name into sweat-slicked skin, his hot, tight walls clenching about me as I emptied into him with murmurings of his name.

Oh yes, Kira was already mine.

 


	89. 89.

****Aizen-sama was amenable to meeting me for lunch. Considering our busy schedules, it was getting increasingly difficult. He appeared more poised – if that was possible – and I could feel a tension between us that had not existed since the early days of our relationship.

Something was very wrong with us, and I didn't know what.

“What is this meeting about, Gin?” he asked, pouring tea into my empty cup. “You know I have to coordinate a meeting for the soutaichou and the other Society leaders, and we're shorthanded.”

“I could lend a hand if you're all right with it,” I suggested.

He shook his head. “Highest security clearance only, Gin, and getting you through the process will take months. Now, why are we meeting?”

_Is this place bug free?_

_'Clean and clear, my dear Gin. I made sure of that. Speak freely.'_

“We are meeting because I need to check up some data that is of a... sensitive nature.” I crossed my arms and leaned forward. “I need all the names of personnel on undercover duty.”

“Now why would you need that?”

I raised an eyebrow and sipped my tea. “I don't ask you _your_ business, Aizen-sama.”

He half-smiled. “You're becoming bolder.” With a relaxed sigh he resumed eating. “What you need is to access the main database. If you wish to remain undetected, log in using one of the programmers' pass codes. Or, if you can get Soifon's, use hers.”

“That's what I intended.”

“In which case I suggest you look in at her home – assuming you can get that far. She's never let anyone near her home.” Aizen-sama made a face as he tried the beans. “As far as I know, she's not even allowed guards near her home – but her home is well within the reach of the second division.”

For a moment I was puzzled. Then I chuckled. “Thanks, Aizen-sama. Thank you for that.”

xxxxx

Determining the best time for breaking and entering is never easy, especially since the person in question was faster and had more ninjas, guards, soldiers and assorted well-trained bully boys at her disposal.

Still, there was always the very useful divide-and-conquer. It took some coordination and a few bribes and threats, but eventually everything was set up a week later.

After locking up the division's main office, I hung around in the deserted training grounds until I heard the alarm go off in the second division. Then I checked the time by the moon. As if on cue, the timed bombs I had had a couple of Aizen-sama's agents scatter about the barracks exploded as well.

With my eyes closed, my senses swept around me, taking in the outpouring of shinigami from the second division, hurrying to their respective stations and rushing to the eight breaches in their sector of Soul Society.

Then I caught the arrow-sharp reiatsu of Soifon darting into her team in the division and then the sudden expansion of her reiatsu presence as she released her shikai.

“Twenty-five minutes,” I muttered to myself as I flash-stepped to her place. Knowing her as I did, I had made sure to dye my hair deep brown earlier, and I looked hideous with that shade. Cautiously I reined in all reiatsu – if my surmise was right, that mistrustful bitch would have set traps for any spy with reiatsu – and pulled on thin silk gloves.

It took almost five minutes for me to locate her bedroom without the benefit of shunpo. It was beyond what I had expected. To be honest I had never even thought about what the inside of her bedroom would be like, but if I had, I would never have imagine a space crammed with soft, cuddly black cat stuffed toys and posters of assorted black cats.

 _She's obsessed with Yoruichi?_ I grimaced; I had never seen the appeal of that strange woman. Still, given how this was Soifon's inner sanctum (there was no way she would have shown this space to _anyone_ ), it would therefore be logical that her records would be in this area too.

 _:Seventeen minutes left.:_ Shinsou's voice was dry. He didn't agree with me stealing, but then I wasn't involving him much.

After some careful rifling, I found a notebook tucked beneath a framed letter that Yoruichi had written. As I plucked out the notebook, I realized that it wasn't a letter that had been framed; it was a purchase order for boots, size four-and-a-half, narrow fit.

I rolled my eyes. _Crazy._

The pages were crammed with numbers and codes. I hissed through my teeth: I never thought that Soifon might even set a trap in her own room. Then a thin slip of paper fell out of the notebook and I snatched it up before it landed on the floor. It had a string of numbers on it similar to those assigned to me and to Aizen-sama – it had to be the pass code to access the main database.

_:Twelve minutes.:_

I committed the number to memory, replaced the slip in the notebook and returned the notebook exactly where I found it, and fled the way I came.

xxxxx

There was no furor over an intrusion into Soifon's house. Perhaps she had found that someone had been in her room but if she did report it, she would have to allow investigations inside that shrine to Shihouin Yoruichi. Somehow I doubted that her fearsome reputation as the merciless captain of the onmitsukido could withstand that sort of news.

I took it upon myself to visit the library a little more frequently than usual, citing that I wanted to realign the Third's roles with regard to that of the Gotei. Kuchiki Byakuya was there sometimes and we exchanged courtesies, and occasionally that girl would be there to look for her adoptive brother.

 _She irritates me,_ I informed Shinsou when he asked why I never looked at her.

_:She has a beautiful sword though.:_

_She does?_

Shinsou affirmed his statement. _:Sode no Shirayuki. The lady of Snow.:_

 _We will meet with it someday,_ I promised him, _and you can break her into the bridle._

_:I think I will enjoy that.:_

“Good afternoon, Ichimaru-taichou,” greeted the librarian on duty. “How may we assist you today?”

“I'd like information on the Kuchiki clan, please. They are the official archivists of the Gotei; I want to know how much of our jobs overlap.” I bowed mockingly to the raven-haired captain not five paces away. “And if there is an overlap, perhaps my division can do less.”

As expected, the icicle-up-his-ass Byakuya merely stared at me and walked away with a curt nod. My smile disappeared; I was growing tired of his arrogance. Briefly I wondered if his increasingly hostile attitude was because I was sleeping with his lookalike.

I bet he knew who was the one spreading his legs.

“Ichimaru-taichou, the information you require will be available shortly.”

“I'd prefer if I can cross-reference using a workstation connected to the database.” I smiled my most charming (Aizen-sama called it 'intimidating') smile. “May I? I'm sure I have clearance.”

The petite librarian shrank back. “Uh... sure!”

xxxxx

“Kuchiki Kaede. Fourth son of Kuchiki Yoshioka and Hayuata Manami. Cousin five times removed from current head of Kuchiki clan Kuchiki Byakuya. Presumed dead.”

I shut the file and opened another document.

“Kuchiki Kaede, codenamed Ivory, sent into Rukongai as roving operative. Suspended from active duty since AD 1931. Did not return from the field. Presumed dead.”

I closed the file yet again.

Both documents had shown me the same face, and that was a face I saw nightly in my bed.

 _Fuyuki, Fuyuki. Why can't you have just been Kitamura Fuyuki?_ I sensed a rawness at the back of my throat and swallowed against the growing lump.

It had to be done.

xxxxx

“You look tense,” Fuyuki remarked when he saw me that evening.

I shrugged out of the captain's robe, hanging it on its stand. “It's been a long day.”

“Was it a productive day?”

“I would say so,” I replied, “since I learned a lot of things.”

Fuyuki smiled at me, his cheeks faintly pink. He had been drinking. I touched his face, marveling at its softness and smoothness. He leaned into the touch before capturing my fingers with his lips and nibbled at them.

I caught his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. “You seem to be in a good mood,” I murmured against his mouth.

“I enjoyed myself,” Fuyuki answered coquettishly. “Your Aizen-taichou came by tonight to listen to my singing. I was flattered.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

Fuyuki tilted his head to the side. “You still love him, don't you?”

“I do,” I answered shortly. “He doesn't.” I pressed my lips to his warm skin and murmured, “Let's go out for a walk.

“Is there a reason?” asked the dark-haired beauty, his lovely voice rich with desire.

I half-smiled. “It's a lovely night, and I feel like walking.”

The distance to the main entryway wasn't long, but it felt like an eternity. My hands trembled as I slid the door open, but by the time I shut and locked it, my grip was steady.

xxxxx

There were some lovely sights to be taken in in the quiet evenings around Seireitei. We strolled past silent buildings and a few patrols walking around, listening to muted whispers and the song of crickets.

“Something bothers you,” Fuyuki said at last as he lifted my hand to his lips. He brushed his mouth over my knuckles. “Is there some way I can help?”

I shook my head. “Not really. The problem will go away soon; it's just vexing for the time being.”

The raven-haired man walked beside me in silence, his footfalls decidedly louder than mine. When we walked past an alley, he stopped.

“Can we head in there?” asked Fuyuki.

“There's nothing in there,” I said. “It's just a dead-end.”

He smiled coyly. “Then it'll be perfect.” Tugging on my hand, he pulled me into the isolated alley and gently pushed me against the wall.

Instinctively I tensed.

Fuyuki frowned. “You really are bothered by that problem, aren't you?” Without waiting for my response, he had gotten to his knees and was tugging at my belt.

“Fuyuki!” I hissed. “Someone might see us!”

“Not if you're quiet,” he teased. “I promise to be gentle.” With a smirk, he started tracing my cock with his elegant fingers.

“Oh no, Fuyuki, not here – we really – ah!” I forced myself to be soft. The musician had started licking excruciatingly slowly all around the head and along the shaft, his perfect mouth pressing open kisses to sensitized skin. I could feel my focus narrowing to him down between my legs, his tongue and lips savoring me intensely. “Damn, Fuyuki... anyone might just... come in and – and... that's good, that's really good...”

“Hush now, Ichimaru-taichou,” he whispered breathily. His gaze locked on mine. Making sure that I wasn't about to break eye contact with him, he opened his mouth and took my length into his moist heat. His tongue traced around, the bumpy side and the satin-smooth underside of it etching sharp lust along my loins. My fingers wove into his silky hair and scraped gently along his scalp, making him moan into my erection.

One of his hands held up my hakama around the back, while the other slipped to hold the base of my arousal firmly as he bobbed his head. When he added a slight twist of his wrist I had to bite my lower lip to keep back a cry of pleasure. Then his fingers traced over my balls and his tongue followed; his darkened gaze never left my face as he tasted me. When I felt him press firmly against the soft patch of skin behind my balls my hips stuttered forward. He chuckled low in his throat, for a second sounding remarkably like Aizen-sama.

“Fuyuki... finish this,” I commanded raspily. “I wanna fuck you in bed, I wanna fuck you so hard. I wanna do nasty things to you right now.”

“I want you to do nasty things to me,” he breathed, his exhalations warm and wet against my erect cock. He sucked on it again, this time hard and fast, and with a groan I came into his mouth. He barely flinched as he drank me in. I clutched his shoulders for support when my knees threatened to buckle. His free hand slid along the exposed length while his tongue busied itself with licking me clean. When he stood up after helping me with my hakama, I could see the eager flush on his cheeks.

“Let's get back,” he suggested breathlessly.

I nonchalantly brushed my hand over the front of his robe. He shuddered when my palm passed over his hardness, and then he grinned lopsidedly as I groped him again. I kissed his cheek. “Let's get back. I'll clean up, and you get ready on the bed.”

xxxxx

He was ready for me as I asked. His slender form, bathed in warm golden light, was stretched out over the dark red blanket. Fuyuki had smoothed out his dark tresses; he knew I loved burying my face in them and inhaling his scent. With one lean leg carefully draped over the other, his exquisite back with its gentle curve down to his ass on full display, Fuyuki was a painter's wet dream come true.

“I'm ready,” he whispered over his shoulder, his dark eyes full of promises.

I untied my belt and let my sleeping robe fall gracelessly to puddle at my feet. Kneeling down, I bent to kiss the slim ankles and pressed my lips against each bared inch of skin up his legs. He sighed rapturously as I explored the soft warmth of the velvety inner thighs, and whined when I deliberately missed his growing arousal. Instead I dipped my tongue into his belly button, before swirling it around that slight indentation.

“Yuki...” he moaned softly. “That feels really good.”

“I like it when you call me Yuki,” I murmured, trailing kisses up his flat belly to his dusky dipples. They were already pert with attention and I flicked my tongue over them. He inhaled sharply and his hands came to my shoulders, fingers scraping over my skin. I could feel my erection brushing over his; I pressed my hips down, hard, grinding against him for that momentary pleasure.

Fuyuki managed to grin when I resumed sucking on the small patch under his Adam's apple. “You seem to be... taking your time tonight, Yuki.”

“Occasionally I am more than a sex-crazed fiend,” I said seriously and he laughed. It was a nice sound. I insinuated my legs between his, feeling him willingly wrapping his long limbs about mine with a sigh. “Though if you keep making those sexy little moans and whines, I believe I will revert to that form.”

“I like all the forms you have, my dear Yuki,” he confided and rubbed his feet up and down my shins. I sucked on his earlobe and my tongue darted out to trace the contours of his ear. He shuddered and whined again, his skin sliding more easily against me. He felt warm and tasted salty; I licked him again, enjoying how he shivered with each contact. Reaching around, I got the oil we had been using and applied it liberally over my fingers.

As the first finger pushed into him, I gazed into his eyes and said, “I'm going to be rough later, Fuyuki.”

“I can take it,” he assured me and then gasped when I inserted two other digits with little warning. “I can take it.”

“I know.” I locked my mouth over his while my fingers pumped in and out of his tight heat, carefully stretching him for me. Then I hooked one of his legs over my elbow. “Fuyuki, I'm glad we got together.”

He smiled up at me, his glorious hair disheveled. “Me too, Yuki.” He reached down and stroked me a few times and then looped his hands around my neck. “Fuck me.”

I bared my teeth at him and thrust hard into that welcoming heat. He buried his face in my shoulder as we moved, gingerly at first, and then with greater passion. I snapped my hips forward, again and again, feeling the muscles massaging my length. It was good, but not good enough. I led his leg about my waist and placed my hands about his head for better support. With a slight adjustment in angle, I struck his prostate and he screamed, throwing his head backwards. I relished the cry and continued thrusting hard; his fingers clawed down the sides of my body. Fuyuki, usually so composed, was gasping for breath as I pounded into him; my left hand wrapped about his erection and I was thumbing his slit and rubbing all over the engorged head.

He climaxed with yet another cry, his ejaculate making it even more slippery between our bodies. I could feel my own release approaching and I let go of all control. My left hand let go of his cock and slipped up his body, kneading and rubbing as I went. He clung to my shoulders, his legs still clamped about my waist.

My left hand was now directly over his heart.

I came, my vision blurring as my hips locked forward, all sense of time and place thrown aside for that one splendid moment.

And as I came down from the high and slipped out of his body, I kissed Fuyuki on the mouth as tenderly as I could. “I'm sorry, Fuyuki.”

“What for?” he asked in a whisper.

“For this,” I replied, and directed a bolt of hado into his heart.

He never had time to react.

xxxxx

Aizen-sama came when I called, disguised by Kyoka Suigetsu.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I found out who he was,” I said, numbed. “He was working for Soifon.”

“Kitamura-san?”

I glared at him through red-rimmed eyes. “You know who he was,” I spat. “Don't pretend you don't. That was Kuchiki Kaede. He was gathering intel on us.” I tried to swallow and nearly gagged. “On me.”

Aizen-sama hunkered down and covered the body, still naked, with the dark red sheets I had grown to love. “How did you find out?”

“I looked,” I whispered. “I finally looked. And then I found.”

“My poor Gin,” he said soothingly, pulling me into an embrace. I rested against his broad chest and listened to his heartbeat. “My poor Gin.”

“Why do they keep hurting me?” I asked brokenly. “Can't I have someone without them trying to hurt me?”

“Of course you can, my dearest Gin,” murmured my lover. He stroked my sticky cheeks of the tear streaks.

I buried my face into his neck. “Where did I go wrong, Aizen-sama?”

He sighed. “You have always trusted too easily, Gin, and that's why you can be hurt.”

“I don't wanna be hurt anymore.”

“As long as you let them into your heart, darling Gin, you will be.”

I sniffed. “Then I won't let them. Not anymore.”

Aizen-sama cradled me close to him. “Don't trust people, Gin. Not anybody.”

For the first time in decades, I cried myself to sleep in Aizen-sama's arms.

xxxxx

Though there was some curiosity as to where Fuyuki had gone, most accepted that he had been unceremoniously dumped and had returned to the outer reaches of the Rukongai. Few dared to inquire after him.

I had kept a single lock of his lovely hair, locked within his _biwa_ case. That was all of him that I wanted to remember.

 


	90. 90.

I re-opened the document holding Fuyuki's data. Then, for the rest of the night I stared at the photo that came up on the screen.

_This is impossible._

I refused to shut the personnel file. What he said, what he did... everything about Fuyuki replayed itself in my head.

And then, that final look of mild surprise when I killed him.

_This is impossible._

When morning came, I headed to the office and snapped at Utagawa to deal with the office for the rest of the day. Then I grabbed my sword and _haori_ and stormed out from the office, slamming aside all those unfortunate enough to get in my way.

_You're gonna pay. You are so gonna pay._

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was looking over the deployment of his shinigami for the Inter-Society Captain-Generals when I got there.

 _Fine. I will give you face._ Walking up to him, I said quietly, “I want to talk to you.”

“Not now, Gin. Perhaps later.” He indicated something on the list on his clipboard.

I smacked that fucking clipboard out of his hands. “They can clear out,” I hissed, with a nod at the assembled shinigami, “or I can spear them through with Shinsou.”

He set them to their tasks and directed me to some seats on the side. “What is it?” he asked.

He had the gall to ask.

I managed to restrain the urge to scream at him. “You set me up. You made me kill Fuyuki.”

“I did?” he tilted his head, his brown eyes innocent behind those bloody glasses. “I don't remember ever making such a statement.”

“I checked the files again last night.” There was no way he could wiggle out of this. I had never never as angry with him as I was now. “You changed the photos. Fuyuki wasn't Kuchiki Kaede. They're completely different people! _You –_ played – me. You played _me_ for a fool!?”

He smiled – he _smiled! -_ at me. “I never told you to look Kuchiki Kaede up, Gin. I have never even mentioned that name. You did that.” Aizen-sama's smile turned even more benign, as he added the knife in my wound. “All on your own.”

I pulled him up to his feet and met him eye to eye. “You directed me to the Kuchiki records,” I whispered. “You knew I would encounter that photo, that entry. You _knew._ Don't pretend, Aizen Sousuke, Aizen- _go-ban_ -fucking- _taichou_.”

He merely looked at me.

That innocent look grated. “It doesn't become you. You know you manipulated me into killing Fuyuki.”

“Why would I do that?”

“How would I know?” I released his collar. The fury boiled inside, but regret and anguish roared to the surface. “Aizen-sama, Fuyuki was an innocent.”

_His coy smirk, tossed over his shoulder._

“There is no such creature, Gin,” said Aizen-sama tenderly.

“He was, Aizen-sama!” I licked my lips. “But you tricked me into thinking he was an undercover agent.”

He smirked. “You chose to believe that. I have never made any mention of the term.”

“You said to-” I suddenly stopped. My thoughts crashed and realigned into clear understanding. I moved closer and I could see that he was genuinely pleased by my rage. He _wanted_ me to find out. “You said to be careful of those I sleep with,” I parroted softly. “To not trust so easily.”

There was the faintest of nods. “You weren't speaking of Fuyuki. You weren't speaking of Fuyuki at all.”

Aizen-sama's face was the perfect textbook model of impassiveness.

I backed away; my mind was swimming with the implications. My knees folded when I crashed into a seat behind me. “You were speaking... of yourself. You were telling me to – I was supposed to be on guard... against _you_?”

_Against you?!_

“I'm glad you finally caught on,” he said as he knelt before me. “Took you long enough, lover.”

He said that the first time he admitted that he cared for me. He dared to use the same words? He dared to use the same words!

Even I was surprised that my slap landed smartly across his cheek. He caught my wrist and turned it.

“Bastard,” I spat out bitterly. “What was all that for? You've never – _never!_ – interfered with my playing before. Why Fuyuki? What has he ever done to you?”

Aizen-sama kissed the back of my hand. I tugged at it, trying to pull out of his grip, but he held on firmly. His gentle gaze locked with mine. “Gin, a thing about me is that I am very, very patient when it comes it comes to revenge.”

_Revenge?_

“Besides,” he added, “who said he's the one who has done anything to me?”

“This is... payback?” I whispered, feeling the blood drain from my face. “For something _I_ did?”

He raised his brows.

I stared at him and felt my thoughts churn. “Payback for wh-?” Then I understood and pushed to my feet. He stood too and we faced each other down. I kept my voice low, not out of consideration of his position but because I could not believe his motivation was something so petty. “Just because I forbade you from hurting Ukitake-san, you had murder Fuyuki?”

“Mainly that, and because I didn't like him.” Aizen-sama caught my chin; I stared blankly into his eyes. He leaned in and brushed his lips over mine. I tried to twist away from his touch; he disgusted me.

“Since when have you been allowed to limit me?” he asked. “I have permitted you to play around all these years; do not presume I will allow such liberties forever. And you, my dearest Gin, don't assume I will allow you to have such authority over me. But don't worry, I will keep my promise to leave Ukitake-san alone.”

Like that was supposed to make me feel better? He had me kill someone I liked just because he didn't like that I restricted him from Ukitake-taichou? He could screw that white-haired captain all the fuck he wanted if I could have Fuyuki spared!

I fell back slightly when he suddenly released his hold. I glared at him. “If this is meant to be my lesson, rest assured that I've learned it well,” I told him. “I have learned it _very_ well.”

I walked away but something else nagged at me for clarification. I regarded him when I reached the last step. “And the device I found behind my cabinet?”

“Just a lil' something I had Szayel whip up to ensure our mental privacy,” he answered breezily. “What did you think it was? Perhaps spying equipment set there by a Kyoraku Shunsui? Or even little sneaky Soifon?”

_He set me up all the way._

“You were playing me even then? I'm surprised that I feel surprised.”

“What can I say?” He smiled. “We learn something new everyday.”

I wished I could attack him. But I also knew that I would never win.

“Anything else, Gin?”

My temper flared and died. “You promised me Kira Izuru,” I informed him shortly. “Don't you dare touch a hair on that boy's head.”

xxxxx

With no recourse and no one to pour out my frustration to, I chose to drink. I drank heavily and for the entire night, until someone dragged me out of my seat and directed me down a walkway. Muzzily I realized it was Kurosawa who was forcing me out towards my division and towards my captain's quarters and fought out of his hold. He gripped my arm tightly until I stamped on his foot.

“Fuck,” he swore loudly and I grinned at him, until I realized that I had sprawled to the ground. My legs felt boneless.

His face swam into my vision, and it was not a pleasing sight for me. I pushed that ugly mug away, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

“You're right, he's out of it,” he said to someone I wasn't aware was present in the region, but frankly I did not give a fuck. I pushed to my feet and tried to navigate back to the drinking shop, but there were five – no, six paths – branching out from where I stood. I frowned at the paths as they meandered and danced before my eyes. Were they supposed to do that?

“No, they're not,” said Kurosawa.

I must have spoken aloud. I glared up at one of his three heads. “Get outta my way, prickly.”

“Prickly?”

“That unkempt beard thing you keep. It's ugly. It's ugly. You're ugly. Get out of my way.” I pulled myself up and, when I felt nausea forcing its way up my throat, decided to head home. Then I frowned again. “Which way is home?”

Kurosawa made an impatient noise and turned me to face my left – _no wait, that's my right... I think_ – and I staggered towards home.

It was a cool evening. Night. Cool midnight. The moon gleamed down at me and I bared my teeth at it. _How dare it look so beautiful when I feel miserable?_

Then I saw Kira Izuru at the door of my quarters, which made up for Kurosawa's face earlier, and then it was a blank from then on.

xxxxx

When I woke up with the dawn, I was a little surprised by the presence of a slim, naked blond in my bed. In repose, Kira had a slight furrow between his brows, as if he was worrying at something. His fringe fell in his eyes and I brushed it aside, a little guilty that I had no recollection of how he ended up in my embrace.

He stirred faintly but did not wake.

I watched him as he turned with a wince, and noticed how I had bruised him around the wrists and collarbones, and the discolored skin near the neck where I had bit into him. Guilt nibbled at my long-dormant conscience. It wasn't what I had wanted or planned for him, but I didn't know how to handle this right now.

With as much caution as I was able to muster, I slipped out of bed and went to work.

xxxxx

Kira refused to meet me when I asked him to the next six days, and I stayed away from Aizen-sama's territory over the same duration. I also locked him out of my mind, not that he tried contacting me.

I didn't blame the blond, and I didn't forgive my mentor.

The loneliness ate at me, but I endured.

I really needed to get used to sleeping alone again in my bed.

xxxxx

“Yamamoto-soutaichou requests your presence,” said the messenger, posed in his respectful crouch.

Ukitake smiled his winning smile at me. “I guess you have to leave then.”

“I'm sorry we can't finish the game, Ukitake-san,” I apologized as I rose to my feet. “Perhaps another day.”

“I'll wait for your appointment then,” he answered.

“Do you know what it's about?” I asked the messenger.

He shook his head and I sighed shortly. As I sped towards the first division I wondered if I was supposed to be concerned. Generally the soutaichou left me alone; he probably had no idea how to deal with me. As far as I know, I was doing my job, unlike Kyoraku, wasn't actively trying to blow my budget like Kurotsuchi, Zaraki or Soifon, and was relatively uninvolved in inter-office politics, like the Kuchiki rod-up-his-ass princeling and Komamura.

Maybe I _should_ be worried.

When I got there, there were three old men waiting for me, two of whom were faces I had not seen for decades.

“Kapitän Hartmann?” I said, genuinely surprised. “Kapitängeneral von der Decken? I didn't expect to meet you here!”

Yamamoto stood up. He said, in halting but clearly enunciated German, “I will be brief. Ichimaru-san, they wish to speak with you regarding a private matter. I leave the decision to you, but I will request that you make suitable arrangements whatever your decision. Kapitän, Kapitängeneral, I take my leave.”

“Thank you,” said the two captains from Fegefeuer.

I walked up to the two and shook hands, as was their custom, and tried to recall my German as best as I could. “This is indeed a great honor and a great pleasure, Kapitän, Kapitängeneral. I place my services at your command.”

Kapitängeneral von der Decken coughed politely. He was a fine gentleman with a neatly trimmed beard and silver-gray eyes, and a reiatsu that spoke of storms and thunder. I had come into contact with him merely once in the ten years I spent in Fegefeuer, but I remembered being in awe of his stately presence and dense reiatsu. He made an impression, that was for sure.

“I think I shall excuse myself also,” he said quietly. “But... Herr Ichimaru, I beg you not to think of this as a command, but a plea from someone very dear to me, if that carries any weight in your consideration. I leave now. Wolfric, do explain as succinctly as you can.” He smiled once at me, as brief as summer lightning, and exited with heavy steps.

“What is this private matter Yamamoto-soutaichou spoke of, Kapitän Hartmann?” I inquired once the Kapitängeneral was gone. “Who is the person dear to Kapitängeneral von der Decken?”

“I've brought Bauer here, Ichimaru,” said Wolfric Hartmann. There was a shadow over his usually calm regard. “He is... fading out. It began in spring, and we have not found a way to slow it down. He requested to come here once he knew his uncle-”

“Karl's fading out?” I cut in, shocked. “He's... he's dying?”

Hartmann was grieved. “Yes. I'm sorry to bring such news to you.”

I collapsed into the chair Kapitängeneral von der Decken had vacated moments earlier. “Karl... Karl is strong,” I managed at last. He was strong, strong enough to match and sometimes overpower me. “He can't be-”

“-we all know that strength is not the deciding factor when the time comes for us to comlete the cycle, Ichimaru.” To his credit, Hartmann was definitely feeling the loss as much as I did, though differently. “His uncle is the Kapitängeneral, and that's why we could get special dispensation for him to travel here with Kapitängeneral von der Decken.”

I stared at Hartmann. “Where is Karl?”

Kapitän Hartmann got to his feet, as fluid and powerful as I remembered. He nodded his head and led the way to a room just a few doors from the meeting room. He did not stay after indicating which room it was, but patted my shoulder and left.

I swallowed and then knocked. “Karl? It's Gin. May I come in?”

The door slid open almost immediately.

“Gin!” Karl Bauer stepped forward and wrapped me in a huge bear hug. “Gin, oh Gin... I thought I'd never see you again!”

He was as tall and muscular as I recalled, his blond beard now more neatly trimmed than he had done so when I was his lover. His lovely eyes still twinkled with good nature and his white-teethed smile was as warm and welcoming as ever.

I smiled at him, kissed his cheek and then broke into tears as he hugged me once more.

He had little to no reiatsu left. That meant he had less than a fortnight... if that long.

“Papa Bear,” I cried, “what took you so long to tell me?”

 


	91. 91.

Karl hugged me to him tightly the second I started crying. “It's all right, love. I'm still around. I'm here. I came to see you,” he murmured, mixing broken Japanese with German. I clung to him, glad of his broad shoulders and assuring physical strength. His fingers threaded through my hair with tender fondness, and I sniffed back the uncharacteristic outburst as best as I could.

“That's right, Gin,” Karl said, his big thumbs rubbing my cheeks and tilting my face up to look at him. I smiled damply. The dying man consoling the healthy. He sighed and pressed his mouth to mine. I warmed to the kiss: less overwhelming than before, but still as sweet.

It was a pleasant surprise in a way to have Karl here in Seireitei, so soon after I had lost Fuyuki. He invited me into his room. Yamamoto had had the room decorated in the Western style.

I spotted a familiar friend. “You brought Brísingamen with you?”

Brísingamen was Karl's kriegmesser, one which housed a warrior female spirit. It was a dead sword now that Karl was fading out. Shinsou expressed a touch of regret at the loss – he had liked conversing with Brísingamen, as she was an experienced soldier. I touched the curved two-handed sword. Karl's face was a mask of resigned sorrow.

“I thought I ought to keep it with me to the end of my days.” He covered my hand and his warmth seeped into me. “I knew my days were numbered when I stopped hearing her.”

I turned my hand to link my fingers with his. “You'll pull through, Papa Bear.”

He tightened his grip and kissed my temple. “I know I won't last too long, my love. That's why I pulled all the strings I had to get here to see you, before I-”

“Don't say it,” I warned, a finger to his lips. “Don't say it, please.”

Karl grinned. “Doesn't change facts, Gin.”

xxxxx

That night I watched him sleep.

His blond hair looked brownish-gray in the half-light from the corridor's many lamps shadowed by the rice-paper walls. I rested on my elbow, just enjoying the soft smile and how his left arm was thrown over my waist possessively.

 _:He's not going to survive, is he?:_ Shinsou asked in a subdued tone.

I sighed softly. _No, he's not._

_:I think I ought to let you know... I believe I can feel Brísingamen.:_

_WHAT?_

Shinsou sounded uncertain. _:It seems as if she's still in there somewhere, but I'm not sure if it is her. The presence is very weak.:_

 _Is there some way you can bring her out?_ I ventured with some hesitation.

Shinsou pondered and answered, _:I doubt it. Her voice –_ _if_ _it's her voice – is very frail.:_

 _Can you get to her?_ I needed to check. If Brísingamen was still audible to Shinsou, that meant that there might be a fighting chance. I wasn't optimistic, but I refused to give up hope.

_:I believe so, yes.:_

_Can I come along?_

_:... It might not be advisable to do so.:_

_Meaning that I can?_

_:Yes.:_ Shinsou was hesitant. He seldom was, which added further worry to what I was feeling. Still, knowing that I could get to Karl's sword spirit meant a great deal to me. I crept out of bed, careful not to disturb Karl, and sat down near his sword. Although I wasn't carrying Shinsou in my hand, I had no problem linking with him once I began to meditate.

The inner world was darkening with violent indigo clouds massing on the horizon. The vivid red backdrop of my inner world appeared blood-soaked, and the pale figure of Shinsou was even more striking.

He turned about slowly. He was as haughty as ever, his ivory-white braid trailing out behind him like a comet's tail. I didn't bother smiling at him.

“What's with the weather?” I asked.

He smiled mirthlessly. “Horrible ever since that _biwa_ player passed away. Growing worse once you met with Karl Bauer.”

“You grow worse everyday,” I informed him dryly. “Now how can we get to meet with Brísingamen?”

“Ride into the storm, of course.” His golden eyes sought mine. “I'm not certain that _is_ her, you know.”

“I do know.” I arranged my haori over my shoulders carefully. “Let's go.”

xxxxx

Other than a chaotic swirl in which I felt stretched a hundred miles long, extended in seventy different directions, and squashed to the size of a pea, the journey was uneventful. I had never been to another shinigami's inner world, and from what I knew it was possible only between intimates. Yet I'd never once thought of entering Aizen-sama's world.

Did Aizen-sama visit Shinsou before?

The idea was oddly uncomfortable. I hoped Karl wouldn't take it as an intrusion into what was most personal to anyone.

His inner world was fragmented. Shinsou guided me through areas of visibility and parts where nothing existed. I had to trust my sword completely; if by some ill-luck we get separated, I would be stranded here in limbo. That was not an ideal scenario.

Finally Shinsou halted. “This is it,” he murmured, his grip on his spear tightening.

I studied the surrounds. “This is a cavern,” I said. “And there are stairs leading downwards.”

“She's down there.” Shinsou frowned, his aristocratic face for a moment betraying uncertainty. “I believe she is.”

“I'll go first,” I said.

Shinsou held me back. “What if something dangerous was below?”

“Then you can spear him through,” I said with a slight grin. Then I strode forward unconcernedly.

The stairs were steep and many; I lost track of time as I led the winding way into what appeared to be the underbelly of the world. The slick walls dripped with slime. Our footsteps echoed in hollow tones as we proceeded.

Finally we touched the bottom. By now we could no longer see the entrance from which we came. We weren't that concerned about that though, as now we could hear a sibilant hissing.

“I don't think that's her,” I murmured in an aside to Shinsou. He merely shrugged. We advanced cautiously now, aware that there was something else ahead that we might not expect.

A macabre sight greeted us. I blinked a few times and then elbowed Shinsou in his ribs lightly. “That's... not normal, is it?”

“No it's not.” Shinsou looked a little green about the gills.

The hissing came from a multitude of snakes, dark indigo-colored snakes that slithered about in a loose circle, keeping Shinsou and I at a distance from Brísingamen. She was being swallowed by a huge serpent; its jaws were already at her elbows. The huge snake ignored us, as did the deep blue reptiles on the ground.

“Brísingamen,” Shinsou called out hesitantly.

Brísingamen blinked; her eyes were bloodshot. “Who is that?”

I tried not to gag. My sword took one step forward. “I am Shinsou. We've not met for a long time.”

“Shinsou... that sounds familiar...” Brísingamen sighed. “I just want this to be over... why are you here?”

“Did these snakes come suddenly? Does this happen to every fading out?” I blurted out, as disgust crept up my spine. I hated snakes, especially when they are out in force.

Abruptly, Brísingamen laughed. It was terrifying hearing laughter from a woman half-eaten by a snake, and I almost screamed when her bright green eyes locked on mine. Brísingamen bared her teeth.

“Loki,” she spat. “Loki escaped. Find Loki, and avenge us. Karl, my brave warrior... my Karl!”

Brísingamen began keening and her shrill cry reverberated in the cavern. Shinsou dragged me away from the spot as the snakes started to rise and hiss defiance at us. I could hardly tear myself from the trapped spirit, yet I knew there was nothing I could do about her impending demise.

Nor was there anything I could do to slow Karl's death.

xxxxx

“Who is Loki?” I asked Karl the next morning.

“Loki?” he repeated, puzzled. Then he smiled. “He's a trickster Norse god. He's supposedly chained to a rock, with one of his eyes blinded, and a serpent is supposed to rip venom into the empty eye socket.” He stretched and yawned.

I frowned. Why did Brísingamen tell me to hunt Loki down then? I couldn't possibly assassinate a myth. As he pulled on a fresh set of clothes, Karl added offhandedly, “It's also the name of my uncle's halberd.”

“Your uncle?” I echoed dumbly. Then light dawned. “You mean Kapitangeneral von der Decken?”

“Yeah, him.” Karl chuckled. “I don't like calling his official title. It's too damn long.”

Vaguely I agreed, my mind on other matters. If it was von der Decken's doing, he was going to have a very difficult time ahead.

And Aizen-sama also.

Suddenly I felt happier. I had to find some way to repay him for what he made me do, and Karl had just offered me a way to kill two birds with one stone.

xxxxx

After some discussion with Utagawa and Yamamoto, I moved in temporarily with Karl Bauer. He was elated, of course, and we spent most days walking about Seireitei's scenic spots. I knew Aizen-sama was aware of my move, but when he wanted to query me I closed off that part of our link.

I also saw Kira watching us when I led Karl around the Academy. The blond's quiet curiosity and puzzled hurt bothered me, but I decided against complicating matters. I did make time to dash off a short letter promising to explain when I had the time though.

To be honest I loved that Karl was here with me. Being around Karl was probably one of the most serene times of my life. When I was in Fegefeuer, I had been wary of him. It was after his many attempts to get to know me better did I warm up to him, and he had surprised me with his sweet nature. 

And his confession of love had taken me by surprise.

Now that he was in Seireitei, I felt free. I wasn't the Gin that was afraid of being left behind, I wasn't weak or marginalized, I wasn't an easy bastard who slept around with everyone he wanted, I wasn't someone's tool, I wasn't trying to think up new ways of luring new entertainment.

I was _me._

I had almost forgotten what it felt like not to be fettered by Aizen-sama's expectations, and to be free of all the mind games I engaged in since I returned.

Karl was simple. He knew he loved me, he knew his principles and stuck by them, he was a soldier in the battle against the hollows. He had nothing more to him. No plots, no underlying motives, no word or mind games, no constant keeping me on my toes.

For once in a very long time, I felt safe and secure.

We hadn't made love at all since I moved in, but I knew I would never feel this loved again.

Every night I watched him as he fell asleep. This night was no different: he had burrowed into my side and I studied him while the light burned low. Sometimes tears would come, hard and silent. I muffled my sniffles with my free hand and scrubbed the wetness away without waking Karl. It was so obvious that I was furious with myself for not seeing it earlier.

I should never have come back to Seireitei.

Or I should never hove gone to Fegefeuer.

One way or the other. If I hadn't gone, I would never have met this man who truly adored me – the me who was a better person than what I was now – and I wouldn't know this bittersweet pang of love that would soon be lost. Karl was a good man who trusted me fully, and I had too few of these in my life.

If I had stayed there in Fegefeuer, then I wouldn't have become so entangled with Aizen-sama that I could no longer extricate myself from him if I tried. There was so much of him in me: his philosophies, his politics, his affections, his prejudices, his beliefs. I could fool myself into thinking myself independent of his control for now, but when it came to the crunch, it would be him I followed. Even if I knew he had set a trap, I would probably still walk into it, clear-eyed and blinded.

If he had _instructed_ me to kill Fuyuki... I would have done it.

Why couldn't I have just met one of them?

“Gin?” Karl's sleepy voice rumbled and he shifted to regard me. “What is it? You all right?”

I nodded and tried to smile. “Just... just caught up in some unpleasant thoughts.”

He sighed and nestled his face against my thighs. “Love, I know it's hard. It's hard for me too.”

“Probably harder for you, Papa Bear,” I said, stroking through his short hair. “How do you bear with it?”

“I know that I've done some good with my existence,” he answered simply. “And I know that, whatever else, you've been loved and are loved by someone deserving of you. That is enough.”

“How can you know that?”

He sighed again and sat up. “Gin, I'm not without connections here in Seireitei. They tell me that you and your captain have been together for a long time. Why do you think I didn't insist on transferring here?” He caressed my lower lip and chuckled sadly. “I knew I wasn't a match for whoever held your heart here. If I was, you'd have stayed in Fegefeuer. But your captain – he commands you and your heart far more than I can ever hope to do. So he'll take good care of you, far more than I can.”

My heart ached as he said those words. I hugged him and pressed into his embrace.

“You're too good for me, Karl,” I whispered brokenly. “I wish... If only I can turn back time, if only I can be a better person, someone who is compatible with you... If only I wasn't- If only you were the one I met so long ago-”

“If only I could also be the man you truly love,” he murmured, his low voice catching in his throat. “But I just want to savor 'now', Gin. I only have so much of 'now' left; I can't afford to waste them on regrets.”

I shook my head. I could not convey my true thoughts to him, yet somehow he understood that I needed him to be the strong one again in the relationship. He had sheltered me and loved me back then, so many decades ago; he held me now and soothed me until I was calm again.

 

 


	92. 92.

It was still dark outside when Karl touched my arm and woke me from my doze.

"Yes, Karl, darling?" I murmured sleepily.

He smiled at me and stroked my cheek. I leaned tentatively into the touch and sighed. He was so cold.

"Gin," he whispered, "take care of yourself now, hear?"

And there was nothing more.

xxxxx

How do you even begin to describe such grief?

All I did was hold him in an embrace, his cold body burning against my skin.

No tears, no sound, no movement, no breath.

xxxxx

"Karl Bauer has faded out," I reported dully to Kapitangeneral von der Decken.

It was yet dark; the estate was dead silent. The guards were changing shifts now. Soon it would be a new day, dawning clear and crisp. The world would restart its engines, sending people out and about to run the minute machines of a civilization, totally unaware of its loss of a good man.

I grieved, very privately.

The old man regarded me, his eyes focused despite the early rising. Then, in a fluid motion marking his years as a warrior, he stood up and caught me in a firm embrace. "You eased his passing," he rumbled, his voice rough and weary. "For that, you have my gratitude."

"You brought him here," I demurred and slipped out of his embrace; I did not want to be touched by him. "I owe you much for that."

He shook his head. "Herr Ichimaru, I didn't wish to have him here, nor did I wish to acknowledge your relationship. But his pain was too great to ignore; he was like a son to me."

I averted my gaze. There was not much else to be said. He sighed and returned to his bed as I swiveled about on my heel and stepped out of room.

xxxxx

As expected, Wolfric Hartmann hunted me out the day after Karl's passing.

"What did he tell you at the end?" asked the grizzled old captain.

I stared at him. "That you were the one who set him up," I stated evenly.

Hartmann blanched. "Th- I don't believe that."

I smiled thinly. "Then why are you scared?" My hand slipped to Shinsou's handle. "Why do you back away from me, old man?"

"I would never have hurt Karl," stuttered Hartmann. He used to be a figure of authority, in my eyes, and now he was trying to walk away from me. "He was-"

"-was in the way of the Kapitangeneral seat?" Tilting my head, I affected a frown. "Do you really think fooling Brisingamen would also fool me? I know that it wasn't Loki who trapped her." I tutted at his simple-mindedness. “And I also know that you wield Orphiuchus. I have an _excellent_ memory, Kapitan Hartmann.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Are you going to make an issue out of this?”

“Not yet.” My nonchalant tone threw him off. Then I grinned brightly at him. “Do ask Aizen-san to come speak with me, will you? There are some things I want to check with him.”

xxxxx

“Come on in,” I invited when Aizen-sama appeared by the door.

He took a seat graciously. “How are you dealing?”

“I'm dealing.” Karl's death had been an unnecessary waste; Wolfric would pay. “Karl Bauer was set up to die, wasn't he?”

Aizen-sama held up his hands. “Not my plan,” he stated. “Much as I wished to remove him from your life forever, I knew you cherished your relationship with this incorruptible man.” He smiled and added, “He _is_ a good person, one of the rare few whom I can unequivocally affirm.”

Of course he can. I had been with him eight years, and he had not tampered with Aizen-sama's training at all. “Unexpected from you. Why are you helping Hartmann?”

“Because with him, Fegefeuer will be set back at least five decades.” He shrugged. So that was the reason why Hartmann's ploy wasn't exposed to von der Decken. With the old wolf at the helm, Aizen-sama would have less of a worry regarding other Societies assisting Seireitei when we finally make our move.

“They have come a long way,” I warned. “I do not think that a change in leadership will deter them in their progress.”

My captain raised his brows. “With von der Decken, Fegefeuer is free to develop and explore. They are coming close to attaining levels of technology that Urahara developed, and that man is an insane but visionary genius.” His jaw tightened. “I cannot, will not risk them discovering a hougyoku on their own.”

I sat forward, propping my chin in one hand. “And so you wish for me to kill von der Decken? Be a cat's paw?”

“I can provide you with an opening,” he said softly, locking his brown eyes with mine.

I looked away. “Aizen-sama, I love you. You know that. But these few days...” I chuckled shortly. “These few days I've been in the company of a good man. And I miss this... good man.”

Thus decided, I got out of my chair.

“I will not do this, not for you, and definitely not for Hartmann. I won't defile Karl's death with Hartmann's ambition.”

“I understand,” he replied gravely.

 _But I will revenge his death for your wishes._ I did not share the thought. “I can set Fegefeuer back a century, if you want.”

“Care to share?” he asked as he headed for the door. That smile was just a hint too innocent.

I shrugged in imitation of his actions. “No. You'll have to trust me.”

xxxxx

It was remarkable that the senkaimon wasn't guarded. Perhaps it was too great a crime to even consider locking people into limbo, for the Sweeper to clear up.

Nonetheless it did make my job much easier.

A simple temporary dye job, dark long-sleeved shirt and pants, and a short blade; twenty-eight senkaimon, set up especially for the Conference, were soon dealt with.

When reiatsu was pumped into the machinery to hold the senkaimon open for the forty minutes for Society-to-Society transfer, the power surges along five conduits. With three cut and two severely frayed, the gates should snap shut just around the time the travelers were halfway to their destination.

If everything went as planned, Aizen-sama would be facing an inquiry, and the leaders would die.

Hartmann would die.

I smiled grimly. Karl would have disapproved, but since he wasn't here to dissuade me, I would go ahead as planned.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

“I think he would be happier here,” confided von der Decken when he handed me Brisingamen. I caressed the hilt and held it close to my side. When the Kapitangeneral embraced me roughly, I was tempted to inform him about my ploy, but desisted. If not for his obtuseness, Hartmann would never have had a chance to hurt Karl.

Aizen-sama was at the same portal where I bade farewell to the Fegefeuer contingent. Hartmann ignored both of us and stalked right up to the center of the gateway. I smiled and gave a little wave.

“Bye bye,” I said to the old grizzled captain when he passed me.

Aizen-sama was conferring with the technician from the Twelfth regarding the coordinates. _Go to another gate,_ ' I told him and flash-stepped back to my division.

I wouldn't need to see how everything developed.

xxxxx

“Knock knock.” I peered into the dormitory room. “Kira Izuru, you around?”

Obviously he was. There weren't many items in the room, only a couple of beds, a low table and a small counter that doubled as a kitchen. And a redhead and a blond who had vastly different reactions towards me.

Abarai's antagonism was refreshing. He was so darlingly protective over the delectable little blond just beside him. It was also obvious that Kira was stronger than Abarai, and that the protectiveness was unwelcome.

“Ichimaru-taichou,” Abarai gritted out.

Kira had hopped to his feet, scattering his notes in the process. “Ichimaru-taichou?”

“Izuru, I've been looking for you. Come for a walk with me,” I said, making sure that not a single phrase sounded like a query. Abarai flushed as he tugged on Kira's pants leg, but the pale youth jogged cheerfully up to me. I flashed a smile at the red-haired young student. “I'll take good care of him fer ya, Abarai-kun.”

After I had led Kira out of the Academy dorms, he pulled lightly on my sleeve. “Gin?” he murmured softly. “A-are you all right?”

“Why shouldn't I be?” I asked in a breezy tone. “Good weather, a cute young man beside me... I feel decades younger already.”

“But what about the tall European gentleman you were showing around the other day?”

I swallowed the pain. “He's... left, Izuru. We're old friends. He came to visit and to tell me that he's about to start a new life.”

“Oh.” The pink blush that enticed me before had reappeared. Kira bowed his head. “I'm sorry.”

“Never mind that. How come you haven't been answering my letters?”

A look of complete befuddlement settled over his features. “Letters? I didn't get any letters...”

I studied him. He would not lie to me, not the way he was. I brushed his hair from his brow. He was frowning now, and that intense gaze made his eyes bluer than ever. “What is it?”

“I'm gonna _kill_ Abarai Renji!” he snarled.

“O-kay... I'm guessing that ain't the real 'kill him' kind of 'kill him'.”

He shook his head. “No, of course not! Who could contemplate such a thing? It's just that – I knew he'd been acting odd! He'd been intercepting my letters! How dare he? Ooh... I'm gonna throttle him and-mmph!”

I smirked when I stopped kissing him. “You're cute when you're angry.” Then my smirk softened. “I'm sorry about that night. I didn't mean to... I saw what I left on your body. I'm sorry.”

My hand lingered over his right bicep and he lowered his chin, as if hiding his face from me.

“Izuru?”

“I... I thought... I thought you hated me,” he murmured with a half-sob. “I... there was no word from you and... I was afraid to talk to you and Renji was saying that – that you hurt me and that I was stupid to-”

“Shh, hush, Izuru, hush, it's okay, it's okay.” I pulled the blond into an embrace. “It's alright. I lost control, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I won't hurt you again, I'm sorry.”

“...but Gin...” His words were slightly muffled; he tilted his face up and buried it in the crook of my neck. “Gin, am I sick?”

He was so still in my arms. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I... when I felt the marks, the bruises... I really felt – Gin, when you – hurt – me... I loved it. I loved feeling each mark you left on me, and I thought I was sick in the head for even thinking it, and-and yet I _hated_ myself for even liking it, and now I'm telling you all this oh gods you're gonna hate me because I'm so completely out of my mind...”

I shook him. “Hey. Breathe,” I commanded.

He stopped his desperate rambling, though he was gasping.

“Izuru, I don't hate you. I'm sorry I hurt you before, but if you really enjoy it, we can work something out.”

Large pale blue eyes stared dumbly at me. “Y-you mean...”

“You're not the only person in the world who actually enjoys feeling extreme sensations, Izuru,” I whispered slowly. “And I, uh, I aim to please when I have a lover.”

His blush was immediate and he twisted out of my hold. “But it's... it's wrong.” He breathed out with a shudder. “Isn't it?”

“If you like it, how can it be wrong?”

“But... to _want_ to be hurt...” Kira's breathing became more rapid. “I-I can't imagine why I can even think that, I can't imagine how I can like it, to-to want it.”

I soothed his rounded back and pulled him close again. “Because you're you, Izuru. It's you, and you can't explain that. You're the person staring in a mirror asking the mirror to explain why you look the way you look. It's impossible, Izuru. Just accept it.”

“It's wrong, isn't it?” he insisted weakly.

I refused to let him struggle out of my hold. “It's not wrong if you like it. Tell yourself that, Izuru. Say it.”

Kira sniffed. “It's n-not wrong... it's not wrong if I... if I like it.”

“Say it again.”

He repeated his words, less hesitantly, and finally I felt his posture relax infinitesimally into my embrace. Kira's fingers were clutching my haori with incredible tension now and I let him, willing him to yield to his darker desires.

“So, Izuru,” I mouthed near the pink shell of his ear, “do you want me to hurt you when we make love?”

He shivered. For a minute he did not speak, but eventually he nodded and pressed close to my body. “Mark me as yours, every time. Please.”

“As you wish.”

 


	93. 93.

It turned out as I had expected. Aizen-sama had his budget cut, his headcount reduced, and the Inter-Society Liaison office taken from him. That had been his pride and joy; with that he had been allowed to leave Seireitei anytime he wanted. Now he was chained here, like a dog, having to ask permission from the higher-ups each time he needed to walk through the Senkaimon.

Though, after that fantastic 'accident' which led to the loss of so many leaders, I doubted anybody would willingly want to journey through limbo for some time.

Aizen-sama, playing the captain again, defended his officers against salary cuts. I snorted softly, earning an irritated glance from Soi Fon. Kyoraku's expression was inscrutable, but there was a faint air of smug satisfaction when he looked at Aizen-sama. I ignored Kurotsuchi's sneer as I peered about the hall; Zaraki was – yuck – digging his nose, of all things; Kurosawa was scowling as though someone owed him a good lay; the princeling could have been replaced by a statue, for all the feelings he betrayed.

Not all the captains were here to witness Aizen-sama's disgrace, for which I was rather disappointed. I linked with him and commented, _Nicely said. So very noble._

 _'Thank you for the praise,'_ he replied nonchalantly, his head still bowed in deference.

By the time the central 46's sentence was completely read out, I was already bored stiff. I was here not just to see Aizen-sama punished, so the self-important rambling of deluded old folk was more than annoying. Still, once the court had cleared, I managed to meet my lover and mentor just outside the door.

“So,” I asked with a pleasant smile, “how are you feeling?”

“Are you sure you ought to be talking to a disgraced captain?” he asked in return, his hands held behind his back.

I shrugged. “You were my captain. It's only natural to be concerned.”

“I'm fine. I expected this outcome.” His expression was one of unconcern; I was perhaps one of the best readers of Aizen-sama's moods, and now I could not decipher it at all. He darted a glance at me. “However, I wonder if we are even now?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I've lost Fuyuki, you've suffered a setback in your career. It works out.”

They were not equivalent in terms of value in other people's eyes, I was sure of that, but Fuyuki did mean quite a bit to me. Having the psychological pleasure of Byakuya debauched by my hands far outweighed the actual physical benefits of Fuyuki's considerable skills.

“So why are you here meeting me?” Aizen-sama inquired politely.

I pulled him into the nearest alley. It was a through road, but I doubted any shinigami would dare interrupt two captains. I licked the tip of his nose and grinned up at him. “You don't seem too angry with me.”

“Why should I be?” To my surprise he hugged me warmly. “I'm proud of you, actually. Only you have the impudence to take vengeance. It's refreshing.”

Of course, my captain would enjoy having someone act against him. It was a character flaw, I personally felt, but he had more than enough resources to deal with whatever unexpected situation cropping up from it.

xxxxx

After I bade him a languorous goodnight, with much murmured sweet nothings and tender nuzzlings, I settled down with the love letter for Kira in my hands. It wasn't sentimental drivel – most of it anyway – but I was surprised that Aizen-sama did not use our old toys, especially that vial of liquid cold. It might have been depleted, I supposed; I hadn't inquired if he had made another vial after he doused me with it.

I shuddered at the memory of that bone-biting agony. It was... remarkable, how much liberty I gave to Aizen-sama of my body and of my safety. I was sure he wasn't thinking of my survival when he gave in to that instinctive cruelty when he etched that chilling fire over an already lacerated back. I barely knew him then, and he was able to inflict that much pain on me.

However I didn't reject him even with the torture he inflicted on me. For such a long while afterwards, I had craved the pain he could give, so much so that even Kai Mizuki got jealous that I was the one being hurt instead of her. Did I mistake his native ruthlessness with intense desire?

Eventually I grew out of the need for pain, and as I turned down the lights I tried to remember what made me give it up. I still liked the thought of some of our toys, particularly those that restrained, but knives and burns and whipping that sliced the skin...?

I shivered again.

_Karl had always been gentle._

The thought rose unbidden. Shaking my head, I turned towards the training grounds where I knew I would be assured of privacy. I still had Karl's dead blade mounted in my study, to remind me of what quality I had beyond those honed by Aizen-sama. Much as I loved my captain, I still had a conscience. Karl's reappearance had reminded me of that. Whether that was detrimental or beneficial to Aizen-sama's overall plans, I did not know.

Yet if Karl knew I had slew all those leaders, what would he have done?

Probably tried to capture me or die trying. Karl was a good man. He was a sheep thrown among foxes and wolves, and poor Karl just couldn't possibly survive us.

Wolfric Hartmann was akin to me and Aizen-sama. Devious old wolf; his use of Ophiuchus the snake holder wouldn't have been discovered had not Shinsou dragged me through the layers into Karl/Brisingamen's psyche. If it were up to me, I might have poisoned my target slowly; I preferred to take charge than have Shinsou dirty his hands, and poisoning was one way of making sure I was untraceable.

Aizen-sama would have done something similar had he the same kind of sword as Wolfric, yet with Kyoka Suigetsu he could easily just slay the target and have one of his agents stand in for the dead man. Or he could do what he did to Rinbayashi, or to Byakuya's father.

It suddenly occurred to me that Aizen-sama had mellowed quite a bit. His sadistic tendencies hadn't reared its head for some time, unless Hisagi was kinkier than I gave him credit for. Or perhaps Aizen-sama was keeping himself in check?

I smirked as I stretched my hands out above my head. I could drop him a discreet query now; I was sure he was resting at home. Closing my eyes, I relaxed the block on our mind link.

His thoughts were confused and distracted. That in itself was odd. I decided to keep mum until I could figure out what he was thinking of.

To my surprise, he was thinking of our soul rings.

My eyes snapped open. _So these rings weren't meant to link us forever?_ I pondered silently. Then my gaze hardened. He had been suing these rings to keep me under tabs then, to gain entry into my thoughts and emotions and to reassure me that I was his one true love. He needed no assurances of my fealty or proof of my loyalty when he could check up on me at any time with these rings.

He had lied to me – again.

How many of these rings did he give out then? How many of these so-called soul mates did he identify?

But perhaps I was being a little too bitter. I ought to give him the benefit of the doubt, and maybe give him hell later for lying to me. Scratch that maybe; I would definitely make him pay for lying to me about the rings. Carefully I sweetened my mental tone.

 _Feeling antsy about us spending forever together?_ I thought as I connected more strongly with him.

He sighed with some resignation. _Should've known I can't hide that from you._

 _You were broadcasting unease. I checked in and followed your thoughts._ I eased up on my cajoling. _It was just a shill to get diehard romantics hooked in, wasn't it?_

' _I apologise,'_ he thought with a caressing tone.

_What for?_

_'Giving you that romantic spiel about souls linked to each other.'_

I waved the apology aside. _I've grown past the need of such frail reassurances of your affection._

He wasn't fooled by my flippant tone, apparently. ' _You require more robust ones?'_

 _The fact that you're still connected to me means a lot, Aizen-sama._ That much was true. I did love him even if he kept pulling at the foundation of my love for him. _Even if you and I are parted in the next life, I think... I will still remember, and I will still find you._

xxxxx

xxxxx

I was pathetic.

Caged like an animal, locked in the darkness... I huddled in a corner, watching the world grow large and wild and free, while people around me whirled and danced away from me. Rangiku moved on, her sunny disposition a mocking counterpoint to my weak and disheveled state; Hisagi, flickering in form from a large dog to a man, his canted eyes glaring at me while his tongue lolled out with his panting; Fuyuki, or perhaps Byakuya, long sleeves fluttering and torn, eyes painted with vibrant emerald-sapphire; Hisana sitting too far above on a limb, her slender legs swinging back ad forth as she cradled a bundle in her arms.

“Let me out,” I rasped. My fingers were skeletal. The nails had been ripped to the roots and I suddenly pulled my hands back, ashamed of their state. They ignored me. All of them walked into the sunshine and glowed with love and warmth. I pressed forward again, pressing against the bars of my cage. “Let me out, please...”

“They don't deserve you,” crooned a low, sensual voice from behind me. I turned.

It was a great hall, lit by only one flickering torch, and there was no one except for one man. In the dark there was a figure in white robes. His face could not be seen; he was familiar and threatening. He leaned his cheek on one hand and beckoned to me with the other, so I stepped forward. He urged softly, “Come to me.”

He could see all of me; my nakedness, the scars and bruises, the drying and caked blood all over my skin. “Come to me, and be mine.”

“I can't,” I protested, but my feet kept moving. “I mustn't. I-I'm disgusting. Look at me. Look at me. I can't... I can't be yours.”

“Come to me,” he repeated and I kept moving despite my protests. And then I was at the foot of the stairs, where I knelt, and the figure in white came down. His face was hidden in shadow but I could see his hands, strong and elegant hands that took my destroyed ones in them. “Be mine.”

I folded in on myself, hiding my face. I could smell blood and dirt all over me. “I can't. I mustn't.”

“You already are,” he informed me.

Screaming, I threw my head back and bared my neck to him. He was behind me, around me, _in_ me; he was hard and hot and dominating. Our skins slid together, slick with oil and darkness, and when I looked down it was a pale young face, eyes wide and darkened with lust. His halo of ashy blond hair gleamed sickly and I pushed harder into him.

Black-red fluid oozed from my skin, like sweat, rolling stickily down and leaving crimson trails that smeared the youth below.

“That's right,” the figure behind me purred encouragingly. “Be mine, and then he will be yours.”

I ran my smooth hands over his ivory skin, watching as the pale youth's eyes rolled back in his head and feeling his legs tighten with pleasure. I lowered my head and drank from his mouth, and cried out when I felt sharp blades pierce my throat.

Heat flooded me first and my hands crawled over the young man's torso until my fingers slipped around that slender neck arched for me. The youth gasped a name, and then those lips parted, his tongue darting out to taste my mouth.

The figure in white behind me placed his hands over mine and rocked into me. I moaned and pushed back against him, my dark black-crimson soaked skin gleaming with desire and marking the young male below me with red fluid over his white skin.

“Come to me, and be mine,” he repeated once more, before our hands flexed and tightened about the youth's throat.

xxxxx

xxxxx

When I woke up I was drenched with perspiration. That had been one of the most disturbing dreams I had ever had. My head pounded with remnant loathing and pleasure. I knew I had thought of a threesome with Kira and Aizen-sama, but what was with my dripping blood and that caged dirtiness earlier? And then the strangulation... I reached down between my legs and was not surprised to find that I was hard.

“I am such a psychopath,” I muttered under my breath. A nightmare which ended with me and Aizen-sama strangling Kira made me extremely aroused. It was fascinating image and I kept it in my head for a moment longer. The idea sent tingles down to pool at my groin and I started touching myself, gently at first, and then with greater urgency.

How would Kira struggle? Claw at my face or kick out? Or maybe try to force my grip from his throat? Or just lie there, gripping my forearms until he ran out of strength? His porcelain complexion would flush pink, then back to deathly white; his eyes would roll back. I was sure his back would be bowing off the futon because he would try to throw me off his body. He would be so fucking tight and hot and desperate... I stroked myself faster and harder, my breathing rapid and shallow. He would be begging with his eyes, those large tearful eyes, and his mouth wide open and silently shrieking for breath. Those cute ears would turn pink with effort and if I bit down on the lobes he would sense the pain searing into a dizzying mind. And if I let go he would clasp my shoulders with his nails digging into skin, so hard that they leave scores, and he wouldn't be able to resist at all when I thrust so hard and roughly that he bleeds... I trembled and tensed, before I relaxed.

The scenario probably wouldn't happen, I told myself as I cleaned up the mess. Erotic strangulation wasn't a fetish shared by many; if not for Aizen-sama, I wouldn't have even found the temerity to attempt it, let alone enjoy the sensations it brought. Though Kira did say he liked being hurt, I doubted he meant being pushed to the edge of death. I would start the boy off slow first, and see how much I could push him. Maybe with some training...

It could be a good day after all.

xxxxx

Since I was free for tea that afternoon, I sent a message down to the academy for Kira to meet me. My messenger came back with more information than I expected. It turned out that the blond had been allocated a division and would be reporting to Aizen-sama next week for his duties.

I was nonplussed. Kira was supposed to go to the fourth and then rise through the ranks, before he came to me as a lieutenant. What made him change his mind?

xxxxx

“She sounded... um, her suggestion was quite logical and I-I thought...”

I was not pleased at all, but I took care not to display annoyance. “I asked you to go to the fourth, Izuru.”

Kira bowed his head and stared at his hands. I sighed and pushed the letter Aizen-sama made me write across to him. He had better appreciate it; I had not written love letters to anyone before, not even to Aizen-sama. Kira played with it after taking the envelope, as if he didn't know whether to open it now or later.

“It's a letter for private perusal, Izuru,” I said. I tapped the table thoughtfully, trying to find the best way to get Kira into my room tonight. That scene from my dream the night before kept playing in my head, and I was itching to be rid of the tension in my body. “I, uh, thought it'd be nice. Still, I wish you had followed my instructions.”

“Well, it is Aizen-taichou and, and we've both worked for him before, so I thought... I thought you wouldn't mind.”

“Why should I mind? Like you said, he was my captain.”

“Ichimaru-taichou,” Kira said suddenly, his fingers brushing the back of my hand. That contact brought to mind the image of his slim white neck grasped my my fingers, and the imagination of him clawing for freedom trying to remove my hands. “Why don't you want me to go to the fifth?”

I had to get that thought out of my head; it would become an unhealthy obsession and I did not want to rush Kira. “Let's walk, Izuru.”

As we ambled towards my residence, I mulled over a way to get him to view the relationship Aizen-sama and I had in a different light. Well, some stupid philosopher once mentioned that honesty was the best policy, wo let's see how far that could go.

I started with the traditional oening statement. “Once upon a time there was a young student who was insecure in his abilities. He thought that if he wanted to become somebody powerful, someone who can protect his dearest friend, he had to find a backer. Someone whose abilities can help hone his own.”

Two shinigami passed us by and exchanged odd looks with each other when they noticed Kira following me. I let them leave; they were inconsequential.

“The student – let's call him Yuki, shall we? - Yuki found a lieutenant whom he thought would be perfect. This lieutenant was respected and well-liked by almost everyone. Yuki thought that this lieutenant would be easy to manipulate, and so found a way to seduce the lieutenant.”

We were passing the fifth division. I chuckled under my breath. If Aizen-sama was listening in at the moment, he gave no sign of it. “Yet Yuki didn't expect to fall in love with that lieutenant who later became captain. Yuki fell so hard, he crashed. He betrayed his best friend whom he married – the same best friend he had wanted to protect – for the captain. Happily, he followed the captain, believing himself to be the happiest of shinigami. He was successful, for he had become lieutenant to the man he loved; he was treasured, for the captain spent practically every day with him; he was accomplished, for their division was one of the best-run in all of Gotei. There was nothing Yuki's captain and lover denied him; Yuki always received what he wanted.”

Oh yes, everything I wanted except what I needed: the truth. Somehow, I doubted that Aizen-sama ever saw the truth as a fixed reality. Kyoka Suigetsu was a mirror of mirrors, so probably Aizen-sama thought of truth as but one reflection of a situation.

“Ichimaru-taichou, maybe-”

“Yet one day Yuki discovered his bankai,” I went on, brushing aside Kira's interjection, “which meant that he had a chance to take on the role and responsibilities of a captain. He passed, of course; he had always been precocious, and his lover was a good teacher. So Yuki became a captain. However, an archaic law set in place by another man, a coward who dared not face his heart, meant that Yuki had to be separated from his lover. So Yuki stepped aside.”

“In his heart Yuki believed that he was loved, the way he loved the captain. However, one fine day, he realized that he was but one in a succession of lovers. Less than a year after Yuki became captain and they broke off their romantic relationship, that captain found another stray to love and take care of, the way he had cared for and loved Yuki.”

Hisagi Shuuhei would be so very well taken care of now. I was glad I introduced Aizen-sama to the boy. Hisagi needed taming and leashing. Aizen-sama's kindness – sorry, I meant Aizen- _taichou's_ kindness – would win him over far more than my skills as a lover would ever do.

“And so Yuki turned elsewhere to seek someone who would adore him the way Yuki adored that captain. Maybe, Yuki thought, maybe he could show his captain how to love someone who came to him. Maybe he could take revenge of a sort on the man who led him to believe he was the only one. Or maybe he just needed to find solace. Whatever it is... Yuki has yet to find it.”

Kira caught up with me and took my elbow. “Gin-san, I-I'm sorry. I-I-I didn't think that... I can ask the dean to change the papers?”

“It's already too late.” I looked at him. Somehow, I could also imagine Kira being captivated by Aizen Sousuke the captain, the responsible and dedicated captain. Aizen-sama might not sleep with him, but he could definitely turn Kira from me. “You'll be reporting to his offices very soon. I'm sure you'll learn a lot. Ah, here we are at my place. How convenient. You can just leave me here, Kira-san. We'll meet again-”

“I'd like to come in, if I may.”

I was surprised by Kira's brash statement. So very very long ago, I made the decision to follow Aizen-sama. I opened the gate and the blond young man approached. Before he could enter, I caught his arm. My eyes met his firm blue gaze and I said slowly, “If you enter, Izuru, I will open myself fully to you.”

The same words he said to me, so very, very long ago. Only this time, I would show Aizen-sama how it was supposed to have been.

I would be honest once I secured Kira's love. I would not lie, not the way Aizen-sama did.

The younger male held my gaze for a beat longer, before he walked confidently towards my residence. I smiled.

_Aizen-sama, let me show you how it's done._

 


	94. 94.

I sauntered into Aizen-sama's office with a very good mood. The night before Kira had given me a glimpse into his deep-seated burden, and I couldn't help thinking how it explained his fascination with me. But there was something else on my mind today, and I would have to be ready to stand my ground.

As I stepped in I shut and locked the door. My captain was at his desk already, his folders open before him. From experience I knew that was the roster; he liked to check on his division's activities of the day. I grabbed a chair and took a seat in front of him.

“Good morning,” he said once he saw that it was me. “How may I help you?”

 _Nothing like being direct._ I smiled brightly. “Good morning. I want you to break up with Hisagi Shuuhei.”

“Come again?”

He removed his glasses and leaned back in his chair. That was the sign that he was not in his _taichou_ persona, and I had better explain myself damn well before he punished me.

I would love some of that. But not now.

“Break up with Hisagi Shuuhei,” I repeated, “or I will break it up for you.”

His smile was anything but reassuring. His tone was still remarkably genteel and calm though. “Now why would I do that when the boy is such pleasurable company?”

I pushed out of my seat and strolled to his side of the desk. Perching on the edge, I smiled secretively down at him. “I noticed. And he totally is falling for you, despite his wish not to.”

A hand landed on my left knee and started sliding up to my hip. “So why would I want to break up with him?”

“Because you are starting to like him a little too much, Aizen-sama,” I whispered into his ear. “And that just sits wrong in my stomach.”

“Oh, so someone is jealous,” he answered, his right hand now slipping to the dip of my lap. I felt myself quicken involuntarily as his molten gaze locked on mine. “All the more I should enjoy the boy now, shouldn't I?”

I bent forward more, my nose brushing his cheek. “No, you really shouldn't.” I gasped when his hand cupped my beginning arousal and began to move. “I won't stand for it, Aizen-sama. I will not risk someone taking my place in your heart – just as you won't tolerate somebody threatening yours in mine.”

His warm breath washed down my neck. “Ah, but remember that I don't love him.”

“You might grow to,” I murmured, one hand now steadying myself on his shoulder as his palm rubbed over the growing bulge firmly. “I owe him for taking Kira away from him. And I don't think I want to see him hurt, which he will if he stays with you.”

“You still hold on to notions of honor,” he chuckled. His fingers made quick work of my belt and his hand slipped in. I choked back a cry and fastened my mouth about the shell of his ear. “After my lessons, you still believe that honor is important?”

“You're honorable in some ways yourself, Aizen-sama; I learned it from you.” My pants were coming in faster and shorter bursts. It was taking a lot for me to hold on to my thoughts coherently.

“What else did you learn from me?” crooned Aizen-sama. His breathing was speeding up too.

I shuddered as the heat pooled tightly in my groin. The question hung in my mind, but my thoughts were a mess; he kept working his fingers, varying his strokes until he could sense my impending climax and then began pumping rhythmically. His lips fastened on the curve of my neck and I could feel his teeth latched into the juncture. As my grip on his shoulder tightened so did his teeth, and the pain pushed me closer and closer to the edge.

“Faster,” I gasped. “More.”

He complied, altering his grip to play his thumb over the head of my arousal. Vision blurring, all I could do was dig my fingers into his robe and move my hips as much as I could without falling off the desk. It had been too long since he touched me intimately, too damn long since he showed he wanted me, too fucking long since-

With a sharp intake of breath I came into his hand. My body shook and I almost toppled off the edge, but he caught me by the waist with the other arm. I leaned on him and tried to hold back the pants, forcing my heart rate to slow.

He drew his hand from my uniform and held it up. With a smirk, I brought it to my mouth and began licking off the stickiness, from wrist to fingertips, slowly and meticulously, sucking on the elegant and strong fingers until he pulled his hand back.

“I learned to be ruthless,” I said, going back to our topic of discussion. “To be patient. To observe. And that's why I want you to break up – before the boy notices anything off about you, or finds any incriminating evidence. He's a little too smart, and being around you any more will only make him sharper.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “I've been thinking about it myself. He learns fast, most of the time. I'll give in on this.”

I kissed his brow in gratitude. He helped me with my belt, fastening it for me.

“However, he's not the only reason you're here.” As always, my lover was incisive.

I shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly. “I found out that you'll have Kira here in your division soon. Have you heard about his zanpakuto?”

“Yes. It's name is Wabisuke. Rather odd, I thought.”

“Not odd at all.” I noticed Aizen-sama shifting a little in his seat and dropped from my perch. “He told me something last night which was very... enlightening.”

Chocolate brown eyes were lit with amusement as I shook off my white coat and folded it on the floor, where I knelt on it. The captain's coat meant little to me now. I was Aizen-sama's, no matter what the Gotei said, and to hell with their laws.

“Really? Enlighten me then,”

“Y'see,” I said, untying the knot of Aizen-sama's belt and pushing the folds of his uniform aside, “the boy has deep, dark secrets. And he has a fascinating 'good father' complex. I then thought about _my_ father complex.”

“You don't know your father, Gin,” he commented and then rested his head back on his chair. I licked from the base of his erection to the tip, circling it once with my tongue.

“Kira's father and mother had a pretty good relationship,” I said, ignoring his statement. My fingers danced up his shaft, tracing it lightly as it hardened. The dark red cock glistened and I kissed the tip again. Such a lovely, heavy taste. “But Kira found out his father had a lover.”

His eyes were closed as I ran the flat of my tongue along the underside of his arousal. “Was it someone close to them?”

“Very close,” I answered, my lips moving over him. “The lover was their neighbor.”

“And it was a man?”

“Oh yes. So Kira thought he had to be a better son to get his father's attention.” As I recounted the tale my hands worked my captain's erection slowly. There was a flush on his cheeks now and I blew into the dark curls in his groin. He laughed softly and ruffled my hair. “But as he grew up, he found out that he desired not his father's attention but the neighbor's. And so one day, young Kira went and confessed to his neighbor, and his neighbor took him as a lover too.”

Aizen-sama was breathing very heavily now. I took him into my mouth and began sucking, my tongue swirling over the heated length as I bobbed my head. His fingers threaded into my hair and grasped me gently. Low, throaty moans issued from my lover, until he pulled me away from his erection. When I looked up, his eyes were dark with lust.

“Kneel with your back against the wall,” he rasped.

I complied readily. He stood over me, one hand cradling the back of my head and the other forearm braced on the wall. My hands skated up over his legs and held his hips, thumbs circling the pelvic bone.

“Tell me,” he said as my tongue flicked over his cock, “did the father find out?”

“Yes, he did. But he never stopped being a good father to his son, never stopped caring about him.”

I swallowed my captain's erection and peered up through my wispy bangs. His eyes were almost black with desire, like a hollow's eyes, and when his hips snapped forward I felt myself almost gag.

With his hand to keep me from hurting my head, I relaxed my throat and let him thrust into my mouth, hollowing my cheeks with suction as he moved. The thrusts sped up and became more forceful and I took it, inhaling his musk as he pushed deeper and deeper into me. When his hips locked and the muscles in his thighs tightened, I flexed my fingers and drank in his salty come as he emptied into me.

Gently licking him clean and catching any that escaped from my mouth on my fingers, I helped him with his attire before I sighed with satisfaction. He got back to his chair and I finally returned to mine. Remarkably my coat was still clean. The cleaning crew in the Fifth hadn't dropped their standards.

Aizen-sama put his glasses back on. “So who are you in the scenario?”

“The neighbor, of course,” I answered. “You're the good daddy, always nice and giving and concerned; Kira's guilty that he has me now. So if you work that right, that boy's gonna turn out a huge asset to me when he becomes my lieutenant.”

“What about your 'father' complex?” asked Aizen-sama with a small grin. “Who's your father?”

I raised my eyebrows. “You are, of course.”

He laughed quietly. “Which would make what we did – what we have done, and will probably do in the future – rather incestuous in note, don't you think?”

“Aw, aren't you just the nastiest daddy around then?”

“I don't know. Not when my, uh, son is so very, very seductive and obedient at spreading his legs just for me.”

I tutted at him. “Dirty talk. Not nice for a captain, you know.” I tilted my head. “But you are my father, in a way. Everything I do, everything I've learned... the way I fight, interact, the way I think, the values I trust... was all shaped by you. You made me who I am, regardless of what I was like before.”

“I'm flattered.”

“But you never taught me what the truth was.”

He wasn't expecting that either. Twice in one morning I had caught him off-guard. The smile on his handsome face deepened. “There is no such thing as truth, Gin. You should know that by now. The so-called truth is but a perspective.”

“No.” My smile disappeared. “The truth is there. Perspectives come in when people recount what happens, but the event itself is a truth.”

“You seem to have found a truth somewhere then.”

“How was your relationship with your father, Aizen-sama?”

Three times I surprised him in one morning. It was a record. His expression darkened and was almost threatening now. His fingers laced together again and his reiatsu crackled about me.

I ignored it and continued, “It was never present, was it? You were the child that they forgot, and so you decided to forget them too. The little attention they gave you never lasted long, did it?”

“You forget your place, Gin.” Each syllable was enunciated, each word laced with warning.

Instead of flinching, I smiled cheerfully. “That's why you held on for so long with Urahara Kisuke. You thought that, if you kept at it long enough he'd love you, and only you. That his attentions wouldn't flutter away.”

“Gin-”

“That's why you feel threatened when you saw I was growing separate, distant from you. That's why you engineered that scheme for me to kill Fuyuki, and brought Karl here to let me see him die,” I soldiered on relentlessly. “You were afraid that I'd stop devoting my heart to you, that's why you started doubting whether the rings were actual soul rings, that's why you've been engaging in these petty little schemes to screw me and my mind up.”

He pushed to his feet and now I shivered under the weight of his reiatsu. “You go too far, Gin.”

“I haven't gone nearly far enough,” I forced myself to utter. “You think... you're thinking of throwing me over, now that I'm far from your sphere of influence... to have Hisagi take my place instead because he's not as sharp, not as smart; he's loyal to a fault and he has... a tendency to worship heroes. You're shaping him as you did me. I can see it. You're scared-”

He slammed me against the wall for a second time, but this time his hand was on my neck. His eyes burned into mine. “You talk too much.”

“There is a truth, Aizen-sama,” I rasped out hoarsely. “There is a truth which you refuse to see, and today... I've come here... to tell you. Kill me after that if you want.”

“Speak.” His grip did not relax. I could feel his power, physical and spiritual, pin me to the wall. His hold around my neck was near choking strength.

I swallowed. “The truth is, Aizen-sama... that I love you. I love you... to the exclusion of all other beings. I don't fucking _care..._ what you do to me, because I will stand by you. I will... I will not step aside to let others... take my place. That's the truth. You can... screw me over... ten thousand times... and ten thousand times I'll be furious with you... but I will never leave you. I'll never... step aside.”

Aizen-sama's hard gaze flickered for a moment.

I made myself grin. “I'm the only one, Aizen-sama. Face it. See that... there is no one else... dedicated to letting you have your way... have your way with him. No one else. I won't let there be.”

His fingers tightened and my mind shimmered towards unconsciousness. My breath was cut off and yet my hands remained limp. Just when I was about to black out he released me and let me fall to the floor.

Thankful for air, I stayed on the wooden floor and took in steady, huge gulps. When I finally had my breath back, I turned my head to regard my captain once more.

His expression was inscrutable.

Aizen-sama strode to the door and unlocked it, before he headed back to his desk. “I'll see you at the monthly meeting regarding the retreat, Ichimaru-san,” he said. There was no emotion in his voice. “Good morning to you.”

 


	95. 95.

I didn't make any fuss after that about Kira being in the Fifth division. Nor did I show any resentment against Aizen-sama giving me the cold shoulder. I had said what I needed to say, and I knew better than to whine about the consequences.

Kira on his part now trusted me fully, and confided in me about all his concerns and worries. Silly child. Still, he was a willing and eager bed partner, and open to all sorts of suggestions. That made up for his reliance on me.

To be relied on so thoroughly was somewhat disconcerting. Aizen-sama trusted me, of course, and depended on me for certain tasks, but Kira's dependence was another matter. The blond trusted that I would take care of him no matter what happened, and that I would always watch over him and shelter him. Was this how Aizen-sama felt when I was younger? When I wanted him to be everything to me?

No wonder I had been disappointed that he couldn't. No one could.

I made it a point to bring up my love for Aizen-sama daily, ensuring that Kira never forgot his place. Not a loud declaration, but maybe a wistful comment here, a lingering gaze there, a well-placed sigh, a murmured name when we coupled... small things. My winter blond was clever, so he ought to understand.

xxxxx

“The budget cuts mean that the captains will have to share lodgings this year.”

“Eh?” Kurosawa protested loudly. “Oh come on! It's a villa each, it's not that expensive!”

Yamamoto directed his captain-general glare squarely at the bearded captain. “It isn't, normally, but after you,” turning to Zaraki, “you,” turning to Kurotsuchi, “you,” Kyoraku, “you,” and me, “you wrecked the place the last time, they're intent on charging us triple.”

“I would give up my place at a villa and pay for my own expenses,” said Byakuya, “with the provision that I am left alone in my own human world dwelling.”

“Eh, no fair Yama-jii,” started Kyoraku, but he subsided after a fierce stare from the captain-general.

 _We must really be hard up this year._ I folded my arms and beamed at the old man. “Na, Yamamoto-soutaichou-san, how are we allocated the rooms then? Before we all start fighting to stay with Ukitake-taichou, ne?”

The white-haired captain looked startled by the roundabout compliment and blushed prettily. Kyoraku Shunsui looked tolerantly amused by my remark but no one missed how he shifted just an inch closer to his favorite person.

The captain-general sighed. I guessed he must feel the fossil sometimes, the way we behaved like young children. “We'll draw lots.”

A box was presented in the middle of the table. As it was passed down the table, each of us took one slip of paper from it. Sasakibe conjured up a chalkboard and wrote down the names of the six villas that had been booked. Aizen-sama smiled at the list; I examined the villas and found that one of it was named after his favorite poet.

Yamamoto cleared his throat. “Basho.”

“Kobayashi,” said Soifon, showing her slip.

I flipped mine around. “Issa.”

“Kobayashi,” read Unohana. “I'll be staying with Soifon-taichou then. May I be excused? There are a few patients whom I have to check on now.”

She was granted permission to leave. I noted Soifon's relieved expression. She really hated men, I supposed, but what might have happened to cause that? I mulled over the thought and grinned secretively. Maybe I ought to needle her a little more often.

“Buson.” Aizen-sama must be disappointed he didn't get Basho for his villa, but then again who would want to stay with the cantankerous old man?

Byakuya had opted not to stay with us and the box was moved to Komamura. The large captain pulled out a slip and rumbled, “Mabuchi.”

“Buson.” Kyoraku frowned. “I remember the old boy.”

“Mabuchi,” said Tousen, not heeding Kyoraku's rambling. He flattened his piece and folded his hands in his lap. I rolled my eyes. Thankfully he wasn't sharing one with me, else I might have just strangled the prim and proper bastard.

Kurosawa didn't even open his eyes when he reached in for the slip. He cracked open an eye. “Mine's Kakinomoto.”

There was a sudden tension when Zaraki grabbed a piece of paper. He scowled and showed it to us. “Can't read. What's it say?”

Sasakibe craned his neck. “Ah. Basho.”

“Abasho?”

“Basho, with Yamamoto-san,” supplied Ukitake helpfully.

Zaraki sat back. “Tch.”

The tension spiked when Kurotsuchi fished out his own.

“Kakinomoto,” hissed the scientist.

“Damn.”

“Kurosawa-taichou, be nice,” admonished Kyoraku, clearly pleased at Kurosawa's discomfort.

Ukitake had the last piece. “Issa it is then.”

I smiled at the tall white-haired captain. This should be fun.

Yamamoto nodded for Sasakibe to make the arrangements. “If there are no other matters, we'll adjourn for today. Be ready to leave punctually on the day itself.”

xxxxx

I traipsed after Byakuya. He seemed irritated by my following, which made me walk a little closer.

“Na, Byaku-chan, why aren't you willing to share villas with us common non-noble folk?”

“Since I have my personal lodgings which guarantee my privacy,” he stressed the last word ever so slightly, “I see no reason why I shouldn't take advantage of it.”

I pouted. Byakuya had to resist rolling his eyes. With a sigh, I teased, “I'll be lonely with no one to play with.”

“I'm not interested in such games, Ichimaru-san.” He leveled a Kuchiki stare at me which I defused with my smile. He looked away resolutely. “Do leave me alone.”

“How is your sister, Byaku-chan?”

That question stopped him in his tracks, but only for a moment. He almost turned around to snap at me, but proceeded to his division at a faster pace. I decided to let him be for now.

“You like to annoy him, don'cha?”

I tilted my head back and saw Zaraki's fearsome face. I grinned. “Yeah. He's fun to irritate.”

Zaraki walked down the corridor. “He is, isn't he? Too much of a tight-ass.” Then he scoffed. “And you aren't much better, are ya?”

“No I'm not,” I concurred with a soft chuckle. “I'm much worse.”

“You're a strange one, y'know,” he said as we strolled down the corridors together. “Haven't seen you in Aizen's company for some time.”

I shrugged. “We've moved on.”

“Really?” The much taller captain's tone was dubious. Sometimes I thought that Zaraki was much smarter than he appeared to be, and that took a man of great intelligence to carry off. I liked him, in the same way I liked a tiger: reeking of power, pain and death, yet majestic in its own way. Aizen-sama intended to battle him again; I for one would rather keep out of his way.

As we reached the junction where we would go our separate ways, I said, “Why are you so concerned about me and Aizen-taichou?”

“Because I have something against splitting up people fer no reason better than some stupid old law,” he stated with a wide, humorless grin. “It pisses me off something fierce.”

I shrugged. “Could've used you back in the day.”

“Could've, would've, should've.” Zaraki yawned. “Y'know, Ikkaku and Yumichika said you're a lonely guy. That was way back then. You still lonely now?”

“You offering comfort?” I teased lightly.

“No way in a million years. I don't swing that way-” Zaraki's gaze was the only warning I had and I ducked in time to avoid Yachiru's flying landing on Zaraki's face. As if he hadn't just been interrupted by a pink-haired cannonball, Zaraki went on, “but you can drop in now and then for a sparring match, or fer a meal if you wanted to.”

“That's nice of you to offer,” I answered honestly. “I'll let you know which day I'll come by.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

“I thought you'd never come by,” I said, pleasantly surprised.

Aizen-sama put down my reports on my desk and regarded me with kind brown eyes. “Why wouldn't I? You are my colleague, and my lieutenant before that. I mentored you, so I thought you might need some help knowing what to pack for the retreat.”

I shut the door. I had not thought that Aizen-sama would come into my home without announcing it beforehand, and now that he was here I saw my little messes piled up in the corners more clearly. I hurried around, straightening items, and then sat down at the desk. “That's sweet of you to offer.”

“Why don't you show me what you have?”

“This way.”

Leading him to the bedroom, I tried to probe his thoughts and emotions. There was nothing but a surface calm that I could not penetrate. I could not help a thrill of delight seeing him here though. It had been a tough week. He didn't speak to me outside of official meetings, he never made contact with me mentally, and when I tried to explore his thoughts and emotions I could not get anything more than superficial trivialities.

He settled near the trunk and lifted out some of my clothes. “You definitely should take less with you.”

“I just had no idea what goes on in these retreats,” I said defensively, crossing my arms over my ribs. “Most of these are to be on the safe side.”

“A little too safe.” Aizen-sama flashed me a gentle smile. I was not too happy about that however; it was his 'captain' smile. “We don't do much together. It is a time to reflect and relax. Usually we'll form our own small groups to chat, play or wander about together. Of course, anyone with Zaraki ends up battered, anyone with Kyoraku and Kurosawa ends up drunk, and anyone who ends up with Kurotsuchi ends up paranoid about everything.”

“You're with Kyoraku.”

“He hates me, so I doubt I'll be pulled into his drinking parties,” assured my lover. He refolded some of my clothes, leaving a good part out on the floor. “And you'll be with Ukitake-san, so I believe you should be in good hands.”

I sat down next to him and rested my chin on his shoulder, half-fearful that he would push me away. However he let me remain leaning on him.

“Na, Aizen-sama,” I whispered, “will he be there?”

He chuckled and patted my cheek. “Urahara always goes. It's his once-a-year chance to meet his old friends.”

I sighed and snuggled closer. “I don't want to see him there.”

“Still jealous?”

“I can't be?”

“It's a century ago, Gin.”

“And yet.” I turned and buried my nose into his neck. “I hate him. He hurt you before.”

Aizen-sama sighed and pulled me into his arms. His warmth and the amber of his scent flowed into my veins, reminding me once more of how much I worshiped this man. His hands were gentle as he caressed my hair. His voice was soft. “Gin, I intend to see him.”

“What?” I jerked up from my position. “But it's the first time we're out on a retreat together!”

“We can see each other every day. With him, I do not have easy access to what he knows other than this time of the year.” Aizen-sama hugged me and exhaled slowly again. “I wonder what I have to do this time.”

I pushed out of his embrace and stood up. “Get out of my house,” I hissed.

“Are you angry?” he asked, his soft gaze warm and apologetic.

I kicked aside the clothes that had been folded on the floor. “I'm bloody furious!”

“Why is that?”

“Because...” Why _was_ I angry? Had I any reason to be angry? I calmed my temper down.

Aizen-sama stood up and touched my cheek again. “I showed you a bad example the other day,” he murmured. His finger trailed to my mouth and tilted my chin up. “I lost my temper. We have to always maintain an even keel, Gin. Always. No matter the provocation, we must never lose our composure.”

I then smirked. “Lessons, Aizen-sama?”

“A simple one.” He pressed his mouth to mine. “Know thyself. Know what sort of things provoke you, and make sure you are aware when someone deliberately pushes your buttons.”

“You just did.”

“Know thy opponent, and push him beyond his limits,” Aizen-sama went on, his lips ghosting over mine in a most delightful manner. “Angry men make mistakes, and mistakes can be exploited. Push them.”

I licked his lower lip. “And know thy surroundings?”

Aizen-sama smiled and pulled off his glasses. “Indeed. Stay aware of circumstances, and always be sure you know how to work the environment to your advantage. Physical environment and social circumstances are both mighty weapons in the grip of the right kind of intelligence.” Then he crushed my mouth with his and pinned me against the wall.

I wrapped my legs about his waist and clung to him, glad that he had forgiven my deliberate provocation the other day, and more than glad that he had come to make things right between us again.

 


	96. 96.

I bounced on the balls of my feet as I surveyed the gray view outside the balcony. It rained early this afternoon when we arrived, it was still raining now, and I was ready to bet my next month's salary that it would rain tomorrow.

“It does put a damper on things, doesn't it?” asked Ukitake with a cheerful smile.

“You're far too bright and chirpy for a day like this, Ukitake-san,” I admonished with no real heat. It was nice being out of Seireitei, and sharing a villa with one of my favorite captains was a pleasant experience thus far. “Any ideas?”

Ukitake laughed and dug through his duffel bag. For a week-long trip, he had packed an amazing amount of luggage. Most of it was food – as I expected – but he had also brought playing cards, a mahjong set, half a dozen board games, and chess sets.

I picked out the _go_ set. It was something two persons could play, and I wasn't too bad at it. Ukitake set the board on the low table and pulled out a pack of dried persimmons.

“I heard you like these,” he offered.

I beamed at him. “Yep, I do.”

The game was simple enough, even if I was forced into defending ten moves on. Ukitake smiled all the time, whether he was under attack or simply advancing his advantage. It took me almost an hour before I admitted defeat.

“Again?” he asked. “I seldom play these days. When I'm well enough, I've to catch up on the paperwork.”

There was a hint of sorrow, a very tiny hint, and I brushed his hand with my fingers. “Have you ever considered finding another lieutenant, Ukitake-san?”

“Not yet.”

I placed the black and white seeds back into their respective containers. “I heard good things about the adopted Kuchiki girl.”

That was a lie; I hadn't been paying attention to her at all. Looking at that face reminded me of a kinder, sweeter one, and that was the one I wanted to be alive. Not this cowering bitch who hid behind her adopted brother, shaking every time I as much looked at her. Thankfully my thoughts did not reflect in my smile.

“She is not bad, but not lieutenant standard,” said the older captain. He shook his head. “Byakuya-san would never allow her to take the seat anyway.”

“Why not?”

“I don't rightly know.” Ukitake frowned, his beautiful eyes narrowing. “I suppose he wants to keep her safe and to keep her from dangerous missions. He has lost a lot already.”

I shrugged and set out my first seed. I was playing black. “You can't cocoon someone from harm and hurt. He of all people should be smart enough t' know that.”

“Ah, he is young. He has a lot to learn still.”

“He's as young as I am, an' I know better than he,” I retorted without sharpness.

Ukitake chuckled and tied his long hair in a knot at the base of his neck. “It's the experiences that make a man – or woman,” he added conscientiously, “wise in the ways of the world. I think that you've seen and done a lot more than he has, Ichimaru-san.”

“Ne, no fair now. You call him Byakuya-san and me Ichimaru-san? That's favoritism, that is.” I smiled winningly at him as I placed my piece on the board, blocking off an attack.

“All right, I will address you as Gin-san then, if you call me Jyuushiro.” Ukitake laughed again, shaking his head gently. “You are like a child sometimes, and yet you are also very much a man. I wonder who or what has made you into the way you are, Gin-san.”

I shrugged. “Everything?”

“Perhaps.”

After another game I surrendered to his superior skill and suggested poker instead. In this he was evenly matched; I smiled all the time too, and it was far harder to guess a hand if the person didn't have wide eyes which revealed surprise or dismay.

Ukitake lost three hands to me and I patted my winning loot of five packs of persimmons. If I were a suspicious bastard, I might think he brought these out on purpose to win my trust.

Not that I wasn't one.

“You know,” he said as he dealt out another round, “I never really apologized to you for the trouble I caused you and Sousuke-san.”

He really was in the habit of calling everyone by name. Maybe it was due to his seniority. Whatever it was, I had no issue with it. If it were that Byakuya lordling with his nose stuck in the air, would he take it in stride too? Probably. Ukitake was minor nobility but his tenure as captain would give him extra status.

He was waiting for me to respond. I cleared my throat and drew two more cards. Hmm. _A pair of tens._ “I'm over it, Jyuushiro-san. It's okay now.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” said Ukitake, though I knew he had not believed me when I said that. “It is something I'm not terribly proud of.”

“You did it for the benefit of the Society. Can't blame you for that.” I raised the stakes again. “If you could sacrifice all chances of happiness with Kyoraku-san, why can't I handle a simple undercover affair?”

Ukitake smiled. It was merely confirmation of a fact; I was sure he and Kyoraku knew Aizen-sama and I were seeing each other on the sly, having found alternative bed partners as smokescreens.

I might like Ukitake Jyuushiro, but I wasn't about to underestimate him.

xxxxx

“Good morning!” I chirruped.

To my delight Tousen snarled when I bounded up to him. “It's too early for your nonsense, Ichimaru-san.”

I pouted for the benefit of Komamura. “Your friend is mean. All I did was greet him.”

Komamura shrugged and raised one large hand in apology, but said nothing. I wondered what was under that helmet of his: ever since I could recall he had always hid behind it. Maybe that was why there were lots of women in his division – someone with an inferiority complex like his would either be very distant from them, or be a complete tyrant with them. Since Komamura was pretty honorable, I was willing to guess the former. Plus, Iba Tetsuzaemon was working for him, and he wouldn't work for a despicable man for anything.

It was nice to know how very moral some of my associates were. It made it easy to judge everyone else.

Zaraki's bells tinkled and I hopped over to his side. He still loomed over everyone, but in this swirl of strong reiatsu his didn't bother me in the slightest. Besides, being around him meant that I had to be vigilant of my own reiatsu shields, and that was good practice after all.

“Had a fine night?” I asked with a cheery grin.

Zaraki bared his teeth in an approximation of a smile. “Sure did. I spiked the geezer's drink and he nodded off pretty damn fast after. Left me alone, thank the Gods. Else he might have tried t' teach me somethin'.”

“We don't need that.”

“No we don't,” agreed Zaraki.

Byakuya had arrived, his hair barely touched by the rain. Like all of us, he had erected a simple shielding spell to keep himself from getting wet. I nudged Zaraki and sauntered over to the noble Kuchiki princeling.

“Goo~ood morning,” I said, tilting my head in a way that invaded his personal space. “Had a good rest away from us peasants?”

“Good morning.” He said nothing else but headed towards the seat assigned to him.

I caught up with him and threw an arm over his shoulder. His gray stare did nothing but to provoke me into being more friendly.

“Ne, Byaku-chan, Kyoraku-san is thinkin' of having a little gathering later fer sake and games and snacks after today's meetings. Since you're all alone out there, I thought you might like ta join us, y'know, keep from being all so lonely.” I let my voice drop into a dramatic sigh.

Byakuya shook my arm off and glared at me. “I appreciate the thought,” he lied, “but I would prefer not to attend. I have much to do back at my own place.”

“Liar,” I teased, dropping into the chair next to him, and climbing out again when he walked away from me. “Ah, Byaku-chan... not nice at all.”

“Do you mind?” he snapped when I was at his side again. “Why do you have to stick to me?”

I flicked my tongue over my lower lip and leaned in. I knew his reiatsu spiked but so did mine. The older captains ignored us, the newest of the dozen.

“Because you're fun,” I whispered.

“You-” His calm demeanor finally cracked, Byakuya's stormy eyes were snapping with fire. “You have better things to do, Ichimaru-san. I suggest you go find out what these are.”

I pouted in mock hurt, but grinned when he stalked very purposefully away from me to the protective shelter of Unohana. She was one woman I dared not cross – I doubted anyone dared to – and so I left Byakuya alone.

“She don't bite,” drawled Zaraki under his breath.

“As curious as I am, I don't want to know how you know that,” I remarked equally softly. “I do like my annual checkups fast and painless.”

Zaraki merely chuckled.

xxxxx

The meeting was long and pointless. Or pointless to me. I seldom paid attention to the actual meetings, preferring to read the minutes in my own time. Today the thankless task of taking minutes was pushed to Komamura, who was conscientious and meticulous. A quick peek at his handwriting showed a strong and determined hand. I was not surprised by that.

Aizen-sama was politely gazing at a spot above the presenter's left ear. I smirked and started doodling on the pad placed in my lap.

_'You seem bored.'_

_Same to you. Had a good night's rest?_

_'He snores. Loudly.'_ Aizen-sama sounded aggrieved. I sent him a soothing thought. _'How was your night?'_

I rubbed my nose. _We played games until midnight before he would let me turn in. He's really good at_ go _and poker. And there's this game called_ Monopoly _that he taught me, which I think will be rather up your alley._

_'I'd rather be up someplace else...'_

_You and your innuendos..._

He hid a cough behind a fist. _'In which end now?'_

 _You know, people actually think I am the one who comes up with all the suggestive phrases._ I smiled more widely at Kurotsuchi, who was the one presenting right now about a reishi-splitter to generate more power. The scientist looked disconcerted at my attentiveness. _I ought to tell everyone you're the one who taught me how to be sleazy._

_'It's supposed to get you in the mood, you know.'_

Aizen-sama had remarkable self-control. His expression had barely wavered.

_We're in different villas and our housemates are the formidable Kyoraku-san and Ukitake-san. I think it'd be a better idea not to have me in that kind of mood, my dear Aizen-sama._

Aizen-sama risked a brief flick of his eyes at me, his gaze full of amusement. I supposed he was in a good mood despite having to put up with Kyoraku's snoring. 

xxxxx

Ukitake dragged me over to the villa Aizen-sama was sharing with Kyoraku soon after the evening meal. Kyoraku soon persuaded Aizen-sama to a game of chess, which I hardly understoof. Kurosawa had found himself a place to lounge near the window, while Ukitake sat snacking next to Kyoraku. I lay on my belly next to Aizen-sama, aware that while these captains knew of that stupid law, they weren't about to report me or Aizen-sama for it. For one thing, Ukitake was still guilty about it.

It was still pouring and the bleak weather was getting me down. Not to mention the bursts of brilliant fireworks outside.

I usually appreciate firework displays, but this one just left me cold.

Aizen-sama had certainly noticed the bright flares of yellows, reds and greens. He glanced at me to see if I was affected, but wisely decided not to say anything.

“Does he even have the word 'subtlety' in his vocabulary?” commented Kurosawa.

Ukitake munched on roasted peanuts. “I doubt it. Nice fireworks, don't you think? In this rain too.”

As the white-haired captain joined Kurosawa at the window, I rolled my eyes and huffed at my long fringe. Aizen-sama ruffled my hair absentmindedly as he focused on the board, trying to figure out an advantage, and moved a prawn. Or was it a pawn?

“I thought he's supposed to keep himself far away from the old man,” Kyoraku remarked caustically. He moved a piece with a horse head. “Check.”

Now _that_ I knew. If Aizen-sama didn't defend himself, he would lose the game. He frowned at the battle on the checkered board and asked, “What do you think?”

As if I knew any more chess than he did. “Move that thingy with the cross on top to... here.” I pointed to the spot next to the king. Or was that the queen?

“You can't do that,” interrupted Kyoraku, merriment in his eyes. “The bishop can only move diagonally.”

“Oh.”

Aizen-sama and I stared blankly at the pieces again. He was definitely picking up the game fast, because I still had difficulty trying to understand why the pawn could only move forward but make a capture diagonally, and what was the matter with the horse that he had to sidestep each time he shifted.

Ukitake sat behind Aizen-sama now. I barely kept myself from snarling a warning. Ukitake peered over my lover's shoulder and said, “Use your queen to take his knight.”

“Uh.” Aizen-sama nibbled on his lower lip. “Which one is the queen?”

“This one.” Ukitake moved the piece for Aizen-sama and tipped the horse over. “Check.”

Kyoraku was not too happy about Ukitake's proximity with Aizen-sama either, if I were any judge of facial nuances. “No fair, Jyuu-chan! He has two advisers and I have none!”

“You've played ever since the game was devised; it's Sousuke-san's first time. Of course I'll help him!”

Kurosawa, heedless to the small bone of contention at the chess board, said, “Urahara must be getting soaked.”

I looked up and had to smirk at the foul language now painting the storm clouds in brilliant hues. Occasional stabs of lightning disrupted the glow of the fireworks, but the vulgarity was not in any way diminished.

“Shall I invite him over?” Kurosawa didn't wait for us to say a word and left.

I stood up too. No way in hell was I going to stay in the same room as that blond menace. Aizen-sama's gaze was understanding.

“I promised Zaraki-san a visit,” I demurred when Ukitake was about to speak. “See ya back at the villa, Jyuushiro-san.”

“Don't bother Kuchiki-san too much, Gin-san,” said Ukitake in friendly warning. I smiled broadly. He did have a sharp mind.

xxxxx

Zaraki was drinking all by his lonesome when I found him. “No one wants to spar with me,” he exclaimed morosely.

“Not if they want to retain the same physical shape as when they got here,” I answered honestly. Settling next to him in front of the small fire the villa's attendants had built was comforting. I was sure the attendants saw to Zaraki's comfort before anybody in our group. With his looks, they probably thought he might just rip apart the villa if he was unhappy.

“You?”

“I like my skin whole and intact with very few scars, thanks.”

“Come on,” urged Zaraki with a piratical grin. “You with yer fancy forest o' swords, and me with my old blade. What say you?”

I rolled my eyes again. “We don't have the permits for sparring in the real world, Zaraki-san. I was hoping you'd come with me to visit Byakuya's villa.”

The man snorted. “Tch. Shouldn't stop ya from fighting. And with this rain I don't wanna go out there except to bleed.”

“The Third doesn't have that much in the budget to pay the reparation bills even if I were suicidal enough to fight you.”

“Then why did you come over?” Zaraki snorted again. “Scared of meeting somebody?”

I refused to answer him directly. “What, I can't visit a friend?”

Zaraki barked with laughter and strode into his bedroom. At the door, he unslung his sword and tossed it in a corner. “Get outta here, and bite the bastard like the fucking snake you are. This ain't a hole fer you to hide.”

xxxxx

I stood outside the door to my villa, key in hand. It would be cowardly to run away, I knew, and it would be really stupid to hide back in my room.

Yet, to face Aizen-sama interacting with Urahara... There were voices behind the door. Furrowing my brows, I pulled in my reiatsu – which meant I was getting drenched – and listened.

“I'm sorry.”

“Maybe it'd be better if you weren't, Jyuu. You're always being sorry. Aren't you over it yet?”

“I don't mean that I... I just wish you'd listen!”

“What else do you have to say that you haven't said, Jyuu?” Kyoraku's tone actually sounded angry; I'd give a lot to be a fly on the wall to see what they were doing. “You're sorry you enacted that law. You're sorry that Aizen and Ichimaru were split up. You're sorry that Kaien was killed. You're sorry for the rain, for the storm, for the sun, for the wind... When are you not sorry, Jyuushiro?”

Ukitake merely sounded weary. “I did what I had to do, Shunsui.”

“Then don't be sorry about it! Don't be sorry for doing what was necessary!”

“Why are you yelling at me?” It was Ukitake's turn to raise his voice. “I am trying to tell you something important-”

“Tell it to Aizen, Jyuu. He'll listen, I'm sure.”

My lips curled. Aizen-sama must have driven yet another wedge between them.

“I love you,” blurted Ukitake.

Silence. Then...

“You don't mean that,” said Kyoraku almost too quietly for me to hear.

Ukitake went on. “I love you, but not the way you want me to. That's why I've rejected your feelings for so long. I know you sleep with me to let me... to help me. I don't need that anymore. I am sorry I gave you hope for so long, but I need you to stop hoping. Stop hoping that we can ever be together, Shunsui, because all you're doing now are the actions of a lover. I can't have that, and you have to stop.”

Deciding that now would be a good time to exit the scene, I flash-stepped to Aizen-sama's villa.

_Did you catch all that?_

_'I wouldn't read too much into it, lover. They could be putting on an act for all we know.'_

_Still, interesting snippet._

_'Get in here and unsettle the blond, will you? He's getting on my nerves.'_

_You're gonna pay for this, you know._ I put on my widest smile and pushed in the door.

 _'I'll pay it gladly.'_ Aizen-sama betrayed his relief only in his eyes. Opposite him, Urahara raised one eyebrow in recognition and challenge.

“Hi there,” I said in my sweetest tone. My fingers waggled in greeting. “How have you been?”

 


	97. 97.

“Maybe this isn't a good idea,” said Aizen-sama.

“Come on,” said Urahara, his hat already tossed onto the tatami. “You afraid of me?”

Aizen-sama shook his head. “I'll sit out on this. I've never managed to understand the game.”

“We need four to play,” Kurosawa said as he set up the table. “Come on. One game.”

I slipped an arm through my captain's. “Don't be modest. I'm sure you can pick it up again really fast.”

“Are you sure you're allowed to be all that cuddly?” asked Urahara. The former captain had a small curl to his upper lip. “I thought there is a statute or something limiting romantic relationships between captains.”

I smiled sweetly – or, as others liked to describe is, creepily – at him. “Aw. Are you gonna tell on us? Report to... I dunno... Yamamoto-san? Soifon-taichou?” Indicating the man on my right, I added, “Kurosawa-san who's in charge of intra-Gotei discipline doesn't seem interested in arresting me though.”

The blond man returned the smile, but I could tell I had irritated him. He was good at masking his emotions, sure, but I had been a student of a man who put on identities as easily as he breathed. By now, I had learned to identify the little tells.

The game we set up was mahjong. After a roll of the dice, I ended up in the north, with Aizen-sama as the west seat. Urahara was starting the game and we shuffled the tiles rapidly.

 _Do we cheat?_ I asked Aizen-sama as we arranged our tiles.

He scanned his row and frowned; evidently he didn't like what he saw. _'Not too obviously.'_

 _Just to make sure_ he _doesn't win._

_'All right then.'_

We let the game run for a minute or two, before I started humming. By the second circuit I was _tenpai_ , waiting for my winning tile. I knew that Urahara would take note of my humming for what it meant. As expected he began to play a new set of tiles, throwing out what he knew I did not need.

“ _Ron,_ ” said Kurosawa after Urahara discarded yet another _sansou_. He flipped his tiles open for us to inspect. “2000 points.”

“Damn it,” said Urahara. He paid the amount and shook his head. “I'm less skilled than I remembered.”

“And I was so close to winning,” I complained delicately. “Oh, Urahara-san... you should have given me the East tile! You didn't need it.”

He barely flicked a glance. “I was thinking of winning as a dealer. _Tsumo_ is always possible, you know.”

Aizen-sama smiled serenely as we reshuffled the tiles. He could also read Urahara, far better than I can, and I could sense his approval.

_'Do vary your methods, Gin. He's not a stupid man.'_

_I know. I wanna win the next round._

_'I'll help if I can.'_

I did win the second round through _tsumo_. The fates were on my side. Unpleasant vibes radiated off of Urahara. I was sure he suspected me of cheating, but it wasn't that easy to place a tile where I was certain to get it, not least where Kurosawa and Urahara were playing. Both of them had had years of mahjong before I even got into the game.

Aizen-sama was barely refraining from smirking. On the third round I had to kick him on the shin to get him to be serious. He was playing distractedly; his discarded tiles weren't of any discernible pattern.

“Pon.” Urahara smiled as he picked up my discard. “Just so you know, things are changing in my life.”

“Really? How so?” asked Kurosawa. He took a tile for himself, grimaced, and discarded it.

“I suppose that world peace is out of the question now.” Aizen-sama sighed.

“Such a joker, Sou-chan,” Urahara chuckled. “You weren't this funny when we were together.”

On hearing the term of endearment, I had to force myself to relax. It would not do to be annoyed by such a simple trick.

“Why would he need to be funny when he had you to be entertained by?” I rejoined.

“He's right,” Aizen-sama put in with a small smile. “Your antics were amusing enough for all of the Gotei.”

The blond pest put a hand to his chest. “I'm hurt.”

“Enough of that. What did you want to share with us anyway?”

“Oh!” Urahara beamed. “I started a shop with the blessings of the SWA. Shinigami in the real-world can purchase items from me now.”

I raised an eyebrow. _“Chow._ At a discount?”

“You really don't know me, do you?” said Urahara, his irritating smirk firmly in place.

Kurosawa snorted. “Probably at a two hundred percent markup.”

“I'm not that greedy.”

“He'll mark the prices up eighty percent, and then 'discount' it to a fifty percent markup,” explained Aizen-sama. “ _Ron._ My win.”

“No way.” Kurosawa pulled his pipe out and stared at Aizen-sama's hand. “ _Kokushimusou_?”

“Thirteen Orphans?” Urahara blinked at Aizen-sama's tiles. “What the fuck? You're not that good at mahjong!”

“That was the past.” Aizen-sama smiled beatifically. “I read up. Alright, score me.”

Kurosawa grumbled under his breath but before we could start the next round there was a spate of urgent knocking on the door.

I frowned. “Can't be Jyuushiro-san, he knows he can walk in anytime. And this is Kyoraku-san's villa...”

“Come in!” Aizen-sama called out.

To our collective surprise, Mesuda ran in. “Taichou, I've an urgent message for you from Isane-san and Hisagi-san.”

Aizen-sama frowned and stood up. “Excuse me gentlemen, let me speak with Mesuda in private.”

They stepped out. I shrugged and shuffled the tiles again, arranging them for the next round. However, just as I was preparing my hand, Aizen-sama came in and pulled me out of my seat. “Come with me,” he instructed. “We need to get back to Seireitei now.”

“What?”

He hurried off towards the Basho villa, Mesuda following in his wake. I caught up with him and Mesuda.

“What is it, Aizen-san?”

“You'll hear more as we pass the senkaimon. Right now we need to get Yamamoto-san's permission to return.”

He refused to say more and Mesuda didn't divulge anything other than that it was a serious situation.

xxxxx

“So serious that it requires two captains?” The captain-general appeared dubious.

Aizen-sama inclined his head. “Sir, one of my recruits has been severely injured.”

“And why does Ichimaru-san have to go with you?”

“Ichimaru-san is involved personally with this young man. I think Ichimaru-san should be there with me.”

I interrupted. “Kira is hurt? How badly?”

Mesuda cleared his throat and said in a low voice, “Isane-fukutaichou said he's... he's lucky to be breathing.”

“What happened to him?” I demanded, turning on the hapless lieutenant. “How did he get injured? He's strong enough to defend himself against a hollow.”

“Who's this Kira you're talking about?”

Bowing slightly again, Aizen-sama answered, “He is a new recruit to my division, soutaichou. A very promising young man and I thought he had lieutenant potential.”

The old man frowned. “He's not seated yet, is he?”

“No.”

“But he's good?”

I gritted my teeth, irritated. “He's conscientious, smart, and polite. Why are we discussing his career prospects while he lies in hospital?”

“I think,” Yamamoto agreed without a hint of apology, “that the matter can be debated later. Aizen-san, you can go back. Ichimaru-san, wait for Aizen-san to update you on Kira's progress.”

I was about to retort mutinously when Aizen-sama shook his head in warning. I held my temper in check and followed Aizen-sama out of the villa into the pouring rain.

“Mesuda-san,” he said to his lieutenant, “we'll head back together. Open the gate.”

“All of us? But Yamamoto-soutaichou said-”

“Open the bloody gates now,” I hissed.

My captain placed a hand on my shoulder and calmed my reiatsu down forcefully. “Gin, relax. We'll go back and you can return as soon as you're assured of his condition. With Zaraki-san around Yamamoto-san there's no way to track whether you're here or not.”

xxxxx

When I finally got to see Kira, he was lying in the intensive care ward, swathed in bandages from head to toe. What I could see of his face was bruised and there were many scratches across his forehead and cheeks.

“I want to go in,” I told Isane.

“I'm sorry, but that wouldn't be advisable.” The lieutenant of the fourth was stammering as she listed out the wounds on Kira. “He needs as little contact with stray reiatsu as possible as the mending bones are still fragile.”

“How many bones are broken?” asked Aizen-sama.

“The more... appropriate question is h-how many bones weren't, Aizen-taichou.” Isane was pale. She was probably reacting to my rising reiatsu pressure; I tamped it down. She had a lot more to say and my reaction would not help her elaborate clearly.

She took a deep breath and went on. “His arms and legs have been broken in multiple places, though fortunately the joints aren't so damaged they can't be healed. He might have some mobility problems with his right leg. His forearms, however, are wrecked. My belief is that he tried to defend himself. Thankfully most of the bone fractures are already healed except for the injuries to his skull. The most serious injury is to the left orbital floor. I fear there might be adverse effects to the optic nerve when we heal the fracture.”

“Do you mean he would be blinded in the left eye?” I demanded.

“N-no sir! It's just that... the possibility is that the vision in his left eye will be permanently blurred.” She glanced at her hands, which were wringing together. Evidently she thought she'd be dealing only with Aizen-sama.

My voice was low but the tension in it was very obvious. “There's something else you're not telling us.”

She nibbled her lower lip and her eyes shifted warily. “Aizen-taichou, Ichimaru-taichou, I've seen and dealt with some really bad injuries, but those are usually battle wounds. Kira-san's injuries were from an unusually malicious assault.”

“Meaning?”

“It seems as though the attacker wanted to break every bone in his body but his spine, Aizen-taichou.” Isane didn't dare meet our stony gazes. “I think... I think that if they _had_ broken his spine it would have been kinder, because than he would not feel the breaks.”

I turned away and slammed a fist into a wall. “Tell me you have traces of the attacker.”

“We're analyzing what we managed to pull from his injuries, Ichimaru-taichou.”

Aizen-sama patted my shoulder. “Let me deal with the rest, Gin. Go back. He's in the care of the fourth division now.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” I snapped.

“Gin, you can't do him any good staying here-”

“It's easy for you to say, it's not your boy in there!” I shouted. The fourth division lieutenant timidly raised a hand to ask for silence but I ignored her. “That's _my_ Izuru inside, that's _my_ Izuru lying wounded from some vicious and cowardly attack!”

“Ichimaru-taichou, please, calm yourself-” Isane pleaded.

“If he wasn't ambushed, then he must have been attacked by a gang. Kira Izuru is an adept at kido, he would've defended himself if he could!” I paced the width of the corridor. “Someone targeted him. Someone wanted him to _suffer_.”

Suddenly I paused. A horrible thought made itself known to me. I swiveled back to pin Isane with a query. “There are more wounds, aren't there?”

Isane gulped. “He has really too many... I don't think there's a need t-to list...”

That confirmed it.

“He was raped, wasn't he?” I stated quietly. “He lost a lot of blood, didn't he? He was assaulted and raped. Someone – or some ones – violated and defiled my boy.”

Aizen-sama gripped my arm now before I could shove my way into the intensive care unit. “Go back to your house, Gin.”

“Back off.”

“Gin.” His commanding tone halted the fury that threatened to spill from my control. His eyes were calm but I could sense his mood. It was nowhere near the storm of rage I held barely in check, but he was not happy about this attack. “Go home. I will meet you there.”

I glared defiantly at him. “Somebody will pay for this.”

Aizen-sama's tone did not waver in its intensity. “And he, or they, will. And now I need you to go home, calm down, and then when we meet I will let you know how we can find the culprits together.”

As much as I wanted to stay, I could not disobey Aizen-sama when he used that tone with me. I let out a shaky breath. “Promise?”

“I promise. Now go home.” He turned me in the direction of the door and gave me a soft push.

I went home.

 


	98. 98.

I didn't really know how I managed to reach my house, but eventually I found myself at the foot of my bed. It was neatly made, the way I left it. It was dust-free, though; I knew immediately that Kira had been there daily, probably practicing the meditation techniques that I taught him.

 _Oh, Izuru, darling Kira, you silly fool..._ I lowered myself to a sitting position and covered my eyes. _Why are you such an obedient boy?_

There was no reason to suspect that the attack on Kira was meant as a warning to me. Given my position today, no one would dare touch me – other than Aizen-sama, of course, but he had promised not to harm Kira and he wouldn't break that promise.

I thought about the frail creature in the intensive care ward. Though I hadn't been able to enter the room then, I could still see the bandages that wrapped around his arms and the dark bruises that marred his fair face. My beautiful boy ravaged by some faceless bastards... They dared lay their filthy paws on what I had claimed as _mine._ My fingers flexed and Shinsou hissed with recognition. I sought my blade and laid it across my lap, needing the reassurance of my zanpakuto even as I needed to visualize sweet vengeance.

Bitter rage tasted acidic in my mouth as I contemplated the things I would do to the culprit. Skinning him or them would be a good start; boiling pitch was a seductive option. Feeding them their own intestines. Pulling out their nails and sinking the wounds in seawater. Burying them alive and pouring in ants. Scorpions. Injecting them with some sort of flesh-eating bacteria.

Shinsou suddenly chimed in. _:There's nothing you can do to remedy the situation.:_

_Why do you say that?_

_:He's already hurt. From your reaction, I guess he might even pass away.:_ The lack of empathy in Shinsou's tone riled me but he ignored my emotions. _:Why bother?:_

The futility of my vindictive thoughts wasn't lost on me. Yet, to just sit here without inflicting some hurt on the deserving rankled. I had to wait until Aizen-sama come to me. I had to be patient.

The chill of the room settled around me. Had it always been this cold? There was usually another person in my room with me so I never felt cold for long. How many had I taken to my bed anyway? After I became Aizen-sama's bed partner, there had been quite a number of flings on the side, but not many that I took with any seriousness. Karl, of course, dear Karl, who believed in a better Gin than the one that existed; the younger, more trusting Hisagi Shuuhei, who was fun and adventurous in ways he had forgotten now that he was a shinigami; sultry Fuyuki, whom I killed because my captain had grown jealous of him.

And Kira Izuru, innocent, obedient, and just ever so slightly twisted within. Deliciously full of guilt and regret that drove him to be the best at anything he did, Izuru was a hard bitter core wrapped in a soft fluffy casing. I smiled tenderly as I remembered how he had watched me until I noticed him. He had been afraid, of course. Who wouldn't be? He knew that I belonged to Aizen-sama. But he still offered himself.

 _So very beautiful when he loses his inhibitions..._ A surge of sweet agony flooded my body when I recalled having him vulnerable and exposed in my lap in the forest, moonlight dappled across his naturally pale skin as he climaxed in my hands. I was sure he had intended to seduce me even then, though the situation got out of his control. And the time he jumped me in the greenhouse storage hut, allowing me free rein over his pliant and willing body as he drank me in. The gentle and unshakeable faith he had even when he knew I loved Aizen-sama was evident in the way he trusted me with his entire being.

A slight scrape at the door indicated that Aizen-sama had arrived with news. I prevented myself from jumping to my feet and instead waited until he came to me.

 _Let's cut to the chase._ “Who am I to kill?” I asked.

“No one,” he said. He plucked Shinsou out of my hands; I didn't realize how tightly I had been gripping my sword until he pried my fingers off.

I met his calm gaze. “I want to kill someone. Someone owes me pain. Lots of pain.”

“I have not found the culprit at the moment,” he said as he began removing his captain's coat, “and if you start randomly killing people you'll be stripped of your captaincy before you can say 'over-protective'. I'll brief you once I've located the perpetrator.”

“I'm supposed to just stand around and wait?”

He flashed me a charismatic smile. “You can sit and wait.”

That did it. I got to my feet, yanked him closer to me by his lapels “Not funny,” I snarled.

To my surprise he kissed me on the brow and hugged me. I let him warm me up before pushing him away; the anger was still there and I wasn't ready to forgive or forget.

He allowed me to sit down before he said, “Do you know how often such things happen?” referring to Kira's plight.

“No,” I snapped.

“Every time some brat who becomes too good at something, or is deemed a favorite, or becomes some important person's pet,” elaborated Aizen-san. sat leaning against the wall. "Hisagi told me about losing books back at school, but he was smarter. He made lots of friends first and his first two failed entrance exams actually helped him seem less of a threat, until his appointment was confirmed and he was immediately seated. You had bullies targeting you and Matsumoto. You came to me and used me as your shield to get rid of them.”

At that reminder I lowered my head and stared at my hands. That had been my initial purpose. How long had it been since? My hands were long since stained with blood far beyond that of the bullies I had set out to remove.

He continued to speak, not heeding my introspection. “Do you realize there was never an inquiry about their deaths? But Kira was too outstanding. You tried, I know. You kept him from going into the top class at first. However, you made a mistake."

“What did I do wrong?” I asked. It was a question I used to ask after missions, and that was when he would teach me.

"Usually there's a protector, that's a known fact,” he explained. “Sometimes there are more, like friends, or family, and when there are a lot of people watching then it's safe to make known the protectors' identities. But single protectors don't make themselves obvious to others. I didn't advertise us until you had graduated and become a full officer."

“You made me marry Matsumoto and betray her,” I corrected harshly. “She was my closest friend; I wouldn't have called that _advertising_.”

He shrugged. “Flaunting then. You allowed your decision to be swayed. It was then obvious to his enemies that you were his protector. That means they can act – have acted – once you weren't around.”

The fact that the reasons were not that complex was subsumed by growing horror that he had been watching this unfold. I thought I knew him; I forgot how sadistic he was. He would watch a person drown to death before his eyes, point out how the water currents affected the flow of air bubbles, and then rhapsodize about the panic the man must have felt.

He was watching me in the same detached way now.

I asked in a kind of daze, “You saw me making those mistakes. Why didn't you stop me?”

“How else could you learn?” he replied, genuinely perplexed by my question.

He was insane. He had to be, or else I was the mad one. How else to explain his reasoning? How else to understand my desire and love for him? Confusion, helplessness and rage battled for primacy within and I let go my control. Reiatsu smashed into him and he closed his eyes, savoring the waves of reiatsu that had swept my belongings to the floor. That calmness of his...

A familiar crimson mist descended over my mind . Before I knew I had grabbed Shinsou and released shikai, the tip smashed into the wall and the blade having nicked the side of his neck.

I knew I was smiling. I had no other way to express the emotions inside now. His lashes fluttered and I was looking into the warmest, most soothing chocolate gaze in the world.

My rage dissipated, leaving only lonely swirls of confusion. I whispered, “Why do you always do this? Why do you love hurting me?”

“I don't really know.” He pushed away from Shinsou's edge and got to his feet. “Maybe it's the only way I know how to show I care.”

“We are beyond that, Aizen-sama,” I said.

“Are we?”

He sat behind me and took Shinsou away. Mutely I told Shinsou to return to its unreleased form, allowing Aizen-sama to tuck me into his embrace. His scent eased the wild tumult of emotions within and I breathed him in.

“Why do you let such things happen?” I asked. “Why did you let such horrible things happen to my Izuru?”

"I don't control everything, Gin.” His tone was tender, as if he was counseling a victim. I knew he wasn't all-powerful – yet – but I wished he was. Maybe turn back time or something. “I didn't expect it to happen, but looking back I see why it did, and why now. He'll be tougher for it too. You went through worse, Gin, and see where you are now."

I remembered. “I went through worse in _your_ hands. He didn't, not at mine. He'll be damaged.”

That was it, that was the truth. If Kira was broken by this experience, it wasn't because of me, and I resented that. Aizen-sama's smile became just that hint more knowing.

“Give him a little more credit, alright?” he assured and kissed me on the lips. “He might surprise you.”

Aizen-sama was seldom wrong. I had to believe him. “Hopefully.”

After a few minutes of his embrace, he patted my ass and said, “You need to get some clothes packed and set instructions for Utagawa. I've arranged for Isane to prepare a second bed for you in the ward, right next to Kira.”

Now that I knew what to do, I could be at ease. Tension drained out of my shoulders and I smiled at him. “You think of everything.”

He played with my fringe and and chuckled, “Nowhere near enough. You keep a lid on that temper of yours. I'll hunt the cowards down.”

I retrieved his captain's coat and helped him into it. “And what will you do with them?”

“Hand them to Unohana, of course.”

“What? Aren't you going to deal with them?”

“They used shinten to commit a heinous crime,” said Aizen-sama. His smile was suitably anticipatory. “Unohana will be the best person to deal with them.”

xxxxx

Isane had obeyed Aizen-sama in placing another bed in the ward, but was adamant that no stray reiatsu of mine would disturb Kira. “I really must insist, Ichimaru-taichou. Otherwise I cannot allow you into the ward.”

“Fine.” I held out both wrists to her. She quickly tied reiatsu-limiting cords around each, and then nodded at her subordinates to open the door. I strode in and dropped my bag on the floor, standing at the entrance until all three Fourth Division shinigami left. Then I went to Kira's side and touched the fingers of his left hand. They were cold as ice. I dragged a chair over and planted myself right next to him.

Close to he looked much worse. His face was exposed, and ugly purple-yellow bruises spread across the entire left side of his face, with bloodied scrapes scarring his left cheek. That was probably where the bastards had shoved him into the ground. His winter-blond hair had been swept back from his face. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth while a tube had been inserted into his throat. Only the slow rise and fall of his chest and the steady beep of the machines indicated that he was alive.

I could feel tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. My beautiful boy, reduced to fighting for his survival.

Walking to his side, I hunkered down and dusted my fingers over the shell of his ear. I had heard before that the longer someone remained in a coma the worse the effects on their brain functions. I moved closer and kissed his ear, murmuring, “It's me. I'm here. Wake up.”

There was no response.

 _Who am I kidding?_ I sighed and went to the bed. Though I was dead tired, I could not sleep. Staring at Kira, I wondered how this skinny young blond managed to capture my affections when all I originally wanted was to play with a new toy. Much as I hated to admit it – and I would never admit it to either him or Aizen-sama – I was starting to love my determined little blond.

“Don't let me down now, Izuru darling,” I said quietly.

xxxxx

I sat up with a jerk. I had fallen asleep in the chair, my hand covering Kira's. Someone had just placed a blanket over me. The person had walked over to the other side of the bed and was looking over Kira.

“It's good to see you here, Ichimaru-taichou,” said Unohana Retsu quietly. “I'm just checking in; do sleep in the bed.”

Tucking the blanket around my shoulders I made my way to the other bed. “I thought you're at the retreat, Unohana-san.”

“Isane was concerned and sent me a butterfly.” The other captain brushed her surgeon's fingers over Kira's face, a faint orange glow bathing over his wounds. “I came to see if her concerns were unfounded.”

“Will he be all right?”

“The wounds were stabilized in time,” Unohana said. “I believe the physical injuries will not pose any problems, other than the odd twinge in cold weather. He will recover, Ichimaru-taichou, and your presence here will encourage him.”

I observed silently as she examined her patient. Her cool and calm manner did reassure me quite a bit, except the fact that she was actually here was rather worrisome. But if she said Kira would be fine, then he would be fine.

“On another note, Ichimaru-taichou, there is something I'd like to discuss with you right now.”

With a frown I invited her to sit with me on the guest bed. She declined with a shake of her head, but instead took the chair I had placed beside Kira and flicked on a wall lamp.

I tilted my head and watched her warily. Without Aizen-sama around, I wasn't sure how to handle an interview with this solemn woman, and the reiatsu limiters canceled out the effect of our soul rings so I could not ask his guidance.

With the air of someone broaching an uncomfortable topic, Unohana coughed delicately. “I understand from Aizen-taichou that you and Kira-san are intimates.”

“Yes.” I could feel a flush starting to creep up my face. “We've not been long together though.”

“You will have to be very careful then, Ichimaru-taichou, of how you treat him. He will suffer residual psychological trauma from this incident.” The woman breathed out slowly. “I would recommend that he goes through the counseling sessions here once he wakes up.”

“It depends on whether he wants them.”

“He might insist that he is fine. Denial, guilt... anything might cause him to forcibly disassociate himself with the mentality that he had been a victim.”

I shook my head. “I will not force him, Unohana-san. Kira will be in my care, and I will make sure he's as good as before.”

The healer gazed at me for a long while, her dark eyes inscrutable. Finally she stood up and bowed. “I will return to the retreat. However, Ichimaru-taichou, do be prepared.”

I waited. Then I narrowed my eyes further. “Prepared for what?”

“That he cannot be as he was before.”

 


	99. 99.

_Kira's awake,_ I thought to Aizen-sama as soon as I could. I had been asleep when I felt his hand move in mind, and when I saw his bright blue eyes peering out tired from behind lowered lashes I had jumped in joy. Isane got my call and came in, but when we asked Kira if he wanted anything he merely shook his head.

Aizen-sama was occupied with some administrative matters but he gave me his full attention quickly. _'How is he?'_

 _He's not talking to anyone, not even me. His eyes are opened and he signaled for water to drink, but that's all. I think I'll need to get him someplace alone where we won't be disturbed before he will open up to me._ I didn't want to sound sulky or anything, but I had wished he had shown some happiness on seeing me there with him.

_'I doubt he'll be discharged until Unohana returns...'_

I scowled darkly. Inside, Isane and her assistant were taking temperature and other assorted readings they needed from Kira. _Yes, and that's two days from now. I worry he'll stay stuck like this, Aizen-sama, and that's not fun at all._

Aizen-sama quickly rattled off orders to Mesuda. I waited for him, all the while peering in at Kira who was being prodded at and examined by Isane and her assistant. The young blond seemed disengaged, like he was a marionette whose manipulator was absent. I rubbed my lower lip absently.

 _'Well, would you want to stay there at the hospital for now or would you want to come to my house for a short break?'_ Aizen-sama asked after he had dismissed Mesuda. _'Kira will need to be examined and I'm sure you can't be there throughout the process'_

 _I don't know, Aizen-sama...'_ That was true, but I didn't want to leave Kira. Still, I would appreciate the break, and some time to cuddle up to Aizen-sama. _I'll see you at your rooms in five minutes._

He sounded pleased with my decision. ' _See you there, Gin.'_

xxxxx

When I said rooms, I meant the bedroom and I knew he knew it. When I went in my attention was instantly caught by a strong burst of color. I trailed my hands over the new fabric he had draped over the privacy screen. It was fine silk, a deep, rich blue, but it wasn't a color he could wear well. It had yet to be tailored so perhaps it wasn't meant to become a robe. It sang a sweet lullaby over my skin. I smiled at the sheer luxury of the texture.

“Like it?”

“Love it,” I answered, not turning around. Carefully I lifted it from the screen and wrapped it about myself, a glorious shroud. “For me?”

Aizen-sama slid the bedroom door shut. “In a manner of speaking. Do be careful with that; I had to bribe quite a number of people to get a bale of it.”

I sighed and replaced it on the screen. “In a manner of speaking?”

“I took it out of storage – you can give it to your boy as a get well gift.” He smiled and ran his fingers through my hair. “It reminded me of his eyes; I thought you would enjoy it.”

I turned and hugged him. “I do. Thank you, Aizen-sama, it is lovely.”

When he cupped my cheeks and tilted my face up to face him, I thought he would kiss me. Instead he stared at me for a long moment. “Gin, are you all right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you love him?”

The question came out of nowhere and my breath hitched. He wouldn't, he wouldn't hurt Kira, would he? I couldn't lie to him, but Kira... Kira Izuru was mine. Kira was _mine._

Aiizen-sama's smile gentled. “Do you love him, Gin?”

“I-” I knew that if I lied, he would still be able to tell, but the words stuck in my throat. But Aizen-sama promised. “I... I'm starting to. I didn't meant to, but-”

“Hush, shush. It's all right, lover, relax,” he said, tucking me against himself. I was rigid with apprehension. What was Aizen-sama going to do to Kira? His voice was very soothing as he murmured, “I've not seen you this concerned about anyone after Karl. I'm glad.”

“R-really?” I did not dare to relax yet.

Aizen-sama must have felt my fear. He pressed kisses into my temple and soothed me down my back. “Gin, dearest, it really is all right. I promised you Kira Izuru, didn't I?”

“... you did.”

“But you must remember,” he continued in that same gentle tone, “that when we leave, he stays here.”

I stiffened again. “Why? If he is loyal to me why can't he come?”

Releasing me, Aizen-sama headed to his coat stand and hung up his haori. His lovely eyes were obscured by his glasses. Silence hung heavy between us until he removed his glasses and gazed at me.

“Because I will be a jealous god, and will suffer no others.” He was quiet and somber. “I will be the only one in your eyes then, Gin, and there cannot be anyone else.”

“I understand,” I whispered. My heart filled with unexpected elation. Aizen-sama had never professed his possessiveness before; I took it as a sign of his love.

He didn't elaborate further but divested himself of his kimono top and sat down on his futon. His beautiful eyes were revealed as he set aside his glasses. “Lie down and I'll give you a back rub. You must have missed out on your sleep the past few nights.”

Carefully shrugging out of my own clothes, I prostrated myself before him, back exposed. It sometimes unnerved me when I did this. He had deliberately tortured me before and seared my back into raw meat. My body remembered, even if I didn't want to, and whenever I exposed myself this way to him I would feel the first stirring of fear and panic.

Wetness dotted my shoulders and I soon allowed tension to ebb from my muscles when his hands started pushing the oil into my skin. The oil soon warmed up with our body heat; a faint hint of cypress and rosemary. I closed my eyes and breathed evenly. The stress of the past couple of days was leaving me. His knuckles pressed into the hollows next to the spine, kneading out knots and tension. I groaned while clever fingers spread over the small of my back, easing muscles long tensed up with bad posture, and then his hands were firmly rubbing in circular motions up towards my neck.

“Your hands are magic,” I murmured, and then peered sleepily up at him.

He gazed down with fondness. “My boy,” he said softly, and then brushed my hair from my eyes to regard me clearly. “My clever boy.”

“Not a boy any more,” I countered.

“No, not any more.” His answering smile was a hint pensive. I levered myself up on my elbows and crawled into his lap, laying my head in the cradle of his legs. He stroked my hair, heedless of the effect of the massaging oil on the strands. “You've grown up different from what I expected.”

I smiled into his hakama. “What did you expect me to be?”

“A sword: an emotionless, obedient sword,” he replied. “Maybe a bed partner. Definitely a lieutenant.”

“And now?”

“And now?” he echoed, his hand stilling. I shifted to study his expression. He was not looking at me, his sincere gaze unfocused and dreamy. “Now, I have changed. I didn't know I could be changed, but you proved me wrong.”

“I proved you wrong?”

“You are the reason for my actions, Gin. In the past I did what I thought I should; now, I do what I know I must. And I must ensure a place for both you and I.”

My brow furrowed very slightly. What was wrong with Aizen-sama today? He was practically _declaring_ his love for me and that wasn't his style. But when he looked at me directly, a small triumphant smile on his face, I understood and pushed up into a sitting pose.

“You've found it,” I said. “You have. You know.”

“Yes. But I cannot get at it yet. It is secure and well-protected.”

“But...”

“I need the reiatsu level of at least two captains before it can be activated. As yet I have not that power.”

I felt a deep thrill inside and impulsively pulled him into a kiss. Finally, after so long, we had a direction! His mood could be understood then – he knew the risks we would take now that we were accelerating our preparations. However, even Aizen-sama could not hold out long when he had an armful of me, so when his hands slipped to my belt I was more than eager to assist him with removing the remainder of my attire and his.

We moved slickly together, his hands skating over my skin and then clutching me to him. There were no more words to be said: heat, scent, sound and feel occupied every bit of my mind. His muscles bunched and flexed as my fingers scratched down his shoulders. To have such power in my arms was an aphrodisiac unmatched by any other; Aizen-sama filled me, could always fill the empty spaces in me that I didn't even know existed. His rough murmur scraped up my neck and I tightened my thighs about his waist, locking my ankles to grant us better leverage. His heat enveloped – suffused – dominated me and I arched for completion, voicelessly seeking out his ambrosia. He granted it to me and we melded together in a thick frenzy of passion, locked completely, mind and body, into an embrace.

“Aizen-sama...” I sighed, his name a benediction and a prayer. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know.” Aizen-sama brushed his mouth over mine. “I've always known.”

The soothing effect of our lovemaking settled into my bones and I stretched lazily, feeling the joints in my back pop. I crinkled my nose and smiled. “I should get back to Kira.”

“He will need some cozening, lover.”

“I know,” I said, nuzzling Aizen-sama's cheek. “You should give Hisagi some loving care too. He's been not showing his face at the ward; methinks he's guilty or something.”

My captain chuckled but said nothing. We held each other loosely until we heard the chime of the hours. Then we untangled our limbs and pulled on our clothes.

“I think,” I enunciated slowly, “that we had better keep a closer eye on Urahara's activities, if you haven't placed anyone on watch yet.”

Aizen-sama shrugged. “I did ask Stark to keep watch, since he's least likely to be caught, but you and I both know what he's like. And what he likes.”

“Naptime,” we chorused together and I laughed softly. I then rubbed the back of my neck. “I can drop in now and then, don't you think?”

“Not safe for you, Gin.”

“Then Ulquiorra?” We were heading to the front entryway now.

“He's house-sitting for us.” Las Noches was in tip-top shape thanks to the supremely vigilant Ulquiorra Schiffer; I half-suspected he was obsessed about Aizen-sama. “I could pull him off that and put him on Urahara detail.”

I pulled on my socks and sandals. “I'll keep watch on what's going on here. I heard you have the perps?”

“Yes, I do.” Before I could ask to disembowel them, he held up a hand. “They have to be alive for questioning by Unohana-taichou, you know.”

“What if she shows mercy?” I snapped.

“Then bring in your trump card,” suggested Aizen-sama. His smile was so honest and charming that I could hardly believe he was the same man plotting the overthrow of the King. “Kira Izuru will need to show his potential for him to become your lieutenant, Gin darling. Think on it.”

xxxxx

As I headed to Kira's ward, I realized what Aizen-sama meant. A slow smile crept onto my face and I began to relish having those morons on trial.

_Izuru, darling, you are gonna be unleashed – let's see if I can bring out that beast in ya._

 


	100. 100.

****I slipped into the hospital with nary a glance from the shinigami on duty nor from the nurses. They were busy – unlike other divisions, those in the Fourth worked four eight-hour shifts, with overlapping hours at the beginning and end of each shift, and the higher seats were always on call in cases of emergency.

It was easy to get into the private wing, since my rank barred me from only the operating theaters and the supplies stores, but technically I should have had my presence logged. A scrawny, tired-looking shinigami exited from Kira's ward, holding an empty tray. I considered ducking behind the pillar but decided that I had nothing to hide; all of the Fourth knew I was Kira's lover anyway. The shinigami saw me and jerked to attention. I tried to recall his name but it escaped me. It was Yama something. Then he hurried to me.

“Ichimaru-taichou,” said the shinigami with a polite nod and a slight stutter of nervousness.

“He's eaten?”

“Yes, Ichimaru-taichou.” The shinigami – now I remembered, his name was Yamada – swallowed and continued haltingly, “Kira-san has indicated that he doesn't want to see any visitors.”

“Well, I didn't register myself as a visitor, so I guess that's not a problem then,” I drawled.

Yamada bit his lower lip. He could report me to his superior officer, who would be Isane, but what could Isane do to me? He nodded again and bustled off.

Entering the room I could see Kira sitting up, his eyes closed, leaning against the headboard of his bed. His pale complexion further emphasized the toll the attack had taken on him – dark circles now shadowed his eyes and there was an unhealthy pallor to his features. Thin lips were almost white, and his fingers picked restlessly at the hem of his blanket.

He heard me and opened his eyes. The startling blue gaze was the same, if less warm than before, but he didn't seem surprised that I managed to come in.

“I've missed you,” I said softly, kissing his cool brow. It was like kissing a marble statue. “How are you feeling now? Yamada tells me you've eaten already.”

“I'm better.”

 _That was curt._ I sat at the foot of the bed. “That's good. I haven't been able to rest well since I got back, so maybe tonight I can get some sleep, knowing that you're better.”

The glint of challenge in Kira's eyes was something new. He sniffed once and said, “You've already rested. I can smell him on you.” Turning away from me, Kira closed his eyes.

That dismissal of my concern angered me but I reined in my temper. He was not himself yet; this was a shell. I put my hand on his foot to get his attention.

“It's good to know your reiatsu-scenting abilities haven't been injured, Kira,” I commented lightly.

He smiled at me, a cold and distant smile that was, for an instant, scary. “It's good to know your libido hasn't declined even while I lay unconscious and dying.”

There was concern and there was outrage. I grabbed his neck and shoved him down against his pillows, but mindful of keeping my weight from bearing down on this ungrateful little blond.

“I have been here,” I whispered, “practically about to commit murder in order to hunt down the bastards who dared touch you. I have been here the second I could leave that captain's retreat where I was having the immense pleasure of seeing someone I loathe in a very uncomfortable situation. I have been here, by your side, worrying myself sick.”

I leaned in a little closer, my nose almost touching his. He was holding his breath, his eyes beautifully wide and fearful. This boy dared think that I was really toying with him? When I was ready to fight Aizen-sama himself to ensure his safety? Keeping my voice steady, I enunciated with deathly intensity, “Don't you dare imply that I don't feel anything for you. Don't you _ever_ dare.”

Blue sapphires stared up at me, uncomprehending and confused, set in a face of flat white alabaster. It pained me to see his reduced thus, and not for the first time since the incident I wished to have my Shinsou skewering the culprits.

The hollow terror was becoming stronger in Kira's eyes. I wanted to see him flushed and aroused and begging again, to be alive and furious with need, to command my desire with his submission and his passion. Not this dead, empty shell that now enveloped my Kira.

I kissed him, merely touching his lips until he started to breathe again, and then pressing into him. My tongue found its way into his mouth and raked in a taste that I had missed for some time, and I could feel my own passion rise.

He was speaking, my Kira was saying something. I paused and heard him plead, “Stop, please, please stop. I don't – I don't want-”

I snapped back, jerked my hands away from him. He had just been brutally assaulted and here I was trying to force myself on him. I wasn't a good man, but I wasn't about to descend to that level on a young shinigami that I was fond of. Tidying myself, I told him the latest news regarding his attackers and Aizen-sama's decision to let Unohana run the show.

Unsure of my continued control, I removed myself from the bed and took the chair I used the past few nights. “Do you remember anything about the assault?”

Kira pushed himself up from the bed and shifted to look out the window. “Do I have to do this now?”

“I want to know what you remember.”

“I'll have to repeat this in court,” he said in a calm manner. I shook my head slightly. My boy was a bad liar. Kira steadfastly regarded the blank blue of the sky outside. “I'd rather not have to relive the incident.”

I knew that if he kept bottling up those feelings, he would never recover the way I wanted him to. Making a quick decision, I scanned the area for eavesdroppers and found none.

“Do you know,” I began, “once I had someone injure me so badly, I actually recalled my death trauma? I died, in a terrible way. My mother sold me for a bag of drugs, and she sold me to some psychopaths who took pleasure – genuine pleasure – in torturing a kid. But the worst part of the whole thing wasn't the physical pain. Wanna guess what it was?”

He was as responsive as a rock.

I stood up and slowly began walking towards the bed again. “I thought I did something so wrong to my mama that I deserved it. The physical pain wasn't what truly hurt. The worst part – you mightn't believe me, but it's true – the worst part was thinking that I was all alone, and that I deserved to be alone.”

That struck a chord; Kira shifted, almost imperceptibly, and I settled on the bed behind his thin frame. Now was the hardest part, and though I knew Aizen-sama had heard of it before he hadn't understood. But Kira would.

“I had been raped and tortured to death,” I confided, “and all my mind focused on was my own helplessness. I was angry that I couldn't save myself, lonely because no one came for me, and terrified knowing I was about to die."

Kira was breathing a litte heavily now. He had felt all that, and he was trying to be fucking brave about it. If I ever found the person who started the whole stupid shit about being 'brave' in the face of tragedy and 'sucking it up', I would skin and fry that person's guts. Sometimes you had to be vulnerable and strong enough to cry.

“If anyone told you they know what you went through and how you felt, they may be lying,” I said very tenderly, “but trust me when I say I do know how you felt, and how you feel now.”

I slid my arms around Kira's shoulders and tugged him closer to myself, willing him to feel the truth of my words. I was good at them, and often twisted their true meanings, but I was genuine and sincere now.

“So Izuru darling, don't lock me out,” I murmured. “You need me to be here with you, and I need you to want me still. Trust me. Love me, and know that I am here for you, always.”

A lie so monumental I should have been fried on the spot, but if I could I would. Here, for the very first time, was someone who looked up to me and worshiped me, someone that adored me as an ideal. Here was someone who was mine.

He started shaking and then the cleansing tears came hard and fast. I cuddled him until he had cried himself to sleep, tucked him in and left.

“Ichimaru-taichou, you aren't staying tonight?” asked the shinigami on night duty.

I shook my head. “It's been three nights since I slept in an actual bed; Kira is safe here, and I ought to take care of myself before I fall sick too.”

“Good evening then, Ichimaru-taichou.”

xxxxx

Instead of heading to my quarters, I went to a special place. If my memory served – and I knew it did – tonight was a special night. There was a mild bite to the night air and I savored it, enjoying the chill on my already cool skin, relishing the pale shadows cast by thin clouds over the moon above.

And then I waited, my reiatsu dampened and the mental link locked against intrusion.

As I counted slowly to a hundred, I heard the sounds I had been waiting for.

Before I could reach number ninety-seven, a figure emerged from behind the corner and slammed me against the wall by my throat. The hold was exactly as I had held Kira earlier – not surprising, considering who I learned that grip from.

“You found me,” I said with a cheeky smile.

Aizen-sama grinned down at me and said, “Hide and seek.” He leaned in and sniffed. “Antiseptic.”

“I just came from the hospital,” I murmured. “I decided Kira needs one night alone.”

“Why are you waiting here?” he asked, his hand now sliding down from my throat towards my heart.

“To get turned on,” I replied and sighed luxuriously as his hand shifted to my abdomen, his heat seeping into me.

Aizen-sama pressed lightly against me before stepping away. “What am I, a sex toy? That's rather insulting of you.”

“It's a special day.” I flicked the tip of my tongue over my upper lip. “I thought you might want to celebrate. But is Hisagi around?”

“He's out for a field competency test, apparently. Tousen neglected to tell me that he had posted that boy out for a month – starting from yesterday.”

“Aw.”

“But maybe you might want to comfort me?” he asked, taking a step closer and another until his body was against mine. “And what's so special about today, hmm?”

I waited until he had pinned my arms. “Don't pretend you don't know...”

“Pretend I don't.”

“A hundred years ago, I came here to seduce you,” I stated, my whisper ghosting over his full lips. “And I remember getting seduced instead.”

Aizen-sama smiled and brushed his mouth over my cheeks. “Mmm. Apple blossoms.”

“Forced segue...”

“I remember being fascinated by a slip of a silver-haired fox daring to challenge me.” He linked his fingers with mine and tugged me into his arms. “And right now I wonder how far you dare challenge me.”

I nuzzled his jawline. “Let me show you.”

“Where do you want to show me?”

“Let's go home,” I murmured. “It's been so long since we were home.”

xxxxx

The sheets were still deep red, and I was pleased that they were pristine and dust-free. Aizen-sama did know how to train his people. I pulled him in for a kiss and our tongues danced and melted together with a fierce hunger, as if we hadn't touched each other for years.

Dragging him to the bed, I wondered if I ought to play the tempter tonight or go to the point. It was always a fun dilemma: to draw out the tease meant his mood would be more playful and the lovemaking more tender; to be straightforward would mean much more time with him buried in me and claiming ever damn inch of my body.

Decisions, decisions.

_Ah fuck it._

I shoved him onto the bed and proceeded to strip him of all his clothes. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing, a small smile curling his perfect mouth. I shrugged out of my own garments, leaving them in a messy pool of fabric on the side of the bed, and straddled his legs, my knees and shins on the mattress, feet tucked against his knees.

“Is anyone watching?” I asked.

Aizen-sama smirked. “Not in here, not if they want to exist.” His hands wandered slowly along my thighs and his gaze turned curious. “What's your plan now?”

I shrugged, before I leaned down and captured his mouth in a kiss. He pretended disinterest for a moment before his hands reached up and held my face tenderly, his tongue seeking permission into my mouth and gaining it. He tasted of plums; I supposed that he had been snacking before I nabbed him.

When we separated, I smiled down at him and plucked his glasses off his face. “How's your night vision?”

“Pretty fine.”

I licked my lower lip, knowing that he was anticipating my next move, and wanting to make sure he enjoys the entire performance. Rocking gently against him, I began stroking my cock with my fingertips. It was almost ticklish, if delightfully so, and I could feel a frisson of pleasure skittering up my spine.

Aizen-sama inhaled slowly and folded his hands behind his head. His attitude was utterly relaxed, but I could feel his muscles shifting and tensing while I touched myself. The weak light filtering in from the everlasting moon painted my lover's skin a pale golden-beige. I slipped my palms over my inner thighs – cool from exposure – and ran my hands over his chest, letting his heat warm me.

“You are beautiful,” he murmured, eyes hooded. His voice was husky now and I could scent his unique perfume of amber, musk and cinnamon. Aizen-sama moved his hips experimentally and I gasped.

I shifted my hips forward and pushed my cock against his. My right hand caught us together and I licked my left palm, from wrist to fingertip, and then sucked on the digits. The wet hand then joined my right one in sliding along the shafts and I shuddered. His erection was thick and hot; the scent of sex was beginning to pervade the air around us.

Gently rocking my hips over him, I lowered my chest to touch his torso. His breath dusted my eyelashes and I smiled up at him, before I pressed my mouth over his. The kiss was languid and I drank in the taste.

Rich, dark, delicious. Like the finest of chocolates.

_Mmmm. Yummy._

_'Distracted by the thought of food? I'd have thought I'm more delicious than chocolate.'_

_You are,_ I replied, licking under his jawline and tracing his earlobe. _But I can always dream of dessert._

He chuckled, then grunted when I nipped his ear. My hands slowed over our cocks and stopped moving.

“What now?” he asked, a hint of impatience coloring his voice.

I sat up again and stretched, letting my joints pop. “Tired.”

Perhaps irritated by the slow pace I was setting, Aizen-sama pulled his hands from behind his head and grabbed my hips, pulling me forward. I tumbled onto him but braced myself with outstretched hands. He grinned at me triumphantly, flipped us over, and held us together. I hissed at the sensation of his warm hands holding us.

“Too slow,” he said, and began to pump us together. My precum slicked his grip. Occasionally one or the other of our erections would slip free and he would take us together again, his confident, if slippery grip urging passions onwards. With his hot, moist breath by my ear and with the erratic motion of his fist I could feel the tightness in the base of my spine building.

“Aizen-sama,” I whispered, legs spreading further to emphasize my point, “I want you in me.”

He didn't reply. I choked my voice down as I felt my climax approaching. Every move he made now felt ten, hundred times better, but I desperately wanted to come with him buried deep in me.

“Aizen-sama,” I gasped out breathlessly, the name a harsh croak and I tossed my head back, my hips trying not to buck, trying to hold back the ecstasy-

Just when I was about to come, he pressed down a finger and I could feel the rejection of the climax. My hips jerked uselessly, legs flailing in a vain attempt to free myself from his hold, but he was immovable. He tongued wetly at the jugular, probably pushing at the pulse that thundered in my veins.

After a few deep breaths I calmed down slightly and blinked up at his smiling face. It was annoying that he could look this bloody sexy even while mussed up and restricting me from my pleasure, yet I could not stop myself from reaching up to pull his perfect face down for another kiss. As our mouths and tongues melded together, I could feel him lifting me and his fingers probing my entrance gingerly. Since we had just enjoyed each other that afternoon, I was more than prepped for him.

With a hum of pleasure he positioned himself, before sliding in easily. I sighed in complete satisfaction. Raking my nails lightly over his biceps, I purred, “You always fill me in the best way possible.”

“That I do.” As he nuzzled under my chin, I could feel him angling his thrusts to hit my sweet spot. I sucked on his neck, his ear, buried my nose in his sweet hair. We tangled together, slicked by sweat and desire, and I knew I was about to climax soon, since I had been denied earlier. It was delicious torture when he slowed a little, but I had no complaint when the rhythm picked up and he was much more forceful.

The quick pace had me gasping and soon I squeezed my thighs tight, my eyes shut, and I choked out a breathless cry-

Bliss. Sheer bliss, tender heat, satiation... Completion.

He was breathing heavily too by my ear, gentle kisses imprinted on my sensitized skin. I held him close.

Here and now, there was nothing else but us.

No Soul Society, no Hueco Mundo, no human realm, no gods, no kings.

Here and now.

“If this moment could last forever,” he whispered, echoing my thoughts, “I would count myself blessed.”

I swallowed thickly. Tears welled up but I reined them in – there was no call for them, not now, not now.

He pulled back slightly and touched my face. “Gin, do you believe in me?”

“I do,” I said without hesitation. “With all my heart, I do.”

“And if I fail?”

“Then we'll try again.”

“And if I die in the attempt?”

I smiled and shook my head. “Aizen-sama, by the time you die, I would have been dead already.”

“That's right.” Aizen-sama matched my smile. “You are my parastatheis.”

I took his right hand and kissed his knuckles. “Always.”

 


	101. 101.

We returned from Las Noches without raising any alarms. I was supposed to be with Kira at the hearing and it was supposedly one that determined the sentences of the offenders. He had already told me what the bastards did to him and I wanted blood. I desperately wanted Shinsou to be bathed in crimson life.

I knew Kira was planning to challenge Asou, and I knew he would not be able to kill. Not yet. He was a kind boy, despite the circumstances, and he had yet to be pushed past his limits.

I was not a kind man. I had no limits. And Kira was mine.

Hell with the consequences.

xxxxx

“Oops.”

His skin was charred and his eyeballs had burst from the heat. His skull had exploded from the pressure of his brain boiling inside, and the stench of burned meat filled the room. Kira stared shocked at his tormentor's body, and collapsed to his knees. He turned so pale I half-feared he would faint.

With a simple kido spell I killed Asou, right there in court, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. They didn't even bother to slap me with a warning.

Aizen-sama flashed me a small smile before he stepped out, while Unohana told her forensics team to clear up the mess. I took Kira home – my home – and sent secret messages to two other assassins of Aizen-sama's.

They would wait for two years before the murders are carried out.

No one messed with my Kira.

xxxxx

xxxxx

For a month there was nothing major that happened. Life went on. Kira was permanently moved into my quarters 'to recuperate', and if anyone had complaints they kept quiet about them. Utagawa was let go from the third division to become a lecturer in the academy. When the more senior officers from the division heard that Kira was slated to be the next lieutenant, there were murmurs of dissent, but I ignored them all. My Kira was strong enough to be a lieutenant and hold up his own against them if need be. He just had to complete three more tests.

Yet something about Kira worried me. He had recovered physically, but emotionally he was shut off. He worked as much as he could, given his slow recovery, and was diligent about completing his lieutenant assessments and written competency tests. However, when we dined together, he would avert his eyes and only answer my direct questions.

One evening I brought back to my personal study some papers to look through. Kira was already sitting up in bed, preparing to sleep.

“Feeling tired?” I asked solicitously, running a hand along the length of his thighs.

He didn't look up from his book. “Mm-hmm. I'm going to turn in early once I've completed this chapter.”

I kissed the top of his head and stepped out of the bedroom. Just as I had sorted out the fraudulent accounts from the honest reports, I sensed Aizen-sama's presence in my head. Of all places, he had found himself in a brothel.

 _Visiting the ladies?_ Highly amused, I made a sound of disapproval. _Taichou, I thought you had more respect for your station than that._

 _'_ _I am_ _so_ _bored_. _What are you up to now?'_

It seemed that he was being held hostage to a prostitute who assumed that what he wanted was chatter. She would have done better to be quiet and let him analyze her.

_Izuru's just turned in. I'm re-checking the figures for last month's division purchases – someone seems to have bought twenty thousand pairs of socks at one go and charged it to the division._

It wasn't hard to find out who had embezzled. I narrowed my eyes when I realized it was Komatsuzaki that was in charge of replenishing our uniforms. Shinigami got through socks fast – they got through a lot of wear and tear and, unless you were known to be unorthodox like Madarame Ikkaku, you were expected to have perfect socks all the time. It was a stupid rule, but there it was.

But twenty thousand socks? Did they think I was stupid?

 _'You sound like you're having more fun than I am,'_ complained Aizen-sama.

 _Well, I think it's a person I've been itching to take down for some time, so anticipation is sweetening this mind-numbing job._ I circled the offending items in red ink and put them in a separate stack for tomorrow. _How did your budget request go?_

Aizen-sama sounded disgusted. ' _Declined. They claimed that Research needed the funds more to develop better reiatsu limiters for lieutenants and captains.'_

_Probably just wanted to see Kurotsuchi as seldom as possible. I've a meeting scheduled with the bean counters tomorrow myself – guess I gotta put on the intimidation again._

_'I guess that's the drawback to being too nice.'_

I shook my head, amazed that Aizen-sama didn't put on the pressure. He was not underhanded when it came to such matters relating to money, because there was always a paper trail, and I learned how to get my funding through the correct channels with as little problem as possible.

I buried myself in numbers for the next fifteen minutes or so before I realized Aizen-sama was radiating a different mood.

 _Have you escaped the boring bitches?_ I asked, taking off my glasses and stretching. I heard Kira murmuring something in the bedroom and I knew he needed me.

 _'I have,'_ said Aizen-sama. _'Now I'm waiting for a mute young man.'_

 _Corrupting youthful innocence again?_ I tutted again. _And here I thought you had Hisagi Shuuhei to play with._

_I did not corrupt Hisagi Shuuhei. By the way, he has dumped me. And from this one I intend to master a new language._

I frowned. Wasn't the boy mute? _I thought you were fluent in five languages._

_'Body language is one language I have not mastered completely.'_

_Ah. I sense a story there somewhere. Unfortunately I am rather beat and my little blond seems to be rather uneasy in a bed without me. Have fun, my love._

I headed back to my bedroom. As I had expected, Kira was curled up, knees to his chest, and he was rocking himself slowly, soft gulps of air. His hair had grown longer; his fringe partially covered his eyes and I wondered if he was crying.

Without saying anything, I sat next to him and touched his shoulder. He jolted, stiff with rejection, but slowly sank against me and buried his face in my neck. I soothed him down his back, cheek to his temple, pulling him closer to me as he allowed his fear, shame and anger to flow out. Finally he pulled back and looked me in the eye.

“I can't keep doing this,” he whispered. His lips were swollen and so were his eyes. I brushed the wetness from his cheeks and he leaned into the touch. “I can't keep repeating the nightmare, Gin. I can't. How can I function like this?”

“Tell me what you dreamed of earlier then,” I suggested. “Maybe talking it out will help.”

“I-I just... I'm so _sick_ of my weakness,” he said, not really listening to me. “I know that the rest of the division thinks that I'm sleeping my way up, that I can't do this lieutenant job, and they may be right. How can I do all this when I can't – I can't even get over that-”

I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me directly. “Hey. You have been earmarked as my lieutenant the day you admitted you wanted to work for me. I will not have others say that I am playing favorites, so you will show your mettle.” Then I kissed him on the cheeks. “Now tell me what you were dreaming about.”

With his gaze averted, Kira bit his lower lip. I saw blood well up and his tongue darted over the split. “I... I was under – He was on me. He was... I was restrained, and begging for him t-to stop. And I couldn't break free, I could hear him laughing. He was so strong that I-I was completely helpless. He kept-”

He broke off and screwed his eyes shut. I gathered him into my embrace again, feeling how he trembled with the recollection.

“I can't keep doing this, Gin,” repeated Kira brokenly. His fingers dug into my yukata and my heart swelled with tender sympathy.

“Izuru, darling,” I began, “I have an idea, but I want you to think it over before you say anything.”

“Okay.”

“I will play that scene out with you. Now.”

Abruptly he shoved me away. His face had blanched and there was real hatred in his large blue eyes. I did not reach for him, waiting for him to come to a conclusion instead.

“Why?” he asked, his tone strangled.

“Because I want to divorce you from the fear of that night and remarry that position with sensations of pleasure,” I replied softly. “Izuru, you trust me. Let yourself trust me with everything. I will never hurt you.”

“But-But what if I associate you with... with what happened? What if I-I freak out? What if – what if I fight back and, and I lose control, and I start fighting you with everything I have and you'll hate me-”

I took his hands and gripped them, hard. The sudden pain drew him back to the present. Gently I touched his mouth, the split in his lip. The touch made him wince.

“Izuru, darling. There is nothing you can do that will hurt me. And if you fight back, I will stop.” I leaned in and whispered in his ear. “We'll use a safe word, all right? If you or I say the word, we stop whatever we're doing, okay? That way you can't hurt me, and I know when you want a break.”

He held his breath. I waited. Finally, after what felt like a very long moment, he whispered, “Yes.”

I drew back. “Your safe word is 'marigold'. Is that okay?”

Kira frowned slightly, his cheeks still splotchy and his eyes slightly red from his tears. Then he managed a shaky, small smile. “All right. Marigold.”

“I'll turn out the lights now,” I murmured as I kissed his mouth.

xxxxx

He had fought, a wild animal, until I locked his flaring reiatsu and kissed him back to an uneasy calm. Tears had streaked his face as I slowly entered him, but not once did he utter the safe word. As we rolled our hips together, the fear in his eyes slowly faded and desire dominated, the blue overwhelmed by the black until fluttering eyelids covered his gaze and he rolled his head back, baring his neck for me to taste.

When he finally snuggled up, nose pressed against my shoulder and legs tucked between mine, I stroked his hair back from his face. He was nearly as thin as I used to be, all lean muscle and jutting angles, and his eyes were shadowed. His sunken cheeks and his pallor highlighted the slight droop of his lips; that traumatic experience had wiped his soft, shy smile off his face. I didn't think that it would be a permanent issue, though he might be more introspective and somber than before.

Perhaps I ought to insist on his spending time at the fourth division, maybe in the hothouse away from people. He needed his own space also, and the fourth division members were generally sensitive and sensible people. I liked them. And no one would dare mess with Kira where Unohana's word was law.

 _Yes,_ I thought sleepily, pressing a kiss to the top of Kira's head. _I will ask Unohana tomorrow, and he'll have a sanctuary._

xxxxx

The next morning when I returned from an informal visit to Unohana's office I was in a good mood. She was very open to the idea and promised that he would have a quiet corner in the healers' hothouses for cultivating whichever medicinal herb took his fancy, under the pretext of his learning about medicines.

As I strode towards my division barracks, I heard a loud commotion, and there were mentions of Kira's name. That was odd. It was lunchtime now and most of the division were out on combat drills with Komamura's group. Frowning, I headed for the source of the noise, which was in the main office, and saw Abarai Renji yelling at a closed door.

 _My_ door.

“Kira Izuru, you come out right the hell now!” the redhead pounded on the door. “You don't just walk away from us like this! Come out!”

I waited in the shadows, pulling back my reiatsu presence. There was no response from whoever was inside the office, and I wondered why Kira didn't come out to talk to Abarai.

“Come OUT!” shouted Abarai again, and actually leveled a kick at the door. When again there was no response, Abarai muttered a swearword and turned around. When he saw me his face drained of color.

I wiggled my fingers in greeting. “Good afternoon, Abarai-san.”

“Uh, good afternoon, Ichimaru-taichou.” He stood at attention, almost about to tremble by the look of him.

I strolled past him and studied my door. “Abarai-san.”

“Yes, Ichimaru-taichou!”

“I like my door.” I looked at the tall red-haired young shinigami, my smile fixed and unfriendly. “So why are you kicking it?”

He licked his lips nervously. “Um, I just... I'm sorry. I was impatient and, and I wanted to-to talk to Kira.”

I walked up to him. He was half a head taller than I but it seemed as if he shrunk in on himself. With a hand on his rigid shoulder, I tugged him a little lower so I could speak in his ear. “That's Kira-fukutaichou to you, Abarai.”

“Ye-yes Ichimaru-taichou. I meant I wanted to talk to Kira-fukutaichou.”

“Does he want to talk to you?” I hissed, hand still on his shoulder. Abarai was in a half-crouch, unable and terrified to move; my reiatsu enveloped us and locked him in. To my experienced senses, he was strong and would grow stronger. Yet at this moment, he was nothing but a child. When he didn't answer, I snapped, “Does he?”

“No, Ichimaru-taichou.” His voice was low and strangled.

“Then listen very carefully.” I leaned away from him and smiled widely. My hand left his shoulder and then trailed over a new tattoo over his brow. “Nice pattern you have there.”

Abarai swallowed. “Um...”

My index finger traced the pattern, pausing where it met his eyebrow. Then it slid down and rested on his left eyelid. With infinite care, I pressed lightly. Abarai stopped breathing. I smiled. “Do I have your full attention?”

“Yes,” he whispered, one eye shut, the other trying not to swivel around to look at the finger that could dig out one eyeball at any time.

“If you ever come in here uninvited like this again, I will shred your ass. If you dare be disrespectful to your betters again, I will shred your ass and hang it out to dry as bacon strips. And if you ever, _ever_ are rude to Kira in my hearing...” The pressure on his eyelid increased just a fraction. “You'll be taking lessons from Tousen Kaname on how to navigate the world around you.”

I let go and twitched an eyebrow. “Get out of here.”

Abarai didn't even respond before he fled. Once he was out of hearing, I asked, “Did I go too far, Kira?”

The door to my office opened slowly and my blond lieutenant emerged. He shook his head. “I didn't know how to face him.”

“Did I do the right thing then?” I asked again, my tone gentle. I took his cold hands and raised them to my lips.

Kira flushed. “I didn't say marigold just now.”

I touched his cheek. “All right then.”

 


	102. 102.

After I set Kira to sorting out documents, I headed to Aizen-sama's place. Other than wanting to find out more about his encounter last night, I wanted to clear my head. Kira's fragility was worrying and I didn't know what to do. Yet I didn't want to ask Aizen-sama for advice; for once I wanted to be fully in charge and fully responsible. Hence, when I knocked and entered, my first words were: “So, what happened last night?”

Aizen-sama barely glanced up from the papers he was checking. I peered over and saw columns of numbers. It was in preparation for the annual audit, which reminded me that I hadn't spoken to the socks-puchasing shinigami who assumed I was an idiot. Also, I had to double check the figures my lower seats had compiled. I wasn't about to count everything again but a random sample should be sufficient.

When Aizen-sama didn't reply, I perched on his desk and prodded, “Come on. Spill the beans.”

“Well, that mute boy I was telling you about? I thought he looked a lot like Kuchiki Kaede so I wanted to test my hypothesis.”

“No way,” I breathed. “Is he the real Kuchiki Kaede?”

“Yes, he is.” Aizen-sama flipped the page and continued his calculations. “We went walking and he nearly stabbed my brain through my chin. Thankfully he was unnerved enough to not do it immediately.”

I chuckled. “Must've been quite a moment.”

Aizen-sama awarded me a deadpan glare. “Thank you for your concern, my dear Ichimaru-taichou. Anyway, he said he and his team were being hunted by Soifon and he wants to know why. If that's true, I wish to help him.”

“Did Soifon really send assassins? Does sound like her style, but I'm not certain you should take the word of the real Kuchiki Kaede as is.”

I picked up the old, yellow cricket that was falling apart and replaced it with the one I wove in the morning. I wasn't supposed to be there, but Kurotsuchi had sent a message early in the day to 'meet me for an appointment to further research purposes' and I decided to make myself scarce from the office. A few dozen folders with personnel records and some inter-division communication logs were all the excuse I needed to loiter in the fifth division.

“I have use of him for now.” Aizen-sama closed the folder he was checking and folded his arms. In an abrupt segue, he asked, “What do you think of Kurosawa Shino?”

“I despise him,” I said lightly.

“That's rather extreme.”

“He doesn't seem to know what he's doing, and sometimes,” I strolled over to a new wall scroll he put up and fingered the silk backing, “I get the feeling that he's pretending all that incompetence and bumbling around.”

“Got it in one.” Aizen-sama examined the new grass cricket. “I think he wants the second division destabilized. Soifon is getting aggressive about having all disciplinary issues referred to the second division, but those are under Kurosawa's jurisdiction.”

I smiled thinly. Kurosawa was centuries too early to try tricks on my lover. “You're the cat's paw, huh.”

“Seems like. Would you like to play a game?”

“What game?”

He considered his words before he said, “Find a perfect mate for Kurosawa. I want you to find him the perfect human woman, and have them meet. He won't be a threat afterward.”

“Human?” I frowned. It was not what I thought he would have me search for.

“Human.”

I smiled and tapped my forehead in a nonchalant salute. “Got it, chief. Might take me some time though; I'm not used to looking for good women. Been too involved with bad men and all.”

Aizen-sama laughed softly and chased me out with my papers. I left the fifth division and headed back, carefully scanning the surrounds to avoid Kurotsuchi. With the task set me by Aizen-sama, I was able to feel the Kira-related anxiety ease off a little. Still, there was much to be done.

xxxxx

For the rest of the afternoon I kept myself immersed in proper work, until I heard Aizen-sama's sudden call in my head. Putting down the brush I secured the room and sent down the screens in order to prevent unwelcome intruders.

 _'Gin, emergency.'_ His tone was not harried, but I could sense the urgency. _'Kyoraku's in Hueco Mundo. He could be in Las Noches.'_

 _You certain?_ Even as I asked I was pulling out the communicator that had been set for Las Noches. It crackled to life on sensing the reiatsu we keyed into it and I noted that it was Ulquiorra's quiet voice that greeted me.

_Ukitake just told me. I don't want to think of it as a lie._

I kept my own concern under tight control. _I'll take your word for it. Want me to send a message to Ulquiorra to stay low?_

_'I want every single one of them to stay out of sight.'_

I relayed the message even as I responded to Aizen-sama. _Will do. Be careful around Jyuushiro-san though; he might be playing mind games._

_'The problem is he's always so sincere.'_

I had to smile at that. It was ironic, the great confidence man worried that he was being conned. I kept my mirth to myself though. _True. Take what he says as the truth and hope that it's not. Keep up the facade Aizen-sama, and I'll keep you posted._

With that he faded out of my conscious thought. I waited for Ulquiorra's report on whether there was a visitor to Las Noches, knowing that there was a chance we might be exposed before the day was over. I never had the habit of keeping an overnight bag but if we had to leave, I knew what I would bring.

Maybe we ought to start moving more of our clothes into Las Noches...

“Ichimaru-san.” The crackling voice was low and assured. “We see a shinigami captain skulking outside the walls. He has not breached the perimeter.”

“Good,” I said. “Silence is the best form of defense here. Make sure our doorkeeper is gagged.”

“Understood.”

Antsy, I paced my office until I received another message from my lover. _'He suspects something.'_

_Should I drop by?_

_'Stay where you are, but get ready.'_ His inner self was tense and irritated. _'You'll know in a minute.'_

Ulquiorra said via the communicator, “We are hidden. The shinigami is still searching for a way in.”

“Describe him,” I ordered.

“Tall, dark-haired, with a colorful coat and a straw hat.”

“Then it's likely who we think it is. Keep an eye on him but do not engage. Hold in reiatsu because he is very skilled. Is he alone?”

A pause. I stood still.

“No,” replied Ulquiorra, his voice as flat as ever. “There is a woman in the distance. She is attired as a shinigami as well.”

“That must be Ise,” I murmured. To Ulquiorra, I said, “Wait for my signal to send three gillian towards the girl.”

“Not the guardian?”

“No, I want gillian. The newer the better. And they are to head towards Las Noches, not away.”

“Understood.”

That was the beauty of having Ulquiorra on duty. He never asked why we wanted something done, he just did it. It was hard to get such unquestioning loyalty.

 _'Gin,'_ Aizen-sama's voice cut into my musings. _'Before you come, get Kyoka Suigetsu. We might need to retreat to Las Noches earlier than I planned.'_

_And Tousen?_

_'No need to alarm him until there is no other choice.'_

In other words, Aizen-sama would drop Tousen like a hot potato since he was of no use. After all, Tousen was in this only because he was unaffected by Kyoka Suigetsu and if we did not have him in the scheme, he would undermine all our efforts. But if we left him here, he would still blab. I then decided that I would be the one to kill him. I already knew how to do it, and it would be untraceable. All it would take was a simple gas released into his room slowly; he wouldn't even realize it until it was too late.

I smiled. That would be fun. Raising the communicator to my mouth, I said, “Send out the gillian.”

_'Gin, false alarm. Stand down.'_

With a sigh I put up the screens and unlocked the room. I was denied my fun again. Though it was good that we didn't have to beat a hasty retreat, I really wanted to be the one to end Tousen. Ulquiorra reported that the gillian had engaged the woman – I was assuming that it was Ise – and that the captain had left the perimeter of Las Noches to rescue her. I told him to keep sending more if the two did not leave and shut off the communicator.

Now what was I supposed to do with all this disappointment in my system

xxxxx

Kira whined as I bit into the nape of his neck, and inhaled harshly when I let my teeth sink in till I drew blood. My nails dug into the slim curves of his hips and he shuddered. Carefully easing up to his ear, licking and nipping along the way, I whispered, “Do you want it?”

Kira's eyelashes fluttered and somehow he managed to nod. The gag was already wet and tears had made their way down his pale cheeks, but the gaze beneath the damp lashes was fierce and unyielding.

I smiled and nibbled his earlobe, my tongue darting in and swirling in a line that made him whimper again. His hands scrabbled at the rope harness that supported his arms above his head. I slipped his slick thighs about my waist and murmured, “Hold on, darling Izuru, just hold on.”

He swallowed and relaxed his weight. I braced us against the wall before thrusting into his heat, finally allowing my control to slip. Each following thrust was deeper, harder, and we were grunting with effort. Our foreheads touched and I could feel his heated breath. With much concentration and will I stopped, drawing a desperate mewl from Kira.

“Ready, darling?” I asked, supporting his weight with one arm while the other reached for the item I had placed on a convenient ledge. I dragged the gag away from his mouth. “What's the word, Izuru?”

“Word... word is...” He licked his dry lips and managed, “The word is marigold.”

“Are you gonna say it again?”

“No. No. Please, I need – I need you-” He broke off into a loud keen when I slid our chosen toy tonight down the length of his spine. The dull side of the ivory blade was pressed deeply enough to leave a mark, and with a sudden savage desire I pushed into him as I swept the blade along the sweeping line of his left leg. He screamed and clung to me when I brought the knife back up his spine and the tip angled against his jawline and then on his pulse. He ground his hips down, his arms above him pulling on the harness to give him leverage.

I bared my teeth as I stared at him. His eyes were pools of black; I knew mine were probably the same. We kissed messily before I growled, “Slow down.”

“Faster,” he retorted. Kira gulped and then circled his hips. “Take me. Faster, harder. _Harder_.”

The litany continued while he moved, his arms flexing and straining on the rope harness we had rigged up. The dull knife kept pressing on his jugular vein, enough pressure to mark his fair skin, and with each plea his motions became more violent. For a split second the tip of the ivory blade pierced his skin. I didn't care if he was hurting himself down there impaling himself on my cock, but I'd be damned if I killed my own lover again. The blade dropped from my hand and I grabbed the back of his golden head, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He fought back, trying to break free of the kiss. Frustrated, I bit down and that brought him over the edge.

xxxxx

“I'm getting concerned, Izuru,” I said while brushing his damp fringe from his face.

He smiled languidly. “What about?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“You're becoming darker, my love.” My fingers traced the contours of his face. “I'm not easily scared, but you're starting to scare me.”

“It's just a little bit of play,” he reasoned. “And not even a sharp knife at that.”

I took his chin and made him look me in the eye. “Izuru, a month ago – heck, a week ago – you wouldn't even consider such a thing.”

“So what's your point?” His tone, so sensual and lazy earlier, had turned hard and flinty.

“My point is that you are becoming reckless of your own safety, my love.” I sat up and regarded him.

“You can keep me safe.”

The blond stretched lazily. In the light of my bedside lamp he appeared to have been gilded. I could see the mark on his neck and down the side of his leg. A little more and I would have sliced his artery or scarred him. Yet he was nonchalant about the new marks; I shifted him slightly so I could see his back and it also had angry red lines down the fair canvas of skin.

I sighed and turned him back. He blinked at me, his gaze shielded by fine golden hair. I said quietly, “There's a difference between chasing the thrill of danger versus wallowing hip deep in 'I don't fucking care'. Guess which category you're in.”

He sat up too, uncaring of his nudity in the weak candle light. “I don't fucking care.”

“Bingo.”

“Isn't that rather hypocritical? You had no issue when I suggested having some fun, and I'm playing by the rules you set, Gin, so what's the problem?”

I breathed out slowly. How to explain? I had done all this and more with Aizen-sama, but I did not want Kira to turn out like me. Not like me. Not as twisted, not as amoral, not as... _me._

I touched his face and he averted his face. “Izuru, darling... You're not playing because you enjoy it. Not because it's fun. I see it in your eyes. You're... you're acting out a fantasy now, love. You 're afraid so you want to prove your invincibility. I understand that. But this is not the way, and I don't want you like that.”

“Stop saying that you understand!” snapped the younger shinigami. He was seething and slapped the futon. “I just want to _feel_ something. I want to _feel_ , Gin! And if I need some pain to do it, why the hell can't I?!”

“Because you don't know your limits and you're pushing the boundaries too fast and too far. The last time we fucked, you were shaking and fighting, and tonight you asked for a knife. You have no _clue_ what kind of territory you're entering!” I clenched my fists to hold back my temper. The entire barracks would hear us soon, and they were a block away.

“Then show me!” he yelled, rising to his knees. “Show me if you know so much! Show me how to feel alive again, to feel _anything_ again! Anything, Gin! I'm cold, cold and hungry and dead all the fucking time, and _dead,_ like I have to actually check if I'm breathing or something, and, and... I need something to-”

Abruptly he sank back on his heels and looked away. “I want to feel like there's something in me. I need this. I need – I need to know I'm alive. I need to.” A hint of crazed desperation was creeping into his voice.

Suddenly I sensed a ragged, dark reiatsu crawling through Kira's own.

_:What was that, Shinsou?:_

_It's Wabisuke._

_Is Wabisuke trying to consume Kira's reiatsu?_

_:They are one and the same, Gin. But the blond has retreated into the deepest part of himself, and Wabisuke is thus asserting its supremacy.:_

_I see. Thank you._

Kira was still glaring at me, his eyes dark and afraid. His stance was that of a belligerent, stubborn young man. I noticed how his slender fingers twitched, as if about to clench, and how perspiration beaded over his skin despite the cool air. His jaw was tight and he swallowed nervously as I reached for him, but he did not pull away.

“That's not you talking, my darling Izuru,” I crooned, gathering him into my arms.

“Then who is it?” he whispered brokenly.

“You know.”

“...Wabisuke?”

“Yes,” I replied, brushing his hair slowly.

There was long moment of tension. His fists clenched and I could feel his entire body stiffen. Reiatsu crackled about him and was slowly withdrawn and hidden. Finally Kira exhaled and went limp in my embrace. “I don't think I can tell the difference between him and me anymore.”

“It's all right, my love. Let's go to sleep; we can talk more in the morning.”

He curled up and shut his eyes. Touching the ugly red mark on his neck, I wondered if I had let myself into something I could not handle.

 


	103. 103.

I was roused by Aizen-sama speaking to my mind. It was warm, cuddled up next to Kira, and the blond's lashes fluttered violently. I hoped it was a good dream; he had been having too many nightmares recently. Apparently he was able to rest when he was in physical contact with me, and flattered though I was, this habit could inculcate too strong a dependency in him. Unohana had only told me to give him time, but next Wednesday was his lieutenant test and I did not want the psychological evaluation to be his stumbling stone.

 _'How would you rate your acting abilities?'_ Aizen-sama asked quietly.

That was an odd question. _Between one to ten, I'll put myself at an eight. Why?_

 _'Big show to put on.'_ I could sense a dark anticipation in his voice. _'Could you disappear at noon tomorrow?'_

_I'm supposed to be training my little blond pet. He's having zanpakuto trouble._

_'If I can give you a place to stash Kira Izuru, can you be Soifon for twenty minutes?'_

Curiouser and curiouser. Acting as Soifon might be tough, and since I was a good head and a half taller than she, I supposed Aizen-sama was going to cloak me with Kyoka Suigetsu. _Fascinating. Why am I acting as the repressed bitch? Surprises in store?'_

_I have some people I need to kill – and one person to keep alive. I assume you remember Kuchiki Kaede?_

That name again? I scowled and lashed out at Aizen-sama. Though I had no love for Kitamura Fuyuki, I was still annoyed that he had tricked me into murdering. Aizen-sama took the mental rebuke without comment. I simmered down and thought, _You want him to spread the news that Soifon's a murderous psychopathic bitch? And I get to play with sharp pointy things? I'm in._

 _'Thank you.'_ My lover's mind turned to Kira's problems. _'What's wrong with Kira and his sword?'_

 _He starting to think he feels no pain... either that, or he's getting off on it. It's rather disconcerting._ I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but the resentment was there and I was used to sharing all my secrets from Aizen-sama. _I love that I can play rough, but I don't like that he's getting off on it more than I am. I wanna dig in deep, but I'm not sure how._

There was a pregnant pause. I could sense that Aizen-sama was going through possible solutions. In my arms, Kira shifted and growled low in his throat, his smooth brow furrowing as if in pain. I soothed his forehead, trying to gently erase the wrinkles.

_'Bring him to the division, round the back. There's a storehouse there – I don't think you've entered all the storehouses before? - storehouse with a black door. Inside that is a room. Bring him in and I'll teach you what to say to dig in deep, then leave him there to commune with his sword. He ought to be buried in his subconscious for at least an hour to deal with whatever issues he has.'_

_I hope you're right._ With Aizen-sama leading me in the care of my pet, I felt somewhat reassured. I need Kira at his full health, physically and mentally, in order for him to take the lieutenant position without argument. Then I smiled on thinking of the carnage that Aizen-sama wanted me to inflict on some people. _I'll bring the outfit change. You bring the knives._

_'I hope you have fun, lover.'_

_I know I will._

xxxxx

The next morning I cleared as much paperwork as I could before I summoned Komatsuzaki. He had not died that time he was sent to Las Noches; the luck of fools and bastards, I supposed. He appeared, his thin, sallow face not hiding his impatience and apprehension. I allowed myself to draw out the silence while he sat rigid in the chair facing my desk. He grew more and more tense.

Finally I pushed a single sheet of paper across to him. “I want you out of my division.”

“What? Why?” He blinked, and cleared his throat noisily. “I mean, what is the reason for wanting me to leave the division, taichou?”

I leaned back in my seat. “Close the door.” When he fidgeted in his seat, I raised my eyebrows and repeated my instructions.

The man scurried over and closed the doors before coming back to his chair. I began to play with a jade pendant I had on the desk; a plain white crane with green and brown markings, something I saw in a shop recently. It would be a gift to Kira when he passes the lieutenant test.

“Komatsuzaki-san, I want you out of the third division and into the twelfth,” I enunciated slowly, watching his face blanch. “The paperwork is ready. All you need to do is sign it at the bottom, and you can report to Kurotsuchi Mayuri.”

“I still don't quite understand why I'm being transferred, taichou,” protested the skinny man.

“A number of things you did pissed me off.” I put the phoenix down and my smile faded. “You embezzled from my division. You think I am stupid enough to buy your purchase claims. You assume that I will let things slide simply because Rinbayashi-sensei had not noticed and Utagawa-san had not cared. You engage in excessively cruel sexual activities with unwilling prostitutes, some of whom are merely children.”

I noted how his eyes widened. He clearly had no idea how I knew that last bit. To his credit, he did not try to defend himself. Tapping the paper before him, I said softly, “You will sign it and leave today, or I will pack you over in five hundred little sardine cans. Your choice.”

“I... I thought an officer must make a lateral transfer of his own free will,” murmured Komatsuzaki.

“It is your own free will whether you want to be killed now in an unfortunate incident or just risk potential death,” I said brightly. “Like I said, it's your choice.”

The man grabbed a pen and sign, fleeing the office as soon as he could. I took the paper and folded it carefully. At least that disgusting little piece of shit was out of my division, and I had taken care of the final nagging detail left from my few days so long ago with little innocent Zahl.

I wondered briefly if Hisagi would even remember how close he had been to being sexually abused by that rat of a shinigami. Then I suddenly frowned.

Why was I disgusted by Komatsuzaki? I'd done worse, hadn't I?

_:Not for a long time.:_

Shinsou's voice was calm and without censure. I let my eyelids drift closed and smiled faintly. I had never once asked it what my zanpakuto spirit thought of my earlier excesses, but I understood that Shinsou had never rejected any side of me. Other than Aizen-sama, it knew me best, since it was part of my soul – separate, but still part of it – and having it comment on my life was somewhat bizzare.

A soft knocking on the door roused me from my introspection. Kira peered in, saw me wave him in, and slid in silently. He was very quiet ever since he confessed that he felt lost in Wabisuke's reiatsu.

“Hey,” I said. “You're early.”

“I completed the tasks you set me. The files are ready for the audit team.” His subdued tone made my heart ache; I really missed his eager, bright manner when we first met. “I saw Komatsuzaki-san leaving the office with a lot of boxes in a hurry earlier, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to stop him. Was I?”

I pushed out of my seat and walked around to his side of the desk. I leaned against the table and tilted my head. “It's all right. I've just transferred him to a different division.”

“Oh?”

“Forget him.” I tapped my fingers against the wood of my desk. “I've been thinking about how to help you and Wabisuke come to an understanding. Unfortunately there is no place in the third division that will allow you to meditate without interruption.”

Kira, without raising his eyes, said, “We can use the meditation room behind the training arena.”

“Don't think I'm blind or stupid. The seated officers are harassing you,” I stated baldly but softly.

The blond darted a startled glance at me before he lowered his eyes. His cheeks were a dull pink when he said, “They're not harassing me.”

“Liar,” I rebuked tenderly, tilting his chin up and forcing him to meet my gaze. “I have eyes and ears everywhere in this division. I'm not gonna deal with them – yet – but I will not expose you to the risk of interference when you're deep under, when you're in conversation with Wabisuke.”

Kira touched my hand and swallowed. “Don't deal with them.”

“You expect me to stand by and let them walk free?”

“No,” Kira said slowly. “Don't deal with them yourself. Let me at them.”

A steady warmth spread through me. The look, this was the _look_ I wanted from him. Not the fear but the resolve. I had seen that before when he faced down the hollows to save Hisagi Shuuhei. He had screamed in fear of his life but he had been so determined and yet to resigned... I let my smile grow before I bent and kissed him.

The kiss was slow and languid, our mouths murmuring breaths against each other's lips in a sensual yet chaste dance. When I finally pulled away, his eyelids had fluttered half-closed and the open and childlike expression made me think of how he had first come to me. The unrest in his reiatsu eased a little but the dark currents still swirled beneath the surface.

_A willing, virgin sacrifice, walking into the lair of the unknown. My brave winter sun._

_My boy._

My fingers wove into his silky golden hair, lightly scratching his scalp. He shivered and the eyes shut fully, his mouth parting for his tongue to swipe the lower lip. My lust spiked for a moment but I tamped it down; Aizen-sama was expecting us soon.

“There are other meditation chambers. Unfortunately there are also other people using them at the fourth, sixth, seventh and eighth; I can't stand Kurasawa or Tousen, Soifon can't stand me, and Kyoraku-san and Ukitake-san aren't around when I want to ask their permission. I won't let you go near the mad people at the twelfth and the eleventh had long turned theirs to a sake storehouse.” I sighed. “So I asked Aizen-taichou.”

“I, uh, got that bit when you started talking about the other captains,” said Kira, a slight tease in his voice. He rose to his feet and hid his arms behind him. “Shall we go?”

xxxxx

“Aizen-san, we need the use of your meditation chamber. Would you be so kind to lend it to us for a few hours?” I beamed widely when he came into view. He had a distracted air about him; I wondered what happened.

"Certainly,” said Aizen-sama. “Good morning, Kira. Are you all right? You look a little peaky."

“I'm fine, Aizen-taichou, thank you for your concern." I could sense the difficulty Kira had in restraining Wabisuke at the moment. Maybe it was not a good idea bringing Kira here, but he had always known – hell, he still knew – that my one and only love was Aizen-sama.

_'I see why you're concerned. The internal conflict is tearing him apart.'_

_Help him, please?_

_'I will.'_ Aizen-sama sounded very confident and that assured me. _You're ready for the job later?_

 _I don't trust them,_ I said, deciding that I would elaborate on my reservations later. _I'll keep a few other blades with me in case._

The conversation was put on hold for a moment as we had just reached the black door of the storehouse with the meditation room. The room itself was plainly if spaciously constructed, nothing more than four walls and a ceiling, and it sat in the back of the storehouse. Aizen-sama let us in and I peered about. Black cloths hung from the center of the ceiling, hiding the hard corners of the room. It reminded me of Las Noches and I ran my hand over the smooth, slightly dusty fabric and felt a numbing tingle over my skin.

“How does this work?” I asked. I looked closer at the cloth and saw little glittering strands woven into it. Reiatsu regulators – the ropes holding criminals were made of these also. “Interesting place. How come I've never been here?”

“You never needed my help to understand yourself, Gin.” Aizen-sama directed Kira to a raised platform in the center of the room.

I frowned at his comment, but I wasn't certain what I was bothered about. Kira followed my lover's instructions and settled down on the dais. Before I could speak to Kira, Aizen-sama tugged me aside and asked, “How long has this been?”

"A month," I replied.

There was a faint crease between Aizen-sama's brows. "It's gonna take a lot of time for this to work. Can you spare him for that long?"

I gazed at my boy. "He has up to next Wednesday."

Aizen-sama shook his head and ushered me out of the meditation room. When we were safely out of Kira's hearing, Aizen-sama said, "He's using physical pain to detract from the emotional pain. Your guiding questions will have to be as simple as possible to cut to the core of the issue."

I knew he would be able to see the crux of the problem. Merely a few minutes of interaction with Kira and he knew what the issues were. I stuffed my hands in my long sleeves. "Start me off then."

"What is the name of his sword again?" Aizen-sama asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Wabisuke."

There was a pause as he sank into thought. I shifted from foot to foot, trying to remember how Soifon moved when she was not in shunpo. I would need to adjust my stride and the positions of my feet.

"It doubles the weight of whatever it hits, right?" Aizen-sama interrupted my thoughts.

I shrugged. My right foot kept pointing out and I adjusted my posture. "That's about it."

"Ask him why he wants others to bow before him."

"What?" I blinked and stared at him incredulously. What the hell was he talking about? "He doesn't want-"

"Ask him," he repeated, "why he wants others to bow before him. Once he's gone under, come out here and follow me."

I nibbled my lower lip, my gaze darting to the door, and asked in a soft tone, "He would be all right?"

My captain stroked my cheek soothingly. "He'd be unconscious. We'll place wards on the doors of the room and the storehouse. He'll be safe, and by the time we come back, he'll be on the path to healing."

I inhaled and breathed out slowly. “All right. Give me five minutes and I'll be all yours for the afternoon.”

Aizen-sama opened the door and I pushed past a few widths of fabric. Kira was seated cross-legged on the dais, his eyes closed, but his reiatsu was nowhere near placid. Hunkering down in front of him, I touched his knee and he jerked his head, eyes wide and wild. His lip curled and he bared his canine, as if ready to snap.

“Hush, shhhh...” Against all that my instincts were telling me, I leaned forward and rubbed noses with the blond. He breathed in sharply and the tautness from his shoulders eased marginally. “Izuru, darling, look at me.”

He focused, his breathing deepening.

I brushed both my thumbs and then my palms over his satin-smooth cheeks. Such paleness... I gazed into his blue eyes, allowing myself to indulge in that moment of calm and complete trust. Then I whispered, “I need you to meditate.”

“I know,” said Kira.

“Focus on the question I'm about to ask you. Do not attempt to leave the room until you have answered it, all right?”

His brow creased with puzzlement but he did not comment.

I pecked him lightly on his soft lips and murmured, “Izuru, why do you want others to bow before you?”

“What? I don't-” Kira protested, but I silenced him with a deep kiss, my tongue pushing against the seam of his lips. His right hand came up to my shoulder and when his fingers tightened, I drew away with an affectionate smile.

“Think on it, darling. I'll come and get you before dinner.”

I exited, as befuddled as Kira himself about that question, but keeping my queries to myself. When I stepped out of the room, Aizen-sama put a seal on the door and activated a number of kido wards. He nodded to the left and we left the storehouse.

Outside, the sun was baking the side of the building. It was not quite one in the afternoon yet and we had time to discuss our plans.

“Why did you ask for only twenty minutes of my time?” I asked when we found a shady spot beneath a nearby tree. I leaned back against the trunk and basked in the warmth of the sun. The play of light and shade over my legs fascinated me for a long while as Aizen-sama unfolded some papers he withdrew from his sleeves.

My lover nudged me to hold one piece down. “That is Kuchiki Kaede's file. I got it off of your database.”

“You retrieved it without my knowledge? Thief.”

“I admit to the crime,” he said with a smile. “The last record entered was sixty-eight years ago.”

I caught on and picked that sheet up. “Shihouin Yoruichi exiled herself almost a hundred years ago.”

“He's very likely working for Soifon,” Aizen-sama concurred and pointed to a map of the area where we were going to head to afterwards. “And here is where we are supposed to meet.”

“Why did you say you were taking acting lessons for him?” I asked, taking in the network of paths and the river's course. It was a swift river that would take us to the wilder regions of Soul Society, away from centers of population. I noted where I could leave the boat without anyone noticing, and wondered if I ought to keep Kuchiki Kaede in one piece or just within an inch of his life. Decisions, decisions.

Aizen-sama shrugged. “The fact that he could get me to suggest killing Soifon before I even knew what he was up to means that he has excellent acting skills. Even that part where he pretended to lose his nerve was a show – I've got to hand it to him, really. Layer upon layer upon layer of deception.”

“If you didn't have access to my files,” I remarked, “you would have walked right into a trap.”

“And I'm sure I could have walked right out of it,” he retorted. “But I don't want to kill Soifon. I think she serves her own purposes. However, I do wonder if Soifon is collaborating with Kurosawa, and what role does Kuchiki Kaede play in all these.”

I scratched my chin in a thoughtful manner. “You want me to keep him alive for a game of torture and tell.”

Aizen-sama smiled in that knowing manner and raised an eyebrow. “They'll have reiatsu-limiting rope net. I'm pretty sure that the ones they toss on you will be the fake, while the one they get on me is the real set.”

“But the knives?”

“I'm pretty sure, not completely,” he said. “Let's run through the play, shall we?”

I leaned back and shut my eyes. “You're meeting them first, say around a quarter to one, and tricking them into seeing Kyoka Suigetsu's shikai. Then you exit the boat and lure Soifon in.”

“Two fifteen you appear – as Soifon – and slip in after the illusion of me entering the boat.”

“They capture me in that stupid net.”

“They then sail downriver. At two forty, they get me to go into the boat to 'dispose of the body' or on some other pretext.”

“You come in, they capture you in that net thingy.”

“I act shocked and stunned. Then they release you-”

“-and they start revealing their secrets under some clever questioning.”

“Three o'clock, you slay everybody except me and Kuchiki Kaede.”

“Five minutes past three, you'll have captured and incapacitated Kuchiki Kaede, and then we'll find a way to smuggle him to a safe house.”

Aizen-sama sighed and folded the maps before he tucked them inside his coat. “We might have thought it out, lover, but there may be unforeseen circumstances.”

“Best laid plans and all that?” I teased, resting my head against his shoulder. My left hand linked with his right and I marveled at the familiar and sensual warmth that instantly stole into me. “I want a kiss.”

“Here in the open?” he asked in a soft murmur, before he bent his head and dusted his lips over mine. It was a chaste kiss and over too soon. “We'll have time in the afternoon, Gin. I'm not meeting Ukitake until seven.”

I chuckled. “You need to get it up for him, taichou.”

“Are you planning to work me that hard?”

“I'd like to,” I answered honestly. “It's been some time since we made love.”

His hold tightened and he kissed the back of my hand, almost apologetic. “We'll make up for lost time, Gin, trust me on that.”

I smiled and snuggled closer. There was still time before he had to meet, and we could afford the luxury, at least while we were on Fifth division territory.

 


	104. 104.

The real Kuchiki Kaede was nowhere near as icily beautiful as Kuchiki Byakuya, nor approaching the sensuality of Kitamura Fuyuki who had been framed to be Kuchiki Kaede before.

I was bored already. If he had been more attractive, this entire charade would be more entertaining. As it was, I couldn't wait to get back to my Kira. The boat sailed speedily and I had settled opposite Aizen-sama. He looked good bound by his hands and wrapped in a net. I let my imagination wander, picturing him naked under all those ropes and helpless for my exploration. Aizen-sama caught some of the imagery and I saw the answering humor and affection in his eyes.

The five shinigami were rusty in their training. I could identify at least three possible escape routes, and I wasn't even an expert at such tactical issues.

After almost an hour and a half, we arrived at a hut with walls made of thick stone blocks. I cast my reiatsu around in a cursory examination and located seki-seki stones buried three feet around the hut. It was their safe house, I supposed, and entered last.

Aizen-sama was unceremoniously tossed into the middle of the room and the five separated, fanning out in formation. I took a place right in front of Aizen-sama, a thin narrow blade sliding from my cuff into my hand.

“Aizen-taichou,” I began, running my finger along the flat edge of the dagger, “would you care to elaborate why you planned to have me killed?”

“I planned no such thing,” Aizen-sama said firmly.

Behind him, Kuchiki Kaede shook his head in denial. I almost shrugged but caught myself. Soifon the ever-proper would never indulge in such careless demonstrations of her true thoughts with her subordinates.

Instead, I said, “But Kuchiki said you wanted him to kill me.”

Another casual glance confirmed what I had thought: Soifon was in contact with Kaede. He had merely lowered his lashes in acknowledgment of my words.

I bent forward and peered at Aizen-sama, lowering my voice. “You set this up, didn't you?”

“If you knew, why did you come?” Aizen-sama's voice was as soft as mine. The five shinigami around us had shifted their attention to our conversation and I _knew_ then that they had not been out in the wilds of Rukongai. They had been spying in the first few districts, checking on shinigami who had come to the attentions of the second division. _Soifon, you paranoia-ridden bitch. I'll be giving you some more to be fearful about._

“Because I had to catch you in the act. How else can I prove you guilty?”

“What exactly am I guilty of?” asked Aizen-sama smoothly and calmly. _'Don't pit your own people against hers, Gin. You will come off worse.'_

 _I don't intend to hurt my own secret corps, Aizen-sama. But she is treading on MY turf. Internal security is my bailiwick, and she has no right. Her job description focuses on EXTERNAL threats._ Aloud, I said, “To whit, a conspiracy to forcibly remove a captain from his or her post. I may find other charges.” _Oh, won't I just._ “Is Ichimaru in cahoots with you?”

“No.”

“So very protective. We'll see how much you're willing to take before you spill the beans on your sordid deal.” The lack of response from Kaede and his compatriots told me a lot about Soifon's usual methods. It was strange to think that even one who upheld herself as a proper, good person could sink to my levels of depravity. “Getting rid of me will not remove the surveillance on you. They'll just become more... attentive.”

Aizen-sama narrowed his eyes in agreement. “You have a personal vendetta against me for working with Kisuke, then deal with me. Leave Gin out of this.”

“Then you should have left him alone as a captain,” I snapped. “Or did you still think that he loves you enough to risk his captaincy?”

I had had enough of this play-acting.

Aizen-sama caught the edge of my impatience and said with a small smile, “If you want to use that knife, go ahead.”

I did.

xxxxx

Kaede did not last long under my tender loving care, but it was that look of complete betrayal in his eyes that made my day. It was almost a pity that Aizen-sama speared his skull through with a blade.

On the way back to Seireitei, I asked Aizen-sama, “How should I go about it?” _It_ being Soifon and her unauthorized spying.

“As I mentioned earlier, she is taking me quite personally, and because of that it implicates you,” said my lover as he ran his hands through his hair, checking for remnant blood that might have escaped our washing up. “You might find it better to let things slide for a while.”

“And let her get involved in what doesn't concern her?”

“No, I meant get her involved with a lot of things that do not concern her,” chided Aizen-sama gently. “She was originally checking up on Kurosawa, so I suppose we might as well help give her more fodder on what she wants.” He tilted my chin up and planted a small kiss on my lips, before we resumed walking. “How much dirt do you have on Kurosawa Shino?”

I shrugged. “Some information about his involvement with local revolutionary cadre leaders. Something about wanting more equitable distribution of resources throughout Rukongai, that kinda shit.”

“He's an idealist, my dear.” Aizen-sama looked thoughtful. “We will need a sample of Kaede's handwriting; having the code doesn't make it safe for us.”

“I'll get on it.”

“And Tousen will be in charge of handling the Soifon problem.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Gin...”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I'm gonna say 'I told you so' if he screws up though.”

“He's managed not to thus far,” said Aizen-sama. “I trust him to continue to work well within my specific instructions.”

With a sigh I relaxed and stretched my arms above my head. “I really don't like him.”

“As you've made clear so very often.”

Aizen-sama seemed somewhat distracted; I supposed it was his impending date with Ukitake-taichou. Since it was the white-haired captain who came on to my lover, I supposed I did not have any say in dissuading Aizen-sama. It grated a little, but a lot less than when he was with Hisagi or with others. I guessed part of the lack of resistance was because I did like Ukitake, and I knew Aizen-sama wouldn't hurt him. He had promised before, and he would keep his promises to me.

The walls of Seireitei were visible. I wondered how Kira was doing with Wabisuke, and briefly I considered the likelihood that he was worse off than before the meditation. He needed to blow off steam, in more ways than the one I had just tossed him into, and I was sure I could find his friends more than glad to welcome him back in the fold and take care of him for me.

xxxxx

“Let's get your boy,” suggested Aizen-sama quietly as we landed in his division near the storehouses. He dismissed the illusions with a simple wave, and we headed towards the room.

Before we could enter the storehouse, Onizuka ran up, his shinigami uniform hanging off his bony frame.

“Taichou,” he said, took a look at me, and bowed very deeply and apologetically. Good kid, smart enough not to give offense. He had wised up after all. “Soifon-taichou is at the front office waiting for you.” He bowed again and hurried off.

 _She moves fast,_ I thought to Aizen-sama. “I think I should release Kira from his meditation room. Thank you for the use of it, Aizen-taichou.”

 _'The bodies would be disposed of by now, don't worry.'_ “You're welcome,” he replied, and walked sedately back to the main office building.

I watched him leave, hypnotized by the calm motions. Though I knew Aizen-sama could deal with Soifon, I could not help the thin edge of concern nibbling at me. It would be too easy to have our true designs revealed, given the extent of our plans, and although Tousen was completely loyal to Aizen-sama he was also too much of a stick-in-the-mud to deal creatively with unforeseen circumstances.

Still, an order was an order.

I entered the meditation chamber and, on parting the thick black curtains, saw Kira lying prone on the floor. My heart skipped a beat in sudden terror.

“Izuru? 'Zuru, darling, are you alright?” I dashed over and cradled him in my lap.

His blond hair was damp and sticking to his cheeks; his head lolled and then clear blue eyes gazed up blankly at me. Thankfully, he was breathing, but there was a terrifying emptiness in his expression.

Then, as if my touch had awakened something, life stirred in his face and his eyes became more focused. “Gin?”

“Izuru, darling,” I murmured, helping him to a sitting position and then pulling him into my arms. “You scared me.”

“I'm okay, Gin,” he whispered against my cheek. “I've talked with Wabisuke. It's all okay.”

I tightened my hug for a moment and then released him. He did seem better, even if he was paler than earlier. Gently stroking his face, I checked him over and noted that Wabisuke's intense, mad regard thinly layered over Kira's original gaze. The zanpakuto spirit seemed to be its usual self. Without Shinsou with me to corroborate, I decided to go with my own assessment.

“Izuru, if you're up to it,” I said, pulling him to his feet, “maybe you can pay a visit to your friends. They've missed you.”

The younger man suddenly seemed very fragile and small. He looked down, his lashes shielding his eyes. “Do I have to?”

“It'd be decent,” I scolded very mildly. As I ran my hand over his head, he snuggled up to me and hid his face. I sighed. “Izuru, they do care for you. You know that.”

“But I can't face them. Not after how I've turned them away.”

“They are your friends, Izuru. I'm sure they understand why you did what you did. They won't reject you.” The words felt like lies; nevertheless, I didn't want Kira becoming like me. If he had bonds outside of our relationship, he would be able to keep going even after I followed Aizen-sama to our destiny. For good or ill, Kira must be able to be his own person.

Kira hesitated, then breathed out slowly in acceptance.

I smiled and pinched his cheek. “That's my boy.”

xxxxx

It was not going to be a good evening for me. Aizen-sama was off being seduced by Ukitake, and Kira was on my orders going to meet his old friends at the students' watering hole near the academy. Abarai and Hinamori would be graduating in a few days' time. I supposed that brunette ditz had applied to the fifth division, and Aizen-sama was probably going to train her to take up lieutenant post, but it was galling thinking that she would be sitting where I had sat and doing what I had done for my captain.

Well, some of what I had done. She was definitely going nowhere near Aizen-sama's bed or its counterparts. Aizen-sama knew what I would do if he did her.

Kira's examination for the lieutenant post was on the same day, and since I wasn't allowed to be an examiner I had been sure to check who were the two testing Kira. One was Komamura, who was testing Kira's knowledge of the procedures and protocol, and I was sure Kira would ace that portion. Tousen was in charge of the actual combat test. I didn't know if I ought to be worried. That blind man might just be ornery and fail Kira because he was applying to be my lieutenant.

As I moped on the roof of my building, I noticed an appealing distraction. Checking the sun, I saw that there was still time before I had to seek out Kyoraku Shunsui, and I was feeling in the mood for a pick-me-up. The distraction had arrived at the right time.

Well, in the right time, but three buildings away walking through an alley, loaded with files and boxes containing research material, that was.

Hisagi Shuuhei's reiatsu signature was a very familiar one to me and if I hadn't been feeling gloomy I would have caught it much earlier, but as it was I hopped the roofs and watched until he had passed all the papers to his colleague inside the building. Stalking him was easy; the boy had not learned to look up. When he turned down a corridor to go towards the printing presses, I darted forward and intercepted him.

“You're still working?” I tutted softly just behind him. “It's past office hours.”

He jumped and swiveled around, spooked by my sudden appearance. It was the perfect spot. No windows opened into this particular corridor, the sun was too low to cast any light into the alley, and it was deserted enough at this time.

“Ichimaru-taichou,” he greeted stiffly and straightened from his defensive pose. “I had to deliver some urgent papers, yes. I've just gone off duty.”

I noted his cool, clipped tone and smirked wickedly. “That's nice,” I commented. “So I guess you're free now.”

He was still on guard. Smart kid. “I do have other matters to deal with.”

“Oh?”

He inhaled deeply and stepped back. “If you don't mind, sir, I shall take my leave now.”

Before he could move I had a hand curled at the back of his neck, keeping him from moving. “Oh, but I do mind. You see, I am feeling... what's the fancy term now... _bored._ What do you think I should do about that, Zahl?”

Hisagi swallowed. Then he hissed out, “With all due respect, Ichimaru-taichou, I think you can do whatever you want to do, but please leave me out of it, _sir_.”

“So much respect is so very refreshing.” I dragged my fingers down the nape of his neck and then around, stopping just as my fingers touched his Adam's apple. His breath became shallow. I leaned forward and whispered, “I'm bored, and you will entertain me.”

“Ichimaru-taichou-”

“Oh, and you will address me as Yuki-san,” I added.

He hesitated and then said, “Yuki-san, what do you want of me? I'm no longer with Aizen-taichou. I'm no longer with anyone you care about. I'm no longer of interest to you.”

“And how do you know that last bit?” I countered with a quick smile. “Besides, I was under the impression that you still care for Kira Izuru. Am I wrong?”

“No. But you're taking care of him now, aren't you?”

“I am,” I said, then lightly added, “as long as I'm happy to.”

Now Hisagi stiffened. After what felt like two or three minutes, he gritted out, “What do you want me to do now?”

I smiled brightly at the young shinigami. “Simple, really.” My fingers skated up the side of his face, over the terrible scars and into his hair. Then I clenched and dragged his face close for my lips to murmur next to his ear, “Give me a good blow, here and now, and I'll feel... what's the word? Happy.”

“Is that all?” he breathed out hotly. I thrilled, sensing his fury and disgust at being used this way. The mere fact that I could manipulate him like this was exhilarating. He probably hated himself for being this weak, for bending his knees to the man who stole his lover, for threatening him using such low methods.

And yet he knelt before me, carefully undoing my belt and releasing my cock from its confines. As his mouth closed over my erection, I stroked his hair and said, “He's out looking for his friends tonight. I'll let you meet him and take care of him tonight, hmm?”

His response was to glare at me. Such beautifully ferocious eyes! I smiled more thinly, before rolling my head back to savor the feel of his strong, wet tongue sliding from the base to the tip, circling it carefully before drawing it into the moist, warm cave of his mouth. Then he began sucking, sliding my arousal in and out in a rhythmic manner, hastening the pace as he sensed my body responding to his skill. He had the most wicked mouth of any lover I had, eager and demanding and coaxing all at once.

Yet, each time I glanced down, I would encounter that dark gaze full of anger and rejection, and it made me more aroused to realize just how much Hisagi loathed doing this: sacrificing his dignity and honor for Kira, knowing that Kira would never know what Hisagi gave up for him. Nevertheless, I knew that Hisagi knew he could not stop being humbled and humiliated by me because he cared for Kira. And if this went on, Hisagi would be addicted to being the giver, taking my abuse so that he would still be able to care for Kira in his own way.

Fool. Foolish and devoted Zahl, still not seeing what was in front of him.

I moaned softly, feeling my climax approach. Hisagi screwed his eyes shut as I grabbed his hair and fucked his mouth until I came in hot spurts. Then I leaned back against the wall as he drew away, swiping at his mouth, and then tidied my clothes with bad grace.

When he stood up, his gaze was blank and lifeless. “May I go now, sir?”

I smirked and wiped a tiny bit near his chin. “You may. Kira's at the pub near the East gate. Watch over him tonight, Zahl, and keep him safe from harm.”

xxxxx

With hardly any effort, I located Kyoraku just outside the eighth division with a ring of hapless shinigami pulled down to sit with him as he drank. He poured liberally into every sake bowl before him and gestured to the others to drink, including Ise Nanao, and ignored the girl's admonitions about captain-appropriate behavior.

“Meh, it's alright, Ise-fukutaichou,” I assured her as I approached. The others, seeing that a captain they feared had arrived, whitened with terror. To Aizen-sama I sent the thought, _I'm with Kyoraku. He's drowning his sorrows and dragging people into it._

_'Thank you. Keep me posted about his activities tonight, please.'_

_You assume I can drink him under the table or something. If I don't fall over drunk I'll watch him. If I get a hangover tomorrow, you're treating me and Kira to kaiseki-ryori. “_ Ise-san, I will take care of Kyoraku-san.” I surveyed the surroundings. “Kyoraku-san, let's drink indoors so it's not so cold?”

“You're going to drink with me?” slurred Kyoraku. Despite the heavy perfume of alcohol about his person, I could see that his eyes were still alert and when he got to his feet, he was very steady. That old pretender was only trying to get me into a drinking match with him. Maybe he was hoping that alcohol would loosen my tongue.

No matter. I went from sober to dead drunk without passing through the 'revelation of embarrassing secrets' phase, so as long as I kept to my limits there shouldn't be any problem. The issue was whether I could keep watch over him as I promised Aizen-sama.

“C'mon, Nanao-chan,” purred Kyoraku, leering at his pretty if stern lieutenant. “Bring in the cups and join us for a party!”

“Umm...” One of the other shinigami who had been pulled into the drinking circle raised a hand timidly. “May I leave?”

I shooed her away. “All o' ye, get out of 'ere. Kyoraku-san and I wanna drink all these by ourselves!”

Released from the horrors of acute liver failure, the nine shinigami skedaddled, leaving myself, Ise and Kyoraku with a stack of sake bowls and three sake bottles. Ise folded her arms and glared at her captain.

“I'm not joining you in your bid to be the first sake-marinated captain,” she declared. “And you will take your own sake bowls!”

“Awwww... Nanao-chan? Are you abandoning me?”

I chuckled and picked up the bowls and a bottle. “Come on, Kyoraku-san. Time's a-wasting, and sake tastes better when you're in comfort.”

I had better get a damn good meal out of this.

 


	105. 105.

It took me a while to pry myself away from Kyoraku; he was not trying to get himself drunk but trying to get me drunk. I took care not to drink any faster than he. Still it was well into the late hours that I extricated myself, leaving the eighth division captain to the tender ministrations of his lieutenant.

I never knew a book could be wielded with such force without even bending.

As I wound my way home, I saw Hisagi storming down the path towards the ninth division barracks. His anger was incandescent – he didn't even see me until I was right in front of him, about half an inch from collision.

“You,” he snarled when recognition lit up in his eyes. “Excuse me, _Ichimaru-taichou_. I have to go back to my room.”

“Now, now, let's not part on such uneasy terms,” I purred. My right hand reached up with snake speed and grabbed him by the back of his neck and he winced at my touch. Leaning in, I sniffed at his mouth and smiled. “Not even a kiss? Tsk tsk tsk... I'm disappointed in you, Hisagi-san. My lil' blond darling was in _such_ a vulnerable mood tonight and you didn't take advantage of it.”

Though he could not wiggle out of my hold, he could glare at me with much venom. He did. “I'm not you,” he spat.

I licked the seductive number on his cheek and whispered, “If you were me, you'd have bent him over and fucked him into ecstasy by now.” I pulled back, just enough for him to feel my lips brushing his as I spoke. “Ain't it a shame that you aren't me?”

“You-”

“Language, officer,” I hissed. “And don't think for a moment that you're off my hook. You'll never be free of me, darlin' Zahl.”

He shoved me in the shoulders and I let go, watching him almost stumble. He was staring at me, half in fury, half in fear. “What do you want of me? There is nothing of me that benefits you, Ichimaru-taichou. There is nothing that you need from a nobody like me.”

“No,” I agreed. “But I _want.”_

Hisagi was breathing erratically and deeply as he tried to formulate a response. I sidled forward and pinned him to the wall before he could duck. His body was taut with nervousness and barely concealed rage.

I pressed my body against him and lowered my voice. “I want you craving me, Hisagi Shuuhei. I want to carve myself in your psyche. I want you to wake up everyday and go to bed every night knowing that it could have been you in my bed, being touched and caressed and fucked by me. I want you to never forget how you gave up that chance. I want you begging me to take you back.”

He was breathing a little heavily. “You're nuts. That's never gonna happen.”

“What can I say? A boy's gotta dream.” With a broad, innocent smirk, I stepped back and tossed off a lazy salute. “Good night Hisagi-san.”

xxxxx

I was back at my quarters in time to see Kira neatly demolishing the confidence of the two shinigami who dared to threaten him. What he did would definitely be spread around the division as a sign of his character, and if he wanted to be as coldly professional as all that I saw no need to change him.

However once he saw me he seemed to soften into the Kira Izuru I had as my lover. Leading him into the bedroom, I wondered vaguely if he truly understood what it meant to be with me, to be at my side. His abilities would always be questioned; he would have to defend me – not just to my detractors but also to himself; he would be doubted by Soul Society once I leave.

Maybe I had had too many drinks.

He undressed me slowly, almost reverently, and when his tongue explored the tattoo on the small of my back I could not help but moan with pleasure. As he shifted to the front and his hands undid the ties to my hakama his eyes sought out mine. There was a strange hunger in the intense blue and I had to hold back physically when he laid his cheek on my thigh, his breath a whisper on my heated skin. Then he started kissing my cock and my eyes fluttered shut; my lips tightening on my sigh when he took my arousal into his mouth. I placed a hand on his head, trying to calm myself down. I did not want to compel him tonight, though his lips and tongue was making it difficult for me to keep from bending him over and fucking him through the floor.

Eventually I had to stop him. “Stand up, Izuru, and let us finish this.”

“Yes, Gin,” he answered, all obedience and pink-lipped temptation, and trailed after me to the bedding.

I lay down with my hands cradling the back of my head and took in Kira's appearance. Dressed though he was, he nonetheless flushed and looked down in shy concern as if he were nude. I licked the inside of my cheek and made my decision. “I don't want to ask anything of you tonight, so do what you want to do.”

The pale blond breathed in hesitantly and then his hands made quick work of his hakama as he shed them, kicking them aside with little care. His kimono shirt he left on his frame and then he knelt at the foot of the futon. I peered at him, curious.

“Could you pass me the lubricant?” he whispered, eyes on my half-smile.

I groped for it on the left side of the bed where we had last placed it and threw it lightly at Kira. This was going to be interesting, I thought, and when he pulled off all his clothes I expected him to slick me up and fuck himself on my erection.

Instead, he started fondling himself, those thin fingers stroking over his arousal quickly and surely, the fingertips lingering and circling the tip while the base of his palm pushed against the base of his cock. The way his index and middle fingers pressed along the vein and then slid lower, behind his balls; the left hand he used to pump himself; the furrowed brow and quickening breath; soft, wet lips, tongue darting out and back into that perfect mouth; half-lidded blue eyes rapidly swallowed by the black.

Without realizing so my reiatsu had expanded and enveloped us; I could feel his fluttering strength pushing at mine. It was intoxicating to know that he was feeling my invisible embrace – his cheeks darkened further and his mouth opened more. Now his right hand reached for more lubricant and then he adjusted his posture. Parting his legs wider, I could view how he was sliding his elegant digits into himself, the curve of his torso almost lewd and far too inviting. His cock was dripping, his eyes had hazed over, and I had never seen him look like that for me before.

He was in his element right now, showing me a sensual, sexual side of him I had never witnessed before. It was driving me mad not to touch him.

Once his finger was pulled out with a wet sound, I half-hoped he would crawl over and let me penetrate him. Instead he inserted a second finger, while his left hand teased his own cock with the clear sticky liquid dripping from the slit. My mouth went dry as I fantasized about licking every bead of pre-come off, imagining the soft whines and moans that would come from Kira's white throat as I locked his arms and legs down.

He shuddered, evidently having found that bundle of nerves all by himself. He reached clumsily for more lube, hardly aware of the slippery status of his erection. Then three fingers reached in and Kira frowned in mild concentration before he cried out hoarsely. His tongue swept over his lower lip and then he arched his back, trying to maintain contact with his sweet spot, fucking himself with his beautiful fingers-

I grabbed his right wrist and pulled it away, my cock twitching at the complaint that emerged from Kira. I kissed him hard, kissed without tenderness or skill, desperately trying to swallow his delicious noises. My teeth must have cut his lip; I could taste blood faintly and it drove my passion higher.

With one hand I smeared lubricant all over my throbbing cock and thrust into him without further preamble. I whispered, “I correct myself. I do have something to ask of you tonight.”

“Wh-what's that?”

I adjusted my position so that I could go deeper. His eyes were screwed shut and he was trying to breathe properly. I took his chin and waited until wide blue eyes were looking at me again.

“You will never do that in front of others, you hear me?” I ordered harshly. “You will do that only for me. Only – for me. I will not have other men see you like that.” I took a deep breath and closed in. “Have you ever done that before with Hisagi?”

“No, never,” he replied in a gasp, his heat tightening about me with anticipation.

“Good.” My tongue flicked out and licked my blond's lips. “Now ride my cock until you can't move any more.”

Kira nodded and complied.

xxxxx

My new lieutenant looked a little green around the gills as we headed to his aunt's place. I had thought of asking him why, but on second consideration I decided to watch how he interacted with her. It would be useful.

The servant peered out from the gate, his rheumy eyes mistrustful. “I shall inform the lady of the house.”

“Th-thank you,” Kira said.

I fumed inwardly. This was Kira's home – the servant should be welcoming him with open arms. It was unacceptable, and I was debating how to ream Kira for his unnatural subservience. The servant reappeared and led us down a shady path to a hall. The transoms were elaborately carved and I admired them; Aizen-sama's tastes ran towards simplicity and stark lines, while I could and did like exquisite details and more traditional forms.

His aunt was a thin woman, her eyes not quite as blue as Kira's but far more censorious. She took in our attire and my rank, her hawk-like demeanor stiff and rigid, and she greeted us extremely formally after Kira's tentative greeting.

I bowed my head slightly in acknowledgment. Then I took the seat offered us. When the servant came with drinks, I said, far too cheerfully on purpose, “Thanks but I’m not hungry.” The tension was building and I decided to let it mount higher. “Ne, Izuru-kun, didja learn how ta garden from yer aunt? Cos this is a beautiful garden she has 'ere.” One glance at the aunt and I could see her jaw twitching in disapproval. _So very easy to rile._ “Nothing like what we has back in the division, a'course, but not bad, not bad at all.”

I had not even seen the garden properly yet and I knew nothing about good gardening, but it was worth the fib to see the pale shock and surprise warring in Kira's eyes. The accent had been a gamble – I would place good money on a bet that this stuck-up aunt was frostier and snobbier than Byakuya on a good day.

Strolling out of the room with nary an “excuse me”, I let my reiatsu expand lightly until I could sense the conversation in the room. It was a good garden, inasmuch as my amateurish perception could make of it, and I grinned nastily.

The aunt then made a comment on having Kira apologize to Asou's mother. That bitch even sounded as if there was nothing wrong with asking the victim to seek forgiveness from the attacker's family.

I decided to intervene before Kira gave in out of sheer terror of his aunt. That bullying bitch did not even need to raise her voice, but my confident boy, my beautiful, lewd tempting boy was practically quaking in his socks. Caused them to lose a f ine son, indeed.

“-who bribed others to do violence on his behalf and inflicted hurt on your own nephew." I erased the accent entirely when I interrupted. "And you are one pathetic bitch. Come, Izuru."

My blond came to me and I saw the instant when he realized that he had obeyed my command without thought. He stood still, unsure if he should walk over or apologize to his aunt. I suppressed the instinct to kiss him and instead nailed his aunt with a hard glare.

She was almost white with anger. “I showed you the respect due your station-”

“-you should then show the lieutenant of the Third Division the same respect,” I told her icily. “Kira Izuru has been nothing but a credit to his name, and you see only what you want to see. Izuru, come!" I repeated, then said to the old woman, "You plainly do not know how to treat Izuru properly. If you weren't his aunt, I would have taught you a lesson in abject humility.”

 _Which I have,_ I thought snidely, ignoring Kira's weak protest.

"And Kira is too sweet to seek redress for the wrongs you have heaped on him," I went on, ruffling his blond hair affectionately. When I made to leave and he hesitated, I scowled and snapped, "Izuru-kun. You know what I expect of you."

“Yes, taichou.” My lieutenant followed after me and exited the room, leaving his aunt stewing in impotent rage.

I wondered if she would have a stroke and die after seeing the state I left her garden in.

xxxxx

As we approached the main path that would lead us back to the division, I could still sense his apprehension. I waited until he was close enough before I murmured, “You were too docile back there.”

Kira was silent.

Somehow that silence irked me. I stopped in my tracks and shook him by the arm gently. “Don't you ever allow anyone to put you down like that again. Never,” I ordered, my voice low. “You are _my_ lieutenant, and you _will_ take pride in it.”

“Yes, taichou,” Kira said softly, his eyes almost but not quite meeting mine.

“And never apologize to such as her!” I snapped out. “She is such an ungrateful, biased hag!”

Kira kept his head low and my heart softened. He really was such a darling, my beautiful winter blond, and too biddable by half. At least when he was really pushed he would blaze with cold fire. And I did contemplate how much he would need to be pushed before that fire would turn to ice.

I smiled a little. It would be an interesting experiment.

xxxxx

xxxxx

Time passed.

I grew older, and settled into my role as captain. Kira was the sweetest, wildest thing in bed, indulging in my little cruelties and urging me to press his boundaries. And throughout the whole time he worried about Aizen-sama and myself.

My lover maintained a casual, physical fling with Ukitake Jyuushiro, and I used that to prod him mercilessly. I wanted others to think that I resented him that modicum of pleasure and comfort. In actual fact, Aizen-sama and I found it extremely engaging to dissect the night-time (or daytime; Kira was very accommodating) performances of our respective liaisons. Our renewed fervor for each other certainly meant a number of surreptitious escapes to Hueco Mundo to fuck each other senseless.

Occasionally, when I sent Kira out on missions, I would seek out Hisagi and indulge in his willing and pliant body, despite his seething resentment and disgust. That boy hated every second of my manipulation and yet craved my domination, and that added all the more to the delight of breaking him.

xxxxx

It was a period of rare peace, which lasted until I was sent on a routine inspection of a certain Karakura Town and its resident shinigami.

As I stepped through the door, the chilly breeze swept through my skinny frame. I shivered delicately. I had ignored Kira's urging for me to bring a scarf, because the one he picked out for me was as long as Byakuya's.

“Crud,” I swore softly under my breath as another fierce gust speared its cold into my bones. _I will need to get into a gigai if I want to find a warm place to stay tonight._

“Are you okay?”

I glanced to my left and saw an attractive young woman, probably in her late teens or early twenties. She had her auburn hair bound in a ponytail, but even in the gray light of the clouded sky I could see how vivid the color would be in sunlight. Her dark pink scarf kept her neck warm and her mustard yellow coat was well-tailored, if a tad old.

She frowned lightly and repeated, “Are you alright? Do you need a place to warm up?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” I replied.

She beamed brightly and walked away with a brisk step. I strode off in the opposite direction.

Then I paused.

I was wearing my haori and uniform. I had a sword. I was not in a gigai.

So how come she didn't react as if she had seen a ghost?

 


	106. 106.

That woman in Karakura bothered me.

She was pretty, but not beautiful; Rangiku was far more appealing visually. But I could not put that woman out of my head – she was an anomaly in my admittedly scant interactions with humans. They were usually oblivious to my presence, even if they usually reacted to my reiatsu.

 _'Show me.'_ My lover was, as always, imperious. He had caught the edges of my thoughts and now metaphorically sat in the theater of my mind, waiting to view the scene.

I recalled what I could, pausing on the moment when I realized that she was merely human.

Aizen-sama was intrigued. _'Interesting woman. Do you have a name?'_

 _I just met her today. Give me time._ When I opened the door and saw the stack of missives I sighed audibly. _I might need more time than expected._

 _'The SWA are seeking victims for their latest moneymakers. You might want to identify your sacrifices before they take your blood.'_ Aizen-sama's unsolicited advice confused me until I saw the letterhead of the SWA on the topmost sheet. Then I groaned. I _hated_ workshops. They sucked the life out of the hours, dragging time on and on and on and on when I could be doing something fun.

A flash of blond outside along the corridor gave me pause.

I could also be doing some _one_ fun.

Scanning through the list of workshops, I noticed that there were a handful for lieutenants and captains only. The others were open to seated officers. Hastily I scribbled down the names of the sixth and seventh seats for most of the workshops, and for the remaining ones limited to captains and lieutenants, I put down Kira's name.

When my little blond came in, armed with mission reports, I told him of my decision.

“Taichou. You know I hate those things,” he groaned when he saw how often his name appeared on the sign-up list. “Can't you go for at least one?”

“No.” I slipped my arms about his waist and nuzzled the back of his ear. “I'm sorry. I’ll make it up to you?”

Kira turned a little to regard me with his soft blue gaze. “Really?”

“Mm-hmm. In fact, let's start right now,” I suggested, sliding my hands into the part in his clothes., my lips closing about the curve of his ear. He protested halfheartedly, his body arching gently into my touch, and when our lips met he yielded to my intrusion immediately.

He tasted sweet. I smiled and removed the papers from his hand, letting them fall where they would. His muttered complaint was ignored in favor of more decadent pursuits – his skin was warm, his fingers tender as they skated over my back and brushed at the nape of my neck. We kissed languorously, his mouth hot and inviting, tongue dancing and pushing against mine, and I brushed a free hand over his groin playfully.

“Taichou,” he moaned with a hastily-exhaled breath. “We're still in the office...”

“So?”

“Mmm... Someone might see...” The words died away as I attacked the smooth curve of his neck, bared as it always was for my exploration. His gasp further reinforced my belief that he had no real issue with doing it in the office – the blond was not the least bit able to resist my charms. Not that he was trying, even; he was pliant and willing as my mouth sucked on that soft spot just below the ear, his voice thin and breathy and needy.

Someone cleared his throat and knocked on my door.

I was going to kill him.

As it turned out, my intended murder victim was a girl, a new recruit, and her eyes were large and scared as she bowed in apology multiple times. Kira was flushed as red as a cherry and I sighed, waving the girl in to take the notice from her.

It was something about my division's missing performance reviews. I had clean forgotten to write them, and now that Kira had seen the reminder I was unlikely to get him to cooperate with me on office sex. The girl rushed off before I could get her name – easier to track a non-seated shinigami if I had at least a surname to work with – and Kira tutted at my procrastinating ways, before pushing me to my desk.

Truly, the world was a dismal place.

xxxxx

Not that dismal, as it turned out, because making up to Kira was all kinds of pleasant fun. However, deep in my bones I was aching to dole out some pain – or to receive it, I wasn't picky. Aizen-sama had always been able to feed both sides of my libido, but now that he was more involved with Ukitake I supposed it would be difficult to explain why Aizen-sama had no energy left to fuck that captain in the evenings.

About a week later, I woke up cranky, especially since Kira had left to check on the previous day's patrol reports before he headed to the workshop. I would need to find someone else to take the edge off.

Despite the early morning chill, I went out without my captain's robe. It wasn't as if the others didn't recognize me anyway. I was sure they now taught a class in the Academy on 'Who Not To Ever Cross, Not Even If You Were Fucking Insane'. Probably Unohana's and Zaraki's names would top that list, while I might be third or fourth. Aizen-sama, bless his psychopathic heart and terrific acting, probably didn't even come close to the list. After the Kuchiki Kaede debacle, he was even more bland and nice than before, and that took a lot of doing. Everything about him now screamed 'harmless' and 'trustworthy', so I knew that when we finally made our move, there would be many confused puppies around Seireitei.

Including that bitch Hinamori Momo. Especially her.

I snarled mentally at the thought of the girl. She had been hanging on to every single syllable dripping from Aizen-sama – I watched her as she gazed adoringly at _my_ lover – and trying in her small little adorable cute way to make his daily routines easier.

 _'Jealousy does not become you in the mornings, Gin,'_ Aizen-sama murmured sleepily in the back of my head.

I sent soothing thoughts at him. _I’m sorry for waking you._

 _'If you're looking for someone to wreck, why not seek out old playmates? I’m sure there's one or two willing to have even a tiny scrap of you again.'_ Aizen-sama's advice was layered over with mild annoyance at whatever was outside his bedroom, and he sent one final caressing thought before our linked thoughts faded into mere presence instead of actual words.

And a smile crept across my face as I listened to Seireitei waking up.

The printing presses were hard at work, thumping ink on paper to disseminate information and provide entertainment, more the latter than the former. Shinigami in sleeveless uniforms ran about the room, stacking up issues or bundling or just looking busy. I never did understand why they had to go without sleeves until this moment: to have a sleeve caught in any of these terrible machines would be tantamount to suicide.

All noise faded as I zeroed in on my target. He was there, checking off a list on a clipboard, an efficient dog carrying out routine tasks. A bitter resentment uncurled from someplace deep in my heart and I knew I smiled more widely. Shinigami scattered when they saw me, but Hisagi Shuuhei noticed me too late: I was right behind his left shoulder.

“Fuck,” he swore when he realized who was peering over him.

I chuckled, a hand on his left forearm. “Just what I was about to suggest.”

His eyes grew wide and then narrowed to mere slits. “No. Not again. I have to finish checking the deliveries before I go to the workshop-”

“You. Over there, the short guy. With the stupid hair. Get here,” I ordered, and because he saw it was a captain that short man lumbered over. I thrust the clipboard at him. “Hisagi-fukutaichou and I have business to discuss in private.”

“No we don't,” snapped Hisagi, making a futile attempt to grab the clipboard from his subordinate, but my hand tightened on his forearm and he blanched.

I smiled at him and murmured by his ear, “Or you would prefer that I bend you over right now and fuck you where all your men can see? Is that what you desire, Zahl?”

He stiffened and gritted out, “There is a storeroom in the back for paper rolls and inks.”

I followed him to the dingier areas of the printing house, though I kept hold of his forearm.

“So this is where you keep your stock,” I remarked. My voice echoed and I listened to the hollowness of the space. “Kinda dusty. Your people don't come in here often enough.”

The paper rolls were stacked in tall columns, braced against steel shelves, while barrels of what I believed to be inks were placed nearer the walls. The musty smell irritated my sinuses and I scowled.

“What do you want?” The brunet yanked his arm from my grip and massaged it gingerly. His dark eyes studied me as if he was expecting to be hurt, and was trying to see how to escape my clutches. “we're done, remember?”

Hisagi had always been a smart one and my lips curl with anticipation. I closed in, inching him back into a bale of paper and taking in the dilated pupils, the faster pace of breathing, the fingers curling into a fist – and then slammed him up against the nearest tower of paper. It teetered dangerously but settled again.

I leaned forward and hissed, “Don't make me do that again, hmm? I’m sure you don't want your subordinates to come running in here and seeing you in any compromising situations. It might just cause you to lose their respect.”

“Fuck you,” spat Hisagi quietly. The sour resentment in his voice echoed in his glare.

“Oh no, not me.” I pulled his arms over his head and bound his arms with a simple spell. My hands cupped his face and I licked over his lips, darting back and laughing when he tried to bite my tongue. “You really are delightfully predictable, darling Zahl.”

Hisagi's muscled arms strained as he tried to break the hold, but the effort stilled when my right hand slipped over his belly and up his back. I rested my mouth on his neck, loving the clean, fir-tree-snow-musk scent of him, and then with my left hand freed him of his belt.

He was obviously startled. “Stop this.”

“Make me,” I challenged.

He took it seriously and tried to buck my hands off, but I threw him to the ground instead, face down, leaving him trying not to choke on the dust that had accumulated over the past few weeks. While he tried to get his breath back, I pulled off his hakama and ran my hands over his exquisite arse.

“Stop – stop it,” he repeated, kicking out with his feet and scooting forward, before he rolled over and tried to stand up.

I waved my hands again and now binding ropes snapped around his bare legs and ankles. This time he collided painfully with an ink barrel before he fell down on his knees. He grimaced and tried not to curse; I supposed he really did not want any of the lower seats to come in and see him with his pants off, tied up, and completely at my mercy.

Was I a bad person for loving this arrangement?

I was unhurried as I freed my arousal. It was not fully erect yet, but the way Hisagi was glaring at me made my blood tingle with an eagerness I had not experienced for some time. Not since the time I got him to suck me off in some misguided belief that he would make things better for Kira.

_What would Kira do if he knew I was fucking Hisagi behind his back?_

That thought decided me. I grabbed Hisagi by his hair and pulled, lifting his head clear of the floor. His teeth were bared in a growl but it was a pathetic effort, seeing how little power he actually had.

“I will fuck you whether you want it or not,” I said. “The only choice you have now is to take me in your mouth or in your arse. And If I weren't satisfied with either, I will do both.”

Hisagi's gaze turned fearful for a split second, before clouding over with rage. “I'll rather die than let your prick come in me again!”

“Both it is then,” I replied cheerfully, and gripped his jaw in a way that forced his mouth open. Before I pushed my cock into his mouth I whispered, “Try anything funny and I will kill you, and all those outside. Do you doubt my word?”

The fear was back and this time it lingered. Hisagi knew a taste of what I could do, and he wasn't sure he wanted to push his luck. He swallowed. “I will... I will take you in my mouth,” he muttered defiantly. “I will suck you off again.”

“Oh no, you missed your chance to choose,” I responded with quiet glee. It must _kill_ him to have to ask me. His narrow eyes flashed frustration and anger at me before he closed them. I traced the number on his cheek and the black strip over his nose, before I slid my erection past his lips.

It was not a skillful blow, because he didn't want to do it, but I ignored the lack of participation and fucked his mouth hard, feeling the tip push against the back of his throat. Despite himself Hisagi had to suck, if only to have a chance to breathe, and then I rolled us over so that his back was against a bale of paper and I could thrust in at a greater speed. When I felt my climax approaching I pulled away from his reddened mouth, before I freed his legs, pulled his toned thighs apart, and thrust into him, without even the most cursory of preparations beyond his own spit.

He bit down on his lower lip, eyes screwed up with the pain, and I caught the hint of blood in the air. Blood and sweat and sex and – tears, there they were, Hisagi's hopeless rage and humiliation breaching his defenses and he was _crying,_ though he was also manfully pretending he was not weeping over a heartless fuck. His breath stuttered with each thrust. When he opened his eyes to glare at me I had to marvel at how bright and murderous his gaze was, and the intensity only grew as I pushed hard into him, my body taut as I released, my eyes fixed on his, drowning with lust in his impotent rage.

When I withdrew and cleaned up with his uniform, I could hear a suppressed sniff and a cough as Hisagi gathered what was left of his pride. I crouched down and traced my finger over the tears that had run down over his face, before sliding down and parting his kimono. My fingers sought out his nipples and teased them, playing them into hardened nubs, and he was gasping with the sensations running through his veins like acid.

“Stop it, you've got what you came here for,” he breathed painfully. “Get out. Leave me alone. Don't – don't. Don't touch me.”

“You keep telling yourself you don't want this, Zahl,” I murmured before I kissed him on his mouth, slow and gentle, “and I’ll keep returning to show you why you can never lie to me, even if you lie to yourself.”

Satisfied that I was cleaned up, I stood again and walked to the entrance, before I dissolved the spell that bound Hisagi's arms.

xxxxx

Kira surprised me that evening when he returned from the workshop. His initial reticence was puzzling if slightly infuriating, but when we were in the office he was a different man. A better one.

"Shuuhei said... He said you are forcing him into having sex with you,” said Kira. His blue eyes were begging me to deny it, I could tell, but this was too much fun to let it lie. So my Zahl had run to my lieutenant?

"I bet his words weren't that polite," I said. Knowing Hisagi as I did, I added, "And I bet he made a threat against me. Which he didn't have the balls to tell me to my face. Am I rightMy lovely blond sat down slowly, as if needing time to process my admission. His eyes closed. "Yes. You're right."

I moved closer, hands braced on the arms of his chair, and asked, "You seem upset. Are you jealous?"

He looked at me, completely bemused. I grinned. "Did you think that I am yours? Did you assume that I am a faithful man?"

It took Kira some time, but he eventually said, "I had hoped that you would... that I would be enough for you."

_Let's see how far I can push him._

“You're a great person to share a bed with, dear Izuru,” I told him after a brief kiss. “But darling... I need something dark sometimes. A bite. A spark. A flame that threatens me. You don't have it.”

"I don't have it?" My boy shot to his feet and almost crashed into my nose if I hadn't ducked away immediately. "You've never even tried! You assumed that I am soft and weak and will give in without a fight, a battle, without defiance, without resistance? You – you go out coercing Hisagi Shuuhei – Hisagi – you know fucking well that he has a thing for authority figures, that he – how the hell did you force him – what did you say to him?"

 _Oh ho ho, there it is. The fire that I’ve been longing to feel, the bite of sad little Kira Izuru._ I raised my brows and asked, "What do you think I coerced him with? What leverage do I have over him, Izuru dear?"

"... I don't – I don't understand."

I decided to take some pity on him. “You've only ever been the one he wants, darling. I don't know about any 'thing' he has for authority figures, but he has only ever wanted you." Kira looked even more confused now, so I elaborated, "He let me fuck him because he thinks that by doing so, he protects you from my darker side. And thus far, it's working."

Which was the word that shoved Kira over the edge I would never know, but in the next moment he had pinned me to the wall and was attacking my mouth viciously, trying to draw out all my breath, his tongue fighting into my mouth and tasting everything.

I let him maneuver me for a while until I felt a rip in my lower lip; it stung. Kira must have tasted it too because he backed away slightly.

Curiously, I touched the tip of my tongue to the cut and smirked. "What are you trying to prove, Izuru?"

His voice was very low but intense. "That I can take your darker side. That I want your darker side. I am jealous. I am _terribly_ jealous. I'm not jealous that you slept with him. Or fucked him, whatever. I'm jealous that you showed him a side of you that I didn't get to have."

I gripped him and swiveled him around, so that our positions were reversed. "You have no claim on me, Kira Izuru,” I warned in sibilant tones. “Don't you even dare try to demand what you have not earned."

"I will earn it," Kira said. Was that arrogance? "You said I am willing to take anything you dish out. How do you know that? Have you tried me?"

"What are you saying, Kira-fukutaichou, hmm? Are you telling me to try everything on you that I can think of?" I murmured, licking and nipping up his neck. "And if you say no, Kira-fukutaichou? If you reject my shadow, my bloodlust, my darker urges? The side of me that wants to humiliate and flay you, the side of me that thrives of pain and rejection and despair?” I paused, breathing in his scent. He was shaking and nervous, but he did not flinch as my teeth tested his skin. “Will you admit that I'm right then?"

"I won't say no," he answered breathlessly. "I'll never say no – but you have to promise not to go to someone else to vent, that only I get it all."

After I looked at him closely and saw only resolve in his eyes, I shrugged. "Is that the deal?” I inquired. “I fuck you up whatever way I want, and in return I fuck up you alone?"

"In the crudest terms, yes. I offer you all of me – in exchange for all you can give me."

He had no earthly idea what had just transpired. I could feel adulation rising in me and I desperately wished I could see Aizen-sama, get his input, beg him to show me once more how he bent my will to his. Somehow I refrained from even sending a thought to my captain and instead said, "Fine. Strip, go on your knees, and stay here for the night. If you shift even an inch from where you are, our deal is off."

Kira stared at me, his blue eyes impossibly wide, but before I could retract my statement he pulled the knot off his belt and stepped out of his hakama. My mouth dried as he continued tugging off his garments.

I should have let him see me fuck Hisagi if this was what jealousy would provoke.

"In case of fire or other emergencies,” Kira asked, his voice shaky in spite of his apparent resolve, “may I escape?"

"Unless life-threatening emergencies occur, you will kneel here naked and wait for me to give you further instructions," I ordered, mentally telling myself to wait, wait for the next morning when it would be so much the sweeter, when he had worked through in that complex little mind of his _why_ he was doing all this for me. "I will observe your resolve, darling Izuru. If, by tomorrow morning you have not moved from this spot, I will honor that agreement. Otherwise, you will never assume you have any claim on me or my time. Or my body."

 _"When_ you return and I'm still here, what do I get?" he retorted, the emphasis on the first word deliberate and careful. I could see goosebumps over his skin – the nights were cold.

I allowed a brief caress of his cheek and a kiss on his brow. “What do you get?” I repeated. "We'll see. Have a good night, darling. I'm looking forward to tomorrow."

I was definitely looking forward to tomorrow.

xxxxx

That night I had to force myself to stay in the bedroom. When I left Kira it was barely seven in the evening, and he would have missed dinner.

Now it was near midnight.

Four hours – would he be able to stand tomorrow? I doubted it. If he stayed in that position until daybreak, he wouldn't be able to unbend his legs, let alone stand on his own two feet. The thought thrilled me: to have Kira hurting even as I soothed the pain, and then proving again and again that I could make him give up his own comfort and well-being just to please me.

Aizen-sama was amused by my excited thoughts. He was alone in his rooms tonight, having decided against visiting Ukitake. _'Now you know why I spent so much time playing with you.'_

_I wish I had known how fun this was earlier._

_'You did know,'_ replied my lover. _'I loved making love to you after a vicious kill. You are always so much more alive and responsive then. Remember the first bunch of goons from the Academy? What were their names?'_

 _I can't recall. Oh yes, that night. That had been exhilarating._ I slipped my hand between my legs and started to stroke, listening to the sound of Aizen-sama's voice in my head. _Tell me how it feels to bring me under your heel, Aizen-sama. Show me what it feels like._

 _''It is complete dominance. I own every inch of you.'_ He knew what I was doing and I could sense him doing the same. _'I had complete control over a deadly man, someone who would be considered dangerous by any other person in the world, and only I could wield you. Use you. I could tell you to crawl, and you would crawl through broken glass; make you bleed, and you would thank me for it. I could pleasure you until you screamed my name for all to hear, and I could force silence on you until you choke to death.'_ His mental voice was low and sensual; my hand sped up its motions. _'You are entirely mine. You are mine, to humiliate if I so will, to extol and sanctify if I so wish.'_

 _I am yours,_ I thought, my breath stuttering with the admission.

 _'My perfection is you: my angel, sublime in your submission, my personal demon, wielding a flaming sword to mow down all who stood before us.'_ Now his mental voice was deep, almost a growl, and I could sense the intense lust spiking between us through the link. _'You are my virgin and my whore, new to all I introduced you to and reveling in the lust and depravity I pulled you into.'_

 _You were my first,_ I told him again. _I had never had a man before you. And I will always want your bed, want you. I will always want you, no matter what filth you want me to crawl through or what paradise you wish to build._

And now his voice was a whisper in my head, uttering truths that made me wish with heart-aching desperation that he was here with me, holding me as he said, ' _I made you plead for mercy, I made you cry for deliverance, I made you kill, I made you save, I made you dance and writhe and beg in my arms simply because I could and because you_ would. _You would do all these for me.'_ I felt his affection and warmth creeping into me, an acceptance that was complete. _'I made you.'_

 _You are my Prometheus._ I sent the thought with awe and reverence, and suddenly he flooded my mind with the lewdest acts we had ever committed, together and alone, memories of him watching or participating or compelling, bringing to the surface my own recollections which blended with his and I gasped, my body suddenly overwhelmed by stimulation. It was as though he was in the darkened bedroom with me, whispering the lurid details as I tried to bring myself off, and when he got to recounting how we made love through the twins he got me as a present and the relentless way he fucked me afterward over their bodies, I keened in my throat, spurting white fluid all over my hand and belly.

As I slowly came down from my climax, I felt his gentle mental touch. _'Sleep well, love,_ ' he said. _'And tomorrow, be tender with him to cement his submission.'_

_Yes, master._

_'I will see you soon, and we can play again.'_ There was a strange sort of amusement in his tone. _'And I will exercise that control over you again, darling Gin. Brace yourself.'_

I savored the promise, and then got up to clean myself off. Six more hours to go.

 


	107. 107.

When the sun rose, I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and then sauntered down the hall towards my office. On the way I saw my third and fourth seats and called them over.

“You two will run morning drills today. Team schedules are here,” I said curtly, pushing a piece of paper to them. “Those that are not on patrol are to report to the Eleventh for inter-division sparring. Those that attempt to hide will be thrown to Zaraki's mercy.”

“Inter-division sparring? We didn't know-”

“Surprise.” I bared my teeth in a shark-like smile. The smile snapped off immediately. “Go.”

They fled.

Though I had not contacted the Eleventh at all regarding this, I was certain they wouldn't mind having some sword fodder tossed at them. Besides, my subordinates needed shaping up. They were getting soft and weak. Some well-executed brutality might just shake them up.

When I got to the office I paused outside the door. Somewhere in the distance I could hear the drills commencing, and then I sought out Kira's reiatsu. His reiatsu signature was still strong, but on the edges of it where it met mine I could sense discordance; he did not have full control.

As well that I had ordered everyone out of the division. They could be hurt should Kira's hold on himself lapse.

Pushing the door open, I saw that he was still kneeling in the same spot, still naked, but his shoulders were slumped over and there was a rigidness to his frame. He looked up, his gaze bleary and unfocused, and then he smiled.

“I’m still here,” he croaked, and then he shivered violently.

My heart softened and I went over, carefully draping his discarded uniform over his nude body. “Darling Izuru. You are such a wonderful, obedient boy,” I murmured lovingly as I slowly helped him to his feet. “I'm proud of you.”

He winced and then cried out softly as cramped muscles unfolded. I scooped him up and carried him to our bed, knowing that no one would see him in this state, but he buried his face into my neck and panted harshly.

“You did well,” I reassured him again when I had settled him in bed, while I ran hot water for the bath. “You did very well, darling.”

“So... so I can ask you to-to...” Kira gasped for breath as his legs recovered from the extended kneeling. “I can... You will only p-play with me? Only me? You will let yourself be – be free with me?”

I kissed his brow and soothed his pale golden hair from perspiration-slick cheeks. “Of course. You will always be mine, darling, and only mine.” I leaned in and whispered at his ear, “You will learn what it means to be my possession, darling boy, so don't let me down, alright?”

“I won't,” he replied. He gazed at me, his devotion almost blinding in its purity. “I will never let you down.”

“Good boy,” I said. I pressed my mouth to his cheek and then murmured, “There will be some rules, and you will always, always obey.”

“Yes.” He sighed and shivered, though whether from residual effects of the strain in his leg muscles or from anticipation, I could not tell.

xxxxx

xxxxx

The incident with Hisagi did not end with Kira's little performance. I was called to task by no less than Yamamoto, and to know that it was Aizen-sama who made the report did incense me.

“It was just a bit of fun,” I commented lightly.

"Fun does not include sexual coercion of a fellow officer, Ichimaru-taichou!" The captain-general was not amused.

The old fart probably hadn't had sex in centuries, I thought viciously, and I tuned out his words. It was something along the lines of respecting my position, blah blah blah, and I entertained myself with recollections of the different ways I made Hisagi writhe.

“...we do not allow such blatant disregard for propriety and law!” he finished angrily.

“What about him and Ukitake?” I retorted with some acid in my tone. He was such a hypocrite to play favorites. "You know they are fucking each other, why aren't you stopping them? What about that law regarding fraternization of captains? Why is the law applicable to some and not to others?"

Yamamoto looked like a volcano forcing itself to stay dormant. "Ukitake Jyuushiro has certain restrictions when it comes to his personal life. I understand it, and thus condone it. You, on the other hand, have abused your authority – let me finish, _sit down_.”

I sat unwillingly. He was such a long-winded bore; all he needed to do was fire me, didn't he? Oh right – there were _no other captains in training._

“...abused a lieutenant of another division. If not for the fact that Sasakibe has no intention of taking up a captaincy, I will strip you of the Third Division and send you into the Fourth, where Unohana can keep an eye on you and make sure you learn propriety!” he completed his rant.

I stared at him, just a shade short of insolence. Aizen-sama, playing his role, waffled about not releasing details and I listened half-heartedly.

"Yamamoto-soutaichou, although I came to voice the charge against Gin, I do not want to see him removed from his station. From a purely professional standpoint, he has discharged his duties perfectly. In his personal conduct, it may be prudent to punish him, but Hisagi-san has asked that we keep this... private."

Yamamoto stood from his seat. "Private? I would prefer to sentence him more openly. But in this case, as you said, he has been exemplary as a captain, other than his regrettable lack of discretion in his personal conduct."

That did it for me. "He is sitting right here," I said venomously. "And he thinks he ought to speak with Hisagi Shuuhei and tell him a thing or two."

"Don't you dare threaten him," Aizen-sama snapped. We glared at each other, and his was appropriately censorious. "You did wrong by him, Gin, and you will leave him alone now. Is your new lover not enough for you that you have to seek out others for your own pleasure? Why are you doing this?"

I smiled as I got up. "Because paperwork is boring, Aizen-taichou. Because the office is stiflingly stultifying. Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and I _hate_ being a dull boy. Because I cannot stand seeing you happy with him. Because when I fuck Hisagi, I am making him forget how it felt to have you fucking him-"

Yamamoto's shout cut my words off. "Enough! Keep your vulgarity out of my office. You will be on half-pay for the next six months, and restricted to your office and your captain's quarters, unless otherwise permitted. I will have you tracked! Set one foot out of bounds, and I will send you to the Forty-Six for questioning and sentencing, so do not try my limits, Ichimaru-sanbantai-taichou!"

I did not protest; Yamamoto's reiatsu was stiflingly searing and I had to keep my composure.

Aizen-sama seemed deep in thought when my mind tried to link to his, and I withdrew. It was never a good idea to intrude when he was trying to solve a puzzle.

The old man inhaled deeply and sighed. "This meeting is adjourned. You are both dismissed. And Ichimaru-taichou..."

I stared at him with a smile fixed on my face.

Yamamoto went on, "You should watch your steps from now on."

xxxxx

Before I went to Kira I dropped in at Tousen's. Predictably, that stuffy prig-arsed hypocrite had no wish to converse with me, so it was Hisagi who had to deal with me personally. I didn't mind.

“Ichimaru-taichou,” he said stiffly. “Your tea, sir.”

“Maa, why so formal?” I purred as I leaned my cheek on the knuckles of my left hand. “It's really quite... hurtful, the way you seem to shy away from me.”

“I'm only a lieutenant, sir, so if you'll excuse me-” The young shinigami tried to leave the room.

“-You are not excused.”

He froze in place as I stepped right in front of him.

“You told Aizen-taichou.” My voice dropped to a threatening whisper. I hooked a finger under his choker and pulled him close to me. “You ran to him and sobbed out your story. Smart of you to recall that there is only one man in all of Seireitei who can curb my... impulses. I’m just curious.” I let my breath brush over the shell of his ear and he trembled slightly, but he did his best not to respond otherwise. “Did it get you a good pity fuck at least?”

Hisagi kept his breathing even and calm. “I told him what transpired because I needed his advice. We are no longer in that kind of relationship. Ichimaru-taichou, if you'll excuse me, I have other work to do.”

“I understand,” I crooned and released him slowly. His face was set and pale, and there was a fierce glint in his eyes. “I have other people to meet and do as well.”

He caught the phrasing, but to his credit did not rise to the bait. “Since we are both busy, maybe we shouldn't impose on each other's time. Good day, Ichimaru-taichou. I will return to my duties.”

“Ah... the work of a lieutenant is never really complete, is it?” I said aloud as I sauntered to the exit. “Always at the beck and call of the captain, always working for the good of the division... Sometimes, I think the lieutenants are more essential than the captains. I really ought to show more appreciation for Kira.”

The flare of reiatsu was a welcome reminder of how easily riled Hisagi was, but the boy never reacted outwardly. I allowed one last look over my shoulder and said, “You have a wonderful friend, Hisagi Shuuhei, and you had better appreciate him.”

“I'm thankful for Aizen-taichou's intervention.” He was still very tense.

I chuckled. “It's not Aizen-taichou you should be thankful for.” Then I walked out of the division, whistling a happy little song.

xxxxx

Kira was working diligently on the status reports of the past week's patrols when I got back. When he heard the door open he stood to attention and waited.

“Sit,” I ordered, and smiled when he obeyed. It was satisfying to have him waiting on my every command. His fringe was getting long; I reached over and brushed my fingers through his pale golden hair.

“Taichou?” he asked when I tugged gently.

“Good boy,” I whispered. Then I sat on his desk and shifted the weekly reports to my lap. “I'm going to read these papers to check your work. In the meantime, recite the Rules.”

He took a deep breath, centered himself, and began:

“Rule One: I am yours. Rule Two: I will not be with any other without your express permission.”

That had been the hardest one for Kira to accept. He didn't want to be with others at all, yet knowing what I did I did not want Kira to be lonely forever. I was a murderous, conniving bastard, but I did still have a heart.

My flaxen-haired lieutenant went on. “Rule Three: I will be honest with you at all times. Rule Four: I will be responsible for my comportment such that it reflects well on my captain. Rule Five: I will not speak until spoken to, especially when I am in the presence of my captain.”

The documents were in perfect order. I set them on his desk, and regarded him quietly. “Go on.”

“Rule Six: I will address my captain as 'Taichou' in company and by my captain's name in private. Rule Seven: My duties are firstly to my captain, then my division, then my family.”

“Not bad,” I remarked when he fell silent. Then I gestured for him to extend his hand. He offered the right to me and I took his slim hand in mine. “There will be more rules tonight.”

Kira nodded. “Thank you, taichou.”

“If you can memorize them by lunchtime tomorrow, I will reward you. If you cannot, you will be punished.”

“I understand, taichou.”

“Good boy.” I flicked a finger over his pulse point on his wrist. “I now have some errands for you.”

“Yes taichou.”

“Go look for Hisagi-san, and offer him... Tell him you're sorry what happened to him. And then kiss him – with tongue – and go home to wait for me.” I smiled at my lieutenant kindly. “What are you supposed to do, darling Izuru?”

Kira had blanched,but he managed, “I am to go to Hisagi-san, and... and kiss him, wi-with tongue, and go home to wait for you.”

My lips curled. “Good. How do you feel about my order?”

“I...” Kira struggled; did he think that I require only easy honesty? “I feel that... I-I feel that it is odd for you to let me kiss another man.” He nibbled on his lower lip. “I feel... I feel like I’m merely a sort of apology for what happened to him. And I-I, um... some small part of me wants to do it. To kiss him.” He had squeezed his eyes shut by this time, the words rushing out of him, and his shoulders were very tense.

I patted his right hand. “There. That's honesty.” Then I tightened my grip. “It is not an apology. It is a reminder. And you are going to kiss him, and come home and wait for me to do whatever I wish with you.” I released his hand after kissing the open palm and licking along the lines. “There might be something special if you do what I ask you to well.”

xxxxx

xxxxx

Perhaps I was so absorbed in the training of my pet that I did not see the signs. Firstly the SWA collaborated (conspired?) to get Kurosawa out of Soul Society on some student-escort mission, something that had not happened for many a year, and next thing I knew I was hearing a buzz among the captains and lieutenants about him being smitten by a human.

It was a new low for that captain. To roll about in the muck in the Rukongai whore pits was one thing; he had to choose to fall in love with a human? Their transient lives meant nothing to us, not in the same scope as our own existence would, and a human-shinigami liaison would be even more taboo than captains fraternizing with each other.

Trust Kurosawa to burst through the boundaries of common sense.

Kira was at my feet, still naked and curled up in a fetal position, waiting for the aftershocks to pass entirely. New marks decorated his left shoulder and I studied them delicately; they would heal properly, I decided. There were two lines that might be appropriate for my purposes, but the rest could be erased.

 _'Gin?'_ Aizen-sama sounded thoughtful.

I put away the book in my hands. _Yes, light of my life?_

_'You've been reading poetry.'_

_I aim to improve my mind. What is it?_

_'Get Stark on observation duty. I think Urahara will be implanting the hougyoku into a special gigai soon.'_

I remembered Aizen-sama's posit that Urahara would hide it in an untraceable gigai. If Kurosawa was really that much in love, then this ought to be one opportunity the exiled captain had to grasp. _For Kurosawa? A little soon to tell, ain't it?_

Aizen-sama was hesitant for a moment. Then he said, ' _I like to be prepared. Keep an eye out on your end too, Gin. I don't want surprises this time.'_

When he withdrew, I dropped the book to the side of my chair. The soft thud startled Kira and he whimpered before cautiously rolling over to his side to look at me.

“Darling Izuru,” I said tenderly as I ran my bare feet along his back, chuckling when he stretched with the contact. “Stand up, my darling, and take a bath to wash away the blood. I will come back in a moment.”

“Yes Gin,” answered Kira dutifully. No questions at all; he knew now not to question my doings.

When he had gone to the bathroom I dug out the communicator. It crackled to life and I waited until I heard a voice on the other end. It was Halibel this time.

“Halibel, Stark around?”

“ _He is sleeping in his room, Ichimaru-san,”_ said Halibel. He voice had a strange timbre to it; I supposed it was due to the mask obscuring much of her face.

I sighed. “He's on watch duty. Tell him to rotate with Ulquiorra. Both of them ought to be able to catch Urahara in action, if he ever makes a move instead of cowering like a beaten dog.”

“I shall convey your instructions, Ichimaru-san.”

 


	108. 108.

Sensing Aizen-sama's irritation with Hinamori made me smile a little wider. Kira hummed, apparently having sensed my satisfaction. He was getting better at this, and I found myself devoting a lot more time to my pet than ever before. Having a willing participant in my explorations certainly added spice to our sex lives. Though I doubted the former captain Rinbayashi ever meant her office to be desecrated by two men fornicating in practically ever corner, I was more than happy to do so. It was also a great deterrent for the curious: no other seated officer came by when the doors were closed – I would always have my senses open for impingement of other reiatsu – and ever since Yachiru accidentally saw me fucking Kira on his table, Zaraki has made it compulsory for her to come by. A number of other barriers such as heat or binding kido also taught the nosy parkers to stay away.

Right now Kira's lips were sliding along my cock and I allowed myself to sink into pure sensation. Aizen-sama sounded aggrieved by Hinamori, and that added a vicarious sense of victory. He wished to have me there instead of her.

 _That's good to know, you missing me,_ I thought.

_'You're listening in on me? Shame on you.'_

_Kira's mouth is on me, actually,_ I answered smartly. _But I linked with you to let you know that Kurosawa has been seen a few times in Karakura with Urahara. They have been meeting in the shop so Stark isn't certain what they talked about. Also, Szayel says there's been flickers of the hougyoku's power, but it's always within range of Urahara, so they haven't taken action._

Aizen-sama sounded thoughtful. _'That's the wise thing to do. None of them can quite match up to Urahara yet – especially his deviousness. And I don't want his guard up yet.'_

_How about me?_

_'What do you mean?'_

_Am I a match for him?_

My captain intensified the link between us and I knew he would be able to see what I was seeing: my darling pet, kneeling before me, blindfolded and subservient.

 _Pervert_. My tone was affectionate. I knew how much Aizen-sama loved to watch. Gently I tugged Kira away from my cock and marveled at how soft and plump his lips looked after a blowjob; this was a reward for him having completed the lieutenant assessment well. It had been Kuchiki Byakuya who assessed him, and that princeling had been almost glowing in his review of my pet. Given that Kira was the most efficient and hardworking lieutenant in all of Gotei – I wouldn't even consider Sasakibe a match – Kira certainly deserved his bonus. The blond returned to his task eagerly, sucking me in with fervor and I moaned aloud. He certainly had odd ideas of a reward, but since I was a happy recipient of his attentions I wasn't about to complain.

 _Like the view?_ I asked after a moment.

 _'I'd prefer to be a participant, but this isn't bad,'_ Aizen-sama admitted. ' _As for your question earlier, I think you can take him on one-to-one in a fair fight, though I think it'll be foolhardy to do so. Urahara is too tricky to stand alone against. He doesn't fight fair.'_

I had to scoff. _Not that I would either._

_'You're still more honest than that man.'_

_Flatterer._ I let my eyes close and thought, _All right now, voyeur. You wanna stay for the rest of the show or are you going to let me enjoy Kira in peace and solitude?_

_'Cheeky boy. I'll take it out on your hide some day.'_

_Bring it on then, lover. I'll wait for you._

All that banter made me wonder if I could ever share Kira with Aizen-sama. It would be selfish of me to want both my lord and master along with my slave and devoted servant, but it would be so good to have them at the same time, even once. I indulged in the little fantasy as the heaviness in my groin built: to have Aizen-sama fucking me the way I loved him to, while Kira rode me, helplessly bound and vulnerable to our manipulations, and I caught between them, their passions and jealousies and desires bathing me and swallowing me as a fire, a burning turmoil of desperate lust.

The thought of that pushed me over the brink, and I let myself hold onto that fantasy a little longer.

xxxxx

I heard about the wedding but of course I was not on the guest list. That was a good thing – it gave me a chance to take Kira out on a morning picnic, and have an unofficial day off. I knew Yamamoto was looking the other way because his pet captains were in the real world with Kurosawa and his bimbo, so whatever shenanigans I got up to wouldn't be noticed.

My pet was rather fidgety, however. The responsible and conscientious dear must have been worried about the work I made him leave behind.

“Are we going to get in trouble?” he asked softly as he set out the snacks.

I plucked a grape from a bowl. “Darling, would you relax? You're on a good weather break now. Enjoy it.”

“I've never heard that before,” Kira admitted. When I tugged him to place his head in my lap, he acquiesced immediately. He gazed up, eyes half-lidded against the glare of the sun, and asked, “What are good weather breaks?”

“You take a break,” I said, tangling my fingers into his blond hair, “when there's good weather like this.”

“Um, don't we have work?”

“Izuru, lovely, we're shinigami. We will never stop working, unless we are at war, and even then the paperwork will be waiting for us when the fighting's over.” I breathed out, wishing that it was Aizen-sama here with me, knowing that we could never really do this again unless we were free from the strictures of Soul Society. Looking down at Kira and smiling at his wistful face, I added, “Good weather days aren't permanent, darling, so why not enjoy them when we can? The sun, the breeze, the fresh smell of grass, a lover with you... It just doesn't get better.”

He snuggled closer, and my heart ached with his affection. If only I could love him! He would have been perfect: trusting, affectionate, intelligent and competent. Yet I could not find enough love in me to give to him what he truly deserved. Aizen-sama, in all his complexities and darkness and mysteries had swallowed me whole.

A butterfly danced past and Kira's eyes crossed as it passed over his nose. I chuckled and caressed his cheek, glad to see that he still had a measure of levity in him. I knew I was supposed to drag him into the darkest recesses of his own guilt, but having him smiling like this was like balm to a soul.

“Do you know how very precious you are, Izuru?” I inquired gently. He shifted slightly and regarded me with his lovely blue gaze. I ran my hand along his cheek and down his neck, my palm flat against his chest. “My jewel of pale winter sunlight. How did I ever deserve you?”

I nudged him off my lap and had him lie flat on the grass mat, before I covered him with my own body. His eye widened and he stammered, “Gin, we're still outdoors-”

“And that's a problem because...?” I started grinding my hips onto his and he gasped slightly. “Come on, darling. No one likes a wet blanket.”

“But we... oh gods, that was good,” he stuttered, and tried again. “What if someone sees us?”

I smirked. “Then they see us.” I locked my mouth over his before he could come up with any more nonsense, and if the delightedly startled squeak was indicative of anything, Kira himself was more than willing to give in to my manhandling.

“Y-yes, Gin,” he breathed out, and then he exclaimed softly as my hands tugged his belt open, pushing down his hakama, and slipped a palm over his cock. Now I was angled over him, my body shielding him from prying eyes and the glare of the sun.

“Not a sound, lovely,” I warned quietly by his ear. “I don't want to have to punish you now.”

He nodded, a little desperately, and had to stifle a cry as I began to work his erection. My dry hands would make him slightly sore later, but for now he bucked and writhed into my touch. I sought the vein running along his cock and traced it leisurely, trailing my nails over his balls and through the coarse hairs, before grasping him and starting a punishing stroke that I knew would push him to the brink.

The poor dear tried his best to hold back, his hips thrusting helplessly as he bit back his cries. His fists clenched on his clothes and he squeezed his eyes shut. His breathing became labored and I knew he longed to give in to the release, but Kira had iron self-control now. He keened, head thrown back, teeth gritting together, and his heels scrabbled against the grass mat as though trying to rip through it and find strength in the ground beneath.

I drank in the sight of Kira's wide eyes, unseeing, staring into the blue void above, his mouth open on a silent scream, back arching and breathless, fighting to stay in control and _failing,_ failing at the last when my hand moved further between his legs and played with his perineum and his entrance. He climaxed over his uniform, streaking it with his come, and when he fell back in a sweaty mess he had never looked quite as ravishing.

“I'm sorry,” he gasped when he could finally string words together. “I didn't mean to, I’m sorry.”

“I know.” I kissed his brow and then his soft, pink lips. “We'll eat, and later tonight I’ll decide what to do to you, hmm?”

He swallowed. “Yes Gin.”

xxxxx

Aizen-sama was distinctly not pleased with himself after he returned from the wedding. I had just needled him earlier in public, him and the other captains, for their convenient absence at the same time.

He had then sent the thought to me about having missed out on the chance to get the hougyoku, but it was reassuring to know that it was not with Kurosawa. That man would have been a formidable foe if roused; he was a captain, after all, and captains did not scare easily.

 _Maybe we are going about it all wrong,_ I suggested.

 _'What do you mean?'_ His tone was curt. I could forgive that; he was hoping that he could grab that item, but with Urahara still keeping a close eye on it Aizen-sama had no chance.

_We could wait until they make their move, Aizen-sama. It's not as if we can't retreat to Las Noches and rule them already._

_'But the potential-'_ Aizen-sama broke off mid-thought. He was definitely frustrated.

I knew that he wanted to become more than he already was. He had mastered all the kido, approved and illegal; he was a zanjutsu master, unparallelled; his shunpo was faster than anyone, barring perhaps the Goddess of Flash herself; he had no peer in barehanded combat. I was not praising him blindly. All the tests that he had subjected himself to showed the same results, and these results were phenomenal. His towering intellect was matched only by his ruthlessness in hiding his true skill from the others in the Gotei. The only limitation he faced now was his shinigami existence.

 _'I’ve always counseled myself patience,'_ he said slowly, _'but it seems as though I have forgotten my own advice.'_

_And I the hasty one is the one who reminds you?_

_'I am grateful for it,'_ he remarked. _'But the waiting chafes, and I know our hundred years are now down to slightly more than half of it.'_

Having reached home, I shrugged out of my haori. _If it does bother you to stay here longer, Aizen-sama, we can leave. Kurosawa did it._

_'Two captains eloping is not the same as one captain leaving for a mortal woman, Gin. The soutaichou is turning a blind eye because he knows that, in the larger scheme of things, this marriage will make Kurosawa a better man, and in a few decades he'll be back.'_

_I wonder what their children will be capable of._

_'Just what I was thinking.'_ Now Aizen-sama sounded more like himself. _'Let's pull the watchers off their tasks, hmm? Like you said, let's wait for them to make their move.'_

The door opened silently and Kira bowed. He was freshly scrubbed, as he ought to be at this time, and he bore a platter of food for our dinner. I thought, _I will communicate the information to Ulquiorra later._

_'I will do it, lover. You enjoy your repast. And I would love to see the design on your darling Kira's back in full; the last glimpse was tantalizingly brief.'_

_I’ll let you know when to peek in, Aizen-sama._ I entertained the thought of having him there with us, physically, watching as I sliced into Kira's white skin, and the thought sent a warm glow over my chest. It could work. My pet had surrendered control over himself whenever he was with me; now it was time to see how far his submission went.

 


	109. 109.

Hitsugaya Toushiro was _fascinating_. I allowed my smirk to darken slightly when he glanced over, and he frowned. Surely he had heard of the history between me and Matsumoto – there were no end of gossips in Seireitei, and one of them must have found some time to enlighten him. He was so very earnest and sincere and _innocent_ , and I itched to see him dragged into maturity. He postured a lot, trying to be what he thought a captain ought to be, but I could tell how frightened he was of making a mistake.

Such creatures were easy to manipulate. Anything with fear was easy to manipulate. That was a lesson taught by Aizen-sama, and refined by my lovely lieutenant. The boy – Hitsugaya – was actually taking notes, the precious little stupid child, and I wondered how long it would take for his earnestness to be worn down to cynicism.

Three weeks, probably, if the workload wasn't reduced. I heard that Matsumoto had given up on working entirely, and part of me put it down to her missing her misogynistic captain. Still, it was better for Kurosawa to be away. Now we had a newcomer who had very little information on the history

At this meeting I could only count eight of us captains. Kurotsuchi was scowling as the latest reports were checked and discussed; he probably had an experiment brewing in one of his labs. For all of his crazy-genius-thing, he could not come to grips with cloning himself? If I had the technical know-how, I would have made one that would dutifully attend all these dull meetings while I spent the time in more enjoyable ways.

Rather than pay attention to the summation of our divisions' spending yet again, I applied my mind to thinking of how to get Kira into the threesome that I was beginning to crave. And not just with any other man; I really wanted to have Aizen-sama fuck Kira with me. In the past, it had always been good to have someone trapped between us, subject to our shared control. I closed my eyes and flicked a tongue over my lower lip, imagining how wonderful it would be to taste Aizen-sama on Kira's skin.

 _'Naughty thoughts you have there, dear heart,'_ Aizen-sama thought.

When I opened my eyes, he was the picture of polite alertness. I smiled and retorted, _Listening in on a private fantasy isn't nice, Aizen-sama._

 _'Your dullest thoughts are ambrosia compared to this drivel,'_ he replied. I caught a quick glance from him and he added, _'If you want that to happen, you'll need to wait. I can't go about showing my shikai to any random child, lover.'_

 _Your next demonstration is in the next cycle?_ I mentally ran through the calender of events for the year.

He nodded, ostensibly at some point the presenter – Komamura – was making. ' _Seven months from now. Can your libido stand it?'_

 _I’ll spend the time devising the story then,_ I thought. _And conditioning Kira would be a most pleasant chore._

xxxxx

Everyone seemed to have let down their guard after the new boy took over. I updated the information in my files, idly perusing the data on bankai. Hitsugaya's bankai was still very raw, and I knew he was training with Ukitake and Byakuya. The boy was so uptight, he made a straightjacket felt like a peignoir.

As I closed the newest captain's personal records, Aizen-sama's file caught my eye and I opened it. There was something odd... I straightened abruptly and mentally called, _Someone's checking you, Aizen-sama._

_'Onto me? You have to be more specific, Gin.'_

_Someone's been in your personal files. I haven't accessed it for the past year, but the last access date was two weeks ago._

_'Any way to track down the person?'_

_They used an unregistered machine,_ I replied, fists clenching. _Thankfully this is your official data and there's nothing that can implicate anyone. But the mere fact that someone tried..._

He said nothing. I presumed he was considering our options and kept silent. After some time, he commented, _'Could you trace the signal?'_

_Only if I caught him or her in the act, Aizen-sama. Not after they've gone._

_'But you're updating information today. Our perpetrators might be keen to discover what you did and maybe you can find out from that.'_

_Conjecture or certainty, Aizen-sama?_

_'The former, mostly, but why not chance it?'_ He sounded thoughtful and continued, _'Add a layer that would alert you should there be a breach, and then hunt them down while they dig through Seireitei's private documents. Whoever it is can be persecuted through official means if we do catch them going into my data.'_

I thought over my possible actions and leaned back in my chair. There were security measures put in place, firstly by Rinbayashi, then Utagawa, and when I took the helm I further strengthened the shields and obstructions. There were too many secrets that I, as the head of internal investigations, was privy to.

_I might need to make some changes to your personal files for them to take the bait. If they're as good as that to bypass my security, then there is probably a tracking program to check if I made any alterations._

_'Use my latest zanjutsu-relevant records then. I’ve no use for that bit.'_

I smiled and thanked my captain. It took me nearly three hours before the new shielding and tracking program was up, and then I nudged the figures in six other captains' files before I withdrew the screens. Outside, it was already dark and I could feel the ache in my lower back from sitting for so long. I must be getting on in years, I thought grouchily, and slunk out of the office, ready to kill.

Rounding the corner were two shinigami who were not paying attention to where they were walking, chattering amiably as they were wont to do. I stood still and reined in my reiatsu.

When they almost collided with me, they glared up and then faltered when they saw my smiling face.

“Ichimaru-taichou,” gasped one, a girl with long black hair tied on either side of her head. “I'm sorry, I didn't see you – I mean, I wasn't paying attention to where I walked!”

“I'm sorry, taichou, I should've been focusing on my task,” said the other, a short, bespectacled young man.

“Your names.” I smirked as they exchanged a terrified glance.

The boy swallowed and said, “I am Hagiwara Yo, taichou.”

“I am Mitsuishi Ikue,” stammered the girl.

I studied them both. The girl was pretty, in a plebeian way, and I wondered if Hagiwara fancied her. And then I noticed the way they stood and the lack of distinguishing marks on them. “Hmm.”

That seemed to scare them more; I could actually see Mitsuishi's fingers clenching her uniform more tightly. It made me smile even more widely.

“Hagiwara-kun, Mitsuishi-kun,” I began, low and subtle, “do watch where you're going from now on, hmm? We don't want trouble now, do we?”

“No taichou!”

“But you're already in trouble.” My voice snapped like a whip and they jolted. I drew myself to my full height. “This is my office. What are two unseated officers doing near this place? Who is your team leader? And what duties are you supposed to be on?”

The pair didn't dare look up or utter a word, but their feet were inching slowly away from me.

I let my reiatsu unfurl and wrap about them. I bared my teeth and said quietly, “I know every single person in my division, and I don't know you. Tell your captain that she and her lackeys are unwelcome, and that I will lodge an official complaint right the fuck now. Tell her in those exact words, and add this bit: if Soifon wants to test my patience further, then by all the spirits in Soul Society _I will_ _give her hell_.”

The two shinigami peered up at my smiling face and I raised my chin a little. They gulped and bowed jerkily, like puppets, before they fled on shunpo.

“Nitwits,” I muttered under my breath. Soifon would likely demote them to some minor post. A real secret agent wouldn't have lost his nerve like that. _Aizen-sama, it could have been Soifon._

_'She doesn't have the technical know-how.'_

He was right; that woman was a dried-up old raisin with about as much technical expertise. Omaeda wasn't a cloak-and-dagger type either, though he had plenty of guile, and neither of them would think of hacking my database.

Who was the audacious one trying to seek out sensitive information?

xxxxx

Soifon and I became icily cordial after I sent in the complaint about her sending in double agents to my division. It made me feel little better when it was discovered that she had sent her people into every division, even the first, and the resulting outrage was something I would enjoy for a long, long time. Zaraki was the only one who didn't appear too put out that he was spied on.; all his men behaved exactly the way he did, and even the one Soifon put into the division had become assimilated into the group. Yachiru had christened him Mon-mon and made him wear papier-mâché ram horns while she chased him around Seireitei – I knew he had become their family already.

Aizen-sama's demonstration of his bankai – it wasn't just his, it was all the captains – was of course a reminder to the populace that the captains were alive and kicking. Such demonstrations seldom occurred; I did not recall one before, but Aizen-sama assured me that it had been done. The last time he witnessed one was when he was not yet a lieutenant.

I was to show off Shinsou, and it made me smile when I remembered the glory of my bankai – my real bankai, not the partial. When could I unleash Shinsou fully?

xxxxx

Kira had watched me polish my sword the entire evening without comment. When I finally put Shinsou away, he bowed and moved forward politely, kneeling just in front of me. I gazed at his pale face, partly obscured by the fringe of golden hair he had let grown long.

“Yes, darling?” I asked, brushing his cheek.

He blushed prettily and smiled. “Gin.”

“Is there anything that you want?”

“No, not really,” answered my pet, and then lowered his gaze in a demure manner.

I chuckled and patted my knee softly. “Rest your head here, lovely.”

Immediately he did so, and I combed through his hair with my fingers. It was so utterly domestic and terrifying. If I had known how easy it would be to bend his will to mine, I wouldn't have picked him in the first place. Yet now that I did have his complete obedience, I found it repulsive to even consider anyone else.

The dichotomy of my intentions annoyed me greatly. Was that how Aizen-sama felt also? I smiled to myself: no, this wasn't how he felt. Even if he never said it, I knew he loved me. From the heat of his thoughts and the warmth of his gaze and the fleeting longing in every touch, I had assurance of the depth of his emotions.

There was only the night song of crickets and the pools of light from the lamps Kira had lit earlier. Somehow, in the lull of my own musings, Kira had fallen asleep with his head on my knee. I gazed at him with fond exasperation. So much trust in someone he knew so little of. My Kira would suffer quite a bit once I left him. My fingers tucked his fringe behind his ear and he hummed with delight.

“Wake up, Izuru,” I whispered, bending down to peck a kiss on his ear. “We have a bed, and I can't sleep sitting up.”

“Mm?” Kira blinked and scrambled upright. “I'm so sorry.”

“No need, dear heart. Come, let us go to bed.” I stood up and pulled him to his feet.

xxxxx

He lay below me, thighs spread wide, his hands behind his knees. I ran my left hand over his chest, feeling the lean muscles there, and then over the ribs which, no matter how much feeding I gave him, were never properly hidden. His jutting cock I ignored, even as I traced a pattern with his precome over his flat belly.

He never uttered a sound, the good darling. He was trembling and biting his lower lip; his skin was slick with sweat; his entrance practically quivered when I prodded it experimentally.

“Izuru, lovely, open your eyes,” I cooed.

He swallowed and then forced his eyelids to flutter open. The blue of his irises were barely more than a thin ring around his pupils, and in the light of our candles he seemed hypnotized.

“Look at me, darling,” I commanded, my hands slipping to his hipbones, thumbs rolling over the crease. I shifted him so he was partially sitting up. “Look at me.”

Kira licked his lips and stared into my face. His cheeks were red with exertion and desire, his lips plump with fervent kisses earlier.

I settled closer between his legs, and took my arousal in one hand. “Now say it.”

“Gin,” murmured Kira, tongue clumsy. “Gin, please... please fuck me.”

“That's a good boy now,” I crooned and pushed into him. He tensed and relaxed instantly around my cock and I thrust in deeper, adjusting the angle, welcoming the enveloping, velvety heat. As I sank into him completely, his thighs shook with being held open and I slid his hands from his knees, hooking his legs about me instead.

He shuddered and closed his eyes, opening them again when I bent down to nip at his collarbone. “Gin, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have-”

“You shouldn't have,” I agreed mildly. I slipped my arms about his back and tucked us close, chest to chest. This wouldn't give me much leverage, but I wasn't looking to pound him senseless yet. Tonight I wanted him to beg for it. “Darling, there's something I want to discuss with you.”

“Now?” his voice was a breathy keen. Every minute shift I made probably felt twice as intense as it usually did, given how much time I spent on foreplay earlier. Already he had been denied release twice; the good darling probably couldn't hold out much longer.

I grinned and licked his neck, tasting the salty sweetness of his skin. I rolled my hips slowly and he gasped, his eyes rolling back and then back to me, hazy and lost.

I did not stop the conversation though. “Yes, now.”

“Oh gods, Gin- I can't think-”

“Y'see, I’ve been thinking that I want to watch you come apart with pleasure,” I murmured into his ear. “I want to see how you slowly lose that tight control over your body, over your mind and your lust. I want to observe the way you relax into yourself and then become rigid with desire. I want, oh darling, so badly to watch you lose yourself.”

The words were having an effect. Kira's hips rolled more urgently, his clutching hands wild and strong, and his gasps came faster as I spoke.

I let my thoughts flow out on a torrent of panted breaths. “To see you move your hips like you're burning for it, lovely, to see you fuck yourself on a hard cock, to take your pleasure in your most demanding way. I want you to be bound and gagged and begging for release, to be utterly submissive to another, to be so vulnerable that you can't even breathe without crying. I want you, darling, so badly, to show how much you will follow my lead.”

Every phrase, coupled with a roll of my hips, had him crying for air and _more_ and soon he was a whimpering mess. Tears pooled in his eyes and his hands dug blindly into my shoulders.

“I want to watch you being fucked in your face, lovely, I want to watch you sucking cock like you'll die without it, I want to watch you spread your legs like the best whore in the land, like you can take anything, darling, like you fucking will _burn_ if you don't ride yourself to your orgasm, like you can't wait to have a cock in your ass so that you can ride your lover into utter bliss.”

I knew Kira wasn't hearing what I was saying; I pulled away slightly and he had squeezed his eyes shut now, the tears spilling, sticking his lashes together. With the small adjustment of my posture I had better leverage and now I slammed into him, heedless of the abuse he was taking. Given the screams that were ripped from his throat, I didn't think he minded. It was slick and hot and welcoming, and he spasmed around my erection with every motion, as though he could no longer tell if he wanted me in him or out or everywhere.

“Fuck, Izuru, I wanna... I want to hear you scream as you take it as hard as is possible, I want to overwhelm you, overwhelm you with sensation, I want you to drown, fucking _drown_ and beg to die when you come, I want you to come so good that you pass out, and I want you to feel yourself being fucked awake, like your hole is the most perfect place in the entire fucking world and there's not a single reason, no fucking reason to let you go. I want... oh gods, I want you to be blind with passion and lust and just, fuck, just-”

I clenched my teeth and climaxed, remembering only at the last instant to grab Kira's arousal and slide my hand over it a few times, a quick and clumsy signal of permission, and he keened as he came, tightening impossibly about me. The sensations swamped me and I shut my eyes, giving in to the complete, mindless bliss and warmth and love.

Slowly I regained my bearings. I rested on him, still reeling from the intensity of the intercourse. It took us a long moment of catching our breaths and for our heart rates to ease. He sniffed and shivered as he reined in his tears, and carefully I rolled to the side instead of crushing him. Both of us winced as I slipped out of his body, but when I tugged him close he had no compunctions burrowing into my embrace.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” I continued, still slightly breathless, “I'm hoping for a chance to watch you being fucked.”

“You want to... you want to watch me?” My darling blond was utterly confused. “You don't mean to say that...”

“A threesome, lovely Izuru, is what I mean.” I skated my hands over his back. “I want to watch you being prepped by someone else, watch you fray at the edges until you're a total mess, and then I want to watch how you come from just a cock in your arse.”

“But you-”

“And then I’ll fuck you, darling, before you can even come down from your high I’ll fuck you again, and drive you to greater heights,” I whispered, lowering my voice. I could feel arousal even with the mere thought of it. Then I hugged my lieutenant. “I'm not going to force you into it, Izuru, but I want you to think about it, hmm?”

“Who will be the third, if we do, um...” Kira's voice was quiet and embarrassed. “I mean... I-I can't imagine doing this with...”

“With a stranger?”

“No, I mean, I can't think of doing that with someone we know, in Seireitei,” Kira finished, flustered. “I-I can't ever look at someone in the eye again after... I mean, with _you_ it's different, perhaps, but I can't... I can't.”

“So you'll consider it if I find a handsome man for us away from Seireitei?” I murmured, burying my nose in damp blond hair.

He nodded assent, face reddened with embarrassment. I smirked and pulled him closer, tucking him into the hollow of my throat and shoulder. So perhaps I might not get to have Kira and Aizen-sama at the same time, but at least Aizen-sama did not need to wipe Kira's memories of the encounter, and I would always be able to tease Kira with the thought of how good a boy he had been for me.

Then his voice piped up again. “Or maybe... if-if you want, if you want...” his whispers were broken, agitated by some internal conflict; “if you want, Gin... I c-can look for the third man.”

I mulled the suggestion over. It was tempting, to say the least, but if Kira was the one seeking out the third party I wouldn't be able to have Aizen-sama, even in disguise. The minute of silence perhaps unnerved Kira, who started apologizing, and I smothered his apologies with a hard, demanding kiss.

When I pulled away from him, his wide eyes were glimmering with some unknown emotion. I stroked his cheek and murmured, “Go and look, darling, and we will take our pleasures together.”

 


	110. 110.

It took a lot of self control not to storm into the Eighth Division on a burst of righteous indignation and demand an explanation, but I managed to do it. My lieutenant relayed the entire conversation Kyoraku and Ise had in the office and I knew then that Kyoraku had been digging into his own history. He must have found some record of his own that he had gone to challenge Aizen-sama; it had been foolhardy of my captain to have used his bankai in Seireitei without checking if any of them kept other records. Inwardly I almost cringed for having the criticism that Aizen-sama was not perfect, yet he used to be quite impatient.

That would mean that Kyoraku was looking up information on Aizen-sama's bankai. If I had been a lesser man, I would have been insulted that he would assume that I would have put in all the data I received. Never give anyone all the facts, if you want to keep your job.

It was time to intervene. Mentally I gauged my strength against Kyoraku and knew that in a fair fight, I would not be able to walk away. But I had leverage, and too long I had put off the confrontation.

Leaving a blissfully asleep Kira to his dreams and recuperation from the new scars on his shoulder – a truly lovely pattern, if I said so myself, the feathers of the crane almost delicate and real, and my name visible from this particular angle – I put on plain black shinigami robes. Shinsou hung at my waist, thrumming with curiosity.

_Kyoraku and Ise know about the gap in the captain's memory, Aizen-sama. Where are you?_

_'With Ukitake Jyuushiro. I expected him – Kyoraku – to barge in here then to demand my head on a platter.'_

_Unlikely,_ I replied. _He'll probably bide his time, like he has been doing. He knows something isn't on the up and up, but he wants solid facts before he takes action._

Aizen-sama chuckled. _'I would usually counsel patience, but go for it.'_

_Is Kai Mizuki in Seireitei at the moment?_

_'No, she's somewhere in Europe. I can't remember which Society she's being posted at now.'_

I smirked as I slipped from shadow to shadow, and made my way across the different regions. A quick peek at the Eighth division building showed Ise hard at work clearing overdue paperwork, and a scan of reiatsu indicated that she was alone. Unless the captain was deliberately hiding his trace, Kyoraku was most likely at home.

_Aizen-sama. I’m asking one favor of you._

_'I will watch over him, but I do hope you'll come back to me, lover.'_

_I will. Maybe not in one whole piece, that's all._

The trek to the Kyoraku estate was easy. Even without the haori, the shinigami on patrol recognized who I was easily and gave me no grief. Finding out exactly where Kyoraku was in the massive estate without arousing the suspicion of the guards would be impossible, however, but I knew how to work past the impossible.

xxxxx

“Good evening,” I said to the housekeeper who opened the door. “I wonder if Kyoraku-taichou is in tonight.”

“Yes, Ichimaru-taichou, if you could wait a minute in the waiting room,” said the housekeeper who led me to the small, elegantly-detailed room just off the side of the main entrance. I looked around and found an interesting book by Goethe, in its original language, and the inscription on the inside cover was the last stanza from the lovely _Marienbad Elegy_.

_To me is all, I to myself am lost,_

_Who the immortals' fav'rite erst was thought;_

_They, tempting, sent Pandoras to my cost,_

_So rich in wealth, with danger far more fraught;_

_They urged me to those lips, with rapture crown'd,_

_Deserted me, and hurl'd me to the ground._

The script was almost certainly by Goethe's own hand, if I were any judge from my decade in Fegefeuer. Karl had loved Goethe – he even spent years in Venice stalking the German, who apparently had been quite handsome in his youth. I smiled tenderly at the recollection; our little mementos were still with me, placed in a secure box locked up in the Third Division's stores.

It was almost twenty-five minutes before Kyoraku Shunsui deigned to see me. By this time a number of servants had already served me tea and snacks, while a handful of house guards passing by to change shifts had eyed me with expressions ranging from curiosity to disdain to fear.

Good. There was no servant I knew of who did not gossip, even if to one person only, and should I fail to emerge from the Kyoraku estate the news would be all over Soul Society by the next evening.

Kyoraku was at a porch overlooking his extensive gardens. He greeted me quite cordially and I accepted his invitation to sit with him.

“So. What brings you here?” he asked once the servants had left us alone.

“You sneaked into my office, hacked into my servers and looked at classified information,” I replied calmly, sipping the proffered cup of tea.

He paused, and then chuckled. “You had a camera in the room.”

“That would be telling, wouldn't it?” I put the cup down and admired the pines in his courtyard. “Why were you there?”

“Your former captain isn't who he seems to be,” he said. “I wanted to see if you are in cahoots with him.”

Apparently honesty was the current trend. I could work with that. “That's a dangerous statement to make to someone who may or may not be colluding with a suspect.”

“Dangerous? Foolish, perhaps. But not dangerous.” He sounded amused and added, “I am, after all, your superior in many ways, not least in age.”

“And you are here,” I countered evenly. “While your lieutenant is in the office alone, your... daughter, I should say, is in Europe, and your best friend has just been fucked into complete stupor.”

The silence between us was now rich and textured. I could feel him trying to use his reiatsu to cow me, but I merely stiffened my shields.

“I saw the lovely book you have in the waiting room,” I remarked. “Lovely inscription. Did you get Goethe to write it after he died?”

“Before, actually. I liked his poetry. Very elegant and romantic.”

“Karl – Karl Bauer, the guy I slept with when I was in Fegefeuer – had a fling with Goethe. I suppose after his death, I mean Karl's, the books must have gone to Maximilian.” I smiled and picked up a roasted cashew that had been served earlier with the tea. “For a new captain-general, he's quite a softie at heart. But then again, he is quite young. He still writes now and then, keeps my German fresh.”

Kyoraku was absolutely still.

“I think I ought to return to my quarters,” I said as I got to my feet. “Kira might fret when he finds me missing.”

I was about to step out of the room when Kyoraku said, “I could have killed you when you came in.”

“But you didn't, and your people know I’ve been here. Aizen-taichou knows I’m here. And I hope you don't insult my intelligence further by suggesting that I would leave my most important lieutenant unguarded, or that there is no one else working with me.” Now I turned around to face him. “I shall say it plain, Kyoraku-taichou, because you have been mostly honest with me.”

He stood and his eyes were keen, completely unlike the usual demeanor he presented.

“I am always going to defend him,” I stated. I didn't need to elaborate whom I was referring to. “Even if I knew what he is up to, I will defend him to my death, literally. I don't like that he is sleeping with your best friend. I don't like that he takes the whole moral superiority thing with me. I don't like his lieutenant who is an overly cute cheerful puppy who ought to be put down like the annoying bitch she is. But I love him, and I will do anything for him.”

“Odd words for an ex-lover. What would little Kira say?”

“Sarcasm does not become you,” I responded. Now my smile faded. “So, Kyoraku-taichou, if you stand in his way, you have to ask yourself: how fast can you take me down? I am the first trigger, and if I fall... it all blows up in your face. The secrets that you kept from the people that you care for? Boom.”

He scoffed. “You lie, whelp.”

I bared my teeth. It was not a smile I showed him. “Are you willing to test me?”

The second of hesitation told me all I needed to know. I said, very quietly, “You have plenty of people you care about. I only have two. One is very willing to die for me. The other I will protect to my death.” I allowed my reiatsu to settle again, and bowed mock-amiably. “Have a good evening, Kyoraku-taichou. Sweet dreams.”

xxxxx

Aizen-sama had been listening in and he applauded my performance, even as he began to plan how to best execute my threats should the need ever arise.

It had been a wild gambit, and I wondered what I would have done if he had tried to kill me.

Fight, perhaps, and I smiled warmly knowing that if I did fall in service to my captain he would avenge me.

Still, being able to intimidate a senior captain was quite a thrill. In a way I knew that we would be able to get away with anything now. If I had tried to bluff my way through with Aizen-sama, I would have been a red smear on the tatami.

 _'That indeed would have been the case if you weren't such a sexy little thing,'_ Aizen-sama interjected.

I grinned and flash-stepped back home. _Aw, compliments now? You're getting soft in your old age._

_'Still hard where it counts, lover.'_

_And your innuendos are losing their subtlety also. Tsk tsk. Dull now that I’m not around to sharpen your wit?_

_'I’m a fossil now, dear heart. You'll have to dig me up out of a hole in the ground.'_

_We still have to ensure that my lies aren't lies by tomorrow. You can go into the hole after that._

_'Already set, lover.'_ Aizen-sama sounded smug. _'And which hole are we talking about again?'_

I laughed and retorted, _Which one do you have in mind, Aizen-sama? We can doing some exploring after the exhibition._

_'Certainly.'_

We were set. Now all we needed was the right opening.

xxxxx

The fake attack on Masaki went off without a hitch. The woman was barely scratched, but now she was tainted with hollow reiatsu. The child she bore would be powerful indeed.

In the back of my head, I wondered how soon before we encountered the child, and if it would be a boy or girl. If it looked any bit like Kurosawa, I might just mercy kill the kid. On the other hand, if it were cute, I might just have a bit of fun with the child.

As for Kurosawa... I smiled darkly. I had not forgotten his slight, so many decades ago, when I knocked on his door seeking help and receiving none. He would learn how it truly felt to be desperate.

xxxxx

The captains' bankai exhibitions had been exhilarating and well-received, even though Shinsou had complained about showing only half his abilities. Harutakanna had been cheered, on display as it had been with Byakuya's Senbonzakura, but the old man only released shikai – we knew it wouldn't be wise to have his bankai on show unless we really wanted to die – but it was enough to send most of the cannon fodder to their knees after half a minute's exposure to the reiatsu. I found it hard to breathe, myself, but I still extended protection over my boy. Aizen-sama was faking his strained expression; I was able to sense the ease with which he rode the pressure of Yamamoto's reiatsu.

I found it strange that they kept pairing me with Byakuya. We loathed each other in a cordial, icy and extremely polite manner, but our intense dislike of each other had to be obvious to everyone else.

Or maybe I was too good an actor?

I had to spend the whole afternoon talking to various divisions' lieutenants and top seated officers – I did not miss Ise Nanao carefully avoiding me – and the idle chatter bored me. I couldn't escape since all the captains were fielding questions, and it would seem indecorous.

By the time we could leave, Kira had already absented himself and Hinamori had apparently dragged her captain out of the session. I felt the irrational itch to scratch her face, and hated that I was so petty. Wondering where my blond pet had wandered to, I took a detour to the office and deposited some files, and something on my desk caught my eye. It was an invitation to go to the fifth division's meditation chamber.

xxxxx

“Good evening.”

My heart skipped a beat and I could not help the huge smile that blossomed on my face. “Aizen-sama?” I whispered, cognizant that Kira was there too. “What brings you here?”

“I was invited,” said my captain with a tender smile, rising gracefully to his feet. He stepped nearer and tipped my chin up, pressing our lips together without deepening the kiss. “Kira was very persuasive.”

I turned on my heel and beamed at my lieutenant, gesturing for him to come over to us. He obeyed shyly, his fringe covering his eye, and his cheeks were flushed.

“Izuru, darling, do you mean what I think you mean?” I murmured, my lips brushing the outer shell of his right ear. “Is this who you want?”

“I know you love him,” Kira whispered in reply. “I-I want you happy, Gin. I want you to be happy and I know you trust him and I think I can... I think I can trust him too.”

I stroked his cheek and tucked him into my neck. “You are a darling, my boy,” I said quietly, my hands sliding down his back and pulling him into a tighter embrace. “You are amazing and sweet and I adore you.”

Throughout the exchange, Aizen-sama was waiting patiently. I left my hands on Kira's shoulders as I peered at my captain. “Aizen-taichou?” I asked, a wealth of queries within the innocuous statement.

“Call me the way you always call me when we are alone, Gin,” said my lover, and my heart warmed.

I reached a hand out to him and he took it, allowing me to pull him to both Kira and myself.

“Aizen-sama,” I said reverently, “we are yours tonight.”

“I would be honored,” he replied, fingers trailing through my hair and dusting over my lips. “But is Kira comfortable with that?”

I looked at my darling boy and waited as his gaze flickered from me to Aizen-sama and back to me again. He nibbled on his lower lip, seemingly unaware that the motion was making his mouth sinfully pink, and it took him some time before he muttered, “I would prefer that... I'd rather Gin lead, please. I’m not saying that I don't like you, Aizen-taichou, I just-”

“-feel more comfortable with Gin. I understand.” Aizen-sama petted my lieutenant on his blond head. “So. We are at _your_ mercy tonight, Gin. How do you want us?”

I could barely answer, I was that giddy with happiness and lust. “Wild and often.”

The shared look between Aizen-sama and Kira made me laugh out loud. Whatever Kira had said to Aizen-sama must have eased any lingering tension between them, but there was no closeness yet that would help make it an evening to remember.

As Kira helped me disrobe, I watched Aizen-sama's reactions. He was enjoying the show for certain, the way he leaned against the wall and the relaxed manner of his shoulder and arms. The reiatsu absorbing fabric that draped from the ceiling closed all of us in a quiet space, masking the external world, and the black cloth brought out the paleness of his skin. The overhead lighting would have been harsh, but Kira and Aizen-sama had lit up a few bronze lamps set over large bowls of water. The light dappled enticingly over gilded skin.

“Darling,” I breathed into his ear, “I know you're nervous. I know you feel scared about what we are going to do tonight. But you have been such a wonderful, lovely boy, and I want so much to enjoy you tonight. All of tonight, lovely. And more than that, darling, I want you to enjoy tonight.”

He swallowed, his shoulders shifting and then relaxing fractionally.

I slid my arms about his waist and pressed my lips to the side of his head. “I'm going to take your clothes off, darling, and I want you to look at Aizen-sama while I do it. Do you know why?”

“I think... I think you want me to see, um, to see if Aizen-taichou likes what you're doing?”

“That's right, lovely. But more than that,” I whispered as I undid his belt, “more than that, I want you to see how much he wants us. Look at him, darling Izuru. That little smile – his teeth catching a little on his lower lip. Look at the way his eyes sweep down your body now. Your skin makes him hungry, lovely Izuru, hungry for _you,_ and you are so beautiful right now, darling, the way you flush down your perfect, beautiful skin.”

Kira was panting lightly and my hands had not been idle. He was naked now, and pressed back against my body. His hips shifted and when my fingers skated along his hip bones to his groin he whined softly, his arousal stirring to life.

“You are exquisite, Kira,” agreed Aizen-sama, walking over and tipping his chin up. “May I call him Izuru, Gin?”

“You certainly may.” I licked up the pale neck, and then moved behind Aizen-sama, undoing his plain belt and delicately removing his simple gray yukata. “Shall we?”

“Definitely.” Aizen-sama placed a kiss on Kira's gently parted lips and took my lieutenant's hands. “Come on, Izuru.”

When I turned Kira about to kiss him, I was surprised that he resisted. “What's wrong, darling?”

“My back, he'll see my back,” he whispered urgently. He clutched at my arms. “He'll see my scars.”

“ _My_ marks, lover,” I answered. “You bear my marks, darling. Be proud of them.”

“I am, but-”

Aizen-sama interrupted gently. “May I see?”

Kira gulped, stared at me with his wide blue eyes, and then turned around, hiding his face into my neck.

“Beautiful.” Aizen-sama was touching him on the back, presumably tracing the lines I had drawn over white skin. My boy was shaking, either from nerves or sensation, and I rubbed his flanks soothingly. “Your body is a work of art, Izuru, and thank you for showing me this.”

Wrapping our arms about him, we spent a long time just touching and kissing, Aizen-sama and I both focusing on Kira. He was relaxing into our caresses slowly, and soon he was responding with equal fervor to Aizen-sama as he was to my kisses.

Eventually we did make it to the bed and there we paused.

“Um, how...” Kira blushed and fidgeted nervously with his fingers. “What should I do?”

I regarded him fondly and settled him onto the futon. Some oil was next to the bed in small vials; I uncapped one and sniffed, pleased that it was not scented. They had the bed already laid out, and as he sat carefully on the sheets Aizen-sama and I took up places on either side of him. The blond peered at me and then turned to look at Aizen-sama, and I saw how his fingers curled into the fabric, but the shy half-smile hovering on his lips told me that the tension was due more to anticipation rather than fear.

“Lie back, darling,” I ordered, my hands running over his back.

Aizen-sama kissed me on the cheek and then on the lips. I opened my mouth to him instantly and our tongues slid together wetly, hungrily. His hands skated over my hips and scratched lightly over my damp skin.

“Your boy is waiting, dearest,” said Aizen-sama, his voice dropping into a lower, huskier register.

I breathed him in and smirked. “Waiting for me or you?”

My older lover smiled and then turned me to face Kira. My lieutenant was trembling slightly and his knees shifted, allowing me to slide in between. I murmured reassurances, even as my palms slid along the insides of his calves and thighs, kneading and massaging the lean muscles, until I got to the top of his legs and he moaned softly.

“You're ready for us, aren't you?” I asked in a whisper, mouthing the crease at the top of his thigh and then the base of his cock, breathing in his clean scent. “You want this.”

“Yes, oh god. I want- Gin, how?”

“Do you trust us?” I whispered, flattening my tongue over the heated arousal and his eyelids fluttered, his breath shallow and short.

He wet his lips and his legs separated a bit more, bracketing me comfortably. I could feel Aizen-sama's reiatsu coiling about us slowly, and his thumbs kneaded my ankles in circles. I reached for the lubrication and slicked up two fingers. Kira pushed his fringe aside. “Yes.”

“And then, darling Izuru, I will prepare you,” I promised. “I'll prepare you for us.”

“For...?” Kira gasped as my finger pushed into him. “Both?”

“Yes, love, both, I want you to feel so treasured by us both.” I kissed his cock and sucked on the tip, tasting salty precome. My index finger circled and nudged his entrance and he trembled faintly with expectation. “I want you to feel so adored, to feel worshiped, to feel loved.”

He whined, a high note in his throat, and his fingers dug into the sheets as I sucked his arousal hard, taking it all in, even as my fingers slipped into his entrance and began to prepare him roughly. He struggled briefly and suddenly went lax around my hand. I smiled; there was a warm body right behind me. Aizen-sama was kneeling behind me and I figured he was helping Kira to enjoy our attention.

“Kiss his belly, love,” Aizen-sama commanded quietly, his breath hot behind my ear. “Lick up his abdomen, all the way up to his chest.”

I followed his instructions, and then moved on to Kira's nipples, making my darling boy writhe and buck beneath us as I removed my fingers from his ass. Then a hand on the small of my back urged me to lie full-length over Kira. Just as my mouth reached his lips a firm, familiar hand wrapped about both Kira's cock and mine.

We gasped in unison and, as Aizen-sama's hand started the confident strokes, I locked my mouth on the meat of Kira's neck and bit down, my hips thrusting shallowly into Aizen-sama's grip. When the grip tightened fractionally, Kira wailed and I felt his legs spread further to accommodate our bodies. Then I moaned loudly when a finger breached my entrance, and my breaths mingled with Kira's harsh pants. When Aizen-sama sped up the strokes, both Kira and I keened shamelessly.

“That's right,” crooned my older lover, “that's right, darlings, just ride the sensations.”

My lips moved roughly over Kira's, drinking in his gasps. I dragged my hands up over his torso and rubbed over his chest, then pinched his nipples hard and rolled the hardened nubs between my fingers. He yowled and arched wildly up against me, crying out unintelligibly.

“Roll over, love,” muttered Aizen-sama. “Let Izuru lie between us.”

With some difficulty I managed to get Kira in between us and we kissed lustily over his shoulder as he tried to wiggle to a more snug position wedged between our bodies. I turned my attention to Kira's skin, licking up and down his neck, and sucked greedily on his earlobe. On an unspoken signal I hooked my hands under Kira's knees and pulled them up, spreading my darling boy for Aizen-sama,

Aizen-sama didn't waste any time, his mouth trailing over my blond's collarbones and down, down to his erection, and I felt Kira tense as Aizen-sama's lips pressed kisses nearer and nearer the jutting cock.

“Relax, darling,” I ordered, tongue flicking over the salt of his skin, “let him take care of you. Let us take care of you. God, 'Zuru dearest, I want you so bad, can you feel it? Can you feel us?” My teeth nibbled on the shell of his ear, and I hooked my chin over his shoulder and murmured, “Breathe out, slow, and inhale, slow.” He obeyed. “Lean back against me, darling, and look down. Do you see what I see, darling boy?”

He exhaled heavily. “Gods, Gin, I can't- too much-”

“Look at Aizen-sama,” I said, “look at him. He wants you too, so much.”

Kira gasped sharply, almost a sob, and he threw his head to the side with another choked wail when Aizen-sama took him in fully. I mouthed Kira's neck, enjoying the sight of my captain bobbing his head over Kira's cock, his dark eyes peering up at me. His hand was buried between Kira's legs and I grinned in a feral manner. Aizen-sama winked and then bent to his task. Abruptly Kira screamed and thrust into Aizen-sama's mouth.

When Aizen-sama drew back, a trail of Kira's come stuck to his lower lip and then his chin, which he swiped off with his finger and placed on my lips. I sucked on his digits, my tongue lingering over the taste of Kira over his skin.

“Gin?” my lieutenant pleaded. “Can we please...? I n-need, I need this, I can't-”

“Hush, love, we're going to prepare you, darling, we'll take it slow now.” I nuzzled into his hair. “I don't wanna hurt you. I want you to enjoy this, to savor this present you're giving me. Gods, Kira Izuru, you are so sexy now, so perfect. You found the perfect man for us, darling, you are amazing and gods I want you right now. Aizen-sama, can we? Can we have Izuru now?”

Kira keened as Aizen-sama did something with his hand and then there was an obscene slippery noise. Aizen-sama licked his lips and there was a wicked glint in his eyes. “Not yet, lover.”

He dipped his head and it was my time to cry out, because his tongue was flicking over the head of my arousal and from Kira's wiggling I figure that Aizen-sama was also lapping at his entrance.

“Aizen-sama, please,” I panted out and he finally assented.

He sat back on his heels and grinned wolfishly. “Izuru, are you ready for us?”

Kira swallowed and licked his mouth, panting, and then finally nodded. I turned him around, wanting to be able to kiss both my lovers if I wanted to. Aizen-sama encouraged Kira in a low voice to rise to his knees over me, and then he took my cock and stroked it, slicking it up further, and then putting me slowly into Kira.

My lieutenant's fingers dug hard into my shoulders and his eyelids fluttered. His soft lips parted and I bit tenderly into the base of his neck, tongue lapping over his sweet-salty skin, my hands steadying his hips before he could sink down on me.

“Lean back a little, Gin,” Aizen-sama instructed. “Izuru, I need you to breathe slowly and deeply, slow and deep, and tell us if it hurts, all right?”

He nodded again, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. I could feel the head of Aizen-sama's arousal sliding into Kira also and I sucked on his earlobe, my hands tightening on the blond as I tongued his ear.

He whimpered, very softly, but Aizen-sama heard him and paused. He asked, voice low and raw, “Too much, Izuru?”

“No, no,” Kira gasped, “just... unexpected. Odd.” He inhaled shakily again and added, “It's... it's more than I thought.”

I nuzzled into his jaw and said, “Wait till we are both completely in you, darling. It'll be amazing.”

Kira let himself be manipulated by Aizen-sama and I, little whines escaping from his throat at each motion we made to acclimatize him to our cocks. Finally, after what felt like an interminable wait, we were both buried in his hot and willing body, and there he chose to keep Kira still.

My captain was very pleased by Kira's obedience, and the feedback of his satisfaction urged my lust further. I was nearly on the edge myself, feeling the heated length of Aizen-sama against me.

“Aizen-sama, please,” I begged, hearing how husky I was and unable to control my breathlessness, my arms looping around Kira's torso to touch my captain. His large hands were between me and Kira, one hand plucking absently at Kira's nipples and the other around his weeping cock. “Please, Aizen-sama, I need-”

“You're in control tonight, remember?” Aizen-sama reminded me with a teasing grin. But he knew I needed his word as well, and his hands reached around to pull me closer, helping me brace myself better.

Kira could only hang on to my shoulders for dear life as both Aizen-sama and I grabbed his hips, helping him to keep still as we thrust into him. I could barely restrain myself from biting too hard on Kira's flesh, locked in the terrible rhythm of _thrust-slide-pull-more_ , and the young shinigami was wailing, voice cracking as he gave in to our desires and primal lust.

 _'He is so very exquisite, lover,'_ Aizen-sama thought, his mental voice a growl of desire.

Vaguely I agreed, barely able to keep a coherent train of thought. Aizen-sama's mind blended into my own consciousness and we were again in sync, much as the day when he first gave me the ring, and it was breathtakingly glorious to feel how Kira felt from Aizen-sama's perspective. I reached blindly to grip Kira by his hair, baring his neck, and both my captain and I locked on either side of it to suck deep bruises into pale skin. My darling blond screamed as we sank out teeth in at the same time. Aizen-sama's knuckles rubbed my abdomen as he sought Kira's cock and he pumped, hard and rough and firm, just the way I knew Kira loved it. Kira's scream heralded his ecstasy and his come spattered and smeared over our chests.

Aizen-sama kept dragging Kira's hips down as he thrust, while I valiantly tried to keep up with the pace even as my own control faltered. Before I could come I heard Aizen-sama's deep, guttural command to wait.

Kira went lax in our hold and Aizen-sama suddenly pulled out of my darling boy, and I slipped out as well. My boy whimpered and I lay him to the side. He shook with the aftershocks and his lashes fluttered weakly, his soft lips parted for breath.

“Elbows and knees,” Aizen-sama ordered, the edge of his reiatsu was tinted with the fantastically dark bite of the true Aizen-sama that I worshiped. “I want you to come all over your masterpiece.”

Kira' legs splayed and I slithered up between them and he whimpered when my cock brushed his flaccid and still-sensitive cock. He blinked blearily up at us. My elbows bracketed his head and I could rub my erection against his jutting hipbone.

Aizen-sama didn't allow me that, however, gripping me hard and pulling my hips higher as he shoved into me. I cried out and then he began fucking me, raw and painfully, the way he knew I would appreciate. A slight shift meant that every thrust hit my prostate with unerring accuracy and I yowled, and Kira maneuvered his own hips slightly higher so that I was able to rub against him as we moved.

“Come on him, dear heart,” whispered Aizen-sama. “He's waiting now. Come for him, come for me.”

I could sense the white-hot tension coiled deep in my gut and I bit on my lower lip. Kira was still wet and slick from what we did earlier, easing my sliding over his skin, and the coil of desire tensed further and further in my groin until I released all control, and Aizen-sama thrust again, again, again and the tension snapped. I arched and my muscles locked as I ejaculated, milky come splashing stickily over Kira's lovely body. My vision swam and I shut my eyes, tasting skin and love and sweat. Kira keened, arching his hips against my groin while I rode out the sensations; it soon grew too much for me, and my captain grabbed my hips and pressed me close to him as he neared his own climax. Aizen-sama thrust once, twice and then released into me, a flood of warmth and I whined as he left my body. Slowly I sank down, resting my head on Kira's breastbone. I could feel the wetness between my thighs, flowing stickily and uncomfortable towards the bed. Aizen-sama was on his knees, not resting on either of us, but I could feel his warmth on my back and I smiled with gladness.

We unfolded cautiously to lie on the makeshift bed, I between Kira and Aizen-sama. My lieutenant immediately snuggled into my embrace, heedless of the sticky mess on my belly and chest, while Aizen-sama draped a reassuring arm over my hip and his hand was on Kira's waist.

_'You found yourself a very loving pet, dearest.'_

_Can I keep him then?_

_'After we've settled in, maybe. If he wants.'_ Aizen-sama's tone was gentle and he moved closer. _'Thank you, Gin. He is truly beautiful.'_

_You are pleased?_

_'Very.'_

I smiled and shifted slightly to regard Aizen-sama's warm brown eyes and tender smile.

 _'Rest, darling.'_ Aizen-sama brushed some hair from my brow.

_You'll wake us up early tomorrow?_

_'I will. Now go to sleep, lover. We have a lot to do from now on.'_

_Yes, Aizen-sama._ In the arms of my captain and with my lieutenant in my own embrace, I had nothing to fear. If this was to be the shape of things to come, I would consider myself blessed.

With a smile still on my lips, I closed my eyes and obeyed.

 


End file.
